Grow Through It Podcast

  • 84: Capricorn Full Moon

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    Insight into the energy and vibe of the Capricorn Full Moon taking place July 21st 2024. This episode also provides journaling prompts and questions for the Capricorn Full Moon with the themes being that of family, career, letting go, endings and beginnings as well as balance. 

    Resources from today's episode

    Work with Phi

    June and July 2024 Capricorn Full Moon

    This full moon is the second in that of Capricorn with the first one taking place 4 weeks prior on the 21st of June. Think of the previous full moon laying down foundational pieces of insights and information with this full moon to conclude it. You might find you’re having a do over, second review, a second chance as to whatever was taking place around the 21st of June. Was there something weighing you down? Something that didn’t fully finish? Something you needed to take responsibility for? A boundary to put in place? 

    Cancer and Leo Cusp = Family

    It’s on the cusp of Cancer transitioning into Leo season. When these two come together it’s the thematic energy of family. Cancer is the mother of all the signs ruled by the moon, the feminine. The opposing partner sign of Cancer is Capricorn seen as the father of all signs, ruled by Saturn, which we know is all about structure, discipline and hard work. 

    Saturn Retrograde Capricorn Full Moon

    Saturn is of course retrograde right now and has been since the end of June and will be until mid November this year. Paired with the full moon it’s a beautiful time to revisit, review and reassess any areas where Saturn is within your astrology and human design chart as well as general Saturninan themes such as discipline, structure, boundaries, personal responsibility and long term goals. The goal of Saturn is to establish strong foundations so keep that in mind too.

    Degree of Fate endings karma

    To also note energetically the degree in which the full moon in Capricorn is taking place is in the 29th which is the last degree of any sign known as the “degree of fate” so it marks a time where what has been brought up often signifies an ending, a breaking point, a breakthrough. The full moon in Capricorn has reached her peak, full self. It’s that moment after running a tiring marathon that it’s been a journey but at last here it is in sight the end: you can almost taste it and touch it. In fact this particular full moon in Capricorn has the nickname of the “buck moon” as during this time of the year because buck, deers, have fully developed their antlers, and it is time to shed them to start again and grow new ones.

    Again given Saturn Retrograde it may be the time for unfinished business or karma to resolve itself for you to address, grow and evolve. 

    New beginnings Capricorn Full Moon 2024

    This leads to well 0 degrees which is the starting point of any sign and in terms of the cosmos, the planet Pluto is in that for the sign of Aquarius which means collectively we can expect the unexpected of new beginnings. 

    Earth Grounding Capricorn Energy

    Without getting into the nitty gritty of everything going on in the cosmos, alongside the influences of Chiron the wounded healer in Aries, Neptune in Pisces, Mars and Uranus in Taurus it’s a dense pressure cooker with regards to internal tension and emotions arising from beneath the surface and shadows. Capricorn is an earth sign so really focus on practices such as grounding and earthing a well as spending time in nature to relax, reset and release. It’s feeling to me energetically like one of those moons that feels like a lot in the moment but afterwards and the end you feel so much better for it, lightened and lifted. Capricorn is the sea goat after all so instinctively and intuitively you know how to navigate the sometimes choppy, other times still waters of your emotions and the subconscious. 

    Journaling Prompts Capricorn Full Moon 2024

    Without further ado, let’s get into some journaling prompts shall we?

    Timing + Energy

    Reflect on what was going on for you at the end of June compared to now?

    What is coming to an end for you at this moment in time? What do you consciously want to let go of and shed?

    Can you relate to a deer and it’s time to shed antlers? Does this correlate with the season and timing of your life? Linking to the past episode I did intuitively on identity shifts. Is one taking place for you in this current cycle of your life?

    How would you like to see your life shift and change in the long term, say next 5 to 10 years?

    Family

    What is the state of your current family relationships and dynamics?

    Are there any unresolved issues or tensions within my family that need addressing at this point in time? How can you approach this from a compassion and nurturing perspective for yourself?

    Career and Reputation

    Capricorn is linked to career and public image/reputation. 

    What is currently going on for you in your career and is there anything you need to complete and/or let go of? Is there a desire or need to recalibrate within your career? 

    How do you think you are perceived at this point in time whether it’s personally or professionally? What can you do off the back of this information?

    Emotions

    How can you balance your emotional needs with your personal responsibilities? 

    Reflect on a harmonious balance and interplay for you between nurturing yourself and having discipline and structure. Perhaps take inspiration from deer: gentle, sweet, innocent, graceful, loving, strong, protective – they are very attuned to what is going on around them.

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  • 83: Navigating Identity Shifts: Embracing Change

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    Are you feeling like you are changing? You might be going through an identity shift. This episode is all about what is an identity shift, why an identity shift may occur, the emotions that can come up when going through an identity shift as well as practical tips and mindset perspectives on how to navigate and embrace an identity shift happening.

    Resources from today's episode

    Work with Phi

    Human Design, Identity Shift and The Great Unlearning

    Hello beautiful souls, and welcome to today’s episode inspired by the 8 beautiful women I am taking on retreat to Bali in less than 3 weeks! A beautiful golden thread that weaves amongst us all is that we are all navigating and relating identity shifts whether its in regards to different stages of life or a coming of ages for example.

    It’s so interesting for me to speak about it especially given my human design personally I have a completely open and undefined g centre and with that comes a common misconception especially for reflectors that it means you have no identity which isn’t true. I definitely have one and if you were to ask people who is Phi I think you’d find they would say human design expert, life coach, positivity queen, beach living, the colour orange, sunflowers and so fourth.

    Thus we have this concept of self appointed identity and your true identity. There’s so many layers to this and I delve into this in greater depth in Chapter 7 Self Identity of my book The Great Unlearning available as a physical book, e book and audiobook too by the way!

    I write that learning is that 

    You are (insert name). You are (insert number) years old. You are a (insert job here). 

    Who are you? Who are you really? Are you you because of you or because the world made you this way? Do you know your place in this world? How do you answer those awkward ice breakers in a group environment? Fun fact about yourself? (Cue the anxiety racking your brain for one.) Two truths and a lie? What makes you, you? You are normal, right? 

    Human Design as a tool to navigate an identity shift

    We have labels and ways we attempt to understand ourselves ultimately as a divine soul having a human experience. Our identity is one of those ways we make sense of the world and the best tool, modality and framework for that in my opinion is human design because it’s so incredibly powerful. It’s a map and guide to who you are through the lens of your energy, personality, where energy flows between different parts of who you are, life themes and amongst a diverse and rich set of information found in your human design blueprint which I’ll add I do readings as well as online blueprints which you can find on my website and to book in a reading with me.

    Saturn Return and Identity Shift

    So how did identity shifts come into the fold of conversation well the other day last week I found myself at the beach on the sand after I swim where I used to live for four years and it dawned on me that I hadn’t been back since I moved out off the back of the breakup 2 years ago with my ex partner of 3 years.

    I had this moment where I was like wow I am so different to the girl who used to come to this beach everyday whether it was 5am before work and side hustle life coaching or 11am on a Monday to soak in my new found freedom running my own business.

    That in itself I had so many identities tied to this one moment time and strangely but not really because nothing is a coincidence is it, that hey I happened to also end up at this beach around the time we parted ways for good when my ex partner moved back to England.

    A few of the identity interplays I had back then:

    I was going through my Saturn Return at around the age of 27. Before my Saturn Return begun I had just moved to my own two bedroom apartment and planned to have a hot girl single summer before I ended up meeting my ex partner, falling in love and he moved in with me. I was in a high flying corporate job as a brand strategy manager when the pandemic happened and with reduced work hours I had the downtime to start my passion project my Instagram which led to my side hustle as a life coach by demand and now it’s almost three years full time as a life  coach in my own business. 

    By the end of my Saturn Return my ex partner and I broke up and I moved to my dream apartment at a neighbouring iconic beach. If we take Saturn Return to extend to 31 for it’s final completion that’s still underway but here I am thriving and loving life three years as a life coach, have written a book, made multiple 6 figures in my business, about to take a group of incredible 8 women on retreat to Bali and recently celebrated one year with my new partner. Whewwww Saturn Return I know. As you can see so many different identities here: single, in a relationship, corporate identity, employee, self employed like even the suburbs I lived in previously was more a beach lifestyle, chilled settled down community to iconic, busy and bustling.

    Unlearning like a phoenix with your identity

    It aligns and makes sense to me of course that my book is The Great Unlearning: Awakening to living an Aligned and Authentic Life with the symbol being that of a phoenix. See that as a parallel to our identities within a life time, dying to rise and reborn from the ashes of our previous.

    Such a worthwhile, life changing experience of identity shifts but not without it’s challenges, I think these two quotes could summarise my experience:

    “Growth is painful. Change is painful. But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don’t belong.”

    Mandy Hale

    “We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”

    Joseph Campbell

    What is an identity shift?

    Identity shifts refer to significant changes in the way individuals perceive themselves and how they define their roles, values, and beliefs. These shifts can occur gradually or suddenly and can be influenced by various internal and external factors. They often involve a reevaluation of one’s self-concept and can lead to a transformation in behavior, attitudes, and life choices.

    Why do identity shifts happen?

    Life Transitions

    Major life events such as marriage, divorce, becoming a parent, or experiencing the death of a loved one can trigger identity shifts.

    These transitions often require individuals to adapt to new roles and responsibilities, leading to a redefinition of their self-identity.

     

    “Grief does not change you, Hazel. It reveals you.”

    John Green

    When my Dad was ill and passed away when I just turned 20 I became someone who lives life to the fullest, travel, try things I would never do such as when he was sick backpacking around Europe at 18/19 solo. Going to a festival by myself at Tomorrowland. Opening myself up to new experiences I previously said I would never do or consider.

    Personal Growth

    As people grow and mature, their values, beliefs, and priorities can change.

    Personal development activities, such as education, therapy, or spiritual practices, can facilitate self-discovery and identity shifts.

    Coming out of spiritual closet, feel more comfortable once I left my corporate job for example but if I’m honest it started earlier with me sharing updates on the moon.

    Career Changes

    Changing careers or job roles can significantly impact one’s sense of identity.

    Entrepreneur the way I see money e.g. investment vs a debt.

    Moving from a familiar profession to a new one can lead to a reassessment of skills, strengths, and professional identity.

    Going back to school, higher education.

    Cultural and Social influences

    Migration, exposure to different cultures, or changes in societal norms can prompt identity shifts.

    Adapting to new cultural environments can lead to a blending or reevaluation of cultural identities.

    Going back to Vietnam sparked this in me. A sense of pride, understanding my family more, my roots, ancestry and lineage.

    Health and Wellbeing

    Experiencing a major health crisis or achieving significant health goals can alter self-perception.

    Overcoming illness or making substantial lifestyle changes can lead to a renewed sense of self.

    Relationships

    Entering or leaving significant relationships can prompt identity shifts.

    Interactions with new social circles, partners, or mentors can influence one’s self-concept.

    Psychological

    Comparison to other people, self discovery 

    Inner reflections, midlife crises, or existential questions can lead to identity shifts.

    Individuals might seek deeper meaning and purpose, prompting a reevaluation of their identity.

    Identity Shift and Emotional Journey

    1. Confusion and Uncertainty

    • Loss of Familiarity:
      • Individuals may feel disoriented as they navigate new roles and identities, leading to a sense of loss regarding their former self.
    • Questioning Self-Worth:
      • During the transition, self-doubt and uncertainty about one’s abilities and value can emerge, challenging self-esteem.

    2. Anxiety and Stress

    • Fear of the Unknown:
      • The unpredictability associated with identity shifts can cause anxiety, as individuals worry about adapting to new circumstances and the potential for failure.
    • Pressure to Adapt:
      • The need to quickly adjust to new roles or environments can be stressful, particularly if external expectations are high. You want to be like a duck on water already but it takes time.

    3. Grief and Loss

    • Mourning the Old Identity:
      • Letting go of a previous identity can evoke feelings of grief and loss, similar to mourning a significant life change.
    • Sense of Nostalgia:
      • Reflecting on past roles and experiences can trigger nostalgia, sometimes making it difficult to fully embrace the new identity.

    4. Excitement and Empowerment

    • Opportunities for Growth:
      • Identity shifts often present opportunities for personal and professional growth, leading to feelings of excitement and anticipation.
    • Sense of Achievement:
      • Successfully navigating an identity shift can boost confidence and a sense of accomplishment, reinforcing self-efficacy.

    5. Resilience and Adaptability

    • Building Resilience:
      • Overcoming the challenges of an identity shift can enhance resilience, as individuals learn to adapt and thrive in new circumstances.
    • Strengthening Coping Mechanisms:
      • Developing new coping strategies during the transition can improve overall emotional and psychological well-being.

    6. Identity Confusion and Crisis

    • Struggle with Self-Concept:
      • Identity shifts can lead to an identity crisis, where individuals struggle to reconcile different aspects of their self-concept.
    • Existential Questions:
      • Deep questioning of one’s purpose, values, and life direction can arise, leading to a period of introspection and self-exploration.

    7. Improved Self-Awareness

    • Enhanced Self-Understanding:
      • The process of navigating an identity shift can lead to greater self-awareness and a deeper understanding of one’s values, strengths, and passions.
    • Clarified Life Goals:
      • Reassessing one’s identity often results in more clearly defined life goals and a stronger sense of direction.

    8. Social and Relational Impacts

    • Changes in Relationships:
      • Identity shifts can alter dynamics in personal and professional relationships, as others adjust to the individual’s new identity.
    • Seeking Support:
      • Building a supportive network of friends, family, or professional counselors can be crucial in managing the emotional impacts of the transition.
          

    9. Emotional Rollercoaster

    • Fluctuating Emotions:
      • The journey through an identity shift is often marked by fluctuating emotions, including moments of joy, frustration, hope, and despair.
    • Navigating Ambiguity:
      • Learning to navigate the ambiguity and mixed emotions associated with identity shifts is a key part of the process.

    10. Acceptance and Integration

    • Embracing Change:
      • Gradually accepting and integrating the new identity can lead to a sense of peace and wholeness.
    • Authentic Self-Expression:
      • The culmination of an identity shift often results in more authentic self-expression and a more cohesive sense of self.

    Identity Shift Process; Framework of Stages

    1. Disruption:
      • An event or realization disrupts the current sense of identity.
      • This can cause feelings of confusion, anxiety, or loss.
    1. Exploration:
      • Individuals begin to explore new roles, beliefs, and values.
      • This phase involves self-reflection, experimentation, and seeking new experiences.
    1. Integration:
      • New aspects of identity are integrated into the self-concept.
      • This stage involves accepting and embracing the new identity, leading to a more cohesive sense of self.
    1. Stabilization:
      • The new identity becomes more stable and consistent.
      • Individuals feel more comfortable and confident in their new roles and self-perception.

    Mindset perspectives on identity shifts

    "In any given moment we have two options: to step forward into growth or step back into safety."

    Abrahahm Maslow

    “To change who you are, change who you think you are.”

    Jonathan Lockwood Huie

    Who are you being? What would your highest self do?

    “The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do.”

    Steve Jobs

    “Change is inevitable. Growth is optional.”

    John C. Maxwell

    Other points Phi discusses:

    • Seek support
    • Practice self care and patience
    • Self reflection and awareness: having consistent practices such as journaling
    • Values work
    • An open growth mindset
    • The past, present and future integration
    • Balancing reflection and taking action

    "Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we’ll ever do"

    Brené Brown

    Click here to read more

  • 82: Kitchari Cleanse, Emotional Release

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    The aftermath of what can happen after a kitchari cleanse: emotional clearing and release. Phi touches on what emerged in terms of her emotions, shadow self and aspects of self as well as touches on themes of conscious partnerships: polarity, masculine and feminine energy, feminine testing and being all of who you truly are in a relationship.

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  • 81: Kitchari Cleanse, Feminine Emotional Expression and Sacred Rage

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    In this episode Phi shares her experience on what it was like to do a 3 day kitchari cleanse for a physical and spiritual detox. It covers what kitchari is, how it stems from the Ayurveda and the emotional journey of doing a cleanse. As a result what surprisingly came through was feminine emotional expression and in turn sacred rage.

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    1:1 coaching inner child healing

    Hello beautiful soul, 

    It’s been a wonderful week here in my world! In particular working with beautiful clients and it’s so intriguing and special to be privileged to work 1:1 with incredible souls and being able to see patterns emerge within sessions too. 

    This week thematically for clients it’s been about career shifts, looking for jobs and inner child work and healing. What’s really at the core of all of this has been empowering clients to be in their power when it comes to their career and being a kind, loving and respectful custodian and protector to their inner child. As a result of working together I’ve seen clients in their own businesses step up their boundaries and let go of what’s no longer aligned in their business, start job searches despite resistance in the form of imposter syndrome and ego, support career moves and transitions into a different industry and reconnect with their inner child in need of love, acknowledgement and support. 

    1:1 coaching dating and being single

    As I speak and reflect in real time, another theme that’s come through is relationships in coaching sessions whether it’s helping a client work through a decision to break up or not going through decision and analysis paralysis as well as riding the emotional waves that comes with contemplating a break up: fear, sadness, regret which can be so hard and challenging to go through alone. 

    I’ve also witnessed with so much pride a client in her three month coaching package, midway through powerfully choose herself and vision for love, part ways with a man who couldn’t fully commit to her and is now dating again with more conscious awareness and stronger boundaries to ensure that now she is dating again, that she won’t doesn’t get dragged in dating someone for a while with commitment. It’s so exciting to hear she’s started dating someone new, having gone from a year dating without commitment, working with his work and life schedule over hers to now opening up coaching conversations about how her values and boundaries at the forefront of her mind. Proud coach moment!

    Having talked about all these beautiful moments if you are feeling the pull, looking for more guidance and support in your life, I invite you to consider 1:1 coaching, I do have spots available more information on my website or please get in touch via Instagram to set up a free 30 minute call to chat, see if we are aligned and how I can help you.

    Full moon solstice food cleanse

    Collectively what else I’ve noticed was the impact of that powerful Capricorn full moon and solstice. I asked you guys and everyone who voted on the Instagram poll agreed, there was some funky, dense and potent energy around. 

    With full moon energy it is all about releasing and letting go and so I’ve actually been on a cleanse for the past week, two different ones and today I am going to chat about the first half of the cleanse I have been doing. Before I begin, I wanted to be clear that I am sharing my own research and lived experiences. I encourage you to please use your own discernment. I am not a medical professional and what I share here is not intended to replace professional medical or dietary advice. Please always consult with a professional healthcare practitioner. Using my own discernment doing this ayurvedic kitchari cleanse was a whole body yes yes yes and then double checked with my own research and speaking to an Ayurvedic practitioner whether it was appropriate and suitable for me.

    Why go on a physical dietary cleanse?

    So why am I going on a cleanse you may be thinking. I surprised my partner with a recent getaway and we had so much yummy, delicious, rich food and whilst I always prioritise my spiritual, emotional and mental health, I am now broadening that to ensure I make my physical health more of a priority too because I am guilty for example of foregoing exercise to coach or work on my business. So I embarked on a cleanse but not as you know it. 

    Typically when I think of a cleanse, I think of a juice one. Those close to me know that I do not do well when I am hungry. I am going to own it and say I get really hangry. BADLY. Like I feel so irritated, faint and when I do I am more likely to get fired up and frustrated over sad girl-ing. A juice cleanse from my perspective feels strong, intensive and very restrictive. Given I had no urgency physically nor a desire I opted to do a more simple, straight forward and gentle cleanse where I was still regularly eating however it’s obviously scaled down significantly what one would eat day to day. 

    Support with a physical diet and cleanse

    The cleanse I did was called a Kitchari Cleanse and that was for 3 days. Please note I also did it with the support and guidance of an Ayurvedic practitioner. Being a life coach you know how important that is to me and so whilst I could have chosen to do it unsupervised, that wasn’t my vibe given I am no expert in food and wellness plus I’ve not done a cleanse before so I wasn’t sure what may come up or happened so it felt so good for me to feel safe and supported and so  invested in support.

    What is kitchari?

    So what is Kitchari? Before I can explain what kitchari is, let me share it’s foundations for you. It stems from the Ayurveda which is a long existing, traditional medical system that originated in India many thousands of years ago. The term “Ayurveda” is derived from the Sanskrit words “Ayur” (life) and “Veda” (knowledge), meaning “knowledge of life” or “science of life.” It focuses on achieving balance and harmony within the body, mind, and spirit through natural means.

    What is Ayurveda?

    Whilst I had heard of ayurveda before, this is one of my first experiences using Ayurveda and it’s no surprise to me given as you know in March I was on a spiritual retreat in India. What Ayurveda is would and will be a whole other episode but key principles of it include the use of five key elements (ether/space, air, fire, water and earth). This then forms three primary life force energies known as doshas. Vata (space and air), Pitta (fire and water), and Kapha (water and earth). Each person has a unique combination of these doshas, which determines their physical and mental characteristics. Ayurveda takes a holistic natural approach and one key concept within it is that of balance and imbalance. 

    Kitchari is soul food and healing

    Kitchari is a well known one Ayurvedic dish often eaten for detoxifying and cleansing. It’s a simple and nourishing meal. I think of it as the equivalent to chicken soup known to be Jewish penicillin or in my culture growing up with Vietnamese and Chinese heritage, I had cháo – Vietnamese Rice porridge. Food for the soul and so good when you’re feeling sick or wanting some mum energy of love and support. 

    What is kitchari made of?

    Kitchari is made from rice and beans, there are many different variations depending what rice you use, beans, whether you include additions like vegetables. I had a kitchari with just white basmati rice, split yellow moong dal and spices such as turmeric and ginger cooked in ghee. The reason for this is at its core Kitchari is easy and gentle for your your body to digest, giving your digestive system a break. 

    White rice is preferred in a kitchari cleanse as brown rice has it’s natural outer layer still on which is fibrous however harder for your digestive system to break down (the opposite intended effect of the kitchari cleanse). Split mung beans have the skin removed so again it’s easier for your body to digest. In ayurveda they are known to be the more easy to digest legume with detoxifying properties, anti inflammatory, low GI and rich in antioxidants. 

    Whilst kitchari is only rice and beans, the combination provides all the amino acids to be a complete protein. This way unlike say a full fast or juice cleanse, your blood sugar levels remain stable and supported so that you don’t get nervous system crashes and feeling light, delirious even. It’s so gentle that in India it’s a popular food for babies to eat as well as elders. Gentle as in to eat not to fast for babies and elders!

    How does a kitchari cleanse work?

    So how does a kitchari cleanse work? It’s typically done at least 3 days, though from what I’ve researched and hear, even just having it as a one off meal is beneficial. 3 days felt like ideal, reasonable and achievable for me. It’s a mono diet meaning for 3 days I had kitchari for breakfast, lunch and dinner (again this helps your digestive system as it’s processing the same food giving it simplicity in digesting). In between I had plenty of water, herbs as well as a detox tea from my Ayurvedic practitioner.

    What I loved was that kitchari supported me in still being able to live a normal day to day as I wasn’t hangry and did have energy. With full transparency I did opt to have less work during the three days of cleansing because I am fortunate to be in a position where that is possible. I know they do Kitchari cleanses on retreats, this would be even more of a luxury because you’d have someone else cook it and be away from day to day life duties and concerns. It’s still possible to do day to day with work given you are still eating three meals a day unlike an intense fast or juice cleanse. 

    Benefits of a kitchari cleanse

    When researching a kitchari cleanse, some benefits include: 

    • Digestive Health: Giving your body a break with an easy to digest meal. The spices in kitchari such as ginger have properties that sooth your digestive track, reduce inflammation, soothe your intestines and bowels, and prevent/ease discomforts such as gas and bloating. Moreover you have better waste elimination.
    •  
    • Detoxification: Removing heaviness, toxins and congestion in the body. As a result you may have more mental clarity, energy and clearer skin.
    •  
    • Nutrition: The simplicity of kitchari is easier for your body to absorb nutrients.
    •  
    • Balance: Spiritually your doshas (life force energies), your eating habits and patterns too.
    •  
    • All in all overall health, wellbeing, increased energy and vitality. 

    Pre cleanse - Kitchari

    Do note that with doing a cleanse there is pre and post practices that are important to take into account too. It’s advised in the week or at least a few days prior to the kitchari cleanse to reduce and remove processed foods, dairy and animal products, refined sugars, alcohol, caffeine, tobacco and substances.

    It’s also best to do the cleanse when you are not on your period, extremely busy or stressed, travelling extensively or any other intense times in your life as this isn’t the ideal environment for a cleanse and could cause more harm than good.

    I started on a Saturday so I had a quiet weekend plus the Monday following off client calls but still doing voxer (messages in between clients) and business admin.

    Day One, First Day - Kitchari Cleanse

    The kitchari cleanse isn’t just the food itself, it comes with a daily ritual as well. I loved gaining insight into different aspects from the kitchari cleanse which I have continued to implement on a daily basis in my life too. 

    For example the cleanse encourages a morning routine and structure which includes tongue scraping (which I love since a young girl my dad got me into this) and drinking warm water to start the day. The tongue scraping which I already did pre cleanse rids you of built up accumulated bacteria and the warm water I feel has made a huge difference to starting up my digestive system for the day. So simple yet so effective. 

    It’s also advised to eat around the same time everyday and stick to three meals only (no snacking in between). I’m a flow person so I do find it hard to eat exactly the same time everyday and at the end of the cleanse still felt tremendous benefits. I also realised I didn’t need to snack in between meals because I wasn’t actually hungry.

    Kitchari cleanse being hungry and angry

    At night when I went to bed, I did start to feel pangs of hunger. Now that I’ve finished the cleanse, I think this is because I had been eating huge portions and so it was more mental because I did end up falling asleep quite quickly after whereas in the past when I felt pangs of hunger, I could not sleep until I got up out of bed and had a small snack (yup guilty of eating cheese and crackers, risking it with the weird dreams they say you can have before bed).

    What I also distinctly remembered was the feeling of anger arising in my body, sitting heavily in my jaw. There was nothing in my life particularly that angered me but it was interesting to note.

    Can you see and feel the benefits of a kitchari cleanse quickly? Day two

    I started to feel and see the differences in my body already. Even my partner did, we both agreed I wasn’t bloated and my belly was soft. If you’re like me and love food you know when you eat a lot or perhaps something your body does not agree with, when I get that way, my belly balloons and triples in size feeling really tough and hard to touch. 

    My partner and I were out and about so I ended up having five hours between breakfast and lunch. I was definitely hungry but given the circumstances and usually how I feel when I am hungry both my partner and I were surprised I wasn’t typically exhibiting my hanger symptoms e.g. moody, grumpy and short. Usually I wouldn’t even last five hours without food, I’d experience severe emotional swings and physical hunger pains. What’s interesting was that my partner said he couldn’t tell and I seemed really calm, grounded and centered. 

    I should also note you are meant to make kitchari fresh every meal or at least the batch for the day at the beginning of the day. I didn’t have a thermos at the time, I wish I did and I now do, because then I could’ve eaten whilst we were out. Having a quiet weekend helped because I would not like to do a cleanse and go out with people having a meal or anything like that, because  you would need strong discipline and the scent and sight of food would be so tempting! 

    Discernment and kitchari cleanse

    The biggest takeout from the second day was really starting to discern and differentiate when I was actually hungry vs thinking I was hungry for example thinking it’s lunch time so I should eat even if I’m not hungry. Further to that portion sizes – made me realise my portions have been huge and I’ve been over eating again not because I was actually hungry because probably likely greedy because food is so yum but not great when I eat so much I feel sick and bloated or perhaps stress eating (I know I’m stress eating when I really crave salt). 

    Moreover you start to really discern and taste each ingredient within the kitchari with appreciation whether it’s the sour of the lemon juice, the earthiness fo the coriander and slight battery pepper notes of mustard seeds. 

    Day three, third day kitchari cleanse

    Last day of the cleanse and I was feeling really good! In fact I wasn’t even hungry in the morning so ended up having two meals and effectively half my kitchari portion for the day. I didn’t feel starved or restricted, I felt content and calm.

    This headspace allowed me to start reflecting on the anger that had come up and I had been feeling.

    Being fiery

    I started connecting the dots on a sequence of comments around anger. In Vietnam, I went to see a fortune teller who said “you have a powerful fiery side” reaffirmed by my maternal family saying it runs in the family, the women are strong, fierce and “fiery.” I was quite shocked because I don’t perceive myself to be. More recently my partner in passing said I had a fiery side to me (in a really loving way by the way not one bit of contempt, judgement anything like that). Again I was taken aback and confused especially since my past partner had said I was the calmest and most peaceful person he’d ever met.

    Fiery and angry in relationships

    Talking to my regular coach and mentor about this I told her and she questioned why being fiery was a bad thing. Ding ding ding. Why was it? I associated fiery as anger which meant bad and negative. Despite writing in my book in chapter 23, After The Love Story: Pleasure, Power & Liberation, the anger I felt after my break up was so powerful and a huge catalyst for me moving on and forward in my life. 

    I wrote, “In reality, the person I resented the most was myself. I was angry. I had diluted who I was so I could be palatable for his ego. I was angry I had shrunk myself so that he didn’t feel threatened or jealous by my happiness and success. I was angry I had dimmed my light so that he felt comfortable. I was angry I tried to break up with him six months earlier and he didn’t end up going through with it because I didn’t want to hurt him. I was angry I bent my boundaries and allowed him to live with me after the breakup where he took out his pain on me and it became toxic.”

    No wonder my ex partner said I was the most calm and peaceful person he knew, I never expressed how I truly felt at times with him even when I was angry. For the most part I kept it to myself, brushed it off or just gave up I think you know when it’s deja vu, over and over again and you yeah just become despondent or accept this is just how it is… but in my new partnership I am more expressive, I have firm boundaries and strong values and he knows that hence the fiery side!

    Feminine fire is powerful

    My fiery side is fierce and she enabled me to build and grow my business, to write and publish my book The Great Unlearning and to protect myself whether it’s having strong boundaries in partnership, dating and business.

    There was that societal conditioning that part of me, the shadow, the ego that unconsciously played into the ‘quiet woman, subservient, meek, feminine Asian woman stereotype.’ Light bulb moment achieved. I am still unlearning the conditioning around anger for females. 

    Sacred rage feminine expression feminine energy

    Sacred rage is powerful. Continuing on Ch 23 in my book The Great Unlearning I write, “the anger was powerful because I had to face the blind spots in my growth. I had to own up to my own shortcoming and take responsibility for the role I had played. I had felt trapped in that relationship… I had caused a lot of my own suffering for not speaking up… why did I not speak up? I wanted to be the “good girl” liked by others.” 

    Maybe you can relate, repressing and caging your anger – growing up we learn that anger is not a good thing. We are not encouraged to feel any anger and as a result as women we lose our connection to anger. That sacred fire that burns brightly and boldly within us. Anger is medicine and wisdom, it’s telling us something is not right, something is wrong, pay attention.

    What is sacred rage?

    This feminine sacred rage is often in response to injustices, oppression, or personal trauma. What makes it sacred vs say normal rage is the fact that it is rooted in a deep sense of self-awareness, authenticity, and a desire for transformation and healing. It’s not projected at someone else or something. It’s not destructive but a force of empowerment, honesty and breaking free from repressed feminine expression. 

    Sacred rage and goddess Kali

    One particular goddess and archetype to work with when it comes to feminine energy, expression and sacred rage is Kali. I’ve talked about Kali previously on the podcast before as an introduction to her and how to work with her energies, refer to episode 40 aptly titled Goddess Kali. 

    You’ll know her as the goddess who often appears with many arms, in blue form and having had chopped off heads, sticking her tongue out. She is a force to be reckoned with taking on evil and destruction fearlessly. Her rage is powerful, it protects, she is a force of justice and a remover of obstacles in your life.

    That was a tidbit of the depths we can go on feminine expression and sacred rage yet I think a really important part of this episode and something that’s resurfaced within my own life for my unlearning and personal growth and expansion, brought up by my body and the kitchari cleanse for which I am grateful.

    Post kitchari cleanse

    Post cleanse day four was the interesting day. I actually continued to eat kitchari but introduced vegetables in! When I got to have vegetables my palate was so excited, I got to really mindfully consciously experience the taste of spinach, the tastes of carrot and really appreciate it. I’ll continue to eat kitchari here and then integrated into my daily meals because it’s really simple and easy to make, everything in one pot, you can do other things whilst it cooks, I meditated or did yoga plus it’s really cost effective too. 

    So what other observations did I have after finishing my kitchari cleanse? I noticed I was not craving as much seasoning as usual, I didn’t need the pops of salt and pepper, I was satiated the amount in the food and I didn’t need any additional. 

    Kitchari cleanse and feeling all the emotions

    Wrapping it up before I go even more personal, I would definitely do a kitchari cleanse again when I feel like a reset for my body because that’s what it felt like! It was gentle on my body and I felt super effective and not excruciatingly tough, a good amount of stretch mentally and physically. 

    So all in all everything was going really well and overall smooth, then that’s when it started to turn 

    and maybe that’s because I was starting to reintroduce more elements into my day to day meals.

    I intuitively believe I was still processing and cleansing because this is when I personally experienced BIG feels. 

    Details and more on what that was like in next week’s episode following this and it involves me being vulnerable sharing intimate details to my emotional journey as well as feminine and masculine energies and conscious relationships and partnerships. Until next week beautiful soul, love and positivity. 

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  • The Great Unlearning: 1st Anniversary

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    Join me on this special anniversary episode celebrating the first birthday of The Great Unlearning! I share the journey from inception to impact of my first debut book. This episode weaves in human design as to how I approached writing the book as well as updates from key experiences of my life I shared in the book too! Expect stories, musings and reflections.

     

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    The journey of The Great Unlearning

    Hello beautiful soul,

    I can’t believe I am saying this and it still feels surreal, Happy 1st birthday to my debut first book – The Great Unlearning: Awakening to Living an Aligned and authentic life. It was one year ago today on June 23rd 2023 that she was released and I’m honestly still taking a moment to reflect on the year that’s gone by and this is where this episode is coming in! Celebrations, reflections and musing in honour of TGU’s 1st birthday. 

    I still remember when the book was a seedling of an idea around the time I launched in her vitality which was previously my Instagram handle when I first started a mental health passion project which was that page and it’s now evolved to well me @thephidang and being a life coach. 

    I’ve just had a look on Instagram and I started my page on August 3rd 2019, which then became my own personal brand which was around 200 weeks ago so around the end of August/beginning September 2020! I remember I was so scared going from anonymous, to showing my face and then fully making the account ‘me.’ Shortly after that I began life coaching on demand, as a side hustle to my corporate career and in September 2021 I resigned to go all in and full time as a life coach. At the beginning of 2022 was when I signed my book deal, started writing The Great Unlearning and the publication date June 23 2023. Wow! What a journey it’s been. 

    A lifelong childhood dream fulfilled

    It still remains and will remain as one of the best moments of my life to have fulfilled a life long dream to not only write a book but publish one, I still get so giddy seeing the book in a bookstore or having someone share their thoughts and experience in reading the book! Which I will cheekily say, it would mean the world to me to have your support, if you have read it to please leave a book review somewhere or talk about it with a friend, it helps me spread the word and get it read by more people on my mission to help everyone unlearn everything that holds you back.

    Diving into this episode I thought I would take you behind the scenes of what it’s like to get an idea for a book. to write it and have it published too. From having the idea to write a book, looking back in hindsight through the lens of human design: from a young age I’ve always loved literature, my Dad was an English teacher in Vietnam and I remember him reading me books before I would sleep every night. I have this clear memory of starting school, being in kindergarten and our teacher asked us to draw pictures of what we did over the weekend. I remember drawing a soccer ball and house, writing ‘house’ and ‘ball’ underneath. The memory is so vivid because my teacher was shocked asking how did I already know how to write and I proudly said my dad taught me at home! I have really lovely memories of him reading to me but also helping me write and draw shapes.

    Being seen as a hermit, 2, in human design

    Fast forward at school English was one of my best subjects alongside business and economics which again make sense because I genuinely loved all three (well maybe definitely english and business over economics which became too math-y for my liking and enjoyment at a University level). Being a hermit (2 profile line) one of the characteristics is natural talents and I recall many people saying I was great at English and writing, it would go on to be the core of what I share with the world too on Instagram (which wasn’t always this way, I posted more heavy informational based ones or quotes by other people) until a client was like Phi, you have such a way with words when you talk, I can only imagine if you wrote them down too like I do in my sessions, I think you need to do this on your Instagram. The first time I blew up my Instagram was when I did my own writing on men’s mental health and it rapidly grew ever since stemming from my writing (which also helped me secure my book deal because I could actually write (and not have a ghostwriter which some people do, some will disclose and others don’t!). 

    Diving into this episode I thought I would take you behind the scenes of what it’s like to get an idea for a book. to write it and have it published too. From having the idea to write a book, looking back in hindsight through the lens of human design: from a young age I’ve always loved literature, my Dad was an English teacher in Vietnam and I remember him reading me books before I would sleep every night. I have this clear memory of starting school, being in kindergarten and our teacher asked us to draw pictures of what we did over the weekend. I remember drawing a soccer ball and house, writing ‘house’ and ‘ball’ underneath. The memory is so vivid because my teacher was shocked asking how did I already know how to write and I proudly said my dad taught me at home! I have really lovely memories of him reading to me but also helping me write and draw shapes.

    Manifesting generator and how the idea forThe Great Unlearning came about

    This is where the magic of human design comes in before I even consciously realised as a manifesting generator our strategy is to ‘respond’ to the world. Whilst as a young girl I loved the idea of writing a book because I loved books, I didn’t actually know what I would write about… 

    what would unfurl a lot later on in my life from my mid twenties was a series and string of things to respond to.

    The first one being around 2019, 2020 in the lead up to the pandemic and during, I was starting to read more personal growth and development books, which I had done on and off over the years (again very manifesting generator to be obsessed with something for a moment, then your obsession goes to something else, and then back again!) as I deepened my own personal spirituality. I remember distinctly thinking you know what I would love to write a book someday and maybe it will be in this genre of personal growth since I love it so much. The next signal would come a year later after coaching clients for a while, the idea for the book downloaded through me in the form of an ‘aha’ moment – reflecting on coaching clients women, men, all over the world of different ages I saw a clear theme emerge in what I was talking about: unlearning! 

    What is unlearning?

    Putting that together with how I felt too because when you read a lot these books they are so inspiring but you also have this tinge of there’s so much to learn and you’ll unconsciously start seeding maybe there’s something wrong with me, maybe I don’t know enough… in our journey towards self-improvement, we tend to focus on acquiring new knowledge, skills, and habits. 

    However, unlearning—the process of letting go of outdated beliefs, behaviours, and mindsets— which stem from our own life experiences but also programming and conditioning, thing outside of our control, things externally as we journey through life: passed down, absorbed from our parents, caretakers, friends, family, society, culture, gender was pinging in my mind! Our lives are filled with conditioning through ingrained patterns  that hinder our progress and keep us stuck in the language of “I should be…” “I need to…” “I must…” “I have to….” because… 

    What emerged for me was the hidden but always there gem and gold, the new paradigm of unlearning! Consciously choosing to unlearn, we create space for new, empowering perspectives and practices that align with our authentic selves and soul driven aspirations. From there I started to map out my own experiences and see how in my journey I have had to unlearn so much! It really does require self-awareness, courage, and a willingness to embrace change. It involves questioning the status quo, challenging long-held assumptions, and being open to new ways of thinking and being. It involves being so kind, patient and compassionate with your self as we are experiencing life as humans, we aren’t perfect nor are we meant to be.

    Human Design, masculine and feminine, writing a book

    I hadn’t come across unlearning in any books I had read and so I wanted to see if it was a strong concept and found my book mentor and coach, who had written several books and is also within the personal growth industry, she agreed so much whilst this was happening my corporate job and life was taking up all of the time, so when she reached out some time later saying Phi, you really need to take this concept and write a book (something else to respond to!). In finding my mentor I just had a feeling and intuitive nudge because I loved reading her book (thank you another to respond signal and intuition!). Really was something I was meant to do and meant for because the universe found a way to get me back on track through my book coach! 

    What I know of myself aligns with my human design because I am right brained (hence why I didn’t love maths in high school nor in university switching economics to marketing which I thrived along and was my gut instinct before I picked economics because looking back I thought it would be more impressive and earn more money than marketing to complement my law degree). So in terms of figuring out the book, I loved mind mapping, starting with concepts branching out, taking breaks from it to look over flesh out more with a fresh perspective. That’s my strength, ideation, and through the experience of my book coach she helped me come up with a structure for the book which felt flowy and helped me to develop the book chapters and sections.

    Honesty and transparency writing a book the involves your life

    In explaining unlearning, the best way I knew would be to draw upon my own life experiences so it was a process of reflecting, brain dumping, mind mapping. Now in drawing upon your own life experiences it is important to consider what to use and particularly if involved other people for example my family. It was important for me to let them know, know how they felt about it and ultimately their blessing as this was in alignment with my values of integrity (do what I would want someone else to do if I were in their shoes) and honouring myself (being able to have open and honest conversations). Another particular person important in this was my partner at the time and we ended up breaking up during the writing process. I ultimately got his blessing and I am grateful for that because it’s an odd and uncommon position to be in where your ex partner happens to be a life coach with an online presence and is writing a book during the time of your break up… 

    With full transparency I was meant to hand in the first full draft of the book around the time of our break up but I couldn’t given my heart was aching in my own personal journey and I knew in a book that deeply weaves my life, it would have a place in the book. I’m happy to say he and I are on good terms too, still to this day.

    Wanting a fairytale ending in real life

    The break up was hard with so many changes having gone full time in my own business, running it, having to move homes and well deal with a break up of a three year relationship. With my human design I am very much designed to be in flow and not necessarily routine so when I did get back to writing, I couldn’t face myself to write everyday personally, what worked best for me was when I got downloads in the moment writing them down as much as I could and then when lightning hit going with it again. I acknowledge I am super fortunate I run my own business so I could really structure out my week to support this feminine creative writing flow. 

    Talking about break ups, if you’ve read The Great Unlearning you know I write about wanting a partner. I kept thinking oh I’m going to get the perfect fairytale ending by the time I publish and launch the book, my new partner would be by my side. He wasn’t and on a human level yes I was a little disappointed because it would have been ‘the’ ending you know publishing a book, living in my dream home, in my dream job, with dream friends and family and a dream partner but I was so ecstatic and truly the happiest I had been in a long time, made peace with being single that it wasn’t a detriment but I felt important to acknowledge even at my book launch. The universe works in funny and mysterious ways and I swear I had a soul contract that I was not to get in a relationship until I had finished the book (a part of my soul’s mission in helping people in this lifetime) because I met my now partner almost a week after the book launch! We are still together to this day.

    Being in a relationship and unlearning

    How we met felt truly serendipitous, one of those stories where we really did meet at the perfect time. Any earlier, we wouldn’t have been together. When we spoke about our lives leading up to our meeting, we had been in each other’s orbits several years prior to even meeting whether it be living in the same suburb, at the same time and never meeting (for example even if we did I had a partner!). The way in which we met was again a series of things to respond to and so despite my huge resistance, thanks to two great girl friends, we met in one of those rare, unheard of stories. 

    In speaking to a client who’s in her season of life where she’s gone through a breakup similar timing to when I did and is still single, don’t get me wrong being in a relationship is so wonderful but that did not prevent challenges in my life still arising nor now, I’m sure anyone in a relationship will tell you that  ! Life isn’t picture perfect, bow tied up, it begins a whole other new journey in other ways as does any close relationship in life.

    Overcoming perfectionism in writing a book

    Relationships are a commitment, writing a book is also one commitment, as is like a marathon. It requires preparation, endurance, and perseverance. Just as a marathon runner must train their body and mind over long distances, as an author you must make space, dedicate time and put in effort to develop your ideas and write, write, write! I’ve grown so much on a personal level to really overcome perfectionism in any form. In the process of writing you’ll go through so many drafts, then rewrite, then be like wait what about this word or should this punctation be this or that? You come to embrace that the first draft is never it, it’s a process of refinement. Even as I’m talking about this I’m having that feeling like ooooh I would absolutely love to coach and mentor someone interested in writing a book too. Stating that, putting it out into the universe! As well as the fact I am currently open and available to taking on more 1:1 clients and human design readings so this is your green light and signal if you’ve been thinking of one! More information on my website or Dm me on my Instagram.

    Life a year after writing a book

    With undertaking something big as a marathon, as with a book it really does help you grow even more as a person. I’ve gained so much insight into myself and personal development which I think has gone hand in hand after the book having the biggest month in my business ever, having more impact and influence working with more clients around the world and now being at this point in my journey coming up to three years full time and almost four thereabouts since I started my Instagram and then life coaching, about to embark on running my first retreat in Bali 2024 in August which was almost sold out in 48 hours with the final spot going shortly afterwards. I am so excited and having been working away in the background preparing for the magic that it is going to be and already is. There also some other incredibly exciting things that I can’t quite speak about just yet but each year keeps getting bigger and better in business and that is going to continue to the end of this year in 2024 and in 2025, new offerings that I haven’t ever done before. Is another book on the horizon? I haven’t got any current plans yet but I know more than another one is within me! Watch this space.

    Family lineage, Vietnam and The Great Unlearning

    A hint on the above and what’s to come is in the book I wrote “I’ve travelled the world multiple times, but I still have not been to Vietnam. I will one day and I am sure it will bring up a mixture of emotions.” That it did! A few months after the book I went to Vietnam for the first time before going to Bali and I loved it. It was so special and healing to meet members of my family I hadn’t before or even knew about. I gained so much insight into my maternal side of the family and truly felt the presence of my grandparents whom I never met but they were definitely pleased I went and there with me (I actually had flickering lights at night as a friendly hello!). It would have to be another episode but I went to see their resting places, immerse myself in the temples thy frequented, where my mum grew up and so much more. Honestly that back half of 2023 was an absolute dream, a time I will truly cherish for the rest of my life all kickstarting with The Great Unlearning and coming into the world. 

    The Great Unlearning reviews

    To this present day, with The Great Unlearning’s first birthday I want to put her in the spotlight and thought I would share some reviews about her!

    The Great Unlearning is written by the talented author, Phi Dang who is an incredible woman who will get you results with her outstanding book. As I read Dang’s book, I was engrossed and wanted to know more, whenever a question would pop up in my mind while reading this book Dang eventually answered it, and so it truly is a beautiful reading experience!

    One of the greatest strengths of this book is Phi’s ability to connect with readers on a deep level. She writes with genuine passion and authenticity, making the content relatable and engaging. She shares her personal experiences and challenges, demonstrating that she has walked the same path she is guiding us on. 

    Dang offers some thought-provoking insights into the nature of life and what it truly means to be successful on your terms. This is an inspirational book everyone needs to read.

    The Great Unlearning Part 1: Success

    Based on conversations, feedback and reviews I’ve had, some pivotal chapters people really resonated with was timelines and money, money, money in the first part of The Great Unlearning on success. I think at it’s core having people really take a moment to check in with themselves, what does success truly mean to you? People jump to answers like money, fame and all of that but is it really what your soul wants and desires? It may be, it may be not, the core question being what does your soul truly want and desire, what’s the energy, intention and reasoning behind it, is it you or is the influenced learnings?

    The Great Unlearning Part 2: Self

    Part 2 on the self has been relatable for many whether it’s your own journey in self love and self worth based on your identity or body. Talking about pleasure has people going and I think is important to highlight too especially for women as it’s become less of an importance when pleasure is. It challenges societal norms that have historically repressed female sensuality and speaks to women feeling empowered in their own body and experiences. To hear the chapter on self-made which speaks to my journey of becoming a life coach inspiring others makes my heart so warm and I really do encourage you to go for it because you never really do know nor do you want to regret. I hope I can show you what is possible in life when you do follow your heart and soul, whilst being true and authentic to who you are.

    The Great Unlearning Part 3: Inner Being

    Part 3 inner being, the chapter ‘happiness is everything’ formed the foundation of a talk I was invited to give on toxic vs genuine positivity. Grief and heartbreak is a chapter dear to my heart too. Our inner being forms the foundation of how we feel and experience life itself from our thoughts and feelings, the importance of talking about mental health too (knowing you are not alone, we all have a mental health and the journey navigating it too). I think how it’s also imperative to speak about the unspoken things and bring out this aspect of self, psyche, the shadow (again very much in line with one of my main human design energies known as the game player in relation to taking rises and the leaps of faith).

    The Great Unlearning Part 4: Relationships

    Part 4 relationships, the feedback I’ve received is how relatable the chapters are to dating, being in a relationship and breaking up. Hearing how many women could relate to really loving someone but knowing in their soul that they are no longer growing together and even still the heartbreak, sadness and mourning that accompanies that as I shared of my own experience in the chapter ‘Love Story.’ Also being open as to my family history and journey as an Australian Asian woman. So many have related to that without having the same background which shows how many universal experiences where we think it’s only us or we are alone, the truth is many of us do share core experiences such as no family is perfect yet the societal pressure to appear to be and in alignment with everyone else and their expectations. 

    The Great Unlearning Part 5: Spirituality

    Part 5, on spirituality has inspired so many conversations of more women coming out of the ‘spiritual closet’ as I did and embracing, owning their spirituality. Especially those like myself who grew up religious and embracing more of a personal philosophy, of oneness in relation to source and the universe as well as ‘Gotta see it to believe it’ on the signs the Universe orchestrates and gives us alongside our loved ones that have passed away, the comfort that they truly are always with us.

    Becoming an author, does it change your life?

    So how does your life change writing a book, having a published booked and being an author? It’s so soul fulfilling because making a difference in someone’s life alongside coaching and human design is such a huge privilege. Knowing you inspired someone to think differently or to go after their dreams! The feedback from the book I’ve received is in alignment with human design: reassuring and validating that someone knows they aren’t the only one who feels a certain way about something. It’s a permission slip to truly be yourself. Even being triggered by the book to really stop, pause, reflect and question your life is an honour. I’ve had people share that it made them realise to truly do what they want in life or start carving a path in honour to do so. 

    On a personal level it really embodies one of my key main life energies in human design: struggle. Stories of my struggle have turned into strengths, grief into gold, not only for me anymore but for anyone reading The Great Unlearning. It’s truly the book I wish I had earlier in my life! 

    Pride, achievement and alignment

    I’ve met special souls through my book whether it be them taking a moment to message me about the book on Instagram, to having readers become clients off the back of being inspired and feeling the intuitive nudge to do so. You also have really great conversations with people when sharing the concept for the book because people are always so intrigued, The Great Unlearning, can you dive deeper into that? Ultimately it’s also a sense of pride and great achievement not only for me but I know my lineage, ancestry and family lines especially my mum. I think there’s that traditional stereotype being a woman to be quiet, being asian to keep things to yourself and then there’s me unlearning that and having a strong, bold, fierce voice out in the world to share my thoughts and stories with the world because that very process, journey and opportunity to is groundbreaking and shattering the condition learnings I speak about throughout the book! 

    In moments where I do feel vulnerable because I share my own personal experiences I always bring myself back to what I previously shared, the intention behind the book because The Great Unlearning isn’t about me. It’s about you. Your Great Unlearning.

    That feels like a beautiful and aligned ending for this episode. Thank you so much for listening and supporting me, with even more love and gratitude if you’ve read the book, purchased a copy or shared with somebody or written a review it truly means the world to me and makes a huge difference, so thank you. I swear as I’ve finished this episode its 23 minutes (in alignment with the book’s launch date! Full circle!). Until next time, love and positivity.

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  • 79: Uranus Opposition Human Design

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    All about experiencing your Uranus Opposition from a human design lens. Your Uranus Opposition is from your late 30’s into your 40’s. This episode explains what your Uranus Opposition means for you including a breakdown of Uranus Opposition themes, archetypes and explanations. It will provide a guide on what to expect from your Uranus Opposition and how to harness this astrological energetic transit for your personal growth and development.

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    Uranus Opposition Context

    Hello beautiful soul,

    We all know about Saturn Return, one of if not the universal pivotal transit that everyone goes through between the ages of 27-31. I have previously done a dedicated podcast episode (34) and today this episode is all about your Uranus Opposition which isn’t as mainstream as knowing about your Saturn Return has become. To simplify Saturn Return late 20’s to 30s, your Uranus Opposition is late 30’s to 40. After that comes your Chiron Return your late 40’s to entering your 50’s. They are the big 3 transits that everyone will experience in their life at the same time.

    Comparing your Saturn Return to your Uranus Opposition

    As with all energetic transits and changes in your life, human design can help you uncover and understand your Uranus Opposition. Your Saturn return is your coming of age, the spiritual equivalent of turning 21, it has the energy of taking a leap of faith. It is a period of your life where you mature, taking on responsibilities, being disciplined in alignment with them and making significant life decisions that shape your future. It’s about committing to a path and building a solid foundation as more of a conscious being. 

    In contrast, your Uranus Opposition can be likened to your spiritual equivalent of a ‘mid life crisis.’ It often happens around your 40’s and from my experience I’ve seen people as early as from their mid 30’s beginning to feel the energies of their Uranus Opposition transit. It’s when you really start to feel into what is the meaning and purpose of your life. If you’ve had a deeper human design reading with me, this is where it really shifts from where you came from to where you are going, your destiny.

    What is your Uranus Opposition Human Design

    Your Uranus Opposition transit is about breaking free from established patterns and embracing change and innovation. It’s less about building and more about exploring and transforming. It can symbolise a period of significant upheaval and transformation, marked by a journey and quest for authenticity and freedom. It challenges you to break away from the familiar and embrace new and unconventional paths, often leading to profound personal growth and a redefined sense of self.

    Hence, your Uranus Opposition can be a shocking time in your life, Uranus itself is a planet known for change – extremes, breakdowns, breakthroughs. It’s known as the ‘awakener’ for bringing sudden shocks and changes. In fact Uranus’ energy is very electric in nature. It brings a jolt when you’re in this stage of life where you don’t feel very old but you’re not young either, you’re in between. It can feel awkward and clunky. You had all these hopes, dreams and desires in your 20’s, how has that eventuated?

    Astrologically speaking when Uranus is in opposition, it’s in the exact opposite placement of where it was when you were born. It marks a turning point in your life supposedly ‘the half way point.’ It can be confronting. It can be challenging. It can be chaotic.

    From my own experience of coaching clients during a Uranus Opposition and through Uranus Opposition Human Design Readings, it can be challenging yet highly liberating. What I often witness and guide clients through is this deep pull, nudge and niggle to change careers and navigate changing dynamics within relationships. 

    Uranus Opposition Key Theme: Sudden Change​

    Let’s dive deeper into the key themes of your Uranus Opposition:

    During your Uranus opposition, many people experience significant upheavals that shake the foundations of their lives. These foundations set from your Saturn Return in your 30’s. These changes can manifest in various areas, such as career, relationships, personal identity, or lifestyle. For instance, someone might find themselves unexpectedly losing a long-held job, not due to their performance, but because of organisational restructuring or downsizing. This forced change can be both a source of stress and an opportunity for reevaluation. 

    Similarly, relationships that have been stable for years might face sudden crises, prompting a reexamination of your compatibility and shared goals. These shifts can be incredibly disorienting, especially when they come out of nowhere and disrupt the sense of stability and security that has been built over years. Maybe you have been with someone your whole life and suddenly feel so different and you are growing apart. Maybe your kids have grown up and your relationship with your partner is changing, you realise that maybe what’s been keeping you together is your kids.

    Moreover, sudden changes during this period often push people to question their personal identities. When the role you have comfortably inhabited—such as being a partner to someone, parent, or professional—are disrupted, you can become compelled to confront the essence of who you are beyond these labels. This can lead to an identity crisis, as you feel the need to redefine who you are outside of these traditional roles and labels. Lifestyle changes, such as moving to a new city, starting a new career, or adopting a radically different way of living, are also common. These changes, while initially unsettling, often pave the way for personal growth and a deeper understanding of one’s true desires and aspirations.

    Uranus Opposition Key Theme: Rebellion

    A hallmark of your Uranus opposition is a powerful urge to rebel against constraints and societal expectations. This is a time when you feel a pressing need to assert your independence and authentic identity. You may realise that your life has been overly influenced by external factors such as work, familial obligations, or societal norms, leading to a sense of entrapment. 

    These norms from a career standpoint: having an established career, advancing, perhaps holding leadership positions and a sense of stability. 

    From a family standpoint: if not being married already, a deeper pressure to do so, perhaps being a parent of children whom may be school aged and home ownership. I’ve also had clients at this point realise they don’t want to have children and so they are finding confidence in their decision with family and societal pressures especially on women to be mothers. The clients I’ve had who decided children weren’t for them often made a lot of sense in the context of their life having spent it taking care of others such as family members and karmically this lifetime is for them because maybe in previous lives they have been self sacrificing, even withstandingly it’s not selfish to not want children. It’s a personal decision. 

    Familial obligation can come into play maybe you have sick or unwell parents that need taking care of and support which can feel heavy and burdensome. Culturally speaking because well it’s your parents and it’s a lot to take on the role of a caretaker.

    With regards to lifestyle, the expectation and pressure of being financial responsible: saving from retirement, managing investments and expenses like your child’s education. A greater focus on health as you head into your 40’s. In terms of personal development, it’s common to see greater self reflection, a desire to deepen your existing skillset and mastery as well as a call to service: helping people and the community around.

    External and internal rebellion during your Uranus Opposition

    As a result,  during your Uranus Opposition you might take dramatic steps to break free from these constraints. For instance, if you have long been identified with your high-powered career, you may decide to quit and pursue a more fulfilling but less conventional path, such as starting your own business or engaging in creative pursuits.

    This rebellion is not just about external changes but also about internal liberation. You often begin to question the values and beliefs that have governed your life thus far. You might reject long-held traditions and norms in favour of developing your own unique perspectives and ways of living. This period of rebellion can be turbulent, as it often involves challenging relationships and situations that no longer align with your evolving sense of self and values. However, it is also a crucial phase of personal development, as it allows you to unlearn and strip away inauthentic layers and embrace a life that truly resonates with your inner being, your heart, your soul.

    Uranus Opposition Key Theme: Self Discovery​

    Your Uranus opposition is a profound period of self-discovery, prompting deep introspection and a reevaluation of your life direction and values. As you navigate through the upheavals and rebellions characteristic of this transit, you are often driven to look inward and reflect on your past choices and future aspirations. This introspection can reveal hidden desires, talents, and passions that you had suppressed or ignored in favour of more conventional or socially acceptable paths. It is not uncommon for you to start exploring new hobbies, interests, or spiritual practices that you feel drawn to during this time.

    This process of self-discovery is both challenging and enlightening. As you unlearn and peel back the layers of societal conditioning and external expectations, you often encounter aspects of yourself that you had not previously recognised or acknowledged. It can be so interesting doing human design readings particularly where people may by shocked or confused by an aspect of their design. What I often see is going deeper, people realise it is them, the core of whom they are but they don’t resonate initially because it has been repressed or pushed down by whom they think they should be and ought to be. Moreover if you don’t find and work towards spiritual fulfilment and filling up the cup of your soul you may find your life feeling empty and devoid. Your life may look good on a surface level say for example top of your career with lots of money but inside, you feel for what, miserable, that something is missing… soul fulfilment. 

    Your Uranus Opposition can be a time of healing, as you come to terms with past traumas or unresolved issues that have influenced your behavior and decisions. The insights gained during this period of introspection can lead to a more authentic and fulfilling life path, as you align your actions and choices with your true self rather than with external pressures.

    Uranus Opposition Key Theme: Innovation

    Uranus opposition brings with it a surge in creativity and the pursuit of new and unconventional paths. This is a time when you feel inspired to think outside the box and explore innovative solutions to the challenges you face. You may discover new talents or rekindle old passions that you had set aside in the pursuit of more practical or traditional goals. This creative energy can manifest in various forms, such as starting a new business, engaging in artistic endeavours, or an interest in new technologies. Your willingness to embrace change and think differently often leads to breakthroughs that were previously unimaginable.

    With innovation is often a desire to make a meaningful impact on the world. You are often driven by a sense of purpose and a desire to contribute something unique and valuable to society. This can lead to the development of new ideas and projects that challenge the status quo and offer fresh perspectives on longstanding issues. Whether it’s through social activism, entrepreneurial ventures, or artistic expression, you are motivated to push boundaries and create positive change. This period of heightened creativity and innovation can be incredibly rewarding, as it allows you to fully express your true self and leave a lasting legacy.

    Uranus Opposition Archetype: Rebel

    Breaking away from the old and embracing the new. Challenging the status quo and seeking freedom. Think of the character of an adventurer: setting off on a journey, both literal and metaphorical, to discover new aspects of themselves and the world.

    Uranus Opposition Archetype:​ Innovator

    Embracing creativity and originality. Pioneering new ideas and ways of living as a visionary. Being a risk taker and change agent: leaving what’s known to do something different, a groundbreaking business idea or pursue a passion project.

    Uranus Opposition Archetype:​ Creative

    A quest for deeper meaning and understanding of life beyond the superficial and surface level. Spiritual and personal growth becomes a priority. You might find yourself questioning the purpose of your existence, exploring various philosophies, religions, or spiritual practices and tools such as human design! The Seeker is driven by a desire to connect with something greater than yourself and to find a sense of inner peace and fulfillment.

    Uranus Opposition Life Path Storyline

    If you were to look at your Uranus Opposition has a storyline in life, you may find the following plot points:

    Discontentment: The main character starts feeling restless and dissatisfied with their current life.

    Catalyst for Change: An event or realisation triggers the desire for change (e.g., a major work project fails, or a relationship ends).

    Rebellion: The protagonist takes bold steps to break free from their current situation. This might involve leaving a job, ending a relationship, or making drastic lifestyle changes.

    Exploration: They embark on a journey of self-discovery, exploring new interests, meeting new people, and experimenting with new ways of living.

    Crisis and Reflection: Challenges and crises force the main character to confront their fears and insecurities. They reflect on their past choices and future direction.

    Transformation: Through this period of upheaval, the main character gains a deeper understanding of themselves. They embrace a new path that is more aligned with their true self.

    Getting help during your Uranus Opposition

    If you are going through your Uranus Opposition or thereabouts so you would be from your mid 30’s up until 44ish or know someone who is such as a loved one, family member or friend – I invite you to consider a Uranus Opposition Human Design reading with me or getting a Uranus Opposition Human Design Blueprint done. 

    Especially if you’ve made it all the way to the end of this episode, enjoyed it, feel curious, the pull, the nudge… A reading and human design blueprint will help you make sense of your confusion and give you clarity on the changes and transformation taking place during your Uranus Opposition. 

    It will also help you understand the life themes and changes that are being brought to the forefront of your reality and how to navigate them. Moreover it provides a practical guide as to how to get into alignment with your soul and embody your life purpose and path. 

    Finally, it gives you the specific timing of your Uranus Opposition so you can prepare and plan life accordingly. Supported by 1:1 coaching, I am here to help support and guide in real time as these changes aren’t easy!

    Until next time. Love and Positivity,

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  • 78: Precision over perfection, be willing to wobble

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    Perfectionism often holds us back from reaching our full potential, paralysing us with the fear of making mistakes. But what if we shifted our focus from achieving perfection to striving for precision? What if we embraced wobble moments, and in fact leaned into the wobble? That there is so much strength embedded in imperfection.

    Resources from today's episode

    Work with Phi

    Inspired by wobbling, the wobble moments

    Hello beautiful soul, how is your heart and soul today? Earlier this week I wrote a piece on wobbling that’s on my Instagram: “It’s okay, even though it doesn’t seem or appear to be. It’s okay to wobble, to fall, to stumble, to trip. It happens when you’re doing your best outside your comfort zone. It happens when you are pushing beyond the edges of your fears to expand. This is the space, the void, where growth truly occurs, where you discover strengths you never knew you had. It’s in these moments of uncertainty, instability and challenge that you build resilience and character. Every step taken beyond your familiar is a stride towards a more courageous, confident, and capable version of yourself. Embracing discomfort is not easy, but you’re doing it beautiful soul because you’re unlocking your full potential and that’s a beautiful, brave thing. Keep going.”

    Wobbling and life coaching

    This was inspired by my coaching clients as I have the privilege of holding space, guiding and supporting them. Seeing wobbles in different contexts and areas of life. Please note I share these examples with strict anonymity and confidentiality. Names, situations have been tweaked and changed so I can share with you examples of life coaching and the power of it.

    Emily has been feeling stuck in her job for years, dreaming of pursuing her passion for photography full-time. However, the idea of leaving the stability of her job is daunting, and she’s uncertain about whether she can make it as a professional photographer. During coaching sessions, Emily experiences moments of doubt and fear, wondering if she’s making the right decision. Through coaching and working together, Emily realises that her fear is a sign that she’s stepping outside of her comfort zone and pursuing her dreams. The fear is a wobble but her strength is aligning in her purpose, her passion. 

    Ashley, a client struggling with communication issues in his relationship, experiences a wobble when he and his partner have a disagreement. Feeling frustrated and unsure of how to move forward, that’s when Ashley decided to do life coaching with me. In our conversations we uncover underlying patterns and beliefs that contribute to his communication challenges. The wobbles manifest as unconsciously picking fights or self sabotaging based self worth. As Ashley gains insight into his own triggers and behaviours, he begins to see his wobble as an opportunity to deepen his connection with his partner. To do the work first within himself to improve the relationship and to open up his heart and be more vulnerable about past experiences that have led to these triggers and behaviours. 

    How to cope with wobbling through life coaching

    These are only just two examples! If you’re feeling the pull and resonating with what I’m sharing, I have 1:1 coaching spots open and invite you to get in touch so I can set up a free call to chat with you to see if we aligned and a fit for working together to help you be happier, soul satisfied, self fulfilled, abundant, magnetic, radiant, loving and beyond.

    Be willing to wobble

    Today’s episode is fuelled by the wobble! Wobbling is not a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of growth in motion. Think about it like this: when we’re learning to ride a bike, we don’t just jump on and magically ride perfectly from the get-go. No, we wobble, we fall, and we get back up again. Each wobble teaches us something new—how to balance, how to steer, how to keep moving forward. In life, it’s the same. Every stumble, every setback, is an opportunity to learn, adapt, and grow stronger.

    The core essence and message of this episode is to be willing to wobble. It’s in the wobble we realise our strength. There is strength in imperfection. Wobbling is truly a sign of giving something a go. It’s aligned with beginner’s mindset. Both concepts revolve around the willingness to try, to stumble, and to learn from every experience, regardless of the outcome.

    Beginners mindset and wobbling

    At the heart of a beginner’s mindset lies a sense of openness and curiosity—an eagerness to explore new possibilities without preconceived notions or judgments. Similarly, embracing wobbling requires a similar attitude of humility and willingness to embrace uncertainty. When we approach challenges with a beginner’s mindset, we acknowledge that we’re not expected to have all the answers or to perform flawlessly from the start. Instead, we’re open to the process of learning, experimenting, and growing, one wobble at a time.

    Trying is the catalyst that propels us forward on our journey of growth. It’s the willingness to take that first step, even if it means risking failure or facing discomfort. When we try, we push past our comfort zones and expand our boundaries, paving the way for new opportunities and discoveries. Every attempt, no matter how small or imperfect, contributes to our learning and development, building momentum towards our goals.

    Precision over perfectionism

    I recently came across an article by Michelle Finerty who combines her two loves of yoga and writing together. That itself I love because she is an example, an expander, of one of many people who combine their passions to find their own unique path in life. The article really spoke to me and I wanted to share two things I took out of it.

    “When we allow perfection to take center stage, we set the groundwork for suffering instead of soaring.” Perfectionism is full of judgement, it stifles instead of allowing growth and expansion.

    “Precision, not perfection is the goal.” Oooof. That shift from perfection to precision. This was in the context of yoga however I think it can apply to many things in life. It’s about the energy in which you approach something such as a goal or exercise. Perfection is static, there’s only one way to go about something, it’s stifling and restrictive with one ideal result in mind. There’s no room for anything but that, no spaciousness, no graciousness. Precision is about the process and progress. It’s about how are you going to get there, and yes, you can uphold high standards for yourself but it’s not impossible, weight crushing, soul stamping perfection. Precision is the how. Perfectionism is the outcome. Ponder upon this, “nature is precise, not perfect; otherwise there would be no evolution.”

    Precision involves a focus on accuracy, clear communication, and thoughtful action, whereas perfection often entails an unrealistic and unattainable standard. When you strive for precision, you set achievable benchmarks and prioritise progress over flawlessness. This shift in mindset can alleviate the stress and pressure associated with perfectionism, fostering a healthier, more productive approach to personal development and goal attainment.

    A practical example of precision over perfectionism

    What comes to mind from my own experience is that of learning to surf. It’s so much fun, it’s challenging and there’s many elements to consider that factor in: the waves themselves, the weather, your body, internal strength, the surfboard you choose and so fourth. When you’re first learning you’re keen and eager to stand up for the first time. If you obsess over every detail such as the exact placement of your feet to the angle of your body, you’ll be in your mind and not actually in the experience of surging.

    It’s a humbling experience and the precision mindset is that of practicality. You have to concentrate on mastering the fundamental steps first, such as properly positioning yourself on the board, understanding the timing of the waves, and maintaining a balanced crouch before standing. Every time you practice and try, you have to make small, deliberate adjustments to improve your technique gradually. As I found you celebrate first being able to stay on the board, then even kneeling, then standing up and falling and then finally standing up, staying on and riding the wave. In that very process you inevitable wobble and fall over and over again!

    Precision over perfectionism in yoga

    Imagine you’re in a yoga class, practicing the Downward Dog pose. A perfectionist might strive to have every angle and line of their body match a textbook image of the pose or replicating the instructor, obsessing over getting your heels to touch the ground and your back perfectly straight, often leading to frustration and discomfort when your body doesn’t comply. The perfectionist focus on achieving an idealised version of the pose can cause tension and detract from the benefits of the practice.

    In contrast, someone focusing on precision approaches Downward Dog with a different mindset. You pay attention to key elements that matter most for your body’s alignment and health—like ensuring your hands are spread wide, your weight is evenly distributed, and you’re lengthening their spine. You might not have their heels touching the ground or their back perfectly straight, but you’re engaging the muscles correctly and reaping the benefits of the pose. This precise approach acknowledges and respects your current physical state, promoting progress without the unrealistic expectation of perfection.

    That’s why lately I’m finding in many classes I go to, the best teachers advise you to tune into your body, to allow it to go as far as it can in that very class instead of being technically perfect and hurting your body by forcing and contorting it.

    Mental and spiritual perfectionism

    Take this to your spiritual growth, you can be so called perfect doing a morning routine consisting of a certain set of steps everyday yet not feeling better because again you just want to be perfect and get it done instead of actually being in the experience okay I am meditating now. It’s not about having no thoughts and that perfectionism. The precision in meditation is observing my thoughts with curiosity. If you just do the thing to get to the end goal instead of noticing the shifts, how you are responding, what is working, what is not working. What one person’s morning routine may work for them but even if you replicated it perfectly, it doesn’t mean it will work for you. Everyone’s needs are different. Everyone feels uniquely within themselves. 

    The beauty of precision

    Precision encourages a mindset of continuous improvement. Instead of being paralysed by the fear of making mistakes, you can embrace a growth-oriented perspective. Fumbles, falls, stumbling, wobbles, mistakes, errors are opportunities for improvement and refinement. This approach aligns with the concept of “progress over perfection,” where the emphasis is placed on incremental advancements rather than an unattainable ideal. By honing in on specific, measurable aspects of what you are trying to achieve, you can make tangible improvements that accumulate over time, leading to significant growth and development.

    Wobbling in life—experiencing moments of instability, uncertainty, or even failure—is crucial for personal growth, resilience, and adaptability. 

    Physical wobbling strengthens you

    In physical exercises, wobbling is a great thing because it challenges and strengthens muscles by engaging stabiliser muscles and improving balance and coordination. When we wobble during exercises like squats, lunges, or yoga poses, our muscles are forced to work harder to maintain stability, leading to increased strength and endurance over time.

    Wobbling also activates smaller, often unused, overlooked or neglected muscles that are crucial for joint stability and overall functional movement. By challenging these muscles through wobbling, we improve our overall body awareness and strength too.

    Moreover, wobbling encourages us to focus on proper form and technique, which are essential for preventing injuries and maximising the effectiveness of our workouts. Precision over perfection!

    When we wobble, it’s a signal that our body is out of alignment or that we’re compensating for weaknesses in certain muscle groups. By paying attention to these cues and making necessary adjustments, we can ensure that we’re working the right muscles and reducing the risk of injury.

    Furthermore, wobbling adds an element of variability and progression to our workouts. As we become stronger and more proficient in exercises, we can increase the intensity by introducing instability tools like balance boards, stability balls, or BOSU balls. These tools challenge our muscles in new ways, promoting continued growth and improvement.

    Personal development and wobbling

    Outside of the physical, navigating life’s wobbles builds mental and emotional strength.

    Firstly, wobbling fosters resilience. When we face setbacks or unexpected challenges, we’re forced to adapt and find ways to regain our footing. Each wobble presents an opportunity to learn, grow, and develop new coping mechanisms. Over time, these experiences build resilience, enabling us to bounce back stronger from adversity.

    Secondly, wobbling encourages innovation and creativity. Embracing uncertainty opens us up to new possibilities and perspectives. It pushes us out of our comfort zones and encourages us to explore alternative solutions and approaches. Some of the greatest breakthroughs and innovations stem from navigating through moments of uncertainty and ambiguity.

    Thirdly, wobbling cultivates humility and empathy. When we wobble, we’re reminded of our humanity, it humbles and dissolves the ego that wants perfection instantly. This humility allows us to connect more deeply with others, as we recognise that everyone faces their own struggles and challenges. Everyone has their own wobbles. It fosters empathy and understanding, strengthening our relationships and our sense of community.

    Moreover, wobbling fuels personal growth and self-discovery. Each wobble presents an opportunity for reflection and introspection. By examining our reactions and responses to challenges, we gain valuable insights into our strengths, weaknesses, and values. This self-awareness enables us to make informed decisions and pursue paths that align with our authentic selves.

    In essence, wobbling is not just an inevitable part of life; it’s a necessary catalyst for growth, resilience, and self-discovery. By embracing life’s wobbles with courage and openness, we can navigate through uncertainty with grace and emerge stronger, wiser, and more resilient individuals. The way to go about this through the mindset and energetic shift of precision over perfectionism.

    Thank you for tuning in beautiful soul, until next time, love and positivity.

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  • 77: Embracing Ageing and Life-ing (The Gift of Years)

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    This episode is a deep dive on ageing. It will provide you with powerful perspective shifts on what it means to age and get older. How to embrace ageing and why it is such a gift to do so. Expect a thought provoking podcast that will make you think. 

    Resources from today's episode

    Work with Phi

    Intuitive message on ageing

    Hi Beautiful Souls, how is your heart and soul today? I’ve been doing some wonderful 1:1 coaching calls and human design readings and a theme that has come through strongly of lately is ageing. Now ageing isn’t unique to some people, it’s a universal passage and journey that we will all experience. 

    It inspired a recent Instagram post I wrote: 

    “And suddenly you’re older. Fear hits you like a truck as does the anxiety and panic. Here’s the the thing, what a privilege it is to age. You are also wiser. You are also stronger. You are also more resilient. Age has made you more agile and adaptable. You’ll never be as young as you are right now. Your spirit is eternal. Your spirit is endless. The sum of who you are in this moment is every age that you’ve been. Think of who you’ve been before, who you are now and who you are becoming. That is oh so very beautiful.”

    Phi Dang

    Astrological energetic transits ageing

    I’ve been doing Saturn Return readings for those currently in the lead up to and their transit 27-30 which is the spiritual equivalent of turning 21, your coming of age. Many of which this week happened to be karmic in nature.

    I also did a reading for a projector who’s in her 30’s and trying to understand the purpose of why she went through what she did and the current phase after her life (because to have your Saturn Return is one thing, Saturn is about discipline after all so it’s about maintaining the lessons and growth from your Saturn Return) until you hit your 40’s whereby it’s all about your Uranus Opposition, the spiritual mid life point or for some mid life crisis vibes. 

    I’ve also been coaching clients this week particularly aged 20-24 and talking about how each year of your 20’s is so different. 

    At any given point in time there’s astrological transits to help you expand and grow more, to become more aligned with yourself – that’s an episode for another day but essentially if you’re feeling a curiosity around how you’re feeling in relation to a certain age, chances are you’re in a transit. You can find out more in 1:1 coaching or a human design reading with me!

    Oracle card ageing

    I also pulled a collective oracle card for anyone listening to this podcast and no surprises the ‘aging’ one came out with this mantra: I am one with unlimited love, beyond all seeming restrictions of age. I am filled with joy, energy and beauty – a vessel for the divine.

    Redefining ageing

    Society often portrays aging, especially for women, as something to be feared or avoided. But aging is a natural, inevitable part of life that brings wisdom, experience, and new opportunities.

    “It is commonly thought that time is the particular enemy of women. Because we supposedly have so much to lose: our ‘looks’, our fertility, our cultural capital… But there are other ways of looking at it. That women have timepieces built into their bodies – ‘primarily biological clocks’ and the menopause – signs that must eventually be heeded, signs that are, finally, impossible to ignore, seems to me as much a gift as a curse…It strikes me that one consequence of this bodily awareness of time is that adulthood – with all its complex responsibilities and demands – often seems to come as less of a surprise to women than it does to men (there’s a reason our folk tales are full of ‘wise old women’).”

    Dianne Keaton

    Further to that, as a life coach I will say that our thoughts create our reality through what we believe and Marilyn Ferguson rightly says

    "Of all the self-fulfilling prophecies in our culture the assumption that aging means decline and poor health is probably the deadliest.”

    Marilyn Ferguson

    Growing up and being in a Western Culture, it’s definitely more youth-orientated where youth, beauty and vitality are the focuses. Aging is seen as a decline in desirability and relevance. This is compounded by a mammoth anti-aging industry.

    Though things are changing, and I share the examples of women in the media. JLo is worshipped for her age defying appearance as is Anne Hathaway who seems to be “ageing backwards.”

    Celebrity culture on ageing

    Though things are changing, and I share the examples of women in the media. JLo is worshipped for her age defying appearance as is Anne Hathaway who seems to be “ageing backwards.”

    Pamela Anderson was the epitome of bombshell with her surgically enhanced body and heavy make up in her younger years and as of late has been deemed “unrecognisable,” going make up free. She’s come out saying that “anti-ageing” is a lie,” that  “we’re getting older no matter what,” and that she calls it ‘life-ing, not aging.”

    She penned the following poem on her Instagram “Life humbles you. As you grow old…you stop chasing the big things and start valuing the little things…alone time, enough sleep, a good diet, long walks, and quality time with loved ones,” she wrote in the caption. “Simplicity becomes the ultimate goal…

    With this all threads through gender and more culture; the sensuality, sexuality of being a woman. The erotic gaze, being desired or feeling liberated from desire. The framing that men have a body where as women are a body. 

    Ultimately it boils down to a pro-aging revolution, whether you embrace grey hairs or cover them up, go make up-free or not, it’s about embracing the life you’ve lived so far and who you are at every age.

    Different cultures on ageing

    With regards to other cultures; in different cultures including Asian, South Asian and African there is respect for elders and in particular women are the matriarchs of the family, making key decisions and guiding younger generations. Getting older is seen as something to look forward to.

    Within indigenous cultures, elders are seen as wisdom keepers and spiritual guides who play a crucial role in preserving and passing down traditions, stories, and cultural knowledge.

    With age, yes we lose certain things but we also gain so much…

    With ageing comes experience

    One of the greatest gifts of aging are the experiences we accumulate which hopefully is turned into wisdom.

    “In the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.”

    Abraham Lincoln

    It’s the core reason why many of us may wish to be younger but only if we can have with us the insights we’ve accumulated.

    These experiences broaden how we see the world and give us different perspectives on how to navigate life, what matters and what we give meaning to.

    With what we’ve gained we can also share with others, taking on a mentorship or teacher role whether formally or not.

    At 18, there would be so much you would share with your 13 year old self. In your 20’s there’s so much you would share with the version of you navigating high school. What you’d tell yourself in your early 20’s by the time you reach the end of it. What you know at 30 vs 40 vs 50 vs 60 vs 70 and so fourth. Huge shifts. Different remarks.

    Whilst time isn’t a guarantee, often in life it’s realising it’s never too late so long as you are breathing and alive, anything is possible!

    In my book,  The Great Unlearning: Awakening to Living an Aligned and Authentic Life, I write:

    Maybe you’re worried about going back to university and starting a new course aged twenty-nine that takes three years. By the time you finish, you’ll be thirty-two. Whether or not you do the course, in three years, you’ll still be thirty-two. You’re nervous about never meeting ‘the one’ and you meet them aged thirty-seven. Are you upset you’re aged thirty-seven or are you happily in love aged thirty- seven? The only thing that’s keeping you behind is being fixed on a specific timeline. You can’t be falling behind because who set the pace and tone anyway? You’re allowed to move at your own pace. You’re allowed to take your time. Life isn’t linear but an open and organic canvas.

    Phi Dang

    "Aging is not ‘lost youth’ but a new stage of opportunity and strength.”

    Betty Friedan Tweet

    All in all don’t forget you don’t lose every age you’ve been as you get older, you accumulate it. You are all the ages up until this point 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18… you get my point! You are all the ages you’ve ever been.

    Let your mind ponder this layered quote from William Wordsworth, “The wiser mind mourns less for what age takes away than what it leaves behind.” 

    New beginnings and opportunities

    Aging is not the end of new opportunities. Many women find new passions, hobbies, and even careers later in life.

    In my book, The Great Unlearning, I write:

    “Lawyer Amal Clooney (née Alamuddin) met actor George Clooney when she was thirty-five, went on to marry him and have twins. Vera Wang entered the fashion industry at age forty and is now a household name. It’s now even possible for women to have children at the age of fifty with the help of medical advancements. “

    Phi Dang

    Quotes on the new beginnings and opportunities that ageing brings:

    “When you’re young, there’s so much now that you can’t take it in. It’s pouring over you like a waterfall. When you’re older, it’s less intense, but you’re able to reach out and drink it. I love being older.”

    Sigourney Weaver

    "You are as young as your faith, as old as your doubt; as young as your self-confidence, as old as your fear, as young as your hope, as old as your despair.”


    Samuel Ullman

    Know that gender plays a huge role in this, men are revered for getting older, becoming “legendary” and “aging like fine wine”  yet it doesn’t necessarily translate to women in society fully yet. 

    "When it comes to aging, we’re held to a different standard than men. Some guy said to me: ‘Don’t you think you’re too old to sing rock n’ roll?’ I said: ‘You’d better check with Mick Jagger.’"

    Cher

    Self acceptance and growth

    Why do people tend to become more self-accepting as they age?

    Resilience. As time goes on those moments you thought the world would end or you wouldn’t be okay… you realise well hey I’m still here and I’ve overcome a lot. Not only that you are more true to yourself as opposed to caring so much about what other people think and what’s happening in the mainstream. To be your true and authentic self. You develop the courage to speak your truth and do what you really want to.

    "Aging is an extraordinary process where you become the person you always should have been"

    David Bowie

    "It’s good to have a sense of self and to be able to be your own best friend."

    Pamela Anderson

    “I’m tired of trying to be young. I don’t want to be young. I’ve been young.”

    Andie MacDowell

    What also becomes apparent is that comparison dwindles down as you get older and isn’t as alert in your life as say when you’re a teenager or in your 20’s and 30’s. 

    “At age 20, we worry about what others think of us. At age 40, we don't care what they think of us. At age 60, we discover they haven't been thinking of us at all." 

    Ann Landers

    It becomes more natural to be at peace with yourself than not.

    “Aging is as natural as a baby’s softness and scent. Aging is human evolution in its pure form.”

    Jamie Lee Curtis

    “The great thing about getting older is that you become more mellow. Things aren’t as black and white, and you become much more tolerant. You can see the good in things much more easily rather than getting enraged as you used to do when you were young.”

    Maeve Binchy

    “Growing old with someone else is beautiful, but growing old while being true to yourself is divine.”

    Dodinsky

    Physically ageing

    Physical changes are a natural part of aging, and they tell the story of our lives. It’s time to embrace these changes and see them as badges of honor rather than something to hide.

    I’m going to read out some quotes from various women on their perspective of physical changes to the body as life goes on.

    An interesting perspective to consider is one from Eleanor Roosevelt,

    “Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art.”

    Eleanor Roosevelt

    “There is a saying that with age, you look outside what you are inside. If you are someone who never smiles your face gets saggy. If you’re a person who smiles a lot, you will have more smile lines. Your wrinkles reflect the roads you have taken; they form the map of your life. My face reflects the wind and sun and rain and dust from the trips I’ve taken. My face carries all my memories. Why should I erase them?”

    Diane Von Fursternberg

    “In interviews, the first question I get in America is always: ‘What do you do to stay young?’ I do nothing. I don’t think aging is a problem...Yes, my face has wrinkles. But I don’t find it monstrous. I’m so surprised that the emphasis on aging here is on physical decay when aging brings such incredible freedom. Now what I want most is laughs. I don’t want to hurt anybody by laughing — there is no meanness to it. I just want to laugh.”

    Isabella Rosselini

    “I don’t relate to a 26-year-old model. I don’t want her life. I don’t want her face. I don’t want her experience. I’ve earned my life. I’ve earned my wrinkles. I have been through so many highs and lows, and there’s a sweetness that starts to emerge from that, from having lived, from being wise, from being humble, from loving and losing and all of this stuff.”

    Gwyneth Paltrow

    “Listen, the best advice on aging is this: What’s the alternative? The alternative, of course, is death. And that’s a lot of shit to deal with. So I’m happy to deal with menopause. I’ll take it.”

    Jodie Foster

    The zinger?

    When it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day. 


    Marty Buccella

    In the end it’s your perspective on the physical changes that occur with age and Eva Longoria reminds us that we do not lose beauty but gain a deeper appreciation for it.

    What is ageless about ageing?

    What is at the core within the fear of ageing comes many universal experiences we have as humans: a fear of change, a fear of losing, a fear of life (mortality itself).

    There is no right way to age.

    Ultimately what is ageless about ageing, is your spirit and soul. Time passes for the home of our soul, the body, the physical vehicle, however your soul is ageless in the sense that it is timeless, eternal and the core essence of you are whether in this lifetime, a past or a future one. It’s why speak of ‘young’ or ‘old’ souls it’s not about the age but the characteristic of someone’s spirit no matter their physical age.

    “I’m happy to report that my inner child is still ageless.

    James Broughton

    “Growing old is mandatory, but growing up is optional.” 

    Walt Disney

    "Aging not just adding years to our total on earth. It is a process of humanisation, of becoming more spiritually and culturally complex. It allows us to get down to business and make life worthwhile. Over the years it is also a blending of valuable experiences.”

    Thomas Moore

    “There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age.”

    Sophia Loren

    When I really think about it, I feel the same inside as I did 18 or in my 20’s or now 30. It’s the same consciousness within me with added experience and wisdom. Regardless of the age I am physically. It wasn’t like when I suddenly turned 30 inside completely changed, it’s been shifting and progressing the whole time since birth whether I recognise it or not, whether I am conscious of it or not.

    Phi's personal take on ageing

    “Today is the oldest you've ever been, and the youngest you'll ever be again.”

    Eleanor Roosevelt

    Something that has really hit home for me and many clients I share this with is a hypothetical, that this age that you are right now, in 10 years time, if I said to you hey, if you give me everything you own, all your money and possessions, I’ll let you be 10 years younger again … you’d do it in a heartbeat.

    We spend the first part of life wishing to be older and with that also comes different sets of life responsibilities and things we become aware of about life – it’s precious, fleeting nature, how quickly it can start to go… that really ultimately all you wish for is to be fully present and savour right here and right now whatever age you are.

    When I was younger worrying about my school marks and now I am running my own business which isn’t directly related to my university degree yet I remember being 17 and 18 really stressed and studying to make sure I had high enough marks. I mean I got into law school but then ended up dropping out anyway because it wasn’t really in alignment with what I wanted to do in this life.

    Ageing in your twenties into thirty

    I’m now 30 and looking back at my 20’s I was stressing how to figure out my life when really life figured it out for me, this grander plan. My purpose came to me when I was 26 unexpectedly, out of no where yet made sense all at the same time. I enjoyed my 20’s because I lived life to the fullest and I’ve always maintained that I want more life but should it be my time I wouldn’t have regrets, that I would be really proud of myself and how I have lived my life and what I’ve achieved so far. I’m living my purpose and making a difference to this world in my own way: helping others be happier and live their best lives. That is a huge privilege. Even when I wasn’t a life coach, I was making the world a better place by doing my best to be kind and care for the important people and causes in my life.

    What truly matters as you age

    All of that wouldn’t matter if it weren’t for the important people in my life, my friends and family. They, connection, community is what makes life worth living for in addition to the incredible experiences we get to have whether it be as simple as seeing the vivid colours of sunrise or travelling the world being immersed in different cultures. Consciousness is so special I mean I don’t know if animals register the full sensory experience of witnessing a sunrise – the colours, that sensation of awe, of feeling small, of feeling part of something bigger, of feeling magical and divine because what makes a sunset makes us human too.

    I don’t know if anyone ever really does truly have it all and everything figured out no matter what age nor would we want to. That would make life really boring and dull. Life is a dynamic storyline continually changing and shifting to ensure we continue to evolve in this lifetime. It’s not easy, it’s quite the ride. Sometimes sweetness brings the greatest lessons and healing, and other times challenging times are required for that.

    “Every year should teach you something valuable; whether you get the lesson is up to you. Every year brings you closer to expressing your whole and healed self.”

    Oprah Winfrey

    The core of ageing?

    I think it’s natural to look back when you were younger and think you were happier, but I think it’s different types of happiness and what we really yearn for is the feeling and sense of ease and carefree which is also achievable now whatever age you are.

    Ultimately, what if it isn’t time that ages you? Time is constant, time is something we feel and relate to with regards to our awareness. That maybe it could be something else, “aging” you… your thoughts, your emotions and how you feel, that question in itself may it get you to reflect and explore your internal world to answer that question for yourself…

    Consider yourself in reference to your biological age, chronological age, spiritual age, emotional age, mental age… 

    “How old would you be if you didn’t know old you are?”

    Ageing is a beautiful journey

    Aging is a beautiful, complex journey. To end this podcast in the words of Louise Hay;

    “Know that you are the perfect age. Each year is special and precious, for you shall only live it once. Be comfortable with growing older.”

    Louise Hay Tweet

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  • 76: Sagittarius Full Moon May 2024

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    All about the Sagittarius full moon taking place during Gemini season of May 2024. Found out themes related to the Sagittarius full moon such as abundance, perspective and foundations. This episode includes journaling prompts for the Sagittarius full moon in May 2024 too.

    Resources from today's episode

    Work with Phi

    Collective energy leading up to Sagittarius full moon

    Hi beautiful soul, how are you? It’s been a little break since the last podcast episode however this morning I woke up with a strong, clear message to do a podcast on the full moon that is taking place in Sagittarius on the 23rd of May. The portal will be open over the next few days and will likely ease next week.

    It’s a beautiful one nicknamed the flower moon. Know that if you’ve been feeling heavier, denser, more tired and emotional that you aren’t alone, the collective energies have been definitely feeling that way so this is a powerful time to reset and let go. It’s also really interesting I feel like there’s been a lot of karmic healing, growth and lessons taking place, it’s something that’s been really strong in the human design readings I’ve done this week and I’m really feeling a call to do more karmic work with clients and within readings which on a side note if you are interested, I do have availability so if you’re feeling the call, I invite you to book into a human design reading with me!

    Challenges and blessings of this Sagittarius full moon

    It makes a lot of sense given Sagittarius is the sign of the centaur and as many of you will know of which is the symbol for Chiron, the wounded healer. This is amplified given Pluto in the sky whilst the full moon is taking place too (all about the subconscious and spiritual rebirth energy), heightening emotions, relationships and situations at this time. 

    We are always rewarded for doing the work including delving into our deepest wounds and shadow work, this moon very much has a lucky, auspicious and optimistic energy that accompanies it too for the blessed planets of Venus and Jupiter are meeting in the sign of Taurus which won’t happen again for another 12 years! Something of note should you have Taurus placements within your chart. 

    In contrast to other episodes I’ve done where I typically share journaling questions all at the end, for this one I’ll be sprinkling them throughout with the themes that arise so it’s one of those podcasts you may like to listen fully once, go back and go through or as you go pause, reflect or journal.

    Let’s divine into the Sagittarius full moon taking place on May 23 2024 this year.

    Perspective and acceptance

    What I’m feeling called to share is that this is a full moon of perspective, it’s abundant and invites us to dissolve the seriousness and heaviness into a feeling of lightness. A key to a part of this is acceptance, where are you perhaps resisting accepting something because when we can accept something, whilst we may not like it, it removes a sense of burden. Maybe you’re frustrated at doing things recently and you can’t see any progress yet. This full moon assures you that everything is adding up and culminating into the bigger picture. The littlest of things do count.

    Is there anything in your life that calls for acceptance right now? Perhaps something you’ve been resistant, why? Can you find a way to accept what it is?

    Reconnect with the new moon in Sagittarius

    This particular full moon links to the Sagittarius New Moon that took place around the 12th/13th of December last year in 2023. It’s a full circle moment so things you may have manifested then may come to fruition now.

    What was going on in your life back then and how have things changed? 

    What were the little niggly things back then and how have the evolved now? Do they still matter? Did they get resolved?

    Letting go to bloom

    This full moon is nicknamed as the flower moon based on Native American Tribes in North America based on the arrival of Spring and with that comes plenty of flowers hence also abundance vibes. The old english name for this moon was the “milk moon” because it was a plentiful time where cows would be milked up to three times a day too! 

    What are you ready to release to make way for more and new beginnings in your life?

    What are all the possibilities available to you in your life right now and in the future?

    Reflect on areas of your life where you’ve experienced growth. How has this growth contributed to a feeling of abundance?

    As the seasons change, nature lets go of the old and embraces new growth. How can you apply this natural cycle to your own life to foster abundance and growth?

    It was such a game changer for me learning that I am meant to be what can be labeled as emotional, sensitive or moody (many of which are likely people with an open solar plexus in human design or those who themselves are not comfortable with feeling). 

    Foundations of the Sagittarius Full Moon

    The two star signs associated with this full moon Sagittarius and Gemini (the season of which we are in) can be linked to metaphorical foundations. Sagittarius for exploration and growth (in particular spiritual and philosophically). Gemini for ideas and communication.

    What foundations do you have in place for growth and change in your life right now? How have they evolved over time such as your attitude towards adventure and change as well as communication with others?  Reflect on the core beliefs and philosophies that guide your life. How have your experiences and knowledge you’ve sought shaped these beliefs? How do they serve as the foundation for your decisions and actions?

    It was such a game changer for me learning that I am meant to be what can be labeled as emotional, sensitive or moody (many of which are likely people with an open solar plexus in human design or those who themselves are not comfortable with feeling). 

    Letting go practice for the flower moon

    A letting go practice given all the themes discussed in this episode would be to involve flowers! It would be so beautiful to get some flowers, and with each petal imagine putting into it the energy of something you would like to let go of then plucking it off. With the petals you could either have a nice bath with it or place in a bowl of water under the full moon (and pour into the garden the next day).

    Play with the flower moon

    The final piece to this all is Sagittarius is know to be fun and playful so this episode concludes on a question? How can you make space to bring more joy into your life right now?

    Sagittarians love to travel to expand their horizons too so it might be fun to also think about upcoming travel you have or plan a trip (even if you don’t follow through allow yourself to dream and be in the energy of it!).

    Loved speaking to you about the Sagittarius full moon beautiful soul. Should you feel a calling to change, shift and pivot in your life or need support and guidance, I got you. I have spaces available in 1:1 coaching and human design readings so get in touch if you’re feeling the pull. Until next time beautiful soul, love and positivity. 

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  • 75: Your Feelings are Always Valid

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    Let’s delve into the layered intricate world of your emotions. In this episode, we’re exploring a fundamental truth: Your feelings are always valid. In a world that often dismisses or invalidates emotions, this episode serves as a reminder that what you experience holds weight and significance. We’ll navigate the nuances of your feelings are always valid and go deeper together.

    Resources from today's episode

    Work with Phi

    Feelings and emotions: astrology and human design

    This episode is all about the feels… and you know I feel deeply with all the Scorpio in my chart (a water sign) and being an emotional authority in human design, I’m designed to deeply feel (in fact 50% of the world are emotional authorities too!).

    It was such a game changer for me learning that I am meant to be what can be labeled as emotional, sensitive or moody (many of which are likely people with an open solar plexus in human design or those who themselves are not comfortable with feeling). 

    Cultural conditioning and emotions

    Growing up with an Asian heritage as Vietnamese and Chinese, I was conditioned to keep my feelings to myself.  Emotions were reinforced as private matters, to be dealt with internally rather than expressed outwardly. This cultural upbringing instills a sense of stoicism and self-reliance, where showing vulnerability was equated with weakness. It was all about saving face, not rocking the boat, maintaining harmony even at the expense of our own emotional well-being.

    Societal conditioning, women and emotions

    It’s not just cultural conditioning either it’s also societal, the stigma surrounding women and emotions often stems from outdated societal beliefs and gender stereotypes. Women have historically been portrayed as overly emotional or irrational, undermining women’s credibility and perpetuating harmful gender norms. It’s judged upon and easily dismissed being attributed to hormonal fluctuations or back to the classic irrational it doesn’t make sense (hello emotions aren’t rational!).

    It’s hard to get it right because if you don’t display your emotions as a woman particularly warmth, you may be labelled as cold, unfeeling or lacking femininity. This double bind creates a challenging dynamic for women, as we feel pressure to navigate a narrow range of acceptable emotional expression.

    The reality is that we we live a world that sometimes dismisses or invalidates our feelings. However I truly believe this is getting better especially post pandemic with the rising awareness, interest and social recognition on the importance of mental health now more than ever. As a coach one are in particular I work on a lot with clients is to support and guide my clients into feeling their feelings. Whilst you don’t have to understand them to feel them, a lot of clients feel better when there can be an understanding of what’s going on beneath the surface which is where  I can come in with subconscious work, intuition and human design to support and assist. 

    Your feelings are always valid

    Accordingly today’s episode centres around the perspective that your feelings are always valid. You always have a right to feel what you feel. The nature of emotions is subjective. It’s the acknowledgement of hello, yes as I’m existing right now, I am feeling this, right here and now in this moment. Your feelings are valid because you feel them. 

    It’s important to remember that validating our feelings doesn’t mean we always understand them or agree with them. Emotions can be complex and nuanced, influenced by a multitude of factors such as past experiences, societal norms, and personal beliefs. However, regardless of whether others understand or validate our feelings, we have the right to honor and respect them.

    Feelings aren't logical or rational

    Whilst feelings aren’t based on logic or facts. That doesn’t take away from the importance and value of them. How we feel isn’t rational, but what we feel is very real as we experience them through our own consciousness. They stem from the depths of our subconscious. They are an integral part of what makes you human. Emotions serve as signals from your inner self, offering information and insights into your needs, desires, and experiences. Your emotions are a reflection of your unique perspective and life journey, and denying their validity can lead to repression and emotional distress.

    Your feelings are always valid but how you act upon them may not be

    It’s essential to recognise that while our emotions are valid, they are not excuses for harmful or destructive behavior. It’s not a permission slip to suddenly act however we want based on how we feel. We have to be conscious and considerate of their impact. Our feelings shouldn’t enable our actions to be unchecked. Instead, we ought to be responsible with how we approach them,
    as signals to inform our choices rather than allowing them to control us. 

    This requires a level of self-awareness and self-regulation, acknowledging our feelings without letting them overpower our sense of reason and consideration of self and others around us. To simply put, it may be helpful to see it from the perspective internally how we feel is always valid but what we do with it externally may not warrant that same validation in proportion to the feeling. 

    It’s helpful to check in with yourself, do you have the power to be mindful of your emotions or have your emotions got power over you? Who is the driving force behind the wheel?

    Taking responsibility for what you do with how you feel

    Taking responsibility for our actions means acknowledging the impact they may have on ourselves and others, even when they stem from valid emotions. Instead of allowing our feelings to dictate our behavior without question, we can cultivate mindfulness and self-awareness to respond to our emotions in a way that aligns with our values and principles. 

    This involves pausing and reflecting before acting impulsively, considering the consequences of our actions, and choosing responses in alignment with our best selves. By taking ownership of our behaviours and actions, even in the face of challenging emotions, we empower ourselves to navigate life with integrity, awareness and authenticity. This is how we use our emotions to cultivate emotional intelligence. It is also a responsibility and empowerment that your feelings belong to you. However they are.

    Visceral reactions to feelings

    It gets more challenging when we have raw feelings that lead to visceral reactions that are hard to manage. It’s like being caught in a whirlwind, where every thought and sensation swirls around us magnitude and force. In those moments, it feels like you’ve lost control. Yet, even in the midst of such turmoil, it’s essential to recognise that you aren’t your emotions or feelings. They are transient states that pass through us, like clouds drifting across the sky. Understanding this can help us weather the storm with greater resilience and clarity.

    Having such feelings can be scary and lead to suppression but it’s got that pressure cooker effect, they will build up until they inevitably explode, causing even more turmoil and distress. As they say the body keeps score too, and it may lead to physical symptoms within the body such as constipation and repression of feelings. In these moments it’s a call to get grounded and to regulate our nervous system such as through breathing.

    Your feelings are always valid but not always true

    More over your feelings are always valid but they’re not always true. Our feelings often arise with thoughts and the creation of emotional narratives. It’s our mind taking liberty and reign to create our conditioning and programming. For example, you feel extremely anxious about an upcoming presentation at work. Your heart is racing, your palms are sweaty, and you can’t shake the feeling of impending doom. These feelings are undoubtedly real to you, but that doesn’t necessarily mean your presentation will be as dire as your emotions suggest.

    In reality, you’ve they’ve prepared thoroughly for the presentation for weeks in advance and have received positive feedback from multiple people. The anxiety might stem from past experiences or a fear of failure rather than any actual indication that you will present poorly.

    How to validate your feelings

    Given all this what are some practices you can introduce to validate your own feelings? At the core of it is listening. So many of us can be scared as to what arises or live in the mindset ignorance is bliss. Meditation is a beautiful way to allow yourself to observe thoughts and feelings within your own body. We shift more into the body with a conscious scan to notice physical sensations whereas journaling is a conscious scan of the mind. From there it can be helpful to express your feelings to process them whether it’s labelling your emotions to figure out the nuances or a creative means like art or dance.

    Ultimately validating your feelings doesn’t mean you have to agree with them or act on them. It simply means acknowledging and accepting them as valid aspects of your experience. This paves the way for greater self awareness and consciousness in your growth journey. If you’re looking to work on feeling your feelings, deepening your emotional intelligence and strengthening your connection to your heart and emotions, I’d love to help! 

    I offer 1:1 coaching session and human design readings to help you. More information available on my website phidang.com or my Instagram @thephidang, please reach out I would love to hear from you. Until next time beautiful soul, love and positivity. 

    Let’s work together through 1:1 coaching and/or a human design reading. 

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