Month: May 2021

  • The secret to feeling lighter and more free instantly?

    The secret to being instantly light and free

    Want to know the secret to feeling lighter and more free instantly?

    It is being here in the present moment.

    Here right now.

    The past is dead and gone.

    Yet we replay scenarios over and over in our head.

    How could I have done it better or differently?

    Why can’t life be like that again?

    The future hasn’t just happened.

    We obsess with getting to the final destination when everything is right with life.

    All we desire is a reality.

    Right here, is just right.

    Letting everything pop up and flow.

    Here, is. You just are.

    It is when we fight the present moment – falling back into the past or concentrating on the future that we deny reality.

    As a result we suffer. We get lost in our thoughts and identified with our mind. The stories. The DRAMAAAA!

    You lose the vibrancy of life.

    Time just slipping by…

    Return to here and now.

    It starts with this awareness and expands to creating space.

    Where are you? Are you here right now?

    Having trouble accessing the present moment? I can help you.

    Let’s work together through 1:1 coaching to overcome your negative self talk and draining mind chatter. Freedom is possible 🦋

    love & positivity ✨ phi 👁

    Click here to read more

  • 27: Normalising Boundaries With Family

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    Episode Summary of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 27: Normalising Boundaries With Family

    Family and boundaries. Just because they are your family doesn’t mean they are exempt from boundaries. Boundaries exist to help and protect you in addition to strengthening all your relationships especially and including your family.

    What you'll learn from this episode

    • Why boundaries also apply to your family​
    • How your boundaries are formed as a child
    • What are boundaries
    • How boundaries are formed
    • The influence of family on boundaries – your upbringing
    • The 3 crucial things a life coach wants you to know about boundaries
    • How we recreate familial situations as an adult particularly in romantic relationships
    • Practical family scenarios and their influence on boundaries
    • A practical strategy to understand how your family influenced your boundaries​
    • Boundaries and cultural conditioning​
    • A life coach’s insight on boundaries

    Key Quotes from this Episode

    Boundaries are a beautiful tool - they help you to be true to who you are and be in your full expression in life!

    Phi Dang

    Boundaries apply to everybody not just one particular type of relationship.

    Phi Dang

    People cannot mind read so you can’t expect people to just know boundaries

    Phi Dang

    Featured Resources on the episode

    Show Transcript

    [Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:

    Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.

    Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.

    My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”

    My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.

    Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.

    This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.

    Ready to grow? Let’s grow!

    [Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]

    [Episode 27 – Normalising Boundaries With Family]

    Normalising Boundaries With Family Introduction

    Hi beautiful soul!

    Wherever you are right now and whatever you are doing I hope you are doing well and fully present! 

    I’ve actually started listening to more podcasts when I drive, so if you’re driving full focus on the road whilst absorbing this podcast. 

    In fact a few of you have written to let me know you love listening whilst driving too and re-listening at home when you can fully take in everything and write notes. 

    Welcoming a new 1:1 client!

    First of all I wanted to do a huge shout and congratulations to my new 1:1 client S wooohooo beautiful soul I’m so excited to be working with you – my first client from London! In our initial consultation chat S was blown with the breakthroughs and realisations she was having about her anxiety and perspective regarding her career and feeling held back from getting a promotion. She’s now stepped into her power and I can’t wait to see what the next few months working with her will lead to!

    Work with Phi

    If you’ve been tuning in for a while, finding my posts resonating and feel the pull to work with me – please get in touch – I would love to work with you as I have done with my clients to help you overcome your negative self talk and limiting beliefs so you can start living your best life, your next level of growth and evolution! 

    Why boundaries also apply to your family

    Today’s episode is inspired and rooted in my latest Instagram post which I did on Sunday to coincide with Mother’s Day. Part of that post was being really firm with boundaries even for and especially for family members like your mum.

    I want to start the episode with a key insight for you: your family at the end of the day are human just like you. They aren’t on a pedestal, we are all and in one the same. From the same source which you may call God, Universe, Spirit, Source, Infinite Intelligence – whatever resonates best with you. 

    Labels of mum, dad, sibling are what we give to identify the relationship to the person. They are also roles, you are a daughter or son to someone, perhaps even a sibling.

    Just because they are your family it doesn’t mean boundaries don’t apply to them. Boundaries apply to everybody not just one particular type of relationship.

    How your boundaries are formed as a child

    And here comes the journey of navigating and understanding the huge role our families play in the formation and enactment of our boundaries.

    So many things we believe – how we act, what we believe to be true is formed and learnt from birth and as children. 

    We are always consciously and subconsciously absorbing the world around us like sponges that in turn create our programming and conditioning. 

    This can become tricky when you are so accustomed to a certain way and belief that perhaps you may not even realise the situations around you are unhealthy, in fact you think it is ‘normal’ based on your upbringing and conditioning.

    How your upbringing and family influence your boundaries

    Depending on how you were raised – boundaries may or may not be a thing. 

    Simply put, boundaries are what you put in place whether physically, mentally, emotionally, morally, financially and so forth to protect yourself and what behaviour you will allow. 

    As a baseline boundaries are ensuring you are respected. That goes both ways including respecting your own self and being firm and following through with the boundaries you set. 

    Think of them as sliding doors, used when needed. 

    Boundaries are a beautiful tool – they help you to be true to who you are and be in your full expression in life!

    The importance of clearly explained boundaries

    Whilst I’m talking about boundaries, from my experience as a life coach I can’t stress how important it is to clearly communicate and define your boundaries. 

    People cannot mind read so you can’t expect people to just know boundaries – if you tell them clearly there cannot be any confusion.

    How we recreate familial situations as an adult particularly in romantic relationships

    On the topic of family and our boundaries, it is in fact our family relationships which form the foundation and groundwork for a lot of other relationships we go on to have in our lives particularly romantic relationships. We often recreate familial situations in romantic relationships consciously and unconsciously.

    A common example that I identify with is fear of being abandoned. Growing up as an only child, having my parents divorced I had developed a fear of being alone and abandoned. 

    I can recall memories of being left alone in the house and freaking out when my parents just popped out to the shops and of course the heart wrenching memories of my parents splitting up. 

    Being so young I didn’t know how this would impact me and later on I realised I would get very easily and anxiously attached to men I dated. It wasn’t til I did the work I was able to move forward and free myself from this limiting narrative and conditioning. 

    The impact of your family and the boundaries you have

    So back to familial relationships and boundaries here are some ways in which this can unfold in your life.

    Chaotic upbringing

    Perhaps if you grew up in a chaotic upbringing, you desire more security and control and so you exert firm boundaries as a means of power and distilled down for your safety. 

    A healthy boundary for this would be discussing any suspicions of a partner cheating instead of harbouring resentment, making assumptions or making a rule to be able to always check and read each other’s messages.

    No boundaries

    Perhaps you grew up in a household where there were no boundaries, what we know to be as enmeshed families to differing degrees – you spoke to your parents about everything and in turn they knew everything about your business and you knew everything about theirs. 

    A healthy boundary for this would be giving your parents a general update on your dating life but at the end of the day you will date who you desire.

    Spending time with your family

    Perhaps you grew up expected to spend all your time with your family and now you feel very guilty for having your own life and spending time apart from your family. 

    Or maybe it was that if someone felt sad in your family, everyone was expected to feel sad too. 

    Maybe your family played a very active role in your academic or social life – pushing things to be a certain way. All of these things play a role in the formation of your boundaries. 

    A practical strategy to understand how your family influenced your boundaries

    For a moment put yourself in a time machine to when you were younger and you said “I don’t want to” or “I don’t like…” or “why do I have to do this…?” 

    Really as a child we are made to do a lot of things we may not necessarily want to as we are learning and growing – being made to speak to or see certain people, eat particular foods, extra curricular activities before, at and after school.

    How did your family react? That can help inform a lot about the conditioning you have when it comes to boundaries. 

    Know that boundaries develop over time, for example the significant shift occurs as you go from a child to an adult particularly on your independence. Maybe your family dynamics change, divorce happens or new partners in the family happen.

    Boundaries aren't evil or made to hurt anyone

    Boundaries aren’t an evil tool in place to hurt other people or let them down.

    Boundaries are the opposite, they protect you and strengthen your relationships. When you can feel safe and at ease with yourself and the world around you, that benefits everyone.

    Boundaries and cultural conditioning

    Boundaries particularly feel difficult on particular occasions such as Mother’s Day which has just happened or holiday season such as Christmas. Cultural conditioning comes into play – it’s that feeling of ‘you have to spend time with your family’, ‘you should be nice to your family’ and so forth. 

    So how do you overcome this? By getting curious. By stepping back and being the awareness of observer of the stories. Oh this makes sense because “society as a whole expects you to spend time with your family.” 

    Just because it’s a holiday it doesn’t mean you have to talk to a toxic family member again or even spend time with them if it makes you feel upset and uncomfortable. 

    Go deeper and bring it back to the self – do the inner work. Notice your triggers. See the patterns. If you have difficulty this is where someone like myself, a life coach, can help you, or another profession such as a psychologist. 

    Note: Listening to the episode on bringing awareness to your inner child can help and be a good start!

    Your boundaries are yours

    At the end of the day your boundaries exist for you and are created solely by you. 

    Give yourself permission to have boundaries because they are important for your safety and wellbeing. 

    You know yourself best and it’s healthy to do what’s best for you. 

    It’s healthy because in order for you to be your best for those you love, you need to be at your best. 

    Episode closing Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang 27: Normalising Boundaries With Family

    Understand that it is often difficult and uncomfortable to set boundaries again depending on your programming and conditioning. So be patient, gentle, kind and compassionate with yourself. Know that the rewards of having healthy boundaries are worth the uncomfortable journey of enacting boundaries with our loved ones. At the end of the day if your family love you they would want to respect you in the same way that you would want to as well.

    Until next Tuesday beautiful souls for another episode of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, love and positivity. 

    [Episode 27 – Normalising Boundaries With Family Outro]

    Are you wanting to find out more about 1:1 Coaching or working with me? Maybe perhaps you want to know more about me. I’d love to connect with you. You can visit my website phidang.com or connect with me on Instagram @thephidang. Speak to you soon.

    Click here to read more

  • Trauma isn’t just in your mind and thoughts

    Our society is so ingrained in our heads, in our minds and the thoughts we have 🧠

    Whilst mindset is important it isn’t everything.

    Working with my clients I’ve really delved into body work: energy. 

    How does it feel to be inside your body?

    Working together through breath work and meditation to be present.

    EFT (energetic freedom technique) to release and move old energy.

    The head has merits but so does your body. It’s so intelligent and it wants to communicate with you. Through heart, soul, gut… the feels ✨

    So don’t dismiss your body.

    From what I’ve found the mind lies, the body doesn’t…

    The fear you feel when you’re scared or anxious.

    The heart ache you feel from grief or loss.

    The pure joy of happiness… ☺️

    love & positivity ✨ phi 👁

     

    Click here to read more

  • 26 – Toxic Positivity

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    Episode Summary of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 26: Toxic Positivity

    Toxic Positivity masquerades itself as positivity when it is the complete opposite. Learn about what toxic positivity is and how you may be doing it without even knowing! I’ll give you tips on how to avoid being the source of toxic positivity, how toxic positivity can make someone feel and what if you are the negative person.

    What you'll learn from this episode

    • What is toxic positivity
    • The human experience
    • Your brain and toxic positivity
    • Toxic Positivity quotes
    • The signs of toxic positivity
    • What happens as a result of toxic positivity?
    • How to avoid being a source of toxic positivity?
    • What if you are the negative person?

    Key Quotes from this Episode

    To be human means to feel on the full spectrum all emotions deeply.

    Phi Dang

    We aren’t robots programmed to only feel a certain way and only have certain types of thoughts.

    Phi Dang

    We have all and will continue to experience negativity in our lives. It doesn’t make you a negative person it makes you a human experiencing negativity.

    Phi Dang

    Featured Resources on the episode

    Show Transcript

    [Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:

    Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.

    Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.

    My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”

    My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.

    Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.

    This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.

    Ready to grow? Let’s grow!

    [Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]

    [Episode 26 – Toxic Positivity]

    Toxic Positivity Introduction

    Hello beautiful soul! 

    I am feeling absolute joy and elation after the Manifestation Magic Masterclass, within a few hours those who attended are already receiving signs from the universe – so so exciting. I even got a beautiful message from Carol who said:

    “I can’t stop thinking about the manifestation magic masterclass today, Phi, it was so good! I can’t explain it. It was like walking into a class that I didn’t want to finish! Thank you for so much love for your insight and for being you, all you. Like omg! I mean the energy just no words!”

    Ahhh my heart and soul!

    I’ll be uploading a replay of the class available for purchase this week – so if you’re interested please DM me and I can get that to you even faster.

    So May is Mental Health Month in many countries which confused me because apparently Australia is October but anyway in honour of that and the fact that mental health day should be every day I want to speak about toxic positivity.

    What is toxic positivity?

    Toxic positivity masquerades itself as being positive when really it’s the completely opposite.

    It’s the belief and attitude that no matter what is happening you should always be happy and have positive thoughts.

    Hello! We are humans, we are souls having a human experience.

    To be human means to feel on the full spectrum all emotions deeply.

    We aren’t robots programmed to only feel a certain way and only have certain types of thoughts. 

    This overly optimistic state denies, minimises and invalidates the human experience.

    The subconscious mind and toxic positivity

    In our subconscious minds based on largely social conditioning and our programming that life is black and white.

    Positive = good. Negative = bad.

    This is largely too simple and negates the shades of grey between.

    Toxic positivity quotes

    I love these quotes which encapsulates everything nicely when it comes to toxic positivity.

    “I’d rather be whole than good.”

    Carl Jung

    “Positive thinking is a coping mechanism, an automatic coping mechanism. It is void of life. Feeling and experiencing the realness of what is actually happening are the essences of being alive. Feeling, connecting, reacting to the flow-- this is all living. Positive thinking happens in the head, meanwhile, it denies the heart its authentic, genuine feelings. Not only does it have the potential to rob you of real and deeper connection which is ultimately necessary to living a passionate and compassionate life; but it even has the potential to cut you off from reality itself. A mask that you put on your face, other people's faces, and throw over everything around you. We do not become positive by refusing to be real. We become positive people by really living, really feeling, and really rising above anything that would threaten to sink us. You can't even see what threatens to sink you if you refuse to acknowledge that it's even there. Why did Titanic sink? Someone refused to see the icebergs.”

    C. JoyBell. C

    I've been a source of toxic positivity and you probably have too...

    It’s ok not to be ok. You are not alone and someone out there is wanting and ready to help you.

    I’m known as the positivity queen too and I am certainly not happy all the time. Positivity is my attitude – it’s knowing that no matter what happens I can find the silver lining, I can learn and I can grow which is my lens of positivity. 

    I’ve definitely been guilty of saying things like “it could be worse” or “try be positive” and you may have to.

    Bring awareness to toxic positivity

    I wasn’t aware it could make someone feel worse.

    The beauty of awareness is that you have the power to change.

    You have the power of consciousness!

    What are the signs of toxic positivity?

    • Using blanket positive statements like “good vibes only here” or “be happy”
    • Not listening and validating someone’s experience and jumping to your experience “you’ll get over it”
    • Shaming someone for not feeling happy or positive
    • Avoiding your own emotions that you label negative – for you to see negativity in someone else you must recognise it in yourself otherwise how would you know?
    • Hiding how you truly feel about something

    What happens as a result of toxic positivity?

    People feel ashamed of their emotions and feel invalidated.

    When you are overly positivity and pushing positivity on someone else it can seem insincere to the other person.

    They don’t want to be and show their true selves so they become inauthentic, hiding or creating a persona to the world.

    This can lead to surprising emotions which leads to increased stress in the body which can sometimes even be stored energetically in the body.

    Additionally when we aren’t able to feel our feelings it prevents us from growing. It can keep us stuck in hurt, pain and anxiety. 

    Challenging feelings can ultimately lead to greater growth because we learn from them.

    How to avoid being a source of toxic positivity?

    Be aware and conscious with your language.

    For example instead of saying “you’ll get over it” you can say something along the lines of “It sounds like you’re going through a tough time. I believe in you”. 

    Can you feel the difference in the energy there?

    Substitute “don’t be so negative” to “it’s okay to not be okay sometimes.”

    “Think happy thoughts” becomes “I love you and I am here for you.”

    “It could be worse” to “Life has its ups and downs. How can I best support you?”

    “You shouldn’t feel bad or negative” to “We experience a full spectrum of emotions in life and that’s okay.”

    The influence of social media on toxic positivity

    I would also add to this to remember about celebrities, pop culture and social media that is isn’t 110% real. Most of what we see online is someone’s highlights reel which is carefully curated. It’s not reality and ironically reality TV isn’t real either.

    I’m sure you can relate, I’ve definitely been hurting after a break up and posting photos and stories looking all happy when deep down I was sad.

    Perhaps you’re going through a hard time and post throwback photos or stalk an ex or someone you used to date when really you are nostalgic for past happier times.

    What if I’m the negative person?

    We have all and will continue to experience negativity in our lives. It doesn’t make you a negative person it makes you a human experiencing negativity.

    If the negativity is overwhelming reach out to your doctor, a mental health expert or even a life coach such as myself. I work with many clients to get them unstuck and out of their negative self talk.

    My tips are:

    Allow yourself to be negative because you are human. Bring awareness to your emotions. What is the negativity label about an experience, circumstance or person in your life revealing to you?

    It’s okay to feel a mix of emotions again we aren’t robots set to one default emotion. You can be happy and sad at the same time.

    Episode closing Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang 26: Toxic Positivity

    The goal isn’t to be happy and positive all the time. It’s to be strong and in your power knowing that no matter what happens in life you will be ok and you can handle it!

    Let’s keep the conversation going on mental health to break the stigma and raise more awareness of how important mental health is.

    Until next Tuesday, love and positivity. 

    [Episode 26 – Toxic Positivity Outro]

    Are you wanting to find out more about 1:1 Coaching or working with me? Maybe perhaps you want to know more about me. I’d love to connect with you. You can visit my website phidang.com or connect with me on Instagram @thephidang. Speak to you soon.

    Click here to read more

  • Hell no to this one very toxic thing you think

    Hell no to being positive all the time

    We hear people say this all the time and it truly is very damaging to us.

    Just BE POSITIVE.

    Positive thoughts only.

    Good vibes only.

    NooOoope.

    We aren’t robots set to one default feeling or mental concept only.

    And even if we were how boring would life be…

    And what you resist persists.

    It makes you feel worse trying to force yourself to feel a certain way or think a certain way.

    It’s damn draining and tiring.

    It’s not about being positive all the time or even being positive at all.

    It’s about being in your POWER.

    You don’t need to label anything.

    Grounding yourself in your essence and strength.

    No matter what happens or thoughts you’re going to be okay.

    You got this.

    Allow it all because it’s life, it’s a part of the human experience.

    So bring on whatever – “positive” or “negative thoughts” you got this 👊🏽

    Want to work on your personal power and strength? I got you! Lets work together 🥰

    love & positivity (but not all the time 🤪) ✨ phi 👁

    Click here to read more

  • Wisdom is more than knowledge

    Even if you have all of the knowledge, learn from the best mentors, access the best courses… it is nothing without putting it into practice.

    Embodying what you learn.

    Talking the talk, walking the walk.

    We think wisdom resides only in our minds… 🧠

    What about your body’s innate wisdom?

    Your soul, your intuition is the GPS.

    The nudges.

    The gut feelings.

    The vibrations.

    Wisdom beyond the logical and rational… ✨

    This wisdom is always readily available and open to you.

    The real question is are you readily available and open to it?

    love & positivity ✨ phi 👁

    ⚡️ looking to reconnect with your body and unlock your innate wisdom? Feel into your body, tap into your intuition? I would love to help you through 1:1 coaching ✨

    Click here to read more

  • May is Mental Health Month 2021

    Mental Health Month May 2021 Reminders

    MAY IS MENTAL HEALTH MONTH 🧡 9 Powerful Reminders You Need To Hear (refer to post above and move through the carousel) 

    Mental health is for a conversation and important every single day not just in May (which is to raise awareness).

    Mental health does not discriminate.

    It happens to anyone at any age, gender, race and place in their life.

    Even if you’ve done the work, done the healing, seen professionals it can pop back up again.

    Mental health is a journey not a destination.

    Mental health is not being happy all the time and thinking positively.

    There’s nothing wrong with you for having a diagnosis. It does not define you.

    It’s not weird or shameful to have a diagnosis.

    Looking after your mental health looks different for everyone.

    You are not alone.

    Please tag, send and share this with everyone. Let’s raise awareness for mental health and reduce the stigma surrounding mental health. Let’s talk about it to create conversation and change for the better 👊🏽

    Click here to read more

  • Your thoughts are not facts

    PSA: Your thoughts are not facts. Just because your mind says you’re not good enough or worthy enough or smart enough and the list goes on… it doesn’t mean it’s true.

    Your thoughts are formed from your subconscious which is a product of your experiences – growing up, the people around you, environments, beliefs, values and so forth.

    Remember: you are not your thoughts.

    love & positivity ✨ Phi 👁

    👉🏾 Ready to dive into your subconscious to understand why your thoughts are they way they are? Let’s chat about working together through 1:1 coaching ⚡️

    Click here to read more

  • You have to remember that time is a gift

    Time is a Gift

    A reminder for LIFE. The most precious thing that is borrowed to you is TIME.

    No matter how rich you are.

    No matter how successful you are.

    No matter how good of a person you are.

    No matter how hard you work.

    No matter how much you donate to charity.

    No matter how much you beg.

    No matter what… YOU CANNOT BUY MORE TIME.

    Your time and energy are your most precious currencies 🧡

    Money? That comes and goes.

    But time does not.

    Make the most of it.

    I learnt the hardest way after my dad passed away at 19.

    I hope you don’t have to experience grief, loss, death and destruction to understand how precious life is.

    And if you have?

    How beautiful that we get to live, in spirit and the full love of the ones we’ve lost.

    They’re physically gone but always here in our hearts and energy field in their eternal form of the soul.

    I wish for you so much joy, magic and happiness beautiful soul.

    love & positivity ✨ phi 👁

    Click here to read more

  • When you grow, you will meet resistance

    The path to expansion and consciousness is not easy. If it was everyone would be doing it!

    It’s a path paved of triggers and resistance.

    Oh? I have to drop everything that I “think” I know? 🧠

    Your identity.

    Who you know yourself to be based on your past and the experiences you’ve had.

    The opinions and recognition of others.

    How you are defined in relation to your family, friends, colleagues and partner.

    Your beliefs.

    This has to be true because you say so…? Or is it? How did you form this belief? Is it yours? Where did it come from? 🤔

    Your life story made up of past moments, who you think you are now and who you want to be constructed in the future.

    Your opinions. You must have one or you have one and people need to hear it!!!?

    And the hardest of all… your ego!

    The resistance is normal. It’s showing you where you are keeping yourself small and stuck.

    Open up.

    Melt to the resistance.

    Be with the resistance 🧡

    You’ll see doors 🚪 where there were walls before as they say… ✨

    love & positivity ✨ phi 👁

    ⚡️ feeling a lot of resistance and heaviness? I can help you. Lets work together to lift the load so you can become truly free… 🦋

    Click here to read more