Relationships

  • 16: Relationships as Mirrors

    Episode Summary of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 16: Relationships as Mirrors

    The final episode of the L💘VE SERIES. This episode is all about the purpose of love. Why do we love? We learn how relationships are a mirror of ourselves and the seven essene mirror principles.

     

    What you'll learn from this episode

    • What is the purpose of love
    • Twin Flames as Mirrors 
    • How relationships are mirrors
    • The importance of mental mirrors and physical mirrors
    • The 7 Essene Mirror Principles

    Key Quotes from this Episode

    Healthy relationships don’t happen by chance, they happen by awakening.

    Phi Dang

    Just like how mirrors in a gym provide a reference point to yourself, relationships are a reference point to yourself internally.

    Phi Dang

    Relationships make you see things in yourself that you might not see if you are single and alone.

    Phi Dang

    Featured Resources on the episode

    The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 16: Relationships As Mirrors

    You are listening to Episode 16 of the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang: Relationships as Mirrors.

    [Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:

    Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.

    Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.

    My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”

    My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.

    Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.

    This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.

    Ready to grow? Let’s grow!

    [Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]

    [Episode 16 – Relationships as Mirrors Begins]

    Relationships as Mirrors Introduction

    Hello beautiful soul!

    What a journey it has been for the love series.

    Thank you all for your kind words on the Instagram posts, reels and podcasts so far. I appreciate it so much.

    Thank you all for reaching out to me in the DMs on Instagram, I reply to all my DMs (unless you’re cold selling to me or begging me to follow you back sorry I’m not about that!) and love speaking to each and every one of you.

    Thank you to all my clients, it’s an honour to be part of your life and journey in this very moment. Love and relationships are a key area of my coaching and I am seeing incredible transformations across the board.

    Client Wins in Relationships, Dating and Love

    One of my clients was a self professed crying, heartbroken wreck from an unexpected breakup a few months ago. Two months into our coaching, she attended a party where her ex showed up and she felt like a whole new person – calm, so deeply in love with herself and unaffected by his presence. 

    Another two of my clients have transitioned from casual relationships to committed relationships with their flings and friends with benefits through the incredible work they’ve done working on themselves particularly self love and stepping up through their communication which is amazing, I am so proud of them.

    For my other clients we are working through heartbreak whether that’s moving on from past relationships or breaking up with partners in relationships that no longer serve them. On that I wanted to share, when you do the work and start shifting stagnant energy, don’t be surprised when you find yourself attracted to new energies in your life whether that’s in love, relationships, friendships or your career! I see it happen all the time with myself and my clients.

    If the love series has been really resonating and vibing with you, if my client’s successes are what you want, I invite you to DM me on Instagram – let’s chat about 1:1 coaching and working together. I offer a complementary 45 minute call no strings attached to see if we are the right match for each other, you have nothing to lose, so get it on it beautiful soul – I look forward to speaking with you. 

    The final podcast for the series, the purpose of love

    On today’s episode – I can’t believe we are on our final instalment of the series! We’ve gone from episode 13 on love mindset, to self love on episode 14, to the energetics of love on episode 15 now to ending with the thought around the purpose of love.

    Oh yes we go deep!

    Over the weekend I celebrated a beautiful friend’s birthday and I got speaking to another girl on the trip who is in a place of conflict at the moment.

    She’s not sure about the guy she’s dating. Are they meant to be or not?

    I think we have all been there and then she brings up something interesting.

    He might be her twin flame. 

    It feels like a lifetime ago when I think about twin flames.

    Twin Flames as Mirrors

    I think I met mine at the beginning of my spiritual awakening.

    For those who don’t know what a twin flame is, it’s a very intense soul connection with another to the point you are thought to be another person’s half. The idea of a twin flame is that you are part of one original soul that has been split into two bodies.

    He gave me the book, The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle and the rest is history. In fact I am re reading the book 8 years later and it truly resonates with me now more than ever. To be honest, back then I was only really starting to understand spirituality whereas now I practice it. 

    I fell so deeply and passionately for him but it wasn’t meant to be.

    He was definitely emotionally unavailable and I triggered him big time – especially going through my dad being very ill and passing away. 

    In fact it was very short lived but it served a huge purpose.

    I am so thankful to him that I got to wake up before my dad passed and to share with him I finally understood all the consciousness principles he would speak about long before I even knew what it meant to be awake and conscious. 

    I’ve always been under the belief that we are not meant to be with our twin flames in a lifetime, rather they are a mirror to yourself. A catalyst for your soul growth.

    I believe relationships are some of our biggest spiritual assignment. Healthy relationships don’t happen by chance, they happen by awakening.

    Relationships are reference points

    Relationships make you see things in yourself that you might not see if you are single and alone. You have no reference point. Others can give us a reference point in fact from the beginning of our lives our parents do.

    “You’re such a good girl or boy”

    “You are growing so quickly”

    “It was only yesterday you were a baby!”

    This brings us to today’s episode which is all about relationships as mirrors.

    The purpose of mirrors

    When you go to the gym, there are so many mirrors around. So why all the mirrors?

    Well, for one you can see your form, your technique, if you are doing something properly.

    Two, it’s an ego boost right? Right in front of you, you can see how your body is shaping, yes looking good girl and what your body looks like when you’re working out.

    Just like how mirrors in a gym provide a reference point to yourself, relationships are a reference point to yourself internally. 

    Every relationship we have is a mirror whether it’s romantic or not, whether you are single or not.

    This means your friend, your sibling, your family, your partner, your colleague and so forth. 

    What do you mean a mirror?

    What do I mean by a mirror?

    Well, every quality you see in another whether you like it or not, is a reflection of yourself. Attitudes, behaviours, beliefs, values, programming. In order to recognise a certain quality, you must be able to see it within yourself. What the mirror reflects, you may be aware or unaware of within yourself.

    Once you do the work and you’re aware, you can’t just stop there. It’s one thing to be aware and it’s another thing to do the damn work! If you don’t like what you see in the mirror, don’t get mad at the mirror, clean the mirror.

    And here’s some even deeper insight for you.

    We subconsciously seek out what we need to heal in ourselves in relationships so you can be at ease with mistakes you’ve made. It’s okay, in fact they needed to happen, to teach you, to wake you up no matter how many you make. 

    My personal example of mirroring in relationships

    After all I needed to make mistakes and learn so much when I was single for 8 years!

    A personal example I share with you is that I used to date all the wrong people. In these relationships I felt lonely – I didn’t feel like my needs were being met and I felt unheard. It would be so difficult for them to make time for me or consider me a priority in their life. I felt unworthy when they would not commit to a relationship with me or introduce me to their friends. 

    This pattern would play out for many years, I suspected it had something to do with me but I didn’t do the work. I just scratched upon the surface.

    After doing the work and having a coach, I realised that this all reflected my relationship with myself. 

    I didn’t meet my own needs – I never vocalised what I wanted and I wanted someone else to meet my needs for me. Make me feel loved, special and worthy. I didn’t make myself a priority, I would value their time and bend over backwards to make their schedule work with mine. 

    Oh they can’t meet up that day but can do this day? Ahh! I was meant to meet up with this friend, but if I do, I won’t be able to see them so I’d bail on my friend to see them. A big no no! 

    The commitment phobeness? I wasn’t committed to myself and my growth. I was emotionally unavailable, looking for love where deep down I knew I wouldn’t find someone to reciprocate it because if they did I wasn’t ready. They served as a distraction to needing to love myself, needing to be vulnerable with myself. 

    A two way mirror

    Not only that, mirrors aren’t confined they are two way. What you pick up in a business situation may play itself out in the context of a relationship. For example if you find it hard to ask for a pay rise at work, you may find it hard to ask someone for commitment in a relationship. 

    The Seven Essene Mirrors

    To further delve in to the work of relationships and mirrors is to see it from the seven essene mirrors. 

    The ancient Essenes who’s work are the mirrors, are an ancient Jewish group who are the authors of the Dead Sea Scrolls. The Egyptians called them healers back in the day. 

    Their ancient teachings on the following seven mirrors teach us about how our experiences and relationships reflect different aspects of our selves.

    1. The mirror of the moment

    In another, you see yourself in the present moment. What is going on in your inner world now reflects in your outer world. For example if you feel chaotic inside, your reality will be chaotic on the outside.

    2. The mirror of that which is judged

    In another, you see your own biases and judgement particularly big, energetically charged and emotional reactions.

    3. The mirror of which is lost, given away or taken away

    In another, what can you recognise that you have lost, given away or had taken from yourself? This is to do with your relationship with yourself. 

    By seeing what you lose you may be very attracted out his person because they have what you now want and used to have. 

    It will make you confront your regret perhaps around being ungrateful. It could be innocence, kindness, respect, love, compassion, honesty. All of which you think you have lost can be reclaimed.

    4. The mirror of forgotten love

    In another you see a past way of life or an unfinished relationship. This is where we see patterns repeating themselves over and over, particularly compulsive or addictive behaviours. These usually replay over and over until you learn what you need to know and see what you need to see.

    5. The mirror of mother/father

    In another, you can see the unconscious imprinting of your parents – behaviours, beliefs that aren’t yours to begin with. How are you acting in ways that your parents would have in this situation?

    6. The mirror of your quest into darkness

    In another, you can see the most feared aspects of self worth, trust, abandonment and loneliness. This mirror is all about the challenging and dark times in your life. An experience we know as the ‘dark knight of the soul’ Knowing that it is happening for a reason, for your growth. 

    To trust in yourself that you will find the way and come out stronger, wiser. I found this one harder to explain conceptually so to further share I truly experienced this when I lost my dad. I found myself in a very dark place and would pick up on the darkness in others which I saw in myself. 

    This experience deeply changed me as a person, my perception to life in the best way and has helped me help my clients as I am able to hold space for them, I don’t fear the darkness or shadow parts they see in themselves because I also can see it in myself.  

    7. The mirror of self perception

    In another, you can see how you are. Others will perceive you and treat you according to how you perceive and treat yourself.

    If you are have low self esteem and fail to see the good in yourself, you’ll find others struggling to as well.

    If you are angry, bitter and unloving towards yourself, you’ll find others treating you so.

    The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 16: Relationships As Mirrors Close

    This episode definitely calls for self reflection.

    What is the mirror of your life revealing to you – circumstances which are happening, relationships in your life.

    In the mirror of the moment, here in life it self, this ver moment – are you here now?

    If you are looking to further develop your relationship with yourself and others, get in touch with me and let’s chat about working together through 1:1 coaching. 

    Have a fantastic week ahead beautiful soul, speak to you next Tuesday. Love and Positivity.

    [Episode 16 – Mirrors as Relationships Outro]

    Are you wanting to find out more about 1:1 Coaching or working with me? Maybe perhaps you want to know more about me. I’d love to connect with you. You can visit my website phidang.com or connect with me on Instagram @thephidang. Speak to you soon.

    Click here to read more

  • 13: The Mindset of Love

    Episode Summary of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 13: The Mindset of Love

    This is this first part of four of the brand new L💘VE SERIES. We kickstart the series with mindset. Your love mindset. Your mindset impacts every part of your love life. In this podcast I share 7 mind blowing shifts you can to increase the love in your life.

     

    What you'll learn from this episode

    • What is the mindset of love?
    • How your mindset impacts love
    • 7 mind blowing shifts for a love mindset

    Key Quotes from this Episode

    Love exists in so many forms, people are so quick to jump to the thought of a relationship with someone outside of themselves but really love starts with you.

    Phi Dang

    Love and pain exist in the same place within your heart. So when you shut down to pain and fear, you also shut down to love.

    Phi Dang

    If you don’t understand that love is infinite you will always believe you need others to others to be the source of love.

    Phi Dang

    Featured Resources on the episode

    The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 13: The Mindset of Love

    You are listening to Episode 13 of the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang: The Mindset of Love

    [Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:

    Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.

    Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.

    My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”

    My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.

    Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.

    This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.

    Ready to grow? Let’s grow!

    [Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]

    [Episode 13 – The Mindset of Love Begins]

    Hello beautiful soul and welcome to February oooh la la the month of love!

    So you know how in last week’s episode I scratched my original idea on your brain is a liar and felt called to speak about understanding your negative emotions… well it’s happened again because February is all about love. 

    For the last few weeks I’ve been in a draining and limiting energy, feeling pressured by needing to this and feeling like I should do that but this? This has shifted the energy. Love has transcended the energy. Love has triumphed. Love! I want to do this!

    It’s been a shift in gears to drop out of my head and into my body. Feel deeply into my heart through a lot of embodiment work and movement (I’m loving gentle stretches at the moment and of course cold swims – you feel so alive – cool, refreshing – seriously the colder the better). [Note: Read more about my Wim Hof cold experience where I attended the World’s First Women’s Wim Hof Retreat in the world!]

    I’m tapping into my feminine energy – the emotive, the fluid and leaning into my heart, to what feels right. Listening to my body’s signals, reconnecting with my intuition and I felt called upon to do this new Love Series which you may have seen launch yesterday on my Instagram @thephidang.

    So what is the L💘VE SERIES?

    It’s all about love.

    Love exists in so many forms, people are so quick to jump to the thought of a relationship with someone outside of themselves but really love starts with you. Loving yourself is love. Loving your pet is love. Loving your family is love. Loving your friends is love. Loving your job is love. Loving the ocean is love. Love is everywhere. Love is infinite, love is abundant. Love is your trust nature, the essence of who you are.

    Love is the most beautiful expansive energy, it’s connection, it’s wholeness, it’s light, it’s happiness.

    Love feels like floating in the sky. Love feels warm in your heart. Love transcends time and space. Love is one of the highest frequencies you can vibrate in.

    So why the L💘VE SERIES?

    Valentine’s Day is around the corner which has many of us thinking about love. Reflecting upon love whether you are single or in a relationship. 

    For 8 years of my life, I was single. I remember struggling and wishing I had someone to talk to (which I eventually did – my first life coach was a dating coach fun fact. Thank you V – you changed my life!). I remember feeling alone, even though I wasn’t. I can assure you also as a coach I have heard many client experiences and so many overlap. 

    Most of us have been there. Hating yourself and trying to convince yourself that you do love yourself. Experiencing heartbreak. Feeling numb, cold and closed off. Wanting a relationship so badly. Trying to change ourselves for someone. Feeling jealous and insecure. Unrequited love. Wanting to go back to an ex. Getting back with an ex. Being with someone who is just so wrong for you but it feels so good (sometimes!). Wanting to define the relationship. Being in a situationship. Friends with benefits but you want more, dealing with cheating … The love list goes on.

    The Love Series exists so I can share with you how to approach love through the key pillars of 1:1 coaching: mindset, self love, energy and purpose. To help you feel more love in your life by removing and melting obstacles in your way. To shed your pain and fears. That’s why the love series exists. 

    L💘VE SERIES Competition - Win a 75 minute 1:1 coaching intensive

    I’m so excited for you to join me over the next 4 weeks as I discuss all things love here on the podcast and on my Instagram @thephidang daily in the feed and stories. Announcing here first, to celebrate the launch of the L💘VE SERIES, I am giving away 3 x 75 minute 1:1 coaching intensives with me worth $320 each. Everyone who writes one I will also personally write you a love letter to thank you! It would mean so much to me and I really appreciate it.

    All you have to do is leave a review in Apple Podcasts during this month February 2021 you will go into the random draw to win. Screenshot your review and DM it to me @thephidang or send it to my email hi@phidang.com. The competition closes 1st of March 2021 [Australian Eastern Standard Time]. Good luck beautiful souls! 

    The Love Mindset

    Be love. Do love.

    Every time you do something out of love, it raises the vibration of the entire universe. 

    Return home to love because love is the essence of your being.

    Be the person you want to be with.

    True, pure love is unencumbered from wanting something in return or having love with conditions.

    If you are familiar with the bible, a Corinthians verse encapsulates love beautifully. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 

    What a beautiful description of what love is.

    Such as a beautiful selflessness, it’s just so much love brimming and flowing from out of you.

    It’s such a natural high.

    Love is without ego. Love is just pure love, it’s always in the best interest, you know – out of love.

    Love is a journey, it won't always be smooth

    I heard this very cheesy corny line but really it’s true:

    "Love is a journey starting at forever and ending at never.”

    Unknown

    Really it’s true though (it is corny!)

    Whether you are single or in a relationship, love is a life long journey.

    Even in love, there is always more love to give beyond a partner.

    When single, love is the journey of self discovery and dating.

    In this journey, it is inevitable to experience heart ache but see it as this.

    See rejection and heartbreak as redirection. 

    Enjoy the journey and you’ll always be in love.

    Stop searching for love outside of yourself only

    Classic movies and fairytales have led us astray when it comes to love. It’s set up unrealistic expectations about love.

    Prince Charming will rescue you.

    When you are in love everything will be better. You will be happier.

    You need someone to complete you.

    Love happens at a young age.

    When you look for love outside of you it will always be out of control and you will always see yourself as a victim. At the mercy of outside external influences.

    Choose to see the other lessons in these tales.

    Be true to yourself (Ariel in the Little Mermaid).

    Give your relationship room to grow (Beauty and the Beast).

    Honesty is the best policy (Mulan).

    Don’t forget about your friends (Snow White).

    The past is in the past. Let it Go (Frozen).

    As you can see I am a massive fan of Disney and it’s so lovely to rewatch the movies as an adult. To see the different lessons you can notice compared to when you were a kid, you just pick up on so much more.

    You have to let love in

    When your heart is closed because you are scared, because you don’t think you are worthy, because you are protecting yourself, you are closing the door to love. 

    Love cannot enter your heart to heal, to restore, to strengthen. 

    Love and pain exist in the same place within your heart. 

    So when you shut down to pain and fear, you also shut down to love.

    Believe you are worthy of love

    Seriously because you are. 

    The biggest block I see with clients is a deep subconscious belief that for some reason they are not good enough or not worthy of love. Love is your birth right. You do not have to do anything to be loveable or worthy of love. 

    The analogy I like to use is that of babies. When babies are born, we immediately love them. 

    We don’t not love them because they can’t do anything or because they cry and can’t control when they go to the bathroom. 

    We just love them.

    They don’t need to do anything to be lovable. 

    You were a baby once, therefore you are already lovable. 

    You don’t have to be a ‘good’ girl or boy, to follow the rules. You don’t have to do a certain job, look a certain way, be a certain weight. You don’t have to be perfect.

    If you aren’t there yet, start asking yourself: 

    If I truly believed I was worthy of love, the love I want, what would I do? How would I act? Would I accept this behaviour?

    Phi Dang

    Infinite love exists

    There seems to be a limiting belief amongst many that love is limited. That it is finite. To that, I want to share with you a Chinese Proverb with you.

    “Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Love never decreases by being shared.”

    Chinese Proverb

    Such a beautiful analogy.

    Love is not scarce for love is abundant.

    An abundant love mindset reminds you that there is not only someone else out there but multiple people out there when you are heartbroken.

    An abundant love mindset reminds you that when it seems like everyone else is coupled up, there are so many out there for you – you just haven’t met them yet.

    An abundant love mindset reminds you not to settle and to expect the best when it comes to love.

    An abundant love mindset doesn’t care how many dates it has to go on, it knows every date is one step closer to the one.

    An abundant love mindset feels whole, full, brimming with love to share.

    If you don’t understand that love is infinite you will always believe you need others to others to be the source of love.

    You get to choose love, you don’t have to wait for it to choose you

    In each and every moment, you can choose love. 

    You can choose love after your heart breaks and you open up again. 

    You start dating again. You let down your walls. In your vulnerability, you choose love. In your hope, you choose love. In your second love, you choose love.

    You can choose love over fear. 

    You choose love when you take the leap of faith. You choose love in believing there is more than one person out there for you. That no two loves will ever be the same but there is so much abundance with love. You may not have even experienced the depths of love. That a love exists out there beyond your comprehension and dreams.

    You can choose love over hate. 

    You choose love when you decide to not seek revenge. You choose love when you forgive. You choose love when you let go. You choose love when you see the positivity.  You choose love when you speak out. 

    You choose love in the little things.

    Love is in the small things. Making dinner. Asking how their day was. Listening. Falling asleep together. Sunday morning. Forehead Kisses. Coffee and Pancakes. 

    The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 13: The Mindset of Love Close

    Ah my heart is seriously filled with so much joy from today’s episode. If you’re feeling called to work on your love mindset, please DM me on Instagram @thephidang as I can help you and would love to. 

    I’ve helped clients heal from heartbreak, move on from ex’s, during the dating progress providing support along the way (if you didn’t know, my 1:1 clients also get text support from me between sessions which is so valuable being able to ask me anything from how do I reply to this text message or how do I work on my feelings of jealousy and insecurity). 

    I’ve even had clients call in love through new relationships. So if you’re hearing the call for coaching, please get in touch and let’s make 2021 your biggest year yet for love.

    Next week’s episode will be about self love and I’m really excited to speak to that! 

    Speak to you next Tuesday beautiful soul. Love and Positivity.

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