Spiritual growth comes at a cost. It will cost you your old self and ways of being. You no longer close your eyes to the truth that resides in your heart and soul. You no longer deny what you truly long for and desire. You will shed the masks you hide behind and break down the walls you put up in self defence. You will outgrow people that you thought would be a part of your life forever. Your heart will shatter in ways you thought it could no longer break. Your mind will open up to possibilities and beliefs that you never thought possible. With all this cost – the investment is worth it over and over again. The edges of your fear will sharpen you. Your heart will beat with ecstasy and joy you never knew possible. Your world will open up to infinite potentiality. You’ll dance with magic, miracles and manifestation. Within you is the deep knowing, that you have arrived, that you are your highest self.
One step at a time
The price of being your highest self can be tiring and exhausting.
Even though it is… it IS worth it.
When you are living your dream life.
When you truly believe in yourself.
When your actions match your words.
When you love yourself so deeply.
When you trust yourself so deeply.
When you share your wisdom.
When you beam with pride of your journey.
When your heart and soul align.
When you break ancestral patterns.
When you heal for your family and future generations.
When you sleep easy at night.
When you make a difference in the lives of many.
That is WHY you do it.
Looking ahead it can be overwhelming and scary.
Feel the fear and continue anyway, you owe it to your highest self but mostly you owe it to present you.
One step and a time, day by day, moment by moment.
Cheering you on always 🥳 through the good times, the bad and everything that falls in between in this human experience 🥂
love & positivity ✨ phi
Ready to activate your highest self and live your best life?
I would love to be there by your side, to help you, to guide you, to support you through 1:1 coaching or a human design reading.
Change can be trying to keep your head above water.
Change can be stirring beneath the surface.
Change can be getting caught between two worlds.
Change can be the crushing weight of the world.
Change can be lingering, waiting in the shadows.
Change can be torture and agony, bleeding out.
Change can be silence, with not a word said.
Change can be turbulent, aching to break free.
Change can be a baptism of fire, burning alive.
Change can be a graveyard, haunted by your mistakes.
Change can be painful, but change is how we grow.
More on change
Many of us believe change is a good thing, in fact we desire it and we think it will be enjoyable and pleasant.
Sometimes it is.
Sometimes it isn’t.
It can be uncomfortable and unpleasant.
It can be slow, tedious and drawn out.
It can cause anxiety, stress, disruption and even depression in some cases.
Despite the growing pains it doesn’t mean change is bad.
Whether we initiate it or not, whether we are are prepared or not… change happens inevitably.
To help us grow and expand, to be come our highest selves living our life in alignment with our soul and values.
Just as the caterpillar becomes a butterfly be willing and open to change.
Be open to letting go and shedding who you’ve been.
Be open to letting go of the past and old patterns.
Be open to who you are now and who you are becoming
Sometimes the change won’t make sense, you won’t quite understand it — go with it, see where it takes you.
Have faith knowing that any change happening is change that you can handle
Here’s to your highest growth
love & positivity phi
Ready to embrace change to the fullest? To change with support and guidance with me along your side? I would love to help you through 1:1 coaching or a human design reading
Episode Summary of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 27: Normalising Boundaries With Family
Family and boundaries. Just because they are your family doesn’t mean they are exempt from boundaries. Boundaries exist to help and protect you in addition to strengthening all your relationships especially and including your family.
What you'll learn from this episode
Why boundaries also apply to your family
How your boundaries are formed as a child
What are boundaries
How boundaries are formed
The influence of family on boundaries – your upbringing
The 3 crucial things a life coach wants you to know about boundaries
How we recreate familial situations as an adult particularly in romantic relationships
Practical family scenarios and their influence on boundaries
A practical strategy to understand how your family influenced your boundaries
Boundaries and cultural conditioning
A life coach’s insight on boundaries
Key Quotes from this Episode
Boundaries are a beautiful tool - they help you to be true to who you are and be in your full expression in life!
Boundaries apply to everybody not just one particular type of relationship.
People cannot mind read so you can’t expect people to just know boundaries
[Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:
Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.
Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.
My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”
My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.
Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.
This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.
Ready to grow? Let’s grow!
[Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]
[Episode 27 – Normalising Boundaries With Family]
Normalising Boundaries With Family Introduction
Hi beautiful soul!
Wherever you are right now and whatever you are doing I hope you are doing well and fully present!
I’ve actually started listening to more podcasts when I drive, so if you’re driving full focus on the road whilst absorbing this podcast.
In fact a few of you have written to let me know you love listening whilst driving too and re-listening at home when you can fully take in everything and write notes.
Welcoming a new 1:1 client!
First of all I wanted to do a huge shout and congratulations to my new 1:1 client S wooohooo beautiful soul I’m so excited to be working with you – my first client from London! In our initial consultation chat S was blown with the breakthroughs and realisations she was having about her anxiety and perspective regarding her career and feeling held back from getting a promotion. She’s now stepped into her power and I can’t wait to see what the next few months working with her will lead to!
Work with Phi
If you’ve been tuning in for a while, finding my posts resonating and feel the pull to work with me – please get in touch – I would love to work with you as I have done with my clients to help you overcome your negative self talk and limiting beliefs so you can start living your best life, your next level of growth and evolution!
Why boundaries also apply to your family
Today’s episode is inspired and rooted in my latest Instagram post which I did on Sunday to coincide with Mother’s Day. Part of that post was being really firm with boundaries even for and especially for family members like your mum.
I want to start the episode with a key insight for you: your family at the end of the day are human just like you. They aren’t on a pedestal, we are all and in one the same. From the same source which you may call God, Universe, Spirit, Source, Infinite Intelligence – whatever resonates best with you.
Labels of mum, dad, sibling are what we give to identify the relationship to the person. They are also roles, you are a daughter or son to someone, perhaps even a sibling.
Just because they are your family it doesn’t mean boundaries don’t apply to them. Boundaries apply to everybody not just one particular type of relationship.
How your boundaries are formed as a child
And here comes the journey of navigating and understanding the huge role our families play in the formation and enactment of our boundaries.
So many things we believe – how we act, what we believe to be true is formed and learnt from birth and as children.
We are always consciously and subconsciously absorbing the world around us like sponges that in turn create our programming and conditioning.
This can become tricky when you are so accustomed to a certain way and belief that perhaps you may not even realise the situations around you are unhealthy, in fact you think it is ‘normal’ based on your upbringing and conditioning.
How your upbringing and family influence your boundaries
Depending on how you were raised – boundaries may or may not be a thing.
Simply put, boundaries are what you put in place whether physically, mentally, emotionally, morally, financially and so forth to protect yourself and what behaviour you will allow.
As a baseline boundaries are ensuring you are respected. That goes both ways including respecting your own self and being firm and following through with the boundaries you set.
Think of them as sliding doors, used when needed.
Boundaries are a beautiful tool – they help you to be true to who you are and be in your full expression in life!
The importance of clearly explained boundaries
Whilst I’m talking about boundaries, from my experience as a life coach I can’t stress how important it is to clearly communicate and define your boundaries.
People cannot mind read so you can’t expect people to just know boundaries – if you tell them clearly there cannot be any confusion.
How we recreate familial situations as an adult particularly in romantic relationships
On the topic of family and our boundaries, it is in fact our family relationships which form the foundation and groundwork for a lot of other relationships we go on to have in our lives particularly romantic relationships. We often recreate familial situations in romantic relationships consciously and unconsciously.
A common example that I identify with is fear of being abandoned. Growing up as an only child, having my parents divorced I had developed a fear of being alone and abandoned.
I can recall memories of being left alone in the house and freaking out when my parents just popped out to the shops and of course the heart wrenching memories of my parents splitting up.
Being so young I didn’t know how this would impact me and later on I realised I would get very easily and anxiously attached to men I dated. It wasn’t til I did the work I was able to move forward and free myself from this limiting narrative and conditioning.
The impact of your family and the boundaries you have
So back to familial relationships and boundaries here are some ways in which this can unfold in your life.
Chaotic upbringing
Perhaps if you grew up in a chaotic upbringing, you desire more security and control and so you exert firm boundaries as a means of power and distilled down for your safety.
A healthy boundary for this would be discussing any suspicions of a partner cheating instead of harbouring resentment, making assumptions or making a rule to be able to always check and read each other’s messages.
No boundaries
Perhaps you grew up in a household where there were no boundaries, what we know to be as enmeshed families to differing degrees – you spoke to your parents about everything and in turn they knew everything about your business and you knew everything about theirs.
A healthy boundary for this would be giving your parents a general update on your dating life but at the end of the day you will date who you desire.
Spending time with your family
Perhaps you grew up expected to spend all your time with your family and now you feel very guilty for having your own life and spending time apart from your family.
Or maybe it was that if someone felt sad in your family, everyone was expected to feel sad too.
Maybe your family played a very active role in your academic or social life – pushing things to be a certain way. All of these things play a role in the formation of your boundaries.
A practical strategy to understand how your family influenced your boundaries
For a moment put yourself in a time machine to when you were younger and you said “I don’t want to” or “I don’t like…” or “why do I have to do this…?”
Really as a child we are made to do a lot of things we may not necessarily want to as we are learning and growing – being made to speak to or see certain people, eat particular foods, extra curricular activities before, at and after school.
How did your family react? That can help inform a lot about the conditioning you have when it comes to boundaries.
Know that boundaries develop over time, for example the significant shift occurs as you go from a child to an adult particularly on your independence. Maybe your family dynamics change, divorce happens or new partners in the family happen.
Boundaries aren't evil or made to hurt anyone
Boundaries aren’t an evil tool in place to hurt other people or let them down.
Boundaries are the opposite, they protect you and strengthen your relationships. When you can feel safe and at ease with yourself and the world around you, that benefits everyone.
Boundaries and cultural conditioning
Boundaries particularly feel difficult on particular occasions such as Mother’s Day which has just happened or holiday season such as Christmas. Cultural conditioning comes into play – it’s that feeling of ‘you have to spend time with your family’, ‘you should be nice to your family’ and so forth.
So how do you overcome this? By getting curious. By stepping back and being the awareness of observer of the stories. Oh this makes sense because “society as a whole expects you to spend time with your family.”
Just because it’s a holiday it doesn’t mean you have to talk to a toxic family member again or even spend time with them if it makes you feel upset and uncomfortable.
Go deeper and bring it back to the self – do the inner work. Notice your triggers. See the patterns. If you have difficulty this is where someone like myself, a life coach, can help you, or another profession such as a psychologist.
At the end of the day your boundaries exist for you and are created solely by you.
Give yourself permission to have boundaries because they are important for your safety and wellbeing.
You know yourself best and it’s healthy to do what’s best for you.
It’s healthy because in order for you to be your best for those you love, you need to be at your best.
Episode closing Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang 27: Normalising Boundaries With Family
Understand that it is often difficult and uncomfortable to set boundaries again depending on your programming and conditioning. So be patient, gentle, kind and compassionate with yourself. Know that the rewards of having healthy boundaries are worth the uncomfortable journey of enacting boundaries with our loved ones. At the end of the day if your family love you they would want to respect you in the same way that you would want to as well.
Until next Tuesday beautiful souls for another episode of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, love and positivity.
[Episode 27 – Normalising Boundaries With Family Outro]
Are you wanting to find out more about 1:1 Coaching or working with me? Maybe perhaps you want to know more about me. I’d love to connect with you. You can visit my website phidang.com or connect with me on Instagram @thephidang. Speak to you soon.
WHAT? I hear you say. It’s a small simple word with BIG meaning and stories.
SELFISH.
Without honouring your self, your soul… it’s a disservice to you and the world.
Selfishness ultimately allows you to be your best self.
To give from an overflowing cup ☕️ to be your best self, to be generous, to have the capacity and energy to hold space for others, to be there for them.
Subconsciously we can even be drawn, MAGNETISED to selfish people because we see their power 💥 living in their truth – reflecting back to us a desire we so want… to be true to ourselves.
The irony of being selfish is that you end up giving more, being generous because you are in a stream of O V E R F L O W.
Of abundance.
It feels sooooo good to give when you have so much ⚡️
You don’t need permission to be selfish.
You can simply drop the stories, the guilt should you choose.
Unhook yourself from the shame and connotations around the world selfish.
Go beyond your ego, merge and integrate with yourself.
Learn all about this popular Hygge lifestyle which is pronounced as hoo-gah or hue-gah. If something is hygge, it is known as hyggelig.
What is hygge? Hygge definition, Hygge meaning
Hygge is a Danish concept that roughly translates to comfort and coziness. It’s the feeling you get from being rugged up on a cold winters day, a cosy contentment. It is well being and self care. It may be a part of the reason that Denmark is consistently ranked as one of the happiest countries in the world despite their freezing winters. In saying that, hygge is a lovely lifestyle for enjoying Winter.
You may have seen it trending on blogs, used to market ridiculously expensive items such as candles, blankets, plates, throws and rugs.
All in all, hygge can be summed up as self care – to be cosy, content and comfortable.
Hygge is nourishing. Hygge is a self care mindset.
Who invented hygge? Hygge has its origins in the word ‘hug’ which makes sense given its all about comfort.
In Old Norse, ‘hug’ meant soul, mind, consciousness.
Benefits of hygge
Self care – feel happier and at ease.
Less stress – there is comfort in taking care of yourself.
Hygge is not being sucked into the hype of expensive and well marketed items.
Hygge is a feeling, a self care mindset.
It is simple, Hygge is to feel at ease and comfortabx
Creating the feeling of hygge
Creating the feeling of hygge
A comfortable environment – A calm and inviting place to relax in. You may have a nook somewhere where you live, it could be lots of cushions and pillows, under a blanket. The use of soothing colours such as blue and muted, dusty colours – think blush, beige and tan.
A peaceful setting – It could be complete silence or relaxing music. The removal of distractions such as electronics and your phone.
A warm drink – it could be a hot chocolate, turmeric latte, tea, coffee, mulled wine.
Blankets – something warm and soft to keep you feeling cosy.
Candles – Comforting and radiate warmth. Alternatively consider your lighting, warm and soft instead of harsh.
Comfortable clothes – Big shirts and jumpers, trackpants, leggings, knits, socks. Hint hygge may not be glamorous but it is damn comfy!
Connection – Surround yourself with people who make you feel happy and loved.
Decorations – Whatever makes you feel warmth such as photos of loved ones, significant memories, travel etc. It could be leafy plants and succulents.
Mindful indulgence – Allow yourself to eat what you love without any guilt.
Presence – It’s being in the moment, appreciating the little things that give you comfort.
Relax – have a hot bath, read a book, snuggle, sip tea, play board games.
Intrigued by different cultures and the mindsets they encourage?
This quote about how this is no the new normal, this is the now… It had me thinking about the immense power of living in the moment. The power of now in times of Coronavirus.
Being present.
How to thrive during unprecedented times.
On a site note, what is normal anyway? We are heavily influenced by our upbringing, what we see in the media. What is normal?
Back to the present moment.
What if this global event was a divine message of the universe to you out of your routine?
A divine redirection, a detour Amazing Race style. An awakening.
To remind you that you cannot control everything.
To force you to surrender.
To nudge you to flex your mental muscles.
To be agile, adaptive and flexible. To remind you of your innate power within, that you can control our perspective and attitude. This applies to life as a whole, not only in times of a global health crisis such as COVID-19.
When you are stuck in a rut.
When you are feeling down and helpless.
When you hit rock bottom.
When you are at the mercy of events that are beyond your control. The loss of a loved one, the loss of your job, the break up that shattered your soul, the friendship where you were betrayed.
What does this all mean?
To be present.
To be present in order to thrive during times of uncertainty as we globally face now.
So how do you thrive during a health crisis such as COVID-19/Corona Virus?
Be present. Be here. Be now. The power of now in times of Coronavirus.
What a weird yet strangely incredible time, to be alive during a global event such as this. In this very moment, we are all experiencing a global health crisis. You cannot control or plan the future, like any other time, however this crisis gives you clarity on this notion.
What you can do is be present.
Feel your broad range of emotions.
I feel anxious. I feel scared. I feel hopeful. I feel hopeless. I feel nervous. I feel worried. I feel at peace. I feel positive. I feel.
What are my current surroundings? What can you see? Is there a scent to the air?
When eating a meal, what can you taste? Is it hot? Is it cold? Is it soft or crunchy?
What do you want to remember from this crisis? What is your ideal day? What lifts you up? What drains your energy?
Be.
Instead of feeling frustrated that you cannot plan for the future, why not embrace now?
Live in the moment. Live in the minute to minute, live day to day.
Feel your mind, body and soul surrendering.
Surrendering to the present moment.
Surrendering to inner peace.
Enjoy the present moment.
Affirmations for being in the moment
♥ I am.
♥ I am here now.
♥ I am present.
See the silver linings
As humans we are wired to be bias to the negative unconsciously.
“…Adults display a negativity bias, or the propensity to attend to, learn from, and use negative information far more than positive information.”
Vaish et. al
Whilst it’s in our nature to easily see and feel the losses due to this crisis, there are silver linings.
You know when you go through a heartbreak and you wish the world around you would stop? Well right now, the whole world is on some sort of strange pause of what you are used to. The whole world is essentially with you. We are all feeling the pain, however we all also have the opportunity to see the positivity in all of this.
Examples of silver linings:
Working from home enables a flexible way of living. There’s no commute to work, I can even wear my pyjama pants if I want to! I can easily do little tidbits around the house as a break from work. I’ve always wanted to know what it’s like to work from home on a consistent basis and this is an opportunity to see what it is like.
I have more time in my day as I no longer need to commute or because my work hours have been cut. I have been given more time! I can use this time to rest, to focus on my passions, to work on my projects, to spend time with my loved ones in my household.
Clarity on what is important to me. This virus has stripped back my daily life. I have time to reflect. The absence of certain activities, products and people in my life makes it clear what I feel is important to my life.
Silver lining affirmations
♥ I can find the positivity amongst the chaos. ♥ There is always a positive to every experience in my life. ♥ This is an opportunity to have clarity on what is important to me.
Maintain connection
We are forced to connect in ways that we may not be used to. The absence of physical presence and touch makes you grateful for all the times you were able to.
Connect with old friends.
Connect with people who uplift our spirits.
Connect with our community.
You can connect in various ways such as online through Zoom or Skype. Using applications such as Houseparty, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, WhatsApp, iMessage. Email. Over the phone. Find a Facebook group or forum to speak to like minded and different people.
In saying that, you can also connect with yourself.
You can do this by pausing. By breathing. By reflecting. Being in the present moment.
You are here now.
The power of now in times of Coronavirus.
Connection affirmations
♥ There are always ways to connect. ♥ I am well connected. ♥ I have the opportunity to deeply connect with myself.
Self care
Self care can take various forms. With daily life at a pause in this very moment, it is an amazing opportunity to take care of yourself.
“Self-care is any activity that we do deliberately in order to take care of our mental, emotional, and physical health. Although it’s a simple concept in theory, it’s something we very often overlook.”
+ Doing what nourishes your soul. That could be for example yoga, making a tea, having a bath, calling a friend, reading a book, journalling.
+ Speaking kindly to ourselves and melt away the negativity. Challenge your mind to see the positivity of a situation. For example instead of “I’m bored”, “How lucky am I to have an opportunity to find something to do. My options are a, b, c etc.”
Self care affirmations
♥ I am important. ♥ I love myself ♥ I take care of myself.
Pursue pleasure, set fire to your soul, to your life
With the gift of time, give yourself permission to explore and focus on your self.
Pleasure is defined as “a feeling of happy satisfaction and enjoyment.”
Pleasure comes in different forms.
During a time like this, I’ve definitely felt guilty when I’m doing nothing… the below passage by Ella Jane in her article, “Can we stop trying to optimise our isolation?” really spoke to me.
“The idea that we are supposed to continually self-optimise, even in the face of a life-threatening pandemic, is surely the dark underbelly of the hustle-culture we find ourselves in in 2020. We’re living in an age where each hour has been broken down for us in order to commodify our waking seconds.”
I think we can collectively agree that the age of COVID-19 is simply a terrifying time to be alive, and that tending to your basic needs while coping with so much is more than many people can handle, let alone the pressure of using each spare second to optimise our existence.
phi
