Episode Summary of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 28: Impact of Fear
Fear can play a prominent role in the lives of many. Ironically it makes us do a lot of things yet also stops us from doing a lot of things. Learn more about the impact of fear in your life and what is going on inside your brain. An inspiring take on fear and how it can elevate your growth!
What you'll learn from this episode
How fear stops you from living life fully
Fear paralysis and how it keeps you stuck
How to break the cycle of fear
Spiritual meanings of fear
How to overcome fear and it’s not do with your mind or mindset
What happens to the brain and body when we experience fear
The fight or flight evolutionary response
An exercise to demonstrate the power of your mind and brain on fear
Fear and regret
Helpful codes and quotes on fear
The Bible and Fear
Common fears a life coach sees
An exclusive: a life coach’s hot tip on fear and growth
Key Quotes from this Episode
Focus on who you want to be and what you want to achieve not on your fears.
Instead of falling to fear, how can you rise in fear?
Wake up and realise every day you are dying, so make the most of every moment
[Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:
Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.
Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.
My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”
My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.
Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.
This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.
Ready to grow? Let’s grow!
[Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]
[Episode 28 – Impact of Fear]
Impact of Fear Introduction
Top 10 Life Coaches To Watch as Named by New York Weekly
Hello Beautiful Soul!
In the most exciting news, I’ve been named one of the top 10 life coaches to watch out for in 2021 by New York Weekly. So so exciting. Thank you for all the love over on my Instagram my heart and soul are overwhelmed and overjoyed with all the celebrations. It means the world to me.
This week I’ve been reflecting on fear which is what today’s episode is all about.
Fear supposedly protects you and keeps you alive.
Which is does to a degree but really it keeps you from being truly alive.
It is keeping you stuck, small and scared.
Fear stops you from living life fully
Fear keeps you from doing all the things.
Falling in love.
Breaking up.
Starting your own business.
Quitting your job.
Pursuing your dream career.
Being who you really are.
Speaking up.
Showing your face.
Changing your life.
It’s keeping you from life!
Fear paralyses you and keeps you stuck
When fear paralyses you – you aren’t even getting a chance to be successful, to be truly happy because you’re stopping in your tracks before you can even start!
It’s very much the quote that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
It’s ironic that fear makes us do a lot of things but it also keeps us from doing a lot of things.
Fear is a cycle.
How to break the cycle of fear
How do you break it?
It’s not that you have to push, make or force yourself to not be fearful.
To feel scared is natural – fearful – it has the energy of mental stories behind it, conditioning, lack.
My approach and what I talk about with my clients is to feel the edges of the fear.
How does it feel in your body?
Does it weigh heavily?
Is it in your stomach?
To feel it deeply and allow yourself the natural process of feeling your emotions.
To meet that edge and rise above the fear.
The meanings of fear spiritually
Fear has two meanings.
Forget everything and run or face everything and rise.
The choice is yours.
Use your body to overcome fear not your mind
And really when you embody it, you realise that it isn’t thinking or your mind that will help you overcome fear.
It’s feeling deeply into your body and taking inspired action accordingly.
Do the damn thing that edges you out of your comfort zone.
Invest in yourself.
Quit the job.
Start again.
Focus on who you want to be and what you want to achieve not on your fears.
The body is so vital to the experience of fear because it’s experienced in our mind but physically felt in our body through a strong reaction or response.
What happens to the brain and body when we experience fear
The amygdala is a small almond shaped organ in the middle of your brain that is triggered when you experience fear which in turn releases stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline – the fight or flight response.
Your pupils dilate.
Your blood pressure increases, your heart starts racing faster and faster.
Your body is literally going into evolutionary mode, sharpening its senses which is to brace itself for life – to fight for survival or flee for survival.
I’ve mentioned this several times across the podcast that whilst humans have evolved quickly and rapidly the brain hasn’t quite caught up.
The fight or flight evolutionary response
This fight or flight response happens when you’re not even in physical danger as our ancestors were from hungry animals or raging weather conditions.
It could be you being nervous about a big presentation or work.
Perhaps it’s running into an ex.
Maybe it’s about what your friends think about you.
This response is triggered and guess what?
The brain cannot distinguish between reality and imagination so when you think of a memory when you were fearful it will and can feel so real in the body.
An exercise to demonstrate the power of your mind and brain on fear
Try it.
Recall a time you were really scared in your life like a movie, see the visuals and feel it in your body. You can literally cause the stress response in the body.
That is why my coaching is rooted in energetics and being in the body because the mind can do all sorts of lies and trickery such as fear.
As I’ve even posted about on Instagram, your brain is wired for survival not happiness.
Fear and regret
The thing is yes you can run from fear but often life will repeat itself and put you in situations until move through that fear to learn, grow, evolve and expand.
Remember this when it comes to fear, it is temporary.
Regret is a strong and powerful emotion – we live one life. What are you going to do in this lifetime.
Who are you going to be?
Wake up and realise every day you are dying, so make the most of every moment.
Don’t lead with fear because that energy is so vastly different to the power of leading with love and intention.
Helpful codes and quotes on fear
I love quotes, always have and always will.
I want to share some codes on fear through quotes to help you evolve and grow to your next level.
“Faith and fear both demand you believe in something you cannot see. You choose!”
“Never trust your fears, they don’t know your strength”
“Courage is the resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear”
“The fears we don’t face become our limits”
The Bible and Fear
It’s interesting too that the Bible, a very ancient text says ‘fear not,’ ‘don’t worry’ and ‘be anxious for nothing’ over 300 times.
Fear is a part of the human experience and it is one of our greatest teachers when we let it go, when we move through it.
Instead of falling to fear, how can you rise in fear?
Common fears a life coach sees
Many of my clients experience fears that are not unfounded.
It feels so real in their minds.
The two most commons ones are fear of showing up and being seen and a fear that they’ll never be in a relationship again.
Together we move past this by identifying and bringing perspective to these fears and briefly visiting why these fears exist in their mind.
A life coach's hot tip on fear and growth
I’ll give you a huge hint as a life coach, if you want to quickly grow – do the things you’re scared of.
In your work, you’ll encounter the fears, work up to move past them and grow.
Those who face fear head on and move through it, grow in quantum leaps.
Episode closing Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang 28: Impact of Fear
If your ready to rise above your fears and be your best self, please get in touch. I would love to help you grow beyond your current limits and dive into juicy expansion to know who you are when you meet fears (the answer: unwavering and unshakable)!
Until next Tuesday beautiful soul.
Love & Positivity, Phi
[Episode 28 – Impact of Fear Outro]
Are you wanting to find out more about 1:1 Coaching or working with me? Maybe perhaps you want to know more about me. I’d love to connect with you. You can visit my website phidang.com or connect with me on Instagram @thephidang. Speak to you soon.
56% of people say they’re uncomfortable talking to loved ones about their mental health.
Even those they care for and trust.
Behind this discomfort, lies a common culprit: shame.
We’re often ashamed of our symptoms and what they say about us.
We’re ashamed of needing help or seeming different.
We’re ashamed of labels. For many, this shame becomes a guiding emotion.
It keeps us from knowing ourselves and others, learning new things, and taking chances.
I have felt so much shame for feeling anxious and I can recall after my dad passing away feeling so weak for hurting, crying and needing to take a break from my life (which I filled with busy to avoid my emotions).
Let me make this clear: There’s nothing weak about having emotions. Let’s rid the #mentalhealthstigma and I am so passionate about speaking openly about mental health – showing you the reality of life, the ups AND the downs.
I felt ashamed I had to take a pause in my job, that I couldnt go on my planned euro trip and to tell those I loved I was experiencing delayed grief onset.
I cut myself off from everyone for a few months and I’m so glad my friends and family stuck by me and were so loving, kind and compassionate. We all experience grief differently.
There is no shame in feeling your emotions. We are all human. Emotions are in our nature it’s what makes us truly alive – I am so grateful for my emotions.
I am so grateful for this experience because truly if my dad did not pass I don’t know if I would be running this Instagram or being a life coach.
His death taught me so much about life, myself and has ultimately helped me help so many of you beautiful souls 🧡
This #mentalhealthawarenessmonth, @madeofmillions is talking about shame & the things it keeps us from. I’m honored to be a campaign partner, and share my story alongside so many others. Learn more about their efforts over on their page, or support their work by making a tax deductible donation at madeofmillions.com/donate.
Huge shout out to my friend @matthew.parisien who does so much for made of millions and how I became aware of the campaign.
Episode Summary of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 12: Understanding Your Negative Emotions
This episode gets real on negative emotions despite society where we avoid negativity and put up a front of positivity always. Learn about why you have negative emotions and how you create negativity in your mind. We also delve into practical tips and strategies on how to be less negative.
What you'll learn from this episode
Why we feel negative emotions
How you create negativity in your mind
The role and impact of attention and focus on negativity
An instant life hack on being less negative
How a simple shift in mindset can change your perspective on negativity
Key Quotes from this Episode
Now when you understand that your thoughts determine your reality, you can understand how to make yourself feel certain emotions, you can generate how you want to feel.
Energy flows where focus goes.
You can focus on emotions you don’t want or focus on emotions you do want.
Episode 3 of the Grow Through It Podcast, Beyond the Law of Attraction, The 12 Universal Laws
The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 12: Understanding Your Negative Emotions
You are listening to Episode 12 of the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang: Understanding Your Negative Emotions. [Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:
Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.
Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.
My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”
My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.
Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.
This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.
Ready to grow? Let’s grow!
[Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]
[Episode 12 – Understanding Your Negative Emotions Begins]
Hi Beautiful Soul, so glad you’re here.
I want to start this episode with flagging I’m recording in a new location for the podcast so there may be a little background noise a car and bird chip here or there but I didn’t want that to stop me from recording and releasing a new podcast for you.
Genuinely I usually record in a my clothes wardrobe nook but I’ve been barred from that because my boyfriend is currently ill and so I’m in the office recording it.
A wardrobe nook – yes it’s actually the best place to record because it keeps all the sound insular and all my clothes muffles background noise. A sneak peak into life now – I love it because one day I know I’ll have my own pro podcasting room in the future – it’s on my manifestation list.
How are you doing today? Really how are you doing?
I have something to confess I had a whole other episode scripted and ready to go but an immense wave of grief hit me.
It was as to no surprise for it was my dad’s birthday the other day, he would have been in his late sixties.
It was such a wave of grief that I truly struggled, I felt very low and I have to say every day I cried.
Now? I feel okay. I’m good and it’s because through self development and having a coach myself I have learnt to navigate negative emotions.
To add to this, this time, last year, whilst I also cried I didn’t feel as low, I was feeling quite upbeat and positive.
And that’s emotions for you.
They are waves, they’ll always go up and down, some will be high and low, other times still and flat.
One thing is for sure, in life you will always be navigating emotions and negativity more often than not given our brain is negatively biased to protect us.
Getting real on social media - the truth about positivity
As a life coach and as someone with a large community of over 10,000 followers on Instagram – I have made a commitment to myself, my clients and community to always be honest and true. That is to not pretend on social media and in real life that life is all sunshine, rainbows and unicorns because it’s not.
On social media there is a facade of perfection we put up highly stylised images, we always look happy, in fact we curate so much of it. What images we select, how we portray ourselves and somewhere along the line some of us have believed that it’s real.
Always happy, always camera ready, always positive. I stand for positivity, authenticity and integrity. To be true. To show you when I feel the lows – what it’s really like and it is sometimes a chaotic mess, a roller coaster. Even as someone is known as the Positivity Queen, I still feel negative sometimes because I am human and positivity doesn’t exclude negativity exclusively.
I’ll repeat that again because that’s an important distinction: positivity doesn’t exclude negativity. They require each other. More on that later.
There’s a misconception as a life coach that all we preach is being happy and positive all the time however that’s not the case. As a life coach I teach my clients to feel the full spectrum of their emotions and practical tools and strategies to understand and navigate their emotions.
Let it also be known even when you learn tools and strategies, how your mind works though brain based coaching there will still be times you feel negative.
I have talked to people and have clients who you would think have perfect lives on the outside but on the inside it’s a different reality. Don’t let appearances or social media fool you.
Social media along with the media in general – TV shows, movies, radio has somehow led us all to believe that we are always so happy farting rainbows and glitter or that sadness is glamourised in this aching, cool way.
I want to talk about what other people don’t talk about or are scared to and that is negative emotions because we all go through it.
So let’s get real on negative emotions on understanding them and owning them.
Negativity by default
When I first start working with clients, a lot of the time they think they are just negative by default which is true. Yes. Humans have a negative bias which is evolutionary to keep us safe, being negative compelled us into instant action in an immediate return environment.
Rustle in the bushes defaults to dangerous animal, take instant action flee which means you are safe. Interpret the rustle as just wind meant no action meant potential of death if that was in fact a dangerous animal.
How you create negativity is through your thoughts
Now acknowledging we have a negative bias, we create our own negativity through our thoughts.
The world is nothing but neutral circumstances, it is our thinking that determines our feelings of positivity or negativity.
For example, rain on a weekend is a natural circumstance.
Your thinking would determine if that’s a positive or negative, on person may jump to a negative because they can no longer have a picnic outside whereas someone else sees it as a positive – they don’t have to water the plans outside.
So bring awareness and to attention to your thoughts. How do they create your reality?
Negativity isn’t only created by overt thoughts in your mind, negativity creeps in through subtle ways.
Judging others. Criticising others. Shaming. Jumping to conclusions…
“That won’t work for me”
“I can’t do that”
“I don’t like”
“I’m too tired”
“It’s too hard”
“I’ve never been able to”
And of course the number 1 way negativity builds in to your life: Complaining.
Try cutting out complaining for one whole day and see how you feel.
Now when you understand that Your thoughts determine your reality, you can understand how to make yourself feel certain emotions, you can generate how you want to feel.
Is it easy? No. Is it possible, yes.
The impact of attention and focus on negativity
Energy flows where focus goes.
Simply put, focus on the negative and you have a negative mindset. Focus on the positive and you have a positive mindset.
You can focus on the fact how much you hate mint ice cream or focus on how much you love honeycomb.
You can focus on everything that’s going wrong in your life or focus on everything that is going right in your life.
You can focus on emotions you don’t want or focus on emotions you do want.
Don’t just focus on what you want, find what you want.
Find something everyday to be positive about.
Have an open mind, allow yourself to feel positive. Look at kids, they are always so open and get ridiculously happy and excited about what we consider the small things: sand, waves, puppies, butterflies, being outside…
Why it's hard not to be negative
For many it’s easy to be negative – to criticise, to dismiss, to be skeptical. It’s harder to consciously and intentionally to do the work to be positive – to acknowledge the good, to purposely change your thoughts. Thinking on purpose requires relentless consistency and it can be exhausting. You have to catch yourself having the thoughts and not only decide to change but to do the work to make the change happen.
It’s like what Socrates says “the secret to change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but building the new.”
It doesn’t help that your brain is also lazy but it’s understandable it takes up so much energy on a subconscious level you don’t even realise. The brain is pumping your blood around your body, breathing automatically, blinking automatically… it can’t help but be a bit lazy and want to do things efficiently.
It’s easier for your brain to give into the negativity, to wallow even though it knows if it does the work it can be more positive. The thoughts you’ve been thinking repeatedly are so comfortable and easy like taking the same route to work everyday vs trying a new one which many cut down minutes off your commute but that involves energy, effort and time upfront.
Thought work on negativity
https://phidang.com/05-river-of-misery/You can even get caught in a place where you catch your thoughts, you intellectually understand you are having a negative thought but you feel stuck because you feel like you can’t change it. That’s the real catch you can. You only can’t at this moment because you believe the thought, that because you thought it, it must be real and you aren’t open to other possibilities such as the thought isn’t true or that the thought isn’t a fact or maybe even that you are wrong (oh hello ego!). More on this on Episode 5, River of Misery.
All of the thought work it takes to overcome negativity requires tiny leaps of faith. To be willing to feel your emotions and realise it won’t kill you and that you could be wrong. To be willing to do the work knowing it feels terrible right now but will become easier and second nature like working out. Lifting the weights feels impossible and heavy at first, but over time with consistent practice, it becomes effortless until it’s time to reach the next level.
Negativity isn't all bad, negativity serves a purpose
It’s Ying and Yang, the law of correspondence (more on that on Episode 3 Beyond the Law of Attraction, the 12 Universal Laws).
How would we know happiness without sadness?
What would life be to you if you were only happy all the time?
Negativity raises our self awareness and like our cave man ancestors it drives us to take action.
If we feel unhappy it forces us to look at our lives, to see what we want and don’t want, to drive us to create an intentional life where we are being our must truest and authentic selves.
Resisting negativity makes life harder and more negative
Negativity has become a huge force that messes with our minds nowadays because we cocoon ourselves in double negativity.
We make it more negative by resisting.
I’m not meant to feel negative.
I can’t feel negative.
I shouldn’t feel negative.
These negative thoughts mean there’s something wrong with me.
Think about if if you are already feeling negative and then judge yourself on being negative, you are in a double negative situation.
It’s unnecessary for you to beat yourself up about feeling negative because it doesn’t help.
In fact the more you resist, the more it persists.
I think about waves. Imagine how much harder it is to swim against the current and tide as opposed to just going along with it and seeing where it takes you.
How does it feel to resist as opposed to allow.
Allow feels much nicer for me, much calmer. My mind is at peace.
The energy is completely different.
Most of us don’t allow our emotions, we don’t feel it the full way through so it’s weird sometimes we don’t actually know how it fully feels. We resist which creates suffering, we get scared of the suffering, we future predict all the discomfort we will feel and we resist.
Instead of resisting and wanting yourself to be positive, can you find the neutral ground?
Neutralising negativity, the first step to being less negative
For example if you think you’re not good enough, it takes a huge leap to suddenly say I am the most amazing person but it’s much easier to have a neutral thought like “I don’t feel good enough right now and that’s okay. I am human”.
That thought is more neutral, there is acceptance in there and the thought opens up possibilities to the fact hey maybe I’m not good enough isn’t true.
It’s like on a scale going from a -5 to a -3, that in itself is progress.
Try it! It’s like an instant life hack, allow the thought, drop the I should feel this instead or I shouldn’t feel this or it should be different and the edge of suffering melts away.
Allowing over resisting.
If there was a free voucher for bungee jumping it’s much easier for someone who loves heights and adrenaline to take it up then someone who is terrified of heights.
Allowing over resisting.
Allowing is tolerating. Yes there may still be slight discomfort like an ache or headache but that’s okay. It won’t kill you. You will live, you can go on with life.
Negativity can become automatic
That’s the funny thing about our minds. It automatically jumps to the conclusion and equates negativity with suffering.
It makes sense.
If every time you ate carrot cake and felt sick, your mind equates carrot cake to making you have a bad reaction, that’s your only experience at current.
This is the same with feeling negativity automatically makes you suffer.
However imagine we found out that it was the flour making you sick and replace it with gluten free flour. At first your mind will still be like no i’m not eating the carrot cake, every time I do it makes me sick. It’s understandable because your mind has never had the experience that carrot cake won’t make you sick. Your brain panics and resists the new carrot cake.
It takes a little tiny leap of faith knowing that this new cake won’t because it has gluten free flour. Once you do you realise oh I don’t feel sick and it’s okay.
That’s the same with allowing yourself to feel your negative emotions. You think it will be awful but in reality its okay. It’s uncomfortable, it’s hard but you are capable. You can feel hard things.
Approaching negativity with curiosity
To make this process easier, shift your mindset from one of judgement of yourself for the emotions you have to curiosity.
Sit with the emotions, welcome them, get curious to see what emotions mean.
What are they telling you about what is going on in your life?
How can you see your emotions as an ally not a foe?
How can you learn and grow from the current emotions at present?
The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 12: Understanding Your Negative Emotions
If it’s one thing you practice from this podcast is to try allowing over resisting.
If you’re listening along and thinking “I’m so sick of having negative thoughts on repeat all the time”
Do you identify yourself as a negative person and feel stuck and helpless, as if you will be negative for the rest of your life?
Do you want to wake up feeling confident and assured that no matter what happens you will be able to handle it?
If you are, let’s chat visit my website phidang.com or DM me on Instagram @thephidang because I can help.
I’ve gone from the depths of anxiety, depression and grief to someone who is able to navigate the hardest of emotions from the grief of losing my dad at the age of 20 and experiencing life in negativity and being numb and emotionless.
I can teach you how to rewire your brain for positivity as I do with my clients. I’ve only got 3, 1:1 coaching spots left so get in touch with me now.
Enjoy your day beautiful soul, next week’s episode will be the one I actually scripted for this week “Your Brain is a Liar”. It’s an eye opening episode where you realise how often your brain lies to you… Speak to you next Tuesday. Love and positivity.
[Episode 12 – Understanding Your Negative Emotions]
Are you wanting to find out more about 1:1 Coaching or working with me? Maybe perhaps you want to know more about me. I’d love to connect with you. You can visit my website phidang.com or connect with me on Instagram @thephidang. Speak to you soon.
Episode Summary of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 10: How to be a Warrior not a Worrier
Learn the biological and evolutionary reason as to why you worry. Find out what it means to have a warrior mindset in addition to practical ways you can be a warrior not a worrier.
What you'll learn from this episode
The biological and evolutionary reason why humans worry
What a warrior mindset means
Practical strategies to be a warrior not a worrier
Key Quotes from this Episode
Don’t let others or society define it for you, figure out what success is for you.
Don’t let others or society define it for you, figure out what success is for you.
Don’t let others or society define it for you, figure out what success is for you.
The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 10: How to be a Warrior not a Worrier
You are listening to episode 10 of the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang: How to be a Warrior not Worrier. [Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:
Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.
Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.
My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”
My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.
Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.
This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.
Ready to grow? Let’s grow!
[Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]
[Episode 10 – How to Create and Have Success in 2021 Begins]
Hello beautiful souls! How are you going today? So happy to have you join me on another episode of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.
It’s been a busy start to 2021 for me with all things coaching and I wanted to shout out some of the incredible wins my clients are having.
Shout out to M, after one week of coaching we are already seeing huge shifts. When we first spoke, he described feeling numb when it came to dating women and he’s already called in a second date with a lovely lady who’s stirred some feelings within him!
Shout out to J, a long time client who I recently reconnected with, he is continuing to work through his journey of his past with his family and past relationships. He’s recently opened up new perspectives after feeling very stuck for the last couple of years.
Shout out to another J, a new client who after one session she’s put into practice her insights from our session and made 3 new groups of friends and did a huge social media clean up, the final step of letting go of her recent break up and channeling all of that time and energy to herself and her growth. All amazing wins I am so happy to share!
If you are thinking about working with me, I’d love to chat and be shouting out your inevitable wins on the podcast sometime soon too! Details in show notes as usual or you can connect with me on my website phidang.com or instagram @thephidang.
On worry in relation to your family and self
Today’s episode is titled “How to be a warrior, not a worrier”. I saw this quote online and it really resonated with me. It’s a gem of a quote and shifts your mindset to one of power and confidence – that is something that I am all about.
My parents, particularly my mum, used to worry about me and I feel this was exacerbated by the fact that I am an only child.They would worry about life in general – what’s going on in the world, reading newspapers daily and watching the news every night including all weather updates, having enough money to pay bills, being safe from danger (stay away from this, don’t do that) and so forth. The constant worrying was most certainly passed down to myself as a personality trait.
I still do worry from time to time but to be honest I don’t really any more as I have full faith and confidence in myself and my capabilities. However rewind time to even 3 or 4 years ago, when I was younger I used to worry a lot.
Will he like me? Will I be alone forever? Will anyone want to date me?
Will I pass this test? Will I get this job? Will I be stuck in this job forever?
Is my outfit okay? Will people notice this on my face? Am I really sick? Will I die? Do I have cancer? Is what I have something that has no cure?
If I spend this money, will I get my money’s worth? What if I wasted my money?
And the list goes on… in fact sometimes I would end up in worry loops about worry!
Am I worrying too much? Worrying doesn’t help and I logically know that so why am I worrying? Is something wrong with me? And then it loops round and round.
Are you nodding your head along? Your parents worried a lot? You worry a lot? There’s an actual reason as to why this is. Humans are wired to worry. Worrying is a part of human biology and human evolution.
The biological and evolutionary reason why you worry and why humans worry
Worrying itself is not a problem, in fact worrying serves a purpose: to keep you safe and process potential threats. Worrying is a problem when it interferes with your life, is acutely intense and lasts longer than it usually does for you.
The theories of immediate-return environment and the delayed return environment are used to explain why humans worry.
Immediate-return environment
Humans used to live in an immediate-return environment, 500 years ago – In reference to time and history, 500 years is relatively recent.
Our worries were immediate in nature as cavemen lived a hunter-gatherer lifestyle. Worrying was very useful in the moment as it helped us take action in the moment rather than later for survival.
Your stomach grumbles > you feel worried about food > you find food > your worry is relieved.
Your mouth feels parched and dry > you haven’t drunk enough water today > you feel worried and dehydrated > you find water > your worry is relieved
You hear a storm brewing > you worry about getting wet and being cold > you find shelter > your worry is relieved.
You feel cold > you worry about dying > you light a fire > your worry is relieved.
All of the actions you take deliver immediate results, gratification and therefore you lived in the present moment.
In fact animals still live in an immediate-return environment. As Duke University professor Mark Leary put it, “A deer may be startled by a loud noise and take off through the forest, but as soon as the threat is gone, the deer immediately calms down and starts grazing. And it doesn’t appear to be tied in knots the way that many people are.”
Delayed return environment
Nowadays we live in a delayed return environment where our decisions don’t immediately benefit us in in the moment.
Some examples for you.
When you work, you get paid either fortnightly or monthly. When you work hard, you don’t get promoted immediately, you do after hitting your key performance indicators over time.
If you save money now, you’ll have enough for when you retire later in life.
When you start exercising and eating healthier foods, you’ll see results over time, you don’t lose weight or get fit immediately.
The nature of a delayed return environment results in uncertainty as a great source of worry. There are no guarantees to most things we do and in fact most of the choices we make today won’t immediately benefit us.
Going to school and university doesn’t guarantee you’ll get a job.
Going on a date doesn’t mean you will meet the one, your soul mate.
Investing in stocks, doesn’t guarantee you’ll make returns.
Put simply, our brain is not designed to solve the problems of a delayed return environment. Our environment and way of living has changed rapidly, but our brains have not. Our brain hasn’t evolved to live in a delayed return environment.
Now you know the biological and evolutionary reason as to why we worry, let’s talk about being a warrior not a worrier.
What is the Warrior mindset?
Before I share how you can be a warrior, not a warrior, let me set up the stage, what is the warrior persona?
A warrior triumphs whereas a worrier cowers. A warrior has the rock solid, unshakable belief in them-self. They know how to handle anything that comes their way. A warrior is brave, they are not afraid of the unknown and even if they are, they put themselves out there. They confront and face their fears. They are not scared of challenges because they know they will rise to the challenge. In fact, warriors embrace all opportunities to grow because they know they have so much to gain. Warriors win massive wars, by focusing on winning one small battle at a time.
Now we’ve established the warrior persona, I’m going to share 5 ways how you can be a warrior not a worrier.
5 ways on how to be a Warrior not a Worrier
1. Recognise that behind every emotion including worry, lies a thought.
Your emotions are a result of your thoughts. Therefore if you want to change your emotions, you have to change your thoughts.
Bring awareness to your thoughts. Consciously choose to accept and run with a thought or reject and deny a thought.
Slice through unhelpful thoughts like a warrior with your sword of evidence.
Our thoughts are often stories or assumptions we create so question the thought – is there factual evidence to support this thought or am I making something up?
2. Focus on what you can control and accept what you cannot change.
I have two great exercises to share with you to help. The first is the dichotomy of control circles.
On a piece of paper you draw two circles. The first being what you can control and the second being what you can’t control. No point worrying about what you can’t control because nothing you do will influence it. A super simple exercise.
The second exercise I have for you to be a warrior and not a worrier is the circles of control. On a piece of paper draw a giant circle, a circle within that and a small circle within that. All in all it looks like a bullseye.
The centre is what you can control – the circle of control. This is all within you that you can directly control such as your thoughts, your behaviour, your attitude, your effort, your energy, your actions and so forth.
The circle outside the centre circle is the circle of influence, what you can influence such as your network and relationships. Emphasis on influence – you can’t make or force it. For example you can talk to the people you know and try convince someone, if you’re looking at a promotion you can influence this by building strong relationships with colleagues, putting yourself out there for more projects to take on and so forth.
The largest is everything else outside of your control and influence. For example things like a global pandemic like coronavirus, the weather, strangers you don’t know, traffic, the economy, policies, the media and so forth.
Onto the third way to be a warrior and not worrier.
3. Be strategic, have a game plan and take action.
Always be prepared. Identify what worries you and create a solution to the worry. It’s not enough to just create the game plan, you also have to take action.
For example, if you are worried about getting a job, create an actionable plan on how to get a job. Chunk it down so it’s not overwhelming. For example if you want to get a job you need to apply for jobs. In order to apply for jobs you need a cover letter and resume. Start there! When you break it down it’s not so intimidating.
Another example is if you are worried you won’t have a partner, create an actionable plan on how to get a partner. In order to have a partner, you need to go on dates. In order to go on dates, you need to meet people. People are candidates for partners. How do you meet people? You can do that by going outside your house or within your home through applications and websites.
A game plan also involves having coping strategies for worry such as setting aside time to worry such as 10 minutes then moving on as an example and a support network you can turn to when it becomes all overwhelming.
If you need help creating a personalised game plan, strategies to cope and support, let’s chat. I work with clients to create a specific, actionable plan with clear steps that can be measured in order to achieve their goals.
Whether that’s getting a promotion, changing jobs, finding a partner, becoming an entrepreneur to make money online – anything is possible. A life coach is all about life! Just to add, not many people know that as part of my coaching, you’ll have access to me Monday to Friday so I can answer any questions or concerns that pop up along your journey to hitting your goals and up levelling your self!
4. Believe in yourself
You are an amazing person. You’ve gone through so many hard things, times you didn’t think you would make it yet here you are.
This wasn’t by accident or change, this is because of you. You are strong, you are smart, you are capable and you are resilient. You know how to overcome obstacles and challenges.
In fact when a worry comes up, repeat this mantra: I am a warrior, not a warrior.
5. Work on your strength
I mean strength physically and in your mind.
It’s well known that exercise can alleviate anxiety. Exercises alleviates stress, provides a beneficial distraction and boosts your feel good endorphins. The high from accomplishing exercise will fuel you to conquer not only workout but whatever else is on your mind too. Physically you’ll even start to take the form of a warrior by getting super fit.
Mentally, to work on your strength is to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Do something small everyday that makes you feel uncomfortable to work on your mental strength such as running for an extra 5 minutes to keep your heart-rate going or try a cold shower!
The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 10: How to be a Warrior not a Worrier - Close
To wrap it all up there are 5 ways to be a warrior not a worrier.
1. Recognise that behind every emotion including worry, lies a thought.
2. Focus on what you can control and accept what you cannot change.
3. Be strategic, have a game plan and take action.
4. Believe in yourself
5. Work on your strength
Be a warrior not a worrier! Every warrior has their teacher, so if you’re looking for your teacher, it would be an honour to be your teacher.
Thank you so much for joining me today beautiful souls. If you’ve enjoyed listening along, I would appreciate you sharing this with your friends or leaving a review, it would really help me to spread the word on personal development.
I’ll catch you next Tuesday with a new episode of the Grow Through It Podcast.
Love and Positivity.
[Episode 10 – How to Be a Warrior not a Worrier Ends]
Are you wanting to find out more about 1:1 Coaching or working with me? Maybe perhaps you want to know more about me. I’d love to connect with you. You can visit my website phidang.com or connect with me on Instagram @thephidang. Speak to you soon.
This quote about how this is no the new normal, this is the now… It had me thinking about the immense power of living in the moment. The power of now in times of Coronavirus.
Being present.
How to thrive during unprecedented times.
On a site note, what is normal anyway? We are heavily influenced by our upbringing, what we see in the media. What is normal?
Back to the present moment.
What if this global event was a divine message of the universe to you out of your routine?
A divine redirection, a detour Amazing Race style. An awakening.
To remind you that you cannot control everything.
To force you to surrender.
To nudge you to flex your mental muscles.
To be agile, adaptive and flexible. To remind you of your innate power within, that you can control our perspective and attitude. This applies to life as a whole, not only in times of a global health crisis such as COVID-19.
When you are stuck in a rut.
When you are feeling down and helpless.
When you hit rock bottom.
When you are at the mercy of events that are beyond your control. The loss of a loved one, the loss of your job, the break up that shattered your soul, the friendship where you were betrayed.
What does this all mean?
To be present.
To be present in order to thrive during times of uncertainty as we globally face now.
So how do you thrive during a health crisis such as COVID-19/Corona Virus?
Be present. Be here. Be now. The power of now in times of Coronavirus.
What a weird yet strangely incredible time, to be alive during a global event such as this. In this very moment, we are all experiencing a global health crisis. You cannot control or plan the future, like any other time, however this crisis gives you clarity on this notion.
What you can do is be present.
Feel your broad range of emotions.
I feel anxious. I feel scared. I feel hopeful. I feel hopeless. I feel nervous. I feel worried. I feel at peace. I feel positive. I feel.
What are my current surroundings? What can you see? Is there a scent to the air?
When eating a meal, what can you taste? Is it hot? Is it cold? Is it soft or crunchy?
What do you want to remember from this crisis? What is your ideal day? What lifts you up? What drains your energy?
Be.
Instead of feeling frustrated that you cannot plan for the future, why not embrace now?
Live in the moment. Live in the minute to minute, live day to day.
Feel your mind, body and soul surrendering.
Surrendering to the present moment.
Surrendering to inner peace.
Enjoy the present moment.
Affirmations for being in the moment
♥ I am.
♥ I am here now.
♥ I am present.
See the silver linings
As humans we are wired to be bias to the negative unconsciously.
“…Adults display a negativity bias, or the propensity to attend to, learn from, and use negative information far more than positive information.”
Vaish et. al
Whilst it’s in our nature to easily see and feel the losses due to this crisis, there are silver linings.
You know when you go through a heartbreak and you wish the world around you would stop? Well right now, the whole world is on some sort of strange pause of what you are used to. The whole world is essentially with you. We are all feeling the pain, however we all also have the opportunity to see the positivity in all of this.
Examples of silver linings:
Working from home enables a flexible way of living. There’s no commute to work, I can even wear my pyjama pants if I want to! I can easily do little tidbits around the house as a break from work. I’ve always wanted to know what it’s like to work from home on a consistent basis and this is an opportunity to see what it is like.
I have more time in my day as I no longer need to commute or because my work hours have been cut. I have been given more time! I can use this time to rest, to focus on my passions, to work on my projects, to spend time with my loved ones in my household.
Clarity on what is important to me. This virus has stripped back my daily life. I have time to reflect. The absence of certain activities, products and people in my life makes it clear what I feel is important to my life.
Silver lining affirmations
♥ I can find the positivity amongst the chaos. ♥ There is always a positive to every experience in my life. ♥ This is an opportunity to have clarity on what is important to me.
Maintain connection
We are forced to connect in ways that we may not be used to. The absence of physical presence and touch makes you grateful for all the times you were able to.
Connect with old friends.
Connect with people who uplift our spirits.
Connect with our community.
You can connect in various ways such as online through Zoom or Skype. Using applications such as Houseparty, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, WhatsApp, iMessage. Email. Over the phone. Find a Facebook group or forum to speak to like minded and different people.
In saying that, you can also connect with yourself.
You can do this by pausing. By breathing. By reflecting. Being in the present moment.
You are here now.
The power of now in times of Coronavirus.
Connection affirmations
♥ There are always ways to connect. ♥ I am well connected. ♥ I have the opportunity to deeply connect with myself.
Self care
Self care can take various forms. With daily life at a pause in this very moment, it is an amazing opportunity to take care of yourself.
“Self-care is any activity that we do deliberately in order to take care of our mental, emotional, and physical health. Although it’s a simple concept in theory, it’s something we very often overlook.”
+ Doing what nourishes your soul. That could be for example yoga, making a tea, having a bath, calling a friend, reading a book, journalling.
+ Speaking kindly to ourselves and melt away the negativity. Challenge your mind to see the positivity of a situation. For example instead of “I’m bored”, “How lucky am I to have an opportunity to find something to do. My options are a, b, c etc.”
Self care affirmations
♥ I am important. ♥ I love myself ♥ I take care of myself.
Pursue pleasure, set fire to your soul, to your life
With the gift of time, give yourself permission to explore and focus on your self.
Pleasure is defined as “a feeling of happy satisfaction and enjoyment.”
Pleasure comes in different forms.
During a time like this, I’ve definitely felt guilty when I’m doing nothing… the below passage by Ella Jane in her article, “Can we stop trying to optimise our isolation?” really spoke to me.
“The idea that we are supposed to continually self-optimise, even in the face of a life-threatening pandemic, is surely the dark underbelly of the hustle-culture we find ourselves in in 2020. We’re living in an age where each hour has been broken down for us in order to commodify our waking seconds.”
I think we can collectively agree that the age of COVID-19 is simply a terrifying time to be alive, and that tending to your basic needs while coping with so much is more than many people can handle, let alone the pressure of using each spare second to optimise our existence.
Feeling down? We all experience ‘good’ and ‘bad’ days, ups and downs, wins and losses.
When times get hard it can be nice to read some inspiring quotes that will cheer you up.
These quotes may also help you a cheer someone up such as a loved one such as a friend, family member or partner.
Radiate love and it will be contagious 🙂
They serve as reminder of how incredible you are.
They serve as a prompt to reframe your thoughts and see an issue from a different perspective.
They serve as a reminder of the love that surrounds you.
Here are some quotes that will cheer you up. They will instil love and positivity within you.
Hopefully these inspiring quotes will bring a smile to your face or a bright moment.
It is important to note that it is okay to feel down or sad at times, we are human and this is normal. Honour yourself and allow yourself to process what you are feeling before moving on.
“Everyone deserves a sad day once in a while,” Calista told me. “Sometimes things are too big for cheering up. Sometimes the best way to make things better is just to let yourself be sad for a little bit.”
Lisa Graff
Note if you are feeling down – reach out to someone you trust, someone who loves you. You are strong for reaching out. Talk to them. Be in silence with them. Just know you are never alone. If you don’t have someone please contact a medical professional such as your doctor or a psychologist who can help.
Sending love, light and positivity always.
Inspirational quotes that will cheer you up
Stay focused on what you desire and want to achieve, it will provide the motivation you need.
“When everything feels like an uphill struggle, just think of the view from the top.”
If you’ve got nothing to dance about, find a reason to sing.
Melody Carstairs
Find the light within you.
Instead of cursing the darkness, light a candle.
Benjamin Franklin
No situation is permanent.
“The bad news is nothing lasts forever, The good news is nothing lasts forever.”
J. COLE
You offer something unique to this world.
“There’s something in you that the world needs.”
UNKNOWN
Spread the love.
The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up.
Mark Twain
Enjoy ever moment before it becomes a memory.
Enjoy the little things and be joyful,for one day you may look back and realize they were actually the things that mattered!
UNKNOWN
No one can take away the successes you have already had.
“No matter what, nobody can take away the dances you’ve already had.”
Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Be at peace knowing everything happens for a reason and one day you will realise why.
“Someday, everything will make perfect sense. So for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason.”
UNKNOWN
Sometimes when things are falling apart they may actually be falling into place.
Unknown
Tough times in our life teach us lessons.
“Stars can’t shine without darkness.”
UNKNOWN
Keep moving forward.
“Don’t look back, you’re not going that way.”
UNKNOWN
“I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”
Michael Jordan
Whatever we endure, prepares us for the future.
“Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny.”
C.S. LEWIS
It’s all about perspective.
“I didn’t fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.”
Benjamin Franklin
Failure doesn’t exist, you get something out of everything, one of the best? A lesson learnt.
“There are no failures – just experiences and your reactions to them.”
Tom Krause
“Don’t be discouraged by a failure. It can be a positive experience. Failure is, in a sense, the highway to success, in as much as every discovery of what is false leads us to seek earnestly after what is true, and every fresh experience points out some form of error which we shall afterwards carefully avoid.”
John Keats
Turn your wounds into wisdom.
Oprah
You are resilient.
Tough times don’t last. Tough people do.
Robert H. Schuller
We can turn pain into motivation.
We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.
Kenji Miyazawa
Embrace the present moment.
Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning how to dance in the rain.
Vivian Greene
Tough times teach us a lot about ourselves and how strong we truly are.
It’s in the darkest moments that we find our greatest strengths.
Steven Atchson
You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it.
Unknown
Tough times prompt change for the better.
Pain doesn’t just show up in our lives for no reason. It’s a sign that something in our lives needs to change.
UNKNOWN
Rough times lead to opportunities.
In the middle of a difficulty lies opportunity.
Albert Einstein
Change leads to transformation.
What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly.
Richard Bach
Accept where you are now and find inner peace.
The secret of being happy is accepting where you are in life and making the most out of every day.
Unknown
You have the power to cheer yourself up. You are powerful.
It only takes one person to make you happy and change your life: YOU.
Positive affirmations in the workplace help to feel instantly soothed, calm and centred.
They help tap into the inner peace within you.
Workplaces can be highly stressful and overwhelming at times. Any job can have elements which cause stress, even when you love what you do.
Affirmations can provide a moment of reprieve in these moments when you feel anxiety and tension. They are a helpful relaxation strategy in your toolkit to overcome work stress.
The following 22 positive affirmations for the workplace help to overcome stress. Refer to the power of affirmations to live a soul fulfilling life for a greater understanding on the ability for affirmations to improve your mindset and wellbeing.
Some of the many causes of work-related stress include long hours, heavy workload, job insecurity and conflicts with co-workers or bosses.
Symptoms include a drop in work performance, depression, anxiety and sleeping difficulties.
BETTERHEALTH
22 Positive affirmations for the workplace to overcome stress
♥ I can do anything but I can’t do everything.
♥ Asking for help does not mean I am incompetent or weak.
♥ I am allowed to have a break.
♥ I need to be at my best, feel my best, to do my best.
♥ There is always work to be done. I can’t always finish it all at the end of the day.
♥ I can’t control other people.
♥ It is only work. It is only one aspect of my life.
♥ Challenges bring opportunities.
♥ I learn from my mistakes.
♥ Mistakes are opportunities to grow.
♥ Every day is a new day.
♥ Feedback helps me grow.
♥ I trust that every decision I make is the best I could at that time.
♥ I would not be in my job if management did not believe I could do it.
♥ Failure is normal. It is impossible to never make mistakes.
♥ This situation is not good or bad. It just is.
♥ It is what it is.
♥ I feel stressed right now but I can overcome it.
♥ I am letting go of stress so I can think clearly.
♥ My experiences have equipped me to make the best decision.
♥ I am capable of handling anything. I can do hard things.
♥ This situation will pass, it is not forever.
In conclusion on these affirmations
Love and light, I hope these positive affirmations for the workplace help in reducing your stress. Should your work stress feel overwhelming, it may be best to speak to friends and family in addition to reaching out to your human resources department at work, employee assistance programs and medical professionals.
