Episode Summary of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 26: Toxic Positivity
Toxic Positivity masquerades itself as positivity when it is the complete opposite. Learn about what toxic positivity is and how you may be doing it without even knowing! I’ll give you tips on how to avoid being the source of toxic positivity, how toxic positivity can make someone feel and what if you are the negative person.
What you'll learn from this episode
What is toxic positivity
The human experience
Your brain and toxic positivity
Toxic Positivity quotes
The signs of toxic positivity
What happens as a result of toxic positivity?
How to avoid being a source of toxic positivity?
What if you are the negative person?
Key Quotes from this Episode
To be human means to feel on the full spectrum all emotions deeply.
We aren’t robots programmed to only feel a certain way and only have certain types of thoughts.
We have all and will continue to experience negativity in our lives. It doesn’t make you a negative person it makes you a human experiencing negativity.
[Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:
Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.
Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.
My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”
My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.
Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.
This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.
Ready to grow? Let’s grow!
[Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]
[Episode 26 – Toxic Positivity]
Toxic Positivity Introduction
Hello beautiful soul!
I am feeling absolute joy and elation after the Manifestation Magic Masterclass, within a few hours those who attended are already receiving signs from the universe – so so exciting. I even got a beautiful message from Carol who said:
“I can’t stop thinking about the manifestation magic masterclass today, Phi, it was so good! I can’t explain it. It was like walking into a class that I didn’t want to finish! Thank you for so much love for your insight and for being you, all you. Like omg! I mean the energy just no words!”
Ahhh my heart and soul!
I’ll be uploading a replay of the class available for purchase this week – so if you’re interested please DM me and I can get that to you even faster.
So May is Mental Health Month in many countries which confused me because apparently Australia is October but anyway in honour of that and the fact that mental health day should be every day I want to speak about toxic positivity.
What is toxic positivity?
Toxic positivity masquerades itself as being positive when really it’s the completely opposite.
It’s the belief and attitude that no matter what is happening you should always be happy and have positive thoughts.
Hello! We are humans, we are souls having a human experience.
To be human means to feel on the full spectrum all emotions deeply.
We aren’t robots programmed to only feel a certain way and only have certain types of thoughts.
This overly optimistic state denies, minimises and invalidates the human experience.
The subconscious mind and toxic positivity
In our subconscious minds based on largely social conditioning and our programming that life is black and white.
Positive = good. Negative = bad.
This is largely too simple and negates the shades of grey between.
Toxic positivity quotes
I love these quotes which encapsulates everything nicely when it comes to toxic positivity.
“I’d rather be whole than good.”
“Positive thinking is a coping mechanism, an automatic coping mechanism. It is void of life. Feeling and experiencing the realness of what is actually happening are the essences of being alive. Feeling, connecting, reacting to the flow-- this is all living. Positive thinking happens in the head, meanwhile, it denies the heart its authentic, genuine feelings. Not only does it have the potential to rob you of real and deeper connection which is ultimately necessary to living a passionate and compassionate life; but it even has the potential to cut you off from reality itself. A mask that you put on your face, other people's faces, and throw over everything around you. We do not become positive by refusing to be real. We become positive people by really living, really feeling, and really rising above anything that would threaten to sink us. You can't even see what threatens to sink you if you refuse to acknowledge that it's even there. Why did Titanic sink? Someone refused to see the icebergs.”
I've been a source of toxic positivity and you probably have too...
It’s ok not to be ok. You are not alone and someone out there is wanting and ready to help you.
I’m known as the positivity queen too and I am certainly not happy all the time. Positivity is my attitude – it’s knowing that no matter what happens I can find the silver lining, I can learn and I can grow which is my lens of positivity.
I’ve definitely been guilty of saying things like “it could be worse” or “try be positive” and you may have to.
Bring awareness to toxic positivity
I wasn’t aware it could make someone feel worse.
The beauty of awareness is that you have the power to change.
You have the power of consciousness!
What are the signs of toxic positivity?
Using blanket positive statements like “good vibes only here” or “be happy”
Not listening and validating someone’s experience and jumping to your experience “you’ll get over it”
Shaming someone for not feeling happy or positive
Avoiding your own emotions that you label negative – for you to see negativity in someone else you must recognise it in yourself otherwise how would you know?
Hiding how you truly feel about something
What happens as a result of toxic positivity?
People feel ashamed of their emotions and feel invalidated.
When you are overly positivity and pushing positivity on someone else it can seem insincere to the other person.
They don’t want to be and show their true selves so they become inauthentic, hiding or creating a persona to the world.
This can lead to surprising emotions which leads to increased stress in the body which can sometimes even be stored energetically in the body.
Additionally when we aren’t able to feel our feelings it prevents us from growing. It can keep us stuck in hurt, pain and anxiety.
Challenging feelings can ultimately lead to greater growth because we learn from them.
How to avoid being a source of toxic positivity?
Be aware and conscious with your language.
For example instead of saying “you’ll get over it” you can say something along the lines of “It sounds like you’re going through a tough time. I believe in you”.
Can you feel the difference in the energy there?
Substitute “don’t be so negative” to “it’s okay to not be okay sometimes.”
“Think happy thoughts” becomes “I love you and I am here for you.”
“It could be worse” to “Life has its ups and downs. How can I best support you?”
“You shouldn’t feel bad or negative” to “We experience a full spectrum of emotions in life and that’s okay.”
The influence of social media on toxic positivity
I would also add to this to remember about celebrities, pop culture and social media that is isn’t 110% real. Most of what we see online is someone’s highlights reel which is carefully curated. It’s not reality and ironically reality TV isn’t real either.
I’m sure you can relate, I’ve definitely been hurting after a break up and posting photos and stories looking all happy when deep down I was sad.
Perhaps you’re going through a hard time and post throwback photos or stalk an ex or someone you used to date when really you are nostalgic for past happier times.
What if I’m the negative person?
We have all and will continue to experience negativity in our lives. It doesn’t make you a negative person it makes you a human experiencing negativity.
If the negativity is overwhelming reach out to your doctor, a mental health expert or even a life coach such as myself. I work with many clients to get them unstuck and out of their negative self talk.
My tips are:
Allow yourself to be negative because you are human. Bring awareness to your emotions. What is the negativity label about an experience, circumstance or person in your life revealing to you?
It’s okay to feel a mix of emotions again we aren’t robots set to one default emotion. You can be happy and sad at the same time.
Episode closing Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang 26: Toxic Positivity
The goal isn’t to be happy and positive all the time. It’s to be strong and in your power knowing that no matter what happens in life you will be ok and you can handle it!
Let’s keep the conversation going on mental health to break the stigma and raise more awareness of how important mental health is.
Until next Tuesday, love and positivity.
[Episode 26 – Toxic Positivity Outro]
Are you wanting to find out more about 1:1 Coaching or working with me? Maybe perhaps you want to know more about me. I’d love to connect with you. You can visit my website phidang.com or connect with me on Instagram @thephidang. Speak to you soon.
Feeling down? We all experience ‘good’ and ‘bad’ days, ups and downs, wins and losses.
When times get hard it can be nice to read some inspiring quotes that will cheer you up.
These quotes may also help you a cheer someone up such as a loved one such as a friend, family member or partner.
Radiate love and it will be contagious 🙂
They serve as reminder of how incredible you are.
They serve as a prompt to reframe your thoughts and see an issue from a different perspective.
They serve as a reminder of the love that surrounds you.
Here are some quotes that will cheer you up. They will instil love and positivity within you.
Hopefully these inspiring quotes will bring a smile to your face or a bright moment.
It is important to note that it is okay to feel down or sad at times, we are human and this is normal. Honour yourself and allow yourself to process what you are feeling before moving on.
“Everyone deserves a sad day once in a while,” Calista told me. “Sometimes things are too big for cheering up. Sometimes the best way to make things better is just to let yourself be sad for a little bit.”
Lisa Graff
Note if you are feeling down – reach out to someone you trust, someone who loves you. You are strong for reaching out. Talk to them. Be in silence with them. Just know you are never alone. If you don’t have someone please contact a medical professional such as your doctor or a psychologist who can help.
Sending love, light and positivity always.
Inspirational quotes that will cheer you up
Stay focused on what you desire and want to achieve, it will provide the motivation you need.
“When everything feels like an uphill struggle, just think of the view from the top.”
If you’ve got nothing to dance about, find a reason to sing.
Melody Carstairs
Find the light within you.
Instead of cursing the darkness, light a candle.
Benjamin Franklin
No situation is permanent.
“The bad news is nothing lasts forever, The good news is nothing lasts forever.”
J. COLE
You offer something unique to this world.
“There’s something in you that the world needs.”
UNKNOWN
Spread the love.
The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up.
Mark Twain
Enjoy ever moment before it becomes a memory.
Enjoy the little things and be joyful,for one day you may look back and realize they were actually the things that mattered!
UNKNOWN
No one can take away the successes you have already had.
“No matter what, nobody can take away the dances you’ve already had.”
Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Be at peace knowing everything happens for a reason and one day you will realise why.
“Someday, everything will make perfect sense. So for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason.”
UNKNOWN
Sometimes when things are falling apart they may actually be falling into place.
Unknown
Tough times in our life teach us lessons.
“Stars can’t shine without darkness.”
UNKNOWN
Keep moving forward.
“Don’t look back, you’re not going that way.”
UNKNOWN
“I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”
Michael Jordan
Whatever we endure, prepares us for the future.
“Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny.”
C.S. LEWIS
It’s all about perspective.
“I didn’t fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.”
Benjamin Franklin
Failure doesn’t exist, you get something out of everything, one of the best? A lesson learnt.
“There are no failures – just experiences and your reactions to them.”
Tom Krause
“Don’t be discouraged by a failure. It can be a positive experience. Failure is, in a sense, the highway to success, in as much as every discovery of what is false leads us to seek earnestly after what is true, and every fresh experience points out some form of error which we shall afterwards carefully avoid.”
John Keats
Turn your wounds into wisdom.
Oprah
You are resilient.
Tough times don’t last. Tough people do.
Robert H. Schuller
We can turn pain into motivation.
We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.
Kenji Miyazawa
Embrace the present moment.
Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning how to dance in the rain.
Vivian Greene
Tough times teach us a lot about ourselves and how strong we truly are.
It’s in the darkest moments that we find our greatest strengths.
Steven Atchson
You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it.
Unknown
Tough times prompt change for the better.
Pain doesn’t just show up in our lives for no reason. It’s a sign that something in our lives needs to change.
UNKNOWN
Rough times lead to opportunities.
In the middle of a difficulty lies opportunity.
Albert Einstein
Change leads to transformation.
What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly.
Richard Bach
Accept where you are now and find inner peace.
The secret of being happy is accepting where you are in life and making the most out of every day.
Unknown
You have the power to cheer yourself up. You are powerful.
It only takes one person to make you happy and change your life: YOU.
Firstly, I want to reaffirm something deeply in your mind. It is normal to struggle with anxious thoughts from time to time. This article will help you reframe your thoughts for a positive mindset when you are struggling with these anxious thoughts
“Anxiety is more than just feeling stressed or worried. While stress and anxious feelings are a common response to a situation where we feel under pressure, they usually pass once the stressful situation has passed, or ‘stressor’ is removed.
Everyone feels anxious from time to time. When anxious feelings don’t go away, happen without any particular reason or make it hard to cope with daily life it may be the sign of an anxiety condition.”
Disclaimer on anxiety, please note
I use the below affirmations when I have an anxious moment to calm and recenter myself. It is important to note that affirmations are one tool amongst many that may be used to help with anxiety. The ones below are a general resource and are are not a substitute for professional, psychological, psychiatric or medical advice. Always seek the advice of your doctor and other qualified mental health providers with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition such as anxiety.
How these powerful affirmations may help when struggling with anxious thoughts
Reframe your mindset with an alternative perspective
Calm and recentre yourself
Inspire an uplift in mindset geared toward positivity, a reminder on what affirmations are here and how they help you live a soul fulfilling life
Provide a counter narrative to anxiety provoking thought
Pause and diffuse a moment of stress and tension
22 Powerful affirmations to reframe your mindset when you are struggling with anxious thought
♥ I attract positive energy.
♥ I am strong. I am resilient. I can do hard things.
♥ I am in the process of making positive changes.
♥ I am brave.
♥ I am overwhelmed right now but this shall pass.
♥ I have the power to change.
♥ Everything is going to be okay.
♥ I have overcome many challenges and obstacles before in my life. This will be no different.
♥ I can’t control everything but I can try change my thoughts, attitude and perspective.
♥ I have accomplished so much up to this point in my life and I will continue to succeed.
♥ I am always learning. I will continue to grow and evolve.
♥ I trust myself to make the best decision at this moment in time.
♥ I feel anxious and that is okay. We all feel anxious at times.
♥ I feel confident in my ability to solve problems.
♥ I trust in the universe that I will thrive.
♥ I am open to change
♥ I let go of the need to be perfect and I know I will do my best.
♥ I know that I am doing my best given what is happening right now.
♥ I am doing the best I can.
♥ Mistakes happen and that is okay. I will learn from my mistakes for a better future.
♥ Change helps me realise my potential.
♥ My mistakes help me grow and improve for the future.
In conclusion on struggling thoughts due to anxiety and using affirmations
These 22 affirmations may help you reframe your thoughts for a positive mindset as they have the ability to calm you down, allow a pause to diffuse tension, provide an alternative counter narrative and inspire an uplift in mentality.
It is so important if you are struggling with these thoughts on a regular basis and if they impact your daily life, please seek the help of a medical professional who will be able to help you.
Additional resources for when you are struggling with anxious thoughts
