Positivity Queen

  • 26 – Toxic Positivity

    Episode Summary of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 26: Toxic Positivity

    Toxic Positivity masquerades itself as positivity when it is the complete opposite. Learn about what toxic positivity is and how you may be doing it without even knowing! I’ll give you tips on how to avoid being the source of toxic positivity, how toxic positivity can make someone feel and what if you are the negative person.

    What you'll learn from this episode

    • What is toxic positivity
    • The human experience
    • Your brain and toxic positivity
    • Toxic Positivity quotes
    • The signs of toxic positivity
    • What happens as a result of toxic positivity?
    • How to avoid being a source of toxic positivity?
    • What if you are the negative person?

    Key Quotes from this Episode

    To be human means to feel on the full spectrum all emotions deeply.

    Phi Dang

    We aren’t robots programmed to only feel a certain way and only have certain types of thoughts.

    Phi Dang

    We have all and will continue to experience negativity in our lives. It doesn’t make you a negative person it makes you a human experiencing negativity.

    Phi Dang

    Featured Resources on the episode

    Show Transcript

    [Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:

    Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.

    Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.

    My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”

    My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.

    Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.

    This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.

    Ready to grow? Let’s grow!

    [Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]

    [Episode 26 – Toxic Positivity]

    Toxic Positivity Introduction

    Hello beautiful soul! 

    I am feeling absolute joy and elation after the Manifestation Magic Masterclass, within a few hours those who attended are already receiving signs from the universe – so so exciting. I even got a beautiful message from Carol who said:

    “I can’t stop thinking about the manifestation magic masterclass today, Phi, it was so good! I can’t explain it. It was like walking into a class that I didn’t want to finish! Thank you for so much love for your insight and for being you, all you. Like omg! I mean the energy just no words!”

    Ahhh my heart and soul!

    I’ll be uploading a replay of the class available for purchase this week – so if you’re interested please DM me and I can get that to you even faster.

    So May is Mental Health Month in many countries which confused me because apparently Australia is October but anyway in honour of that and the fact that mental health day should be every day I want to speak about toxic positivity.

    What is toxic positivity?

    Toxic positivity masquerades itself as being positive when really it’s the completely opposite.

    It’s the belief and attitude that no matter what is happening you should always be happy and have positive thoughts.

    Hello! We are humans, we are souls having a human experience.

    To be human means to feel on the full spectrum all emotions deeply.

    We aren’t robots programmed to only feel a certain way and only have certain types of thoughts. 

    This overly optimistic state denies, minimises and invalidates the human experience.

    The subconscious mind and toxic positivity

    In our subconscious minds based on largely social conditioning and our programming that life is black and white.

    Positive = good. Negative = bad.

    This is largely too simple and negates the shades of grey between.

    Toxic positivity quotes

    I love these quotes which encapsulates everything nicely when it comes to toxic positivity.

    “I’d rather be whole than good.”

    Carl Jung

    “Positive thinking is a coping mechanism, an automatic coping mechanism. It is void of life. Feeling and experiencing the realness of what is actually happening are the essences of being alive. Feeling, connecting, reacting to the flow-- this is all living. Positive thinking happens in the head, meanwhile, it denies the heart its authentic, genuine feelings. Not only does it have the potential to rob you of real and deeper connection which is ultimately necessary to living a passionate and compassionate life; but it even has the potential to cut you off from reality itself. A mask that you put on your face, other people's faces, and throw over everything around you. We do not become positive by refusing to be real. We become positive people by really living, really feeling, and really rising above anything that would threaten to sink us. You can't even see what threatens to sink you if you refuse to acknowledge that it's even there. Why did Titanic sink? Someone refused to see the icebergs.”

    C. JoyBell. C

    I've been a source of toxic positivity and you probably have too...

    It’s ok not to be ok. You are not alone and someone out there is wanting and ready to help you.

    I’m known as the positivity queen too and I am certainly not happy all the time. Positivity is my attitude – it’s knowing that no matter what happens I can find the silver lining, I can learn and I can grow which is my lens of positivity. 

    I’ve definitely been guilty of saying things like “it could be worse” or “try be positive” and you may have to.

    Bring awareness to toxic positivity

    I wasn’t aware it could make someone feel worse.

    The beauty of awareness is that you have the power to change.

    You have the power of consciousness!

    What are the signs of toxic positivity?

    • Using blanket positive statements like “good vibes only here” or “be happy”
    • Not listening and validating someone’s experience and jumping to your experience “you’ll get over it”
    • Shaming someone for not feeling happy or positive
    • Avoiding your own emotions that you label negative – for you to see negativity in someone else you must recognise it in yourself otherwise how would you know?
    • Hiding how you truly feel about something

    What happens as a result of toxic positivity?

    People feel ashamed of their emotions and feel invalidated.

    When you are overly positivity and pushing positivity on someone else it can seem insincere to the other person.

    They don’t want to be and show their true selves so they become inauthentic, hiding or creating a persona to the world.

    This can lead to surprising emotions which leads to increased stress in the body which can sometimes even be stored energetically in the body.

    Additionally when we aren’t able to feel our feelings it prevents us from growing. It can keep us stuck in hurt, pain and anxiety. 

    Challenging feelings can ultimately lead to greater growth because we learn from them.

    How to avoid being a source of toxic positivity?

    Be aware and conscious with your language.

    For example instead of saying “you’ll get over it” you can say something along the lines of “It sounds like you’re going through a tough time. I believe in you”. 

    Can you feel the difference in the energy there?

    Substitute “don’t be so negative” to “it’s okay to not be okay sometimes.”

    “Think happy thoughts” becomes “I love you and I am here for you.”

    “It could be worse” to “Life has its ups and downs. How can I best support you?”

    “You shouldn’t feel bad or negative” to “We experience a full spectrum of emotions in life and that’s okay.”

    The influence of social media on toxic positivity

    I would also add to this to remember about celebrities, pop culture and social media that is isn’t 110% real. Most of what we see online is someone’s highlights reel which is carefully curated. It’s not reality and ironically reality TV isn’t real either.

    I’m sure you can relate, I’ve definitely been hurting after a break up and posting photos and stories looking all happy when deep down I was sad.

    Perhaps you’re going through a hard time and post throwback photos or stalk an ex or someone you used to date when really you are nostalgic for past happier times.

    What if I’m the negative person?

    We have all and will continue to experience negativity in our lives. It doesn’t make you a negative person it makes you a human experiencing negativity.

    If the negativity is overwhelming reach out to your doctor, a mental health expert or even a life coach such as myself. I work with many clients to get them unstuck and out of their negative self talk.

    My tips are:

    Allow yourself to be negative because you are human. Bring awareness to your emotions. What is the negativity label about an experience, circumstance or person in your life revealing to you?

    It’s okay to feel a mix of emotions again we aren’t robots set to one default emotion. You can be happy and sad at the same time.

    Episode closing Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang 26: Toxic Positivity

    The goal isn’t to be happy and positive all the time. It’s to be strong and in your power knowing that no matter what happens in life you will be ok and you can handle it!

    Let’s keep the conversation going on mental health to break the stigma and raise more awareness of how important mental health is.

    Until next Tuesday, love and positivity. 

    [Episode 26 – Toxic Positivity Outro]

    Are you wanting to find out more about 1:1 Coaching or working with me? Maybe perhaps you want to know more about me. I’d love to connect with you. You can visit my website phidang.com or connect with me on Instagram @thephidang. Speak to you soon.

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