Grow Through It

  • 35 – Introducing my book: The Great Unlearning

    My book The Great Unlearning: Awakening to Living An Aligned and Authentic Life is now available to pre-order

    This episode talks about the book finally being unveiled for the first time the title and cover. Not only that Phi shares an excerpt of the book, the introduction of The Great Unlearning: Awakening to Living An Aligned and Authentic Life.

    Click here to read more

  • 34 – Saturn Return Human Design

    What is your Saturn Return?

    This episode is all about Saturn and the transit known as your Saturn Return. What is your Saturn Return and how a Saturn Return Human Design Reading can help you alongside tips to navigating your Saturn Return with my own personal examples.

    Featured Resources on the episode

    Show Transcript

    Hello hello beautiful soul today’s episode is all about your Saturn Return. 

    What is a Saturn Return?

    Saturn Return is when the planet Saturn returns to the position it was in the cosmos when you were born. For Saturn it’s orbit takes typically every 27-29 years to return to this position. 

    When you get a reading done such as with me in a Saturn Return Human Design reading, you are given the exact time and date that Saturn returns to it’s original position. It’s influence is felt in the lead up to returning to that very position and afterwards too, that’s why we typically see it influencing someone between the ages of 27-31.    

    What information do you need for your Saturn Return?

    In order to find out your Saturn Return date you’ll need to know your birthday, time of birth and where you were born. Do note your Saturn Return begins when there’s the collective shift into a different sign but the peak is when it’s in the original position. You can find this out in a reading as I just mentioned but there’s also free calculators online to work this out however if you want to go in depth and know all the details and what it means that’s when you’d want a reading!    

    What does Saturn Represent?

    Saturn is the planet that represents responsibility, discipline and accountability. Saturn can also be known as the ‘taskmaster,’ ‘teacher,’ and dad’ of the zodiac. Think of Saturn as your teacher that wouldn’t just let you watch movies and skip homework. Saturn is the type of teacher that really wants to teach you the substantial stuff, may set really hard exams and later down the track you’re thankful because you realise you learnt so much as difficult and painful as the process was. 

    Likewise think of Saturn Return the experience like a Master’s at the university of life. Before it takes place you have a degree or advanced diploma (think of this as your 20’s experiencing life). A masters takes dedication, hard work and can be tough but ultimately so worth it just like your Saturn Return. 

    Saturn Return, authority and parents

    Collectively Saturn is authority so think your parents, bosses, institutions and government — here to keep things in order and check. By those same energies think themes that can come up in your return authority, restriction and responsibilities. 

    Your Saturn Return particularly half way through towards the end has us free, liberated and emancipated from our parents as we truly become our own. You may be even more likely to be forgiving and understanding of your parents having seen what it takes to be an adult on your own and ready to take full responsibility for yourself and the way you are (as we always say no parent is perfect, they are human after all but at some point in your life you come to realise I can’t change my childhood but I can take responsibility by stepping into my power to work through what has come up as a result of it.

    Saturn Return and Karma

    Saturn also represents karma. You reap what you sow during this period and karmically speaking in ways. Rewards and harvest are plentiful for those who have done the work for example consistently doing your best at work in a job you love that may mean a huge promotion or a secondment abroad. Maybe you previously you used to ghost many people and then you end up being ghosted in a devastating way that may not be romantic, perhaps a job prospect. These are just examples! 

    Karmically for me I’ve always been dealing with dating emotionally unavailable people and that popped back up towards the end of my return as I began dating again after the break up of a long term relationship and perhaps questioning in moments was I truly emotionally available again? Those pesky patterns that plague you will come up over and over again because they are ready to be resolved and moved.

    Your Saturn Return is a Coming of Age

    Saturn represents a cosmic coming of age known for it’s shake up in all departments of life: your environment and where you live, your relationships — single, getting into a relationship, breaking up, taking a break, deepening a commitment, marriage, having children, divorce, shifting friend groups, new friends, losing friends, changing jobs, changing careers, career highlights, career breakthroughs. It’s also for many a notable point of contemplating our own mortality, we are 30 years into life and for women you maybe becoming very aware of the narrative of your biological clock.

    Adele Saturn Return

    Let’s take Adele for example, she has a tattoo of Saturn and spoke about her return in a recent interview she she said “It’s where I lost the plot … When that comes, it can rock your life. It shakes you up a bit: Who am I? What do I want to do? What makes me truly happy? All those things.”

     Her album 30 was in line with her Saturn Return and we’ve seen her changes unfold in the public eye — she had a child, had a divorce and her weight loss transformation.

    How many Saturn Returns do you have?

    Now you’ll likely have at least 2 in your life time, the first and most famous being the equivalent of your cosmic coming of age transitioning from youth to adulthood. The second is around 56-60 as a marker of maturity and the final between 84-90 entering wisdom.

    Should you be scared of your Saturn Return?

    Your Saturn Return isn’t something to be scared of! Yes, your Saturn Return can feel like you are being served and dished tough love. Yes, your Saturn Return can be turbulent. Yes there will be trials and tribulations, painful moments, challenges, setbacks, detours all for your growth. That is the very nature of growth, most of it happens outside of our comfort zone.

    Ultimately Saturn is here to help you be your highest, best and aligned self. Up until this stage most of us unconsciously live our life in terms of the way we believe we ought to and are expected to with regards to society, family and friends. Saturn Return is about reclaiming your life to be authentic in alignment with what you truly want. In fact a major pinnacle within your Saturn Return is understanding who you are, maybe for the first time in your life. It will have you questioning your identity. 

    Saturn Return Questions and Journal Prompts

    “Are you really doing what you want? Living a life that you always dreamed of and desired for yourself? One that lights up your heart and soul? Or is it based on your mind of what you think it should be or want it to be?”

    “Are you taking responsibility for yourself and your life? Your life is the way it is because of choices and decisions you’ve made”

    “Life is precious and fleeting, are you happy to continue the way that it is — are you making the most of it?”

    “Are you fulfilled within your soul, in the life that you live right now?

    “What do you truly value in yourself, in others and in your life? Does your life reflect that?” — on this question in particular say you have health as a core value in your life but you hardly have time to exercise because you’re stressed at work, invest in eating out but not healthy food at home, have your job taking a mental health or physical toll on your body that my friend is out of alignment and Saturn will see that!

    Saturn Return - work, career, job

    Work is usually a major theme in a Saturn Return because it’s all about being on the path of your life’s work and purpose. 

    During your transit between 27-29 it becomes very and sometimes painfully clear what is in alignment for you and what is not. Classic signs of what is not in alignment including feeling stuck, in a rut, depressed, frustrated and jealous of other people pursuing their passions and dreams. 

    That was certainly the case for me. Really my upcoming book will cover my whole Saturn Return transit where everything in my life was shaken up — changing careers and industries completely going from working in brand strategy and media to personal development and growth as a life coach, moving into a home and moving out of a home, getting into a relationship and out of one. 

    A very Saturninan thing that stands out for me was the fact that the more I did my side hustle in 2020/2021, feeling how much I loved it and lit me up to the point I woke up at 5am most mornings to have time for myself coach until 8 then work my corporate job until 6 and the coach after until evenings, I realised I really loved it and wanted to do it.

    Personal example of my Saturn Return and resistance

    It was so hard to trust all the signs that I would eventually do it full time, I had all the fear and worries — ultimately I had to be nudged by the universe as I dragged my heels wanting to quit my job at the end of 2021 and I would end up making the decision in September because it was so obvious what the universe was doing and I was resisting. Feeling overwhelmed and stuck in my job, being blocked towards a promotion despite working and hustling so hard. 

    It ultimately came because it was taking a toll on my body and I had to take mental health leave from my corporate job, having been in this position multiple times in my career already I knew this was the last straw and it was no longer sustainable for my health and wellbeing to continue to my corporate job. In total I was in my corporate career for seven years and with the life I live now I can’t believe it. 

    I used to be stressed all the time to the point of health issues like high blood pressure, stress was my norm. I had many anxious moments, crying and being so unhappy and now I live my most aligned life it’s so different. Stress is abnormal. I pinch myself that helping people is work… I love it so much it feels so natural and in easy, that flow state. 

    Saturn Return rewards alignment

    Saturn and the universe knew before it ever registered my mind that I was here to help people in a personal growth capacity and not be in brand strategy forever. Now ultimately we all have free will but I was rewarded to take that leap of faith and go all in (not without tests such as being offered the promotion, money, job opportunities) and I was rewarded having the most incredible 2022 getting a book publishing deal, traveling and working for a quarter of the year to Europe and Singapore, moving into my dream home, writing my first book and hitting 6 figures in the first year of my business full time. 

    Of course lets not forget it wasn’t all high flying, whilst my career became aligned I did also have to let go of the home I started my business in and lived in with my ex and ultimately the loss of that relationship which was 2.5 years or 3 years if you count dating before becoming official. 

    Saturn Return - love, relationships, break up

    Honestly it can be so wild in hindsight, the day I flew out to Europe last year was the exact peak of my Saturn Return. That very trip was something I undertook with my ex and would have ripple on effects for my life. It was the trip that confirmed we weren’t meant to be and taught me a lot about myself: being able to work and travel at the same time, the energies of certain locations in the world. Funnily enough Sydney, Australia where I am based is my Saturn line. 

    Even then I held onto the relationship longer despite knowing it wasn’t right until the plug was finally pulled and even then I held on by living with my ex after our break up and I for sure will never, ever do that again. As you’ll read in my book the ramifications of that was arduous on my heart… in fact it felt like I was dragging my heart on hot coals towards the end. 

    Again it wasn’t all doom and gloom because oh my goodness I fell in love so deeply — to love again is the most beautiful, sweetest experience. It was healing for me after being single for 8 years. We had the best times together and experienced wild things such as a global pandemic together, moving in with a partner, road trips and went overseas together where we did lovely things like river swimming and eating delicious paella at the borough markets in London. Not only that I’ll never forget the first Valentine’s Day we had together and soon after where we became official literally all my favourite things, dinner at a rooftop, fairy lights strung on his balcony, whisky and my favourite music playing (Rufus du sol).

    Saturn Return - discipline, habits

    Saturn rewards hard work, facing your fears, listening to your heart and soul as well as commitment. So lets not also forget the theme of discipline. Over the transit you’ll likely become aware of habits that don’t serve us. 

    For me I definitely noticed that when I was stressed in my corporate job I would turn to drinking and partying a lot, and as I entered my Saturn Return my desire to do dissolved (don’t get me wrong I still enjoy occasional drinks and going out whereas in my earlier life this would happen 3-4 days a week). 

    I developed more wellbeing and spiritual disciplines such as daily meditation and tarot card pulls in addition to breathwork, ice baths and journaling. Whilst I was in my corporate job I would also wake up early at 5am/6am which was discipline but ultimately self love and self care towards myself to ensure my cup was full before all my energy went towards work and side hustling as a coach. 

    Saturn Return Human Design Reading

    How do you prepare for Saturn and move through it?

    A Saturn Return Human Design reading with me can assist into giving you an insights into the particular lessons you are to learn and energies to experience with regards to different aspects of the transit. 

    What you Saturn Return is ultimately helping you to do. The context of what it will do for you moving forward into the future. Energies to master and be comfortable with and in other different aspects such as love, abundance, communication, expansion and the spiritual work. Each person has a unique transit of what they’re here to experience, move and grow through.

    Move through your Saturn return by being proactive

    Be on the front foot and be proactive. Doing the work will always put you in good stead as those who learn from Saturn and grow have nothing to fear, so really you listening to this podcast counts, working with a coach/mentor/psychologist. In further saying that you’ll have less pain and suffering if you actually listen to your internal navigation system (your authority in human design) — it can seem illogical and wild but its your soul for a reason. Soul isn’t logical, soul is magical. If you don’t that’s the infamy of the Saturn Return which will course correct you and yes that can be really painful. 

    Saturn Return Life Coaching

    That’s where someone like me a life coach can really help too, to hold space for you, provide different perspectives as well as support and guidance! Truly the most potent and powerful time would be for this transition to invest in your personal development and for me sanity during the transit.

    Your Saturn Return is to help you be authentic and aligned

    Be true to you as your most authentic and aligned self. Saturn is about being disciplined and in alignment with you and your highest self not for other people or society. Turning 30 in society has so many pressures and expectations that you want to release yourself from. 

    You don’t and aren’t meant to be like others: maybe you don’t want to get married, maybe you don’t want children, maybe you don’t want to be on the career trajectory you’re on because it doesn’t bring you joy, maybe you don’t want to get a mortgage. Saturn is here to empower you to live live on your terms, by your own design. To be yourself and be loved for that, not putting on a mask to be liked and loved by others. 

    Be present during your Saturn Return

    Be present and live it. Saturn will throw twists, turns and shocks. But honestly if I reflect the last 3 years of my life and return have gone so quickly and I’ll know for the rest of my life I will always reflect on how much I’ve changed and grown for the better in the last 3 years, I now truly live the dream, beyond what I ever imagined for myself! The Universe had grand plans for me and Saturn was the helper to bring that all to life. 

    The pain was hard of course but was it worth it? Absolutely. I wouldn’t change a thing because I know how it unfolded was exactly how it needed to! Therefore give yourself permission to change. Allow yourself to let go of what isn’t feeling good in your heart and soul. This transit is dynamic. It doesn’t matter what other people think because this transit is about being in alignment with you.

    Help with your Saturn Return

    For those going through your Saturn Return enjoy it because so much will make sense on the other side as many told me before I went into mine and now on the other side — I get it. I’m still processing it as it’s fresh. If you’re looking for support and guidance in life such as your Saturn Return or finishing one, get in touch as I’d love to help you through 1:1 coaching or a human design reading. 

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  • 33 – March 2023 Energy Update and Virgo Full Moon

    The cosmic changes of March 2023 and the Virgo Full Moon

    There is a lot going down in March 2023 energetically, spiritually and astrologically. This episode explains what to expect, how to work with the themes and energies including the Virgo Full Moon, Saturn shifting into Pisces from Aquarius and Pluto shifting from Capricorn into Aquarius.

    Featured Resources on the episode

    Show Transcript

    Episode 33 - March 2023 Energy Update and Virgo Full Moon

    Hi Beautiful Soul, I’m so happy and grateful that you are here listening and there is a lot to share. Before I do I just wanted to say oh my goodness on 2/3/23 I received the first physical copy of my book and wow it felt soooo aligned. 

    As a listener of this podcast I’m going to have a huge announcement about the book towards the end of the month but watch this space! The book is going to be released in June. It felt so surreal to hold in my hands a body of work that I have poured my heart and soul into all of last year in 2022. If you want to be the first to know about this news, head to my website and sign up to the book updates mailing list!

    What is going on energetically in March 2023?

    Now getting to today’s podcast episode. I felt really drawn and compelled to speak about what is going on energetically, spiritually and astrologically in March 2023 because there is so much happening – we see major planets changing signs which I will also cover in todays’ episode. A portal of change. March Madness. Likely the biggest astrological shifts and cosmic changes we will see for the whole year are happening in March.

    March 2023 is a brand new astrological cycle

    The vibe I am collectively sensing is by the time March is over we will all be saying woah and without a doubt experiencing change. In saying that maybe not everyone will experience visceral noticeable changes, but for sure seeds are being planted that will be revisited. March is the month of movement, where the real astrological new year begins (a brand new cycle of 12 months starts March 20th). I strongly recommend journaling throughout the month of March, it will prove useful as the year unfolds and you can revisit what themes are coming up for you. 

    Virgo Full Moon in March 2023

    The release of this episode coincides with the Virgo Full Moon in March. With full moons they are the close of a cycle, a time to release, surrender and let go of what no longer serves you. This one in particular links back to August 2022 in particular around the 27th/28th of August. I highly recommend flipping through old journals, photos and calendars to see what was going on in your life back then. What did you start, what intentions did you set and how is this playing out now? 

    For me it’s wild to think about this because this coincides with my break up last year as well as moving homes. I was also so busy with human designs, facilitating readings at a retreat and getting stuck into writing the book, which is now obviously finished and done. I’m feeling much more grounded and I’ve energetically landed since those big life changing moves. It’s also worth checking in with any intentions you set 2 weeks ago with the new moon energy. I’ve felt personally that the theme has been surrender particularly with an overactive mind.

    Virgo traits and qualities

    Virgo itself as a sign is all about organisation, logical, practical, prim, proper, grounded in contrast to Pisces where the sun is right now which is head in the clouds, dreamy, emotional, spiritual, creative vibe. Think of these energies as contrasting yet complementary like yin and yang. With all the energies at play, what’s emerging is finding peace in stability thanks to Virgo: your home being clean and tidy, routines and daily rituals. 

    Virgo is calling out the messy, disorganised and chaos and calling in self care. Think clearing clutter and tidying up spaces. What you could say is this energy is bringing us into balance through the reality of day to day life our physical health and wellbeing – exercise, food consumption and the environment we live in as well as the spiritual through Pisces, our connection to spirituality, our dreams and visions and creativity.

    March 2023 Responsibility as a theme

    I will note what I’ve seen in speaking with my clients lately is the theme of responsibility which will also pop up with this full moon given the reputation of Virgos to be very responsible. Perhaps explore your relationship with responsibility. What responsibilities do you have, to others, to yourself? With Virgo in mind, particularly what responsibility do you have to yourself in terms of self care and practicalities to keep you nourished and thriving in day to day life?

    March 2023 feeling stuck in your head and mind

    What I see also being a focal point of this full moon is being in our minds. Virgo by nature is analytical and inquisitive and a shadow of Pisces can be getting lost in your daydreams. It’s important to note where your mind is placing its attention because that can greatly impact and influence how you are feeling. 

    Virgo and Pisces in March 2023

    Virgo could be that energy that grounds your dreams into reality but taking practical steps. Pisces energy encourages Virgo to be practical yet allow yourself to dream, very much that energy of ‘shoot for the moon because if you miss you’ll end up amongst the stars.’ Further to this given the Virgo energies, if you have been moving through shadows of control, perfectionism and feeling like you aren’t doing enough, you may feel the effects of this full moon more urging you to move through these, integrate and let go. 

    Tension and feeling overwhelmed in March 2023

    You may also be feeling tension because of a T square happening in the planets between Moon in Virgo, Sun in Pisces and Mars in Gemini which places an immense pressure that everything and anything must be done right now and happen right now (fiery Mars and fiery Gemini).

    So if you are experiencing a few days of gloom or melancholy, perhaps feeling overwhelmed its okay, be kind to yourself there’s a lot of energetic shifts in the air. Give yourself a few days for it to mellow out although as you’ll hear there’s a lot going on in the stars.

    March 2023 Virgo Full Moon Journal and Journaling Prompts

    Some journal prompts for you to consider:

    • What no longer serves you right now that you intend to surrender to the full moon?
    • How can you have more creative, artistic expression in my life?
    • What areas of your self have you neglected and need greater love and attention?
    • Free write about what comes to mind when you think of responsibility?  
    • What practical steps and actions can you take towards making your dreams and desires a reality? 

    So let’s talk about the big planetary shifts that will affect us in March.

    Saturn Return Pisces March 2023

    Within an hour of the full moon in Virgo, Saturn—the planet of tough love, tough lessons, discipline, responsibility, maturity, and commitment—will enter Pisces for the first time since 1996. Saturn shifts signs about every 3 years and when it does, we have new lessons emerge. Perhaps it’s worth even thinking about the lessons you’ve learnt in the last 3 years since March 2020 because Saturn is known as the lord of Karma and of course it’s lessons that we mature, grow and expand upon (not the easiest!). Therefore expect a new cycle and shifting in karma within your life.

    Are you starting or ending a Saturn Return in 2023?

    This is a markable shift one of the biggest in 2023, if not the biggest, and I must say I am relieved because it marks the end of my Saturn Return and for anyone born Feb. 6, 1991–May 20, 1993; June 29, 1993–Jan. 28, 1994 and those and born January 1962- March 1964 for your second Saturn Return whereas if you were born May 21, 1993 and June 30, 1993 or January 28, 1994 and April 7, 1996, welcome to your first Saturn Return. If you were born March 25, 1964, to March 4, 1967 you’ll be experiencing your second Saturn Return. 

    Coming out of a Saturn Return is like relief and a breath of fresh air. After all that pressure, it’s time for the wind down, the integration of all the shake ups that you’ve had since January 2020. It has been extra strong given Saturn also happens to rule Aquarius. Starting one? Buckle up and get ready for life to shift for your highest growth and alignment, often life will be taking you out of your comfort zone for this transit. 

    Saturn Return collective impact and influence

    I can see over the past few episodes how I’ve chatted about Saturn Return and truth be told I am still integrating all of the lessons from my Saturn so a podcast episode on it is due however in the meantime if you are looking for guidance and support with this transition, I do Saturn Return Human Design readings so please get in touch! To give you an idea of how we collectively felt Saturn Return it entered Aquarius in March 2020 and we all know what started happening then, the pandemic, it’s lockdowns and the Black Lives Matter Movement.

    Saturn shifting from Aquarius to Pisces

    The shift from Aquarius ruled by the mind to Pisces emotions again a stark contrast like the full moon between organised, practical, grounded Virgo and dreamy Pisces. Themes to emerge from this shift are around spirituality, expression, boundaries and mental health. This energy can often give us a reality check on what is really going instead of perhaps being in the shadow of dreams disconnected from any founding reality or grounding e.g. just manifesting without any inspired action. 

    It can wake us up to what is really happening and lift the veil from our eyes perhaps if we have been trying to ignore things or wish/hope for the better without any evidence. The contrast of these  energies also collectively teaches us to hold and embrace the nature of duality, it’s not one or the other, both operate in this energetic realm. Moreover Pisces is known as the visionary artist, so it’s a great time to unlock and unleash your creativity particularly in expressing your emotions and dreams. 

    With everything I’m chatting through here these are broad collective themes, for specifics it would be best to do a customised human design reading with me or work with me on a 1:1 level, I do have spots available. 

    Jupiter and Chiron March 2023

    Later in the week around March 12th, we see Jupiter the planet of expansion meeting Chiron the wounded healer in Aries, something that only happens every 50 years on average. Whatever shadows, pains and wounds arise during this time is for your growth as per Jupiter’s influence. It will help to see the broad, bigger picture should it feel difficult for you.

    Venus enters Taurus March 2023

    Venus the planet of love, leisure, beauty and an indicator of abundance enters it’s home sign in Taurus on the 16th. So perhaps partnerships will be on your mind as will finances. There is a lot of other planetary action happening on this date too when Mercury meets Mars in Gemini which can signal fiery conversations or miscommunication. 

    At some point on the same day before Venus lands in Taurus, it does collide with Pluto which can bring up shadows in relationships such as power struggles, obsession and jealousy so be aware of that. There’s more to mention but really all you need to know is be aware of the hectic energy on the 16th. The best way to deal with this all is to be grounded in nature, aware of your own energy and conscious of your actions towards another. 

    The Sun entering Aries March 2023

    Taking place March 20th, the Equinox will take place with it becoming Spring in the Northern Hemisphere or Autumn/Full in the Southern Hemisphere this coincides with the astrological seasons shifting from Pisces to Aries so we can expect fresh, fiery energy and greater momentum building from that date. Aries is a bold influence after all.

    Thus kicking off a brand new astrological cycle with the Aries New Moon March 21st. If the beginning of the calendar year hasn’t been going your way, the energy of the new moon is like a second start to hunker down and recommit. The energy will be giving you a boost of added motivation and fired up ignition. What you set up now will be revisited around the end of September this year. 

    Pluto shifting from Capricorn to Aquarius March 2023

    Pluto is the planet of intensity, death, destruction, transformation and rebirth and that shifts from Capricorn to Aquarius for the first time since 2008 that’s 15 years on March 23rd. It’s the slowest moving planet. You may want to go down memory lane to 15 years ago what was happening in your life and any themes around death and rebirth. 

    This is only temporary for a taste of what is to come for the actual shift in November 2024 where Pluto will remain for 20 years until 2044 . Collectively, change is definite here and will likely be in relation to Aquarian energies and themes: friendships, freedom, technology, humanity, the internet, innovation and communication. Again this will impact you personally differently depending on your chart.

    The wildest thing is Pluto hasn’t been in Aquarius since around 1777 when multiple revolutions happened including the American, Haitian and French revolution, Uranus was discovered and the first smallpox vaccine was successful. What I’ve been seeing touted and predicted are advancements in vaccines, AI and aliens to say the least. Given what went down all those years ago it could be dramatic changes in the structures and systems of society too.

    Mars moving from Gemini to Cancer March 2023

    March 25th onwards, Moving from Gemini to Cancer. We can see the pattern again here heady Gemini into the emotional waters of Cancer. We can really see the shift collectively happening to get us out of tensions with our minds – thought loops, mental patterns, anxiety into being in our bodies to feel it all. It could feel like a mix of moody emotional energy that pops up. 

    Venus and Uranus in March 2023

    Venus again at the end of the month on the 30th becomes a wildcard given it meets with Uranus the planet of the unexpected, who knows what could happen after such as big month!

    As you can see an absolutely huge energetic powerhouse of a month. If you are looking for support and guidance, I’d love to help through 1:1 coaching or a human design reading, get in touch and we can chat about what’s best for you! 

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  • 32: What is Karma and The 12 Laws of Karma

    All about Karma.

    This episode is all about Karma. What is Karma. The different types of Karma. The 12 laws of karma. How to work with karma. Is karma a good or bad thing? Is the universe punishing or rewarding you? Karmic relationships. Karmic contracts.

    Featured Resources on the episode

    Show Transcript

    Episode 32 - What is Karma and the 12 Laws of Karma

    This week what has come up for myself and clients is karma. So I decided to do an episode all about it. When you think of karma, you probably think what goes around comes around but there’s actually so much more to it. 

    What is Karma?

    Karma comes from the Sanskrit word karman which means action, the root of the word which is ‘to do’ or ‘to make.’ 

    Karma to me is something as a concept that gets us to be very conscious, intentional and aware of what we are doing, which isn’t a bad thing. 

    Living a life by design gives us more fulfilment and we have greater impact. Imagine everyone did, it would truly be a win, win!

    Karma is a bridge between our lifetimes if you believe in the spiritual viewpoint that our soul has lived many lives. Over the lives we live there may be things that are unresolved and unfinished. It’s taking this broader, wider perspective on life that it isn’t just your soul as it is right now, it’s the complete timeline and history of your soul — all the lives you have lived. 

    The universe takes care of karma, you don't have to or need to

    So think of it this way — you never have to go out of your way to teach someone a lesson or if you’ve been deeply hurt and wronged to enact your own justice because trust me the Universe has already set it all up. It’s not worth your time, energy or effort especially when it drags you down to their level / a lower vibration.

    Is karma a good or bad thing? Is the universe punishing or rewarding me?

    The perspective I take is that karma isn’t a bad good bad thing. It simply is. Karma simply repeats and loops itself (in what can make you feel insane) in order to create new results but in order for that to happen, something different has to change. Take the perspective it’s about accumulating awareness and knowledge to decrease ignorance. 

    The perspective that karma is simple a feedback system to help you be your most highest and aligned self. Karma is the mirror held up to you. So karma isn’t punishing and rewarding, it simply reflects and is neutral like a mirror. If you don’t like what you see it isn’t the mirror, it’s you. The mirror is the vehicle and channel. Karma is here to evolve your soul. 

    Karma is a mirror

    I love this quote by Shannon Adler, “Karma isn’t revenge; it is a mirror of your souls mistakes and for those that wish bad karma for you it is also a mirror for their mistakes. Karma was never meant to be a punishment. It is a reminder of your soul’s true self to be better than all the insecurities that hurt others because of your own fear and lack in faith that God has a plan for you.”

    How do you know if something is karmic?

    How do you know if something is karmic? 

    Often it feels very repetitive, something that keeps coming up over and over again until we move through it and gotten what we needed from that experience whether it’s a learning or unlearning. It often involves needing to confront and face your fears. 

    For example I think many of us can relate to seemingly dating the same type of person. Different person but maybe the same issues come up such as emotional unavailability or feeling like you need to win someone over in order to prove you are loveable. Now I want to put it out there karmic relationships aren’t just in romantic situations, it could be that boss of yours who is hard to get along with or a friend/family member that really triggers you.

    Karmic Contracts

    In this way comes the concept of karmic contracts. Think of them in the feedback system of balancing everything out. They aren’t always meant to be forever, most of them are temporary and end once you’ve cleared the unresolved energy between two souls, often learning, growing and expanding in the process. It may feel like an instant energetic charge. Naturally being so drawn like it is magnetic to someone that you can’t explain it or even repulsed. Like you’ve known them for a long time or they are familiar. Constantly thinking about them. Often there will be push and pull tension, highs and lows. Often there is an imbalance of power dynamics too which is accompanied by drama. 

    How to break or shift karma

    To shift the karma one must act consciously and intentionally to break the cycle. With all situations it often involves leaving and walking away which is easy in theory but harder in reality. It can help to imagine karmic contracts as scrolls and burning them to end them. It can also help to affirm for guidance, “I’d like to release this karmic situation or person. Universe please guide and help me to do so in the most loving and aligned way possible. Show me the way, show me the signs.” 

    Tools to find and understand karma

    You can look for indicators of karma based on your birth chart and human design. In human design we can look at specifically what type of karmic lifetime you have, the life theme’s you’ll encounter as well and if you’re in a relationship, doing an overlay of charts you can also see if there’s karma too. If you’re interested in a reading, I do have avails so please reach out or book through my website, I’d love to work with you.

    Types of karma

    There are different types of Karma.

    Sanchitta – accumulated karma, a field of plants, some of which comes to fruition in this lifetime and some that won’t.

    Parabda – karma that is coming into fruition in this lifetime which will shape this life.

    Agami – karma that is being created right now in this lifetime that will go on to impact future lives. Think of it as planting seeds.

    Kriyamana – instant karma that you see in the moment for example you have a negative loop spiral, lash out at someone and there behold a parking fine.

    Thus this establishes that it’s universally believed karma transcends lifetimes.

    It will even splinter into your own individual karma but also you can have ancestral/family/lineage karma passed onto you which is powerful to help break family patterns. 

    12 Laws of Karma

    Similarly to the 12 Laws of the Universe, which I have done an episode on (Episode 3).

    Did you know there are 12 Laws of Karma? 

    The Law of Cause and Effect

    What you sow, you shall reap. What you put out there, you’ll get back. If you want love, be and give love. If you start judging someone, you’ll be judged back by another. The core essence is very similar to the law of attraction. 

    The Law of Creation

    You have to be an active participant in life because you are a co creator. The most powerful takeaway is to never forget that. You are a creator in this life. You are the universe manifested physically in human form. Be a creator. Don’t just wait and manifest, take inspired action. When you’re not sure, create space for more in your life.

    The Law of Humility

    One must accept something in order to change it or the inverse: what you refuse to accept will continue for you. Start with where you are. By this its saying if you aren’t happy in your life right now, take responsibility for it. Accept that you aren’t happy. From this place, you can start. 

    The Law of Growth

    Change starts with yourself. The sentiment of “Wherever you go, there you are.” Know that the only control you have is over yourself. Focus on your own development, growth, thoughts, perspectives and actions. Growth starts within. 

    As Gandhi said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.”When you grow likely life around you will grow and I see that all the time with clients. 

    They start doing the work and see how the people around them change. It’s that degree of being an energetic match. Of course as your vibration rises, everything around you will as well. You change your life when you change yourself first. There is always room for growth (not that you should feel the pressure of always improving). It’s the backdrop and context of life, we are here to evolve continually. 

    Hint: if you want to do this, let’s work together through 1:1 coaching! You aren’t meant to do it alone. I’d love to be your support and guide.

    The Law of Responsibility

    Being accountable and taking ownership of what you create whether you label it ‘good’ or ‘bad.’

    The Law of Connection

    How everything is interconnected. Interdependent. Past, present and future. Every being human to human, human to Earth, human to animals. How you interact with the world at large. You can think of this as ethics too such as caring for the environment, preservation for future generations. The ripple effect really.

    The Law of Focus

    Energy flows where focus goes. Where do you place your attention? High or low vibration? Technically this law believes we should focus on one thing at a time but as a manifesting generator in human design I disagree. Again this is going to be different for everyone but for example having worked with generators I know they can feel overwhelmed and lost without a focus.

    The Law of Hospitality and Giving

    Integrity. Our behaviour should match our actions. Don’t just talk the talk, walk the walk too. What we do and say should match what we believe and preach. Life will give us opportunities to show and reflect this. A test of our character. It’s also the concept of kindness right? If you choose to be giving and generous do so from a pure place with no conditions and expectations. Help others in the ways you can, it doesn’t have to be financially, it could be through time, energy, effort as examples too.

    The Law of Here and Now

    Being here in the present moment. What’s happened in the past is done. The future is not yet here. Don’t miss the present moment because it creates the future. 

    The Law of Change

    History repeating itself. Nothing changes, if nothing changes. 

    The Law of Patience and Reward

    Simply stated, hard work will always pay off. Success will eventually follow. Know that if you do good deeds it will never be unnoticed. Maybe it won’t come to fruition in this lifetime but it could be in your next or a future one. Think of this like a GPS, putting in the exact place you want to go. You trust that eventually even if you take wrong turns, detours, redirections or whatever you’re going to get to where you need to. Apply this to your life too.

    The Law of Inspiration and Importance

    Rewarded based on energy and effort we put in. In saying that everything thing counts whether big or small. It all adds up and accumulates. It makes a difference to the whole. It could be a simple as smiling at a stranger to starting a charity. Everything is significant. You are significant. You are always contributing to the world and collective consciousness. It’s an encouragement to tap into your natural gifts and share with the world, otherwise it’s a disservice to us all. We all know that we learn from our interactions with others and forget that the same goes for us, we are also a teacher and guide to many others in our life through what we do and our actions. 

    Can you escape karma?

    There are different schools of thought as to whether you can truly ever escape and burn off all your karma through means like rituals, healings, yoga, chanting, meditation and so fourth, so I think it’s best to address ultimately how to work with karma.

    Should I be scared of karma?

    Don’t fear it if ultimately can accept and allow it’s the backdrop of life, in this game, in this experience. It’s more powerful to be aware of it. It aligns with what we know of physics, Newton’s Third Law states that every action has an equal and opposite reaction. That applies to energy, action and our intentions. 

    Take the perspective your soul chose specific experiences and karma to shape the lives that we ultimately live. Our soul is always acting for our highest good and with deep unconditional love. A part of that is allowing ourselves to grow through our life experiences. 

    Be self aware to improve karma

    Be self aware. The more you know yourself, the more conscious you are, the more likely you’re going to act and behave in alignment with your highest self and values. It’s about being in your power and going inwards instead of looking to blame external circumstances and lose your power to sources outside of yourself. Understand your triggers, traumas, patterns, pain and perspectives. Catch yourself going unconscious into the familiar or automatic instead of conscious choice. 

    Heal your shadows and wounds to improve karma

    Yes this involves the work but as a coach it’s so important for me to tell you this isn’t done by being angry, annoyed, frustrated at yourself and beating yourself up. It’s done with love and compassion for self. You are human. You aren’t meant to be perfect and if you were life would be so boring and pointless as you won’t get the full experience. Find a way to forgive and let go of the past. See the innocence in other souls. See the innocence of your own soul, self forgiveness and compassion. Grudges create an energetic tie towards someone, they get to live rent free in your head and energy field. I’ve also done an episode on forgiveness (number 6) and the core key there being it’s for you, not them but in the process is a win win.

    Not all of us in this lifetime will grow spiritually and learn all that we need to. By you listening, I would say that’s not you given you are listening to improve your personal self awareness and work on yourself. In challenging times look for the growth, it can always be found. 

    Gratitude and karma

    On the other hand, celebrate and appreciate karma that brings positivity and blessings into your life! An attitude of gratitude. By means of karma we deserve everything we get which includes the good stuff! 

    Inner peace and karma

    Cultivate inner peace within yourself so that you are not as disturbed by what is going on outside of you.

    Be an uplifting, beautiful soul for the most part. Check in with yourself as to the intentions behind your actions. 

    Click here to read more

  • Episode 31: What is Human Design

    What is Human Design?

    This episode explains what Human Design is and how it can help you.

    Featured Resources on the episode

    Show Transcript

    Episode 31 - What is Human Design

    Hi Beautiful Soul, I am so excited about today’s episode because it is about something I am very deeply passionate about which is human design! 

    I also love how more mainstream human design is becoming because the information within human design is so powerful and truly life changing.

    What is Human Design?

    So what is human design exactly? Human design is a system which helps you to better understand yourself, your human personality self which is termed your conscious self and your unconscious self which is what we call your design, your soul. 

    It’s a blend of spirituality and science of the modern day and the ancients pulling together astrology, I Ching the Chinese book of truths, Kabbalah, the Chakra System, Vedic Philosophy and quantum physics through neutrinos which carry energetic information passing through your body every second as examples. 

    It has been called the ‘science of differentiation,’ ‘the next generation of self knowledge,’ ‘new astrology,’ the ‘science of the aura,’ ‘the intersection of science and spirituality.’ It’s known as a guide, map, manual to your life as well or a snapshot of your unique energy.

    It was channeled by Alan Krakower who went by the name of Ra Uru Hu in the 80’s/90’s after having a mystical experience where he was given the system what we know as ‘the voice’. It’s only recently become more well known and mainstream.

    Human Design is based on a body graph and you’ll see a lot of numbers, symbols, shapes, lines which can be very confusing and that’s where I come in to read your chart and interpret your manual to yourself. The right hand side of the chart represents your conscious self at the time you were born whereas the left hand side represents your design imprinted three months before you were born. 

    Why Human Design?

    There are many tools and modalities which can help you understand yourself better whether its astrology, personality tests like enneagram or Myer Briggs, tarot cards but for me what stands out is human design because of the depth of information and the practicality of it. It’s not just a map to understanding who you are it, also gives you the insights and tools on what to do with this information, how to live, how you can apply it to any area of your life which I have seen with clients whether its business, career, your love life, making money, your life’s purpose and so fourth. 

    Human Design is a tool for understanding yourself better and how to best apply yourself in the most authentic and alignment way. It shows you how you are unique, there are literally over 2 billion different combinations of human design. You can have the same energy type as someone and be completely different because there are so many different parts to your human design: your energy type, your authority, your profile lines, your variables, your life energies, energetic channels, actual variables the list goes on! 

    The thing I hear the most from people who have had a reading is how validated they feel. They go ahhhh this is why I am the way I am which is a beautiful thing. To release fears that you aren’t ‘normal’ or perhaps that you’re ‘broken and messed up’ because you aren’t. 

    Working with clients the way I like to help people understand this is through this perspective. Your soul chose to come to Earth. It chose to be in your body, with your personality and agreed to various things/circumstances/people in your life to learn the curriculum it wants to. In spiritual terms, karmic bonds, soul lessons and so fourth. When we approach life like this, there’s this relief. The universe and your highest self isn’t making life difficult on purpose which very much ties into the whole theme of this podcast. You aren’t just going through life. You’re growing through it. This very much ties into the main energy of my life purpose which revolves around struggle and purpose. 

    When should you have a human design reading and why you should have a human design reading

    I have found from my own experience and working with clients, human design often finds you when you’re ready! Trust the pull and curiosity, the universe is always leaving energetic breadcrumbs for us. Why would you be drawn to human design? Any time is perfect but to call out some reasons I’ve done readings for people:

    You want to know yourself better and why you are the way you are (the ultimate permission slip to live life as your truest self). Who you really are vs who you think you are or what other people think of you. Your strengths and weaknesses. Your gifts. The life lessons you’re meant to have.

    You’re feeling stuck, stagnant, lost, confused, perhaps at a cross roads or a life transition.

    You want to know more about what you are here to do on Earth in this lifetime, your soul path and purpose. 

    You want to delve into and understand your truth.

    You want to know how to make the best decisions in your life with confidence and ease.

    You want to feel less resistance in your life and more flow, it feels like being in a stream not pushing against the currents of life.

    You want to bridge the gap of where you are now vs who you are meant to be by living in accordance with the blueprint and guide of your soul.

    You want to explore your self esteem, human design will most certainly help you see that you aren’t flawed or missing anything. You’re here to embrace who you are, to learn to use your innate gifts and be in harmony with life.

    You are interested in shadow work and integrating that within yourself to know yourself deeper and embrace how the shadows help you learn and grow. 

    How Human Design works

    Human Design is based on your exact time of birth, date and where you were born. For the most accurate reading it is vital to have this information however if you don’t, I have been able to help clients ascertain their human design because the way I do human design is intuitively more on my approach to human design later in the episode. So you input those details into a system which you can do for free as an example the website MyBodyGraph however to really get the details, nuts and bolts of your design its best to go to a reader such as myself to interpret the information and be there to guide and support you with any questions you may have. 

    Human Design Energy Types - Strategy

    Like I said human design is an in-depth system and I don’t want to overwhelm anyone so on a top-line information you know how in astrology you say you are a sun sign, rising sign and moon sign to identify yourself but the in-depth mechanics are unique to each individual. 

    This is similar to human design, you have your energy type (one of five, the majority of the world are generators – the doers which make up 70% including manifesting generators – the magnifiers and energetic powerhouses, we also have projectors – the guides 20%, manifestors – the initiators 9% and the rarest of all reflectors – the mirrors 1%). 

    Human Design - Authority - How to make the best decisions

    Then you also have an authority which is how to make the best decisions. Everyone is different, it’s very much the advice you’ll hear thrown around which is “follow your heart” or “don’t decide with your emotions.” Everyone is different!

    The different authorities are solar plexus (riding emotional waves, hi this is my one) – 47% of the population, sacral (moving quickly, trusting initiate gut reaction, listening to the sounds of your body like mmmmm or uh uh) – 35% of the population, splenic authority (in the moment intuition like a lightning bolt) – 11% of the population, environment 3.5% (sometimes also known as mental authority which is the need to voice your thoughts and perspectives), hear your voice and talk it out with others + knowing your environment deeply impacts you, self projected 3% (which is only an authority for projectors who are here to listen to their own voice and connect with the core of their identity the G center in human design), lunar 1.4% (which is for reflectors only who are to make decisions in alignment with the lunar cycle which typically runs 28 and a half days) and the rarest which is ego with just 1% (which is for a projector or manifestor who is here to follow their heart’s desires).

    Human Design personality and profile lines

    You also have numbers which represent your personality which are made up of two, the first number being your conscious personality and the second being your soul personality. Each number represents a different quality whether it’s 1 – investigator, 2 – hermit, 3 – matyr, 4 – opportunist, 5 – heretic or 6 – role model. 

    What else is covered in a human design reading?

    In a reading we will look at the specifics such as your energetic centres which represent different aspects of life which are represented by the different shapes in your body graph chart. These centres explain for conditioning and being influenced by external factors, which in turn your greatest areas of growth and wisdom whereas defined centres explain for your natural strengths however you are more fixed in nature here. 

    The chakra system has 7 centres whereas human design has 9: the head – explains for mental pressure, ajna or this eye – awareness, perspective, throat – expression, inspired action, g centre – identity, love and direction, heart – willpower, ego, self esteem, sacral – life force energy, sexuality, spleen – intuition, instinct, fears, solar plexus – emotions, highs and lows, root – pressure, adrenaline and drive. 

    You learn about what it actually means to be in alignment with your highest self and when you are not your self. Of course we delve into life energies, your soul purpose and path and in a live session you can ask me questions specifically related to your chart too.

    How did I get into human design and how has it changed my life?

    Human design came into my life maybe 2-3 years ago, I stumbled upon it on the internet and when I first saw my body graph it made no sense and so I dismissed it and went about living my life. It would somehow return into my life during my side hustle and I felt a pull towards it. So I invested in coaching and had my own readings done and I was truly blown away by how much it resonated with me. Now I know this sounds crazy but after that I just ‘got’ the system and decided to do readings for my clients. Now to give you context during this time my intuitive gifts started opening up if you listened to my last podcast episode and probably will do for future ones and I have a 2 profile line in human design – the hermit which is also known as the ‘natural genius’ for certain things. Human Design happens to be my genius. 

    I share human design based on my own interpretations and intuitive downloads whereas other readers may learn the system and do a reading based off that. Each reader will bring their own life experiences, uniqueness and skill sets! What matters is for you to always use your discernment, take what resonates and discard the rest. 

    From there I received feedback from clients who started telling friends and it just spread like wildfire. I am known for giving a lot of in-depth information and detail, the blueprints I manually put together every time are at least 70 pages and I also pick up on intuitive clues that are unique to your soul whether its a symbol or being able to read the energy of where you are in life right now or perhaps stuck. I’ve been fortunate to be the expert resident of human design for Wellweb filming an introductory series there as well as be a part of retreats such as Zero Point Yoga at the incredibly luxurious and well appointed Soma in Byron Bay where they filmed Nicole Kidman’s nine perfect strangers series.

    I don’t post anything about Human Design on my Instagram yet I was getting booked out months in advance. So really the majority of my clients have come from referrals which are huge testament to the impact of a reading on a person and I am so very grateful.

    Phi's Human Design

    One of the greatest things was learning my purpose which is the unexpected which I can very much attest to in my life. So many crazy, wild things have unexpectedly happened. The life I live today is not what I ever imaged for myself, it’s better int he best way possible. Part of my purpose is that I have the channel of struggle, which is when I have pain without purpose, yes I suffer. For all the suffering I’ve had, I’ve been able to channel into helping other people and being the life coach that I am with a breadth of life experiences whether it’s in my career, mental health journey, turbulent emotions navigating the death of my dad and of course relationships and dating. In fact this all ladders into my main life energy which is about fighting and comprehending the meaning of life: purpose. To face my shadows and my fears head on – definitely not an easy soul curriculum, a challenging and very rewarding one. This also helps me to be able to share different perspectives on life which my clients affirm are able to unblock and shift them even in one session with me!

    Human design helped me to navigate big life changes such as quitting my corporate job, moving homes and a break up to feel out how to make the big decision for me as an emotional manifesting generator I had to ride the waves. The longest one being the decision to quit my corporate job oh the ups and downs there! Learning that I am designed to be emotional has been a game changer especially when I’ve been called sensitive or moody — I now go yes that’s how I am. I was built to experience the full spectrum of emotions so understanding that has helped me particularly in tough times when I am in the emotional low, I know that the nature of emotions are waves so coming back up is inevitable as with the down. 

    My emotional authority has also helped me to help others be able to feel (especially after going numb when my dad died at 20). It’s helped me help clients reconnect with their heart and soul, to truly feel.

    In fact I’ve always been busy and on the go, multi tasking, starting things and then not finishing which I was conditioned to believe was bad but very much in the manifesting generator sphere of how we are. I’ve always also been complimented on my energy and presence and that is something my clients report feeling uplifted and energised after speaking with me, full of insights, ideas and the desire to take inspired action.

    It’s also given me permission to do business my way with predominately feminine energy validating the desire for my business to feel easy and in flow combined with the manifesting generator quality of being lit up, excited and energised by what I do. Learning that alignment for me is satisfaction leads the way for me and when I’m frustrated I know that what I’m doing isn’t for me or the way I am going about it isn’t in alignment with me. 

    With relationships, it’s helped me understand why I get along with someone and why I may butt heads with them. How I influence them and how they influence me. How our energies come together and what purpose it serves in life. 

    Human Design client testimonials of Phi

    To share some feedback of how human design has helped clients straight from from client testimonials:

    – My confidence has gone next level.

    – I learn how to exactly manifest based on what’s best for me.

    – There’s so many layers to the human design chart and I find myself relistening to our session and rereading my blueprint and each time I learn something new, it blows my mind away.

    – It confirmed many parts of myself and also helped awaken myself to parts I didn’t think or know about myself.

    – I feel so seen and understood.

    – I always knew I was different but I felt like I needed to conform or satisfy others, I lost myself. Human Design and my reading with Phi helped me call back to my own purpose, to prioritise myself. My uniqueness no longer scares me and I read my human design blueprint everyday to be more in tune with my soul.

    – Mind blowing. The amount of goosebumps during out conversation. I was nodding the whole time because everything resonated with me at a soul and visceral level. Your energy is infectious.

    – Phi has a special gift. It’s so special, affirming, enlightening, it’s truly changed my life.

    – I felt like a puzzle piece of myself with all the pieces floating around me but human design gave me the tools, closes and know how to bring it all together.

    – Phi’s reading has been a homecoming to me, simply because I have so much more clarity on me, my life, business and relationships. I’m honestly overflowing with joy and gratitude.

    Honestly there’s so many you can find them on my website or in my Instagram highlights. The best thing to do is experience it yourself! Human Design is to be lived as an experiment. It isn’t here to box or limit you, in fact it’s here to free you!

    From my own personal experience I’ve never had anyone say that their human design was not accurate. I’ve definitely had people been triggered and come back to share that in the most beautiful way because they used their human design as a portal and catalyst to their truth, perhaps uncovering even shadow work and areas to grow because whilst it didn’t initially resonate, on a deeper level it did and there was a fear to confront that aspect of themselves. Human design shares the highest expression of an energy as well as the shadow expression. 

    Types of human design readings Phi offers

    Human design is like astrology, your foundational human design never changes at its core however it does have influences that change on a daily basis thanks to the position of the Sun, Moon and the planets. Think of it as astrological weather. These readings are best down with an understanding of your foundational human design. 

    Deeper Human Design Readings

    There’s so much information that it can’t all be covered in your foundation reading which covers 4/26 life energies so of course a deeper dive will look into the rest of those energies. I also customise these based on whatever you need, it’s all likely human design cover its from the best environment for you to how you best digest food or your most intuitive sense.

    Relationship Human Design Readings

    You can look at your human design in comparison to another for a relationship reading which I do for many couples and have done for those separating to process a break up. This can be applied to all relationships. I have done readings to see the dynamics between friends, business partners, clients, teachers, mentors and family as examples.

    Business by Human Design

    I also do specific business sessions to help you get unstuck on areas in your business such as what you’re here to communicate, marketing and brand (my background in the corporate world before becoming a coach and human design expert), attracting clients, how to build and run your business in a way that feels like flow and ease. 

    Yearly Human Design Readings – Solar Transit Human Design

    Also known as a solar transit. The path for your year ahead what you can expect in terms of energetic themes and influences. This one is done yearly ideally around your birthday but can be any time. 

    Saturn Return Human Design Readings

    Aimed at those aged 27-29, whereby life provides a huge shake up for you. Specifically significant if you have a 6 profile line given you live life in three stages and your Saturn Return ushers in your second stage. For example during my Saturn Return I quit my corporate job, moved homes, got into a relationship and also got out of the same one. Huge life changes to ensure you are living in alignment with your highest self after all Saturn is about discipline. 

    Uranus Passage – Uranus Opposition Human Design Readings 

    The spiritual mid life crisis or shall I see mid life awakening aimed at those aged 39-42, but have seen clients up to 44-48. It all depends where you are in your journey and how you are feeling as life unfolds for you. Can coincide in changes in life direction. 

    Chiron Human Design Readings

    Your deepest wound in life and it becomes highlighted aged around 50. Though an interesting reading to understand as when you heal from this, often we go onto help others heal in this very area too. 

    You can book a reading on my website or contact me for more information of course!

    Human Design and Life Coaching

    Human Design is one of the tools I use in my 1:1 coaching and even clients I’ve seen for a year and beyond we still discuss and uncover different layers and aspects of their human design. In fact with some clients we will visit how human design activates their gift on a purpose journey, the wounds and karma of understanding their relationships and heart as well as prosperity, to see how one is going to be the most abundant and fruitful in their life. 

    I currently do have 1:1 coaching spots open so if you are interested please reach out to set up a free 30 minute call to see how I can best help you and if we are the right alignment and match for each other.

    I hope you enjoyed this episode on human design! It would mean the world to me if you’re able to leave a rating and review to spread the word and help others on their personal development journey too. Catch you next time beautiful soul!

    Click here to read more

  • Episode 29: Shule Ozek (@closetedsoul)

    Episode Summary of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 29: Shule Ozek Closeted Soul

    A conversation with my new friend Shule Ozek from the Closeted Soul podcast. We talk all things spiritual and the esoteric world from tarot cards to mental health to self love and self acceptance. Shule’s story is truly inspiring – a must listen. She’s gone from being an atheist with a negative mindset to a deep soul living in the spiritual world.

    What you'll learn from this episode

    • Shule’s journey and spiritual transformation
    • Self Love
    • Self Acceptance
    • Self Discovery
    • Tools to use for spirituality: Law of Attraction, Manifestation, Tarot Cards
    • Religion
    • Negativity
    • Mental Health
    • Taking Action
    • Resources

    Key Quotes from this Episode

    We all have these desires there for a reason

    There's a reason you don't like things and there's a reason that you do like things, you can use that as a navigation system.

    We don't go to the school of self-love. I mean, maybe later on in life, I'm like hanging for that. I want to create that for my kids.

    Featured Resources on the episode

    Show Transcript

    [Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:

    Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.

    Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.

    My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”

    My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.

    Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.

    This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.

    Ready to grow? Let’s grow!

    [Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]

    [Episode 29 – Shule Ozek]

    Podcast interview with Shule Ozek Closeted Soul Intro

    Hi, beautiful souls.

    You are in for a treat. 

    On today’s podcast I have Shule Ozek from the Closeted Soul Podcast. She is a former atheist who has undergone an incredible spiritual transformation. 

    Her mission is  to inspire you to practice self love, self understanding and self acceptance through the world of the esoteric. Today we chat all things spirituality, spirit guides, tarot cards, mental health, mindset and so much more juicy goodness. Enjoy!

    [Please note the transcript below is as accurate as possible]

    Getting to know Shule Ozek

    Phi: Hi Shule, welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang (that’s me haha). 

    I’m so glad to have you here after our conversation. It was like the other week right? Time is just like flying?

    Shule: Oh my God. It’s flying. It honestly feels like so long ago, but it really, really wasn’t. Thank you so much, I’m so excited to be here. Thank you.

    Phi: Shule, please tell us a bit more about yourself and your story. I’m sure the listeners would love to know more about you. The last time we spoke actually, the conversation flowed so much, it was so much to talk about. I think you couldn’t shut us up. 

    So I feel like we’re in for a really juicy conversation today. 

    Shule: We really do. I that’s what I was thinking. I was like, I just felt like our conversation was five minutes and before I knew it hour and I’m like, wait, what?

    I had like set, prepare. I said some questions as well. And I’m like, okay, I’m going to, you know, say this one and say this one. 

    Phi: And then it just went out the window

    Shule: Out the window because we just flowed, it was nice. I love conversations like that. 

    Phi: Yeah. So tell us you have a podcast, right? 

    Shule: The closeted soul podcast.

    Phi: I’d love to know about that and your journey, because I saw that you used to be an atheist, which I’m find so hard to believe because we were talking all spiritual woo last time. So tell us about yourself, your journey, the podcast. 

    Shule's story

    Shule: All right. I didn’t even know where to start, I guess, like, I guess okay. To paint a picture of who I was, because I really can’t recognize that person, like last year, honestly, I would say, yeah, start of 2020.

    I don’t know who I was. It was just my whole life. I’ve always led my life based on other people’s decisions. I never ever made my own decision ever. I had no sense of like intuition. I was a hardcore atheist. I really, really rejected religion. Spirituality. Didn’t let that in. And. My whole life was kind of like built up to this point where, you know, I was getting the degree and I was moving out with my partner and like all the things that were supposed to happen were happening yet.

    I was just like riddled with anxiety riddled with self doubt. I hated my life. I was a negative person. And I know that you said, I guess you’re like, okay woman. Sorry. I was so negative. Like I didn’t let myself, uh, look at the positive, any situation I could be on a beautiful holiday and I’d pick out the negative situation in, in, on that holiday.

    It was such a crappy quality to have, like, I’m surprised at the people in my life have stayed in my life. It really shocks me because I look back now and I’m like, I don’t know how you guys would even tolerate that because it’s just, it was such like lack mentality.

    Phi: Right

    Shule: So that was May, and like in the year of 2019 was probably like the biggest year for me in terms of like my biological dad ended up passing away and just all of these other things happened in that year.

    And it was a lot and it really triggered this anxiety that was always in me. But then I started to like kind of wake up with it and it was just constant. And then I would get panic attacks. And then once, like time went on, I realized that I was getting worse and I wasn’t getting better. And I couldn’t, I couldn’t fix, like, I couldn’t fix it.

    Phi: Mmmm

    Shule: Right. I remember I’m a very vocal person. Like, I’ll be very honest about anything that I’m going through. So I remember going to my partner and being like, you know, I’m really unhappy. Like I need help because I was at that point where I’m like, I need help. Like, uh, but he, he, you know, no one can do anything for you when it’s your mindset, that’s trapping you.

    Right. So through that, through COVID actually hitting, I. I was forced to spend all this time with myself. I couldn’t distract myself with society and I couldn’t distract myself with other people anymore or just life in general because it was all taken away. I couldn’t go to work. I was just at home with myself with my thoughts.

    And there’s only so much like you should’ve been tick-tock and moving before you run out. Right. So I really got to sit with myself and it was the first time in, I think my whole life that I’ve actually sat with myself and thought like, look at what you’ve become. You’re riddled with anxiety. You’re like, I have like a panic attack nearly every day.

    I’m so unhappy about my existence here. Like I was actually contemplating not wanting to be here, which is not a place that I ever thought that I would be in. And. I just, I, I can’t believe it like from being that person. And then I, I knew that I had to make a change. I’m like, well, it’s either going to get worse from here, or I’m gonna have to like start doing something.

    So I became interested in meditation. So I started exploring meditation and it was through practice. Like this didn’t happen straight away, but through practice and constantly showing up. Cause I had nothing else. Like I just, I had to do something. So through practice, I started to be consistent with meditating, taking it seriously, being mindful about it.

    And then I started to receive the benefits over time and I was like, wow. Like I forgot the last time that I go to feel peace and just that calmness. Right. I just, my body, I just, that, that feeling was so unfamiliar that I craved it. So, you know, I woke up and I was meditating, lunchtime I’m meditating, but literally often doing my part would be like, what are you doing?

    I’m like, I’m meditating. Maybe like, seriously, I like craved being in that feeling. But then through getting into that feeling, it was really awful mindset. And I was practicing gratitude and slowly, slowly, slowly, things were starting to kind of turn around for me. But then I tapped into a completely different realm that I didn’t even know existed.

    Like you could imagine going from an atheist, thinking that this is all, all it is to then like meditating and getting in tune with like, just. Another realm, honestly, and just activating something in may that now I cannot close the door to so fast forward to spirituality, just changing my life completely.

    And then, you know, the self-development grew from there. Cause that’s all spirituality is to me, it’s just self development working on yourself, cultivating that self-love and I get to do it in like a magical, like with a magical lens on life. Like I, I look at life now as like just magic. I’m always like miracles are happening every day and it’s just beautiful to live from this perspective than what I was, what I was living before.

    So I started the Closeted Soul podcast and it took me a long time to get it. Like to actually trust myself enough to launch the podcast. And I’m so happy I did because just the amount of growth, like I’ve stayed with everyone around me since launching the podcast. Cause you reciprocate what you become to other people around you.

    So it’s been beautiful, like just watching everyone else evolve and then yourself evolving as well. And just the podcast is all about spirituality. It’s just diving into the esoteric world. And I really just created something that I was craving when I was exploring the spiritual world. I needed people to talk about this stuff because it wasn’t so openly discussed.

    It was always like it’s too. Woo. Woo. And you, you know, you’re crazy if you think that or if you go down that rabbit hole and I’m just like, well, I, you like. You know, I I’m experiencing the things that I need someone to validate me and tell me yes, I’ve experienced it too. So I created that platform that for that reason.

    The story behind the name of Shule's podcast Closeted Soul

    Phi: Amazing. Yeah. It’s so funny. Cause like, when you share your story, I feel like we have so many things in common. It’s like, of course we were going to meet. Of course we’re going to come together. And I just, like, I find the name of your podcast, really interesting Closeted Soul and also the esoteric world.

    Can you like explain that to us and the name of the podcast and how that came to you?

    Shule: Yeah. Yeah. Well basically I was toying up. So prior to me going down this path that wasn’t aligned to me, that was based on everybody else’s decision. I always wanted to do YouTube. So since I was 15, it was actually when YouTube first started and I saw this video and I was like, oh my God, I was drawn to it.

    And I just knew that that’s what I wanted to do. And that’s what I should be doing. But quickly I convinced myself, no, no, like that’s not, that’s not the career path. People go down. And how are you going to make money doing that? You know, Fast forward a couple of years later and everyone’s doing it.

    Phi: Wow you were onto something!

    Shule: And I was like, oh my God, I’m so annoyed at myself. Why did I do that? Like, and then it became that be right. So as time went on, I was like, you’re too late. Now the market’s saturated. You’re never going to be something, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like it’s not to base something, but it was just to like, it was this lifestyle, like this lifestyle of creation and doing something you’re genuinely passionate about and being creative and just not living that nine to five, like that linear, that just isn’t for me, it is for some people, but for me, it’s, it’s wasn’t for me.

    And I couldn’t like grasp that. It was like, I, I used to always ponder about that. I used to be like, is this seriously going to be my life? Like, I’m going to go to work nine to five and just do this day in, day out. Like what? Um, so yeah, I allowed myself to stay in that. I allowed myself to stay in that and I tried to follow that linear.

    I was like, you’re going to find happiness. You’re going to find happiness. It’s going to be fine. And obviously I wasn’t following my desires because my desire is from when I was 15, was to start that YouTube channel. That was my, you know, when people were like, what do you want to do with your life? I’m like, I  want to do that. So, um, I, yeah, I just, that happens. I always had that design then when I had my awakening and I was being reintroduced to my soul again, and I was really uncovering all of these parts of myself that I really looked and I didn’t allow in those desires that I suppressed because I told myself I wasn’t good enough.

    So I allowed that to come out again. And when that really really came out, oh my God, it was just. A whole new ball game, because I saw like those desires for creation and being online and being an entrepreneur and like just living this lifestyle that I’ve always wanted to create, that started to come out.

    And I was like, that’s how you’re going to find your happiness when you start following your desires, when you start following your bliss. So I went back and forth for a good year, not a year, six months with the, with the podcast. So I had the idea for six months and it was actually during the new moon.

    Phi: Of course!

    Shule: Cause I was like trying to manifest and I was just sitting there and meditating and I, um, have quite a close relationship now with my like spirit team. So they like communicate with me. It was, they’re very like involved in my spiritual evolution. So it’s been nice to kind of have them there, but I yeah.

    Kind of tapped into them and they just gave me the name.

    Phi: Wow! That’s crazy. 

    Shule: Yeah. And then I was like, what? Okay. So I was sitting on that for so long and I just had it there and I was like, okay, okay. Day. Um, it actually, yeah, I ended up investing in a coach, which we discussed on my process.

    I invested in a coach, her name’s Erin Henry. I don’t know if anyone’s ever heard of her, but she was actually a client of mine.

    Phi: So crazy how it all like comes together.

    Shule: Right. That is so yeah, no, she really helped me step into my power. She was just kinda like, you know, you want to do this so much, like what’s stopping you?

    Shule and Phi discuss fear

    Shule: And I think it’s that fear that really keeps people like here. Um, but then when you start like stepping into the fear and you start doing the thing that was like paralyzing you. It just becomes addictive. You’re like, oh my God, I want to do the next thing. And the next thing, and the next thing do your experience though.

    Phi: I was just thinking literally this is so crazy because LA this week I did like a post on fear about how it stops you. Like, it kind of does stop you from doing things, but it also makes you do things like you didn’t really want to, but you like actually stop yourself from living life when you are fear.

    Like I say, it keeps you stuck small and scared. Like that’s what fear does, right?

    Shule: Absolutely. It does. And I was actually, this reminds me of a conversation I was having with a good friend of mine, but she’s quite like in this like, confused place right now. And she knows what she should be doing, but she’s not doing it because she’s scared.

    She’s fearful of what’s going to happen if she takes that step. And I remember just thinking to myself, it’s so funny how the mind is just so comfortable in discomfort or like this confused energy, because it’s just like, I’d rather be confused because I know I don’t have to take action from this. 

    Phi: That hits deep girl!

    Shule: It’s true. It’s true. It really got me thinking. Yeah. I was like, wow, it’s so funny how we stay here. And we just don’t do the thing because when you do the thing, you, it’s just, you feel like I honestly, I feel like I have superpowers when I’m doing it. And I’m like, whoa. Like I couldn’t even believe that I had the capability of doing that.

    Even just doing this podcast with you now. Like I just. Oh, my God. Like if this was may last year, I’d be like paralyzed with fear. I’d be like, oh my God,

    Phi: Hahaha I don’t believe you (because Shule has come so far and is so different now!)

    But growth isn’t logical. Right? Like I always tell my clients I’m like, growth is not logical. That’s why people quantum leap, you’ve definitely quantum leaped. Like it doesn’t make sense to the mind because it’s not rooted in the mind.  

    Shule and Phi discuss anxiety, self discovery and avoidance

    Phi: I love that you were kind of speaking about meditation and breathing, being the gateway.

    You know, we discuss like going back into the body, but I know you’re really passionate about self-discovery because I know you did a podcast episode, all about tarot cards.

    And now I find out that your spirit team helped you with your name. So you clearly can get in touch with the spirit. And I’d love for you to kind of maybe for anyone listening about their self-discovery journey and your playing with tarot cards and any other techniques or tips that you can share with the listeners today.

    Shule: Yeah, I can. Absolutely. I guess the first, like main thing that self-discovery was with me was actually prioritizing myself, giving myself that time back because that’s what I didn’t do whenever I would have a free moment. I would put like a podcast on a YouTube and I would just drown myself in somebody else’s life and things that weren’t, uh, yeah, just things that weren’t myself, because I couldn’t be in my own anxiety and I couldn’t be in my own mind because it was so toxic.

    And I think that’s what anxiety is like. I think you anxiety comes about because you believe the thoughts that are being perpetuated by your mind. But when you really take the time to actually sit with yourself and observe the mind, and it sounds so cliche, but seriously, when you actually sit there and you let whatever needs to come up, come up, you get to see that the mind is actually quite irrational.

    Mm. It doesn’t make sense. 

    Phi: Yes the brain is a liar

    Shule: It is a liar. It’s not you, you did an episode called the brain of it. Yeah, because it’s true. The brain is a liar. It’s not, it’s not telling you the truth. And when you really get to like step back and disassociate from that part of you, you get to say, oh, that’s a bit irrational.

    And it helps you in so many ways because you don’t get consumed by it. And then you don’t make decisions from that place as well. Because a lot of the time we’re making these anxiety induced decisions or like fear based decisions based on that anxiety and the mind. Right. We’re not actually choosing from a place that is like our heart.

    Our our soul or desires. So, so that was really important for me to actually spend the time. And I think it’s important for everyone to develop some sort of a practice because it’s life changing. I remember I was talking to my best friend about this recently as well, but she was saying, I don’t believe, you know how people say, oh, meditation isn’t for me, just doesn’t work for me.

    Shule on meditation and avoidance

    Phi: Yes

    Shule: I don’t believe she was saying she doesn’t believe that, but same. I just believe that it is for everyone. You just have to develop a way to do it with yourself. If you’re struggling to meditate it’s because there’s something you were avoiding.

    Phi: Yeah, cause that kind of links back to what you said. I find, I see that with a lot of clients as well. They don’t want to listen to their own voice. They’d rather fill it in with anything else. It could be technology eating, drinking, like as long as they can avoid that mind space. So it was really interesting that you brought it up because can you kind of recall a time when you were like there and you’re like, I don’t want to feel this feeling and you’re like just trying to resist?

    And don’t you find that the more you resist it persists? 

    Shule: Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. I can think of a million situations where I’ve done that. Like I’m not sitting here like, oh my God. I’m like transcended and I’m fine. And I’ve overcome the ego. Oh my God. No, I am still like working with that side of myself all the time.

    So it’s just about. Kind of just jumping into it again, like just being like, no, I’m going to face it. Like, I think when you’re meditating, when you’re sitting there, the body’s like trying to do everything exactly what you said to like get out of it. Cause it’s like, I should be doing this. This is time wasting, but really just saying no to the body, like start, don’t get up, don’t do this.

    Like, just take this time for yourself. It’s just about actually doing the thing and the practice of the thing. And then you start to see the benefits of the thing and that’s what keeps you consistent. And that’s what makes you realize, wow, I actually really needed this. So I, my, my best advice is honestly just to do it and just to be consistent regardless of how hard it is.

    So if it’s hard, I think there’s work to be done there. And I think you should do like that all the more reason to do that with yourself. 

    Phi: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think that’s really interesting in your journey as well, because, um, so this kind of brings me back because last night I was talking to my friends and a lot of my friends are skeptics of tarot cards and I was a bit like, Ooh, and then they were a bit worried, like, oh, did I offend her?

    Shule's spiritual journey

    Phi: And so I want to know your perspective because you went from atheist to very spiritual and you’re very open about it. And how has that journey been personally for you? You know, when people don’t believe you’re like, oh, tarot cards don’t exist. I don’t believe in spirit guides. How do you deal with that? 

    Shule: I guess, uh, sorry.

    I’m just like, you asked that question before and I just jumped onto something completely different. 

    Phi: No, no, no. This is the flow let’s get in. Let’s keep going. 

    Shule: Um, so I guess with, with that, I. I struggled the most with my partner, I think. And I think this is the problem for lots of people, because my partner is quite a realist and our dynamic was really, really hard for us because we would bond over being atheists and realist together.

    Phi: Oh, wow. 

    Shule: Like a big black pot of our relationship. The fact that we didn’t like conform to religion and stuff. So it was weird like, cause we connected on that so much. And then for me to completely 360 and be like, oh my God, they’re their spirit guides the universe like, oh my God, I’m at the higher power.

    Phi: Did he think you were pranking him? He’s like, what is this? What happened to her? 

    Shule: I’m lucky. Like it was hard. It was really, really hard, but he’s, he’s shown so much, uh, He’s shown like interest in it. Like, not that he can relate on the conversations that we have or anything like that, but more like in like the create, like the career path, I’m trying to go down what I’m trying to create.


    Shule on her spirituality and the impact on her relationship

    Shule: He buys me like tarot decks. He actually bought me my first tarot deck. 

    Phi: Oh, wow.

    Shule: He shows his support doing that sort of stuff. So he that’s, that’s kind of his way to be like, I’m supporting you in this, even though it’s really weird. But then I had to learn some ground rules as well and be like, okay, I understand you’re learning everything.

    That’s like completely blowing your mind, but some people aren’t ready to hear that. And that’s fine. It’s just not their path either. It’s going to be their path on this lifetime or it’s not, and it’s not my job to convince them. 

    Phi: Mmmm

    Shule on religion

    Shule: I realized like the reason why I was an atheist and I was so like, I didn’t want anything to do with religion was because I felt like it was forced.

    I felt like I was told what to believe, how to be, how to act, if I wasn’t that way I would be punished. And I really had an interesting upbringing with religion because my parents are primarily Muslim. And then my, my mom ended up breaking up with my dad and she was still a Muslim, but one of those she’s so cool.

    I don’t understand why she was like this, but she, she would just really embrace being in Australia and exploring the culture. So I always got to celebrate Christmas, Easter, like all of the fun things. 

    Phi: Mmmmm

    Shule: So I, and I did Beetham as well. So all of the things I did, I celebrated everything and I went to a Muslim primary school and a Christian High school. And through that, I realized that it was like, in my mind, I’m like, this is all basically the same. We’re all saying the same thing, but in different ways. So the whole, like fear that’s embedded in religion turned me off. And I was like, mmm mmmm I don’t want anything to do with that. So then when I had my awakening, it happened so organically, it happened so naturally.

    So I was getting the experiences because I was tapping into something that I didn’t even know existed. And then I would go to the internet and be like, what the hell is happening to me? What is this experience? And I would try to validate it with other people’s experiences. And that’s what drew me to spirituality.

    That’s what made me go, oh my God, I’m a whole hearted believer. I like, I’ll be preaching if there’s a spirituality church, I’m the trip like preaching because it was something that just happened on its own. And I think I lacked spirituality in that. It is so like the way that I follow it, it’s so freeing in that.

    It’s really whatever I want it to be, whatever I need it to be. And. I like it because like, you can believe in whatever you want to believe. It I’ll believe in whatever I want to believe in. And I think like, that’s the best way to navigate it. ,

    Skeptics, like my boyfriend is the biggest skeptic. 

    I’ve proved to him so many times that I’ve like psychic. I predicted something. And he still like finds ways to just be like, no, that’s a coincidence. That’s this. And I’m just like, okay. Like, if you want to live your life through that perspective, that’s fine.

     I want to live life in a magical, we all have this ability. We’re all intuitive perspective. And that’s, that’s, that’s my power.


    Shule on intuition

    Phi: Ooooh I was going to ask you because some people like what if they can connect to the intuition? You don’t believe that or you think maybe they’re not open to it? 

    Shule: I, I believe that everyone can. I think because I was that person that used to be like, I don’t have an intuition seriously fade.

    The way that I would make decisions was back back. This is partially the way that I would make decisions was I would consult everyone around me. So I’d be like, you know, What do you say? What do you think? What do you think? What do you think? And then I’d get the, the decision based on what everybody else picked.

    And I remember one time I was doing that same thing to my best friend, like I always did. And she just looked at me and she snapped because she always had that sense of intuition. And she’s like, don’t you have a sense of intuition. She’s like, why do you always make decisions like this? It’s like, it really like triggered her.

    Cause she’s like, you just rely on other people’s opinions and you don’t rely on yourself. And she’s like, don’t you have that thing that tells you what to do. And I was like, I don’t know what you’re talking about. And I couldn’t say it from her perspective until I had the awakening. And I was like, wow, now I don’t consult anyone with any decision.

    I just tell people what I’m going to do. And I’m like, I’m doing that. So I just completely consult myself.

    Shule on her identity, self acceptance and tarot cards

    Phi: So powerful. They literally gave me chills. I’m like, you’re literally, literally like the living, breathing thing of it. Like you’ve seriously gone, like a whole different journey and your identity is so interesting.

    And I know that you’re really passionate about self-love, but I want to delve into self acceptance because that’s something that you really talk about. And so how do you think that all comes together for your life about the whole self-acceptance and having all these different identities and coming that whole journey, being like, you know what?

    I am my own person. I have my own voice and I’m here to speak about it and show the world right?

    Shule: Yeah, uh, that comes with many different things. Um, bringing it back to what you said, the tarot cards, like the tarot cards as something that really, really helped me actually connect back to myself. So you can look at tarot any way that you want oracle cards, whatever, however you like, right.

    It could either be communicating with your highest self or it could be communicating with like your spirit team, whatever you want to believe in. Uh, it’s really just your interpretation. However you believe you’re getting the information. 

    So when you’re doing tarot, it’s not about actually looking at the like definitions of what the tarot cards mean or the oracle cards or what somebody else has written because it’s your interpretation.

    That’s important. So when you really get to like analyze the image and what feeling is that bringing up? That’s what strengthens the intuition, but not only that, then actually following that guidance. And then through just the practice of doing that, you strengthen that relationship with yourself. And that’s really how I did it with myself.

    That’s one of the biggest ways I. Develop this relationship with myself. So it was just a good way to kind of get like the cards are good visual way to get what was happening in my head out onto a table. And I could see it right. And then I showed myself that I trust myself and I trust my guidance by actually taking the action.

    And I think taking the action is where people struggle the most. And there’s really no formula. There’s really no, there’s no formula other than just doing it. I don’t know if you agree with that?

    Phi: I just think it’s so interesting. I’ve never really heard about anyone describe tarot like that. You know what I mean?

    Shule: Yeah. It’s such a powerful way because it just, it regardless, even though I believe I’m talking to my spirit guides through the cards, as well as my highest self, you don’t have to look at it as a spiritual thing. If you really struggle with like trusting yourself, it’s just about. Yeah. Playing with the card, saying what comes out?

    What does that make you feel? You know?

    Shule on self trust

    Phi: Yes. Self-trust is a very interesting concept. I definitely haven’t trusted myself. I mean, now I do, but definitely before I did it, do you have any tips on how somebody could build their self-trust or anything that you’ve experienced to help you? 

    Shule: Yeah, I honestly just think it’s just doing the thing that you know, that you know you should be doing.

    Like there’s that, you know, that saying where people say, um, where they say, I don’t know what I should be doing. I don’t know what I want. 

    Yes, you do. You know what you want? I’ve been saying that for years and years and years and deep down, I knew what I wanted, but I was like, I don’t have any passions.

    Yes, you do. You just, you. Uh, choosing to say, I didn’t have any passions because your desires are too much for you to actually let you go into that thing. Right? Because you you’re scared. You’re scared about not working out. Maybe it’s not as accepted by society. Um, maybe it’s not what everyone else does.

    Maybe it’s different. Maybe it will make you feel left out. 

    So I think, uh, realizing that, and then realizing that that’s important. Like we all have these desires there for a reason, your desire Phi is going to be completely different to my desires, programmed differently. We want different things, but he have for different things, but he had to fulfill different things for different people, whatever.

    Right. So it’s important to realize that. And I think we can get trapped in that. We all want the same thing, but we don’t. Hmm. 

    Phi: Yes. 

    Shule: I think really using that and trusting that what’s, there is there for a reason.

    There’s a reason you don’t like things and there’s a reason that you do like things, you can use that as a navigation system.

    I don’t like that. That’s not for me. I’m going to go down this way. So don’t suppress that part of yourself because it’s only going to lead to like an unhappy life, which it did for me for so, so, so long. So I say the best way to trust yourself is to actually follow that desire and take action. Like actually follow the thing, do the thing, prove to yourself that that was the right, uh, that was the right message or that was the right path for you.

    And then through that action of like continuing to go in that direction, you’ll realize, okay, that’s how I trust myself. Like you just weren’t even questioned it. Like whenever things come up, you’re like, okay, I know that’s what I have to do now because I’ve done it time and time again. And it’s proven me right.


    Shule on growing through life

    Phi: Yeah. You’re like blowing my mind. Cause I mean, we’re talking about concepts. Like they’re not new concepts. Right. But just like the way you explain it is a very different perspective to mine. And I love that we all have stupid similar, but really different. And I love that you’re sharing all of that. And so, I mean the podcast name, right. 

    It’s called the Grow Through It podcast. So it’s all about, you know, this podcast is don’t just go through life, go through it. So what will you say is like been your catalyst for growth and what really like kind of shot you up and you’re like, yep, I’ve got to do this. This is my growth. This is my waking.

    Like, whatever that is for you?

    Shule: Uh, for me, I guess like the thing that showed me up into growth was I did reach this really, really bad point in my life where I, like I said, I was contemplating being here. I was contemplating the will to live. I was really, really just reaching out to people around me. Like I need help.

    Like I’m so unhappy. I was riddled with anxiety and self doubt and. It was either I was going to stay that and it was going to get worse. And to be honest, like I know that this is really crap to say, but I don’t even know if I’d be sitting here. If I followed that path. I don’t know if I’d be here right now, having this conversation with you.

    Like, it’s just crazy to think, like, cause it was, it was bad and it was just getting worse and worse and I’m not gonna lie. Like I was quite a neglectful towards mental health. I didn’t understand it until I went into it. And then I understood it and I was like, wow, like I understand now how like profound and how hard it can be.

    So kind of being in that, it was either like I had to make a decision and say that you’re going to stay there and it’s going to get worse and worse and worse, or you’re going to make that change. And you’re going to start like giving yourself what you need, what you’re like, my soul is yearning for. And once you start doing that, like.

    It’s either going to get better or it’s going to completely suck. So I think like I got to this point where it was like life or death, really, as dramatic as that sounds, it was life or death. 

    For me, it was either you start listening to yourself and listening to your soul, your desires and following, you know, everything that’s in you that you really, really wanted to explore and you want to let out, or you keep it suppressed and you stay unhappy and then it gets worse and it gets worse.Then it gets worse. 

    Shule and Phi discuss mental health

    Phi: Wow. Yeah. Thank you so much for sharing. And you don’t like, I don’t think we talk about enough about it, like that issue of like contemplating your place in society and being alive here. Right? Like we all kind of like, you talk about it when it’s like mental health week or mental health month.

    And then we kind of like tip toe around it because like, Ooh, it’s like so controversial and we’re like, skip. I’m like, let’s not be scared about it. Like, let’s talk about it. Right. Because somebody is listening and being like, I’ve made that, I’m feeling this right now. And so I guess, like, what do you think really kind of push you?

    Like I know you were kind of, um, delving more into spirituality and breathing, but do you know when you, at that place, like some people, like, how did you find that will, how did you get that motivation to be like, okay, I’ve got to change it because, you know, I think we’ve all been there. We’ve been just so down and we feel like we’re in like this whirlpool and we cannot get out and we’re like drowning and we’re like trying to scream for help, but we’re like, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t.

    How did you make that leap? 

    Shule: How did I do it? I just like black. I said it just actually got to that life or death point. Like it was either I stay in my misery and I’m not here anymore. Like I do the things that I’m thinking about, or I, I take, I try to make a change and it was hard. Like I’m not going to sit here and say it was easy.

    And like, once I did it, like it skyrocketed, no, like I was trying to meditate for a good four months in that period. And I, I couldn’t, I couldn’t even stand being alone with my own mind, but I’m quite a persistent person. And I guess, like, that’s just a quality that I have where I really, really, um, I’ve always envisioned a happy life for myself and I never like wanted to be in like misery, you know what I mean?

    So I really just envisioned like envisioned a playful, happy life. And I wanted that so much. And when I hit adulthood and like all this like crappy shit was happening, I was like, Uhhhhh, like, it’s just getting like worse and worse and worse. And is this what adulthood is it? Does it just get worse? Because I was surrounded by adults with like such a negative mindset and I was like, oh my God, I just felt way down.

    That’s the best way I can describe it. And, uh, I guess that, like that, like that envision that I had, like deep down that I just wanted and crave like a happy life and just to be happy and grateful. So I think that that was just within me. Like I said, 

    Phi: It’s beautiful. 

    Shule: Yeah. It’s in you or it’s not right. So yeah.

    You decide kind of how you want to go with it because, you know, I’ve seen people go the other way, completely like down a bad path and it breaks my heart that they don’t feel like they can get out of it. But I really believe that it’s just something that you have to find within you.

    Phi: I think you can always get out, right?

    Like, um, I genuinely a hundred percent believe it. And I think that’s something that’s really comes through in what you’ve just said. It’s like holding that vision, like whether it’s manifesting or getting yourself out of a bad time, you have to hold the vision. You have to hold that. Hope that even if it doesn’t look like it’s happening, it can happen.

    We live in a quantum reality. It could just drop out of the sky. Like I tell that to so many clients, like, I mean, if we, if I talked to you like a year ago, you’re probably like, no, I’m not gonna be a positive person. I don’t believe in spiritually, but I could be like, do you, well, maybe you will be. And then here you are.

    Shule: Right. You’re so right. You’re so right. And I also want to bring it back to what you said about the mental health, like it being such a taboo topic and this about it. I completely agree. I think it’s something that we should talk about. We should start talking about this because so many people stay with that.

    And that was a big thing with me. Like I, um, do you know much about astrology. 

    Phi: Yes. I love astrology. You know me? 

    Shule: Yes. I’m a Virgo ascendant. So that means like ascendent is kind of how people see you have it all together. They look like they’re very structured, organized, and they just have it all together.

    So in my deep down in my head, I’m like sh like the looking for the world to live and people like, oh, wow, she’s got it all sorted, look it up going, you know, graduating with that degree, moving out with her partner, like all of this is happening for her. So that’s like kind of what I was portraying, but like deep down, I was hurting so much.

    Right. And I’m looking around at other people and you know, people don’t talk about this stuff very openly. And I’m like, no one asked is feeling this. Am I alone in this? What’s wrong with me? And then like, whoa. So then having these conversations just makes you think, okay, I’m not alone. I’m not the only one who goes through this.

    So it’s just powerful that you said that. And I think it’s true. Like you put up that post recently. Um, uh, what was it called? It was the one we had, like the three words. 

    Phi: I can’t even remember.

    Shule: Uh, but that just, you, you were talking about mental health. You were really honest Phi, which I love. 

    Phi: Oh, yes. Yeah.

    Shule:It’s just, it’s so nice and refreshing to say that on social media, because it can be. Hard to.

    Phi: Oh yeah. You’re giving me all the flashbacks. Sorry, everybody. I would say we were laughing because I was say I’m so present that. I forget like all these things, but it was, yeah. So this week I was really ill, like, so ill that I couldn’t like watch TV.

    I couldn’t even like read a book and it taught me surrender. And I was like, oh my gosh, I just have to surrender to this. I can’t fight this. If this cold wants to take over, I’ve just got to let it do its thing. And I felt all these things and I was like, oh, actually I didn’t even want to, um, upload that because I felt a bit angry because in that photo I was like really down and really angry at the world.

    I was like, oh my gosh, I’m so sick of myself. Right. But like you said, it’s so important to talk about these things. Especially people like us who have a platform. I don’t want people to think that I’m happy all the time. Cause I’m definitely not. So it was a beautiful moment. I remember writing that and I’m like, it’s just such a true.

    It’s just so much truth in that post and what you said, and I love that you had that experience. I really, really do. I was teaching. I mean, what’s your experience with surrender? Because I think I said in the post, like people think surrendering is like, you give up. Right. But I think there’s so much power in being like, you know what, okay, take me with the flow.

    Let me go where you want me to go. And I surrender and I felt really powerful by the end of the week, style awake, nor angry at surrender. So I wanted to know your experiences about surrender.

    Shule on surrender

    Shule: So, um, I do struggle with that, but I think what ends up happening is it kind of gets to this point in my mind where I’m like, okay, there’s no like. So, okay. I guess, like to be as truthful and honest as I possibly can, which is what we’re talking about, but I was getting caught up in analytics.

    So I was getting caught up with like analytics on posts and podcasts and all of this, like, and it was like feeding my ego almost. Right. So it was like, um, I remember like the podcast hit, like, was it like a thousand downloads or something like that? And I was like, oh my God, that’s so exciting. And I was going to go on social media and just be like, oh my God, thank you guys so much.

    And I like stopped for a moment. And I was like, okay, what am I going to do that. Like, what is this full? What am I really saying? Thank you to the listeners, or am I doing it to feed my ego? Am I doing it to prove to people that the podcast gets downloads? You know what I mean? And that ended up being the reason I was looking for validation.

    I wanted other people to know that I was succeeding and that it was going somewhere. And I’m like, that’s not the way that I want to live. I don’t want to live my life based on other people and getting validation from them because that’s how I’ve lived my entire life. And that made me extremely unhappy.

    I need to be able to give that to myself. I need to be able to just really celebrate that on my own. So I didn’t post that. And I stopped and I was like really proud of myself, like realizing that that came up and I got to stop myself in that moment and be like, why is he doing this? Oh, my goodness. Yes.

    Because gosh, so many times I’ve been there to anything in life. I’m like, wait, you know, like people say like, I want a relationship or I want lots of money, but I’m like, is that what you really want? Or are you just subscribing to something that’s picked up along the way when you were growing up and you’ve just kept going with it.

    Like so many times I’m like, wait, is this what I want? Or is this like, find my mom wants me to do all society.

    Phi: Right. And for you to share, Shule that is so powerful. To be able to be like, oh my gosh, what am I actually doing this for? And being humble enough to be like, yeah, that was my ego. And we all have an ego, right?

    Shule on the ego

    Phi: I mean, what’s your take on the ego? Because I had this relationship where I was like, the ego is so evil, but I’ve come to realize that ego is just doing its bit to protect you at all costs. You know, I say. The mind is not for your happiness, it’s wired for your survival. So what’s your take on the ego and your experiences with ego and maybe dissolving the ego cause that’s damn hard.

    Shule: Yeah. I don’t think like it’s, you shouldn’t really dissolve the ego. Cause like you said, it’s important. It’s there and you realize it’s not such an evil thing. It, the ego is that defense mechanism that protected us when we were a child, when we know something bad happened to us and it came in to like be there for us.

    So the ego is a massive part of us. And my friend actually gave me this analogy and I really find it so helpful. I think kind of, uh, her name on Instagram is elevating consciousness. Um, she talks to her ego in a way where she treats it like a child, like a little baby child. So whenever it’s starting to play up where it’s like, I’m not getting attention or this isn’t happening or this didn’t get so many likes and now I’m sad.

    Like that, that part that comes up, she will then talk to as if like a kid like it’s okay. You’re still loved. You’re still very accepted. I accept you. So it’s just that back and forth, like catching the ego and that’s what I’ve been doing. And I found it so helpful because when you actually look at how the agar reacts and like it acts out, you’re like, it actually is very childlike.

    It is just that in a child like that, didn’t get something when you were a kid and it’s acting out now as an adult. So to actually catch that, if you, if you can like really, you know, develop a mindfulness practice and you can really get to know yourself and then you can catch those things. Like, you know how I could catch myself in that moment and be like, why are you doing this?

    Um, in that moment. And then you just talk to that, that, that ego side of you. And you’re like, it’s okay. We’re still loved. Those are fine. Like, you know what I mean? 

    Phi: I love that because you know, it goes really hand in hand with consciousness and awareness. That’s like the parent, right? It’s not like your, you don’t love your children.

    It’s just like, you’re the parent watching the kid, having the tantrum and you’re trying to like appease it and make a decision out of your best awareness as an adult self. So I think that’s really, really cool. And I love that you had those conversations with your friends. And so a lot of listeners, like they always want to know, like, you know, do you have any books that have been really, you know, spiritual, not spiritual?

    Shule on her favourite books, podcasts, resources

    Phi: Well, they could be spiritual, but I mean development to your growth or, you know, any favorite quotes that really resonated with you that you’d be able to share with us.

    Shule: So a really good book for ego, like really like catching the ego is called what’s it called conversations with the devil by Napoleon hill.

    Have you heard of it? I’ve heard of it, but I haven’t read it. It’s such a good raid because it’s very, it’s the devil is the ego basically. So just like develop, like, learning how that works and how that manifests into our minds at what age that manifests. And then like really understanding that. And I guess for me, because a lot of my self development journey has been spiritual based.

    Like it was me really relying on the spiritual podcasts and things like that. So I really, really enjoyed in terms of podcasts. I really enjoyed, um, manifestation, babe. 

    Phi: Oh, yes. Yes. 

    Shule: I just, I love her. I love her content. It’s so wholesome. It’s so nice. Um, so I learned a lot through this, uh, balanced, blonde podcasts as well.

    I learnt a lot through that podcast. Um, I’m trying to think what was. That would be my, um, a lot of my main recommendations are really good wine. If you want it get like deep into this boat of spirituality, understanding the ego and all of that, her name is Christina alerts and she’s on YouTube. She really helped me a lot as well.

    Like really gives detailed explanations and then tangible tools on how to like get through certain situations or overcome blocks. And it’s very, very helpful in that the video is so detailed and they’re all for free on YouTube. So she just shared so much value, but she really, really helped me as well.

    Shule and Phi discuss coaching and investing in yourself

    Phi: Oh, great. Thank you so much for sharing because I mean, I definitely agree. I think we are so lucky. Like when has there been a time in the earth where you can access everything for free? Like genuinely, like everything is free and it’s out there. Right. You just have to find it. But then I also think like when you invest in yourself, like say a coach, like you have, and I haven’t, you know, the clients of mine, it is a different journey because you put your skin in the game, like your energies behind it, because you’re putting a resource behind it.

    It’s not to say like it’s better growth or anything. It’s just a different place, a different energy, maybe at a different rate. What is your take on that? Cause I don’t like the stuff like I’m a life coach and I’m saying like, you don’t have to work with a life coach to get better. Like, I don’t believe that at all. I think you accelerate it, but I don’t think it’s necessary. What do you, what’s your take?

    Shule: I love that you say that because it’s empowering, you give people the power back. And that was a lot of what I realized when we were talking on the episode that we did together on my podcast.

    It was, you were really, really talking about, uh, how you really pull that out of people. You’ll kind of just there just kind of thing. People’s guide back to themselves really, right? 

    Phi: Yeah. What’s in them. It’s that.

    Shule: You all have it within you. Like we all do. We all have the capability of pulling ourselves up and I think like you’re so right, like investing in a coach.

    The may, it was like, I’m going to prove to myself that I’m putting myself first. Finally, because for me at that point, I was at this point where I was like, okay, I know what I need to be doing, but I’m too scared to take the step. I’m too scared to do it. So I needed that support. So when I invested that money into that coast coach, she helped me then, like, it’s kind of like, okay, you’re investing in yourself.

    You just put that much money into investing in yourself and your growth and your, you know, you really gonna disappoint yourself by like wasting all that money and not doing the thing. And then that person becomes your cheerleader. Right. And they’re like to do it usually. Yeah. She’s like, you have it all within you.

    Like just do it, just do it, just do it. And then somebody like that, believing in you, also somebody that’s doing like, usually we invest in people that have what we want. Right. Like what we’re looking for. So having that person behind you saying I did it, you can do it too. That’s really helpful because you’re like, okay.

    Yeah, like she could do it. I’m going to do it. So it’s so like investing in a coach, if you have like. The financial means to do so. And you want to prove to yourself that you’re important and you’re going to take off, you’re going to follow your desires. It’s with it a hundred percent. And it was the best investment I’ve ever made.

    Shule on taking action

    Phi: Oh, I love that. I love that. And I think for our conversation today, I really learnt that you’re very action orientated, girl, you move, you make moves. Like you don’t just like sit there and stagnate. And so I wonder, have you ever been in that place where, because you’re like such an action, take-away you feel like you’re stuck and when you’re stuck, like, what do you do?

    Shule: Like I said, I was stuck for the whole year. Like I had, I had the podcast idea in last year, year, and I wanted to, I purchased like the blog and all of it in media last year. And I did not take action until February this year. So that was like a good six to seven months that I just didn’t listen to myself.

    But I just, I didn’t do the thing. So that wasn’t me and what I did, funnily enough, I invested in a coach. Yeah. It’s funny. It’s true. Like, I think I was, I still remember my first coach. I was very reluctant, but it is something about it. Like your energy and the money you just like, I can’t not do it now.

    Phi: I always say that my clients are like, hi, their dreams are hiring me because the dreams want to happen. And they’re like, can you just please stop the process and like, get along and do what you need to do. But it just shows that you just sometimes like you do it. And even though you feel scared, even though you’re, you know, you’re worried about being judged, right?

    Shule: Like, and you grow a lot in your self love as well, because you’re like, I love myself. I’m going to do this for myself. I love myself enough to not be so worried about other people’s judgments. And so I love to know like your take on self love and your growth and journey. Yeah. Uh, I love that. You said that that’s exactly right.

    It’s just that stepping into fear and then it becomes addictive because you’re like, oh my God, I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. And then you keep going natural drug. I actually forgot the question. Oh yeah. So I was saying like, because when we step into the fear, but I think it takes a lot of self love to do it.

    Phi: Right? Because you love yourself enough to invest in yourself. You love yourself enough to do the things, even though people might judge you. And so I wanted to know like your take on self love and the development of yourself love in your like spiritual growth. 

    Shule: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, that was something that’s probably been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to cultivate in this life, loving myself enough to give myself the life that I’ve always dreamed really has been like such a journey with me with self-love and I still struggle.

    Like there’s still things that I have to work on, but I’m so like, I, I have come such a long way with it. I have, I really, really have, and I am proud of myself and I think that’s a good reminder for people to look at kind of where they were and where they are now as well, because I think you can get, you can get lost in the growth and you’re like the next thing, the next thing.

    But then you’re like, wait, look at how much I’ve changed. Like this is me right now in may last year. It was just a completely different person. Like I’m so proud of me. So just taking those moments, really like really, uh, being my cheerleader, like whenever I would have those little minor milestones where I, you know, posted my first story did my first podcast, like celebrating that and celebrating me and celebrating my ability to do that.

    Shule on self love

    Shule: So really like. Also spending time with myself, like loving myself enough to like set boundaries was really, really important. I was like such like a giver and people like really projected onto me. And I would take that on. I was like an empath and I would literally, I would be like, so like wake and broken and I would need like time to myself.

    But if somebody asks me to like, be there with them for a thing, I would go, cause I’m like, you need me, I’ll be there for you. So it was like cutting, like getting out of that mindset that I had to be like that. And like really giving back to myself and being like, you know what, Monday to Friday is for me, no, one’s going to get me in that time.

    It’s mine and weekends, I would give to other people. And that like being able to rejuvenate my energy, spending time with myself because doing those mindfulness practices like meditating and, you know, having like a spiritual bath with Epsom salts, playing with my crystals, playing with my tower, like that brings me back to my soul and it makes me so happy.

    Connects me back to my hot and. I need that time with myself. So like making that a priority over other people. And then once you can really like nourish that version of yourself, you’re showing yourself, I love you. I love you. And I’m going to give that to you. That’s what you want. That’s what makes you happy?

    I love you. I’m going to give you the things that you want. Nourishing a buddy, even like eating those good foods, like feeding your body. Things that feel good. Like when I was in a really, really bad place, I didn’t care about my health. I didn’t care about how I was feeding myself and my, I, I shuffled for it.

    I’ve developed celiac disease, really bad IBS, like just so many things and even CBO at some point. So like, I just, wasn’t listening to my body. It just got really, really bad. So showing myself that I love myself, I’m making like a nice nutritious meal, like spending the time to do that. Just those small acts of self-love.

    Does that make sense? 

    Phi: I feel like absolutely. No, no. I was just listening so deeply. Cause I was like, that’s so very true because you don’t realize that. Well, I feel like people think you have to do things for self-love, but I genuinely believe self-love is the lifestyle. Right? You should be loving yourself in every moment and be able to make the choices because yes, there is hard, but it’s like, when you are talking about it, I was like, yeah, she actually becomes such a better person and a better friend because you are like at your full and then you’re like, okay, I can give to you because I’m so happy.

    I’m so connected. And. Like, I think it was like talking about this with a client, because I was like, you know what self love, like your friends should respect that. Right? Like, I wouldn’t be like, oh gosh, do you want to take a weekend off? Because you’ve had a terrible week at work. Like, how dare you? Like, I don’t think any normal friend would be like, no, you can’t do that.

    Like, it’s just weird. This we’re bringing all the threads in, but like your mind just makes up all this crap. 

    Shule: Right. And no one teaches you how to love yourself. When you think about it, we don’t go to the school of self-love. I mean, maybe later on in life, I’m like hanging for that. I want to create that for my kids.

    Shule on what's next for her

    Phi: Well, that’s interesting because I’m like, what’s like, what’s next for you? Like, you obviously have a podcast. Where can people find you. 

    Shule: Yeah. Oh God. So right now I am, I’m doing like a healing and mediumship course, basically. 

    Phi I’m so excited for you.

    Shule: I’m excited. So I don’t know where that’s gonna take me, but it feels right. And I’ve never felt like I was at home. Like I was doing the course and I just had this like overwhelming feeling of this is right. Like, this is where you’re supposed to be. And when I’m doing the work and I’m reading people and I’m learning like the healings, it just feels so familiar.

    And so, right. So I’m hoping to then start like maybe offering that to people. I’m not sure what it’s going to look like, and I’m going to leave it open to whatever it needs to be. So I’m going to just leave that, but you can expect that from me in future. I’ll be definitely go spirit. So we’ll just time.

    It, nobody like it’s time now. I’ll just be like, you’re doing this. Um, so it’ll be something like that. But right now I’m just getting most in the conversations, like really focusing on the podcast and really like sharing people’s stories. Like your story. Like I’m passionate about people like you I’m like, it’s so cool.

    Phi: You have like every single topic. I was like, wow. She talks about like all sorts. Say, if you’re into the spiritual, you need to check out the closeted soul podcast. Trust me. And I feel like you’re such a calm, like you’re so great at conversations and you bring out the best people. But I mean, I’m just like reflecting on this time.

    I don’t even know what the time is, but it’s been such a healing conversation genuinely. Like it’s just so deep. And I think you are meant to hear, like, I would, I think that path is open for you, but I could definitely see you doing that. I think that’s really, really beautiful. And I mean, um, in terms of healing, do you think you have to do anything?

    Do you think it’s like a spiritual thing? Like what is healing to you? 

    Shule: Healing can be many things and it’s really just how far you want to take it. But I think, um, In order to like go to the healing. Like for me, it started off like how it starts up for everyone. Like the law of attraction medicine. Woo.

    This is fun. Oh my God. I got to create my own reality. And then you realize, oh my God, there were so many blocks where do these come from? Oh my God. Like, I actually have like things I have to deal with. And then you go down the healing path. It’s important to not get caught up in the healing path because that can also be quite like really sad and it can get really, really Dave.

    So it’s yeah. You need like a balance of both. And while balance is so hard to like, cause you can’t really have a balance. Right. But just, just be mindful of not going, like getting too caught up on the healing. Um, I think first of all, like the most important thing before taking steps to healing is to develop that relationship with yourself.

    Really understand what you need. And what if there’s something that you’ve have tried to work on it, look, look it up. Like we have so much access to information on the internet. And that’s how I did a lot of my journey. Like a lot of people, like, I can’t believe you like did everything all on your own.

    And I’m like, yeah, well, I had the internet, like how lucky are we to even have access to this information? So utilize it, you know, those resources that I mentioned, explore them because you will learn so much. And then you’ll learn like how to do and people give such valued, valuable advice on the internet.

    So really, really go through that and, um, try to take on the practices, take them seriously as well. And then if you’re struggling from there, like for me, like for example, like I have a really, really heavy childhood, which how I bring up because it just brings the vibe down. But I’m like a really heavy childhood that I talk about on my cost, but I needed help dealing with that.

    I was like, That was when the ego was coming in and I was like, mm, you you’ve dealt with this. You don’t have to deal with it. You’ve dealt with, but it was because it was to visit. So I was like, yeah, been myself that I had healed, but I had been. And when I realized that that like kept coming up in my reality and kept like keeping me here.

    And I couldn’t like, it’s like, I couldn’t move to the next thing because I knew that that had to be dealt with. So they came a point where it had to be dealt with. And again, my guides were like, you have to deal with this and I needed help. And I’m really hard at asking for help. And that’s when I invested in an actual, like, um, she was a healer and it was a very like intense situation where she took me into a meditation.

    She brought up the situation. I was in that meditation for three hours. Wow. It was full on and she just talked me through like the scenario and she didn’t let me get out of it. And what I could, what was happening to me during that time was I kept trying to get out of it. Like, I don’t want to deal with this anymore.

    Like, I’m done, I’m done. I’ve done it. I’ve done it. And she kept saying, no, you’re not, you’re not done. Go back. Like, go back. It was intense. 

    Phi: Oh goodness. It’s like, it sounds like ayahuasca, you know how like full on that is. Oh, you go to peak frontier. You can’t leave it’s in your mind. Would you say it was kind of like that, but obviously more not plant related?

    Shule: It was spiritual. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And look, you can do that. Like that’s what a lot of people say as well. Like those experiences, you can get as well, like without being on the plant medicine. So you can definitely do that. So it’s. That’s what’s so cool. Like you just have to seek out what you need.

    So that was really, really powerful. Like I’ve seen shamans but energy work and it’s just, it is really, really powerful when that’s what you want to. Allow in even things like, like Kinsey, I can’t say it. Kinesiology. Kinesiology. Yeah. Yeah. That’s all run. Um, but that like Reiki, that’s also really good for healing as well.

    So if you feel like you’re a bit blocked immunity somehow, like those, those alternatives. Yeah. Yeah. Right. I think you should open your mind. I don’t think anything’s right or wrong. I think you’ve just got to try it for yourself and open up. And I just love what you said about everyone begins in the law of attraction because I’m like, yeah, it’s true.

    Like you realize that you can create your reality, but you’ve also all the whole time have been creating it. So, you know, it’s not always like, you know, all the manifestations coming true. It’s also like the stuff in the past that you have to take in your life and work through. So it sounds like you’ve really gone there, but I just laughed to myself because I was like, yeah, we all started out really positive and realize like the healing and the work is not always in the fun things.

    Phi: It’s in the stuff where you have to really. Deeply confronts stuff that you don’t want to, and it makes you feel very uncomfortable, right? Especially like, I can’t imagine having visions being brought out and being like, you have to stay there and you know, your mind can’t distinguish between reality and not real.

    Right. So you’re literally putting yourself through it again, reliving it to, you know, move forward with your life. And it’s so true because life will literally bring back patterns. I tell my clients, like, it’s not that it’s like punishing you or anything, but the patterns are happening for a reason because the universe wants you to pick up on the pattern and be like, oh wait, that may like, Hey, you think I was like, oh, not me.

    That’s not the universe. That’s me. Like, this is something I have worked through the last 8 years before like I met my boyfriend. So, I mean, it’s, it’s a karma. Like what do you want to call it? What are your takes on like that kind of life path journey? 

    Shule on the subconscious

    Shule: I believe it’s all subconscious. Like, I love that. I believe it’s all subconscious.

    I believe that we haven’t dealt with that. And you got to think about how universe is basically a replication of our subconscious, what we call the law of attraction. Isn’t hard. The law of attraction is always working. You don’t have to try hard at it. It is something that happens. Like you realize you’ll just be talking about something like, um, and a topic will come up and then it’ll come up in another situation somehow some form, like just from nothing.

    And it’s just, it’s so weird. Like my partner and I were always joking about the house next door going on sale. Cause it’s so beautiful. And I’m like, I’m going to live there. It’s going to go on sale. It went on sale seriously. And it’s like completely within our price range. It’s just so funny because those were the things I was joking about.

    I was like, that has, is going to go on sale. It’s going to be within our price range and blah, blah, blah. And it did. And I was completely joking. So it’s just it really, whatever you put out there, it comes back the back end. It’s not, it’s not a hard thing. And I really truly believe that the subconscious is, it controls a lot of what, what you have.

    Phi: Oh yeah. It wasn’t 95% of what we do. Like, isn’t it a weird thing? He, that like the thoughts you’re having a, not you it’s like in a, it’s like a washing machine. It’s like just going over and over different forms. But I get what you’re saying. It’s like the core thing is it’s still the same. Just keeps coming up in different ways.

    Shule: Right. It’s, it’s controlling a lot of what’s happening and it holds onto a lot of hurt from the past. So, you know, maybe like it could have been as simple as your mom yelling at you, when you were a kid, maybe you were singing in your mom saying shut up, you know, that could have really, really hinted to a self-conscious and it all comes back to build that relationship with yourself, understand why you’re doing things.

    If there’s a patent, like, you know, maybe a relationship that you keep getting to relationships and they keep cheating on you. Why is that happening? You know, look into that. Is that something that you’re attracting? That was the most powerful thing for me. Like, I was always like, oh, life is happening to me.

    My life’s the worst I’m so like unlucky. And then when I really like took the step step back and I was like, what am I the creator of this? Am I creating this? Like unluck and like this, this dreamy sort of laugh for myself. You know what I mean? And then I realized I’m like, yes, you are. It’s all in the perspective.

    And it’s all in the mind. And when I started to change that, and I said to really like practice gratitude and all of that, and I’m really do that work with myself and I get to like, change the way things played out. But that was, yeah, it’s such a powerful distinction, so powerful because when you do that, you’re like taking responsibility for your life.

    And people think that’s like a drainer, but I’m like, no, if you’re responsible for it, you can fix it. You can change it at any time. Right. That is super, super empowering. And so when you set that, I was like, oh yeah, like that’s so true. And something else came up, which was like the stuff we talk about the world we deal with.

    Like spirituality, it doesn’t make sense, but it works because it’s not because if it was a mind conscious thing, your mind would intercept it. Right. That’s why this stuff is on a subconscious level. You don’t even realize it. So it’s kind of like a bit of like a mind blowing thing. Right? Mind blowing thing.

    Phi: Cause it’s true. It’s like, uh, it’s all subconscious, but then you have to be conscious of, I know what you mean. Yeah. 

    Episode closing Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang 29: Shule Ozek

    Phi: So I guess before we end the conversation today, I would love to know, you know, what’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever been given and for, to tell listeners how they can find you on Instagram, your website, where your podcast is available.

    Shule: Yeah. Yeah. Okay. It can do, can do the best piece of advice I was ever given. This is going to sound so cliche and it’s so boring. And I know that this comes around all the time. Like everyone knows what they’re saying, but it was really the thing that helped change my life and shift my perspective. It was that I was the creator of my own life that I was, I, I couldn’t have anything that I wanted, as long as I gave myself the permission to have that thing.

    If that made sense. That’s so powerful. And it’s true. Yeah, it was that just because I was always a victim, I always felt like a victim to life. Like life was happening to me. So when I, when I heard that and I really said to practice anybody that everything changed, everything changed. I just became an unrecognizable person.

    So yeah, absolutely that, um, and where people can find me. So I hang out on Instagram the most. So at closeted soul, And my podcast is the closed cell podcast. You can find it on apple podcasts and Spotify. And I also have a website. If you want us to check out the episodes

    Phi: Thank you so much for being on the podcast. My love it’s been so good. So deep, I’m literally, I was like, whoa, now I’m like jumping out of the conversation, but thank you so much for being on the podcast. 

    Shule: Thank you so much for having me. I honestly had so much time, so much fun and I can’t believe the time

    Are you wanting to find out more about 1:1 Coaching or working with me? Maybe perhaps you want to know more about me. I’d love to connect with you. You can visit my website or connect with me on Instagram @thephidang. Speak to you soon.

    Click here to read more

  • 28: Impact of Fear

    Episode Summary of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 28: Impact of Fear

    Fear can play a prominent role in the lives of many. Ironically it makes us do a lot of things yet also stops us from doing a lot of things. Learn more about the impact of fear in your life and what is going on inside your brain. An inspiring take on fear and how it can elevate your growth!

    What you'll learn from this episode

    • How fear stops you from living life fully​
    • Fear paralysis and how it keeps you stuck
    • How to break the cycle of fear
    • Spiritual meanings of fear
    • How to overcome fear and it’s not do with your mind or mindset
    • What happens to the brain and body when we experience fear​
    • The fight or flight evolutionary response​
    • An exercise to demonstrate the power of your mind and brain on fear​
    • Fear and regret​
    • Helpful codes and quotes on fear​
    • The Bible and Fear​
    • Common fears a life coach sees​
    • An exclusive: a life coach’s hot tip on fear and growth​

    Key Quotes from this Episode

    Focus on who you want to be and what you want to achieve not on your fears.

    Instead of falling to fear, how can you rise in fear?

    Wake up and realise every day you are dying, so make the most of every moment

    Featured Resources on the episode

    Show Transcript

    [Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:

    Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.

    Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.

    My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”

    My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.

    Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.

    This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.

    Ready to grow? Let’s grow!

    [Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]

    [Episode 28 – Impact of Fear]

    Impact of Fear Introduction

    Top 10 Life Coaches To Watch as Named by New York Weekly

    Hello Beautiful Soul!

    In the most exciting news, I’ve been named one of the top 10 life coaches to watch out for in 2021 by New York Weekly. So so exciting. Thank you for all the love over on my Instagram my heart and soul are overwhelmed and overjoyed with all the celebrations. It means the world to me.

    This week I’ve been reflecting on fear which is what today’s episode is all about.

    Fear supposedly protects you and keeps you alive. 

    Which is does to a degree but really it keeps you from being truly alive.

    It is keeping you stuck, small and scared.

    Fear stops you from living life fully

    Fear keeps you from doing all the things.

    Falling in love.

    Breaking up.

    Starting your own business.

    Quitting your job.

    Pursuing your dream career.

    Being who you really are.

    Speaking up.

    Showing your face.

    Changing your life.

    It’s keeping you from life!

    Fear paralyses you and keeps you stuck

    When fear paralyses you – you aren’t even getting a chance to be successful, to be truly happy because you’re stopping in your tracks before you can even start!

    It’s very much the quote that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.

    It’s ironic that fear makes us do a lot of things but it also keeps us from doing a lot of things.

    Fear is a cycle.

    How to break the cycle of fear

    How do you break it?

    It’s not that you have to push, make or force yourself to not be fearful.

    To feel scared is natural – fearful – it has the energy of mental stories behind it, conditioning, lack.

    My approach and what I talk about with my clients is to feel the edges of the fear.

    How does it feel in your body?

    Does it weigh heavily?

    Is it in your stomach?

    To feel it deeply and allow yourself the natural process of feeling your emotions.

    To meet that edge and rise above the fear.

    The meanings of fear spiritually

    Fear has two meanings.

    Forget everything and run or face everything and rise.

    The choice is yours.

    Use your body to overcome fear not your mind

    And really when you embody it, you realise that it isn’t thinking or your mind that will help you overcome fear.

    It’s feeling deeply into your body and taking inspired action accordingly.

    Do the damn thing that edges you out of your comfort zone.

    Invest in yourself.

    Quit the job.

    Start again.

    Focus on who you want to be and what you want to achieve not on your fears. 

    The body is so vital to the experience of fear because it’s experienced in our mind but physically felt in our body through a strong reaction or response.

    What happens to the brain and body when we experience fear

    The amygdala is a small almond shaped organ in the middle of your brain that is triggered when you experience fear which in turn releases stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline – the fight or flight response.

    Your pupils dilate. 

    Your blood pressure increases, your heart starts racing faster and faster.

    Your body is literally going into evolutionary mode, sharpening its senses which is to brace itself for life – to fight for survival or flee for survival.

    I’ve mentioned this several times across the podcast that whilst humans have evolved quickly and rapidly the brain hasn’t quite caught up.

    The fight or flight evolutionary response

    This fight or flight response happens when you’re not even in physical danger as our ancestors were from hungry animals or raging weather conditions.

    It could be you being nervous about a big presentation or work. 

    Perhaps it’s running into an ex.

    Maybe it’s about what your friends think about you.

    This response is triggered and guess what?

    The brain cannot distinguish between reality and imagination so when you think of a memory when you were fearful it will and can feel so real in the body.

    An exercise to demonstrate the power of your mind and brain on fear

    Try it.

    Recall a time you were really scared in your life like a movie, see the visuals and feel it in your body. You can literally cause the stress response in the body.

    That is why my coaching is rooted in energetics and being in the body because the mind can do all sorts of lies and trickery such as fear.

    As I’ve even posted about on Instagram, your brain is wired for survival not happiness. 

    Fear and regret

    The thing is yes you can run from fear but often life will repeat itself and put you in situations until move through that fear to learn, grow, evolve and expand. 

    Remember this when it comes to fear, it is temporary.

    Regret is a strong and powerful emotion – we live one life. What are you going to do in this lifetime.

    Who are you going to be?

    Wake up and realise every day you are dying, so make the most of every moment.

    Don’t lead with fear because that energy is so vastly different to the power of leading with love and intention. 

    Helpful codes and quotes on fear

    I love quotes, always have and always will. 

    I want to share some codes on fear through quotes to help you evolve and grow to your next level.

    “Faith and fear both demand you believe in something you cannot see. You choose!”

    “Never trust your fears, they don’t know your strength”

    “Courage is the resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear”

    “The fears we don’t face become our limits”

    The Bible and Fear

    It’s interesting too that the Bible, a very ancient text says ‘fear not,’ ‘don’t worry’ and ‘be anxious for nothing’ over 300 times.

    Fear is a part of the human experience and it is one of our greatest teachers when we let it go, when we move through it.

    Instead of falling to fear, how can you rise in fear?

    Common fears a life coach sees

    Many of my clients experience fears that are not unfounded.

    It feels so real in their minds.

    The two most commons ones are fear of showing up and being seen and a fear that they’ll never be in a relationship again.

    Together we move past this by identifying and bringing perspective to these fears and briefly visiting why these fears exist in their mind.

    A life coach's hot tip on fear and growth

    I’ll give you a huge hint as a life coach, if you want to quickly grow – do the things you’re scared of.

    In your work, you’ll encounter the fears, work up to move past them and grow.

    Those who face fear head on and move through it, grow in quantum leaps.

    Episode closing Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang 28: Impact of Fear

    If your ready to rise above your fears and be your best self, please get in touch. I would love to help you grow beyond your current limits and dive into juicy expansion to know who you are when you meet fears (the answer: unwavering and unshakable)!

    Until next Tuesday beautiful soul.

    Love & Positivity, Phi 

    [Episode 28 – Impact of Fear Outro]

    Are you wanting to find out more about 1:1 Coaching or working with me? Maybe perhaps you want to know more about me. I’d love to connect with you. You can visit my website or connect with me on Instagram @thephidang. Speak to you soon.

    Additional reading and resources on fear

    Click here to read more

  • 27: Normalising Boundaries With Family

    Episode Summary of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 27: Normalising Boundaries With Family

    Family and boundaries. Just because they are your family doesn’t mean they are exempt from boundaries. Boundaries exist to help and protect you in addition to strengthening all your relationships especially and including your family.

    What you'll learn from this episode

    • Why boundaries also apply to your family​
    • How your boundaries are formed as a child
    • What are boundaries
    • How boundaries are formed
    • The influence of family on boundaries – your upbringing
    • The 3 crucial things a life coach wants you to know about boundaries
    • How we recreate familial situations as an adult particularly in romantic relationships
    • Practical family scenarios and their influence on boundaries
    • A practical strategy to understand how your family influenced your boundaries​
    • Boundaries and cultural conditioning​
    • A life coach’s insight on boundaries

    Key Quotes from this Episode

    Boundaries are a beautiful tool - they help you to be true to who you are and be in your full expression in life!

    Boundaries apply to everybody not just one particular type of relationship.

    People cannot mind read so you can’t expect people to just know boundaries

    Featured Resources on the episode

    Show Transcript

    [Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:

    Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.

    Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.

    My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”

    My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.

    Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.

    This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.

    Ready to grow? Let’s grow!

    [Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]

    [Episode 27 – Normalising Boundaries With Family]

    Normalising Boundaries With Family Introduction

    Hi beautiful soul!

    Wherever you are right now and whatever you are doing I hope you are doing well and fully present! 

    I’ve actually started listening to more podcasts when I drive, so if you’re driving full focus on the road whilst absorbing this podcast. 

    In fact a few of you have written to let me know you love listening whilst driving too and re-listening at home when you can fully take in everything and write notes. 

    Welcoming a new 1:1 client!

    First of all I wanted to do a huge shout and congratulations to my new 1:1 client S wooohooo beautiful soul I’m so excited to be working with you – my first client from London! In our initial consultation chat S was blown with the breakthroughs and realisations she was having about her anxiety and perspective regarding her career and feeling held back from getting a promotion. She’s now stepped into her power and I can’t wait to see what the next few months working with her will lead to!

    Work with Phi

    If you’ve been tuning in for a while, finding my posts resonating and feel the pull to work with me – please get in touch – I would love to work with you as I have done with my clients to help you overcome your negative self talk and limiting beliefs so you can start living your best life, your next level of growth and evolution! 

    Why boundaries also apply to your family

    Today’s episode is inspired and rooted in my latest Instagram post which I did on Sunday to coincide with Mother’s Day. Part of that post was being really firm with boundaries even for and especially for family members like your mum.

    I want to start the episode with a key insight for you: your family at the end of the day are human just like you. They aren’t on a pedestal, we are all and in one the same. From the same source which you may call God, Universe, Spirit, Source, Infinite Intelligence – whatever resonates best with you. 

    Labels of mum, dad, sibling are what we give to identify the relationship to the person. They are also roles, you are a daughter or son to someone, perhaps even a sibling.

    Just because they are your family it doesn’t mean boundaries don’t apply to them. Boundaries apply to everybody not just one particular type of relationship.

    How your boundaries are formed as a child

    And here comes the journey of navigating and understanding the huge role our families play in the formation and enactment of our boundaries.

    So many things we believe – how we act, what we believe to be true is formed and learnt from birth and as children. 

    We are always consciously and subconsciously absorbing the world around us like sponges that in turn create our programming and conditioning. 

    This can become tricky when you are so accustomed to a certain way and belief that perhaps you may not even realise the situations around you are unhealthy, in fact you think it is ‘normal’ based on your upbringing and conditioning.

    How your upbringing and family influence your boundaries

    Depending on how you were raised – boundaries may or may not be a thing. 

    Simply put, boundaries are what you put in place whether physically, mentally, emotionally, morally, financially and so forth to protect yourself and what behaviour you will allow. 

    As a baseline boundaries are ensuring you are respected. That goes both ways including respecting your own self and being firm and following through with the boundaries you set. 

    Think of them as sliding doors, used when needed. 

    Boundaries are a beautiful tool – they help you to be true to who you are and be in your full expression in life!

    The importance of clearly explained boundaries

    Whilst I’m talking about boundaries, from my experience as a life coach I can’t stress how important it is to clearly communicate and define your boundaries. 

    People cannot mind read so you can’t expect people to just know boundaries – if you tell them clearly there cannot be any confusion.

    How we recreate familial situations as an adult particularly in romantic relationships

    On the topic of family and our boundaries, it is in fact our family relationships which form the foundation and groundwork for a lot of other relationships we go on to have in our lives particularly romantic relationships. We often recreate familial situations in romantic relationships consciously and unconsciously.

    A common example that I identify with is fear of being abandoned. Growing up as an only child, having my parents divorced I had developed a fear of being alone and abandoned. 

    I can recall memories of being left alone in the house and freaking out when my parents just popped out to the shops and of course the heart wrenching memories of my parents splitting up. 

    Being so young I didn’t know how this would impact me and later on I realised I would get very easily and anxiously attached to men I dated. It wasn’t til I did the work I was able to move forward and free myself from this limiting narrative and conditioning. 

    The impact of your family and the boundaries you have

    So back to familial relationships and boundaries here are some ways in which this can unfold in your life.

    Chaotic upbringing

    Perhaps if you grew up in a chaotic upbringing, you desire more security and control and so you exert firm boundaries as a means of power and distilled down for your safety. 

    A healthy boundary for this would be discussing any suspicions of a partner cheating instead of harbouring resentment, making assumptions or making a rule to be able to always check and read each other’s messages.

    No boundaries

    Perhaps you grew up in a household where there were no boundaries, what we know to be as enmeshed families to differing degrees – you spoke to your parents about everything and in turn they knew everything about your business and you knew everything about theirs. 

    A healthy boundary for this would be giving your parents a general update on your dating life but at the end of the day you will date who you desire.

    Spending time with your family

    Perhaps you grew up expected to spend all your time with your family and now you feel very guilty for having your own life and spending time apart from your family. 

    Or maybe it was that if someone felt sad in your family, everyone was expected to feel sad too. 

    Maybe your family played a very active role in your academic or social life – pushing things to be a certain way. All of these things play a role in the formation of your boundaries. 

    A practical strategy to understand how your family influenced your boundaries

    For a moment put yourself in a time machine to when you were younger and you said “I don’t want to” or “I don’t like…” or “why do I have to do this…?” 

    Really as a child we are made to do a lot of things we may not necessarily want to as we are learning and growing – being made to speak to or see certain people, eat particular foods, extra curricular activities before, at and after school.

    How did your family react? That can help inform a lot about the conditioning you have when it comes to boundaries. 

    Know that boundaries develop over time, for example the significant shift occurs as you go from a child to an adult particularly on your independence. Maybe your family dynamics change, divorce happens or new partners in the family happen.

    Boundaries aren't evil or made to hurt anyone

    Boundaries aren’t an evil tool in place to hurt other people or let them down.

    Boundaries are the opposite, they protect you and strengthen your relationships. When you can feel safe and at ease with yourself and the world around you, that benefits everyone.

    Boundaries and cultural conditioning

    Boundaries particularly feel difficult on particular occasions such as Mother’s Day which has just happened or holiday season such as Christmas. Cultural conditioning comes into play – it’s that feeling of ‘you have to spend time with your family’, ‘you should be nice to your family’ and so forth. 

    So how do you overcome this? By getting curious. By stepping back and being the awareness of observer of the stories. Oh this makes sense because “society as a whole expects you to spend time with your family.” 

    Just because it’s a holiday it doesn’t mean you have to talk to a toxic family member again or even spend time with them if it makes you feel upset and uncomfortable. 

    Go deeper and bring it back to the self – do the inner work. Notice your triggers. See the patterns. If you have difficulty this is where someone like myself, a life coach, can help you, or another profession such as a psychologist. 

    Note: Listening to the episode on bringing awareness to your inner child can help and be a good start!

    Your boundaries are yours

    At the end of the day your boundaries exist for you and are created solely by you. 

    Give yourself permission to have boundaries because they are important for your safety and wellbeing. 

    You know yourself best and it’s healthy to do what’s best for you. 

    It’s healthy because in order for you to be your best for those you love, you need to be at your best. 

    Episode closing Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang 27: Normalising Boundaries With Family

    Understand that it is often difficult and uncomfortable to set boundaries again depending on your programming and conditioning. So be patient, gentle, kind and compassionate with yourself. Know that the rewards of having healthy boundaries are worth the uncomfortable journey of enacting boundaries with our loved ones. At the end of the day if your family love you they would want to respect you in the same way that you would want to as well.

    Until next Tuesday beautiful souls for another episode of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, love and positivity. 

    [Episode 27 – Normalising Boundaries With Family Outro]

    Are you wanting to find out more about 1:1 Coaching or working with me? Maybe perhaps you want to know more about me. I’d love to connect with you. You can visit my website or connect with me on Instagram @thephidang. Speak to you soon.

    Click here to read more

  • 26 – Toxic Positivity

    Episode Summary of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 26: Toxic Positivity

    Toxic Positivity masquerades itself as positivity when it is the complete opposite. Learn about what toxic positivity is and how you may be doing it without even knowing! I’ll give you tips on how to avoid being the source of toxic positivity, how toxic positivity can make someone feel and what if you are the negative person.

    What you'll learn from this episode

    • What is toxic positivity
    • The human experience
    • Your brain and toxic positivity
    • Toxic Positivity quotes
    • The signs of toxic positivity
    • What happens as a result of toxic positivity?
    • How to avoid being a source of toxic positivity?
    • What if you are the negative person?

    Key Quotes from this Episode

    To be human means to feel on the full spectrum all emotions deeply.

    We aren’t robots programmed to only feel a certain way and only have certain types of thoughts.

    We have all and will continue to experience negativity in our lives. It doesn’t make you a negative person it makes you a human experiencing negativity.

    Featured Resources on the episode

    Show Transcript

    [Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:

    Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.

    Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.

    My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”

    My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.

    Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.

    This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.

    Ready to grow? Let’s grow!

    [Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]

    [Episode 26 – Toxic Positivity]

    Toxic Positivity Introduction

    Hello beautiful soul! 

    I am feeling absolute joy and elation after the Manifestation Magic Masterclass, within a few hours those who attended are already receiving signs from the universe – so so exciting. I even got a beautiful message from Carol who said:

    “I can’t stop thinking about the manifestation magic masterclass today, Phi, it was so good! I can’t explain it. It was like walking into a class that I didn’t want to finish! Thank you for so much love for your insight and for being you, all you. Like omg! I mean the energy just no words!”

    Ahhh my heart and soul!

    I’ll be uploading a replay of the class available for purchase this week – so if you’re interested please DM me and I can get that to you even faster.

    So May is Mental Health Month in many countries which confused me because apparently Australia is October but anyway in honour of that and the fact that mental health day should be every day I want to speak about toxic positivity.

    What is toxic positivity?

    Toxic positivity masquerades itself as being positive when really it’s the completely opposite.

    It’s the belief and attitude that no matter what is happening you should always be happy and have positive thoughts.

    Hello! We are humans, we are souls having a human experience.

    To be human means to feel on the full spectrum all emotions deeply.

    We aren’t robots programmed to only feel a certain way and only have certain types of thoughts. 

    This overly optimistic state denies, minimises and invalidates the human experience.

    The subconscious mind and toxic positivity

    In our subconscious minds based on largely social conditioning and our programming that life is black and white.

    Positive = good. Negative = bad.

    This is largely too simple and negates the shades of grey between.

    Toxic positivity quotes

    I love these quotes which encapsulates everything nicely when it comes to toxic positivity.

    “I’d rather be whole than good.”

    “Positive thinking is a coping mechanism, an automatic coping mechanism. It is void of life. Feeling and experiencing the realness of what is actually happening are the essences of being alive. Feeling, connecting, reacting to the flow-- this is all living. Positive thinking happens in the head, meanwhile, it denies the heart its authentic, genuine feelings. Not only does it have the potential to rob you of real and deeper connection which is ultimately necessary to living a passionate and compassionate life; but it even has the potential to cut you off from reality itself. A mask that you put on your face, other people's faces, and throw over everything around you. We do not become positive by refusing to be real. We become positive people by really living, really feeling, and really rising above anything that would threaten to sink us. You can't even see what threatens to sink you if you refuse to acknowledge that it's even there. Why did Titanic sink? Someone refused to see the icebergs.”

    I've been a source of toxic positivity and you probably have too...

    It’s ok not to be ok. You are not alone and someone out there is wanting and ready to help you.

    I’m known as the positivity queen too and I am certainly not happy all the time. Positivity is my attitude – it’s knowing that no matter what happens I can find the silver lining, I can learn and I can grow which is my lens of positivity. 

    I’ve definitely been guilty of saying things like “it could be worse” or “try be positive” and you may have to.

    Bring awareness to toxic positivity

    I wasn’t aware it could make someone feel worse.

    The beauty of awareness is that you have the power to change.

    You have the power of consciousness!

    What are the signs of toxic positivity?

    • Using blanket positive statements like “good vibes only here” or “be happy”
    • Not listening and validating someone’s experience and jumping to your experience “you’ll get over it”
    • Shaming someone for not feeling happy or positive
    • Avoiding your own emotions that you label negative – for you to see negativity in someone else you must recognise it in yourself otherwise how would you know?
    • Hiding how you truly feel about something

    What happens as a result of toxic positivity?

    People feel ashamed of their emotions and feel invalidated.

    When you are overly positivity and pushing positivity on someone else it can seem insincere to the other person.

    They don’t want to be and show their true selves so they become inauthentic, hiding or creating a persona to the world.

    This can lead to surprising emotions which leads to increased stress in the body which can sometimes even be stored energetically in the body.

    Additionally when we aren’t able to feel our feelings it prevents us from growing. It can keep us stuck in hurt, pain and anxiety. 

    Challenging feelings can ultimately lead to greater growth because we learn from them.

    How to avoid being a source of toxic positivity?

    Be aware and conscious with your language.

    For example instead of saying “you’ll get over it” you can say something along the lines of “It sounds like you’re going through a tough time. I believe in you”. 

    Can you feel the difference in the energy there?

    Substitute “don’t be so negative” to “it’s okay to not be okay sometimes.”

    “Think happy thoughts” becomes “I love you and I am here for you.”

    “It could be worse” to “Life has its ups and downs. How can I best support you?”

    “You shouldn’t feel bad or negative” to “We experience a full spectrum of emotions in life and that’s okay.”

    The influence of social media on toxic positivity

    I would also add to this to remember about celebrities, pop culture and social media that is isn’t 110% real. Most of what we see online is someone’s highlights reel which is carefully curated. It’s not reality and ironically reality TV isn’t real either.

    I’m sure you can relate, I’ve definitely been hurting after a break up and posting photos and stories looking all happy when deep down I was sad.

    Perhaps you’re going through a hard time and post throwback photos or stalk an ex or someone you used to date when really you are nostalgic for past happier times.

    What if I’m the negative person?

    We have all and will continue to experience negativity in our lives. It doesn’t make you a negative person it makes you a human experiencing negativity.

    If the negativity is overwhelming reach out to your doctor, a mental health expert or even a life coach such as myself. I work with many clients to get them unstuck and out of their negative self talk.

    My tips are:

    Allow yourself to be negative because you are human. Bring awareness to your emotions. What is the negativity label about an experience, circumstance or person in your life revealing to you?

    It’s okay to feel a mix of emotions again we aren’t robots set to one default emotion. You can be happy and sad at the same time.

    Episode closing Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang 26: Toxic Positivity

    The goal isn’t to be happy and positive all the time. It’s to be strong and in your power knowing that no matter what happens in life you will be ok and you can handle it!

    Let’s keep the conversation going on mental health to break the stigma and raise more awareness of how important mental health is.

    Until next Tuesday, love and positivity. 

    [Episode 26 – Toxic Positivity Outro]

    Are you wanting to find out more about 1:1 Coaching or working with me? Maybe perhaps you want to know more about me. I’d love to connect with you. You can visit my website or connect with me on Instagram @thephidang. Speak to you soon.

    Click here to read more

  • 25: Vulnerability Hangover

    Episode Summary of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 25: Vulnerability Hangover

    Vulnerability. It’s something we are all afraid of. To be fully seen for who we are. So what happens when we muster up all the courage and be vulnerable? In the aftermath and of an exhilarating high comes a vulnerability hangover. Learn more about what a vulnerability hangover is and ways to cope with a vulnerability hangover.

    What you'll learn from this episode

    • What is a vulnerability hangover?
    • Why you feel so anxious about being vulnerable
    • Ways to cope with a vulnerability hangover

    Key Quotes from this Episode

    It’s not to say your vulnerability and bravery aren’t seen or important. It’s just that it’s part of the fabric of life.

    Growth isn't easy but damn it looks good on you!

    You are strong, you can handle a bunch of sensations.

    Featured Resources on the episode

    Show Transcript

    [Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:

    Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.

    Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.

    My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”

    My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.

    Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.

    This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.

    Ready to grow? Let’s grow!

    [Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]

    [Episode 25 – Vulnerability Hangover]

    Vulnerability Hangover Introduction

    Hello beautiful soul! Oh my goodness that full moon in Scorpio was intense wasn’t it? I definitely felt it in my soul and bones as a Scorpio and oh boy that moon delivered.

    This full moon for me was all about being vulnerable and I want to share some beautiful lessons with you.

    Vulnerability of creation

    First of all I am feeling vulnerable but super excited about my first live masterclass ever Manifestation Magic happening this Sunday the 2nd of May! We already have 11 beautiful souls inside, if it’s calling you – it’s not too late to join. The link to join is on my website and Instagram bio.

    Vulnerability of being seen

    Secondly, the moon was all about illuminating light to the shadows and something damn scary happened to me. One of my biggest fears came true. I have a corporate job too and I was so nervous and worried about my boss and team finding out. My head built a story of they are going to think you are weird, it’s very personal information I share in my world etc.

    In fact, I didn’t share it out of my own accord – external events happened beyond my control that led to this.

    When I found out I felt absolutely sick to my stomach in fact I couldn’t sleep. When it was out in the open I realised how it was all a giant mind story. My boss and team were super supportive and loving. I am so happy and appreciative and it taught me a lot about how we create our own suffering by worrying about things and creating stories that are not true.

    Everything happens for a reason - trust and divine timing

    Even though I didn’t choose to let it out, I allowed and trusted in the universe and divine timing. I never question, I genuinely always know that everything happens for a reason and the time it is supposed to. Nothing I do can change the force of the universe.

    Take back your power from fear and anxiety by stepping back.

    Watching the stories unfold and know that the stories aren’t necessarily true – they are a by product and creation of an over active mind.

    Who coined the term vulnerability hangover?

    Now I’m on the other side of this emotional journey feeling what we call a vulnerability hangover. I’m pretty sure the queen and expert of shame and vulnerability Researcher Brené Brown coined the term in her TED talk.

    What is a vulnerability hangover?

    A vulnerability hangover occurs when you are opening yourself up to fully being seen. You are all parts courages, brave and strong. 

    The hangover and flip side of all that is feeling scared and worried about being judged and fully seen for who you truly are.

    This sensation is normal – it can feel unpleasant after the exhilarating high of putting yourself out there after working yourself up to.

    Why do you get a vulnerability hangover?

    So why do we fear being vulnerable and get these vulnerability hangovers?

    This goes back to our ancestors. We are built to survive in tribes. 

    We thrive being connecting and belonging to a group – working together, collaborating. This need to belong is actually primal and raw in nature. 

    Think about your ancestors, if you did not have a tribe, life would be very hard. You would have to fend for yourself, protect yourself, hunt yourself etc.

    When we put ourselves out there we may feel different, weak and exposed or ashamed of who we really are which in your mind threatens your safety (safety being belonging in a group). 

    Fascinating right?

    What to do when you have a vulnerability hangover

    So if you’re nursing a vulnerability hangover what is the best thing to do?

    Feel your feelings

    Feel your feelings.

    Slow down and tune in to how you are feeling in your body.

    For me, I feel tight in the chest and jaw. I feel like cowering my shoulders inwards as a protection and defence mechanism. I feel my heart race. This is all okay!

    When you allow yourself to feel your feelings the move through you. I like to think of emotions moving through me as if I am transparent. If I don’t allow them to, the emotions are unable to move and become solidified and stuck in my energy which can be heavy.

    So be light and transparent. Let your feelings move through you. 

    Get perspective, zoom out of your life

    Another tip for you is to get perspective. Zoom out of your life.

    Reverse Narcissism

    So often we can become a reverse narcissist. So what do I mean by that?

    Well we think the whole world revolves around us and people are always thinking about us, watching us, judging us which they aren’t… I mean think about your life and being – you are probably too busy thinking about yourself, watching yourself, judging yourself. You don’t have time to do it for others!

    How to zoom out of your life

    Zoom out and see this in the light of a bigger picture. 

    It feels like this big massive event like the big bang or something when really, so many events and moments happen every single day in life. 

    It’s not to say your vulnerability and bravery aren’t seen or important. It’s just that it’s part of the fabric of life. 

    When you can zoom out you see that this big event in your life could be a little event in the universe and your network.

    A vulnerability hangover means growth

    When you zoom out you see that vulnerability is helping you grow. 

    To expand your world. 

    You become bigger and braver in the world (yay!). 

    So whilst it feels all dramatic like a soap opera, it’s all okay. It’s part of the many twists and turns in life! 

    You don’t grow when you’re comfortable. You grow when you are uncomfortable.

    Extremely uncomfortable.

    Be kind and compassionate with yourself, growth isn’t easy but damn it looks good on you!

    Purpose and vulnerability hangovers

    When I get a bad case of the vulnerability hangover I think about my purpose.

    Why I share parts of myself and bring them to light?

    For me, it’s to help others. To be vulnerable means to be human. We relate with humans not plastic robots. It’s through vulnerability and sharing we connect.

    The whole reason I started my Instagram and life coaching business was to help others. Even if it was just one person. I always think about that one person who reads my Instagram post, watches an Instagram story or listens to a podcast episode. If what I share helps them and makes them realise they aren’t alone then my job is done!

    The root of a vulnerability hangover

    Perhaps you created something and put it out there in the world to help others or uplift others – that is beautiful.

    Perhaps you shared something you’ve never told anyone and it made you feel better, lighter and freer  – that is beautiful.

    Perhaps you dared to go against the status quo and to speak your truth. That makes you a game changer – that is beautiful.

    Your vulnerability, magnetism, energy and power are all so beautiful.

    The purpose of a vulnerability hangover

    The following quote by Marianne Williamson is on of my favourites that I would love to share with you in light of this:

    “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

    God can be swapped out with Spirit, Universe, Source, One Truth – whatever speaks to your heart and soul.

    Vulnerability Hangover - You are stronger than you think

    On a final note on getting over a vulnerability hangover – don’t forget how strong you are! 

    That you’ve been through much harder and at the end of the day the vulnerability hangover is a bunch of sensations and feelings. 

    You are strong, you can handle a bunch of sensations.

    Episode closing Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang 25: Vulnerability Hangover

    With this all in mind, being vulnerable, open and fully seen I can breathe a sigh of relief. 

    No more hiding, no more anxiety. 

    I’m here on the world stage as me. 

    If I fully embrace and love me, the outside world can’t get to me. Sure I still get the vulnerability hangover but no one can make me feel worse off except me. 

    I stand in my power. 

    Here is to you and your power beautiful soul.

    Until next Tuesday with another episode, love and positivity.

    [Episode 25 – Vulnerability Hangover Outro]

    Are you wanting to find out more about 1:1 Coaching or working with me? Maybe perhaps you want to know more about me. I’d love to connect with you. You can visit my website or connect with me on Instagram @thephidang. Speak to you soon.

    Click here to read more