74: Show up for yourself
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In this empowering episode, we delve into the art of showing up for yourself every single day and why it is so important. Discover practical strategies and mindset shifts that will help you cultivate a strong sense of self-advocacy and resilience. It’s time to step into your power and strengthen your self love and self care through showing up for yourself.
The inspiration behind showing up for yourself
Hello beautiful soul,
This episode is inspired by a post I shared on Instagram this week about showing up: Show up when things get difficult. When things get out of hand. When things feel dark. Show up, not for the world. Show up, not for anybody else. Show up for you, in whatever way you need to. It’s not about being perfect, it’s about honouring your heart and soul. Be kind to yourself. Be loving in the way that you need. Take care of yourself and watch as you bloom, watch as life and the universe show up for you too.
The message of showing up really came through as a strong clear message as I channeled earlier this week because collectively it’s been energetically dense lately, there’s been a lot of with eclipse energy, Scorpio full moon and Mercury retrograde. It can feel heavy and so I wanted to share something practical that anyone can do, right now, no matter what is going in your life and that is: showing up.
Before I begin, I wanted to show up for you listening to let you know I am here if you need support and guidance. I have availability for 1:1 coaching as well as human design readings so if you’ve been thinking about it or feeling the pull, this is your sign to get in touch and let’s chat to figure out how I can best help you with everything going on in your life and within yourself right now.
What does showing up for yourself mean?
Showing up is so personal to everyone, it changes and is subject to different circumstances yet ultimately showing up is honouring yourself, making yourself a priority and taking care of yourself. Showing up is to live intentionally and to be an active participant inside of your own life daily.
You can thinking of showing up as being the captain of your own ship, navigating the waters of life. Showing up for yourself means taking control of the helm, by making intentional choices, and steering your life in the direction you want to go. Now do note, just because you’re in charge doesn’t mean you have full control: there are still circumstances you can’t such as the wind direction, temperature and the sea in which you are in. So as captain you have to stay attentive and mindful of the changing currents and conditions. Showing up requires your conscious awareness, adaptability and resilience in the face of the dynamic nature of life and potential challenges.
Showing up for others is easier
In most cases and this may apply to you, it’s much easier to show up for someone or something else. Showing up at work out of a sense of duty, obligation and work ethic. Showing up for a family member or friend because you really love them and want to help.
What about yourself? Who is showing up for you? Are you showing up for yourself? If you get on that spiral of but if I choose myself first how can I show for others well it’s a win win because when you show up for yourself first, your capacity and bandwidth expand so that you can show up for others. It’s not about being selfish or not wanting to help others, it’s about making sure you’re also taking care and loving yourself to as the beautiful, kind, generous and loving soul that you are.
Showing up in contrast to self abandonment
You may be unconscious that showing up for others is a habit giving away as opposed to conscious and intentional decision. On Autopilot. When it comes to personal development and growth, abandonment often surfaces in relation to others but a blindspot I’ve noticed working with clients is what can happen is you may unintentionally abandon yourself automatically putting others needs and wants first, without consideration of your own.
This quote by Howard Thurman summarises it nicely: “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and go do it, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”
Real life examples of showing up
An example of how I have been showing up for myself daily is going for walks after eating, it helps me to step away from the laptop (as most of my work is done there) as well as helps with digestion. Creatively showing up for myself has been writing more and committing to writing everyday! Writing my book The Great Unlearning was a huge journey, it’s over 110,000 words and it was released almost a year ago. Recently my creative juices has been flowing from just starting to write for fun and then writing to share on my Instagram and share messages I think that will help the community.
Working with clients, I’ve seen one client who has previously had limiting self beliefs around being creative, show up for herself by realising creativity doesn’t need to be art as an example and in turn she’s creatively reworked her resume for a new industry as she seeks to change careers.
For several clients, showing up has meant returning home to visit family and friends (expats who have moved overseas) as their most authentic selves. There can be a fear of fully shining and making others feel perhaps their lives aren’t as exciting or they haven’t had as much growth but for these clients showing up for themselves means honouring their full experience, the challenges yes but also the highs and the wins unapologetically.
For other clients, showing up has meant confronting and facing past memories that have been painful in order to feel them and move forward whether that be grieving a breakup or death of a loved one. For another client showing up always happened for her work but not herself, and so showing up this month meant setting time aside for herself to plan and reflect things for her on a personal level.
Showing up is important
Showing up is committing to yourself now in the present moment as well as committing to your future. Showing up is important because you are important and you matter. Showing up creates momentum. When you show up regularly for yourself whether it’s practicing a new skill or pursuing a passion, you create a momentum that propels you forward. This momentum makes it easier to stay motivated and inspired, leading to greater progress and achievement over time.
Now remember showing up isn’t always striving forwards in terms of your actions, for example at times showing up for yourself requires honouring the need to rest and slow down. Whilst you may perceive this to be a backwards step or failing to show up, ultimately you are. Taking care of yourself prevents further pain, stress and burnout so essentially you slow down, in order to speed up.
Showing up: Accountability and resilience
Showing up also cultivates accountability to yourself (your integrity: your commitment to yourself) as well as resilience. We can show up for ourselves no matter what, because showing up is unique to that day and moment.
You are facing the world in whatever way you need to instead of hiding away and leaking your power. Setbacks may and lets be real will happen but when you continually show up, it doesn’t feel like it chips away because you know that no matter what happens you will honour yourself and that attitude in itself allows you to bounce back quicker, one of my favourite Chinese proverbs “fall down seven times, get back up eight,”
Showing up is stepping into your power and strengthens your self esteem
Showing up leads to a fulfilling life because you are an active participant. You’re not just at the mercy of the universe and circumstances. You aren’t a victim. You are choosing to do what you can. You are choosing the mindset of being empowered. This ties in with episode 70 where I spoke about the butterfly effect. Showing up can feel small and you can question it’s significance but as we know with the butterfly effect it creates ripples and greater impact and influence beyond what you can perceive in the moment.
Ultimately what matters is showing up influences what is important: what you think of yourself. Being proactive and actually caring. When you are someone who shows up for themselves no matter what, that’s going to cultivate self love, self care and self commitment.
To show up is to be present
Showing up for yourself starts by being in the present moment and acknowledging your present state internally. Be in the state of observation and noticing. Take the framework of checking in with mind, body and soul. Can you pause, lay down judgement and allow it?
How are you feeling? What is going on in your life? What is the state of your physicality? How are you mentally? How does your soul feel? How does your heart?
To show up is to be self aware
Check in with yourself to see what you need and desire for yourself based on your assessment. This is going to change one day showing up might mean taking a break for yourself where as another time is may require discipline such as setting time aside to exercise because your health is one of your biggest priorities right now. When life feels draining and happiness is dry, showing up may mean doing something fun and pleasurable.
Show up for yourself by doing what you need to do to get into full alignment before taking on the demands of the world and other people’s energy. Know that when you are being your most authentic and aligned self, that everyone gets to this best version of you too.
Some form of journaling is a beautiful practice because being able to get your thoughts out from your head onto paper, can help in expressing yourself leading to self validation as well as the opportunity to understand yourself better for example you may see thought patterns emerging or consistent emotions arising to the surface to reveal something.
Showing up is a commitment
Showing up for yourself means being all in on you. Understanding that you are priority, in fact the #1 priority. Self-commitment that lays the foundation for personal growth, fulfillment, and well-being. The one person that is there from the moment you are born until the moment you pass, will only be and always you. You are important, have your own back!
When you consistently show up for yourself and your vision, you demonstrate a commitment to your personal growth and development. You embody what it means to love yourself, to take care of yourself and step in to your power.
Think of this scenario, your dream is to become a pro footballer. Do you show up only when you’re winning in matches and feeling good? Do you show up even when there’s setbacks like not making the cut for the next level team? In winter, if you are healthy and well, do you continue to practice even though it’s cold and miserable outside?
A quote attributed to Tanner Christensen states: “Even on the days you don’t feel like it, showing up can make all the difference. If you show up and start the work – even though it feels so heavy to do so – what you end up making could be all you need to keep moving, to keep creating.”
To back yourself is to show up
Showing up is knowing what you want and allowing yourself to be in positions, opportunities and environments to make that happen. For example if showing up for yourself means advancing your career, it’s about honouring what is in your control to make that happen such as you having a discussion with your boss about opportunities to progress in your company or proactively asking for more training and development. It may involve uncomfortable scary conversations like asking for a pay raise in honour of you recognising how much work you do and your needs for more money (such as to save for something you really want like a house, car or course). It could mean stepping into leadership positions and putting your hand up for projects you desire.
You could have the best idea in the world but it’s nothing if you don’t show up for it and make it an actual reality.
Showing up is be to an advocate for yourself
This threads through with my next point on how to back yourself which is to advocate for yourself. To speak up for yourself. Often we don’t out of perhaps fear, confrontation, being too loud or annoying or even thinking that it’s silly to.
How you feel is never wrong because how you feel is always valid (that’s a podcast episode for the future) but can you adopt the perspective that a feeling is neither “right” nor “wrong” but simply is? What we do with how feel is up to us and that can lead to decisions and choices that we fully own whatever the outcome is.
How to advocate for yourself again changes based on the circumstances and context for example it may be inappropriate to blow up at someone for something going wrong in the workplace, but it it may be appropriate to have a private conversation afterwards once you’ve cooled down.
I’ve led the discussion on how to show up for yourself in terms of practical actions and I also wanted to share 3 key mindset perspective shifts that are also important.
Showing up isn’t about perfection it’s an energy and attitude
It’s saying, I’m here. To wrap your head around this one, an example is in relation to other people. Say you have an important event coming up, you’ve been working on this project for years and the big moment is here. Imagine someone you loved didn’t show up because they were worried about how they looked. Ultimately you don’t care because it’s more important the fact that they showed up, even if they were late, even if they could only be there for five minutes.
What about when you’re feeling down and someone reaches out to you. They are currently overseas so they can’t be with you physically but they want to show up virtually through an online meeting or call. Imagine they didn’t do it in the first place because they couldn’t do it in person and thought why bother?
It’s that feeling as a kid, doing a school play and looking out into the audience with the confidence of hey my parents are going to be there no matter what. That security. That comfort. That reliability. Whether your parents could or did is another matter but ultimately you can give that to yourself right here and now, for the rest of your life, showing up as that for you. Being the parent or partner or friend you always wanted or needed. You are capable of doing that.
You never know where showing up will take you
You’re wildly passionate about yoga and so you’ve taken teacher training and you’ve now you’re ready to share the power and magic of yoga with the world. You’re nervous about putting on a paid class for the first time. Will anyone come? What if no one does?
Show up. Even if no one is there, you get to embody your practice and new found skills. How deeply do you care and love yourself to do that? Plus if no one else shows up how would anyone else actually know but you. Whilst many feelings may arise to the surface, they can be great teachers. Feeling rejected yet showing up despite no one coming, you didn’t reject yourself. Feeling not good enough, taking a moment to assess the circumstances: did people know about your class, what was the pricing in relation to the industry, did you try different avenues to get people to come to the class?
Let’s say you show up but you feel disheartened because there’s only one person there. You could change that one person’s day or even life. They showed up because they are struggling but your class came at the right time happened to be intimate and private to help them through a season of difficulty and darkness in their life. You became the light because you showed up. You focused on your mission: to share the magic and power of yoga, you delivered! Perhaps a few weeks later, this person reaches back out because they happen to work in the HR department of a massive tech company and would love to pay you to run weekly yoga sessions in their office.
You’re listening to me on my podcast because of this very sentiment and the journey on how I became a life coach. I showed up online consistently everyday posting even when I had 0 followers, likes and comments. I showed up anonymously at first because the fear of people I knew in real life seeing what I was doing scared me. I was scared to be seen. Posting about my passion of mental health. Fear of judgement. I didn’t let that be an excuse so I found a solution to be anonymous. I showed up even though I didn’t started trained as life coach, I showed up because of my passion and genuine desire to help people. All of this led to where I am now, in my third year full time in my own business doing what I love. My soul is fulfilled. My soul is free. My soul is abundant.
Showing up is a significant step towards success, if not really success in itself
What comes to mind is the 2002 Winter Olympics in Salt Lake City. Steven Bradbury, an Australian athlete was competing in short track speed skating which is chaotic in itself, people are jostling and bumping into each other, they are required to wear helmets.
Steven Bradbury getting into the final was an amazing feat itself given he was an underdog, the official Olympics website even states “he had never excelled at any major competition, other than in relay events, prior to the Salt Lake City Games. Before 2002, the Australian’s highest finish in an individual Olympic competition was the eighth place he achieved in the 500m race in 1994.” In the lead up to the Olympics, Bradbury faced multiple setbacks in his journey including a thigh injury where he lost litres of blood, required 111 stitches (cheeky angel number wink there hey) and took 18 months to fully recover.
His journey to the finals were no easy feat, in the quarter finals everything was against him, the favourites to win and he did not technically finish in the top two to advance however he ending up doing so as another racer was disqualified. Ultimately in the final, after consulting with his coach the strategy was to stay back as he acknowledged he could not match the pace of the top competitors. What ended up happening was a huge collision taking out the majority of the race except Bradbury skating on through to win the gold medal, coming first and securing his place in history as the first Australian to win a Winter Olympics gold medal.
On the decision to accept the gold medal, Bradbury said I’ll accept this gold medal. But not for the 90 seconds of the race – I’m going to take it for the 14 years of hard work.” Bradbury’s win resonates with the importance of showing up (as well as luck and strategy). The other competitors may have been faster, more athletic but ultimately it didn’t matter in the end for that particular race. Bradbury’s win serves as a reminder that perseverance and dedication are important and often rewarded (though it may take time!).
Showing up beyond traditional success
In essence, Stephen Bradbury’s gold medal win is more than just a sporting achievement; it’s an inspiring embodiment to the power of showing up, persevering in the face of adversity, defying the odds and seizing opportunities when they arise. All of which stemmed from showing up and not discounting himself out of the race beforehand.
A beautiful insight I wanted to share by Robert Holden is “To be successful in life, work, and relationships, you have to do one thing first—you have to show up. In other words, you have to be willing to show the world who you are and what you believe in. And you have to keep showing up in spite of the setbacks and the heartbreaks. The temptation to edit yourself and to hide will only leave you feeling dead inside. Yet the more authentic you are, the more true success you will enjoy and the more alive you will feel.”
You can't afford to not show up for yourself
His insight came about from the Zulu people of South Africa, how they powerfully greet people in two parts: one part says: “I am here to be seen” and the other part is “I see you.”
Ultimately bringing this episode on showing up to an end, perhaps it’s the perspective that you can’t afford not to show up, because showing up represents so much with many benefits as I’ve shared throughout this episode. To not show up is to deny your value and existence. As Tanner Christensen puts it “Your brush or pen strokes are uniquely yours, nobody else can make them for you. The same goes for the words you write, the songs you sing, the pictures you take, the moves you dance, or the floor plans you draw-up. Your ideas and the way you execute them are strictly your own. They are a great part of the value you provide. To not show up is to deny your work and your ideas existence. So we have to show up, whenever physically able. At least for a moment, for a few key presses or a few flicks of the brush.”
To end this episode, what is one actionable thing you can do right now to show up for yourself?
I’ll leave you on that question beautiful soul and know that showing up for yourself may also mean getting, receiving and having support. We all need support in life, it isn’t something we are meant to do alone nor is it enjoyable, it can be a lonely and difficult journey.
Should you want or need support, guidance in your life whether it be showing up for yourself, your dreams, desires, career, relationships, happiness, abundance — I’m here for you! I’ve got your back as someone to speak to and bounce thoughts and ideas with.
I offer 1:1 coaching session and human design readings to help you. More information available on my website phidang.com or my Instagram @thephidang, please reach out I would love to hear from you. Until next time beautiful soul, love and positivity.
Let’s work together through 1:1 coaching and/or a human design reading.
AEDT 7:30pm
this is your sign to relax and be at peace. Things are still unfolding behind the scenes that you can’t see or comprehend yet.
phi