Episode Summary of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 25: Vulnerability Hangover

Vulnerability. It’s something we are all afraid of. To be fully seen for who we are. So what happens when we muster up all the courage and be vulnerable? In the aftermath and of an exhilarating high comes a vulnerability hangover. Learn more about what a vulnerability hangover is and ways to cope with a vulnerability hangover.

What you'll learn from this episode

  • What is a vulnerability hangover?
  • Why you feel so anxious about being vulnerable
  • Ways to cope with a vulnerability hangover

Key Quotes from this Episode

It’s not to say your vulnerability and bravery aren’t seen or important. It’s just that it’s part of the fabric of life.

Phi Dang

Growth isn't easy but damn it looks good on you!

Phi Dang

You are strong, you can handle a bunch of sensations.

Phi Dang

Featured Resources on the episode

Show Transcript

[Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:

Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.

Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.

My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”

My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.

Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.

This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.

Ready to grow? Let’s grow!

[Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]

[Episode 25 – Vulnerability Hangover]

Vulnerability Hangover Introduction

Hello beautiful soul! Oh my goodness that full moon in Scorpio was intense wasn’t it? I definitely felt it in my soul and bones as a Scorpio and oh boy that moon delivered.

This full moon for me was all about being vulnerable and I want to share some beautiful lessons with you.

Vulnerability of creation

First of all I am feeling vulnerable but super excited about my first live masterclass ever Manifestation Magic happening this Sunday the 2nd of May! We already have 11 beautiful souls inside, if it’s calling you – it’s not too late to join. The link to join is on my website and Instagram bio.

Vulnerability of being seen

Secondly, the moon was all about illuminating light to the shadows and something damn scary happened to me. One of my biggest fears came true. I have a corporate job too and I was so nervous and worried about my boss and team finding out. My head built a story of they are going to think you are weird, it’s very personal information I share in my world etc.

In fact, I didn’t share it out of my own accord – external events happened beyond my control that led to this.

When I found out I felt absolutely sick to my stomach in fact I couldn’t sleep. When it was out in the open I realised how it was all a giant mind story. My boss and team were super supportive and loving. I am so happy and appreciative and it taught me a lot about how we create our own suffering by worrying about things and creating stories that are not true.

Everything happens for a reason - trust and divine timing

Even though I didn’t choose to let it out, I allowed and trusted in the universe and divine timing. I never question, I genuinely always know that everything happens for a reason and the time it is supposed to. Nothing I do can change the force of the universe.

Take back your power from fear and anxiety by stepping back.

Watching the stories unfold and know that the stories aren’t necessarily true – they are a by product and creation of an over active mind.

Who coined the term vulnerability hangover?

Now I’m on the other side of this emotional journey feeling what we call a vulnerability hangover. I’m pretty sure the queen and expert of shame and vulnerability Researcher Brené Brown coined the term in her TED talk.

What is a vulnerability hangover?

A vulnerability hangover occurs when you are opening yourself up to fully being seen. You are all parts courages, brave and strong. 

The hangover and flip side of all that is feeling scared and worried about being judged and fully seen for who you truly are.

This sensation is normal – it can feel unpleasant after the exhilarating high of putting yourself out there after working yourself up to.

Why do you get a vulnerability hangover?

So why do we fear being vulnerable and get these vulnerability hangovers?

This goes back to our ancestors. We are built to survive in tribes. 

We thrive being connecting and belonging to a group – working together, collaborating. This need to belong is actually primal and raw in nature. 

Think about your ancestors, if you did not have a tribe, life would be very hard. You would have to fend for yourself, protect yourself, hunt yourself etc.

When we put ourselves out there we may feel different, weak and exposed or ashamed of who we really are which in your mind threatens your safety (safety being belonging in a group). 

Fascinating right?

What to do when you have a vulnerability hangover

So if you’re nursing a vulnerability hangover what is the best thing to do?

Feel your feelings

Feel your feelings.

Slow down and tune in to how you are feeling in your body.

For me, I feel tight in the chest and jaw. I feel like cowering my shoulders inwards as a protection and defence mechanism. I feel my heart race. This is all okay!

When you allow yourself to feel your feelings the move through you. I like to think of emotions moving through me as if I am transparent. If I don’t allow them to, the emotions are unable to move and become solidified and stuck in my energy which can be heavy.

So be light and transparent. Let your feelings move through you. 

Get perspective, zoom out of your life

Another tip for you is to get perspective. Zoom out of your life.

Reverse Narcissism

So often we can become a reverse narcissist. So what do I mean by that?

Well we think the whole world revolves around us and people are always thinking about us, watching us, judging us which they aren’t… I mean think about your life and being – you are probably too busy thinking about yourself, watching yourself, judging yourself. You don’t have time to do it for others!

How to zoom out of your life

Zoom out and see this in the light of a bigger picture. 

It feels like this big massive event like the big bang or something when really, so many events and moments happen every single day in life. 

It’s not to say your vulnerability and bravery aren’t seen or important. It’s just that it’s part of the fabric of life. 

When you can zoom out you see that this big event in your life could be a little event in the universe and your network.

A vulnerability hangover means growth

When you zoom out you see that vulnerability is helping you grow. 

To expand your world. 

You become bigger and braver in the world (yay!). 

So whilst it feels all dramatic like a soap opera, it’s all okay. It’s part of the many twists and turns in life! 

You don’t grow when you’re comfortable. You grow when you are uncomfortable.

Extremely uncomfortable.

Be kind and compassionate with yourself, growth isn’t easy but damn it looks good on you!

Purpose and vulnerability hangovers

When I get a bad case of the vulnerability hangover I think about my purpose.

Why I share parts of myself and bring them to light?

For me, it’s to help others. To be vulnerable means to be human. We relate with humans not plastic robots. It’s through vulnerability and sharing we connect.

The whole reason I started my Instagram and life coaching business was to help others. Even if it was just one person. I always think about that one person who reads my Instagram post, watches an Instagram story or listens to a podcast episode. If what I share helps them and makes them realise they aren’t alone then my job is done!

The root of a vulnerability hangover

Perhaps you created something and put it out there in the world to help others or uplift others – that is beautiful.

Perhaps you shared something you’ve never told anyone and it made you feel better, lighter and freer  – that is beautiful.

Perhaps you dared to go against the status quo and to speak your truth. That makes you a game changer – that is beautiful.

Your vulnerability, magnetism, energy and power are all so beautiful.

The purpose of a vulnerability hangover

The following quote by Marianne Williamson is on of my favourites that I would love to share with you in light of this:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Marianne Williamson

God can be swapped out with Spirit, Universe, Source, One Truth – whatever speaks to your heart and soul.

Vulnerability Hangover - You are stronger than you think

On a final note on getting over a vulnerability hangover – don’t forget how strong you are! 

That you’ve been through much harder and at the end of the day the vulnerability hangover is a bunch of sensations and feelings. 

You are strong, you can handle a bunch of sensations.

Episode closing Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang 25: Vulnerability Hangover

With this all in mind, being vulnerable, open and fully seen I can breathe a sigh of relief. 

No more hiding, no more anxiety. 

I’m here on the world stage as me. 

If I fully embrace and love me, the outside world can’t get to me. Sure I still get the vulnerability hangover but no one can make me feel worse off except me. 

I stand in my power. 

Here is to you and your power beautiful soul.

Until next Tuesday with another episode, love and positivity.

[Episode 25 – Vulnerability Hangover Outro]

Are you wanting to find out more about 1:1 Coaching or working with me? Maybe perhaps you want to know more about me. I’d love to connect with you. You can visit my website phidang.com or connect with me on Instagram @thephidang. Speak to you soon.

Phi Dang