Phi Dang

Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as 'The Positivity Queen'. I help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered by overcoming your negative self talk so you can conquer anything.

  • What’s the rush?

    What is the rush in life?

    Seriously what’s the rush? 

    If you know deeply that something is for you, meant for you and will happen you have certainty.

    So let the universe play.

    Enjoy the path and journey – savour it.

    It’s yours!

    There’s nothing to worry or stress about, that’ll just get you down and out of alignment.

    After all when you’re in alignment you KNOW.

    There’s no thought or doubt.

    When you follow what lights you up, what you desire in the moment it paves the path to beyond everything you’ve ever dreamed of ✨

    Better than what your mind can conceptually conceive 💫

    What if you don’t know?

    Well rushing isn’t going to help.

    Rushing feels like anxiety, stress and worry.

    Rushing feels icky, resistant, unnatural, forced.

    Rushing is the desire for control in disguise.

    Rushing is resistance.

    Rushing is avoiding what you need to experience – the real feelings beneath it all.

    Rushing is the facade of busy or lack of true priorities.

    Rushing is being tied to some thing or event to happen in order to feel worthy, happy, successful… the constraints which you create.

    Rushing is easy because you’re on auto pilot blitzing through life forgetting the juiciness of life right here in this moment 🍎

    Rushing feels like pressure bubbling and brewing.

    Rushing is the false idea that the grass is greener on the other side in a conceptual future.

    Let life and yourself flow like the waves 🌊

    The future isn’t here yet anyway, all you have is here right now.

    When you’re here, there’s no rush.

    Just living, enjoying, savoring.

    An inner peace, calm, stillness 🍃

    love & positivity ✨ phi 👁

     

    Click here to read more

  • 28: Impact of Fear

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    Episode Summary of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 28: Impact of Fear

    Fear can play a prominent role in the lives of many. Ironically it makes us do a lot of things yet also stops us from doing a lot of things. Learn more about the impact of fear in your life and what is going on inside your brain. An inspiring take on fear and how it can elevate your growth!

    What you'll learn from this episode

    • How fear stops you from living life fully​
    • Fear paralysis and how it keeps you stuck
    • How to break the cycle of fear
    • Spiritual meanings of fear
    • How to overcome fear and it’s not do with your mind or mindset
    • What happens to the brain and body when we experience fear​
    • The fight or flight evolutionary response​
    • An exercise to demonstrate the power of your mind and brain on fear​
    • Fear and regret​
    • Helpful codes and quotes on fear​
    • The Bible and Fear​
    • Common fears a life coach sees​
    • An exclusive: a life coach’s hot tip on fear and growth​

    Key Quotes from this Episode

    Focus on who you want to be and what you want to achieve not on your fears.

    Phi Dang

    Instead of falling to fear, how can you rise in fear?

    Phi Dang

    Wake up and realise every day you are dying, so make the most of every moment

    Phi Dang

    Featured Resources on the episode

    Learn more about 1:1 Coaching with Phi here.

    Phi’s Instagram here

    Phi has been named one of the Top 10 Life Coaches to Watch Out For in 2021 by New York Weekly

    Show Transcript

    [Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:

    Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.

    Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.

    My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”

    My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.

    Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.

    This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.

    Ready to grow? Let’s grow!

    [Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]

    [Episode 28 – Impact of Fear]

    Impact of Fear Introduction

    Top 10 Life Coaches To Watch as Named by New York Weekly

    Hello Beautiful Soul!

    In the most exciting news, I’ve been named one of the top 10 life coaches to watch out for in 2021 by New York Weekly. So so exciting. Thank you for all the love over on my Instagram my heart and soul are overwhelmed and overjoyed with all the celebrations. It means the world to me.

    This week I’ve been reflecting on fear which is what today’s episode is all about.

    Fear supposedly protects you and keeps you alive. 

    Which is does to a degree but really it keeps you from being truly alive.

    It is keeping you stuck, small and scared.

    Fear stops you from living life fully

    Fear keeps you from doing all the things.

    Falling in love.

    Breaking up.

    Starting your own business.

    Quitting your job.

    Pursuing your dream career.

    Being who you really are.

    Speaking up.

    Showing your face.

    Changing your life.

    It’s keeping you from life!

    Fear paralyses you and keeps you stuck

    When fear paralyses you – you aren’t even getting a chance to be successful, to be truly happy because you’re stopping in your tracks before you can even start!

    It’s very much the quote that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.

    It’s ironic that fear makes us do a lot of things but it also keeps us from doing a lot of things.

    Fear is a cycle.

    How to break the cycle of fear

    How do you break it?

    It’s not that you have to push, make or force yourself to not be fearful.

    To feel scared is natural – fearful – it has the energy of mental stories behind it, conditioning, lack.

    My approach and what I talk about with my clients is to feel the edges of the fear.

    How does it feel in your body?

    Does it weigh heavily?

    Is it in your stomach?

    To feel it deeply and allow yourself the natural process of feeling your emotions.

    To meet that edge and rise above the fear.

    The meanings of fear spiritually

    Fear has two meanings.

    Forget everything and run or face everything and rise.

    The choice is yours.

    Use your body to overcome fear not your mind

    And really when you embody it, you realise that it isn’t thinking or your mind that will help you overcome fear.

    It’s feeling deeply into your body and taking inspired action accordingly.

    Do the damn thing that edges you out of your comfort zone.

    Invest in yourself.

    Quit the job.

    Start again.

    Focus on who you want to be and what you want to achieve not on your fears. 

    The body is so vital to the experience of fear because it’s experienced in our mind but physically felt in our body through a strong reaction or response.

    What happens to the brain and body when we experience fear

    The amygdala is a small almond shaped organ in the middle of your brain that is triggered when you experience fear which in turn releases stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline – the fight or flight response.

    Your pupils dilate. 

    Your blood pressure increases, your heart starts racing faster and faster.

    Your body is literally going into evolutionary mode, sharpening its senses which is to brace itself for life – to fight for survival or flee for survival.

    I’ve mentioned this several times across the podcast that whilst humans have evolved quickly and rapidly the brain hasn’t quite caught up.

    The fight or flight evolutionary response

    This fight or flight response happens when you’re not even in physical danger as our ancestors were from hungry animals or raging weather conditions.

    It could be you being nervous about a big presentation or work. 

    Perhaps it’s running into an ex.

    Maybe it’s about what your friends think about you.

    This response is triggered and guess what?

    The brain cannot distinguish between reality and imagination so when you think of a memory when you were fearful it will and can feel so real in the body.

    An exercise to demonstrate the power of your mind and brain on fear

    Try it.

    Recall a time you were really scared in your life like a movie, see the visuals and feel it in your body. You can literally cause the stress response in the body.

    That is why my coaching is rooted in energetics and being in the body because the mind can do all sorts of lies and trickery such as fear.

    As I’ve even posted about on Instagram, your brain is wired for survival not happiness. 

    Fear and regret

    The thing is yes you can run from fear but often life will repeat itself and put you in situations until move through that fear to learn, grow, evolve and expand. 

    Remember this when it comes to fear, it is temporary.

    Regret is a strong and powerful emotion – we live one life. What are you going to do in this lifetime.

    Who are you going to be?

    Wake up and realise every day you are dying, so make the most of every moment.

    Don’t lead with fear because that energy is so vastly different to the power of leading with love and intention. 

    Helpful codes and quotes on fear

    I love quotes, always have and always will. 

    I want to share some codes on fear through quotes to help you evolve and grow to your next level.

    “Faith and fear both demand you believe in something you cannot see. You choose!”

    Bob Proctor

    “Never trust your fears, they don’t know your strength”

    Anthea Singh

    “Courage is the resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear”

    Mark Twain

    “The fears we don’t face become our limits”

    Robin Sharma

    The Bible and Fear

    It’s interesting too that the Bible, a very ancient text says ‘fear not,’ ‘don’t worry’ and ‘be anxious for nothing’ over 300 times.

    Fear is a part of the human experience and it is one of our greatest teachers when we let it go, when we move through it.

    Instead of falling to fear, how can you rise in fear?

    Common fears a life coach sees

    Many of my clients experience fears that are not unfounded.

    It feels so real in their minds.

    The two most commons ones are fear of showing up and being seen and a fear that they’ll never be in a relationship again.

    Together we move past this by identifying and bringing perspective to these fears and briefly visiting why these fears exist in their mind.

    A life coach's hot tip on fear and growth

    I’ll give you a huge hint as a life coach, if you want to quickly grow – do the things you’re scared of.

    In your work, you’ll encounter the fears, work up to move past them and grow.

    Those who face fear head on and move through it, grow in quantum leaps.

    Episode closing Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang 28: Impact of Fear

    If your ready to rise above your fears and be your best self, please get in touch. I would love to help you grow beyond your current limits and dive into juicy expansion to know who you are when you meet fears (the answer: unwavering and unshakable)!

    Until next Tuesday beautiful soul.

    Love & Positivity, Phi 

    [Episode 28 – Impact of Fear Outro]

    Are you wanting to find out more about 1:1 Coaching or working with me? Maybe perhaps you want to know more about me. I’d love to connect with you. You can visit my website phidang.com or connect with me on Instagram @thephidang. Speak to you soon.

    Additional reading and resources on fear

    5 Things You Never Knew About Fear

    The Key to Freedom from Fear – Bob Proctor

    How To Defeat Fear and Worry – Robin Sharma

    Click here to read more

  • Pleasure isn’t just about sex

    Pleasure isn’t just sex Instagram Post

    PLEASURE is calling 📲 and it ain’t just found in the bedroom 💋 Nor does pleasure want to take a back seat in life.

    How has pleasure become secondary in our life?

    We associate it behind closed doors 🚪

    In indulging (sometimes excessively) in food, drinking, escapism…

    Pleasure is in your BEING.

    Literally in the feelings and sensations in your body.

    In the ecstasy of LIFE ⚡️

    Being alive. Being here. Right now in the only true moment: the present moment.

    To be in true pleasure is to let go.

    Let go of your mind.

    Let go of what you need to do or should be doing.

    Let go of your burdens and baggage.

    Pleasure is encoded and embodied in you.

    The pleasure of waking up early.

    The pleasure of sunrises and sunsets.

    The pleasure of cold water soaking your skin.

    The pleasure of a sweet fresh strawberry.

    The pleasure of listening deeply to your favourite music uninterrupted.

    Are you open to pleasure?

    love & positivity ✨ phi 👁

    Click here to read more

  • You have to start thinking of yourself as the main character

    Be the main character

    Are you living life or is your mind in the drivers seat?

    Life is so precious, why spend moments at war with yourself?

    Separate yourself from your mind.

    Free yourself from your mind.

    Become the one who uses their mind not the other way around.

    How to start being the main character?

    So often we are longing for the past or dreaming ahead of the future that we forget to be here right now.

    The gift of life and this present moment.

    Don’t let life slip by you whilst you weren’t here. Now. Fully living it.

    Watch your thoughts.

    Let go and just be 🦋

    love & positivity ✨ phi 👁

    Click here to read more

  • Shame kept me from being open

    Shame Kept Me From Being Open

    56% of people say they’re uncomfortable talking to loved ones about their mental health.

    Even those they care for and trust.

    Behind this discomfort, lies a common culprit: shame.

    We’re often ashamed of our symptoms and what they say about us.

    We’re ashamed of needing help or seeming different.

    We’re ashamed of labels. For many, this shame becomes a guiding emotion.

    It keeps us from knowing ourselves and others, learning new things, and taking chances.

    I have felt so much shame for feeling anxious and I can recall after my dad passing away feeling so weak for hurting, crying and needing to take a break from my life (which I filled with busy to avoid my emotions).

    Let me make this clear: There’s nothing weak about having emotions. Let’s rid the #mentalhealthstigma and I am so passionate about speaking openly about mental health – showing you the reality of life, the ups AND the downs.

    I felt ashamed I had to take a pause in my job, that I couldnt go on my planned euro trip and to tell those I loved I was experiencing delayed grief onset.

    I cut myself off from everyone for a few months and I’m so glad my friends and family stuck by me and were so loving, kind and compassionate. We all experience grief differently.

    There is no shame in feeling your emotions. We are all human. Emotions are in our nature it’s what makes us truly alive – I am so grateful for my emotions.

    I am so grateful for this experience because truly if my dad did not pass I don’t know if I would be running this Instagram or being a life coach.

    His death taught me so much about life, myself and has ultimately helped me help so many of you beautiful souls 🧡

    This #mentalhealthawarenessmonth, @madeofmillions is talking about shame & the things it keeps us from. I’m honored to be a campaign partner, and share my story alongside so many others. Learn more about their efforts over on their page, or support their work by making a tax deductible donation at madeofmillions.com/donate.

    Huge shout out to my friend @matthew.parisien who does so much for made of millions and how I became aware of the campaign.

     

    Additional resources

    Made of Millions

    Exploring Shame

    Overcoming Shame-based Thinking

    Click here to read more

  • The secret to feeling lighter and more free instantly?

    The secret to being instantly light and free

    Want to know the secret to feeling lighter and more free instantly?

    It is being here in the present moment.

    Here right now.

    The past is dead and gone.

    Yet we replay scenarios over and over in our head.

    How could I have done it better or differently?

    Why can’t life be like that again?

    The future hasn’t just happened.

    We obsess with getting to the final destination when everything is right with life.

    All we desire is a reality.

    Right here, is just right.

    Letting everything pop up and flow.

    Here, is. You just are.

    It is when we fight the present moment – falling back into the past or concentrating on the future that we deny reality.

    As a result we suffer. We get lost in our thoughts and identified with our mind. The stories. The DRAMAAAA!

    You lose the vibrancy of life.

    Time just slipping by…

    Return to here and now.

    It starts with this awareness and expands to creating space.

    Where are you? Are you here right now?

    Having trouble accessing the present moment? I can help you.

    Let’s work together through 1:1 coaching to overcome your negative self talk and draining mind chatter. Freedom is possible 🦋

    love & positivity ✨ phi 👁

    Click here to read more

  • 27: Normalising Boundaries With Family

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    Episode Summary of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 27: Normalising Boundaries With Family

    Family and boundaries. Just because they are your family doesn’t mean they are exempt from boundaries. Boundaries exist to help and protect you in addition to strengthening all your relationships especially and including your family.

    What you'll learn from this episode

    • Why boundaries also apply to your family​
    • How your boundaries are formed as a child
    • What are boundaries
    • How boundaries are formed
    • The influence of family on boundaries – your upbringing
    • The 3 crucial things a life coach wants you to know about boundaries
    • How we recreate familial situations as an adult particularly in romantic relationships
    • Practical family scenarios and their influence on boundaries
    • A practical strategy to understand how your family influenced your boundaries​
    • Boundaries and cultural conditioning​
    • A life coach’s insight on boundaries

    Key Quotes from this Episode

    Boundaries are a beautiful tool - they help you to be true to who you are and be in your full expression in life!

    Phi Dang

    Boundaries apply to everybody not just one particular type of relationship.

    Phi Dang

    People cannot mind read so you can’t expect people to just know boundaries

    Phi Dang

    Featured Resources on the episode

    Show Transcript

    [Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:

    Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.

    Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.

    My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”

    My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.

    Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.

    This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.

    Ready to grow? Let’s grow!

    [Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]

    [Episode 27 – Normalising Boundaries With Family]

    Normalising Boundaries With Family Introduction

    Hi beautiful soul!

    Wherever you are right now and whatever you are doing I hope you are doing well and fully present! 

    I’ve actually started listening to more podcasts when I drive, so if you’re driving full focus on the road whilst absorbing this podcast. 

    In fact a few of you have written to let me know you love listening whilst driving too and re-listening at home when you can fully take in everything and write notes. 

    Welcoming a new 1:1 client!

    First of all I wanted to do a huge shout and congratulations to my new 1:1 client S wooohooo beautiful soul I’m so excited to be working with you – my first client from London! In our initial consultation chat S was blown with the breakthroughs and realisations she was having about her anxiety and perspective regarding her career and feeling held back from getting a promotion. She’s now stepped into her power and I can’t wait to see what the next few months working with her will lead to!

    Work with Phi

    If you’ve been tuning in for a while, finding my posts resonating and feel the pull to work with me – please get in touch – I would love to work with you as I have done with my clients to help you overcome your negative self talk and limiting beliefs so you can start living your best life, your next level of growth and evolution! 

    Why boundaries also apply to your family

    Today’s episode is inspired and rooted in my latest Instagram post which I did on Sunday to coincide with Mother’s Day. Part of that post was being really firm with boundaries even for and especially for family members like your mum.

    I want to start the episode with a key insight for you: your family at the end of the day are human just like you. They aren’t on a pedestal, we are all and in one the same. From the same source which you may call God, Universe, Spirit, Source, Infinite Intelligence – whatever resonates best with you. 

    Labels of mum, dad, sibling are what we give to identify the relationship to the person. They are also roles, you are a daughter or son to someone, perhaps even a sibling.

    Just because they are your family it doesn’t mean boundaries don’t apply to them. Boundaries apply to everybody not just one particular type of relationship.

    How your boundaries are formed as a child

    And here comes the journey of navigating and understanding the huge role our families play in the formation and enactment of our boundaries.

    So many things we believe – how we act, what we believe to be true is formed and learnt from birth and as children. 

    We are always consciously and subconsciously absorbing the world around us like sponges that in turn create our programming and conditioning. 

    This can become tricky when you are so accustomed to a certain way and belief that perhaps you may not even realise the situations around you are unhealthy, in fact you think it is ‘normal’ based on your upbringing and conditioning.

    How your upbringing and family influence your boundaries

    Depending on how you were raised – boundaries may or may not be a thing. 

    Simply put, boundaries are what you put in place whether physically, mentally, emotionally, morally, financially and so forth to protect yourself and what behaviour you will allow. 

    As a baseline boundaries are ensuring you are respected. That goes both ways including respecting your own self and being firm and following through with the boundaries you set. 

    Think of them as sliding doors, used when needed. 

    Boundaries are a beautiful tool – they help you to be true to who you are and be in your full expression in life!

    The importance of clearly explained boundaries

    Whilst I’m talking about boundaries, from my experience as a life coach I can’t stress how important it is to clearly communicate and define your boundaries. 

    People cannot mind read so you can’t expect people to just know boundaries – if you tell them clearly there cannot be any confusion.

    How we recreate familial situations as an adult particularly in romantic relationships

    On the topic of family and our boundaries, it is in fact our family relationships which form the foundation and groundwork for a lot of other relationships we go on to have in our lives particularly romantic relationships. We often recreate familial situations in romantic relationships consciously and unconsciously.

    A common example that I identify with is fear of being abandoned. Growing up as an only child, having my parents divorced I had developed a fear of being alone and abandoned. 

    I can recall memories of being left alone in the house and freaking out when my parents just popped out to the shops and of course the heart wrenching memories of my parents splitting up. 

    Being so young I didn’t know how this would impact me and later on I realised I would get very easily and anxiously attached to men I dated. It wasn’t til I did the work I was able to move forward and free myself from this limiting narrative and conditioning. 

    The impact of your family and the boundaries you have

    So back to familial relationships and boundaries here are some ways in which this can unfold in your life.

    Chaotic upbringing

    Perhaps if you grew up in a chaotic upbringing, you desire more security and control and so you exert firm boundaries as a means of power and distilled down for your safety. 

    A healthy boundary for this would be discussing any suspicions of a partner cheating instead of harbouring resentment, making assumptions or making a rule to be able to always check and read each other’s messages.

    No boundaries

    Perhaps you grew up in a household where there were no boundaries, what we know to be as enmeshed families to differing degrees – you spoke to your parents about everything and in turn they knew everything about your business and you knew everything about theirs. 

    A healthy boundary for this would be giving your parents a general update on your dating life but at the end of the day you will date who you desire.

    Spending time with your family

    Perhaps you grew up expected to spend all your time with your family and now you feel very guilty for having your own life and spending time apart from your family. 

    Or maybe it was that if someone felt sad in your family, everyone was expected to feel sad too. 

    Maybe your family played a very active role in your academic or social life – pushing things to be a certain way. All of these things play a role in the formation of your boundaries. 

    A practical strategy to understand how your family influenced your boundaries

    For a moment put yourself in a time machine to when you were younger and you said “I don’t want to” or “I don’t like…” or “why do I have to do this…?” 

    Really as a child we are made to do a lot of things we may not necessarily want to as we are learning and growing – being made to speak to or see certain people, eat particular foods, extra curricular activities before, at and after school.

    How did your family react? That can help inform a lot about the conditioning you have when it comes to boundaries. 

    Know that boundaries develop over time, for example the significant shift occurs as you go from a child to an adult particularly on your independence. Maybe your family dynamics change, divorce happens or new partners in the family happen.

    Boundaries aren't evil or made to hurt anyone

    Boundaries aren’t an evil tool in place to hurt other people or let them down.

    Boundaries are the opposite, they protect you and strengthen your relationships. When you can feel safe and at ease with yourself and the world around you, that benefits everyone.

    Boundaries and cultural conditioning

    Boundaries particularly feel difficult on particular occasions such as Mother’s Day which has just happened or holiday season such as Christmas. Cultural conditioning comes into play – it’s that feeling of ‘you have to spend time with your family’, ‘you should be nice to your family’ and so forth. 

    So how do you overcome this? By getting curious. By stepping back and being the awareness of observer of the stories. Oh this makes sense because “society as a whole expects you to spend time with your family.” 

    Just because it’s a holiday it doesn’t mean you have to talk to a toxic family member again or even spend time with them if it makes you feel upset and uncomfortable. 

    Go deeper and bring it back to the self – do the inner work. Notice your triggers. See the patterns. If you have difficulty this is where someone like myself, a life coach, can help you, or another profession such as a psychologist. 

    Note: Listening to the episode on bringing awareness to your inner child can help and be a good start!

    Your boundaries are yours

    At the end of the day your boundaries exist for you and are created solely by you. 

    Give yourself permission to have boundaries because they are important for your safety and wellbeing. 

    You know yourself best and it’s healthy to do what’s best for you. 

    It’s healthy because in order for you to be your best for those you love, you need to be at your best. 

    Episode closing Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang 27: Normalising Boundaries With Family

    Understand that it is often difficult and uncomfortable to set boundaries again depending on your programming and conditioning. So be patient, gentle, kind and compassionate with yourself. Know that the rewards of having healthy boundaries are worth the uncomfortable journey of enacting boundaries with our loved ones. At the end of the day if your family love you they would want to respect you in the same way that you would want to as well.

    Until next Tuesday beautiful souls for another episode of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, love and positivity. 

    [Episode 27 – Normalising Boundaries With Family Outro]

    Are you wanting to find out more about 1:1 Coaching or working with me? Maybe perhaps you want to know more about me. I’d love to connect with you. You can visit my website phidang.com or connect with me on Instagram @thephidang. Speak to you soon.

    Click here to read more

  • Trauma isn’t just in your mind and thoughts

    Our society is so ingrained in our heads, in our minds and the thoughts we have 🧠

    Whilst mindset is important it isn’t everything.

    Working with my clients I’ve really delved into body work: energy. 

    How does it feel to be inside your body?

    Working together through breath work and meditation to be present.

    EFT (energetic freedom technique) to release and move old energy.

    The head has merits but so does your body. It’s so intelligent and it wants to communicate with you. Through heart, soul, gut… the feels ✨

    So don’t dismiss your body.

    From what I’ve found the mind lies, the body doesn’t…

    The fear you feel when you’re scared or anxious.

    The heart ache you feel from grief or loss.

    The pure joy of happiness… ☺️

    love & positivity ✨ phi 👁

     

    Click here to read more

  • 26 – Toxic Positivity

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    Episode Summary of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 26: Toxic Positivity

    Toxic Positivity masquerades itself as positivity when it is the complete opposite. Learn about what toxic positivity is and how you may be doing it without even knowing! I’ll give you tips on how to avoid being the source of toxic positivity, how toxic positivity can make someone feel and what if you are the negative person.

    What you'll learn from this episode

    • What is toxic positivity
    • The human experience
    • Your brain and toxic positivity
    • Toxic Positivity quotes
    • The signs of toxic positivity
    • What happens as a result of toxic positivity?
    • How to avoid being a source of toxic positivity?
    • What if you are the negative person?

    Key Quotes from this Episode

    To be human means to feel on the full spectrum all emotions deeply.

    Phi Dang

    We aren’t robots programmed to only feel a certain way and only have certain types of thoughts.

    Phi Dang

    We have all and will continue to experience negativity in our lives. It doesn’t make you a negative person it makes you a human experiencing negativity.

    Phi Dang

    Featured Resources on the episode

    Show Transcript

    [Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:

    Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.

    Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.

    My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”

    My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.

    Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.

    This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.

    Ready to grow? Let’s grow!

    [Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]

    [Episode 26 – Toxic Positivity]

    Toxic Positivity Introduction

    Hello beautiful soul! 

    I am feeling absolute joy and elation after the Manifestation Magic Masterclass, within a few hours those who attended are already receiving signs from the universe – so so exciting. I even got a beautiful message from Carol who said:

    “I can’t stop thinking about the manifestation magic masterclass today, Phi, it was so good! I can’t explain it. It was like walking into a class that I didn’t want to finish! Thank you for so much love for your insight and for being you, all you. Like omg! I mean the energy just no words!”

    Ahhh my heart and soul!

    I’ll be uploading a replay of the class available for purchase this week – so if you’re interested please DM me and I can get that to you even faster.

    So May is Mental Health Month in many countries which confused me because apparently Australia is October but anyway in honour of that and the fact that mental health day should be every day I want to speak about toxic positivity.

    What is toxic positivity?

    Toxic positivity masquerades itself as being positive when really it’s the completely opposite.

    It’s the belief and attitude that no matter what is happening you should always be happy and have positive thoughts.

    Hello! We are humans, we are souls having a human experience.

    To be human means to feel on the full spectrum all emotions deeply.

    We aren’t robots programmed to only feel a certain way and only have certain types of thoughts. 

    This overly optimistic state denies, minimises and invalidates the human experience.

    The subconscious mind and toxic positivity

    In our subconscious minds based on largely social conditioning and our programming that life is black and white.

    Positive = good. Negative = bad.

    This is largely too simple and negates the shades of grey between.

    Toxic positivity quotes

    I love these quotes which encapsulates everything nicely when it comes to toxic positivity.

    “I’d rather be whole than good.”

    Carl Jung

    “Positive thinking is a coping mechanism, an automatic coping mechanism. It is void of life. Feeling and experiencing the realness of what is actually happening are the essences of being alive. Feeling, connecting, reacting to the flow-- this is all living. Positive thinking happens in the head, meanwhile, it denies the heart its authentic, genuine feelings. Not only does it have the potential to rob you of real and deeper connection which is ultimately necessary to living a passionate and compassionate life; but it even has the potential to cut you off from reality itself. A mask that you put on your face, other people's faces, and throw over everything around you. We do not become positive by refusing to be real. We become positive people by really living, really feeling, and really rising above anything that would threaten to sink us. You can't even see what threatens to sink you if you refuse to acknowledge that it's even there. Why did Titanic sink? Someone refused to see the icebergs.”

    C. JoyBell. C

    I've been a source of toxic positivity and you probably have too...

    It’s ok not to be ok. You are not alone and someone out there is wanting and ready to help you.

    I’m known as the positivity queen too and I am certainly not happy all the time. Positivity is my attitude – it’s knowing that no matter what happens I can find the silver lining, I can learn and I can grow which is my lens of positivity. 

    I’ve definitely been guilty of saying things like “it could be worse” or “try be positive” and you may have to.

    Bring awareness to toxic positivity

    I wasn’t aware it could make someone feel worse.

    The beauty of awareness is that you have the power to change.

    You have the power of consciousness!

    What are the signs of toxic positivity?

    • Using blanket positive statements like “good vibes only here” or “be happy”
    • Not listening and validating someone’s experience and jumping to your experience “you’ll get over it”
    • Shaming someone for not feeling happy or positive
    • Avoiding your own emotions that you label negative – for you to see negativity in someone else you must recognise it in yourself otherwise how would you know?
    • Hiding how you truly feel about something

    What happens as a result of toxic positivity?

    People feel ashamed of their emotions and feel invalidated.

    When you are overly positivity and pushing positivity on someone else it can seem insincere to the other person.

    They don’t want to be and show their true selves so they become inauthentic, hiding or creating a persona to the world.

    This can lead to surprising emotions which leads to increased stress in the body which can sometimes even be stored energetically in the body.

    Additionally when we aren’t able to feel our feelings it prevents us from growing. It can keep us stuck in hurt, pain and anxiety. 

    Challenging feelings can ultimately lead to greater growth because we learn from them.

    How to avoid being a source of toxic positivity?

    Be aware and conscious with your language.

    For example instead of saying “you’ll get over it” you can say something along the lines of “It sounds like you’re going through a tough time. I believe in you”. 

    Can you feel the difference in the energy there?

    Substitute “don’t be so negative” to “it’s okay to not be okay sometimes.”

    “Think happy thoughts” becomes “I love you and I am here for you.”

    “It could be worse” to “Life has its ups and downs. How can I best support you?”

    “You shouldn’t feel bad or negative” to “We experience a full spectrum of emotions in life and that’s okay.”

    The influence of social media on toxic positivity

    I would also add to this to remember about celebrities, pop culture and social media that is isn’t 110% real. Most of what we see online is someone’s highlights reel which is carefully curated. It’s not reality and ironically reality TV isn’t real either.

    I’m sure you can relate, I’ve definitely been hurting after a break up and posting photos and stories looking all happy when deep down I was sad.

    Perhaps you’re going through a hard time and post throwback photos or stalk an ex or someone you used to date when really you are nostalgic for past happier times.

    What if I’m the negative person?

    We have all and will continue to experience negativity in our lives. It doesn’t make you a negative person it makes you a human experiencing negativity.

    If the negativity is overwhelming reach out to your doctor, a mental health expert or even a life coach such as myself. I work with many clients to get them unstuck and out of their negative self talk.

    My tips are:

    Allow yourself to be negative because you are human. Bring awareness to your emotions. What is the negativity label about an experience, circumstance or person in your life revealing to you?

    It’s okay to feel a mix of emotions again we aren’t robots set to one default emotion. You can be happy and sad at the same time.

    Episode closing Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang 26: Toxic Positivity

    The goal isn’t to be happy and positive all the time. It’s to be strong and in your power knowing that no matter what happens in life you will be ok and you can handle it!

    Let’s keep the conversation going on mental health to break the stigma and raise more awareness of how important mental health is.

    Until next Tuesday, love and positivity. 

    [Episode 26 – Toxic Positivity Outro]

    Are you wanting to find out more about 1:1 Coaching or working with me? Maybe perhaps you want to know more about me. I’d love to connect with you. You can visit my website phidang.com or connect with me on Instagram @thephidang. Speak to you soon.

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