Grow Through It Podcast

  • 06: Forgiveness

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    Episode Summary of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 06: Forgiveness

    This episode covers everything you need to know about forgiveness. What truly is forgiveness, how to forgive using one powerful and free tool you already have, whether anything and everything is forgivable, how to forgive yourself and conundrums and quarrels that come up when forgiving.  

    What you'll learn from this episode

    • What truly is forgiveness
    • Misconceptions about forgiveness
    • How to forgive through practical tools and strategies
    • The magic question to ask yourself why it’s difficult for you to forgive
    • Why forgiving is important 
    • Practical example on forgiving (cheating in relationships and dating)
    • Is everything and anything forgivable? 
    • Conundrums and quarrels when forgiving
    • Why forgiveness might not even be a thing!

    Key Quotes from this Episode

    Forgiveness isn’t created through holding onto your negative feelings. 


    Phi Dang

    When you feel angry and resentful towards someone, they don’t experience it as you do. In fact all they do is experience the result of your behaviour because you feel angry and resentful.

    Phi Dang

    Right now in this moment, the past has no power over you unless you choose to let it. The events that happened in the past, are in the past. They are only present now, if you make it present.

    Phi Dang

    Featured Resources on the episode

    The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 06: Forgiveness, Show Transcript

    You are listening to episode 6: Forgiveness

    [Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:

    Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.

    Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.

    My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”

    My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.

    Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.

    This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.

    Ready to grow? Let’s grow!

    [Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]

    [Episode 06 – Forgiveness: Begins]

    Hello hello beautiful soul, so happy you’re here! Another week, another new episode. How are you all feeling as it gets closer to Christmas? How fast has the year flown!? What a year it has been.

    Today’s episode is all about forgiveness. Thank you to Bee who submitted his thoughts on what he wanted to see on the podcast on my instagram – if you too have something you’d love for me to speak about please get in touch via my DMs or on my website. 

    If you didn’t know I had an Instagram – yes I do, I share on my instagram daily inspiration and motivation to live your best life and a behind the scenes of my coaching – juicy insights from sessions with my clients and of course the amazing results my clients have.

    I always get so excited to share this at it shows you what you can achieve when you work on yourself and when you invest in yourself.

     

    What are the wins my clients have been having lately?

    One of my clients absolutely aced her internship and was offered a job role after it! The real clincher? Her supervisors said what made her stand out was her mindset. Boom!

    Another one of my clients has let go of a relationship despite her fears and past coming out. We really worked through past trauma from previous relationships that showed up.

    Another client is a stunning model using her online platform after being bullied to help others and speak out against bullying – which is not okay at all.

    Another beautiful soul is moving past her fears of being judged and imposter syndrome to showing up on her Instagram community of 80,000 and building her business empire.

    So, so magical. I am so proud of them, there are many more wins but I could talk for a whole episode on that. If you’re interested in coaching, let’s chat as I would love to be here someday soon speaking about your wins!

    Segway into forgiveness

    So back to forgiveness, Bee said that he wanted to know more about forgiveness that allows for growth but is stunned by conundrums or quarrels with friends, family and strangers.

    So let’s dive into forgiveness. It’s a big topic. I want to flag in no way is forgiveness easy but it’s an important mental muscle to work on for your emotional health and wellbeing – more on that later in the podcast.

    What is forgiveness?

    There are many definitions but out of reading and researching several definitions, the main common thread between definitions is that forgiveness is a voluntary and internal process of letting go of negative feelings such as anger, resentment and bitterness and in turn the potential desire for revenge.

    Let’s break it down: voluntary – you have to decide, no one else can for you and the internal process of letting go – yes you have to use your thoughts to get to the destination: letting go.

    It’s a process – again it won’t just suddenly happen, you have to work through your thoughts and in turn your feelings to get there. Forgiveness is a journey to which you commit to.

    Forgiveness is actually quite stealthy. Forgiveness happens when you’re sleeping, when you’re brushing your teeth, when you’re journaling, when you’re making a cup of tea, when you’re making lunch, when you’re working… it’s happening not only on a conscious level but on a subconscious level too.

    Forgiveness isn’t easy or instant, like taking a pill or pushing a button. In fact forgiveness is like pushing a boulder up a hill – it will take work and it’s going to be hard. As Robert Muller says “Only the brave know how to forgive. A coward never forgives. It’s not in his nature.”

    Addressing the potential desire for revenge: your thoughts create your feelings so when you work on letting go of these negative feelings, the actions you wanted to take previously also change.

    That’s it. Simple but our brains make forgiveness complicated.

    Forgiveness is just as our earlier definition – a voluntary internals process of letting go of negative feelings. That’s all it is.

    Misconceptions about forgiveness

    Forgiveness doesn’t mean anything else but our brains create thought stories that say otherwise.

    • Forgiveness does not mean you forget what they did.
    • Forgiveness does not justify what they did.
    • Forgiveness does not mean you accept or condone what they did.
    • Forgiveness does not excuse the harm done.
    • Forgiveness does not mean that they were right and you were wrong.
    • Forgiveness does not mean that you trust them again.
    • Forgiveness does not mean that they are good person.
    • Forgiveness does not restore your full faith and trust in that person.
    • Forgiveness does not mean reconciling.
    • Forgiveness does not mean that person will still be in your life.

    All this other stuff is thoughts you are creating, stories you are creating.

    Summing it up forgiveness is for YOU, no one else by you, As Louis B Smedes say “to forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”

    So how is forgiveness created?

    It’s all through your thoughts because your thoughts create your reality. They impact how you feel and in turn what actions you take or do not take that lead to a result.

    When you are in a position to be either thinking about forgiving someone, wanting to forgive someone or not forgiving someone you are in a state of negative thoughts and feelings right? Because if you weren’t feeling negative, you wouldn’t need to forgive someone.

    When it comes to other humans things are bound to be emotional as we are emotional beings. For example if you trip over a rock, you wouldn’t even be asking the rock for forgiveness would you? But let’s change the scenario what if someone you knew accidentally tripped you over?

    Given that your thoughts are linked to your feelings, I want to state the obvious.
    Forgiveness isn’t created through holding onto your negative feelings.

    When you feel angry and resentful towards someone, they don’t experience it as you do. In fact all they do is experience the result of your behaviour because you feel angry and resentful. Maybe you are giving them the silent treatment, ignoring them or maybe you are shouting at them and being short with them. Remember: resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.

    Further on this, particularly on the feeling of resentment, it keeps you stuck in the past as you are constantly reliving the scenario, the thoughts and the feelings. Remember the past is a construct in your head, your mind and body doesn’t know. So when you keep reliving the thoughts and feelings, you are making your brain go through the experience over and over again. Right now in this moment, the past has no power over you unless you choose to let it. The events that happened in the past, are in the past. They are only present now, if you make it present.

    So how do you forgive someone?

    It is important to have at the forefront of your mind the purpose of forgiveness. Ultimately forgiveness is for you. You not them. You. I mean, the person you are forgiving doesn’t even need to know you are forgiving them really, forgiveness is for YOU.

    As established earlier the path to forgiveness starts with your thoughts.

    Let’s go back to the definition of forgiveness, it is a voluntary process emphasis on that again voluntary process. Going back to episode 4 where I speak about mental fitness and taking your brain to the gym, think of forgiveness as an important muscle that is needed to keep your emotional self healthy and strong.

    First question is to ask yourself why do you feel angry, why do you feel resentful. Remember everything in life is circumstances and its your thoughts the create reality. So whilst you can say they did this to me or didn’t do this… really it’s your thoughts about the situation which create your feelings and behaviour.

    So what thoughts are you having about why you feel angry and resentful. In order to forgive someone, you have to change your thoughts. So figure out why you feel the way you do. The number one question I like to get my clients to ask themselves is “so what?”. That’s the magic question to delve deeper into your thoughts and feelings.

    Your ex cheated on you. So what? Now you feel like you’re not good enough and perhaps you are not good looking enough for them. Your thoughts are creating a story about someone else’s actions even though you can’t mind read! Since you can’t mind read, you are creating a story that you are self perpetuating. You will never truly know why someone does something but you are creating meaning through your thoughts.

    Your friend gaslit you. So what? You don’t know what’s real and what’s not. You are in a state of shock and you can’t believe it happened to me. How did you let this happen? As a result of your thoughts on their behaviour, you feel like you don’t trust yourself and you don’t feel confident about the decisions you are making. You question yourself a lot.

    Your business partner took all of your money. So what? Now you feel unstable and insecure. You don’t have enough money to buy that car you want and you may be struggling to pay for rent and groceries. You feel anxious and worried about money. Again the story here is it’s because your thoughts are blaming that person for taking all your money and putting you into negative feelings through feeling stressed about money.

    Your dad abandoned you when you were 8. So what? You feel unlovable and unworthy, you feel that it is your fault that he left. Now you are older and wiser, have you ever had the thought that the way your dad is has nothing to do with you. Maybe he left because of his own fears of being a terrible dad. Maybe he left because he had a horrible gambling addiction and didn’t want you in the mix.

    It’s all about being aware of how your thoughts are creating your feelings about this person. Your thoughts are making you suffer and feel wronged. If you think different thoughts, you will have a different outcome.

    Forgiveness scenario: Cheating in relationships and dating

    Let’s take the cheating scenario as it is a common one and I have been cheated on through my own life experiences.

    You can choose to have the thoughts oh this says something about me, I’m not loveable enough, I wasn’t a good partner, I am not good enough and blame your partner, they ruined your life and so forth. That makes you feel tired, angry, resentful, awful to be honest or you can choose to have the thoughts oh this says nothing about me and everything about them.

    The relationship has unfolded the way it was meant to, nothing lasts forever, this chapter is closed and I’m ready to move forward and have a partner who values commitment and loyalty. You don’t feel angry anymore. You don’t feel resentful anymore. No more bitterness. Initially it will likely be working through sadness and betrayal but then feeling so hopeful and excited to move forward with your life.

    It’s all in the thoughts.

    It can also help to seperate the actions from the person who did what they did. For example good people do bad things – it’s not black and white. We have all made mistakes or done things we aren’t proud of but that doesn’t mean we are bad people overall. In fact there are more good people who make mistakes and do “bad things” vs bad people overall.

    One thing to also keep in mind is hurt people, hurt people. There is often a reason as to why someone has done something.

    The person that cheats on someone is because they feel lonely and insecure. It doesn’t make cheating right, but we can see why they did it and we are separating the action from the person.

    The person that scams people out of money because they needed to feed their family and keep a roof over their head. Again, not right but we can see why they did it and have some empathy.

    Empathy is a useful aid in forgiving someone. Can you put yourself in their shoes to understand why they did it?  Can you image the other as an innocent child needing love and support? How would you like to be treated if you made a mistake?

    One important thing to remember is that forgiveness is truly about your feelings and not your actions. You aren’t really forgiving someone if you are taking actions to say that you are for example saying “it’s okay now, I forgive you” and then you are still harbouring feelings of anger and resentment deep down inside. Telling someone you forgive them not akin to being forgiving unless its truly about the feeling.

    Sometimes we don’t forgive someone because you want to hold onto anger and resentment, thinking that you are punishing them. Like I said earlier, no you holding onto the feelings of anger and resentment is like taking poison and waiting for them to die. The only person you are hurting is yourself. You are giving this person or people too much power over your life.

    Not only that you can forgive and move on. Forgiving doesn’t automatically mean your feelings shift from anger and resentment to forgiveness and then it’s like nothing happened and you continue to see the person or interact with them. It’s your life and its your boundaries and what you feel comfortable with.

    Questions on forgiveness.

    Is anything and everything forgivable?


    The answer is yes because going back to the definition of forgiveness at the beginning of this episode it’s a voluntary process. You choose. You decide. There are instances of people forgiving those who have wronged them such as murdering a loved one or killing their family. It’s up to you.

    Another common theme that comes up with my coaching clients is what about if the person I am trying to forgive is myself?

    It’s the same process as outlined earlier with they key being:
    1) You are not your actions
    2) Empathy for yourself – you are human. We all make mistakes. We have all done things we aren’t proud of. It’s a part of being human.

    Self forgiveness is hard as the mistakes you make often become attached to underlying beliefs you have. Your brain uses it as evidence for a self fulfilling prophecy. If your brain thinks your bad with money guess what? It’ll interpret every action you do with money as bad. 

    You could invest $2,000 in coaching to transform your life, get unstuck and move forward with your life but since you think you’re bad with money, your brain will weave a story that you’re bad with money – it’s not an investment, you’re just frivolously spending when you’re not.

    Also ask yourself what does hating yourself and punishing yourself do? Not much. It would be more productive to take actions to improve and learn from the experience right?

    That’s why it’s great to work with someone to delve deep into these beliefs you may not be aware of – it’s something I do often with my clients. Most of the time my clients aren’t conscious of it but when I listen, I guide them to piece all their jigsaw pieces together so they become aware of it.

    Conundrums and quarrels when it comes to forgiveness.

    Diving into Bee’s question, who initially asked what about conundrums and quarrels when it comes to forgiveness. What I can tell you is that you learn a lot about yourself and others when you disagree on something. Are you being constructive, coming from a place of love and understanding or is it destructive? Resorting to actions like shouting and criticising someone?

    I want everyone to remember, not every one thinks like you. We live lives from our prospective, we are the frame of reference in the same way everyone else does to them. Other people have their frame of reference. You are the way you are because of your values, your family, your beliefs, the way you were raised, your life experiences – no one person has the exact identical experiences therefore we all see the world differently. 

    Whenever I get frustrated that people can’t see my point of view I remember that. For example I get frustrated when people don’t make the most out of life and they just stay in a rut and that’s because I experienced my dad passing away at a young age which made me realise life is fragile there is no guarantee. So I don’t like to waste my time, especially being stuck.

    Before that YOLO (you only live once) was just a phrase to me and a concept I understood theoretically but until I truly experienced it through a life event – that’s when my perspective shifted. 

    So when someone is stuck, I can help them and I can say and do all these things but ultimately its up to that person to decide to get unstuck and to get help. Very much like my clients, I can guide them, give them the tools but ultimately they are the ones who will get themselves unstuck.

    When you quarrel or argue without someone, ask yourself, what is my true intention here. Are you trying to get a message across to help or are you trying to be right? Is your ego inflating itself being like “I have to be right, I have to have the last say?”.

    I would also ask yourself is the quarrelling worth it? Quarrelling can be very draining and toxic to your energy and you can also lose a relationship over it. Is what you are fighting about worth it? Ask yourself what is worth more to you, inner peace or being right?

    I love these quotes to further reinforce my point. Firstly by Amit Kalantri, “Ultimately all kinds of fights end at forgiveness.” Secondly by Byron Katie, ““Peace doesn’t require two people; it requires only one. It has to be you. The problem begins and ends there.”

    Radical thought: Forgiveness does not need to exist

    Speaking of Byron Katie, she is a is huge pioneer in the field of forgiveness.

    In fact she says “Forgiveness is the discovery that what you thought happened, didn’t.”

    This is a radical thought to drop in your mind.

    In short what she is saying is that we create conditions for how life should be and unfold so when these conditions are broken by someone else we demand forgiveness.

    Mind blowing but so true. Simple. There are no rules, there are no set ways to behave – we create this in our mind through our thoughts. Thoughts are truly so powerful.

    The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 06: Forgivness close

    What a way to end this episode, a true journey on all things forgiveness. Summing it up forgiveness starts in your thoughts, your mindset.

    Are you are you struggling with forgiving in your life whether it’s with others or yourself? Want help learning step by step how to change your thoughts? Change your thoughts and change your life.

    I have limited 1:1 coaching spots left. With 2021 on the horizon, get help and improve your life now. Not in 2021. Now! Links in the show notes on how to contact me and work together.

    Thank you so much for listening beautiful soul. The next two episodes of the podcast I’ve decided will be about our feelings towards Christmas and coping with the holiday season and of course reviewing and reflecting about your year as we gear up for a brand new year, 2021!

    Wishing you inner peace always. Chat to you next Tuesday. Love and Positivity.

    [Episode 06 – Forgiveness: Ends]

    Are you wanting to find out more about 1:1 Coaching or working with me? Maybe perhaps you want to know more about me. I’d love to connect with you. You can visit my website phidang.com or connect with me on Instagram @thephidang. Speak to you soon.

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  • 04: Mental Fitness – Take your Brain to the Gym

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    Episode Summary of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 04: Mental Fitness - Take your Brain to the Gym

    You go the gym to work on your body and get fit. Why wouldn’t you take your brain to the gym? This episode is all about your mental health and fitness. Learn how to work out your brain. A powerful exploration of your mindset.

    What you'll learn from this episode

    (01:32): How coaching is like going to to the gym for your brain
    (02:56): Discomfort is the currency of your success
    (06:14): Why we focus on physical health and not mental health
    (06:52): How to workout your brain
    (07:57): Highlight – Neuroplasticity 

    Key Quotes from this Episode

    Discomfort is the price we pay to grow, as they said ‘no pain, no gain.’

    Phi Dang Tweet

    Discomfort is a part of your growth and success. Really discomfort is the currency of success.


    Phi Dang Tweet

    Try looking at the world from the eyes of a child - have curiosity, wonder and awe of what is going on around you.


    Phi Dang Tweet

    Featured Resources on the episode

    Show Transcript of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 04: Mental Fitness - Take your Brain to the Gym

    You are listening to episode 4: Mental Fitness – Take your Brain to the Gym.

    [Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:

    Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.

    Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.

    My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”

    My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.

    Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.

    This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.

    Ready to grow? Let’s grow!

    [Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]

    [Episode 04: Mental Fitness – Take your Brain to the Gym: Begins]

    Hello beautiful souls you’re listening to Episode #4 of the Growth Through It Podcast. This episode is all about mental fitness and how you can take your brain to the gym. I will share with you a practical 4 step mental fitness workout you can implement in your daily life.

    Before I do, I wanted to give a huge shout out to one of my beautiful clients Fiona who inspired today’s episode.

    Fiona is a huge gym goer. We had a big breakthrough session on Wednesday night and an analogy I had, really hit home for her which I would love to share with you.

    Getting life coaching is the equivalent of taking your brain to the gym.

    It’s not the only way but it’s one of the greatest ways you can take your brain to the gym. I’ll dive into this a little later into the podcast but this episode is all about.

    It is in the same way that a professional athlete has a coach to improve their performance. It doesn’t matter how good they get, they will always have a coach.

    So apply that to your own circumstances, do you have a coach for your life? Athletes need the experience, support, outside perspective and insight of their coach. This is just as true for everyone. Life is hard, it’s not a walk in the park.

    In fact some of the most well known, successful personalities in this world vouch for coaching.

    "Coaching helps you stop the crazy mind chatter in your head that tells you all the time that you’re not good enough."

    Oprah Winfrey Tweet

    “Everyone needs a coach. We all need people that give us feedback. That’s how we improve.”

    Bill Gates Tweet

    There is such power in getting life coaching. You have someone there holding space for you where you can talk about anything and everything in your life (with no need to feel bad, that’s the purpose). As a life coach I work with my clients to discover what is holding them back and support them in taking action over overcome their perceived limits so they can conquer anything.

    Bringing it back to the analogy that getting life coaching is the equivalent of taking your brain to the gym, In the same vein of the analogy, discomfort is a part of your growth and success. Really discomfort is the currency of success.

    You know when you have a big session at the gym, you feel absolutely sore and exhausted but in a good way? That’s when you know you’ve had a good proper workout. Then DOMS kicks in and your arms and legs are sore for days after, maybe you’re even wobbling and it hurts to laugh because you’re that sore but you tolerate it because the pain means that your body is changing.

    Well the equivalent of this is feeling uncomfortable and emotional during and after a life coaching session. You won’t always be emotional but you’ll most certainly be uncomfortable. It’s through discomfort we grow. Discomfort is the price we pay to grow, as they said ‘no pain, no gain.’ Will it always be this way? No. But reflect on your own life, is not when you go through the hardest, the heaviest, the most painful of times that the most growth occurs? Getting out of your comfort zone is where the most growth occurs.

    Moving further into this analogy, I find when I speak to clients and they start crying or feeling down they start to apologise. and I’m like what for!?! You’re having a huge brain workout. Just like the gym, yes it’s uncomfortable, yes you might be in pain but you’re growing! 

    Can you tolerate being uncomfortable and emotional because you are are transforming? Because you are shedding old ways of thinking and patterns? Because you are having new thoughts and creating new neural pathways in your brain? Not only that discomfort, is a part of being human – the full spectrum of it.

    As humans, we are generally willing to feel discomfort because of something. For a purpose. We don’t like going through difficult emotions unless it’s for a purpose, otherwise you’ll see it as just meaningless discomfort for you. 

    Always remember your why, your purpose. Just like gym, keeping your “why” front and center and always available to you, will help you find your strength on those dark days when motivation’s light is nowhere to be found. Take note of this affirmation: I can do hard things (it’s true because you can).

    I mean this doesn’t even just apply to coaching, it applies to your personal development. When you are working on your mindset. When you are working on your self love. When you are working on energetic principles. When you are hitting your goals, your purpose. 

    You have to be willing to feel the discomfort of growth and risk in order to achieve what you want. The more uncomfortable you are willing to be, the closer your life will align to what you want it to be. There’s a whole lot of amazing waiting for you outside of your comfort zone.

    Speaking of fitness, we have such a huge emphasis on getting fit – especially in Australia we have a huge health and fitness scene here. In fact Australians spend an average of almost $1,000 – $900 on average per year at the gym according to Canstar Blue. Why is that we are prepared to spend that much at the gym but bulk at the thought of investing in ourselves mentally whether that’s through life coaching or therapy?

    Why is it that we focus on the physical but forget about the mental? My belief is that when you work out because you can physically see it, that motivates you to keep going. Developing yourself mentally, you can’t physically see it so it can be harder to keep being inspired and motivated but I want you to know, just because you can’t see it – doesn’t mean it’s not happening. You are growing every time you work on yourself so keep going!

    It’s important to be physically fit but equally it is so important to be mentally fit too. So I want to dive in and share some practical ways that you can boost your mental fitness. So let’s dive into this 4 stage mental fitness work out example.

    Stage 1: The Warm Up

    So at the gym you would do stretches or a few exercises to kickstart your workout like push ups? You can also do the same to take a few minutes to get your mind warmed up.

    It could be taking a minute to think about what you are grateful for (which has tremendous positive benefits on your wellbeing) or taking a minute to be mindful, to be fully present in the moment. 

    Taking in a deep breath, observing what is going on around you. What can you see? What can you hear? What can you feel?

    Stage 2: The Work Out

    Did you know your brain has neuroplasticity? Dr Celeste Campbell refers to neuroplasticity as the physiological changes in the brain that happen as the result of our interactions with our environment. From the time the brain begins to develop in utero until the day we die, the connections among the cells in our brains reorganize in response to our changing needs. This dynamic process allows us to learn from and adapt to different experiences.

    How incredible is that? From the moment we are born to the moment we die, this plasticity allows your mind to adapt and change, even as you grow older. As you learn new things, you can create and strengthen neural pathways and networks. 

    This helps make your brain stronger, but it can also help make it more flexible and adaptable to change. Remember this when you think you can’t change your thoughts, you most definitely can, even as you get older.

    Let’s dive into ways you can exercise your mind.

     

    Journaling

    My personal favourite and recommendation for clients is journaling. No excuses it can be simply done on a piece of paper or any writing book you deem your journal. Journaling is a great way to check in with yourself and to get to know yourself better.

    It helps you focus on yourself and actually reduce your stress as you get everything our of your head and onto paper. When you start it could be as simple as reflecting on what you did, how you felt and what thoughts came up for you each day.

    With clients I love to prepare personalised prompts based on what they are working through. If you aren’t working with a coach you can journal to work through something that you’re going through. Perhaps its what scares you and holds you back or is there a relationship in your life you’d like to work on?

    Learn something new

    In addition to journaling I’m going to run you through additional ways to exercise your mind.

    The obvious one that comes to mind is to learn something new.

    Learning something new keeps your mind on its toe because it’s going through obstacles and challenges it hasn’t experienced before.

    In one study done on older adults in 2013, researchers had a group learn a variety of new skills such as digital photography and quilting. They then did memory tests and compared this group to another group engaged in fun non social activities but weren’t mentally challenging like listening to the radio.

    The researchers found that only those in the experiment who had learned a new skill experienced improvement on the memory tests.

    They also discovered that these memory improvements were still present when tested again a year later.

    Not only that research shows any kind of a new skill can create more dopamine neurotransmitters to be released in parts of the brain that control our reward and learning responses. A natural high ensues as nature intended. You just have to find something unique that stimulates your mind in new and exciting ways.

    Do things differently - shake up your routine

    Use your non dominant hand to switch it up. So for example if you are right handed, try using your left hand to brush your teeth, or use it to eat your meals or write. It will be difficult but that is the point.

    The reason that is, is because most of us live lour life as a series of fixed routines which makes sense as its less stressful – we have less choices to make, we perform complex tasks like driving a car with little mental effort. 

    Routines are run by our subconscious mind and require little energy. Once in a while you want to shake that up just like you do with exercise. If you keep doing the same exercises over and over again eventually they become less effective as your body has adapted.

    In addition to switching your hand to break your routine you can do it as simply as taking a different route to get to work or can you try do mundane safe household chores with your eyes closed. Closing your eyes adds difficulty to folding your clothes or washing your hair. Maybe it’s doing something upside down or backwards instead for a change!

    With clients I love to prepare personalised prompts based on what they are working through. If you aren’t working with a coach you can journal to work through something that you’re going through. Perhaps its what scares you and holds you back or is there a relationship in your life you’d like to work on?

    Food related ways to work out your brain

    The next few ideas are to do with food because well I love food!

    Do some cooking! Particularly new recipes you haven’t done before. Cooking uses all your senses — smell, touch, sight, sound and taste — which involve different parts of the brain to keep them active. 

    When you throw in eating unfamiliar foods that truly drives your mind into overdrive exercising to figure out what it thinks of it and gives you a new experience in life. New experiences in life can be hard to come by as we get older as we get more accustomed to wanting comfort in life. 

    Remember when you were a kid? Your mind used to get so blown by the simplest things. Try looking at the world from the eyes of a child – have curiosity, wonder and awe of what is going on around you.

    Think of activities that engage your physical and emotional senses like “Neurobic” exercises that are like cross-training for your brain.

    Challenge your taste buds. When eating, try to identify individual ingredients in your meal, including subtle herbs and spices. Sounds very Masterchefy right?

    Meditation

    Lastly one of the most simple in theory to do but hardest in practice. Meditation.

    Simply put meditation is being in the present moment. The majority of us like to close our eyes, focus on our breathing and let the mind do its thing. To let thoughts pass like clouds, they’re going to come and go and there’s nothing you can do to stop them.

    When you catch yourself thinking about something return your focus to your breath.

    That’s it!

    There’s all sorts of ways to meditate from staring at a candle to listening to a guided medtiation. There are so many apps out there that can help you. Some of personal favourite apps are insight timer, calm and one giant mind.

    Research continually comes out in regards to the benefits of meditation and how it actually changes your brain.

    One of the most interesting studies in the last few years was done at Yale University. Researchers found that mindfulness meditation decreases activity in the default mode network (DMN). 

    This network in your brain is responsible for monkey mind which is when your mind is wandering. This network is on when you’re not thinking about anything in particular, when your mind is bouncing from thought to thought.

    Monkey mind is typically associated with being less happy as you are ruminating or worrying about about the past and future.

    Studies showed that meditation had quieting effecting on the DMN.

    It’s impossible to completely eradicate monkey mind but if you’re a regular meditator you’ll find it’s easier to snap out of it.

    Stage 3: The Cool Down

    Cooling down after a workout is important as it allows your body temperature, bloody pressure and heart rate to return to their normal levels. Stretching helps relieve cramps and stiffness. When we are working on our mindset, it can get heavy depending how deeply we delve into our personal development.

    So our equivalent for cooling down mentally is to change your state. To bring yourself out of the mental zone and relieve any mental intensity.

    To do this, for example if you’re currently sitting down, stand up and I want you to physically shake as if you are dancing. Or it can be as simple as changing your posture or smiling. Perhaps you even want to change your environment and go to a different room – as long as you change your current state!

    Stage 4: Rest

    Just like athletes, your mind also needs a rest. Self care is so important. Resting could be in the form of naps or taking things off your plate when you are overloaded with things to do. The best rest is of course sleep at least 7 hours for adults — if you ever want to know why do yourself a favour and read “Why do we Sleep” by Matthew Walker.

    So our equivalent for cooling down mentally is to change your state. To bring yourself out of the mental zone and relieve any mental intensity.

    To do this, for example if you’re currently sitting down, stand up and I want you to physically shake as if you are dancing. Or it can be as simple as changing your posture or smiling. Perhaps you even want to change your environment and go to a different room – as long as you change your current state!

    Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 04: Mental Fitness - Take your Brain to the Gym Episode Close

    Having your own mental fitness routine takes time to establish. Like exercises, be open to trying new ways and finding what works best for you. 

    Thank you for joining me on this episode on mental fitness and taking your brain to the gym. 

    I’ll chat to you next Tuesday and if you’re looking for a coach and to take your brain to the gym check out the show notes. I currently have 1:1 coaching spots open and available – I would love to work with you.

    [Episode 04: Mental Fitness – Take your Brain to the Gym: Ends]

    Are you wanting to find out more about 1:1 Coaching or working with me? Maybe perhaps you want to know more about me. I’d love to connect with you. You can visit my website phidang.com or connect with me on Instagram @thephidang. Speak to you soon.

    Click here to read more

  • 02: Life is Like a Book and You are The Author

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    Episode 02: Life is Like a Book and You are the Author Summary

    This episode explains how your life is like a book and you are the author. There are prompts and considerations which will shift how you think about your life and your personal power. This episode also includes journal prompts for your reflection.

    What you'll learn from this episode​

    (05:50) Life is Like a Book and You are The Author Set Up
    (08:49) Considerations and Musings about Life is Like a Book and You are The Author Set Up
    (09:20) An analogy you’ve probably never heard of when it comes to Life is Like a Book
    (15:30) Journaling prompts for your reflection

    Key Quotes from this episode

    You are the author of your life. The duration of your book, we don’t know but it doesn’t matter whether its short or long, it’s more how good the book is, how impactful the book is.

    Phi Dang Tweet

    The book of your life is a mixture of genres such as drama, romance, comedy, tragedy. The overarching genre that will always exist alongside everything else is suspense. We don’t know what will happen in life , we just keep turning the page.

    Phi Dang Tweet

    And remember you don’t overcome writers block by staying stuck and doing nothing. Or even waiting for the right moment. You don’t overcome it wallowing in self pity or procrastinating or even just looking up ways to overcome writer’s block… you overcome it through writing, through taking action just like your life.

    Phi Dang Tweet

    Featured Resources on the episode

    Life is Like a Book and You are the Author Show​ Transcript

    You are listening to episode 2: Life is like a Book and You are the Author

    [Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:

    Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.

    Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.

    My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”

    My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.

    Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.

    This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.

    Ready to grow? Let’s grow!

    [Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]

    [Episode 02 – Life is like a Book and You are the Author: Begins]

    Hi Beautiful Soul, I’m glad you’re here! As you probably gathered from the title, today’s podcast is all about how life is like a book and you are the author.

    Books are so magical. There is something so incredible about them. We are transported to new worlds, they let our minds run wild with imagination and guess what, your life is like a book! You are the author of this book. So many things can be said about books, amongst my favourite quotes are:

    “One glance at a book and you hear the voice of another person, perhaps someone dead for 1,000 years. To read is to voyage through time.”

    Carl Sagan Tweet

    “A great book should leave you with many experiences, and slightly exhausted at the end. You live several lives while reading.”

    William Styron Tweet

    “Books are the plane, and the train, and the road. They are the destination, and the journey. They are home.”

    Anna Quindlen Tweet

    So why books and what inspired this episode

    So why books you ask? I’d love to jump into why I wanted to do an episode today about how life is like a book and you are the author.

    In early November, my amazing boyfriend surprised me with a weekend away to Stanwell Tops.

    Stanwell Tops is a beautiful coastal town in New South Wales, Australia halfway between Sydney and Wollongong with cliff views surrounded by thick bush, in fact the royal national park. In fact Stanwell Tops is an internationally famous area for hang-gliding and paragliding. It’s so incredible looking up into the blue sky and seeing so many people flying – how majestic, it truly takes your breath away.

    As it was my birthday, my boyfriend booked a very fancy restaurant in town. You know they boast using native ingredients, fresh local produce.

    We got there and we were waiting over 10 minutes just to get a drinks menu!

    So we bailed (such a thrill for a non adrenaline junkie like me) and went to this cute lovely Thai place – Raya Thai huge shout out.

    So we get there it’s beautiful fairy lights, warm vibrant atmosphere, groups of people catching up laughing, smiling, catching up, the smell of deep fried spring rolls then a song comes on.

    “And now, the end is near

    [Phi interrupts “Now I’m not the best singer, so I am not going to sing it for you but I will read out a few of the lyrics of the song]

    And so I face the final curtain

    My friends, I’ll say it clear.”

    If you don’t recognise the song, it’s “I Did it my way” by Frank Sinatra.

    When I heard this, I immediately got chills up my spine and tears started to roll down my face because that’s the song they played at my dads funeral.

    I started to have a breakdown in the middle of the restaurant.

    The timing seemed so eerie given that the day before I had just told my boyfriend that I was really missing my dad. This felt like a sign that he was trying to communicate with me. It is after all coming up to the 7th anniversary since my dad passed away in 2013.

    How this ties back into books is that english, literature, language and reading is dear to my heart because my dad was an English teacher before he fled Vietnam.

    My dad became a teacher because at the time there was a war in Vietnam and my grandpa did not want my dad to be enlisted and sent off to war. So my dad became an english teacher.

    So when you’re a teacher, a doctor, a person in a position of an important role they consider they don’t send you off to be enlisted and in the army.

    So my dad, he ended up working for the government here in Australia as when he fled the war his university qualifications weren’t accepted here at the time. I’m also glad he fled because that’s how I came to be in existence. 

    My dad met my mum on the boat to Australia in a twist of fate I guess you could say. He wanted to go to America, the United States but there was no room on the boat so he ended up on the boat to Australia which my mum was on. 

    A fun story there but really it was quite an ordeal for my parents who were boat people in a rickety boat and I’m sure one day I’ll share the story further one day.

    Growing up I read a lot. I vividly remember my dad reading me books such as beauty and the beast and spot (does everyone remember the iconic yellow puppy?)

    So there it is a combination of factors reminiscing about my dad and my love for books and reading. Further to that my clients know that when it comes to coaching I love analogies.

    I love analogies because they give you the lightbulb moments the aha as you just get it straight away.

    Life is like a Book and You are the Author

    So let’s jump into it.

    Life is like a book and you are the author.

    You are the author of your life. The duration of your book, we don’t know but it doesn’t matter whether its short or long, it’s more how good the book is, how impactful the book is.

    You are the main character. Throughout a book we see the main character change and grow. We root for main character. We root for characters that are real and human – they aren’t perfect and they aren’t happy all the time. Characters go through challenges, testing events and we love them all the more for it.

    The main character cannot control everything that happens to them but the main character does choose how to react to what happens to them. The main character doesn’t become great in the story by being a passive participant or us seeing the character through a powerless filter, the main character becomes great through intentional actions and thoughts.

    The main character interacts with a supporting cast, the people in your life. Characters in books are just like the people we meet for the first time.

    We get to know these characters as time goes on as we spend quality time with these characters. We learn more about them, we analyse them, we make judgements… and not every character introduced on the first page will be there in the last page.

    Characters come and go and the story will always go on. Just like life and the people in our lives whether that’s by choice or the circumstances of life. Friends, family, loved ones, relationships…

    Often in the story of life, there are villains or antagonists that make life difficult. That is natural and to be expected. How the main character deals with it speaks volumes and sometimes that villain or antagonist in the story is the main character too…

    Further to that whilst you are the main character of your book, other people are the main characters of their book. Sometimes you play a supporting role in someone else’s book. Sometimes you play a minor role in someone’s book. Never forget the impact of your character in other people’s books.

    The book of your life is a mixture of genres such as drama, romance, comedy, tragedy. The overarching genre that will always exist alongside everything else is suspense. We don’t know what will happen in life , we just keep turning the page.

    Your life truly is like a book not a movie where the ending stays the same. Your book is in progress and you choose how your story is shared, you can add plot twists, you can edit and change the script.

    Speaking of editing, when you have rose-tinted glasses on that is the same as any editor who cuts out certain parts of the story to make the book better.

    Life is like a Book and You are the Author: Musings and Considerations

    Running with this analogy that life is a book and you are the author some considerations and musings for you:

    • Every morning is a blank page for you to put your pen on. Some chapters will be happy, some will be sad, some will be exciting, some will be boring but if you never turn the page you will never know what the next chapter holds. Keep going and keep moving forward. How wonderful is it that some of the best days of our lives haven’t even happened yet?

       

    • On every page of your book, no matter what is going on in the story, no matter what events are unfolding or what the words are describing, behind the words there is paper.

       

    • We never speak about the paper of books. The paper hardly draws any attention from us, we don’t really notice the paper or appreciate it but the paper we write our words on is so important. Without it, the words do not exist. They can’t exist. Our words need a canvas (and if you’re technologically savvy translate paper to your computer screen page).

       

    • Whilst the story of your life exists – you know the events that happen in your life, who you are, your wins, your losses, your memories, your achievements at the end of the day you are just. You are you.

       

    • You are like the paper behind the words of life. You are life itself, you are consciousness itself in which the story of your life plays out.

      Paper holds words. The paper itself is never impacted by the story that is on the book. The paper just is. It’s there to allow the words to be there, the words on the paper are embraced unconditionally. They are just there.

       

    • When a book comes to its end, the paper does not fear the end. It doesn’t even fear the end at the beginning of the book, half way through, three quarters through.

      The book just continues to exist through its pages even when the main character dies. The story of the main character lives on through another cast of characters. Your legacy. Death is allowed in the story on the paper. The story continues on, beyond the cycle of life and death of the cast of characters.

       

    • The book in its existence is here, in its very moment. Everything just is. Everything is acceptance. It just is. Just like your life, living in the present moment. You aren’t think about the past, or the future you are just here, living! This is you! How wonderful. How peaceful.

    • So what story is your book telling? If you are always writing, thinking and talking about negative stories that’s what your story will predominantly be about. As they say energy flows where focus goes.

       

    • Are there events or patterns that keep happening in your story? Bring your awareness to this, what is it revealing about yourself? As the saying goes insanity is doing the same thing over and over again hoping for a different result.

       

    • Where are you doing this in your life over and over again?

      That’s what is keeping you stuck.

      For example you can’t keep beating yourself up about past mistakes and thinking you’re not good enough if you want to love yourself. You can’t hate yourself into loving yourself. Or is it relationships? Are you dating different people but the same type of person over and over again, leading to emotionally unavailable partners? If you want a different result you have to change.

       

    • Whilst I mentioned the paper itself is here in the moment, as authors, as readers we may not always be. We often revisit past chapters from time to time but if we stay there it stops us from reading on in the book in the same way it does with our lives.

       

    • Further to that, in the book of your life, writers block my happen. If it is happens its okay. Even the best of authors experience writers block. What can you do when you get writers block?

      You can:

      – Find inspiration.
      – Take a break.
      – Freeflow and write.
      – Change things up, maybe listen to music when you write or change where you are writing your book.

      And remember you don’t overcome writers block by staying stuck and doing nothing. Or even waiting for the right moment.  You don’t overcome it wallowing in self pity or procrastinating or even just looking up ways to overcome writer’s block… you overcome it through writing, through taking action just like your life.

      And remember it’s better to write than not write at all. Eventually the rhythm and flow of your words will return.

       

    • If you’re going through hard times remember it’s just a chapter of your book not the whole story. Nothing lasts forever which is a beautiful thing depending how you see it. Impermanence teaches us to truly appreciate things. It gets us through hard times because we know that pain won’t last forever. I always tell clients if you were happy all the time and nothing went wrong in your life, you would probably be bored and take your life for granted, you wouldn’t be truly living because you wouldn’t know what that is. Death is a compelling factor to live.

    • So how does this all stack up?
      Every day is a new page.
      Every arch of your life is a new chapter.
      Every year is a new series.
      This all makes up the volume, the books of your life.

    • Just like how every page, chapter and series is important in a book as they build to tell a story. This is the same in our lives.

      Everything we go through is part of the human experience. It all happens for a reason.

      When we go through hard times it’s easy to ask why is this happening to me? and default to negative thoughts which in turn make you feel worse off. I’m not saying to always be positive but more to allow yourself to feel your feelings then choose to decide to move forward. Can you reflect on a hard time and see how it was for your higher growth? This comes from a more positive energy which leads to different actions, instead of staying stuck, you choose to continue on with life and move forward.

    • Further to this some chapters may be sweet but they may be short. It’s not always the longest chapters that have the most impact. Sometimes it’s the smallest pages, the half pages.

    Life is Like a Book and You are the Author Episode close and journal prompts for your reflection

    I hope this episode gave you some food for thought. Remember your life is like a book and you are the author. I’d love to end this episode with some journaling prompts for your reflection.

    • Are you the true author of your life or are you letting others write your story?

    • When you give your kids who give your grandkids the story of your life, what do you want to be in that story? What would they learn about you? Are you happy with your story so far?

    • What chapters are you stuck on and can you decide to turn the page?

    • What does your ideal book look like? What makes the book great? A best selling book?

    Thank you for listening to The Growth Through It Podcast With Phi Dang. I will catch you guys next Tuesday with another brand new episode on the 12 Universal Laws, Beyond The Law of Attraction. A very juicy episode indeed and yes there’s more than just the law of attraction. Speak soon and have a beautiful week, love and positivity.

    [Episode 02 – Life is like a Book and You are the Author: Ends]

    Are you wanting to find out more about 1:1 Coaching or working with me? Maybe perhaps you want to know more about me. I’d love to connect with you. You can visit my website phidang.com or connect with me on Instagram @thephidang. Speak to you soon.

    Click here to read more

  • 01: Why Grow Through It and Get to Know Me – Phi

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    Episode Summary of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 01: Why Grow Through It and Get to Kno Me - Phi


    Grow Through It honours life and life’s experiences. Life is happening for you, not to you. Learn all about what the Grow Through It Podcast is about including the four pillars of mindset, self love, energy and purpose. Get to know me, your host, Phi Dang – A clarity and confidence life coach based in Sydney Australia known as The Positivity Queen.

    What you'll learn from this episode

    (01:42) Why Grow Through It?
    (04:30) The 4 Key Pillars of the Grow Through It Podcast and Phi’s Coaching
    (09:59) My Story, My Journey
    (12:26) The turning point in my journey
    (19:46) Why Coaching
    (20:16) My old Instagram: In Her Vitality, how I got 10,000 followers in 3 months
    (22:17) Benefits of Coaching
    (23:37) Why Clarity and Confidence as a Life Coach
    (25:34) My clients

    Key Quotes from this Episode

    You plant seeds every single day, in your community, in your circle, in the world and in others, through every thought you think, every word you speak and every action you take. Are you growing flowers or weeds? The seeds you plant today are the ones you reap tomorrow.

    Phi Dang

    You have 60,000 thoughts a day. What’s going on in your head? Your mind is so powerful but it doesn’t come with a manual.

    Phi Dang

    Your intuition is your soul’s tuition.

    Phi Dang

    Featured Resources on the episode

    Show Transcript

    [Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:

    Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.

    Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.

    My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”

    My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.

    Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.

    This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.

    Ready to grow? Let’s grow!

    [Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]

    [Episode 01 – Why Grow Through It and Get to Know Me – Phi: Begins]

    Hello, hello beautiful soul – I am so glad you are here! Welcome to the first ever Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang episode. It’s been a long time coming and I’m glad the moment is here.

    For those who don’t already know me, Hi! I’m Phi and I am a clarity and confidence life coach known at the Positivity Queen. I help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered by overcoming your negative self talk so you can conquer anything.

    Yes my name is spelt P, h, i and you say it like fee. I have a Vietnamese background. You know how at times you may met people with ethnic names and they adopt an ‘english’ name? Well my parents decided none of that. I was going to be Phi in Vietnamese and in English. My name Phi means flying high.

    So why grow through it? As in the opening of my podcast intro, don’t just go through life, grow through it.

    The name grow through it symbolises so much to me as I hope it does to you.

    It has so much meaning that I would love to share with you.

    Grow Through It honours life and life’s experiences. Your experiences. I truly believe everything that happens in your life is for a reason. That life isn’t just happening to you, life is happening for you.

    Grow Through It honours the shadow side of life: the pain we go through, the sadness we go through, the despair we go through, the heartache we go through, the frustration we go through, the anger we go through, the disappointment we go through, the failure we go through, the pain we go through… all of these experiences help us grow. There is a purpose to it. There is a meaning to it. You are not just going through life, trudging along, you are growing.

    You plant seeds every single day, in your community, in your circle, in the world and in others, through every thought you think, every word you speak and every action you take. Are you growing flowers or weeds? The seeds you plant today are the ones you reap tomorrow. You are worthy, you are loved and you have have influence. You are making an impact in this world, this universe and you matter in every single way.

    Your life is like a garden. Just like a garden, it needs sunlight, rain, pruning, fertilising, care, space maintenance, weeding – you are the gardener, you cultivate it, you water it. In the garden of your life it doesn’t matter what crops you start with or the conditions, your garden can grow with the right conditions.

    There are different types of gardens, flowers, variety, vegetable, fruit. All unique, special and beautiful in their own way.

    Just as people enter your garden, you also enter the garden of others. Do you enjoy the garden you visit? Are you learning new things in the garden? Does the garden enrich your life? Does the garden make your life better?

    As you’ll notice throughout my podcast I love analogies. I find you just get it – the aha moment – the lightbulb moment. So I will share many analogies to articulate concepts to you and I use them a lot in my coaching to which my clients can vouch for.

    So here is to taking it one day at a time.

    Here is to every single experience we go through life.

    Here is to growing every single day.

    Here is to not just going through life, lets grow through it.

    The Grow Through It Podcast is also based on four concepts which are the four key pillars of my coaching: mindset, self love, energy and purpose. I came to these four key pillars through my own self growth journey and working with my clients.

    Mindset

    You have 60,000 thoughts a day. What’s going on in your head? Your mind is so powerful but it doesn’t come with a manual.

    Learn to master your mind for your benefit instead of becoming a slave to your thoughts.

    As you’ll learn from this podcast and if you ever work with me through coaching, your mindset dictates everything you do.

    How you think and what you think influences how you feel. Based on how you feel, you’ll either take action or none at all which lead to a result.

    Learn to master your mind for your benefit instead of becoming a slave to your thoughts. Fine tune your internal monologue instead of just living on auto pilot and accepting thoughts as reality.

    The Grow Through It Podcast is all about having a growth mindset. A mindset that is committed to growth. It’s all about embracing progress. A growth mindset is being open minded to learning from feedback, experiences and embracing challenges. A growth mindset is being determined, having resilience and grit.

    Throughout this podcast I will talk about how your brain and mind work. I will share different perspectives with you and I will question your current ways of thinking to help you grow. Learn how to overcome your limiting beliefs and roadblocks that your mind create. The Grow Through It Podcast focuses not only on your conscious mind but your subconscious mind too. Mind your mindset and expand your mind.

    Self Love

    You can’t hate yourself into a version of yourself that you can love. Self love ultimately is being kind to yourself and appreciating who you are.

    When you love yourself, you make all your decisions out of love and not fear, stress, worry or anxiety.

    Self love means making the best decisions for yourself and always choosing yourself first.

    Self love is all about trusting, respecting, honouring and supporting yourself. It’s taming your inner critic and believing how amazing you are. It’s embracing all of who you are right now. It’s loving yourself as you are right now, unconditionally.

    Most of us love the things we own and the people around us but we forget to love ourselves too. 

    The Grow Through It Podcast is all about helping you ditch your self doubt and dialling up your self acceptance, self care, self esteem, self trust, self respect, self worth and self confidence. It all starts with the self, it all starts with you.

    Energy

    You are made up of matter and energy. Your thoughts and feelings create energy.

    I take the woo and confusion out of energetic principles such as the law of attraction, the universal rules, vibrations, frequencies, manifestation, flow and intuition. I make them practical and easy to understand.

    The Grow Through It Podcast will cover energetic tools that range from healing yourself to making all that you wish a reality. Get back in touch with your soul and spirit. Become more connected to who you are within, your inner guidance. Your intuition is your soul’s tuition.

    Purpose

    Purpose is who you are. It is the compass, GPS, North Star to your life.

    Live up to your full potential. Take ownership of your life. No more auto pilot. Create and live the life of your dreams. Live in alignment with your soul. Understand why you do the things you do (and why you don’t).

    The Grow Through It Podcast is all about living your life deliberately with meaning. It’s about knowing what matters to you. It is about embodying your true intention with everything that you do. It is about finding the beauty in everything that happens in your life and to fully embrace all that has happened and will happen.

    You only live one life, make the most of it.

    Stop playing small and start playing BIG.

    Before I dive into my journey I want to flag that this episode will be longer then my regular episodes. Grow Through It Podcast episodes will be usually around 20 minutes long give or take. I like being concise and sharing snappy episodes that you can listen to on the train, at the gym, getting ready – The Grow Through it Podcast fits into your life.

    This episode goes into a deep dive so lets grow!

    Phi's Journey and Story

    So how did I get into coaching? How did I become a clarity and confidence life coach known as the Positivity Queen?

    My journey? Like yours, it isn’t straightforward, perfect or always positive. In fact, I am just like you. I proud myself on being a very down to earth person despite my looks people see an asian girl with dyed blonde hair, eyelash extensions and assume a variety of things.

    My journey in no way has been all positive and even as the positivity queen I am not always positive (shock secret, no but really, it would be impossible – you would have to be a robot but I, I am human). Life will throw lemons and I make lemonade. Perhaps the alcoholic kind too…

    Through rewiring my mind, I learnt how to turn setbacks into solutions, struggles into strength and turn every experience into knowledge and growth.

    At times I felt so alone wishing that I had someone there who had been what I had been through to teach me what to do, to support me, to help me find my way… and that is why I Clarity and Confidence Life Coach. I’ll speak more about how I actually got into coaching and why coaching later but first I thought you would like to get to know more about me.

    My journey, my story.

     

    I’ve always been known to be positive from a very young age. People around me would always say I was so happy, bubbly and smiley. They are right. I am so positive in fact I am known as the positivity queen but that doesn’t mean my journey has always been positive and happy.

    I’m the only child of migrants who fled Vietnam to Australia on boats (in fact my parents met on the boat to Australia). They sacrificed everything they had to live a better life and worked hard to raise me in a comfortable and sheltered life. I was on track to continue that life. I mapped it all out based on what I was told, the people around me and what I knew from the movies and TV.

    Be the dux at my high school, go to law school, become a lawyer for a top tier firm, meet the love of my life, get married to this said love, buy a house, have a family and live happily ever after… well so I thought! (As many of us do)

    Everything I knew and thought about life came crumbling down when my dad passed away to bowel cancer when I was 20.

    All my life I had been shielded from death and in a turn of events, the first funeral I would ever attend and the first funeral I would ever plan was for my Dad.

    I questioned everything about life especially this supposed map of life. Why do all of it and suddenly I could die? What was the point of life? How can life be so cruel to me, to take away my dad when I was so young?

    In this dark point of my life, I turned to the largest unassuming danger in life: being busy and avoiding emotions. I studying two degrees law and marketing full time, working 4 days a week, side hustling as an english and economics tutor, partying on weekends, working on a huge conference at my university, being an executive on the marketing society, dating unemotionally available men.

    On a side note honestly I would need a whole other podcast to explain my dating life. I was single for 8 years until recently and gone through a whole spectrum of dating and relationship experiences. 

    My first love, my primary school sweetheart cheated on me in university. I used to date men that you would consider successful and high achievers from the outside, men in powerful positions from doctors, bankers, start up creators and so forth. Just because it looks like they have their stuff together on the outside doesn’t mean they did internally, trust me. 

    I’ve been ghosted and I’ve ghosted people. I’ve had my heart broken and I broke people’s hearts. I’ve dated commitment phobes and I was a commitment phobe. I’ve chased men and been chased by men. Predominantly most of my dating took place through apps like tinder, bumble and hinge because for most of my life my friends have had partners except me. I make note of this because dating and relationships are a lot of what I discuss with my clients given my experience but it is not the only thing.

    Back to my story – so I completely avoided feeling the pain and grief of my Dad unconsciously. I thought this was what I was meant to do, accept what happened, get on with life and move forward.

    Life has a funny way of throwing lemons at you. In In this instance it catapulted thousands of them my way in the form of my feelings. I was in such despair and depression. In an ironic twist, the feelings did quickly fade away but I was left feeling numb.

    I thought my life ended when I lost my dad and on top of this I had to cancel my backpacking trip to Europe (losing $10K) and take a semester off of university (this truly did feel like the end of the world according to my map of life).

    Whilst dealing with this all, I felt so ashamed and embarrassed. I remember not leaving the house for weeks and weeks avoiding phone calls from anyone and everyone. Not only that for the first time in my life I struggled to sleep everyday for a month. It was horrible, I went from sleeping 8-10 hours a night to maybe 1 or 2 a night. I felt like a living zombie.

    Then I had the light bulb moment. A-ha!

    I remember lying on the floor of my living room curled up in a ball for the twentieth day in a row.

    “Why are you doing this?”

    “Dad wouldn’t want you to be doing this, he wanted you to go on with your life and thrive”

    “Continuing to do this, isn’t going to change anything”…

    From there I decided enough was enough.

    Enough feeling sorry for myself.

    Enough stewing in my sadness.

    Enough being the victim of life.

    I chose right then and there to build my life back up from the ground up. I chose to be courageous, to continue living my life, inspired by all that my Dad had taught me.

    + I learnt to master my mind, my thoughts didn’t control me anymore, I controlled them.

    + I learnt to support myself and self soothe instead of turning to external validation.

    + I processed the deep pain, sadness and anger that I was avoiding and ignoring. 

    + I grew through the discomfort of confronting myself, questioning myself.

    + I transformed the way I thought. I stopped beating myself up. I stopped self sabotaging myself.

    + I stopped thinking everything was happening to me and realised I had power, I could change my life.

    + I started truly loving myself, accepting who I was, knowing my worth.

    + I dropped out of law school and went on to travel to 20 cities across the US and Europe for 3 months.

    + I began to live life on my terms. No more living to what society deemed as a perfect life and timeline.

    + I listened to my soul instead of caring what people thought about me and taking on their opinions.

    + I woke up to what really mattered to me in this amazing life I get to live.

    I transformed through a spiritual reawakening. I became conscious of my ego and shadow.

    The darkest moment of my life turned out to be the greatest teacher in my life.

    Life would go on to give me lemons in the form of dealing with anxiety, being bullied, burning out and don’t get me started on being single for 8 years after being cheated on and going on the dating merry-go-round (round and round).

    But I didn’t just go through that all, I grew through that all. And now? I know that no matter what happens in my life, no matter what lemons life throws at me, I can handle it. I can conquer it.

    I make lemonade. 🍸

    + I ended up graduating University with several merit awards, deans awards and honours.

    + I scaled the corporate ladder, getting nominated for an industry award 6 months into my career and quickly became a strategy manager at 25.

    + I called in a deep love and met my amazing partner who I live by the beach with.

    + I participated in the World’s First Women’s Only Wim Hof Retreat. If you haven’t heard of Wim Hof he is known as the ice man. In this retreat run by the dear Leah Scott, in the middle of winter I plunged, immersed and swam in ice cold water 0 degrees. In fact she had a hammer to smash through the ice! Not only that I hiked Mount Kosciuszko whilst it was snowing in the middle of winter wearing a sports bra and shorts.

    + I have over 25 countries and 40 cities around the world, mostly solo since I was 19. My favouritie places you ask? Bali, Madrid and New Orleans.

    + I consider myself a Phi-oodie. I am obsessed with food. Whilst other kids watched cartoons, I watched Rick Stein and Delia Smith.

    How I got into Coaching and the benefits of Coaching

    So why coaching?

    Coaching is a life changing experience.

    I have had coaches myself throughout the years that have helped and supported me in becoming the best version of myself before I actually became a coach.

    What prompted me to become a coach was actually the Corona virus a silver lining in it all. When it hit, for the first time in my life in a very long time since I started working when I was 15 I had a solid break. After hustling and grinding up the corporate ladder, I had time! Wow!

    So I kicked into gear and did something I always wanted to do. Help other people especially by normalising and talking about mental health.

    I started an Instagram page called in her vitality (punny I know!) and to my shock within 3 months I had a following of 10,000+ followers. What really kickstarted my growth was not being afraid to voice my opinions. At the beginning of men’s mental health week in June 2020 the 15th to the 21st, I made a post which changed my life.

    I remember hearing about mens mental health week through Sarah Davidson (she has an amazing podcast Seize the Yay) and I was shocked no one else influential or anyone really was talking about it. At the time I was a female orientated page but I knew I had to say something to do my part in mens mental health. So i made this post which you can find on my instagram @thephidang.

    On the post it said Men Cry. Men Get anxiety. Men have emotions. Men feel insecure. Men get anxious. Men get bullied. Men have suicidal thoughts. Let’s support Men. You are not alone. This was accompanied by alarming statistics from Beyond Blue such as 1 in 8 men experience depression, 6 out of 8 suicides everyday in Australia. The post went viral with over half a million people reached, it was shared over 150,00 times in the DMs alone, it was just insane.

    I will continue to vouch for mental health for everyone and especially for men given the huge stigma around men and emotions. Emotions are seen as a feminine thing which it is its from a place of feminine energy (feeling) however as humans we all have masculine and feminine energies.

    When I realised the impact I could make, I wanted to do the thing that I had put off, becoming a coach. It made sense really – I’m that go to friend – people ask me for advice when it comes to their life hence a life coach whether it be about their career, dating, getting over heartbreak, family, friendships and so forth.

    — Coaching unlocks your full potential and be fully supported along the way. Life coaching unlocks what the gym does for the body, a coach for an athlete’s performance. You go to the gym to keep fit, to feel good and love your body. Why wouldn’t you do the same for your mind?

    — Your brain does not come with a manual. Learn how to rewire your brain to serve you best. Overcome limiting beliefs and negative self-talk.

    — Breakthrough your fears, self hatred, insecurities, self sabotaging patterns, perfectionism and procrastination.

    — Get unstuck and out of a rut. Wake up energised every morning and live with purpose.

    — Give yourself the best gift of all: investing in yourself. With coaching you have a dedicated hour all about you. Talk about whatever is on your mind. You can talk about anything you like – I got you. I will hold space for you and listen.

    Why am I a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach?

    When you are clear and confident, you can handle anything that happens in your life, in fact you can conquer anything. It won’t matter if proverbial shit hits the fan. You’ll handle it. Simple.

    Clarity

    To understand the importance of clarity is knowing what life is like without it.

    – You aren’t happy with your life but you don’t know why exactly. You feel as if there is more to life than the life you are currently living.

    – If you know why you aren’t happy it still doesn’t do much for you. You’ve tried everything but nothing is working. You feel fed up and you don’t know what to do, hoping someone out there can help.

    – Life feels overwhelming, there is so much happening and you don’t know where to start.

    –  You feel as if you are missing answers.

    That is why clarity is important.

    + It’s knowing what to do with what you have right now. You are making your dreams and goals happen.

    + It’s waking up every day excited with purpose. Your values are at the heart of everything you do.

    It’s feeling fulfilled, happy and ready to conquer anything, no matter what happens in your life.

    Confidence

    At the core of it, confidence is truly loving yourself.

    + You like who you are.

    + You respect who you are.

    + You think positively about yourself.

    + You recognise how amazing you are.

    + You can handle your mind.

    + You can handle your thoughts.

    + You know you can figure things out.

    + You know you can experience any emotion and you will be okay whether that’s heartbreak, pain, humiliation, fear, disappointment, discomfort – whatever it is, you can handle it.

    + You know that if something wrong happens, if you fall down, you know you can get back up. You are capable of doing hard things.

    + You have a strong sense of self. People will have opinions but they don’t define who you are or change what you do.

    You show up and be the best version of you. Every. Single. Day.

    Coaching and my clients

    My heart and soul are so happy and appreciative to be a coach. As a coach I guide, teach and support my clients but they are the true heroes. They do they hard work to work on themselves and make their dreams a reality. 

    A huge shout out to my clients you inspire me and I am in awe of you. I’ve helped clients move on from past relationships and their past, enter new relationships with self love and confidence, kick start businesses that sell products before they even officially open, make new friends, sleep better at night –  the possibilities are endless with coaching.

    If you would like to work with me, Yes I am currently open and available to supporting more people through 1:1 coaching. If you are interested, I would love to connect and speak with you. I can help you. You can find out more information on my website phidang.com or connect with me on Instagram @thephidang.

    Episode closing 01: Why Grow Through It and All About Me - Phi

    So this was episode 1. Why Grow Through It and Get to Know Me (Phi). I can’t wait for you to join me on this journey as you learn practical tips and strategies on how to develop and grow. To learn more about mindset, self love, energy and purpose. For the most part I foresee the podcast being solo episodes but I will have special guests on from time to time. 

    I’ve actually pre recorded so much goodness for you with juicy insights so it doesn’t just end here on episode 1 until next Tuesday when I release new episodes weekly. 

    You can also listen to Episode 2, Life is like a book and you are the author, Episode 3, Beyond the law of attraction, the 12 universal laws and Episode 4, Mental Fitness – Take your Brain to the gym. 

    Happy listening. Speak soon and chat to you next Tuesday.

    [Episode 01 – Why Grow Through It and Get to Know Me – Phi: Ends]

    Are you wanting to find out more about 1:1 Coaching or working with me? Maybe perhaps you want to know more about me. I’d love to connect with you. You can visit my website phidang.com or connect with me on Instagram @thephidang. Speak to you soon.

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  • Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang Trailer

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    About the Grow Through It Podcast

    Grow Through It, is a podcast on all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose. Hosted by Phi Dang, a clarity and confidence life coach known as ‘The Positivity Queen,’ this podcast is for you if you are looking for not just inspiration and motivation to live your best life but practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.

    Trailer for Phi Dang's Podcast, Grow Through It With Phi Dang Show Transcript

    Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it. 

    Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang. 

    My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.” 

    My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything. 

    Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.

    This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.

    Click here to read more