Phi Dang

Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as 'The Positivity Queen'. I help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered by overcoming your negative self talk so you can conquer anything.

  • 55: 10 Things to Unlearn on Grief

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    In this deeply reflective episode, Phi shares her personal insights on grief a decade after losing her dad when she just turned twenty. Grief is a complex and evolving process, and in this episode, we explore 10 things Phi had to unlearn since losing her dad that have shaped her understanding of grief. Each unlearning shares a powerful perspective shift.

    Resources from today's episode

    Work with Phi

    What is discussed: What to unlearn about Grief

    • Moving Beyond Closure: The myth of closure and how embracing the idea of ongoing connection with the departed has brought comfort and healing.
    • The Fluidity of Grief: Grief is not a linear process but a dynamic journey consisting of ebbs and flows of grief. 
    • Leaning into Change: Grief prompts a reevaluation of one’s identity and priorities. 
    • The Myth of Time Healing All Wounds: Phi challenges the common adage and other misconceptions about grief

    What to unlearn about grief

    Hi Beautiful Soul. This week marks 1/3 of my life without my dad. 10 years, a decade without him. So surreal. I wanted to do this podcast on the day inspired by grief into gold, pain into power but sometimes you can’t make your pain productive, you can’t channel your pain into purpose. And that was yesterday for me. I had this idea that I would grieve for an hour and then do something inspired by my dad which was to clean (he was obsessed with cleaning) and help others by doing a podcast on my unlearning with grief. 

    Expectation vs Reality of Grief

    The day had other plans for me. I was deeply sad and stayed in bed until 2pm. I didn’t feel like doing anything at all. I meditate for 20 minutes in bed but that was a struggle. Then I dragged myself to the beach for a swim. That did make me feel better but I was disgruntled at how many people were at the beach and how close the waves were breaking to shore. It was that type of vibe, focusing on the negatives instead of the positive such as I only had to cross the road to go to the beach and being in the water was so rejuvenating and healing. I mainly wanted to stay inside but with my partners encouragement we went out, did Christmas shopping together and he cooked a delicious dinner for us. Bless him. 

    Over the past ten years, I’ve navigated the intricate layered landscape of death, darkness, depression and shadows and truly the light I’ve seen, found and experienced despite it is a testament to us as humans and our ability to live and heal. Our profound ability to be resilient, adapt and a testament to how deeply we can love. Ten years ago my whole life was turned upside down when I had just turned twenty when I lost my dad to bowel cancer. The pain, heartache and suffering that followed were some of the hardest moments of my life yet at the same time beautiful seeds of hope, purpose and light were planted in the darkest of moments.

    In this episode I am sharing 10 unlearning I’ve had after losing my dad 10 years ago. Unlearning doesn’t mean dismissing or erasing the memory or significance of loss nor does it mean forgetting. Unlearning is about authenticity, adapting and navigating to the reality that is post loss, processing ways to cope and grieve as well as honouring one’s emotions associated with loss and grief. Unlearning involves adapting to the new reality, finding ways to cope, and gradually shifting one’s relationship with the emotions associated with grief.

    Disclaimer: Trigger Warning; Episode talks about death, depression, suicide, shadow work

    Grief is bad and means something is broken

    The learning: Grief is negative and something to be fixed.

    The unlearning: Grief isn’t negative or something to be fixed, it doesn’t need to be repressed but expressed and honoured. Grief is a journey to be navigated.

    Grief is not something to be ashamed of, grief does not need to be hidden. We’re conditioned to view sadness as an inconvenience, a disruption to our otherwise “normal” lives. The truth is, grief is a complex and individual process that cannot be neatly packaged into a one-size-fits-all. When we just label grief as negative, it’s a blanket assumption and we are overlooking the profound growth and resilience that can emerge from facing loss head-on. Grief isn’t a sign something is broken if anything it’s a sign it’s all working, we are human, we feel, we connect, it is an inevitable part of life.

    So why do we often see grief as a problem to be fixed? Society’s discomfort with the unknown, the unpredictable, the uncontrollable, plays a significant role. We are attuned to instant gratification and quick fixes and instant gratification, leaving little room for space and life unfolding at it’s own place that we cannot control or change. It’s toxic positivity, that it isn’t okay to be in a less than happy or perfect space.

    Acknowledging grief as a natural response to loss, we create space for healing and self-discovery. Trying to suppress or eliminate grief only perpetuates the misconception that vulnerability is a weakness, hindering the natural progression toward acceptance. Imagine growing up where grief is as normal as happiness. Where grief is as openly demonstrated and shown as happiness. 

    People mean well when they grief won’t last forever, everything will be okay, they want you to be happy, to keep pushing and moving forward but when you’re in the thick of grief you are craving acknowledgement of what’s happened rather than solutions and repair. It’s the validation and recognition something painful and traumatic has happened that will forever change your life. It’s the acknowledgement an integral part in the journey of life has taken place. Grief plays a part in the fairytale and dream. You can experience grief and still have a dream life or “fairytale ending” if you will.

    Grief is mental: thoughts and perspective

    The learning: Grief is to be processed mentally.

    The unlearning: It’s so important to grieve in your body.

    In traditional Chinese medicine (TCM), the concept of organs extends beyond their physiological functions to include emotional and energetic aspects. Each organ is believed to be associated with specific emotions, and the lungs are linked to grief. The lungs are the seat of grief where grief is stored. It feels like the tightening of the chest, or it’s hard to breathe, or shallow quick breathing. It’s when it’s hard to breathe slowly and deeply. Other symptoms which may indicate grief in the lungs: coughing, allergies, a tendency for or constant colds and flus, respiratory symptoms, weakness in voice, voice loss, chest congestion, bronchitis as examples. The partner organ of the lungs is also the large intestine so anything related to bowel and digestion issues can also indicate stored grief such as indigestion, constipation, difficulty or pain going to the bathroom signifying ‘difficulty to letting go’ – physically and emotionally. 

    Now off the bat, I want to make it clear that this is from a holistic, spiritual perspective taking into account the mind, body, spirit connection. I personally advocate traditional and modern medicine working together. Please use your discernment and I always say to experiment and try to see if this is true and resonates with you and your body.

    Given this line of thinking, breathwork can assist with processing, moving and shifting grief. I did an Instagram reel visually showing the meridian points you can gently press on whilst breathing in and then release as you breathe out. It’s essentially underneath your collar bones so the way to do it almost looks initially like a soothing hug — sweet right?

    Grief is mental: thoughts and perspective

    The learning: Grief is to be processed mentally.

    The unlearning: It’s so important to grieve in your body.

    In traditional Chinese medicine (TCM), the concept of organs extends beyond their physiological functions to include emotional and energetic aspects. Each organ is believed to be associated with specific emotions, and the lungs are linked to grief. The lungs are the seat of grief where grief is stored. It feels like the tightening of the chest, or it’s hard to breathe, or shallow quick breathing. It’s when it’s hard to breathe slowly and deeply. Other symptoms which may indicate grief in the lungs: coughing, allergies, a tendency for or constant colds and flus, respiratory symptoms, weakness in voice, voice loss, chest congestion, bronchitis as examples. The partner organ of the lungs is also the large intestine so anything related to bowel and digestion issues can also indicate stored grief such as indigestion, constipation, difficulty or pain going to the bathroom signifying ‘difficulty to letting go’ – physically and emotionally. 

    Now off the bat, I want to make it clear that this is from a holistic, spiritual perspective taking into account the mind, body, spirit connection. I personally advocate traditional and modern medicine working together. Please use your discernment and I always say to experiment and try to see if this is true and resonates with you and your body.

    Given this line of thinking, breathwork can assist with processing, moving and shifting grief. I did an Instagram reel visually showing the meridian points you can gently press on whilst breathing in and then release as you breathe out. It’s essentially underneath your collar bones so the way to do it almost looks initially like a soothing hug — sweet right?

    Grief looks a certain way

    The learning: A good griever looks a certain way.

    The unlearning: There are no prizes for being the griever that appears to and suffers the most, grief doesn’t have a universal appearance; it isn’t just crying, grief can also look like being on holiday or celebration.

    Grief is so personal and different for every individual. You don’t have to be the matyr that appears to be sad and suffering all the time. Stereotypically when we visually think of grief we see crying, sadness, and depression. Some people react differently. 

    Grief doesn’t look a certain way. Some may express their sorrow openly, while others may internalise their emotions. Some people may do it publicly and others in private.

    There is no “right” or “wrong” way to grieve. At times it’s silent tears or screaming in rage and frustration. Other times it may be laughing and jovial as you reminisce on fond memories and good times. You can be grieving and still show up.

    It’s interesting too how different cultures grieve, some see it as a mourning and loss whilst others celebrate life in a joyful manner.’

    I think about how when I first lost my dad yes tears upon tears but I also did put on a happy face at times and even though I was smiling and laughing, deep down I was still sad and grieving. Some years across the decade that’s been, I cry and other times I don’t shed any tears but I’m still feeling a lot within.

    Don't love again because you'll lose...

    The learning: After grief you fear love and loss.

    The unlearning: Its okay to lose and be scared of loving deeply again but don’t let that stop you.

    You have this phase of yolo inspired and maybe at some point the fear of loss creeps in again because you’re scared to lose because maybe it will be too difficult. Realise that can be traced to the fear of vulnerability which is necessary in forming meaningful connections. It’s grappling the anxiety of what it means to emotionally invest again after loss because you are terrified of separation through death or something come to an end again. It’s the mental game and anticipation of intense pain which can lead you to adopt a guarded walls up approach.

    Love and loss after death can hinder connection or you can let it enrich your life. Love is magical. It is worth the pain, sadness and inevitable end in one way because of how much joy and fulfilment it can bring. Love compels us to do beautiful, crazy, amazing things. Loss is inevitable but it doesn’t have to overshadow the beauty and transformative power of love. Impermanence can be embraced. Nothing lasts forever and that’s duality: good and bad. 

    Being 'normal again' after the loss of a loved one

    The learning: You should go back to who you were before grief.

    The unlearning: After grief is a different you, there is ‘no normal’ and that’s more than okay.

    Grief forces us to confront the fragility of life and the impermanence of our existence. In the face of loss, we are compelled to reevaluate our priorities and focus on what truly matters. This reassessment often leads to a deeper appreciation for the people and experiences that bring meaning and joy into our lives. Grief helps us to be more grateful and mindful. Grief changes what we value and how we view life.

    Grief prompts you to re-evaluate who you are, I mean how can you be the same after a traumatic life changing event? Ultimately I personally think grief made me a better person. You become more attuned to the suffering of others and a deepened capacity to feel and have empathy. You value relationships more: you never know when it will be the last time you see or speak to someone. 

    Happiness is a sign of progress after grieving

    The learning: A sign of progress is being happy and joyful again.

    The unlearning: Heartbreak, feeling and crying are signs of progress too.

    The ability to feel everything, rather than solely pursuing happiness after death again, is a hallmark of progress in the grieving journey. In the initial stages of grief, there is an overwhelming intensity: of sadness, despair and sorrow. Progress is to acknowledge and feel these: they are a testament to the journey of feeling your feelings. It’s multifaceted: then in the stages of grief perhaps its anger another complexity dabbled with moments of unexpected joy and laughter despite the grief. The co existence of joy and sorrow. 

    It’s crucial to acknowledge that the goal isn’t merely to be happy again; it’s about truly integrating the experience of loss into one’s life in a way that is authentic, sustainable and meaningful. Society often places a huge emphasis on external markers of progress, such as returning to work, being present in social activities again or returning to activities that you’re known to love. 

    These are positive steps but alot of progress happens internally that can’t necessarily be seen. Eventually they will be but not always immediately. 

    The myth that time heals after the death of a loved one

    The learning: Grief gets better with time.

    The unlearning: Grief changes and reshapes with time.

    Not so much the amount, the pain is the same but you get upset less frequently or triggered

    We grow around it.

    Grief can be like jumping in and out of puddles one day and another you’re in a river stream and it’s hard to get out.

    What is more true to this statement is the journey and process of adapting and integrating. As time passes, you develop new coping mechanisms, insights, understandings and grief changes form. What was once harsh and pronounced can soften and weave in with life itself. 

    Pangs lessen, there is a sense of acceptance, the yearning and longing are less, your thoughts aren’t just dominated by the loss, you are able to hold more: to enjoy being around people again and experiencing life.

    Grief is a one time thing

    The learning: You go through grief once and it’s done.

    The unlearning: Grief involves revisiting it.

    It’s not resolved in one go, things pop up back. Grief is not a one-time or one-off event but a complex and recurring experience that unfolds over the course of your life. Many people mistakenly believe that once they navigate through the pain of loss, they have completed the grieving process. However, grief is a dynamic, layered and evolving experience. It’s impact can resurface in various forms at different stages and moments in life. 

    I thought well I had delayed grief so I essentially then grieved for another year and surely that’s done right? No. Grief over my dad would come back during birthdays, milestones anniversaries, holidays and random unexpected seemingly average mundane ordinary days. 

    Grief’s recurrence is not an indication of an inability to move on or a lack of progress; rather, it highlights the ongoing nature of the human experience.

    These moments serve as opportunities for reflection and provide an opportunity to revisit grief as the familiar visitor that it is. 

    Grief needs to be processed at the time of death

    The learning: Grief has to be processed at the moment of the death

    The unlearning: It’s never too late to process grief 

    For many the death of a loved one is an overwhelming and surreal life experience. In an ideal world yes you would process it in the lead up (should you have had the opportunity) and in the moment but life isn’t perfect. Even in my own case, I had delayed onset grief symptoms a year later. I repressed the grief and became numb because it was too overwhelming, I didn’t know what to do. A tidal wave of loss and all the feelings, so many I couldn’t really decipher and unpack each one. I was unable to process such a huge shock to the system at that time as the person I was. I repressed grief and ignored it because I needed to survive in the day to day. There’s delayed grief such as in this instance but with clients I’ve also seen unresolved grief where someone has not fully come to terms with the loss, perhaps denying reality and continual yearning that impacts their day to day living. Another layer to grief can be disenfranchised grief where one doesn’t feel like it’s acceptable to openly grieve for example death by suicide, premature loss of a baby.

    We all know if answer oh I’m fine… Fine is ‘Feelings Inside Not Expressed.’ Emotions do not adhere to a strict timeline to be processed. Grief is not a linear experience with a fixed endpoint; rather, it is a fluctuating and evolving journey. At any point you can revisit grief and with time you process it in different ways having accumulate life experiences, perspectives with a different mindset, emotional capacity.

    Maybe you’ll look back and realise when the triggers are sharp, hey maybe I haven’t fully healed. Maybe I did some healing at the time and I wasn’t ready until now to face the full magnitude of the grief that is. Know that it’s never too late. 

    Grief and death are meaningless

    The learning: You think the pain and grief are useless.

    The unlearning: Your pain and grief isn’t wasted, it adds more to your life.

    We deem pain and grieving as negative, it’s seen as an unwanted aspect of the human experience yet both pain and grieving can play play a profound and meaningful role in life.

    They are natural responses and are manifestations of the deep emotional connections we form with others. The intensity of our sorrow is a testament to the significance of the bonds we share with those we have lost. Grief is a paradox in itself, harrowing, haunting yet beautiful at the same time. Grief, in all its rawness, cracks us open to the depths of how much we can feel, the fragility and non guarantee of life and the resilience of being human.  

    Through grief we can gain purpose and meaning to life, to embrace it in all of its fullest to not just be alive but truly live. For some like me, it was the catalyst leading to what I eventually do now as a life coach but that doesn’t mean you have to. You could or it could simply be from your experiences being able to comfort and support someone else going through grief. It’s your ability to be able to connect and understand to a degree what someone else is going through. A sense of unity despite adversity. 

    Death is final

    The learning: They’re gone forever.

    The unlearning: They truly are there with you.

    For me it’s that obvious angle from a spiritual energetic perspective. Signs and symbols take on new meanings. For many it could be an animal, a song, a symbol like a feather or flower, lights flickering and electronics misbehaving, dreams, coincidences, synchronicities. You can talk to their spirit.

    That aside whether you believe it or not, the legacy of a loved one transcends the physical realm. They live on: in the stories we share, the traditions we uphold, and the values we carry forward. Their presence becomes a part of us in our identity, in our heart. It could be a piece of advice or a recipe passed down. They inspire you and others on how they lived and the kind of person they were. We can have rituals such as in Asian culture we leave out meals for loved ones who have passed or light candles and incense.

    Their impact in our lives is not forgotten whether it was a kind act they did or the remembrance of their favourite song.

    This wraps up today’s episode on 10 unlearning on grief I’ve had, 10 years after losing my dad. Unlearning is all about shedding societal expectations, debunking myths, and allowing for a more authentic and compassionate experience of loss. The journey unlearning grief is an ongoing one that is all about self compassion, patience and leaning into, feeling and embracing our emotions, all part of the amazing thing we have called life.

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  • 54: Finding Magic in the Mundane

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    In this episode Phi takes you through the alchemy and transformative art of  discovering magic in the mundane. She shares personal stories, insights, and practical tips for embracing the enchantment hidden within the everyday. It’s what makes the ordinary, extraordinary. The familiar fresh. To see the beauty and be mindful in your life.

    Resources from today's episode

    Work with Phi

    What is discussed: Finding the Magic in the Mundane

    • Practical tips and strategies to cultivate and discover the magic in the mundane, the extraordinary in the ordinary.
    • Things become extraordinary when we give them our full attention. Paying attention with purpose, the things we can take for granted.
    • Simple meditations you can do in everyday life moments to bring out more magic.
    • Different approaches and perspectives to unlocking the magic within yourself and the world around you.
    • The secrets to what actually makes up the magic in our lives that can easily be missed or forgotten…

    Finding the Magic in the Mundane Episode Transcript

    Hello beautiful soul!

    Today’s episode is all about finding the extraordinary in the ordinary – making the mundane magical. It was inspired by recently having attended a few tea ceremonies. I had one of those ‘aha’ moments because for me usually tea is made in a rush whether it’s in between meetings and in a way can be mindless and automated. Boil the kettle. Get the cup. Put the tea bag in. Pour in water. Even times I forget about the tea in the first place or I’ve left it too long. I’m not really thinking deeply about the tea you know? It’s just tea, or so I thought. 

    The Magic of Tea Ceremonies

    This is in contrast to attending a 45 minute ceremony with tea being the heart of it. It was an art. Every step was conscious, deliberate from the choice of tea to boiling the water. The environment set up to be serene, calming: beautiful bowls, traditional tea utensils, calming music.

    A tea ceremony involves a choreographed set of movements, precise measurements of tea level and water ratio, and a deep appreciation for the process it takes to make tea. Tea went from a simple drink to a profound meditative experience. It was sensuous: watching it unfold, tasting the tea and the different layers of flavour, the aroma of the tea, the warmth that comes from holding the cup, the temperature as the tea hits your tongue, feeling the steam billowing in your face, hearing the sounds around.

    The slow, deliberate pace of a tea ceremony was a stark difference to the fast-paced nature of our daily lives. In the mundane, I saw and felt magic. It’s the concept of elevating the everyday into something sacred, something meaningful. In my example it was tea but can you imagine this approach to your morning workout or even making breakfast? 

    An attitude of Awe

    Have you ever noticed how the simple, everyday moments have a way of slipping through the cracks of our attention? We’re often so caught up in the hustle and bustle of life that we forget to see the beauty that surrounds us even in the ordinary. Even the simplest of things. Like it’s pretty amazing that with a click of a button you can create fire or turn on light! 

    Things become extraordinary when we give them our full attention. Pay attention with purpose, the things we can take for granted. Recently at my partner’s place there was a blackout and we were in total darkness – it was strange, we were so used to electricity. It really took the absence of it for us to notice. Electricity is the norm and expected. What about sunrises and sunsets? Just because I know the sun will rise and go down again, does that make it any less of a miracle? As W.B Yeats says, “The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.”

    Savouring the Magic in the Mundane

    What about the idea of savouring something? I really think that about food, gosh if I’m eating something delicious I have the instinct to devour it. I want to gobble it all down, I want more more more that I suddenly am no longer in it and before you know it, it’s all gone. Making it a meditation in savouring. Being mindful and conscious of eating. Setting an intention of gratitude to all the energy, time and effort in the ingredients of my meal: what went in to grow, harvest and prepare it. Taking small bites. Chewing. Pausing in between bites. 

    Child like Wonder and Magic

    It’s approaching the world like a child again. Nothing is overlooked. Everything is exciting, captivating. I love the innocence of children, like realising my nephew who just turned one didn’t love the expensive gifts and toys but got so much out of even the box it came in or a simple sensory caterpillar toy. Children have boundless enthusiasm because everything becomes fascinating, as they find joy in the simplest of things—their reflection in the mirror, a fluttering butterfly or seeing animals in the form of clouds. They remind us that magic isn’t just in fairytales or movies, it’s through a lens in which we choose to see the world.

    Inspired by children, cultivating curiosity can unlock a sense of wonder and magic in the mundane. The wonders of the familiar. They ask questions. They don’t assume. It’s the realisation that every seemingly routine, boring details can hold a universe of intrigue and beauty, inviting us to see the extraordinary in the ordinary, and to find enchantment in the most unassuming parts of our daily lives. Can we invite ourselves to be more creative, to let our imaginations take over even if just for a moment. It’s what turns a normally tedious and boring wait in line into something magical. Allow your thoughts to roam. Give them free rein and see where they take you. Can you be transported into the magic from the mundane whether it’s listening to music, engrossed in a book you can’t put down or allowing yourself to be fully immersed in a movie? With this time ceases to exist. We become fully present. 

    Play unlocks the Magic in the Mundane

    Play is something else that brings magic into our lives. A theme I’ve noticed in client sessions as of late is taking life very seriously and being constricted by serious things: we know, got to work for money, got to clean the house, got to make dinner and all of that but even for a few minutes in a day can you be silly? Can you have a laugh?

    Can you embrace more of the unknown and unexpected? Changing things up may lead to an adventure or a chance meeting. Something insignificant could have a lot of significance for example you going to get the groceries, yeah boring but maybe you’ll have a chance meeting with someone you’ll fall in love with or become best friends with, maybe you’ll run into someone you haven’t seen in years. If it’s not happening to you maybe you’ll be privileged to witness it! A random act of kindness such as paying it forward. Who knows! Anything could happen if you’re open to it. I mean think of synchronicities, signs, and even angel numbers! Magic. How can you not believe in magic, miracles and manifestations with things that are beyond ‘coincidence’ indeed the magic of energy and intuition.

    Play unlocks the Magic in the Mundane

    Part of breaking the mundane makes it magical and this is fresh hot off when my partner and I had the day off. Life’s been busy, it’s that chaotic end of year and personally I’ve been really tired. On my day off if I had it my way was to take it really easy, relax and sleep in — that’s what I’ve been doing as of late. My boyfriend surprised me by waking us up at 3:30am for an adventure. My mind was going oh I just want to sleep, do we have to? My mind racing with thoughts and responsibilities: I had also planned to record this podcast earlier but I hadn’t got around to it because it’s been a full week of clients.

    We would end up having an epic full day from sunrise to sunset which he fully planned and executed: doing a hike up the coast to see the sun rise, spending the day at the beach which included my favourite ocean swims and I did manage to get a nap in, he did a bbq at the beach and finishing the day with a refreshing drink at a beautiful venue. When I first got up a part of me was like ehhhh do I really want to do this? The mundane was doing the ordinary and I guess that part of me that wanted to do the ‘responsible’ thing to catch up on sleep and do the podcast but the magic happened by embracing a different day which when I think about it is everything I wanted in a relationship so I had to get out of my own way to let the magic happen! 

    So on that break routines, if it’s not physically is through the mind.     It’s challenging ourselves to see something with familiar eyes with a fresh set. Perhaps challenging ourselves to see it from a different perspective or an unfamiliar way. Roald Dahl’s quote sums it up nicely; “And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don’t believe in magic will never find it.” 

    Being interconnected is magical

    What about the magic of being interconnected, belonging to something bigger, it’s that same feeling when you look up at the stars and almost feel so small and big at the same time. We are connected to Mother Earth. We are connected to the sea. We are connected to the trees. We are connected to each other, to animals, to life force itself. “There’s a flame of magic inside every stone & every flower, every bird that sings & every frog that croaks. There’s magic in the trees & the hills & the river & the rocks, in the sea & the stars & the wind, a deep, wild magic that’s as old as the world itself. It’s in you too, my darling girl, and in me, and in every living creature, be it ever so small. Even the dirt I’m sweeping up now is stardust. In fact, all of us are made from the stuff of stars.” – Kate Forsyth

    The most magical of all? Love

    In that same vein love is magical. When we are filled from it within and extend it out, there’s a radiance to it, a light, a glow. I mean it always somehow comes back to love doesn’t it? Love is the essence of magic. Love is connection, Love is a lens in which to see this world. It’s your love that elevates an experience. Something as simple as holding hands is magic. Looking into someone’s eyes is magic. Feeling this profound sense of love for someone is magic. Love cannot be explained. Love is not logical. Love is magic because it transforms. Love is of it’s own kind, it’s own mystery, it’s own magic. Is it not magic simply the fact that we exist? That we have consciousness and the capacity to be aware of this all and to take it in? 

    That concludes today episodes beautiful souls, I hope that what you take away from this is that there’s magic in the simplest and smallest of things. You are surrounded by magic even in the mundane. Can you keep the magic alive or at least find it in one moment of your day, everyday for the rest of your life? How beautiful that would be… until next time beautiful soul. 

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  • 53: Kim Tran-Flores of Kimlligraphy

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    Today’s episode features Kim Tran-Flores of Kimlligraphy who is a Modern Calligraphy artist and mindfulness advocate. She is a 1/3 Manifesting Generator with an Emotional Authority. This is a raw, vulnerable and beautiful episode where Kim shares her journey as an ‘unexpected artist’ without a creative bone in her body to becoming a businesswoman in a world that underestimated her and becoming a mother (conceiving, miscarriages and all).

    Resources from today's episode

    Kim Tran-Flores

    Phi

    Episode Summary

    Hi Beautiful Souls, on today’s episode we have Kim Tran-Flores, a Modern Calligraphy artist, mindfulness advocate and founder of Kimlligraphy – a service and educational platform that showcases and demonstrates the transformative power of Mindful Modern Calligraphy.

    She is an ‘unexpected artist,’ in her own words as someone growing up who didn’t have a creative bone in her body. Inspired by her grandfather whose life was cut short, Kim embarked on a transformative journey to become the woman she is today whose mission is to empower busy women, alleviating stress, nurturing the present moment, and igniting their creativity. Along the way she’s won multiple awards such as recently this year being a recipient of the Fairfield City Women’s Day Award. Her mission

    Kim and I met at a networking event and the rest is history as they say. Kim is also a wife and beautiful mother of one, Hendrix (he is so sweet and my mum is absolutely obsessed with him). I personally attended one of her workshops earlier this year with my mum incorporating mindfulness with calligraphy and painting which we loved and really brought us closer together. 

    Enjoy today’s episode! 

    What we discuss

    • How Kim got into calligraphy
    • Kim’s journey (not going to university and leaving the corporate world)
    • Her fertility journey including trying to conceive, miscarriages, considering IVF and how calligraphy helped
    • Her upbringing as an Asian woman
    • How being a mother has changed her and being labelled, boxed in as a mother
    • Navigating relationships with important women (parenting styles and advice) in her life (her mother and mother in law)
    • Her relationship with her husband Mark Flores such as navigating having different religions and being with a more ‘conscious’ man

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  • 52: Ellie Simpson Virtual House

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    On today’s episode we have my virtual assistant Ellie Simpson! She is a 5/1 manifesting generator with an emotional authority in human design. 

    Ellie runs Virtual House a high-end virtual assistance agency specialising in administrative & creative support. Virtual House’s mission is to help powerful women in business get back the time they deserve. 

    Resources from today's episode

    Episode Summary

    The questions I put to Ellie are as follows;

    • In your own words, what does a virtual assistant do?
    • When would someone need a virtual assistant and who are your ideal clients?
    • How did you get into the world of virtual assisting?
    • What’s the top advice you will give to newbies if they are interested in being a virtual assistant?
    • Side hustle full time – how did you know when it was the right time?
    • What’s the best advice has ever given you about being a virtual assistant?
    • What are the most helpful resources that have helped you along the way?
    • What’s a common myth or misunderstanding about virtual assistants?
      What is the most crucial traits and skills someone needs to posses in your role and to help them succeed?

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  • You are your power

    You can't stop your thoughts

    You can’t stop your thoughts.

    You melt the resistance you feel when trying to control something that is uncontrollable.

    That is your power...

    The issue at heart here is your resistance to your thoughts and trying to get rid of them.

    It doesn’t matter what you do, you cannot control or get rid of your thoughts!

    It’s up to you to choose who is there to meet the thoughts.

    That is your power 🦋✨ 🤝 🧠

    📖 The Great Unlearning by Phi Dang

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  • 51: The Unlearnings of 2 years in business

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    Celebrating 2 years full time in her own business as a life coach, Phi shares insights on what she’s had to unlearn in here journey.

    Get ready for a thought-provoking discussion on how unlearning has become a crucial mindset and skill in navigating the ever-changing world of business and personal development. 

    Resources from today's episode

    Episode Introduction

    Hi Beautiful Soul, welcome to this week’s Grow Through It Podcast Episode and in exciting news I wanted to share at the beginning of this month November 2023, I crossed over the line of having my own business as a full time life coach for 2 years now. 

    I’ve been busy (hello manifesting generator with the channel of charisma and power) as well as hibernating (that’s my 2 profile line) and I’ve finally had an intentional week of slowing down, nourishment, rejuvenation and pause to reflect and take this in! 

    It’s been so nice to reflect and I did my best to capture 2 years in an 11 second reel on Instagram but that’ll never do it justice! Watching it made me smile for all the amazing moments. 

    Rages & Riches: Scarcity and Abundance

    Even though its been a couple of weeks hitting that milestone it still feels so surreal especially thinking of my second year in business and trust me it’s been a rollercoaster. In the second year so much has happened. I’ve had wobbly moments where I was very scarce and tight on money just barely paying for my expenses contrasted with the biggest months in my business in overflow of abundance. 

    I was reflecting with some girlfriends last night how at one point earlier this year we went to dinner and I didn’t eat because I was on a tight budget so for a month or two I remember I was eating at home before going out with friends, I didn’t drink and what not to now the contrast of having excitingly bought a new dyson vacuum, previously paying for a retreat in instalments and now paying for it in full with overseas flights and upgraded seats next year and had a big birthday month of spending. For my birthday I had never spent so much in my life for individual things such as the dress I wore was $450, my nails cost $150, blow dry $200, cake $200 and so fourth.

    Clients, book and podcast

    https://www.amazon.com.au/Great-Unlearning-Awakening-Aligned-Authentic/dp/0645344494In terms of clients I’ve had lean months the first in a long time but also contrasted by seeing the most clients I ever have in my business whether it be in a day, month, year or quarter. I think despite it all whilst a lot has unfolded for me personally over the last 2 years whether it’s quitting my corporate job, relationship changes, moving homes it’s been really grounding to have my business as the most stable core in my life: the essence of what I do and being able to return to my grander purpose which is to make the world a better place and help people live their best lives: at peace, happy and soul fulfilled. Really trusting and returning to that in moments of fear, doubt, worry has been humbling and gratifying. 

    On June 23rd this year I released my debut book The Great Unlearning: Awakening to Living an Aligned and Authentic Life which was a year and a half journey in the making and two years from the idea of the book conceived whilst I was side hustling as a coach and full time in my corporate career landing a book deal, writing the book and editing process. The excitement as it hit #1 in Amazon for particular categories in Australia and did well in the top 3 or was it 5 in the US too, trending domestically on Booktopia when it first released too.

    This has also been the year of being a guest on other podcasts such as with Georgie Stevenson on Rise & Conquer and I’m really feeling the desire to consistently do more podcasting on my own here on The Grow Through It podcast too. I’ve been so fortunate to travel extensively this year for personal reasons such as going back to my ancestral roots and lineage on my mum’s side in Vietnam and work including recording my talk unlearning and unbecoming through writing with Janelle Hardy for Day 2: Taking the lid off grief and rage the Healing Through Writing Festival from a gorgeous 5 star retreat in Bali, visiting clients and doing in person coaching and business sessions and what’s been really exciting is working with business teams in terms of planning, strategy, energetics and human design of course. 

    I was reflecting with some girlfriends last night how at one point earlier this year we went to dinner and I didn’t eat because I was on a tight budget so for a month or two I remember I was eating at home before going out with friends, I didn’t drink and what not to now the contrast of having excitingly bought a new dyson vacuum, previously paying for a retreat in instalments and now paying for it in full with overseas flights and upgraded seats next year and had a big birthday month of spending. For my birthday I had never spent so much in my life for individual things such as the dress I wore was $450, my nails cost $150, blow dry $200, cake $200 and so fourth.

    Client results and testimonials

    The growths and changes in the clients I work with has been so incredibly rich and rewarding in year 2, my heart feels all warm and fuzzy and I get teary thinking about it. The biggest trends I’ve seen with my clients are working more with entrepreneurs or people wanting to start their own business, younger women starting their personal growth and development journeys at 18-24 (hats off to you, I can only imagine how different my life would’ve been having the tools, mindset and support from a coach in my early 20s vs starting later), beautiful mamas navigating life in all facets and in particular getting to the core of their identity and self outside being a mother, couples (a lot of work coaching couples, reconciliation or transitioning to a conscious uncoupling) and men — at one point this year half my clients were males aged between 28-47. Moreover this year has been deeply intense work in terms of the feminine: sensuality, sexuality, slowing down, embracing cycles whether moon or menstrual and womb healing.

    To name a few of the amazing achievements in year 2 so far, clients that I have in e-commerce and manufacturing have doubled their revenue since I’ve started working with them and I’ve also seen clients break through income plateaus and receive pay rises and promotions. Clients have fallen in love (yay) and met a significant other whilst working together. Clients have left jobs and religions that are no longer in alignment with them and sought out more soul fulfilling and gratifying paths. Clients have moved homes and countries and started a new chapter in their life. Clients have broken familial and ancestral patterns and chains holding them back in particular being that support person for the family at their own expense. Clients have moved past and healed from heartbreak and break ups. Clients have reconciled in important relationships whether romantic, friends or family. 

    Honestly I could go on, so much has happened and I can’t even do it justice talking about it because when I hear from clients about how they’ve grown and changed so much, talking about how they can’t even put a price on their transformations it’s truly mind blowing and blows the water on what one think can logically happen when you work and invest in yourself.

    Phi celebrates 2 years in business

    In honour of this 2 year milestone, I thought I would share a few musings of what I’ve had to unlearn in my journey thus far particularly in my second full year of running my own business…

    I don’t know why I had so much resistance to recording this episode: I felt bad for missing a week of podcasting last week with personal things arising to the surface and so ultimately I’m preaching done is better than perfect! Knowing why I want to do the podcast, it’s not about me it’s about you the listener.

    Freedom in your own business full time

    Having your own business means complete freedom and so you’ll be happy all the time – I would say for the most part it really is true!

    I have to say one of the best parts is not having to be bound by a certain time to wake up and hear that pesky alarm. It’s true being able to go on holiday whenever you want, being able to work from anywhere you want — that’s a dream! Being able to set your own schedule and shuffle it around for appointments or to help out friends and family is a blessing too. 

    Not forgetting freedom in terms of this poignant point that remember why you started your business and personally for me one of the driving factors  was freedom. So I always come back to applying that principle – I get to do business my way and forge my own path. I get to show up in a way that I want to not what the industry standard/expectation is or what some person online says. 

    I have found my flow in creating content I really love which is writing turned into a book this year (The Great Unlearning) and at the moment online reels, in turn clients are able to find me to do 1:1 coaching and human design readings despite not actually ever posting content about that. Logically one may say it doesn’t make sense but hey it works for me! 

    Again it’s not about this method working for you but the core message is give yourself full permission to do business and run your business in a way that lights you up and really excites you, that feels really good in your soul. I think that’s coming up for me next year, now I’m less in ‘survival’ mode in business and serious, how can I have more fun and pure joy that tingles up my sacral in true manifesting generator magic?

    Change is a part of life and business, I remember everyone saying you have to be on TikTok but again my main platform is Instagram and I’m still getting my work out there and having clients without necessarily having to follow trends, pay for advertising and show my face all the time. Although I’ve definitely pivoted and done more reels because I love having the visual and audio aspect accompany my words. I want someone to see a piece of content and really feel the message I am conveying in all senses. 

    Gratitude vs guilt in business full time

    Intertwined with this all, is a deep genuine to the core, heart and soul feeling of being really grateful that you are able to do what you love everyday. I think that’s why you don’t hear many people talking about the downsides to running your own business at least for me I feel a resistance because it’s like I should be so grateful you know? It’s also that whole everyone wants the success but don’t realise that with it comes other things too: as I always say new level, new devil.

    Loneliness in business and entrepreneurship

    Such as life, no matter who you are, how much money you have, how much personal development work you do and what you do — it’s not always happy! I have definitely struggled with bouts of loneliness and I’m a natural hermit too. Especially the beginning of this year where everything was perfect on paper yet I live by myself, work by myself and was single. It was exacerbated as I live at the beach known to be it’s own bubble and the majority of my friends live half an hour to an hour’s drive away. I was humbled by a friend who reminded me it was my choice to live at the beach as I could also easily live closer to my friends in the suburbs. It’s true I value the beach lifestyle and environment so much, it’s the glitter for my soul.

    There was no where to hide by just throwing myself into work so I really spent the beginning of this year in contemplation and making the most of the time I have alone. It taught me to put more of an effort in to connect with people whether driving to see friends or really savouring a conversation at my local cafe or a kind stranger walking by at the beach because apart from clients at time was my one piece of personal interaction for the day!

    Not everyone has the same lifestyle as you so therefore even though I can work anywhere from the world, I’ll likely be by myself unless a friend and partner can take that time off work for example. You can go the beach at 2:30pm on a Wednesday but not many people you know will be able to unless their circumstances are similar. You can work overseas for 2-3 months straight, again doesn’t mean your partner can too.

    The things you think about and experience again will be different for example the way you approach money and investments. One of your main interests naturally will be your business and the nature of business: growth and the pains that come with it. You’ll be questioning “do people get me?” 

    I’m the first in my friend group to have my own business, so it’s quite an adventure on your own and wondering do other people experience this or feel that way? The answer is yes! The absence of colleagues or a team makes it important to find community in the day to day and have a support network. 

    With success I also found it interesting to see who have been the people that have supported me from day 1 vs now especially when I released my book I found it interesting people from my past that suddenly reappeared again acting all friendly when I hadn’t heard from some of them for at least 5 years!

    Less proving, more being, living, working an presence

    Feeling less of the need to prove myself. I used to feel the need to be online 24/7 showing off being achievements or luxurious purchases/holidays. It could be the fact I have a 2 profile line hermit yet nowadays I like to keep some things private and sacred for myself. I don’t feel as though I need to post all the time my successes and testimonials because I’m grateful to have built my business that the work speaks for itself and the majority of clients I get are from referrals or content I put out online. 

    I feel at peace but of course you still have the shaky moments from time to time where you fear oh my gosh what if I don’t have enough money as an example but that happens less now, it’s like my brain can now logically click well it’s been 2 years and I’ve been doing this full time without a need to get a second job or a casual job for sustainable income. 

    In saying that achieving things, it can be so easy to tick it off and move onto the next. It’s so important to celebrate yourself and hitting achievements and milestones. This year I really allowed myself to do that financially as well as with taking time off. I really went all in on celebrating with my book launch earlier this June, having a month in Bali and Vietnam and throwing a huge party for my birthday in October. It can be big celebrations but I also had the practice of celebrating solo with Uber Eats and a kombucha on the couch too.

    Don't be afraid to spend money

    Hence the next unlearning: Don’t be afraid to spend money. I feel that the initial first few years of business even now still the majority of money is being reinvested back into myself and the business in terms of scaling, growing and expanding. It’s true what they say spending money to earn money of course getting to that sweet spot. My money mindset has rapidly expanded because have you ever noticed that rich people keep spending money? They don’t stop and hoard. That’s what people do with less money and a poverty mindset. The richer get rich because they invest… whether that’s in stocks, property, other businesses, themselves catapulting them to create more money in their existing business by scaling or even starting more businesses. It’s something I’m definitely thinking of doing and looking to in the future whether it’s another service business or an e-commerce one. 

    Just because you can doesn't mean you should

    Just because you can doesn’t mean you should – It’s realising I can do many things and I am good at many things but where does my joy lie? I’m at a point where I can do less jobs in my business, whereas the first year I was the coach, admin, accountant, marketer etc. Where is my effort and energy bests place within my business? What is the opportunity cost of me doing a instead of doing b? What is the cost of me doing something I dread vs love? How do you put a price on that? Financially? Mentally? Physically? Emotionally? More than ever I really value my time, energy and input. 

    Business and boundaries

    This year I’ve had to drop out of plans even though I felt bad because I had to honour my body or mind being tired or just not feeling it or being in the mood for it. I’ve had to have firmer boundaries especially with family, friends or strangers seeking guidance, advice or to pick my brain. I truly honour my clients, prioritise and put them first and give them my all when it comes to my life coaching and intuitive abilities. That put an end to receiving voice notes from people that went from anywhere between 2 to 10 minutes, I simply didn’t have the energy for that after working with clients all day.

    Working with your energy vs against it

    With that I’ve really had to honour my natural working flow and style instead of working against it: it’s taken the majority of the year to come to my conclusion that I have a maximum amount of clients I can see a day with at least 15-30 minutes in between, I do not work weekends and the majority of my work is done during the day, not too early because I love a sleep in now and it takes time for my brain to wake up and not at night where I feel tired and taking into account insights previously where I  was guilty of that one when I was single I would work days and nights but now I have a partner I prioritise our relationship). I was definitely guilty before of putting work before my relationships and perhaps even having a sense of getting complacent or taking it for granted prioritising work you know? 

    Investing in yourself

    2 years in business I can afford to invest more in myself and business and that has resulted in me going on a retreat at the beginning of this year, having just paid for one in India next year as well as being able to have my virtual assistant work more hours to support me in the things that I don’t enjoy such as admin work: reposting my content to my website, sorting out my inbox, scheduling in my calendar. This is an area I continue to identify as something for me to work on as I can really be in the feminine flow and I really crave and need to plan, organise and structure my business. I used to think it slowed me down but I needed to slow down in order to speed up. All of this makes for the second year in more refined, I feel more on top of business and it’s manageable whereas the first year for me was experimenting, trial and error: figuring it out. 

    Consistent mentorship and beginner mindsdet

    Having regular consistent mentorship is a game-changer too, I really honed in on having a mentor for the year consistently which is dedicated time for me to reflect, express myself and access new perspectives or guidance. Once your business is established I find it’s more personal things that I discuss and work on as opposed to necessarily business problems. It’s always refreshing to see things from a different perspective. 

    You don’t know everything and that’s a beautiful thing. I never want to get to a point where I think I know it all. In fact I would prefer to be the beginner in a room and take the most out of speaking with people than being the expert, that’s how I grow the most. Your interactions with people help you to grow, especially in the field I work in, a lot of the times the things i’m coaching a client are resolidfying insights and experiences I have so really adopting all connections and relationships as a valuable mirror and opportunity to grow. 

    Exponential growth vs sustainable growth

    In saying that I think people have this idea your business has to always grow year on year a crazy exponential amount and I’ve come to realise that’s not sustainable or enjoyable (for me at least anyway). My business has undoubtedly grown in it’s second year but part of it is the ebbs and flow. I launched a book and a part of me felt the pressure to do even more however when I tuned in with my soul it said the book is huge, this is enough. You don’t have to do the group coaching program or retreats until next year (hence watch this space!). Just like personal development we need integration time, stabilisation time, like the new norm for me is like it’s okay, I have a consistent stream of clients, I won’t die and run on out of money. I don’t need to show up online all the time to make money. In fact this year I’ve shown up the least and I’m okay! Which comes to another insight yes consistent revenue is important to sustain your business and self especially soothing your nervous system.

    The importance of health and rest

    This was the year I truly understood how much I need to pause, rest, integrate and recharge. Business is a marathon not a sprint. Essentially you are the driving engine and compass of your business. You need to be on top of your energy to have the desire, drive and motivation to keep your business going. This is an area I want to focus on particularly next year consistency in my health: fitness, diet and meditation. Knowing myself when it gets busy I prioritise work and in turn work out less, eat bigger portions for comfort and energy or do the opposite I forget to eat and all I’ve had is a coffee until dinner, meditate less… or I’m so tired I lack the energy and feel lazy: I’m not swimming as much or walking as much — always areas to improve and work on! 

    Purpose and the long haul

    No matter what happens it’ll always come back to this: keep going! The journey is never going to be perfect and you won’t be ‘put together’ all the time. In life naturally challenges and obstacles arise and what I’ve found is that the anxieties and fears in my head, are always worse and scarier than what actually unfolds in reality. 

    I still remember my first day in business and now two years later, the life that I live today is far greater than I envisioned for myself. If you told me where I would be today when I started I would’ve been like what you’re crazy, how!? 

    And that’s thing for me really knowing my own human design, responding to the world, following those intuitive nudges and breadcrumbs to take inspired action step by step has led me here. Knowing I am here because of the me that made decisions despite fear, worry, doubt and insecurity a month ago, six months ago, a year ago, two years ago… 

    If you’re listening with an idea or passion of something to do, this is your sign to go for it, see what happens – it might not work out but what if it did… that is something powerful enough to pursue in itself! Thanks for listening beautiful soul, until next week but in the meantime if you’d like to work with me I offer 1:1 coaching and human design readings. Details on my website phidang.com or message me on Instagram @thephidang. 

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  • Live for today

    Your pain...

    Your pain and wounds need not be ugly.

    Our pain should not stop us.

    Our pain should not make us want to give up life.

    You can be a portal to a deeper and more conscious form of living.

    What you are living for

    We can become distrustful and weary of life because of the hurt we endured in our journey.

    Live for the moments you cannot put into words.

    Live for the kisses that will take your breath away.

    Live for the people you are yet to meet who will change your life.

    Live for the conversations that touch your heart and soul.

    Live for today, here and now, even when times are tough, because there are so many reasons to keep going.

    📖 The Great Unlearning by Phi Dang

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  • Healing is a journey

    Healing is a funny thing

    Healing is a funny thing.

    It can feel slow.

    It can feel as if nothing has changed.

    It can feel like you are doing so much yet so little at the same time.

    It can feel like the dark void, and it can feel like the fullness.

    And then, one day, you’ll realise how far you’ve come.

    You’ll realise that healing isn’t sudden.

    You’ll realise that you’ve been healing the whole time.

    Keep going, because you are healing

    Every step counts whether big or small.

    Healing and recovery aren’t a race so you don’t need a timer.

    There are some things you simply can’t rush. Setbacks happen. That doesn’t mean you won’t heal.

    So keep going, because you are healing ❤️‍🩹

    📖 The Great Unlearning by Phi Dang

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  • To truly be alive…

    On your death bed...

    On your death bed, you won’t wish you’d worked more hours.

    You’ll wish you spent less time working and more time with your loved ones.

    On your death bed, you won’t wish your body was different.

    You will wish you appreciated your body more for its strength and grace.

    On your death bed, you won’t wish you were just like everyone else.

    You will wish you stayed true to yourself and stood out from the masses.

    What you should be afraid of is never truly living…

    To be truly alive...

    What’s scary? To have an unlived life.

    What will it take for you to truly realise life is precious?

    There is no guarantee in life except that you will die. This is death’s greatest gift to us.

    Knowing this is an opportunity to live.

    To truly be alive ❤️‍🔥

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  • 50: Turning 30

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    Phi returns to the podcast and shares super exciting life updates including something very special and spills the tea on what happened during her month away in Vietnam and Bali. 

    As she’s turned 30, she also shares the top 10 juiciest things she had to unlearn in her 20’s to be the happiest in her life she’s ever been.

    Resources from today's episode

    Episode Introduction

    So usually when you turn 30 you see those top 30 things I learnt by 30 or what I wish I knew in my 20’s – but in Phi Dang style, of course I’m going to share the top 10 things I unlearnt by 30 to honour my book The Great Unlearning.

    The book really does capture my 20’s if you’re interested and has 29 full chapters of unlearning. These are my own musings pulling from the book and reflections in this present moment. It’s honestly so hard to pick only 10 so I’m going to tune in and trust my intuition that I’ve chosen these specifically to resonate with you listening to this podcast! 

    1. Timelines

    THE LEARNING 

    There’s a set timeline of key milestones in life you need to achieve in order to be happy and fulfilled. 

    THE UNLEARNING 

    There are no set timelines in life. 

    Truly because I think 30 is one of those ages we build up in our heads and decide we have to get everything done, yet funnily enough the less pressure I put on myself, trusted in my own path and timeline, the more amazing things I’ve achieved unexpectedly. I mean my unexpected biggest month in business happened only a few months before turning 30! Anything can happen.

    Some excerpts from the book to share:

    “Timelines have been mostly imprinted subconsciously on our minds. We seem to be always working towards a timeframe, often speeding towards it. In fact, it’s made us feel like we’re always rushing to hit our next life milestone, whether it’s love, money or career.”

    “The problem is that when we don’t hit these timelines, we feel like failures. We feel like we’re moving slower than those around us and it quickly turns into a crippling game of comparison. It’s important to remember that life isn’t a race and it isn’t a competition.”

    2. Success

    THE LEARNING 

    Success means having money, being in a relationship and at the peak of your career.   

    THE UNLEARNING 

    Success isn’t clear-cut or one size fits all, it’s something you define on your own. 

    The old status symbols for success were a fast car, a big house and millions… billions of dollars.

    The ultimate new flex is freedom, joy and inner peace—to live a life where your soul is pure love and happiness; where your highest self is realised; where your inner child is seen, heard and loved; where you find security in yourself and not others or things. It’s a life that your ancestors would be proud of; a life that’s a dream. Unlearn what you think you know is success and redefine what it means to you. 

    Some excerpts from the book to share:

    “A lot of sayings we know are for a reason and it really is true. You hear it thrown around casually and in all the self-development books that money doesn’t buy you happiness. I would always roll my eyes and think deep down well, maybe not, but I’d rather cry in a mansion and Ferrari, that’s for sure. However, have you ever actually stopped for a moment to consider what your definition of success is and why?”

    “Having had the taste of success, money, status and achievement at the height of my career – something still felt missing. Being in a relationship with what on the outside superficially a handsome man that loved me – something still felt missing. I mean even the bloody beginning of this year everything except a partner – something still felt missing. It had to hit home time and time again, success isn’t what it looks like and what you have. For me it really is a feeling and ultimately that feeling is inner peace, being content and self love. Not only that success is different for everyone, I never thought I could work for myself doing what I love yet again here I am! Success beyond what I thought was possible for me”.

    3. Money

    THE LEARNING 

    Money is hard to make but it will solve all my problems.

    THE UNLEARNING 

    Money doesn’t have to be hard to make, but it won’t solve all your problems either. Wealth is the consciousness of abundance and poverty is the consciousness of lack.

    Do yourself a favour and seriously understand that money is mindset led. Once you can identify and understand your beliefs you can do amazing work to unlearn limiting money beliefs.

    I used to be someone so scarce all the time and hoarding money. Now I don’t even need to check my bank account for purchases. Everything I want, I can afford. Do I buy everything? No because I have different priorities.

    Right now in my life I am in the enjoying phase because why work hard not to harvest the bounty you planted (which is also why I’ve been less online social media and more living life and actually coaching/working with clients).

    What I will also say is that throughout by 20’s I’ve been a lot of debt and I’ve had a lot of money, it continues and will continue to fluctuate. I don’t attach myself so deeply to money, I’m in flow with it, I trust it and somehow always it comes to me in any way!

    I remember being petrified going full time in my business, being afraid I’ll have no money and die. I told myself I can get a part time or casual job to support myself in the worse case scenario… two years later that’s never happened. I’ve always been financially supported by my business.

    4. Having it all

    THE LEARNING 

    You can’t have it all.

    THE UNLEARNING 

    You CAN have it all.

    Seriously here right now in this moment, I have it all. I have everything I desire and dream of. I write in my book The Great Unlearning, We’re conditioned to have things in life as ‘good enough’—good enough sex, good enough money, good enough relationships, good enough jobs. But what about great? What about excellent? In fact, we’re shamed for wanting more—more pleasure, more money, more appreciation.

    We’ve been conditioned to equate wanting more as superficial, dirty and to the detriment of others. We’re told it’s ridiculous to believe we can be an amazing partner, mother and career woman at the same time.

    Our culture celebrates sacrifice through these beliefs: If you want lots of money, you have to work lots. If you want to be successful at work, you have to spend less time with loved ones.’ I say screw that you can.

    At times this changes, everyone’s definition is different, maybe you have the majority of what you want at one moment in time and that flips in another… but for you listening I dare you to not only dream of having it all but know that you can have it all.

    If I can, so can you, why not?

    5. Self-identity

    THE LEARNING 

    You are (insert name). You are (insert number) years old. You are a (insert job here).

    THE UNLEARNING 

    You are a soul having a human experience. Your identity is a costume you wear and you’re the one that gets to decide what that looks like. 

    I think in your 20’s it’s a normal and common experience to question who you are (especially my fellow open g centres in human design). Again through conditioning I felt as if I had to know who I was? But I can say I’ve changed every year in my 20’s leading up to my 30’s.

    I used to identify so much with my material possessions and appearance in my early 20’s then in my mid 20’s to end my career… now I just know who I am and I know I am beyond all of this stuff which is human.

    I’m a soul underneath it all. I honestly didn’t have it figured out for a long time and that’s okay, embrace the unknown and process of figuring it all out in your 20’s.

    So I ask you… Who are you? Who are you really? Are you you because of you or because the world made you this way? Do you know your place in this world? What makes you, you? 

    6. Self love

    THE LEARNING 

    It’s easy to love others but hard to love yourself. 

    THE UNLEARNING 

    What if it’s not about loving yourself but loving being yourself? 

    Self love has evolved rapidly in my 20’s to now being 30. At times even in the book I mention feeling sad and now ultimately having so much compassion for myself in my 20’s in my self love journey.

    I used to be someone who needed to be externally validated especially by men and social media. It’s funny that this year I’ve been on social media less in my business yet incredibly abundant despite changing algorithms too. I’ve been less on social media in personal life and more happier and carefree than ever too. Again not to go to extremes because I also love social media as a conscious tool to connect and help people!

    Something that really made me question things is how I start the Self Love chapter in The Great Unlearning.

    “If I were to ask you to name all the places, things and people you love, I can almost guarantee that your name is last, if it is even on the list at all. It’s about unlearning that self love can’t be bought. It can’t be earned by being pretty, smarter, more successful and so fourth. Self love takes work. Self work is a conscious on going journey”.

    7. Your Thoughts

    THE LEARNING 

    Everything you think is a fact and must be true.

    THE UNLEARNING 

    Your thoughts are not facts, but they do form your reality. 

    A simple game changer for me that really unlevelled my awareness and consciousness.

    At the end of the day, your thoughts are just thoughts. We are conditioned to believe our thoughts should be or need to be a certain way but they don’t. Our minds are great storytellers! 

    8. Happiness

    THE LEARNING 

    You should be happy all the time (everyone else is!).

    THE UNLEARNING 

    You don’t have to be happy all the time. You say you want to be happy but only when you’re a certain way or something in particular has happened in your life. That’s not happiness. That’s self-imprisonment. 

    This stemmed from toxic positivity culture and well-meaning socio-cultural conditioning having been raised Vietnamese Chinese in Australia. It was so freeing to understand it’s okay not to be happy all that time and it’s normal not to be happy all the time.

    Sure, you can chase happiness but really it can’t be bought, caught or obtained. You see, so many people seem to miss that happiness doesn’t suddenly start in the relationship, the job, the degree or money… happiness isn’t an object.

    Which goes in to my next unlearning.

    9. Feelings

    THE LEARNING 

    Feelings are scary and should be avoided at all costs. 

    THE UNLEARNING 

    Feelings aren’t scary. They are what make us human.

    We live in a society that is ruled by the mind. We must do the logical thing. We must analyse it. Feelings have become foreign. We are scared of feelings. Feelings are uncomfortable.

    Again learning my human design was a game changer – I am an emotional authority. We are all built to feel our feelings that’s why we are humans and especially as an emotional authority my soul has been designed and orchestrated to really feel it all as part of my life’s storyline in this lifetime. That yes indeed sensitivity isn’t a curse it’s a superpower and blessing.

    My sensitivity helps me attune to clients energy and channeling to receive messages for them. My sensitivity is beautiful because I get to feel the lowest of lows and highest of highs. The two go hand in hand. Duality.

    Leading to…

    10. Spiritual Breakthroughs

    THE LEARNING 

    Spiritual breakthroughs are sudden epiphanies after dedicated practice and learning.

    THE UNLEARNING 

    Your biggest spiritual breakthroughs won’t be found on a yoga mat or in meditation. You’ll find them through the greatest spiritual practice of all: your life.

    I chose this unlearning to best encapsulate the majority of my life experiences navigating difficult circumstances, tough emotions and moving through mental health whether it be deep grief from losing my dad at 20 or the grief that came with leaving my corporate job even though it was what I wanted, my ego death of who I thought I was before becoming a life coach, the end of a three year relationship, moving out of my dream home at the time that had so many significant memories such being able to afford an apartment by the beach due to a promotion and pay rise in my corporate career, as where I started my side hustle turning business/career, where I first lived with a partner for 3 years.

    My biggest breakthroughs happened in my biggest breakdowns.

    We can know this and still feel how difficult it is because alas the experience of being human.

    The Wrap Up

    This leads to my wrap up in a big beautiful bow because turning 30 coincides with the end of your Saturn Return which is the equivalent of turning 21 spiritually.

    Thus turning 30 this is only the beginning… I’m sure many more unlearning are to come and be shared with you.

    If you are in your 20’s and 30’s wanting help, guidance and support from me I strongly recommend reading my book The Great Unlearning which can be purchase online via Amazon and other retailers, as well as in store (you can get your book store to order it!) as well as getting a Saturn Return reading with me and 1:1 coaching.

    All details can be found on my website otherwise you can DM me on Instagram @thephidang or email me [email protected].

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