Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang

  • Episode 29: Shule Ozek (@closetedsoul)

    Episode Summary of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 29: Shule Ozek Closeted Soul

    A conversation with my new friend Shule Ozek from the Closeted Soul podcast. We talk all things spiritual and the esoteric world from tarot cards to mental health to self love and self acceptance. Shule’s story is truly inspiring – a must listen. She’s gone from being an atheist with a negative mindset to a deep soul living in the spiritual world.

    What you'll learn from this episode

    • Shule’s journey and spiritual transformation
    • Self Love
    • Self Acceptance
    • Self Discovery
    • Tools to use for spirituality: Law of Attraction, Manifestation, Tarot Cards
    • Religion
    • Negativity
    • Mental Health
    • Taking Action
    • Resources

    Key Quotes from this Episode

    We all have these desires there for a reason

    There's a reason you don't like things and there's a reason that you do like things, you can use that as a navigation system.

    We don't go to the school of self-love. I mean, maybe later on in life, I'm like hanging for that. I want to create that for my kids.

    Featured Resources on the episode

    Show Transcript

    [Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:

    Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.

    Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.

    My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”

    My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.

    Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.

    This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.

    Ready to grow? Let’s grow!

    [Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]

    [Episode 29 – Shule Ozek]

    Podcast interview with Shule Ozek Closeted Soul Intro

    Hi, beautiful souls.

    You are in for a treat. 

    On today’s podcast I have Shule Ozek from the Closeted Soul Podcast. She is a former atheist who has undergone an incredible spiritual transformation. 

    Her mission is  to inspire you to practice self love, self understanding and self acceptance through the world of the esoteric. Today we chat all things spirituality, spirit guides, tarot cards, mental health, mindset and so much more juicy goodness. Enjoy!

    [Please note the transcript below is as accurate as possible]

    Getting to know Shule Ozek

    Phi: Hi Shule, welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang (that’s me haha). 

    I’m so glad to have you here after our conversation. It was like the other week right? Time is just like flying?

    Shule: Oh my God. It’s flying. It honestly feels like so long ago, but it really, really wasn’t. Thank you so much, I’m so excited to be here. Thank you.

    Phi: Shule, please tell us a bit more about yourself and your story. I’m sure the listeners would love to know more about you. The last time we spoke actually, the conversation flowed so much, it was so much to talk about. I think you couldn’t shut us up. 

    So I feel like we’re in for a really juicy conversation today. 

    Shule: We really do. I that’s what I was thinking. I was like, I just felt like our conversation was five minutes and before I knew it hour and I’m like, wait, what?

    I had like set, prepare. I said some questions as well. And I’m like, okay, I’m going to, you know, say this one and say this one. 

    Phi: And then it just went out the window

    Shule: Out the window because we just flowed, it was nice. I love conversations like that. 

    Phi: Yeah. So tell us you have a podcast, right? 

    Shule: The closeted soul podcast.

    Phi: I’d love to know about that and your journey, because I saw that you used to be an atheist, which I’m find so hard to believe because we were talking all spiritual woo last time. So tell us about yourself, your journey, the podcast. 

    Shule's story

    Shule: All right. I didn’t even know where to start, I guess, like, I guess okay. To paint a picture of who I was, because I really can’t recognize that person, like last year, honestly, I would say, yeah, start of 2020.

    I don’t know who I was. It was just my whole life. I’ve always led my life based on other people’s decisions. I never ever made my own decision ever. I had no sense of like intuition. I was a hardcore atheist. I really, really rejected religion. Spirituality. Didn’t let that in. And. My whole life was kind of like built up to this point where, you know, I was getting the degree and I was moving out with my partner and like all the things that were supposed to happen were happening yet.

    I was just like riddled with anxiety riddled with self doubt. I hated my life. I was a negative person. And I know that you said, I guess you’re like, okay woman. Sorry. I was so negative. Like I didn’t let myself, uh, look at the positive, any situation I could be on a beautiful holiday and I’d pick out the negative situation in, in, on that holiday.

    It was such a crappy quality to have, like, I’m surprised at the people in my life have stayed in my life. It really shocks me because I look back now and I’m like, I don’t know how you guys would even tolerate that because it’s just, it was such like lack mentality.

    Phi: Right

    Shule: So that was May, and like in the year of 2019 was probably like the biggest year for me in terms of like my biological dad ended up passing away and just all of these other things happened in that year.

    And it was a lot and it really triggered this anxiety that was always in me. But then I started to like kind of wake up with it and it was just constant. And then I would get panic attacks. And then once, like time went on, I realized that I was getting worse and I wasn’t getting better. And I couldn’t, I couldn’t fix, like, I couldn’t fix it.

    Phi: Mmmm

    Shule: Right. I remember I’m a very vocal person. Like, I’ll be very honest about anything that I’m going through. So I remember going to my partner and being like, you know, I’m really unhappy. Like I need help because I was at that point where I’m like, I need help. Like, uh, but he, he, you know, no one can do anything for you when it’s your mindset, that’s trapping you.

    Right. So through that, through COVID actually hitting, I. I was forced to spend all this time with myself. I couldn’t distract myself with society and I couldn’t distract myself with other people anymore or just life in general because it was all taken away. I couldn’t go to work. I was just at home with myself with my thoughts.

    And there’s only so much like you should’ve been tick-tock and moving before you run out. Right. So I really got to sit with myself and it was the first time in, I think my whole life that I’ve actually sat with myself and thought like, look at what you’ve become. You’re riddled with anxiety. You’re like, I have like a panic attack nearly every day.

    I’m so unhappy about my existence here. Like I was actually contemplating not wanting to be here, which is not a place that I ever thought that I would be in. And. I just, I, I can’t believe it like from being that person. And then I, I knew that I had to make a change. I’m like, well, it’s either going to get worse from here, or I’m gonna have to like start doing something.

    So I became interested in meditation. So I started exploring meditation and it was through practice. Like this didn’t happen straight away, but through practice and constantly showing up. Cause I had nothing else. Like I just, I had to do something. So through practice, I started to be consistent with meditating, taking it seriously, being mindful about it.

    And then I started to receive the benefits over time and I was like, wow. Like I forgot the last time that I go to feel peace and just that calmness. Right. I just, my body, I just, that, that feeling was so unfamiliar that I craved it. So, you know, I woke up and I was meditating, lunchtime I’m meditating, but literally often doing my part would be like, what are you doing?

    I’m like, I’m meditating. Maybe like, seriously, I like craved being in that feeling. But then through getting into that feeling, it was really awful mindset. And I was practicing gratitude and slowly, slowly, slowly, things were starting to kind of turn around for me. But then I tapped into a completely different realm that I didn’t even know existed.

    Like you could imagine going from an atheist, thinking that this is all, all it is to then like meditating and getting in tune with like, just. Another realm, honestly, and just activating something in may that now I cannot close the door to so fast forward to spirituality, just changing my life completely.

    And then, you know, the self-development grew from there. Cause that’s all spirituality is to me, it’s just self development working on yourself, cultivating that self-love and I get to do it in like a magical, like with a magical lens on life. Like I, I look at life now as like just magic. I’m always like miracles are happening every day and it’s just beautiful to live from this perspective than what I was, what I was living before.

    So I started the Closeted Soul podcast and it took me a long time to get it. Like to actually trust myself enough to launch the podcast. And I’m so happy I did because just the amount of growth, like I’ve stayed with everyone around me since launching the podcast. Cause you reciprocate what you become to other people around you.

    So it’s been beautiful, like just watching everyone else evolve and then yourself evolving as well. And just the podcast is all about spirituality. It’s just diving into the esoteric world. And I really just created something that I was craving when I was exploring the spiritual world. I needed people to talk about this stuff because it wasn’t so openly discussed.

    It was always like it’s too. Woo. Woo. And you, you know, you’re crazy if you think that or if you go down that rabbit hole and I’m just like, well, I, you like. You know, I I’m experiencing the things that I need someone to validate me and tell me yes, I’ve experienced it too. So I created that platform that for that reason.

    The story behind the name of Shule's podcast Closeted Soul

    Phi: Amazing. Yeah. It’s so funny. Cause like, when you share your story, I feel like we have so many things in common. It’s like, of course we were going to meet. Of course we’re going to come together. And I just, like, I find the name of your podcast, really interesting Closeted Soul and also the esoteric world.

    Can you like explain that to us and the name of the podcast and how that came to you?

    Shule: Yeah. Yeah. Well basically I was toying up. So prior to me going down this path that wasn’t aligned to me, that was based on everybody else’s decision. I always wanted to do YouTube. So since I was 15, it was actually when YouTube first started and I saw this video and I was like, oh my God, I was drawn to it.

    And I just knew that that’s what I wanted to do. And that’s what I should be doing. But quickly I convinced myself, no, no, like that’s not, that’s not the career path. People go down. And how are you going to make money doing that? You know, Fast forward a couple of years later and everyone’s doing it.

    Phi: Wow you were onto something!

    Shule: And I was like, oh my God, I’m so annoyed at myself. Why did I do that? Like, and then it became that be right. So as time went on, I was like, you’re too late. Now the market’s saturated. You’re never going to be something, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like it’s not to base something, but it was just to like, it was this lifestyle, like this lifestyle of creation and doing something you’re genuinely passionate about and being creative and just not living that nine to five, like that linear, that just isn’t for me, it is for some people, but for me, it’s, it’s wasn’t for me.

    And I couldn’t like grasp that. It was like, I, I used to always ponder about that. I used to be like, is this seriously going to be my life? Like, I’m going to go to work nine to five and just do this day in, day out. Like what? Um, so yeah, I allowed myself to stay in that. I allowed myself to stay in that and I tried to follow that linear.

    I was like, you’re going to find happiness. You’re going to find happiness. It’s going to be fine. And obviously I wasn’t following my desires because my desire is from when I was 15, was to start that YouTube channel. That was my, you know, when people were like, what do you want to do with your life? I’m like, I  want to do that. So, um, I, yeah, I just, that happens. I always had that design then when I had my awakening and I was being reintroduced to my soul again, and I was really uncovering all of these parts of myself that I really looked and I didn’t allow in those desires that I suppressed because I told myself I wasn’t good enough.

    So I allowed that to come out again. And when that really really came out, oh my God, it was just. A whole new ball game, because I saw like those desires for creation and being online and being an entrepreneur and like just living this lifestyle that I’ve always wanted to create, that started to come out.

    And I was like, that’s how you’re going to find your happiness when you start following your desires, when you start following your bliss. So I went back and forth for a good year, not a year, six months with the, with the podcast. So I had the idea for six months and it was actually during the new moon.

    Phi: Of course!

    Shule: Cause I was like trying to manifest and I was just sitting there and meditating and I, um, have quite a close relationship now with my like spirit team. So they like communicate with me. It was, they’re very like involved in my spiritual evolution. So it’s been nice to kind of have them there, but I yeah.

    Kind of tapped into them and they just gave me the name.

    Phi: Wow! That’s crazy. 

    Shule: Yeah. And then I was like, what? Okay. So I was sitting on that for so long and I just had it there and I was like, okay, okay. Day. Um, it actually, yeah, I ended up investing in a coach, which we discussed on my process.

    I invested in a coach, her name’s Erin Henry. I don’t know if anyone’s ever heard of her, but she was actually a client of mine.

    Phi: So crazy how it all like comes together.

    Shule: Right. That is so yeah, no, she really helped me step into my power. She was just kinda like, you know, you want to do this so much, like what’s stopping you?

    Shule and Phi discuss fear

    Shule: And I think it’s that fear that really keeps people like here. Um, but then when you start like stepping into the fear and you start doing the thing that was like paralyzing you. It just becomes addictive. You’re like, oh my God, I want to do the next thing. And the next thing, and the next thing do your experience though.

    Phi: I was just thinking literally this is so crazy because LA this week I did like a post on fear about how it stops you. Like, it kind of does stop you from doing things, but it also makes you do things like you didn’t really want to, but you like actually stop yourself from living life when you are fear.

    Like I say, it keeps you stuck small and scared. Like that’s what fear does, right?

    Shule: Absolutely. It does. And I was actually, this reminds me of a conversation I was having with a good friend of mine, but she’s quite like in this like, confused place right now. And she knows what she should be doing, but she’s not doing it because she’s scared.

    She’s fearful of what’s going to happen if she takes that step. And I remember just thinking to myself, it’s so funny how the mind is just so comfortable in discomfort or like this confused energy, because it’s just like, I’d rather be confused because I know I don’t have to take action from this. 

    Phi: That hits deep girl!

    Shule: It’s true. It’s true. It really got me thinking. Yeah. I was like, wow, it’s so funny how we stay here. And we just don’t do the thing because when you do the thing, you, it’s just, you feel like I honestly, I feel like I have superpowers when I’m doing it. And I’m like, whoa. Like I couldn’t even believe that I had the capability of doing that.

    Even just doing this podcast with you now. Like I just. Oh, my God. Like if this was may last year, I’d be like paralyzed with fear. I’d be like, oh my God,

    Phi: Hahaha I don’t believe you (because Shule has come so far and is so different now!)

    But growth isn’t logical. Right? Like I always tell my clients I’m like, growth is not logical. That’s why people quantum leap, you’ve definitely quantum leaped. Like it doesn’t make sense to the mind because it’s not rooted in the mind.  

    Shule and Phi discuss anxiety, self discovery and avoidance

    Phi: I love that you were kind of speaking about meditation and breathing, being the gateway.

    You know, we discuss like going back into the body, but I know you’re really passionate about self-discovery because I know you did a podcast episode, all about tarot cards.

    And now I find out that your spirit team helped you with your name. So you clearly can get in touch with the spirit. And I’d love for you to kind of maybe for anyone listening about their self-discovery journey and your playing with tarot cards and any other techniques or tips that you can share with the listeners today.

    Shule: Yeah, I can. Absolutely. I guess the first, like main thing that self-discovery was with me was actually prioritizing myself, giving myself that time back because that’s what I didn’t do whenever I would have a free moment. I would put like a podcast on a YouTube and I would just drown myself in somebody else’s life and things that weren’t, uh, yeah, just things that weren’t myself, because I couldn’t be in my own anxiety and I couldn’t be in my own mind because it was so toxic.

    And I think that’s what anxiety is like. I think you anxiety comes about because you believe the thoughts that are being perpetuated by your mind. But when you really take the time to actually sit with yourself and observe the mind, and it sounds so cliche, but seriously, when you actually sit there and you let whatever needs to come up, come up, you get to see that the mind is actually quite irrational.

    Mm. It doesn’t make sense. 

    Phi: Yes the brain is a liar

    Shule: It is a liar. It’s not you, you did an episode called the brain of it. Yeah, because it’s true. The brain is a liar. It’s not, it’s not telling you the truth. And when you really get to like step back and disassociate from that part of you, you get to say, oh, that’s a bit irrational.

    And it helps you in so many ways because you don’t get consumed by it. And then you don’t make decisions from that place as well. Because a lot of the time we’re making these anxiety induced decisions or like fear based decisions based on that anxiety and the mind. Right. We’re not actually choosing from a place that is like our heart.

    Our our soul or desires. So, so that was really important for me to actually spend the time. And I think it’s important for everyone to develop some sort of a practice because it’s life changing. I remember I was talking to my best friend about this recently as well, but she was saying, I don’t believe, you know how people say, oh, meditation isn’t for me, just doesn’t work for me.

    Shule on meditation and avoidance

    Phi: Yes

    Shule: I don’t believe she was saying she doesn’t believe that, but same. I just believe that it is for everyone. You just have to develop a way to do it with yourself. If you’re struggling to meditate it’s because there’s something you were avoiding.

    Phi: Yeah, cause that kind of links back to what you said. I find, I see that with a lot of clients as well. They don’t want to listen to their own voice. They’d rather fill it in with anything else. It could be technology eating, drinking, like as long as they can avoid that mind space. So it was really interesting that you brought it up because can you kind of recall a time when you were like there and you’re like, I don’t want to feel this feeling and you’re like just trying to resist?

    And don’t you find that the more you resist it persists? 

    Shule: Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. I can think of a million situations where I’ve done that. Like I’m not sitting here like, oh my God. I’m like transcended and I’m fine. And I’ve overcome the ego. Oh my God. No, I am still like working with that side of myself all the time.

    So it’s just about. Kind of just jumping into it again, like just being like, no, I’m going to face it. Like, I think when you’re meditating, when you’re sitting there, the body’s like trying to do everything exactly what you said to like get out of it. Cause it’s like, I should be doing this. This is time wasting, but really just saying no to the body, like start, don’t get up, don’t do this.

    Like, just take this time for yourself. It’s just about actually doing the thing and the practice of the thing. And then you start to see the benefits of the thing and that’s what keeps you consistent. And that’s what makes you realize, wow, I actually really needed this. So I, my, my best advice is honestly just to do it and just to be consistent regardless of how hard it is.

    So if it’s hard, I think there’s work to be done there. And I think you should do like that all the more reason to do that with yourself. 

    Phi: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think that’s really interesting in your journey as well, because, um, so this kind of brings me back because last night I was talking to my friends and a lot of my friends are skeptics of tarot cards and I was a bit like, Ooh, and then they were a bit worried, like, oh, did I offend her?

    Shule's spiritual journey

    Phi: And so I want to know your perspective because you went from atheist to very spiritual and you’re very open about it. And how has that journey been personally for you? You know, when people don’t believe you’re like, oh, tarot cards don’t exist. I don’t believe in spirit guides. How do you deal with that? 

    Shule: I guess, uh, sorry.

    I’m just like, you asked that question before and I just jumped onto something completely different. 

    Phi: No, no, no. This is the flow let’s get in. Let’s keep going. 

    Shule: Um, so I guess with, with that, I. I struggled the most with my partner, I think. And I think this is the problem for lots of people, because my partner is quite a realist and our dynamic was really, really hard for us because we would bond over being atheists and realist together.

    Phi: Oh, wow. 

    Shule: Like a big black pot of our relationship. The fact that we didn’t like conform to religion and stuff. So it was weird like, cause we connected on that so much. And then for me to completely 360 and be like, oh my God, they’re their spirit guides the universe like, oh my God, I’m at the higher power.

    Phi: Did he think you were pranking him? He’s like, what is this? What happened to her? 

    Shule: I’m lucky. Like it was hard. It was really, really hard, but he’s, he’s shown so much, uh, He’s shown like interest in it. Like, not that he can relate on the conversations that we have or anything like that, but more like in like the create, like the career path, I’m trying to go down what I’m trying to create.


    Shule on her spirituality and the impact on her relationship

    Shule: He buys me like tarot decks. He actually bought me my first tarot deck. 

    Phi: Oh, wow.

    Shule: He shows his support doing that sort of stuff. So he that’s, that’s kind of his way to be like, I’m supporting you in this, even though it’s really weird. But then I had to learn some ground rules as well and be like, okay, I understand you’re learning everything.

    That’s like completely blowing your mind, but some people aren’t ready to hear that. And that’s fine. It’s just not their path either. It’s going to be their path on this lifetime or it’s not, and it’s not my job to convince them. 

    Phi: Mmmm

    Shule on religion

    Shule: I realized like the reason why I was an atheist and I was so like, I didn’t want anything to do with religion was because I felt like it was forced.

    I felt like I was told what to believe, how to be, how to act, if I wasn’t that way I would be punished. And I really had an interesting upbringing with religion because my parents are primarily Muslim. And then my, my mom ended up breaking up with my dad and she was still a Muslim, but one of those she’s so cool.

    I don’t understand why she was like this, but she, she would just really embrace being in Australia and exploring the culture. So I always got to celebrate Christmas, Easter, like all of the fun things. 

    Phi: Mmmmm

    Shule: So I, and I did Beetham as well. So all of the things I did, I celebrated everything and I went to a Muslim primary school and a Christian High school. And through that, I realized that it was like, in my mind, I’m like, this is all basically the same. We’re all saying the same thing, but in different ways. So the whole, like fear that’s embedded in religion turned me off. And I was like, mmm mmmm I don’t want anything to do with that. So then when I had my awakening, it happened so organically, it happened so naturally.

    So I was getting the experiences because I was tapping into something that I didn’t even know existed. And then I would go to the internet and be like, what the hell is happening to me? What is this experience? And I would try to validate it with other people’s experiences. And that’s what drew me to spirituality.

    That’s what made me go, oh my God, I’m a whole hearted believer. I like, I’ll be preaching if there’s a spirituality church, I’m the trip like preaching because it was something that just happened on its own. And I think I lacked spirituality in that. It is so like the way that I follow it, it’s so freeing in that.

    It’s really whatever I want it to be, whatever I need it to be. And. I like it because like, you can believe in whatever you want to believe. It I’ll believe in whatever I want to believe in. And I think like, that’s the best way to navigate it. ,

    Skeptics, like my boyfriend is the biggest skeptic. 

    I’ve proved to him so many times that I’ve like psychic. I predicted something. And he still like finds ways to just be like, no, that’s a coincidence. That’s this. And I’m just like, okay. Like, if you want to live your life through that perspective, that’s fine.

     I want to live life in a magical, we all have this ability. We’re all intuitive perspective. And that’s, that’s, that’s my power.


    Shule on intuition

    Phi: Ooooh I was going to ask you because some people like what if they can connect to the intuition? You don’t believe that or you think maybe they’re not open to it? 

    Shule: I, I believe that everyone can. I think because I was that person that used to be like, I don’t have an intuition seriously fade.

    The way that I would make decisions was back back. This is partially the way that I would make decisions was I would consult everyone around me. So I’d be like, you know, What do you say? What do you think? What do you think? What do you think? And then I’d get the, the decision based on what everybody else picked.

    And I remember one time I was doing that same thing to my best friend, like I always did. And she just looked at me and she snapped because she always had that sense of intuition. And she’s like, don’t you have a sense of intuition. She’s like, why do you always make decisions like this? It’s like, it really like triggered her.

    Cause she’s like, you just rely on other people’s opinions and you don’t rely on yourself. And she’s like, don’t you have that thing that tells you what to do. And I was like, I don’t know what you’re talking about. And I couldn’t say it from her perspective until I had the awakening. And I was like, wow, now I don’t consult anyone with any decision.

    I just tell people what I’m going to do. And I’m like, I’m doing that. So I just completely consult myself.

    Shule on her identity, self acceptance and tarot cards

    Phi: So powerful. They literally gave me chills. I’m like, you’re literally, literally like the living, breathing thing of it. Like you’ve seriously gone, like a whole different journey and your identity is so interesting.

    And I know that you’re really passionate about self-love, but I want to delve into self acceptance because that’s something that you really talk about. And so how do you think that all comes together for your life about the whole self-acceptance and having all these different identities and coming that whole journey, being like, you know what?

    I am my own person. I have my own voice and I’m here to speak about it and show the world right?

    Shule: Yeah, uh, that comes with many different things. Um, bringing it back to what you said, the tarot cards, like the tarot cards as something that really, really helped me actually connect back to myself. So you can look at tarot any way that you want oracle cards, whatever, however you like, right.

    It could either be communicating with your highest self or it could be communicating with like your spirit team, whatever you want to believe in. Uh, it’s really just your interpretation. However you believe you’re getting the information. 

    So when you’re doing tarot, it’s not about actually looking at the like definitions of what the tarot cards mean or the oracle cards or what somebody else has written because it’s your interpretation.

    That’s important. So when you really get to like analyze the image and what feeling is that bringing up? That’s what strengthens the intuition, but not only that, then actually following that guidance. And then through just the practice of doing that, you strengthen that relationship with yourself. And that’s really how I did it with myself.

    That’s one of the biggest ways I. Develop this relationship with myself. So it was just a good way to kind of get like the cards are good visual way to get what was happening in my head out onto a table. And I could see it right. And then I showed myself that I trust myself and I trust my guidance by actually taking the action.

    And I think taking the action is where people struggle the most. And there’s really no formula. There’s really no, there’s no formula other than just doing it. I don’t know if you agree with that?

    Phi: I just think it’s so interesting. I’ve never really heard about anyone describe tarot like that. You know what I mean?

    Shule: Yeah. It’s such a powerful way because it just, it regardless, even though I believe I’m talking to my spirit guides through the cards, as well as my highest self, you don’t have to look at it as a spiritual thing. If you really struggle with like trusting yourself, it’s just about. Yeah. Playing with the card, saying what comes out?

    What does that make you feel? You know?

    Shule on self trust

    Phi: Yes. Self-trust is a very interesting concept. I definitely haven’t trusted myself. I mean, now I do, but definitely before I did it, do you have any tips on how somebody could build their self-trust or anything that you’ve experienced to help you? 

    Shule: Yeah, I honestly just think it’s just doing the thing that you know, that you know you should be doing.

    Like there’s that, you know, that saying where people say, um, where they say, I don’t know what I should be doing. I don’t know what I want. 

    Yes, you do. You know what you want? I’ve been saying that for years and years and years and deep down, I knew what I wanted, but I was like, I don’t have any passions.

    Yes, you do. You just, you. Uh, choosing to say, I didn’t have any passions because your desires are too much for you to actually let you go into that thing. Right? Because you you’re scared. You’re scared about not working out. Maybe it’s not as accepted by society. Um, maybe it’s not what everyone else does.

    Maybe it’s different. Maybe it will make you feel left out. 

    So I think, uh, realizing that, and then realizing that that’s important. Like we all have these desires there for a reason, your desire Phi is going to be completely different to my desires, programmed differently. We want different things, but he have for different things, but he had to fulfill different things for different people, whatever.

    Right. So it’s important to realize that. And I think we can get trapped in that. We all want the same thing, but we don’t. Hmm. 

    Phi: Yes. 

    Shule: I think really using that and trusting that what’s, there is there for a reason.

    There’s a reason you don’t like things and there’s a reason that you do like things, you can use that as a navigation system.

    I don’t like that. That’s not for me. I’m going to go down this way. So don’t suppress that part of yourself because it’s only going to lead to like an unhappy life, which it did for me for so, so, so long. So I say the best way to trust yourself is to actually follow that desire and take action. Like actually follow the thing, do the thing, prove to yourself that that was the right, uh, that was the right message or that was the right path for you.

    And then through that action of like continuing to go in that direction, you’ll realize, okay, that’s how I trust myself. Like you just weren’t even questioned it. Like whenever things come up, you’re like, okay, I know that’s what I have to do now because I’ve done it time and time again. And it’s proven me right.


    Shule on growing through life

    Phi: Yeah. You’re like blowing my mind. Cause I mean, we’re talking about concepts. Like they’re not new concepts. Right. But just like the way you explain it is a very different perspective to mine. And I love that we all have stupid similar, but really different. And I love that you’re sharing all of that. And so, I mean the podcast name, right. 

    It’s called the Grow Through It podcast. So it’s all about, you know, this podcast is don’t just go through life, go through it. So what will you say is like been your catalyst for growth and what really like kind of shot you up and you’re like, yep, I’ve got to do this. This is my growth. This is my waking.

    Like, whatever that is for you?

    Shule: Uh, for me, I guess like the thing that showed me up into growth was I did reach this really, really bad point in my life where I, like I said, I was contemplating being here. I was contemplating the will to live. I was really, really just reaching out to people around me. Like I need help.

    Like I’m so unhappy. I was riddled with anxiety and self doubt and. It was either I was going to stay that and it was going to get worse. And to be honest, like I know that this is really crap to say, but I don’t even know if I’d be sitting here. If I followed that path. I don’t know if I’d be here right now, having this conversation with you.

    Like, it’s just crazy to think, like, cause it was, it was bad and it was just getting worse and worse and I’m not gonna lie. Like I was quite a neglectful towards mental health. I didn’t understand it until I went into it. And then I understood it and I was like, wow, like I understand now how like profound and how hard it can be.

    So kind of being in that, it was either like I had to make a decision and say that you’re going to stay there and it’s going to get worse and worse and worse, or you’re going to make that change. And you’re going to start like giving yourself what you need, what you’re like, my soul is yearning for. And once you start doing that, like.

    It’s either going to get better or it’s going to completely suck. So I think like I got to this point where it was like life or death, really, as dramatic as that sounds, it was life or death. 

    For me, it was either you start listening to yourself and listening to your soul, your desires and following, you know, everything that’s in you that you really, really wanted to explore and you want to let out, or you keep it suppressed and you stay unhappy and then it gets worse and it gets worse.Then it gets worse. 

    Shule and Phi discuss mental health

    Phi: Wow. Yeah. Thank you so much for sharing. And you don’t like, I don’t think we talk about enough about it, like that issue of like contemplating your place in society and being alive here. Right? Like we all kind of like, you talk about it when it’s like mental health week or mental health month.

    And then we kind of like tip toe around it because like, Ooh, it’s like so controversial and we’re like, skip. I’m like, let’s not be scared about it. Like, let’s talk about it. Right. Because somebody is listening and being like, I’ve made that, I’m feeling this right now. And so I guess, like, what do you think really kind of push you?

    Like I know you were kind of, um, delving more into spirituality and breathing, but do you know when you, at that place, like some people, like, how did you find that will, how did you get that motivation to be like, okay, I’ve got to change it because, you know, I think we’ve all been there. We’ve been just so down and we feel like we’re in like this whirlpool and we cannot get out and we’re like drowning and we’re like trying to scream for help, but we’re like, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t.

    How did you make that leap? 

    Shule: How did I do it? I just like black. I said it just actually got to that life or death point. Like it was either I stay in my misery and I’m not here anymore. Like I do the things that I’m thinking about, or I, I take, I try to make a change and it was hard. Like I’m not going to sit here and say it was easy.

    And like, once I did it, like it skyrocketed, no, like I was trying to meditate for a good four months in that period. And I, I couldn’t, I couldn’t even stand being alone with my own mind, but I’m quite a persistent person. And I guess, like, that’s just a quality that I have where I really, really, um, I’ve always envisioned a happy life for myself and I never like wanted to be in like misery, you know what I mean?

    So I really just envisioned like envisioned a playful, happy life. And I wanted that so much. And when I hit adulthood and like all this like crappy shit was happening, I was like, Uhhhhh, like, it’s just getting like worse and worse and worse. And is this what adulthood is it? Does it just get worse? Because I was surrounded by adults with like such a negative mindset and I was like, oh my God, I just felt way down.

    That’s the best way I can describe it. And, uh, I guess that, like that, like that envision that I had, like deep down that I just wanted and crave like a happy life and just to be happy and grateful. So I think that that was just within me. Like I said, 

    Phi: It’s beautiful. 

    Shule: Yeah. It’s in you or it’s not right. So yeah.

    You decide kind of how you want to go with it because, you know, I’ve seen people go the other way, completely like down a bad path and it breaks my heart that they don’t feel like they can get out of it. But I really believe that it’s just something that you have to find within you.

    Phi: I think you can always get out, right?

    Like, um, I genuinely a hundred percent believe it. And I think that’s something that’s really comes through in what you’ve just said. It’s like holding that vision, like whether it’s manifesting or getting yourself out of a bad time, you have to hold the vision. You have to hold that. Hope that even if it doesn’t look like it’s happening, it can happen.

    We live in a quantum reality. It could just drop out of the sky. Like I tell that to so many clients, like, I mean, if we, if I talked to you like a year ago, you’re probably like, no, I’m not gonna be a positive person. I don’t believe in spiritually, but I could be like, do you, well, maybe you will be. And then here you are.

    Shule: Right. You’re so right. You’re so right. And I also want to bring it back to what you said about the mental health, like it being such a taboo topic and this about it. I completely agree. I think it’s something that we should talk about. We should start talking about this because so many people stay with that.

    And that was a big thing with me. Like I, um, do you know much about astrology. 

    Phi: Yes. I love astrology. You know me? 

    Shule: Yes. I’m a Virgo ascendant. So that means like ascendent is kind of how people see you have it all together. They look like they’re very structured, organized, and they just have it all together.

    So in my deep down in my head, I’m like sh like the looking for the world to live and people like, oh, wow, she’s got it all sorted, look it up going, you know, graduating with that degree, moving out with her partner, like all of this is happening for her. So that’s like kind of what I was portraying, but like deep down, I was hurting so much.

    Right. And I’m looking around at other people and you know, people don’t talk about this stuff very openly. And I’m like, no one asked is feeling this. Am I alone in this? What’s wrong with me? And then like, whoa. So then having these conversations just makes you think, okay, I’m not alone. I’m not the only one who goes through this.

    So it’s just powerful that you said that. And I think it’s true. Like you put up that post recently. Um, uh, what was it called? It was the one we had, like the three words. 

    Phi: I can’t even remember.

    Shule: Uh, but that just, you, you were talking about mental health. You were really honest Phi, which I love. 

    Phi: Oh, yes. Yeah.

    Shule:It’s just, it’s so nice and refreshing to say that on social media, because it can be. Hard to.

    Phi: Oh yeah. You’re giving me all the flashbacks. Sorry, everybody. I would say we were laughing because I was say I’m so present that. I forget like all these things, but it was, yeah. So this week I was really ill, like, so ill that I couldn’t like watch TV.

    I couldn’t even like read a book and it taught me surrender. And I was like, oh my gosh, I just have to surrender to this. I can’t fight this. If this cold wants to take over, I’ve just got to let it do its thing. And I felt all these things and I was like, oh, actually I didn’t even want to, um, upload that because I felt a bit angry because in that photo I was like really down and really angry at the world.

    I was like, oh my gosh, I’m so sick of myself. Right. But like you said, it’s so important to talk about these things. Especially people like us who have a platform. I don’t want people to think that I’m happy all the time. Cause I’m definitely not. So it was a beautiful moment. I remember writing that and I’m like, it’s just such a true.

    It’s just so much truth in that post and what you said, and I love that you had that experience. I really, really do. I was teaching. I mean, what’s your experience with surrender? Because I think I said in the post, like people think surrendering is like, you give up. Right. But I think there’s so much power in being like, you know what, okay, take me with the flow.

    Let me go where you want me to go. And I surrender and I felt really powerful by the end of the week, style awake, nor angry at surrender. So I wanted to know your experiences about surrender.

    Shule on surrender

    Shule: So, um, I do struggle with that, but I think what ends up happening is it kind of gets to this point in my mind where I’m like, okay, there’s no like. So, okay. I guess, like to be as truthful and honest as I possibly can, which is what we’re talking about, but I was getting caught up in analytics.

    So I was getting caught up with like analytics on posts and podcasts and all of this, like, and it was like feeding my ego almost. Right. So it was like, um, I remember like the podcast hit, like, was it like a thousand downloads or something like that? And I was like, oh my God, that’s so exciting. And I was going to go on social media and just be like, oh my God, thank you guys so much.

    And I like stopped for a moment. And I was like, okay, what am I going to do that. Like, what is this full? What am I really saying? Thank you to the listeners, or am I doing it to feed my ego? Am I doing it to prove to people that the podcast gets downloads? You know what I mean? And that ended up being the reason I was looking for validation.

    I wanted other people to know that I was succeeding and that it was going somewhere. And I’m like, that’s not the way that I want to live. I don’t want to live my life based on other people and getting validation from them because that’s how I’ve lived my entire life. And that made me extremely unhappy.

    I need to be able to give that to myself. I need to be able to just really celebrate that on my own. So I didn’t post that. And I stopped and I was like really proud of myself, like realizing that that came up and I got to stop myself in that moment and be like, why is he doing this? Oh, my goodness. Yes.

    Because gosh, so many times I’ve been there to anything in life. I’m like, wait, you know, like people say like, I want a relationship or I want lots of money, but I’m like, is that what you really want? Or are you just subscribing to something that’s picked up along the way when you were growing up and you’ve just kept going with it.

    Like so many times I’m like, wait, is this what I want? Or is this like, find my mom wants me to do all society.

    Phi: Right. And for you to share, Shule that is so powerful. To be able to be like, oh my gosh, what am I actually doing this for? And being humble enough to be like, yeah, that was my ego. And we all have an ego, right?

    Shule on the ego

    Phi: I mean, what’s your take on the ego? Because I had this relationship where I was like, the ego is so evil, but I’ve come to realize that ego is just doing its bit to protect you at all costs. You know, I say. The mind is not for your happiness, it’s wired for your survival. So what’s your take on the ego and your experiences with ego and maybe dissolving the ego cause that’s damn hard.

    Shule: Yeah. I don’t think like it’s, you shouldn’t really dissolve the ego. Cause like you said, it’s important. It’s there and you realize it’s not such an evil thing. It, the ego is that defense mechanism that protected us when we were a child, when we know something bad happened to us and it came in to like be there for us.

    So the ego is a massive part of us. And my friend actually gave me this analogy and I really find it so helpful. I think kind of, uh, her name on Instagram is elevating consciousness. Um, she talks to her ego in a way where she treats it like a child, like a little baby child. So whenever it’s starting to play up where it’s like, I’m not getting attention or this isn’t happening or this didn’t get so many likes and now I’m sad.

    Like that, that part that comes up, she will then talk to as if like a kid like it’s okay. You’re still loved. You’re still very accepted. I accept you. So it’s just that back and forth, like catching the ego and that’s what I’ve been doing. And I found it so helpful because when you actually look at how the agar reacts and like it acts out, you’re like, it actually is very childlike.

    It is just that in a child like that, didn’t get something when you were a kid and it’s acting out now as an adult. So to actually catch that, if you, if you can like really, you know, develop a mindfulness practice and you can really get to know yourself and then you can catch those things. Like, you know how I could catch myself in that moment and be like, why are you doing this?

    Um, in that moment. And then you just talk to that, that, that ego side of you. And you’re like, it’s okay. We’re still loved. Those are fine. Like, you know what I mean? 

    Phi: I love that because you know, it goes really hand in hand with consciousness and awareness. That’s like the parent, right? It’s not like your, you don’t love your children.

    It’s just like, you’re the parent watching the kid, having the tantrum and you’re trying to like appease it and make a decision out of your best awareness as an adult self. So I think that’s really, really cool. And I love that you had those conversations with your friends. And so a lot of listeners, like they always want to know, like, you know, do you have any books that have been really, you know, spiritual, not spiritual?

    Shule on her favourite books, podcasts, resources

    Phi: Well, they could be spiritual, but I mean development to your growth or, you know, any favorite quotes that really resonated with you that you’d be able to share with us.

    Shule: So a really good book for ego, like really like catching the ego is called what’s it called conversations with the devil by Napoleon hill.

    Have you heard of it? I’ve heard of it, but I haven’t read it. It’s such a good raid because it’s very, it’s the devil is the ego basically. So just like develop, like, learning how that works and how that manifests into our minds at what age that manifests. And then like really understanding that. And I guess for me, because a lot of my self development journey has been spiritual based.

    Like it was me really relying on the spiritual podcasts and things like that. So I really, really enjoyed in terms of podcasts. I really enjoyed, um, manifestation, babe. 

    Phi: Oh, yes. Yes. 

    Shule: I just, I love her. I love her content. It’s so wholesome. It’s so nice. Um, so I learned a lot through this, uh, balanced, blonde podcasts as well.

    I learnt a lot through that podcast. Um, I’m trying to think what was. That would be my, um, a lot of my main recommendations are really good wine. If you want it get like deep into this boat of spirituality, understanding the ego and all of that, her name is Christina alerts and she’s on YouTube. She really helped me a lot as well.

    Like really gives detailed explanations and then tangible tools on how to like get through certain situations or overcome blocks. And it’s very, very helpful in that the video is so detailed and they’re all for free on YouTube. So she just shared so much value, but she really, really helped me as well.

    Shule and Phi discuss coaching and investing in yourself

    Phi: Oh, great. Thank you so much for sharing because I mean, I definitely agree. I think we are so lucky. Like when has there been a time in the earth where you can access everything for free? Like genuinely, like everything is free and it’s out there. Right. You just have to find it. But then I also think like when you invest in yourself, like say a coach, like you have, and I haven’t, you know, the clients of mine, it is a different journey because you put your skin in the game, like your energies behind it, because you’re putting a resource behind it.

    It’s not to say like it’s better growth or anything. It’s just a different place, a different energy, maybe at a different rate. What is your take on that? Cause I don’t like the stuff like I’m a life coach and I’m saying like, you don’t have to work with a life coach to get better. Like, I don’t believe that at all. I think you accelerate it, but I don’t think it’s necessary. What do you, what’s your take?

    Shule: I love that you say that because it’s empowering, you give people the power back. And that was a lot of what I realized when we were talking on the episode that we did together on my podcast.

    It was, you were really, really talking about, uh, how you really pull that out of people. You’ll kind of just there just kind of thing. People’s guide back to themselves really, right? 

    Phi: Yeah. What’s in them. It’s that.

    Shule: You all have it within you. Like we all do. We all have the capability of pulling ourselves up and I think like you’re so right, like investing in a coach.

    The may, it was like, I’m going to prove to myself that I’m putting myself first. Finally, because for me at that point, I was at this point where I was like, okay, I know what I need to be doing, but I’m too scared to take the step. I’m too scared to do it. So I needed that support. So when I invested that money into that coast coach, she helped me then, like, it’s kind of like, okay, you’re investing in yourself.

    You just put that much money into investing in yourself and your growth and your, you know, you really gonna disappoint yourself by like wasting all that money and not doing the thing. And then that person becomes your cheerleader. Right. And they’re like to do it usually. Yeah. She’s like, you have it all within you.

    Like just do it, just do it, just do it. And then somebody like that, believing in you, also somebody that’s doing like, usually we invest in people that have what we want. Right. Like what we’re looking for. So having that person behind you saying I did it, you can do it too. That’s really helpful because you’re like, okay.

    Yeah, like she could do it. I’m going to do it. So it’s so like investing in a coach, if you have like. The financial means to do so. And you want to prove to yourself that you’re important and you’re going to take off, you’re going to follow your desires. It’s with it a hundred percent. And it was the best investment I’ve ever made.

    Shule on taking action

    Phi: Oh, I love that. I love that. And I think for our conversation today, I really learnt that you’re very action orientated, girl, you move, you make moves. Like you don’t just like sit there and stagnate. And so I wonder, have you ever been in that place where, because you’re like such an action, take-away you feel like you’re stuck and when you’re stuck, like, what do you do?

    Shule: Like I said, I was stuck for the whole year. Like I had, I had the podcast idea in last year, year, and I wanted to, I purchased like the blog and all of it in media last year. And I did not take action until February this year. So that was like a good six to seven months that I just didn’t listen to myself.

    But I just, I didn’t do the thing. So that wasn’t me and what I did, funnily enough, I invested in a coach. Yeah. It’s funny. It’s true. Like, I think I was, I still remember my first coach. I was very reluctant, but it is something about it. Like your energy and the money you just like, I can’t not do it now.

    Phi: I always say that my clients are like, hi, their dreams are hiring me because the dreams want to happen. And they’re like, can you just please stop the process and like, get along and do what you need to do. But it just shows that you just sometimes like you do it. And even though you feel scared, even though you’re, you know, you’re worried about being judged, right?

    Shule: Like, and you grow a lot in your self love as well, because you’re like, I love myself. I’m going to do this for myself. I love myself enough to not be so worried about other people’s judgments. And so I love to know like your take on self love and your growth and journey. Yeah. Uh, I love that. You said that that’s exactly right.

    It’s just that stepping into fear and then it becomes addictive because you’re like, oh my God, I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. And then you keep going natural drug. I actually forgot the question. Oh yeah. So I was saying like, because when we step into the fear, but I think it takes a lot of self love to do it.

    Phi: Right? Because you love yourself enough to invest in yourself. You love yourself enough to do the things, even though people might judge you. And so I wanted to know like your take on self love and the development of yourself love in your like spiritual growth. 

    Shule: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, that was something that’s probably been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to cultivate in this life, loving myself enough to give myself the life that I’ve always dreamed really has been like such a journey with me with self-love and I still struggle.

    Like there’s still things that I have to work on, but I’m so like, I, I have come such a long way with it. I have, I really, really have, and I am proud of myself and I think that’s a good reminder for people to look at kind of where they were and where they are now as well, because I think you can get, you can get lost in the growth and you’re like the next thing, the next thing.

    But then you’re like, wait, look at how much I’ve changed. Like this is me right now in may last year. It was just a completely different person. Like I’m so proud of me. So just taking those moments, really like really, uh, being my cheerleader, like whenever I would have those little minor milestones where I, you know, posted my first story did my first podcast, like celebrating that and celebrating me and celebrating my ability to do that.

    Shule on self love

    Shule: So really like. Also spending time with myself, like loving myself enough to like set boundaries was really, really important. I was like such like a giver and people like really projected onto me. And I would take that on. I was like an empath and I would literally, I would be like, so like wake and broken and I would need like time to myself.

    But if somebody asks me to like, be there with them for a thing, I would go, cause I’m like, you need me, I’ll be there for you. So it was like cutting, like getting out of that mindset that I had to be like that. And like really giving back to myself and being like, you know what, Monday to Friday is for me, no, one’s going to get me in that time.

    It’s mine and weekends, I would give to other people. And that like being able to rejuvenate my energy, spending time with myself because doing those mindfulness practices like meditating and, you know, having like a spiritual bath with Epsom salts, playing with my crystals, playing with my tower, like that brings me back to my soul and it makes me so happy.

    Connects me back to my hot and. I need that time with myself. So like making that a priority over other people. And then once you can really like nourish that version of yourself, you’re showing yourself, I love you. I love you. And I’m going to give that to you. That’s what you want. That’s what makes you happy?

    I love you. I’m going to give you the things that you want. Nourishing a buddy, even like eating those good foods, like feeding your body. Things that feel good. Like when I was in a really, really bad place, I didn’t care about my health. I didn’t care about how I was feeding myself and my, I, I shuffled for it.

    I’ve developed celiac disease, really bad IBS, like just so many things and even CBO at some point. So like, I just, wasn’t listening to my body. It just got really, really bad. So showing myself that I love myself, I’m making like a nice nutritious meal, like spending the time to do that. Just those small acts of self-love.

    Does that make sense? 

    Phi: I feel like absolutely. No, no. I was just listening so deeply. Cause I was like, that’s so very true because you don’t realize that. Well, I feel like people think you have to do things for self-love, but I genuinely believe self-love is the lifestyle. Right? You should be loving yourself in every moment and be able to make the choices because yes, there is hard, but it’s like, when you are talking about it, I was like, yeah, she actually becomes such a better person and a better friend because you are like at your full and then you’re like, okay, I can give to you because I’m so happy.

    I’m so connected. And. Like, I think it was like talking about this with a client, because I was like, you know what self love, like your friends should respect that. Right? Like, I wouldn’t be like, oh gosh, do you want to take a weekend off? Because you’ve had a terrible week at work. Like, how dare you? Like, I don’t think any normal friend would be like, no, you can’t do that.

    Like, it’s just weird. This we’re bringing all the threads in, but like your mind just makes up all this crap. 

    Shule: Right. And no one teaches you how to love yourself. When you think about it, we don’t go to the school of self-love. I mean, maybe later on in life, I’m like hanging for that. I want to create that for my kids.

    Shule on what's next for her

    Phi: Well, that’s interesting because I’m like, what’s like, what’s next for you? Like, you obviously have a podcast. Where can people find you. 

    Shule: Yeah. Oh God. So right now I am, I’m doing like a healing and mediumship course, basically. 

    Phi I’m so excited for you.

    Shule: I’m excited. So I don’t know where that’s gonna take me, but it feels right. And I’ve never felt like I was at home. Like I was doing the course and I just had this like overwhelming feeling of this is right. Like, this is where you’re supposed to be. And when I’m doing the work and I’m reading people and I’m learning like the healings, it just feels so familiar.

    And so, right. So I’m hoping to then start like maybe offering that to people. I’m not sure what it’s going to look like, and I’m going to leave it open to whatever it needs to be. So I’m going to just leave that, but you can expect that from me in future. I’ll be definitely go spirit. So we’ll just time.

    It, nobody like it’s time now. I’ll just be like, you’re doing this. Um, so it’ll be something like that. But right now I’m just getting most in the conversations, like really focusing on the podcast and really like sharing people’s stories. Like your story. Like I’m passionate about people like you I’m like, it’s so cool.

    Phi: You have like every single topic. I was like, wow. She talks about like all sorts. Say, if you’re into the spiritual, you need to check out the closeted soul podcast. Trust me. And I feel like you’re such a calm, like you’re so great at conversations and you bring out the best people. But I mean, I’m just like reflecting on this time.

    I don’t even know what the time is, but it’s been such a healing conversation genuinely. Like it’s just so deep. And I think you are meant to hear, like, I would, I think that path is open for you, but I could definitely see you doing that. I think that’s really, really beautiful. And I mean, um, in terms of healing, do you think you have to do anything?

    Do you think it’s like a spiritual thing? Like what is healing to you? 

    Shule: Healing can be many things and it’s really just how far you want to take it. But I think, um, In order to like go to the healing. Like for me, it started off like how it starts up for everyone. Like the law of attraction medicine. Woo.

    This is fun. Oh my God. I got to create my own reality. And then you realize, oh my God, there were so many blocks where do these come from? Oh my God. Like, I actually have like things I have to deal with. And then you go down the healing path. It’s important to not get caught up in the healing path because that can also be quite like really sad and it can get really, really Dave.

    So it’s yeah. You need like a balance of both. And while balance is so hard to like, cause you can’t really have a balance. Right. But just, just be mindful of not going, like getting too caught up on the healing. Um, I think first of all, like the most important thing before taking steps to healing is to develop that relationship with yourself.

    Really understand what you need. And what if there’s something that you’ve have tried to work on it, look, look it up. Like we have so much access to information on the internet. And that’s how I did a lot of my journey. Like a lot of people, like, I can’t believe you like did everything all on your own.

    And I’m like, yeah, well, I had the internet, like how lucky are we to even have access to this information? So utilize it, you know, those resources that I mentioned, explore them because you will learn so much. And then you’ll learn like how to do and people give such valued, valuable advice on the internet.

    So really, really go through that and, um, try to take on the practices, take them seriously as well. And then if you’re struggling from there, like for me, like for example, like I have a really, really heavy childhood, which how I bring up because it just brings the vibe down. But I’m like a really heavy childhood that I talk about on my cost, but I needed help dealing with that.

    I was like, That was when the ego was coming in and I was like, mm, you you’ve dealt with this. You don’t have to deal with it. You’ve dealt with, but it was because it was to visit. So I was like, yeah, been myself that I had healed, but I had been. And when I realized that that like kept coming up in my reality and kept like keeping me here.

    And I couldn’t like, it’s like, I couldn’t move to the next thing because I knew that that had to be dealt with. So they came a point where it had to be dealt with. And again, my guides were like, you have to deal with this and I needed help. And I’m really hard at asking for help. And that’s when I invested in an actual, like, um, she was a healer and it was a very like intense situation where she took me into a meditation.

    She brought up the situation. I was in that meditation for three hours. Wow. It was full on and she just talked me through like the scenario and she didn’t let me get out of it. And what I could, what was happening to me during that time was I kept trying to get out of it. Like, I don’t want to deal with this anymore.

    Like, I’m done, I’m done. I’ve done it. I’ve done it. And she kept saying, no, you’re not, you’re not done. Go back. Like, go back. It was intense. 

    Phi: Oh goodness. It’s like, it sounds like ayahuasca, you know how like full on that is. Oh, you go to peak frontier. You can’t leave it’s in your mind. Would you say it was kind of like that, but obviously more not plant related?

    Shule: It was spiritual. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And look, you can do that. Like that’s what a lot of people say as well. Like those experiences, you can get as well, like without being on the plant medicine. So you can definitely do that. So it’s. That’s what’s so cool. Like you just have to seek out what you need.

    So that was really, really powerful. Like I’ve seen shamans but energy work and it’s just, it is really, really powerful when that’s what you want to. Allow in even things like, like Kinsey, I can’t say it. Kinesiology. Kinesiology. Yeah. Yeah. That’s all run. Um, but that like Reiki, that’s also really good for healing as well.

    So if you feel like you’re a bit blocked immunity somehow, like those, those alternatives. Yeah. Yeah. Right. I think you should open your mind. I don’t think anything’s right or wrong. I think you’ve just got to try it for yourself and open up. And I just love what you said about everyone begins in the law of attraction because I’m like, yeah, it’s true.

    Like you realize that you can create your reality, but you’ve also all the whole time have been creating it. So, you know, it’s not always like, you know, all the manifestations coming true. It’s also like the stuff in the past that you have to take in your life and work through. So it sounds like you’ve really gone there, but I just laughed to myself because I was like, yeah, we all started out really positive and realize like the healing and the work is not always in the fun things.

    Phi: It’s in the stuff where you have to really. Deeply confronts stuff that you don’t want to, and it makes you feel very uncomfortable, right? Especially like, I can’t imagine having visions being brought out and being like, you have to stay there and you know, your mind can’t distinguish between reality and not real.

    Right. So you’re literally putting yourself through it again, reliving it to, you know, move forward with your life. And it’s so true because life will literally bring back patterns. I tell my clients, like, it’s not that it’s like punishing you or anything, but the patterns are happening for a reason because the universe wants you to pick up on the pattern and be like, oh wait, that may like, Hey, you think I was like, oh, not me.

    That’s not the universe. That’s me. Like, this is something I have worked through the last 8 years before like I met my boyfriend. So, I mean, it’s, it’s a karma. Like what do you want to call it? What are your takes on like that kind of life path journey? 

    Shule on the subconscious

    Shule: I believe it’s all subconscious. Like, I love that. I believe it’s all subconscious.

    I believe that we haven’t dealt with that. And you got to think about how universe is basically a replication of our subconscious, what we call the law of attraction. Isn’t hard. The law of attraction is always working. You don’t have to try hard at it. It is something that happens. Like you realize you’ll just be talking about something like, um, and a topic will come up and then it’ll come up in another situation somehow some form, like just from nothing.

    And it’s just, it’s so weird. Like my partner and I were always joking about the house next door going on sale. Cause it’s so beautiful. And I’m like, I’m going to live there. It’s going to go on sale. It went on sale seriously. And it’s like completely within our price range. It’s just so funny because those were the things I was joking about.

    I was like, that has, is going to go on sale. It’s going to be within our price range and blah, blah, blah. And it did. And I was completely joking. So it’s just it really, whatever you put out there, it comes back the back end. It’s not, it’s not a hard thing. And I really truly believe that the subconscious is, it controls a lot of what, what you have.

    Phi: Oh yeah. It wasn’t 95% of what we do. Like, isn’t it a weird thing? He, that like the thoughts you’re having a, not you it’s like in a, it’s like a washing machine. It’s like just going over and over different forms. But I get what you’re saying. It’s like the core thing is it’s still the same. Just keeps coming up in different ways.

    Shule: Right. It’s, it’s controlling a lot of what’s happening and it holds onto a lot of hurt from the past. So, you know, maybe like it could have been as simple as your mom yelling at you, when you were a kid, maybe you were singing in your mom saying shut up, you know, that could have really, really hinted to a self-conscious and it all comes back to build that relationship with yourself, understand why you’re doing things.

    If there’s a patent, like, you know, maybe a relationship that you keep getting to relationships and they keep cheating on you. Why is that happening? You know, look into that. Is that something that you’re attracting? That was the most powerful thing for me. Like, I was always like, oh, life is happening to me.

    My life’s the worst I’m so like unlucky. And then when I really like took the step step back and I was like, what am I the creator of this? Am I creating this? Like unluck and like this, this dreamy sort of laugh for myself. You know what I mean? And then I realized I’m like, yes, you are. It’s all in the perspective.

    And it’s all in the mind. And when I started to change that, and I said to really like practice gratitude and all of that, and I’m really do that work with myself and I get to like, change the way things played out. But that was, yeah, it’s such a powerful distinction, so powerful because when you do that, you’re like taking responsibility for your life.

    And people think that’s like a drainer, but I’m like, no, if you’re responsible for it, you can fix it. You can change it at any time. Right. That is super, super empowering. And so when you set that, I was like, oh yeah, like that’s so true. And something else came up, which was like the stuff we talk about the world we deal with.

    Like spirituality, it doesn’t make sense, but it works because it’s not because if it was a mind conscious thing, your mind would intercept it. Right. That’s why this stuff is on a subconscious level. You don’t even realize it. So it’s kind of like a bit of like a mind blowing thing. Right? Mind blowing thing.

    Phi: Cause it’s true. It’s like, uh, it’s all subconscious, but then you have to be conscious of, I know what you mean. Yeah. 

    Episode closing Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang 29: Shule Ozek

    Phi: So I guess before we end the conversation today, I would love to know, you know, what’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever been given and for, to tell listeners how they can find you on Instagram, your website, where your podcast is available.

    Shule: Yeah. Yeah. Okay. It can do, can do the best piece of advice I was ever given. This is going to sound so cliche and it’s so boring. And I know that this comes around all the time. Like everyone knows what they’re saying, but it was really the thing that helped change my life and shift my perspective. It was that I was the creator of my own life that I was, I, I couldn’t have anything that I wanted, as long as I gave myself the permission to have that thing.

    If that made sense. That’s so powerful. And it’s true. Yeah, it was that just because I was always a victim, I always felt like a victim to life. Like life was happening to me. So when I, when I heard that and I really said to practice anybody that everything changed, everything changed. I just became an unrecognizable person.

    So yeah, absolutely that, um, and where people can find me. So I hang out on Instagram the most. So at closeted soul, And my podcast is the closed cell podcast. You can find it on apple podcasts and Spotify. And I also have a website. If you want us to check out the episodes

    Phi: Thank you so much for being on the podcast. My love it’s been so good. So deep, I’m literally, I was like, whoa, now I’m like jumping out of the conversation, but thank you so much for being on the podcast. 

    Shule: Thank you so much for having me. I honestly had so much time, so much fun and I can’t believe the time

    Are you wanting to find out more about 1:1 Coaching or working with me? Maybe perhaps you want to know more about me. I’d love to connect with you. You can visit my website or connect with me on Instagram @thephidang. Speak to you soon.

    Click here to read more

  • 28: Impact of Fear

    Episode Summary of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 28: Impact of Fear

    Fear can play a prominent role in the lives of many. Ironically it makes us do a lot of things yet also stops us from doing a lot of things. Learn more about the impact of fear in your life and what is going on inside your brain. An inspiring take on fear and how it can elevate your growth!

    What you'll learn from this episode

    • How fear stops you from living life fully​
    • Fear paralysis and how it keeps you stuck
    • How to break the cycle of fear
    • Spiritual meanings of fear
    • How to overcome fear and it’s not do with your mind or mindset
    • What happens to the brain and body when we experience fear​
    • The fight or flight evolutionary response​
    • An exercise to demonstrate the power of your mind and brain on fear​
    • Fear and regret​
    • Helpful codes and quotes on fear​
    • The Bible and Fear​
    • Common fears a life coach sees​
    • An exclusive: a life coach’s hot tip on fear and growth​

    Key Quotes from this Episode

    Focus on who you want to be and what you want to achieve not on your fears.

    Instead of falling to fear, how can you rise in fear?

    Wake up and realise every day you are dying, so make the most of every moment

    Featured Resources on the episode

    Show Transcript

    [Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:

    Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.

    Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.

    My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”

    My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.

    Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.

    This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.

    Ready to grow? Let’s grow!

    [Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]

    [Episode 28 – Impact of Fear]

    Impact of Fear Introduction

    Top 10 Life Coaches To Watch as Named by New York Weekly

    Hello Beautiful Soul!

    In the most exciting news, I’ve been named one of the top 10 life coaches to watch out for in 2021 by New York Weekly. So so exciting. Thank you for all the love over on my Instagram my heart and soul are overwhelmed and overjoyed with all the celebrations. It means the world to me.

    This week I’ve been reflecting on fear which is what today’s episode is all about.

    Fear supposedly protects you and keeps you alive. 

    Which is does to a degree but really it keeps you from being truly alive.

    It is keeping you stuck, small and scared.

    Fear stops you from living life fully

    Fear keeps you from doing all the things.

    Falling in love.

    Breaking up.

    Starting your own business.

    Quitting your job.

    Pursuing your dream career.

    Being who you really are.

    Speaking up.

    Showing your face.

    Changing your life.

    It’s keeping you from life!

    Fear paralyses you and keeps you stuck

    When fear paralyses you – you aren’t even getting a chance to be successful, to be truly happy because you’re stopping in your tracks before you can even start!

    It’s very much the quote that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.

    It’s ironic that fear makes us do a lot of things but it also keeps us from doing a lot of things.

    Fear is a cycle.

    How to break the cycle of fear

    How do you break it?

    It’s not that you have to push, make or force yourself to not be fearful.

    To feel scared is natural – fearful – it has the energy of mental stories behind it, conditioning, lack.

    My approach and what I talk about with my clients is to feel the edges of the fear.

    How does it feel in your body?

    Does it weigh heavily?

    Is it in your stomach?

    To feel it deeply and allow yourself the natural process of feeling your emotions.

    To meet that edge and rise above the fear.

    The meanings of fear spiritually

    Fear has two meanings.

    Forget everything and run or face everything and rise.

    The choice is yours.

    Use your body to overcome fear not your mind

    And really when you embody it, you realise that it isn’t thinking or your mind that will help you overcome fear.

    It’s feeling deeply into your body and taking inspired action accordingly.

    Do the damn thing that edges you out of your comfort zone.

    Invest in yourself.

    Quit the job.

    Start again.

    Focus on who you want to be and what you want to achieve not on your fears. 

    The body is so vital to the experience of fear because it’s experienced in our mind but physically felt in our body through a strong reaction or response.

    What happens to the brain and body when we experience fear

    The amygdala is a small almond shaped organ in the middle of your brain that is triggered when you experience fear which in turn releases stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline – the fight or flight response.

    Your pupils dilate. 

    Your blood pressure increases, your heart starts racing faster and faster.

    Your body is literally going into evolutionary mode, sharpening its senses which is to brace itself for life – to fight for survival or flee for survival.

    I’ve mentioned this several times across the podcast that whilst humans have evolved quickly and rapidly the brain hasn’t quite caught up.

    The fight or flight evolutionary response

    This fight or flight response happens when you’re not even in physical danger as our ancestors were from hungry animals or raging weather conditions.

    It could be you being nervous about a big presentation or work. 

    Perhaps it’s running into an ex.

    Maybe it’s about what your friends think about you.

    This response is triggered and guess what?

    The brain cannot distinguish between reality and imagination so when you think of a memory when you were fearful it will and can feel so real in the body.

    An exercise to demonstrate the power of your mind and brain on fear

    Try it.

    Recall a time you were really scared in your life like a movie, see the visuals and feel it in your body. You can literally cause the stress response in the body.

    That is why my coaching is rooted in energetics and being in the body because the mind can do all sorts of lies and trickery such as fear.

    As I’ve even posted about on Instagram, your brain is wired for survival not happiness. 

    Fear and regret

    The thing is yes you can run from fear but often life will repeat itself and put you in situations until move through that fear to learn, grow, evolve and expand. 

    Remember this when it comes to fear, it is temporary.

    Regret is a strong and powerful emotion – we live one life. What are you going to do in this lifetime.

    Who are you going to be?

    Wake up and realise every day you are dying, so make the most of every moment.

    Don’t lead with fear because that energy is so vastly different to the power of leading with love and intention. 

    Helpful codes and quotes on fear

    I love quotes, always have and always will. 

    I want to share some codes on fear through quotes to help you evolve and grow to your next level.

    “Faith and fear both demand you believe in something you cannot see. You choose!”

    “Never trust your fears, they don’t know your strength”

    “Courage is the resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear”

    “The fears we don’t face become our limits”

    The Bible and Fear

    It’s interesting too that the Bible, a very ancient text says ‘fear not,’ ‘don’t worry’ and ‘be anxious for nothing’ over 300 times.

    Fear is a part of the human experience and it is one of our greatest teachers when we let it go, when we move through it.

    Instead of falling to fear, how can you rise in fear?

    Common fears a life coach sees

    Many of my clients experience fears that are not unfounded.

    It feels so real in their minds.

    The two most commons ones are fear of showing up and being seen and a fear that they’ll never be in a relationship again.

    Together we move past this by identifying and bringing perspective to these fears and briefly visiting why these fears exist in their mind.

    A life coach's hot tip on fear and growth

    I’ll give you a huge hint as a life coach, if you want to quickly grow – do the things you’re scared of.

    In your work, you’ll encounter the fears, work up to move past them and grow.

    Those who face fear head on and move through it, grow in quantum leaps.

    Episode closing Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang 28: Impact of Fear

    If your ready to rise above your fears and be your best self, please get in touch. I would love to help you grow beyond your current limits and dive into juicy expansion to know who you are when you meet fears (the answer: unwavering and unshakable)!

    Until next Tuesday beautiful soul.

    Love & Positivity, Phi 

    [Episode 28 – Impact of Fear Outro]

    Are you wanting to find out more about 1:1 Coaching or working with me? Maybe perhaps you want to know more about me. I’d love to connect with you. You can visit my website or connect with me on Instagram @thephidang. Speak to you soon.

    Additional reading and resources on fear

    Click here to read more

  • 27: Normalising Boundaries With Family

    Episode Summary of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 27: Normalising Boundaries With Family

    Family and boundaries. Just because they are your family doesn’t mean they are exempt from boundaries. Boundaries exist to help and protect you in addition to strengthening all your relationships especially and including your family.

    What you'll learn from this episode

    • Why boundaries also apply to your family​
    • How your boundaries are formed as a child
    • What are boundaries
    • How boundaries are formed
    • The influence of family on boundaries – your upbringing
    • The 3 crucial things a life coach wants you to know about boundaries
    • How we recreate familial situations as an adult particularly in romantic relationships
    • Practical family scenarios and their influence on boundaries
    • A practical strategy to understand how your family influenced your boundaries​
    • Boundaries and cultural conditioning​
    • A life coach’s insight on boundaries

    Key Quotes from this Episode

    Boundaries are a beautiful tool - they help you to be true to who you are and be in your full expression in life!

    Boundaries apply to everybody not just one particular type of relationship.

    People cannot mind read so you can’t expect people to just know boundaries

    Featured Resources on the episode

    Show Transcript

    [Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:

    Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.

    Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.

    My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”

    My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.

    Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.

    This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.

    Ready to grow? Let’s grow!

    [Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]

    [Episode 27 – Normalising Boundaries With Family]

    Normalising Boundaries With Family Introduction

    Hi beautiful soul!

    Wherever you are right now and whatever you are doing I hope you are doing well and fully present! 

    I’ve actually started listening to more podcasts when I drive, so if you’re driving full focus on the road whilst absorbing this podcast. 

    In fact a few of you have written to let me know you love listening whilst driving too and re-listening at home when you can fully take in everything and write notes. 

    Welcoming a new 1:1 client!

    First of all I wanted to do a huge shout and congratulations to my new 1:1 client S wooohooo beautiful soul I’m so excited to be working with you – my first client from London! In our initial consultation chat S was blown with the breakthroughs and realisations she was having about her anxiety and perspective regarding her career and feeling held back from getting a promotion. She’s now stepped into her power and I can’t wait to see what the next few months working with her will lead to!

    Work with Phi

    If you’ve been tuning in for a while, finding my posts resonating and feel the pull to work with me – please get in touch – I would love to work with you as I have done with my clients to help you overcome your negative self talk and limiting beliefs so you can start living your best life, your next level of growth and evolution! 

    Why boundaries also apply to your family

    Today’s episode is inspired and rooted in my latest Instagram post which I did on Sunday to coincide with Mother’s Day. Part of that post was being really firm with boundaries even for and especially for family members like your mum.

    I want to start the episode with a key insight for you: your family at the end of the day are human just like you. They aren’t on a pedestal, we are all and in one the same. From the same source which you may call God, Universe, Spirit, Source, Infinite Intelligence – whatever resonates best with you. 

    Labels of mum, dad, sibling are what we give to identify the relationship to the person. They are also roles, you are a daughter or son to someone, perhaps even a sibling.

    Just because they are your family it doesn’t mean boundaries don’t apply to them. Boundaries apply to everybody not just one particular type of relationship.

    How your boundaries are formed as a child

    And here comes the journey of navigating and understanding the huge role our families play in the formation and enactment of our boundaries.

    So many things we believe – how we act, what we believe to be true is formed and learnt from birth and as children. 

    We are always consciously and subconsciously absorbing the world around us like sponges that in turn create our programming and conditioning. 

    This can become tricky when you are so accustomed to a certain way and belief that perhaps you may not even realise the situations around you are unhealthy, in fact you think it is ‘normal’ based on your upbringing and conditioning.

    How your upbringing and family influence your boundaries

    Depending on how you were raised – boundaries may or may not be a thing. 

    Simply put, boundaries are what you put in place whether physically, mentally, emotionally, morally, financially and so forth to protect yourself and what behaviour you will allow. 

    As a baseline boundaries are ensuring you are respected. That goes both ways including respecting your own self and being firm and following through with the boundaries you set. 

    Think of them as sliding doors, used when needed. 

    Boundaries are a beautiful tool – they help you to be true to who you are and be in your full expression in life!

    The importance of clearly explained boundaries

    Whilst I’m talking about boundaries, from my experience as a life coach I can’t stress how important it is to clearly communicate and define your boundaries. 

    People cannot mind read so you can’t expect people to just know boundaries – if you tell them clearly there cannot be any confusion.

    How we recreate familial situations as an adult particularly in romantic relationships

    On the topic of family and our boundaries, it is in fact our family relationships which form the foundation and groundwork for a lot of other relationships we go on to have in our lives particularly romantic relationships. We often recreate familial situations in romantic relationships consciously and unconsciously.

    A common example that I identify with is fear of being abandoned. Growing up as an only child, having my parents divorced I had developed a fear of being alone and abandoned. 

    I can recall memories of being left alone in the house and freaking out when my parents just popped out to the shops and of course the heart wrenching memories of my parents splitting up. 

    Being so young I didn’t know how this would impact me and later on I realised I would get very easily and anxiously attached to men I dated. It wasn’t til I did the work I was able to move forward and free myself from this limiting narrative and conditioning. 

    The impact of your family and the boundaries you have

    So back to familial relationships and boundaries here are some ways in which this can unfold in your life.

    Chaotic upbringing

    Perhaps if you grew up in a chaotic upbringing, you desire more security and control and so you exert firm boundaries as a means of power and distilled down for your safety. 

    A healthy boundary for this would be discussing any suspicions of a partner cheating instead of harbouring resentment, making assumptions or making a rule to be able to always check and read each other’s messages.

    No boundaries

    Perhaps you grew up in a household where there were no boundaries, what we know to be as enmeshed families to differing degrees – you spoke to your parents about everything and in turn they knew everything about your business and you knew everything about theirs. 

    A healthy boundary for this would be giving your parents a general update on your dating life but at the end of the day you will date who you desire.

    Spending time with your family

    Perhaps you grew up expected to spend all your time with your family and now you feel very guilty for having your own life and spending time apart from your family. 

    Or maybe it was that if someone felt sad in your family, everyone was expected to feel sad too. 

    Maybe your family played a very active role in your academic or social life – pushing things to be a certain way. All of these things play a role in the formation of your boundaries. 

    A practical strategy to understand how your family influenced your boundaries

    For a moment put yourself in a time machine to when you were younger and you said “I don’t want to” or “I don’t like…” or “why do I have to do this…?” 

    Really as a child we are made to do a lot of things we may not necessarily want to as we are learning and growing – being made to speak to or see certain people, eat particular foods, extra curricular activities before, at and after school.

    How did your family react? That can help inform a lot about the conditioning you have when it comes to boundaries. 

    Know that boundaries develop over time, for example the significant shift occurs as you go from a child to an adult particularly on your independence. Maybe your family dynamics change, divorce happens or new partners in the family happen.

    Boundaries aren't evil or made to hurt anyone

    Boundaries aren’t an evil tool in place to hurt other people or let them down.

    Boundaries are the opposite, they protect you and strengthen your relationships. When you can feel safe and at ease with yourself and the world around you, that benefits everyone.

    Boundaries and cultural conditioning

    Boundaries particularly feel difficult on particular occasions such as Mother’s Day which has just happened or holiday season such as Christmas. Cultural conditioning comes into play – it’s that feeling of ‘you have to spend time with your family’, ‘you should be nice to your family’ and so forth. 

    So how do you overcome this? By getting curious. By stepping back and being the awareness of observer of the stories. Oh this makes sense because “society as a whole expects you to spend time with your family.” 

    Just because it’s a holiday it doesn’t mean you have to talk to a toxic family member again or even spend time with them if it makes you feel upset and uncomfortable. 

    Go deeper and bring it back to the self – do the inner work. Notice your triggers. See the patterns. If you have difficulty this is where someone like myself, a life coach, can help you, or another profession such as a psychologist. 

    Note: Listening to the episode on bringing awareness to your inner child can help and be a good start!

    Your boundaries are yours

    At the end of the day your boundaries exist for you and are created solely by you. 

    Give yourself permission to have boundaries because they are important for your safety and wellbeing. 

    You know yourself best and it’s healthy to do what’s best for you. 

    It’s healthy because in order for you to be your best for those you love, you need to be at your best. 

    Episode closing Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang 27: Normalising Boundaries With Family

    Understand that it is often difficult and uncomfortable to set boundaries again depending on your programming and conditioning. So be patient, gentle, kind and compassionate with yourself. Know that the rewards of having healthy boundaries are worth the uncomfortable journey of enacting boundaries with our loved ones. At the end of the day if your family love you they would want to respect you in the same way that you would want to as well.

    Until next Tuesday beautiful souls for another episode of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, love and positivity. 

    [Episode 27 – Normalising Boundaries With Family Outro]

    Are you wanting to find out more about 1:1 Coaching or working with me? Maybe perhaps you want to know more about me. I’d love to connect with you. You can visit my website or connect with me on Instagram @thephidang. Speak to you soon.

    Click here to read more

  • 26 – Toxic Positivity

    Episode Summary of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 26: Toxic Positivity

    Toxic Positivity masquerades itself as positivity when it is the complete opposite. Learn about what toxic positivity is and how you may be doing it without even knowing! I’ll give you tips on how to avoid being the source of toxic positivity, how toxic positivity can make someone feel and what if you are the negative person.

    What you'll learn from this episode

    • What is toxic positivity
    • The human experience
    • Your brain and toxic positivity
    • Toxic Positivity quotes
    • The signs of toxic positivity
    • What happens as a result of toxic positivity?
    • How to avoid being a source of toxic positivity?
    • What if you are the negative person?

    Key Quotes from this Episode

    To be human means to feel on the full spectrum all emotions deeply.

    We aren’t robots programmed to only feel a certain way and only have certain types of thoughts.

    We have all and will continue to experience negativity in our lives. It doesn’t make you a negative person it makes you a human experiencing negativity.

    Featured Resources on the episode

    Show Transcript

    [Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:

    Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.

    Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.

    My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”

    My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.

    Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.

    This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.

    Ready to grow? Let’s grow!

    [Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]

    [Episode 26 – Toxic Positivity]

    Toxic Positivity Introduction

    Hello beautiful soul! 

    I am feeling absolute joy and elation after the Manifestation Magic Masterclass, within a few hours those who attended are already receiving signs from the universe – so so exciting. I even got a beautiful message from Carol who said:

    “I can’t stop thinking about the manifestation magic masterclass today, Phi, it was so good! I can’t explain it. It was like walking into a class that I didn’t want to finish! Thank you for so much love for your insight and for being you, all you. Like omg! I mean the energy just no words!”

    Ahhh my heart and soul!

    I’ll be uploading a replay of the class available for purchase this week – so if you’re interested please DM me and I can get that to you even faster.

    So May is Mental Health Month in many countries which confused me because apparently Australia is October but anyway in honour of that and the fact that mental health day should be every day I want to speak about toxic positivity.

    What is toxic positivity?

    Toxic positivity masquerades itself as being positive when really it’s the completely opposite.

    It’s the belief and attitude that no matter what is happening you should always be happy and have positive thoughts.

    Hello! We are humans, we are souls having a human experience.

    To be human means to feel on the full spectrum all emotions deeply.

    We aren’t robots programmed to only feel a certain way and only have certain types of thoughts. 

    This overly optimistic state denies, minimises and invalidates the human experience.

    The subconscious mind and toxic positivity

    In our subconscious minds based on largely social conditioning and our programming that life is black and white.

    Positive = good. Negative = bad.

    This is largely too simple and negates the shades of grey between.

    Toxic positivity quotes

    I love these quotes which encapsulates everything nicely when it comes to toxic positivity.

    “I’d rather be whole than good.”

    “Positive thinking is a coping mechanism, an automatic coping mechanism. It is void of life. Feeling and experiencing the realness of what is actually happening are the essences of being alive. Feeling, connecting, reacting to the flow-- this is all living. Positive thinking happens in the head, meanwhile, it denies the heart its authentic, genuine feelings. Not only does it have the potential to rob you of real and deeper connection which is ultimately necessary to living a passionate and compassionate life; but it even has the potential to cut you off from reality itself. A mask that you put on your face, other people's faces, and throw over everything around you. We do not become positive by refusing to be real. We become positive people by really living, really feeling, and really rising above anything that would threaten to sink us. You can't even see what threatens to sink you if you refuse to acknowledge that it's even there. Why did Titanic sink? Someone refused to see the icebergs.”

    I've been a source of toxic positivity and you probably have too...

    It’s ok not to be ok. You are not alone and someone out there is wanting and ready to help you.

    I’m known as the positivity queen too and I am certainly not happy all the time. Positivity is my attitude – it’s knowing that no matter what happens I can find the silver lining, I can learn and I can grow which is my lens of positivity. 

    I’ve definitely been guilty of saying things like “it could be worse” or “try be positive” and you may have to.

    Bring awareness to toxic positivity

    I wasn’t aware it could make someone feel worse.

    The beauty of awareness is that you have the power to change.

    You have the power of consciousness!

    What are the signs of toxic positivity?

    • Using blanket positive statements like “good vibes only here” or “be happy”
    • Not listening and validating someone’s experience and jumping to your experience “you’ll get over it”
    • Shaming someone for not feeling happy or positive
    • Avoiding your own emotions that you label negative – for you to see negativity in someone else you must recognise it in yourself otherwise how would you know?
    • Hiding how you truly feel about something

    What happens as a result of toxic positivity?

    People feel ashamed of their emotions and feel invalidated.

    When you are overly positivity and pushing positivity on someone else it can seem insincere to the other person.

    They don’t want to be and show their true selves so they become inauthentic, hiding or creating a persona to the world.

    This can lead to surprising emotions which leads to increased stress in the body which can sometimes even be stored energetically in the body.

    Additionally when we aren’t able to feel our feelings it prevents us from growing. It can keep us stuck in hurt, pain and anxiety. 

    Challenging feelings can ultimately lead to greater growth because we learn from them.

    How to avoid being a source of toxic positivity?

    Be aware and conscious with your language.

    For example instead of saying “you’ll get over it” you can say something along the lines of “It sounds like you’re going through a tough time. I believe in you”. 

    Can you feel the difference in the energy there?

    Substitute “don’t be so negative” to “it’s okay to not be okay sometimes.”

    “Think happy thoughts” becomes “I love you and I am here for you.”

    “It could be worse” to “Life has its ups and downs. How can I best support you?”

    “You shouldn’t feel bad or negative” to “We experience a full spectrum of emotions in life and that’s okay.”

    The influence of social media on toxic positivity

    I would also add to this to remember about celebrities, pop culture and social media that is isn’t 110% real. Most of what we see online is someone’s highlights reel which is carefully curated. It’s not reality and ironically reality TV isn’t real either.

    I’m sure you can relate, I’ve definitely been hurting after a break up and posting photos and stories looking all happy when deep down I was sad.

    Perhaps you’re going through a hard time and post throwback photos or stalk an ex or someone you used to date when really you are nostalgic for past happier times.

    What if I’m the negative person?

    We have all and will continue to experience negativity in our lives. It doesn’t make you a negative person it makes you a human experiencing negativity.

    If the negativity is overwhelming reach out to your doctor, a mental health expert or even a life coach such as myself. I work with many clients to get them unstuck and out of their negative self talk.

    My tips are:

    Allow yourself to be negative because you are human. Bring awareness to your emotions. What is the negativity label about an experience, circumstance or person in your life revealing to you?

    It’s okay to feel a mix of emotions again we aren’t robots set to one default emotion. You can be happy and sad at the same time.

    Episode closing Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang 26: Toxic Positivity

    The goal isn’t to be happy and positive all the time. It’s to be strong and in your power knowing that no matter what happens in life you will be ok and you can handle it!

    Let’s keep the conversation going on mental health to break the stigma and raise more awareness of how important mental health is.

    Until next Tuesday, love and positivity. 

    [Episode 26 – Toxic Positivity Outro]

    Are you wanting to find out more about 1:1 Coaching or working with me? Maybe perhaps you want to know more about me. I’d love to connect with you. You can visit my website or connect with me on Instagram @thephidang. Speak to you soon.

    Click here to read more

  • 25: Vulnerability Hangover

    Episode Summary of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 25: Vulnerability Hangover

    Vulnerability. It’s something we are all afraid of. To be fully seen for who we are. So what happens when we muster up all the courage and be vulnerable? In the aftermath and of an exhilarating high comes a vulnerability hangover. Learn more about what a vulnerability hangover is and ways to cope with a vulnerability hangover.

    What you'll learn from this episode

    • What is a vulnerability hangover?
    • Why you feel so anxious about being vulnerable
    • Ways to cope with a vulnerability hangover

    Key Quotes from this Episode

    It’s not to say your vulnerability and bravery aren’t seen or important. It’s just that it’s part of the fabric of life.

    Growth isn't easy but damn it looks good on you!

    You are strong, you can handle a bunch of sensations.

    Featured Resources on the episode

    Show Transcript

    [Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:

    Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.

    Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.

    My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”

    My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.

    Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.

    This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.

    Ready to grow? Let’s grow!

    [Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]

    [Episode 25 – Vulnerability Hangover]

    Vulnerability Hangover Introduction

    Hello beautiful soul! Oh my goodness that full moon in Scorpio was intense wasn’t it? I definitely felt it in my soul and bones as a Scorpio and oh boy that moon delivered.

    This full moon for me was all about being vulnerable and I want to share some beautiful lessons with you.

    Vulnerability of creation

    First of all I am feeling vulnerable but super excited about my first live masterclass ever Manifestation Magic happening this Sunday the 2nd of May! We already have 11 beautiful souls inside, if it’s calling you – it’s not too late to join. The link to join is on my website and Instagram bio.

    Vulnerability of being seen

    Secondly, the moon was all about illuminating light to the shadows and something damn scary happened to me. One of my biggest fears came true. I have a corporate job too and I was so nervous and worried about my boss and team finding out. My head built a story of they are going to think you are weird, it’s very personal information I share in my world etc.

    In fact, I didn’t share it out of my own accord – external events happened beyond my control that led to this.

    When I found out I felt absolutely sick to my stomach in fact I couldn’t sleep. When it was out in the open I realised how it was all a giant mind story. My boss and team were super supportive and loving. I am so happy and appreciative and it taught me a lot about how we create our own suffering by worrying about things and creating stories that are not true.

    Everything happens for a reason - trust and divine timing

    Even though I didn’t choose to let it out, I allowed and trusted in the universe and divine timing. I never question, I genuinely always know that everything happens for a reason and the time it is supposed to. Nothing I do can change the force of the universe.

    Take back your power from fear and anxiety by stepping back.

    Watching the stories unfold and know that the stories aren’t necessarily true – they are a by product and creation of an over active mind.

    Who coined the term vulnerability hangover?

    Now I’m on the other side of this emotional journey feeling what we call a vulnerability hangover. I’m pretty sure the queen and expert of shame and vulnerability Researcher Brené Brown coined the term in her TED talk.

    What is a vulnerability hangover?

    A vulnerability hangover occurs when you are opening yourself up to fully being seen. You are all parts courages, brave and strong. 

    The hangover and flip side of all that is feeling scared and worried about being judged and fully seen for who you truly are.

    This sensation is normal – it can feel unpleasant after the exhilarating high of putting yourself out there after working yourself up to.

    Why do you get a vulnerability hangover?

    So why do we fear being vulnerable and get these vulnerability hangovers?

    This goes back to our ancestors. We are built to survive in tribes. 

    We thrive being connecting and belonging to a group – working together, collaborating. This need to belong is actually primal and raw in nature. 

    Think about your ancestors, if you did not have a tribe, life would be very hard. You would have to fend for yourself, protect yourself, hunt yourself etc.

    When we put ourselves out there we may feel different, weak and exposed or ashamed of who we really are which in your mind threatens your safety (safety being belonging in a group). 

    Fascinating right?

    What to do when you have a vulnerability hangover

    So if you’re nursing a vulnerability hangover what is the best thing to do?

    Feel your feelings

    Feel your feelings.

    Slow down and tune in to how you are feeling in your body.

    For me, I feel tight in the chest and jaw. I feel like cowering my shoulders inwards as a protection and defence mechanism. I feel my heart race. This is all okay!

    When you allow yourself to feel your feelings the move through you. I like to think of emotions moving through me as if I am transparent. If I don’t allow them to, the emotions are unable to move and become solidified and stuck in my energy which can be heavy.

    So be light and transparent. Let your feelings move through you. 

    Get perspective, zoom out of your life

    Another tip for you is to get perspective. Zoom out of your life.

    Reverse Narcissism

    So often we can become a reverse narcissist. So what do I mean by that?

    Well we think the whole world revolves around us and people are always thinking about us, watching us, judging us which they aren’t… I mean think about your life and being – you are probably too busy thinking about yourself, watching yourself, judging yourself. You don’t have time to do it for others!

    How to zoom out of your life

    Zoom out and see this in the light of a bigger picture. 

    It feels like this big massive event like the big bang or something when really, so many events and moments happen every single day in life. 

    It’s not to say your vulnerability and bravery aren’t seen or important. It’s just that it’s part of the fabric of life. 

    When you can zoom out you see that this big event in your life could be a little event in the universe and your network.

    A vulnerability hangover means growth

    When you zoom out you see that vulnerability is helping you grow. 

    To expand your world. 

    You become bigger and braver in the world (yay!). 

    So whilst it feels all dramatic like a soap opera, it’s all okay. It’s part of the many twists and turns in life! 

    You don’t grow when you’re comfortable. You grow when you are uncomfortable.

    Extremely uncomfortable.

    Be kind and compassionate with yourself, growth isn’t easy but damn it looks good on you!

    Purpose and vulnerability hangovers

    When I get a bad case of the vulnerability hangover I think about my purpose.

    Why I share parts of myself and bring them to light?

    For me, it’s to help others. To be vulnerable means to be human. We relate with humans not plastic robots. It’s through vulnerability and sharing we connect.

    The whole reason I started my Instagram and life coaching business was to help others. Even if it was just one person. I always think about that one person who reads my Instagram post, watches an Instagram story or listens to a podcast episode. If what I share helps them and makes them realise they aren’t alone then my job is done!

    The root of a vulnerability hangover

    Perhaps you created something and put it out there in the world to help others or uplift others – that is beautiful.

    Perhaps you shared something you’ve never told anyone and it made you feel better, lighter and freer  – that is beautiful.

    Perhaps you dared to go against the status quo and to speak your truth. That makes you a game changer – that is beautiful.

    Your vulnerability, magnetism, energy and power are all so beautiful.

    The purpose of a vulnerability hangover

    The following quote by Marianne Williamson is on of my favourites that I would love to share with you in light of this:

    “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

    God can be swapped out with Spirit, Universe, Source, One Truth – whatever speaks to your heart and soul.

    Vulnerability Hangover - You are stronger than you think

    On a final note on getting over a vulnerability hangover – don’t forget how strong you are! 

    That you’ve been through much harder and at the end of the day the vulnerability hangover is a bunch of sensations and feelings. 

    You are strong, you can handle a bunch of sensations.

    Episode closing Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang 25: Vulnerability Hangover

    With this all in mind, being vulnerable, open and fully seen I can breathe a sigh of relief. 

    No more hiding, no more anxiety. 

    I’m here on the world stage as me. 

    If I fully embrace and love me, the outside world can’t get to me. Sure I still get the vulnerability hangover but no one can make me feel worse off except me. 

    I stand in my power. 

    Here is to you and your power beautiful soul.

    Until next Tuesday with another episode, love and positivity.

    [Episode 25 – Vulnerability Hangover Outro]

    Are you wanting to find out more about 1:1 Coaching or working with me? Maybe perhaps you want to know more about me. I’d love to connect with you. You can visit my website or connect with me on Instagram @thephidang. Speak to you soon.

    Click here to read more

  • 24: Your Emotional Seasons

    Episode Summary of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 24: Your Emotional Seasons

    Just like the physical weather seasons of Summer, Spring, Autumn and Winter, you too will experience a change in yourself and your emotions. Learn more about your emotional seasons in this episode and allowing the natural flow of life.

    What you'll learn from this episode

    • Your emotional seasons

    Key Quotes from this Episode

    Manifestation isn’t luck, it’s intentional energy and magic.

    What you resist, will persist.

    Just like the physical seasons of weather, Summer, Spring, Autumn and Winter so too will you experience that in your life

    Featured Resources on the episode

    Show Transcript

    [Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:

    Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.

    Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.

    My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”

    My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.

    Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.

    This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.

    Ready to grow? Let’s grow!

    [Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]

    [Episode 24 – Your Emotional Seasons]

    Your Emotional Seasons Introduction

    Hi beautiful soul, so happy to be with you right now here in this present moment! It’s been a huge week for me if you’re not following me on Instagram already @thephidang where I shared free nuggets of freedom almost daily, I have officially launched Manifestation Magic. Woohoo there’s been such a big build up and I’m soooo happy to be able to share it with you.

    Manifestation Magic

    I have been experiencing such alignment and flow when it comes to manifesting. I’ve manifested my boyfriend, a home by the beach and this year I manifested $10,000 already, discounted gym memberships, hotel upgrades, free food – you name it!

    I wanted to share the magic of manifestation with you because when it comes to manifestation people just label it as oh you’re lucky or that couldn’t happen for me but this is furthest from the truth. Manifestation isn’t luck, it’s intentional energy and magic. I wanted to debunk manifestation for everyone at a really accessible price point (literally less than one third of what you would pay for a 1 hour intensive coaching session with me!) 

    If you’re interested DM me or check out the link in my Instagram bio to learn more. The class is on the 2nd of May and the price will go up for the replay so get in now if it feels juicy and expansive for you.

    Click here to join Manifestation Magic!

    The inspiration for your emotional seasons

    On to today’s episode which was inspired by the launch journey of Manifestation Magic (which already has 10 beautiful souls inside!). I felt so much Spring and Summer launching, so much energy, flow and buzz. Afterwards we can peter out a bit and come into Autumn very much like Sydney is where it’s slowing down and transitioning.

    Coming off the pill

    So they key here is that just like the physical seasons of weather, Summer, Spring, Autumn and Winter so too will you experience that in your life. This also very much came to me as I revealed I am going on a personal journey of coming off the pill because I want to be more inside and in tune with my body. It’s a personal decision, there is no right or wrong either way but I wanted to share this with you because if it helps one person I’ve done my job.

    When I was looking it up I couldn’t find much with real people no sponsors or anything so I wanted to play my part in the collective.

    Flowing with life and your emotional seasons

    So with these seasons it can impact and influence all areas of your life: how you feel, your job and career, relationships, friendships, physical activity, what you eat and so forth.

    It’s about being open and allowing the energy of the seasons to move through us. To not judge and label ourselves for example if you’re in a Winter season – don’t push yourself too hard and force yourself to hustle and do, do, do. Winter is about rest. About taking stock. Slowing down. Nourishing. 

    These seasons in our life Summer, Winter, Autumn and Spring help to anchor and ground us here in the present moment, the only tru moment. Without each season we can’t fully appreciate and experience life. Imagine living in Summer all year long, that would be quite frankly tiring and boring – one hint of Winter and you’ll be shook!

    Allowing the seasons of your emotions

    All seasons and the feelings and emotions you will experience are all valid in their own right. No one feeling or experience is more worthy or ‘good’ as the other. 

    Let them move through you because truly what you resist will persist. 

    What you resist will persist. 

    Life is about flow and allowing the change of seasons. 

    Imagine you physically tried to stop Autumn and all the leavings falling? The cooler weather?

    Impossible no matter how much you tried, so why do the same to your emotions?

    Physical seasons and their impact on your emotions

    It’s also keeping in mind how the physical seasons can influence your mood. It’s much easier to be joyful in the sunshine vs experiencing consistent cool and cold weather when there is less daylight. 

    It’s a proven thing, check out seasonal depression – it truly happens! 

    Physical seasons and their natural changes

    With the seasons we also acknowledge just because its Summer it doesn’t mean it won’t rain and just because it’s Winter doesn’t mean there will be the occasional hot day just like your emotions! 

    Open and fluid. 

    Open and fluid. 

    Are you open to this moment here right now?

    Episode closing Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang 24: Your emotional seasons

    Enjoy the changing seasons, embrace them. This is life, the flow, the fall, the transition, the changes… soak up each and every moment with wonder and bliss beautiful soul.

    I hope you have a wonderful day, until next Tuesday – love and positivity. 

    Click here to read more

  • 23: Aries Energy, New Beginnings

    Episode Summary of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 23: Aries Energy, New Beginnings

    This podcast episode is all about helping you tap into the new moon energy of April 2021 which is in Aries. Aries is first in the zodiac and a fire sign which signals the perfect time for new beginnings, initiation and awakening. 

    What you'll learn from this episode

    • What the new moon in Aries in April 2021 means
    • How you can use the energy of the new moon in Aries in April 2021
    • Free journal prompts for the Aries New Moon in April 2021

    Key Quotes from this Episode

    Aries is ruled by Mars bringing an explosive energy of passion, fuel, fire and bravery.

    Can you bring more clarity and focus into your life? What do you truly want, not what you think you should want or have. What do YOU want?

    How can you be more bold in your life?

    Featured Resources on the episode

    Show Transcript

    [Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:

    Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.

    Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.

    My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”

    My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.

    Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.

    This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.

    Ready to grow? Let’s grow!

    [Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]

    [Episode 23 – Aries Energy, New Beginnings: Begins]

    Aries Energy, New Beginnings Introduction

    Aries is the first sign of the zodiac. Given it kicks off the zodiac the energy of this time and moment is fresh starts, new beginnings, renewal, awakening initiation, it is so powerful. Aries is ruled by Mars bringing an explosive energy of passion, fuel, fire and bravery. That hot blood is coursing and pumping to your veins beautiful soul! 

    My life and Aries New Moon energy

    Speaking of how Aries has come into my life it’s all about awakening for me. If you follow me on Instagram you would know the past full moon was very heavy and draining for me so I retreated. I took a week off my business and posting regularly on Instagram. It was so needed.

    Coming soon: A live manifestation masterclass

    Here I am for the new moon and will be launching in the next few days a live manifestation class which I am SO excited about. 9 of you beautiful souls are already in and I appreciate each and every single one of you.

    This masterclass is going to be so juicy and incredible. It’s all about starting! Start manifesting. Start magnetising all you desire. If you can’t wait until I launch it DM me because I’ll put you on the waitlist for when I launch likely this Thursday or Friday.

    I’m so excited because it’s the first time I’m adding a new service to my business enabling me to work with more of you beautiful souls at an accessible investment point. As you know I already offer so much free juicy gems here on the podcast and on my Instagram. I wanted something for a step up for those ready to invest in themselves and get into my world.

    For my beautiful 1:1 clients they automatically get access to what I work on and that’s for you if you’re truly ready to stop playing small. To get unstuck and show yourself, the universe that you are ready to step into your highest power of expansion. To be joyful, happy, at peace, strong and confident. Speaking of which, April and Aries season is a great time to start 1:1 coaching with this momentum of fire and zest so if you’re interested please get in touch! 

    Aries New Moon: New Beginnings

    Coming back to Aries season, it is one of the best times to plant seeds for whatever you desire. To start. To begin. It’s about making things happening.

    Aries encourages us to be fully in the present moment. To give ourselves to it, to us, to life itself. To trust ourselves – the intuition and feelings that arise in our body. To trust our impulses and desires. To come back home to ourselves – our pure, raw, unedited self. 

    In true Aries form, grab life by the horns and get in and amongst life. Have that fire in your belly. That spicy zest for life. Aries is a fire sign! 

    Aries New Moon: Inspired Action

    For those who have been feeling stuck again this energy is here to help you get stuck. To take inspired action. Inspired action is something I will discuss more indepth in my live manifestation class but essentially the energy of where you are coming from truly counts when it comes to taking action. A place of inspiration and happiness vs the icky should and must… 

    What to watch out for in the Aries New Moon

    So what further to note about this energy? Well Aries is fiery so watch out for any impulses, tune in and see if it’s truly what you want. The fire can also involve our ego so watch out for your mind.

    A part of this energy is the truth and confrontation right which makes sense Aries is a Ram. Are you being honest with yourself and others?

    Are you truly going after what you want?

    Are you growing as a person and working on yourself?

    It’s a beautiful time to gain more clarity and understanding of yourself.

    Free journal prompts Aries New Moon April 2021

    I wanted to bring this episode to a close with some practical ways to utilise this fiery energy. Here are some questions for you to think about or even journal about if you so wish.

    What are you hoping to start or begin?

    What are your passions? How do you tap into them? How do you bring them into your every day life?

    What do you want to start?

    What do you want to work on personally for yourself?

    Where can you start making your dreams come true?

    Can you bring more clarity and focus into your life? What do you truly want, not what you think you should want or have. What do YOU want?

    How can you be more bold in your life?

    What can you spark to life? 

    Episode closing Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang 23: Aries Energy, New Beginnings

    The next new moon will be in the sign of Taurus. Signing off today’s episode! I’ll speak to you next Tuesday beautiful soul. Until then, love and positivity.

    Click here to read more

  • 22: Possibility

    Episode Summary of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 22: Possibility

    This is a short, sweet, punchy episode on all about possibility. It’s inspiring, it’s motivating, it is uplifting. There is SO much possibility in your life. Be open to all the ways every single possibility can be unlocked, opened and received in your life.

    What you'll learn from this episode

    • The power and magic of possibility
    • What your mind does to possibility and how it keeps you small, scared and stuck
    • Your life, the universe is like a candy store!! So fun
    • Breaking free from the stuck energetics of your mind

    Key Quotes from this Episode

    There is infinite possibility in this world, in this universe yet our mind likes to keep us stuck, scared and small.

    Your mind is designed to help you survive, not to be happy.

    You are made of the freaking stars, of everything in this universe.

    Featured Resources on the episode

    Show Transcript

    [Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:

    Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.

    Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.

    My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”

    My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.

    Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.

    This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.

    Ready to grow? Let’s grow!

    [Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]

    [Episode 22 – Possibility: Begins]

    Possibility Introduction

    Hello beautiful souls!

    I hope you had a wonderful Easter break – goodness I am so tired but I had the best weekend.

    The sun was shining. I got to see and catch up with a lot of friends, soak in the sunshine, ocean swims, fairy floss sunsets it was so beautiful.

    Unexpectedly I had a visit from a friend Lisa who I met in my coaches current program Art of Alignment and oh my goodness it was a pleasure to meet Lisa in person and she’s really inspired this podcast episode which is all about possibility.

    Your mind and possibility

    Juicy juicy possibility!!!

    I love possibility.

    There is infinite possibility in this world, in this universe yet our mind likes to keep us stuck, scared and small.

    Your mind is designed to help you survive, not to be happy.

    Yes, mind freaking blown.

    Your mind is designed to help you survive, not to be happy.

    I’ll let that sink in.

    Your mind wants to protect you so that you don’t take risks but it keeps you small.

    Small, scared and stuck

    Where are you currently feeling stuck, small and scared in your life?

    Where can you let in space, for expansion, for growth?

    This lifetime is like being a kid in the candy store.

    So many different possibilities. Flavours, types, colours.

    Where do you have blinders on in your life that you cant see all the possibilities.

    Can you ask yourself where you can let in more? 

    To awaken to more options, ways of doing things.

    Moving with the universe and possibility

    The universe is always supporting you and expanding you.

    Knowing this, how do you move in the world? How do you feel? How do you act?

    I get so excited thinking about possibilities and my life. My clients and their possibility!

    Like oooooh what if this happens or ooooh it didn’t happen but maybe life has something even better in stall for me, for my clients.

    Something more juicy. More expansive. More fun.

    So really I’m telling you, the world is your oyster.

    The world is your oyster

    The world is always giving you signals, invitations.

    The thing is are you open?

    Are you open to receiving the signs, the invitations, the manifestations?

    Upcoming manifestation masterclass

    Speaking of, I am in the flow and working on my new juicy manifestation masterclass in the background which I will be launching at the end of next week. Super exciting.

    If you’re interested I will have early bird pricing which will mean it is at it’s most accessible right now until I launch it wooo wooooo! If you’re interested get in touch my loves and I’ll send you the link.

    Possibility Inspiration

    A short and sweet episode today.

    Let it marinade.

    Bask in all your possibilities.

    Stop playing small and break your big game.

    Show yourself and the universe what you’re made of, what you’re capable of you beautiful soul.

    You are made of the freaking stars, of everything in this universe.

    You’re the ocean, stars, blood all in one.

    You are magic.

    You have so much potential and possibility.

    The world can’t wait to see and I can’t wait to see too… 

    Episode closing Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang 22: Possibility

    Until next Tuesday beautiful soul, love and possibility. 

    Haha how funny it just  came out like that! 

    Love and positivity.  

    Click here to read more

  • 21: My First Float Tank Experience

    Episode Summary of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 21: My First Float Tank Experience

    I experienced a float tank for the first time at Bondi Junction Massage and Float Centre thanks to a gift from a 1:1 client J. Learn all about my experience as a first timer! What it was like being a float tank. How did it feel to be in a float tank. What happened in a float tank. What I learnt in a float tank.

    What you'll learn from this episode

    • What is a float tank and what are the benefits?
    • What it feels like to be in a float tank
    • My first reaction to being in a float tank
    • What happens in a float tank
    • My key learnings and insights from my experience in a float tank

    Key Quotes from this Episode

    We are meant to be balanced energetically. Like the Goldilocks tale, not too hot, not too cold… just right.

    This float made me realise yeah I am just a soul and I get it I’m not my body or mind, I am this soul, this energy and presence behind it all but damn I love that my soul has this opportunity to be here on earth having a human experience.

    In the ocean I feel electricity, magic, the life beneath me...

    Featured Resources on the episode

    The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 21: My First Float Tank Experience

    You are listening to Episode 21 of the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang: My First Float Tank Experience.

    [Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:

    Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.

    Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.

    My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”

    My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.

    Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.

    This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.

    Ready to grow? Let’s grow!

    [Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]

    [Episode 21 – My First Float Tank Experience]

    My First Float Tank Experience Introduction

    Hello beautiful souls, Happy Tuesday! I’m actually recording this on a Monday and I have to say I feel so much lighter. The last week has been heavy and I really felt the presence of that big full moon. From talking some of you and my clients we are all on the same page, oh boy that moon was heavy.

    Resting and Productivity Guilt

    I’m coming out on the other side lighter, feeling more free, shifting energies. It was the first time since I started my business I took a week off posting. I felt myself judging myself. 

    How can you take time off your business, you don’t have staff right now so if you do, who is doing the business? 

    If you’re not posting on Instagram how will you meet new clients? You should be channeling your manifestation class you said you were going to do.

    Working with me - package investments

    I also recently changed my packages, I upped the investments so if you’re interested in working with me my minimum package is 3 months for $3,000 and that felt so right.

     Having less clients which means I have more energy and space for the clients I do have. Being able to fully support them in between sessions and giving them my energy in our calls.

    Judging myself

    Despite this realisation and all of that – Yep, I felt really heavy on the self judgement. Feeling ashamed because I felt like leaning back, being in flow with my feminine energy.

     Stepping back it made me realise how much I’ve been operating in my masculine: hustle, hustle, hustle, plan, plan, plan, organise, organise, organise, control, control, control. It is so tiring. 

    We are meant to be balanced energetically. Like the Goldilocks tale, not too hot, not too cold… just right. Not too masculine hustle control, not too much feminine flow, just right. Each person’s right will be different for them.

    Walking the walk, talking the talk

    It made me take a step back and reveal the path that I don’t just talk the talk, I need to walk the walk. I am a huge advocate with my clients and community on how important it is to rest because resting is being productive. 

    Allowing yourself to disconnect, to retreat, to recharge. It’s so important especially as I learn more about human design. I’m a manifesting generator so energetically I’m truly built for what lights me up, that gives me soooo much energy like coaching clients and sometimes it means I notice what dims my light and burns me out which is posting on Instagram every single day whilst balancing a full time job too. 

    It’s way too much! Stepping outside of my business I realised, in my full time corporate role I don’t just work, work, work, I also take breaks – so why wouldn’t I do the same for my own business?

    Human Design Readings by Phi Dang

    Speaking of human design I’ve started doing a few readings for my 1:1 clients and community and the reception has been amazing. I’m hearing things like that is so me, scarily accurate and it’s so exciting. I’m not openly offering readings yet but you heard it here, if you’re interested DM me and let’s work something out together!

    Personal life update

    Human design aside, I’m so excited as I have a few interstate trips coming up and I can’t wait to rest, play and nourish even more. 

    Doing the script for this podcast, I just had an ocean swim, did some grounding walking barefoot on the grass and here I am in the sun in my bikini typing away. 

    Pure bliss and joy! Being in the ocean gives me pure joy and this quote perfectly embodies how I feel:

    "You are not a drop in the ocean, you are the ocean in an entire drop”

    What is a float tank experience?

    So this finally leads me into sharing my first experience with a float tank, also known as a sensory deprivation tank. Thank you to my beautiful client J, for gifting me with this rare, one of a kind gift.

    Essentially you get in a self enclosed pod where there is no light and you are completely naked floating in water with a tonne of epsom salt. 

    The epsom salt creates such salinity in the water you effortlessly float, no effort required. You’re in the pod for an hour and it’s silent. 

    What are the benefits of a float tank experience?

    It supposedly helps reduce anxiety and stress, create calmness and prompt creative downloads. 

    Some people even have out of body experiences and hallucinate! 

    Go in with an open mind and no expectations is my advice. Be open! Experience it for yourself.

    My first initial reaction to the float tank experience: panic

    So picture this. No visual stimulation. No audio stimulation. No sensory stimulation. It’s just you.

    So I’m still processing it all but wanted to share what came up with you so far.

    At first I absolutely panicked. I should share with you I used to be claustrophobic and I still don’t enjoy small spaces. The thing is it’s not super tight like you have enough space to put your hand up and still not touch the top of the pod. What got me was my mind.

    At first I felt myself hearing the stories oh my goodness what are you doing, you’re going to be trapped what if you can’t breathe and die. Lol yeah my mind went there. 

    As a result I was flailing about, I ingested the water which tasted disgusting and I got this super salty water in my eye it stung (but not as much as that freak accident I had at home where I squired hand sanitiser into my eye now that was OUCH).

    Float tank experience: Mind stories

    So really my mind and it stories made me panic. 

    As I noticed that it dissipated into peace and calm. 

    Then it would come up in a different way particularly the air. 

    Maybe it was the place I was in but there was no fresh air just my air circulating in this pod and it felt heavy. 

    I found it really hard. I felt so trapped and identified with my mind. 

    Then I would have moments where I completely melted and became one with the soft, silky water. Where is my hand. Where is my foot. Oh I just am. 

    Float tank experience: Journey from the mind to the body

    I’ve been on this journey of really getting back into my body after being so identified with my mind and masculine energy for so long. 

    This float made me realise yeah I am just a soul and I get it I’m not my body or mind, I am this soul, this energy and presence behind it all but damn I love that my soul has this opportunity to be here on earth having a human experience. 

    I get to truly feel so much. I craved the wild ocean. 

    In a float tank it felt sterile, forced and it was pure quiet. 

    In the ocean I feel electricity, magic, the life beneath me and contained in the water – the water itself, small fish, seaweed, micro-plankton who knows what else is in there.

     The subtle white noise when I float on my back. 

    Feeling myself rock back and forth as I lie on top of the waves of the ocean.

    Float tank experience: I feel so alive!


    Thank you thank you. Of course the universe sends me a message when I saw on a post by a beautiful soul I look up to Kathrin Zenkina who you may know as manifestation babe and she spoke about how crazy it is that all of us our souls if you believe in that chose to be here in 2020 and 2021 when there has never been such a heavy energy. 

    We are here to be the light. It be resilient. To love one another through these crazy times of a global pandemic, floods, bushfires, racial tensions, horrible mass murders. How bad ass are we? Love.

    Would I do a float tank experience again?

    As for float tanks, I’m sure I will be back no doubt and have a completely new experience for that I can’t wait. 

    What's coming up in the world of life coaching?

    As for what is coming up I am out of hibernation and will be working on a manifestation masterclass which is an accessible access point to working with me, I’ll be releasing early bird, pre sale pricing before landing on it’s final price which I am vibing at $111 currently. Who knows it might change. 

    This is the most accessible I have been for a while so if you’re interested please DM so I can put you not the waitlist with other beautiful souls. I can’t wait for us to all be inside this juicy masterclass to do with all things manifestation basics and making manifestation work for you. 

    My 1:1 coaching availability

    As mentioned my investments for coaching continue to rise base on demand and I am only one soul. I only take 1:1 clients who I believe I can help and give my energy and space to.

     If you’ve been thinking about it or on the fence and feeling called, now is the right time to get in as I will increase the investment again but who knows when. DM me, and let’s see if we are a match!

    The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 21: My First Float Tank Experience Close

    Have a lovely week beautiful soul, speak to you next Tuesday. Love and Positivity. 

    [Episode 21 – My First Float Tank Experience Outro]

    Are you wanting to find out more about 1:1 Coaching or working with me? Maybe perhaps you want to know more about me. I’d love to connect with you. You can visit my website or connect with me on Instagram @thephidang. Speak to you soon.

    Click here to read more

  • 20: TJ Shana

    Episode Summary of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 20: TJ Shana

    The first guest ever on the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, is TJ Shana

    TJ is a personal growth champion. He is all about inspiration and motivation to help you take the first step towards being your best self.

    What you'll learn from this episode

    • How TJ Shana manifested this collaboration opportunity with me! 
    • TJ Shana on what has made him grow through life – loss and death​ particularly an insight into Zimbabwean culture and sayings.
    • TJ Shana on his mission to help people take the first step to being their best selves
    • TJ Shana on experiencing depression​
    • TJ Shana on grief and his journey with grief
    • TJ Shana on feeling your emotions and men’s mental health
    • TJ Shana on how to best support someone going through a tough time​
    • TJ Shana on manifestation, law of attraction, spirituality and energy 
    • TJ Shana on how he came from Zimbabwe to Australia​
    • TJ Shana on staying connected to his family overseas
    • TJ Shana on what COVID-19 has taught him
    • TJ Shana’s favourite books
    • TJ Shana’s thoughts on motivation
    • TJ Shana on self love for males and how he gives himself love
    • TJ Shana shares the best advice he was given

    Key Quotes from this Episode

    Energy knows no bounds

    One of the things that drives me is the fact that I am going to die.

    Your emotional life is like a house.

    Featured Resources on the episode

    The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 20: TJ Shana

    Please note the following transcript was automatically generated.

    [Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:

    Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.

    Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.

    My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”

    My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.

    Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.

    This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.

    Ready to grow? Let’s grow!

    [Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]

    [Episode 20 – TJ Shana Begins]

    An introduction to TJ Shana

    Phi: Hi, beautiful souls. It’s so good to see you again. Well I mean hear you again. Or you can hear me. Today, as I mentioned on the last episode of the growth or podcast, I have a very special guest with me. His name is TJ. He’s the first guest ever on this podcast. I have been dying for him to come on. He is so awesome.

    We actually crossed paths on Instagram. When I saw his posts, they really resonated with me. He is such a beautiful human with such a beautiful soul. I can’t wait for you guys to get to know him and I’m still getting to know him. I think he’s awesome. So I’m going to bring him on, so please everybody welcome TJ.

    He is known for helping you take your first step in the path to self-growth. He’s a personal growth champion, TJ, thank you so much for coming on the podcast. 

    TJ: Hey, how you doing? Thank you for having me. Thank you so much for having me. 

    TJ Shana on manifesting this collaboration opportunity

    Phi: I’m happy to, we had such a good Instagram live and TJ shared this really funny story because I’ve been talking about manifesting and I wanted to hear it from TJ. Could you please share that story about how you came across me and working with me. Cause I think it’s just such a cute and funny story. 

    TJ: Here’s the thing it’s weird, right? Like the world, the world works in weird ways. Um, the first ever time that I saw, um, any of your posts, I don’t even remember what the post was, to be honest.

    I remember how it felt and that’s that, you know, you know how we hear a lot of people say, people don’t care as much how, what you do as opposed to how you make them feel. That was me in that moment. I remember how I felt and I remember thinking to myself, I’m like, you know what, she’s going to be my friend, number one, number two, I’m going to collaborate with her.

    And, you know, I’m, you know, I’m just going to feed as much, um, feed from her energy as much as possible because, you know, I, I really, really did feel your energy and. This was, this is way before, you know, we started talking and it just, it just happened very organically. And I’m very, very thankful. I think that’s one of the reasons why I’m always so excited.

    Um, not only about your posts and listening to your podcasts, but I was also very excited about being here because this is literally, you know,

    Phi: Here it is, it is a testament to you. Thank you so much for your kind words. It’s so true. I agree with you. You never can remember things, but you’re always remember how you feel. And I think the great thing is when I see your posts, I get very inspired to create my own content. I feed off your energy and it makes sense.

    Phi Dang x TJ Shana Instagram Live on Self Love

    TJ Shana on what has made him grow through life - loss and death

    Phi: We’re such energetic beings. So I would love for you to share with everyone, on the podcast: a bit more about yourself and, as you know, the name of the podcast is the Growth Through It Podcast. perhaps some experiences that have really happened in your life that have made you grow and become who you are today right now.

    TJ: Okay. Um, I think the biggest thing that had a huge impact on my life was firstly, the, the debt, the, you know, the passing on of my dad, that’s when it was involved. Six years old and you know, being kids, you don’t understand it. You don’t understand what’s going on. And in my culture, Um, I grew up in Zimbabwe and our culture.

    We don’t show a lot of emotions, particularly men, ladies it’s okay for them. But for us men, we are told to be strong. We are told to suck it up and just move on with life. And so this, this is, you know, this is what happened in the, I just had to internalize it. Be strong for, um, for my mom and my younger brother, cause my mom wasn’t dealing with it very well.

    So I had to, as a kid, try to, you know, be a comfort and, you know, be there for my younger brother as well, who did not understand what was going on. So that had a very big, big impact in shaping how, um, how I function, how I interact with the people it’s. Uh, you know, affected how I see life as well. And, you know, the second biggest thing that affected my life was  my mom two years ago.

    And so now you see that, you know, dealt with grief from two very different angles, one as a kid and one as an adult and as a very two very different things. And. You know, I felt a lot of guilt about that because when my mom passed away, I hadn’t seen it in close to like 10 years. And there’s lots of stuff that we hadn’t resolved.

    We were meaning to resolve it when I was going to fly over to South Africa and see her. But she passed on before I had the opportunity to get there. So there is so much that was just placed on me. Yeah. And I was like, Oh, you know, oldest pain, all this, um, grief. And I didn’t know what to do with it. And so that’s one of the reasons why I, um, you know, started the, you know, the Instagram page because I was using it as an outlet because one of the things I believe sometimes in order to receive, you need to give.

    TJ Shana on what has made him grow through life - having experienced depression

    TJ: I’m hoping other people and, you know, you know, as a result, it comes back to me, you know, sewing and reaping. So that’s one of the biggest reasons why I started the page. Another reason why I started the page is, you know, I I’ve experienced depression in my life as well, about six years ago. And you know, I got out of that then God, but someone else does it have, um, the.

    The restraints who go through what they’re going through and they just need someone to help them out. And that’s the reason why I am such a big believer in helping people take the first step, because the first step for a lot of people is the most important step. It’s it’s make or break. Some people fail to take the first step and then it leads to very, very bad situation.

    So for me, I’m all about the first step and then point people in the right direction. Like, Hey, you know, uh, Is content from this creator or this book, or, you know, I believe in pointing people in the right direction. I’m just a signpost. So that’s my question. I love that TJ sign price is so important because people are looking for that.

    TJ Shana on what has made him grow through life - grief

    Phi: And I love that you turned your experiences to help others. I think that’s such an amazing thing that you do and give people that first step, because it is the hardest. So if anyone’s listening. The first step is always the hardest, but it’s so rewarding and there’s people out there that can help you.

    And I think one thing that really connects us together is experiencing grief, right? We, I mean, you’ve lost both. I’ve lost my dad and you’re actually wow. You know, having that experience as a kid and as an adult, I would love for you. Um, if you feel comfortable to kind of share maybe like two things that you really learned from your experiences with grief.

    TJ: I think that the first thing is it’s important to feel what you need to feel. Right? Grief, grief is different for different people. Um, that we have a saying in and back home where, where we say, um, and I’m translating it roughly hope it translates properly into English, but we say, uh, grief has no.

    Practice match. You cannot practice a quiz before you actually got through. And it’s one of those things it’s going to be, you know, it’s going to be very different for everyone. Some people are going to experience anger. Some people are gonna experience guilt. Some people are going to experience intense sorrow, but that being said, when you allow yourself to feel that also remind yourself that it’s also important to.

    To grow through it as the name of the podcast is, you know, I’m a very big believer in that because I have seen, um, I have seeing the effects of not breathing properly, um, to my mom. My mom was a great month, phenomenal woman, you know, she’s a very strong woman, but one of the things that really affected my younger brother and I was, she.

    Her grief, uh, stopped her from being able to. Be in the moment with us as her children, you know, and, you know, I, I believe maybe just because, you know, she didn’t have, you know, as a mini, as much of a support system or she didn’t have, you know, some of the right tools, but there are people out there that can help.

    If you are going through grief, be willing to accept, help from other people. It’s not your journey alone to go through you. Um, it’s, it’s a shared experience so that those are some of the things that I’ve learned through the grief. Yeah, thank you so much. I really felt the emotion and the loving saying and what you were saying.

    Phi: And I think that, yes, you’re not alone, like even us, right? Like we have a shared experience and I’m showing you went through is I felt like I was alone. I’m like, no one knows what it feels like, but they do. And they’ll always be connection points with people, whether that’s grief or something else, like soccer or food or something, there’s always something to connect us.

    TJ Shana on feeling your emotions, men's mental health

    Phi: And I kind of want to. Pull some pieces of what you said together, especially when it comes to feel your emotions. I agree with you. You have to feel them. And I wanted to get your perspective as a man, because I know, you know, I’m very passionate about men’s mental health as well. And I’d love to hear your perspective on men’s mental health and what you kind of have to say around the topic.

    TJ: Men’s mental health, um, men as men, we’re very simple creatures and yet very complex as well. Uh, in the sense that, because we are. Society has trained us to internalize everything and I’m still on this journey. So I’m, I wouldn’t say I’m an expert. I am, I’m also learning. Um, but one of the things that I’ve noticed is that as men, we need to be more willing to open up, you know, um, what we, the things that we deem as weakness, aren’t really weakness.

    Sometimes it’s okay to cry sometimes it’s okay to feel. A type of way, you know, and a lot of, a lot of us men are dealing with stuff and, you know, we don’t speak out and it results in so much, um, so much, uh, Pain. I don’t know, not only in pain, but we acted out, we use the oldies, bring these mechanisms that aren’t that healthy.

    You know, you find, um, some guys ended up, you know, uh, indulging in too much alcohol or promiscuity and all of that things because we are trying to find a way to heal and we just don’t know how to, you know, how to do it. So I think that, you know, as men need to learn to open up and as a society, we need to get to a point where we allow men to say their stories, you know, and remove that stigma that comes with, um, allowing yourself to be vulnerable.

    TJ Shana on how to best support someone going through a tough time

    Phi: I agree with you. I think it’s really important to fight the stigma for men, for everyone really, but in particular men with all the alarming suicide rates out there, and I wanted to get your perspective, you know, how do you best support someone, whether it’s a man or a woman or somebody, you know, that you feel like they’re going through a tough time?What advice would you give them? 

    TJ: I think the first thing before we even get to the advice is. Making them feel heard. That’s one of the biggest, um, challenges that for us, men that we experience is that when we, because it takes a lot to get to the point where you actually say what’s on your heart, but.

    Feeling heard, feeling heard. It’s going to make the difference between between going forward with being vulnerable or closing that cup because closing that cup is more comfortable for most guys. Right. So I think feeling heard is the most important part. So for me personally, when I am, when I’m speaking to someone, I think the first thing that I’ll do is, you know, Make them know that this is a safe environment and my energy has to match that and say, you know what?

    We are here to help each other. It’s a journey. It’s okay for you to go through what you’re going through, um, and actually wants to be better and feel, you know, so I think that’s the first thing. And then the second thing is that, um, I think it’s important to, to let it all out. You know, um, identify, I, I spoke, uh, when you’re alive, just now I, we talked about, um, we talked about a house, how your life would be emotional life is like a house where you’ve got all these closed rooms and sometimes you can’t open these rooms.

    You don’t seem to have the keys to these rooms. A lot of the times what happens is that we live in these houses, these emotional houses that. Uh, dirty and be crying over that spilt milk. We cry over that trauma, but we’re not taking the initiative to clean up that mess, you know? And I think the thing about it is when you open up and when you let it all out, you start, you’re going through the process of cleaning out that whole mess.

    And I think it’s important to, you know, just. You know, allow yourself to let it all out. Even the things that you think are uncomfortable, even things that you feel are, um, uh, embarrassing or shameful, it’s important to let it all out. And then the healing can start from there, you know? Yeah, I love that you brought that up.

    Phi: I was actually going to ask you to share that analogy cause we really bounced off that in the Instagram live and it was kind of like what the book I was telling you about how trauma is stored in your body and running on your analogy about the house. Like yes. Maybe you didn’t cause the room to be closed because most often it’s like programming or based on your upbringing, but you always have the monster cage.

    It’s up to you, whether you want to open the door, you know, tidy it up or whatever, you have so much more power than you think. And I thought it was really interesting that you mentioned that you kind of want it to be an energy match when you are listening to somebody to make sure that they are heard.

    TJ Shana on manifestation, law of attraction and energy

    Phi: And I’d love to, um, get your take on it because I’m quite a spiritual being. I think people say I’m in the “woo”, cause I really love energy and it’s one of those things people can’t explain sometimes. So I would love to know your perspective on energy and things like that. You know, like whether it’s manifestation law of attraction, feeling other people’s energies, what’s your tech TJ.

    TJ: Okay. Um, I’m also a very spiritual person. Um, And the, one of the things I believe about energy, energy knows no bounds. I was thinking about this. Um, I think last week when we discussed, you know, coming on the podcast, I was thinking about how I was just reflecting on how. I thought about this. I was like, you know what, I’m going to be on live with fi and we’re going to have a good time.

    We’re going to vibe. This is before we actually, you know, we actually discussed that. And the reason why I was thinking about it was like, Oh, okay, I will any of these in Sydney and underplay thousands of miles away, but we. Because the energies are aligned, it’s we connect for some reason, you know? Um, I’m, I’m by no means I’m not an expert on AGS or anything like that, but I do believe that, um, we have the ability to lift up the vibrations in our own lives or within our own surroundings and will affect.

    You know, not only, um, the people around us that can affect someone else that you connected connected from, you know, another part of the world. I also do believe in the law of attraction, uh, scripture calls it the law of faith. You know, I believe it’s just the same thing. Um, because at the end of the day, We have the ability to speak certain things.

    They become. Uh, I was reading a book. Uh, I forget who it is. I’ll tell you. But later on, if I remember, and, um, at the end of the day, because the world is made out of. Vibration and energy. Right? And so when we speak, we are letting out energy. We are, we are creators, we’ve got the ability to create from our mounts.

    And that’s one thing that I’m a very big believer in our speak, certain things. And some, some things have taken years and years and years to manifest, and some things have taken weeks, but at the same time, I believe that it’s all built up, but then that being said, there has to be action that goes along with it, because you can’t say I embody this energy, but the way that you act is really different.

    TJ Shana on how he came from Zimbabwe to Australia

    Phi: So yeah. That’s how it is. Just how I see it. Yeah, I definitely agree with you there. Like that’s what we say is inspired action. You can’t just like wish in a way you kind of have to also compel yourself to do things. And I love what you said about energy having no bounds and, you know, cause you’re in Perth, I’m in Sydney, we’re on the same continent.

    And I mean, I would love for you to share how you came from Zimbabwe and ended up in Perth, Australia?

    TJ: Well, the way I came to it’s weird because that was that’s another. Whole situation with manifesting because what happened was after my dad passed away, one of the one, one, one month, the people that took a father role is my dad’s younger brother.

    And I lived with him for, you know, throughout high school and whatnot. And, you know, he was working in Zimbabwe. Uh, you know, if you are, if you do know about some, about where the economy tax, uh, in the early two thousands, and he was looking for a job. And I remember speaking to him and I was like, Hey, why not try Australia?

    And it’s like, nah, he wasn’t, he wasn’t too keen on that. And. I remember because she didn’t like, I think we went for like two years back and forth about that. And I was like, yeah, why not? Because for some reason in my heart, I felt that, you know, Australia was going to be home at some point because I envisioned it.

    I don’t know how, yeah. It just, it just happened unconsciously. And one day he just found a job. It just all happened. And then I came over with him and the rest is history, you know? So that’s, that’s how I wound up here. 

    Phi: That’s amazing. And I think like something from me, cause I was born in Australia, but I have a Vietnamese Chinese background.

    So I was thinking about like, how do you, how does culture like from Zimbabwe kind of play into your life, do you feel very connected to back home? Do you feel like you’re more Australian? I just always get so curious about other people that have different heritages and ways of life and where they’ve lived.

    I find it so fascinating. 

    TJ: I think it’s weird because one of the ways, how I see I’m more. Uh, I, I do definitely see, uh, Australia and particularly at home. I absolutely love the city. I love the fact that I love where I live because it’s so for the beaches are gorgeous and whatnot, but more so, I think. It’s more about family than everything else.

    I think cause my, one of my biggest values is family and I’ve managed to create a lot of relationships, both here in Australia and back home living. The only person who is in Zimbabwe at the moment is my younger brother, everyone else’s in other parts of the world. Um, but in terms of where I feel rooted because I, because I also do believe in energy, I think that.

    If I’m to move into, go to any part of the world, I think I’d be fine because I somehow feel connected with the people I’m connected to too, if that makes yeah. I love that. No, that makes sense. For sure. Yeah. So for example, like, uh, you and I, you know, we’re friends. Uh, but I feel connected with you. I feel like, you know, we, you know, we get bouncing off each other’s energies.

    Um, I’ve got family in Swazi land. I’ve got family in different parts of the world, but the, it, the people that I’ve got a strong bond with. You know, they, um, they act no matter where, so that’s, I see, that’s so nice and really comforting for those listening, who aren’t in Australia. And it’s very affected by COVID-19, which has kind of happened and all of that.

    And I think that’s so important to take note of, and I wanted to see what your like, kind of learnings have been from the global pandemic and how it’s impacted your life. Well, I think to begin with, um, the biggest symptom to me for, um, with regards to the pandemic is grad student. Firstly, because of the fact that I happened to live in Paris, I’m very lucky to be here.

    And we haven’t had as much of an outbreak as other parts of the world because Pratt is so isolated. The parents, they say we are the biggest, we’re the most isolated big city in the world, you know, so we haven’t experienced much of the shutdowns as compared to other people. And I’m very, very grateful for that.

    Um, but that being said, I think that has, uh, taken away a lot of the things that we, um, a lot of things that really don’t matter as much, um, uh, in terms of, you know, when you get to a point where you are facing or, um, you are polygamous. You are facing a situation where you have to confront your own mortality. A lot of the things that you think matter, don’t matter as much, you know, you realize that, you know, money isn’t as important as we think it is.

    We realize that looking good isn’t as important as it is, realize that family and relationships are actually much higher on the totem pole than, you know, then they should, then, then, you know, then we have been placing them. So, um, I think that that separation from each other has connected a lot of people much more in certain ways, because we’ve realized how important human connection is.

    So for when, when, when the world opens up in different parts of the world, we will appreciate human interaction and people much more. So for those that, um, are, uh, Uh, uh, conscious of that fact, they’ll allow the set themselves to, you know, enjoy the moment when they are interacting with people and not just, you know, be drones out there in the world, you know, it will allow us to connect much more.

    TJ on gratitude and mortality

    Phi: That’s just how it is. Yeah. I love that. And I started, remember you did a poster in Christmas that really inspired me. I think you were talking about how we should be grateful all year round, not just during Christmas. And that really inspired me. And something else I’ll add is when you talked about mortality and it’s like, yeah, it is super confronting.

    Right? I think even people listening to our podcast, it can be confronting because we’ve both experienced grief and death. And one thing I learned from my experience with losing my dad is I’m so grateful to be alive, like gift of life. Like you just think, especially, um, I lost my dad when I was 19. I was like, Oh, like, I didn’t know, people.

    You know, I thought we will live forever, like invincible, especially our parents. And I’m like, what, what do you mean? Like, he didn’t get sick, he ain’t get cancer. And, you know, I was wondering what you kind of like maybe, um, a taker that you got from your experience from your parents or your family. Like what have you kind of learned about whether it’s like mortality or life itself?

    TJ: I know very, very deep question, but something I’m very curious about. Very, very important question in blockchain. An interview by Gary V at some point, um, a few weeks ago. And, and the, the guy asked him, he said, what, what gives you drive every day? And he says, you know how Gary B, he is very blunt to read. One of the things that drives me is the fact that I am going to die.

    Right. And he’s accepted. That fact is accepted the fact that I’m not going to be here forever. So I might as well make the most of. You know, most of the time that I have, and that’s just how I see things as well. Like I have gotten to the point where I’m getting much have been much more, um, I’ve accepted the fact that I’m not going to be here forever.

    And with the time that I have, I have to make sure not only that I enjoy my life, but I impact people as much as possible. You know, I make a positive impact in people’s lives. So that could be, you know, I don’t have to be, um, uh, Nelson Mandela in order to affect people’s guns in order to affect people’s lives, it can be your family.

    You know, it could be your friends, but wherever you go be the kind of person who brings, brings the like Brendon Burchard says, he says, bring the joy. Right? So I haven’t learned to. Embody that to bring the joy, bring that positive energy because I’m not going to be here forever. And if there’s anything that I want to be remembered for, it’s for helping people be better people, you know?

    TJ Shana's favourite books

    Phi: Thank you for sharing that. Cause I know it can be quite. Yeah, personal and things like that. And I want to throw it back because we just did a live. And you asked me my three favourite books. I would like to ask you the question now.

    What are your favorite three books? 

    TJ: Whoa. Okay. Three books that have changed my life three. Okay. I think number one. Rich Dad, Poor Dad. That’s my absolute favourites. Finance book. Um, it has taught me a lot in terms of, you know, even just personal finance. Um, and it’s made me realize that the way I interact with money is more an issue of the mind than the money itself I mind is going to affect, you know, my spending habits, et cetera, et cetera.

    The second, my second favourite book was, Can’t Hurt Me by David Goggins. I don’t know if you’ve read that one. That’s an absolute, if you haven’t, if you haven’t, I suggest you actually get the audio because audio is really, really good. So it talks about all these traumas that she has gone through in his life.

    And this guy is. Uh, he came from a very poor background and he eventually became a mistaken and, you know, he just Rose up through the ranks. He’s faced so much and he has come up much stronger. So that’s that’s number two. And my third favourite book is Atomic Habits. Which I’m using it for the third time.

    And I think the biggest takeaway from that book is the statement that James clear says. He says we don’t rise to the level of our goals before to the level of our systems. Oh, that’s a good one. And that has changed. Like when I heard that for the first time I’m a mind was blown and it’s one of those things that.

    Every single time that I have taken my eyes off the system and put my eye only on the goal, I’ve realized that I don’t succeed as much or I film. But when I focus on the system, I go much, much further. And I think that’s a teaching that a lot more people need to hear about, you know.

    TJ Shana on motivation

    Phi: Can you share a bit more on that and kind of like obviously us being in the spheres of personal development, growth and spirituality, what’s your take on motivation? I think that’s a really hot topic for everybody. 

    TJ: Well, what’s my take on motivation. I think the motivation is I like the way Les Brown puts it.

    He said it could be less Brown or. I’m not sure, but anyway, say, uh, motivation is one of those things that, um, you do you, how does he put it? It’s like taking a bot needs to do it every day. If you, if you stop doing it, if you stop partying for one or two days, you can get away with it. But eventually it’s going to show motivation needs to motivate yourself daily.

    But that being said, I think that motivation within, within, you know, by itself, Isn’t going to take you as far. I think, uh, motivation has to be connected with an intense, um, passion for life. You know, that you love, it’s easier to be a motivational quote, motivated to do those things that you know, that you need to do.

    Um, regardless of whether the boring or exciting or whatever, you know. So I think that at the end of the day, I think for me, the bigger thing than motivation, it’s just having a passion for life, having, uh, doing things that you love, you know, cause a lot of people try to be motivated to do. The wrong thing, you know?

    Um, and by the wrong thing, I mean, you know, you are, uh, going after a goal that you’re not passionate about it. It’s not your life, you know? So at the end of the day more with your why you’re more likely to, you know, to keep on. Keep on going. Yeah. 

    Phi: Yeah. It’s so true. Cause sometimes I ask my clients, I’m like, do you actually want this?

    Or is this what you thought you wanted? And maybe you’ve changed your mind, but you’re still chasing it because you think you have to, or you should, or because your family wants you to, or your partner or whatever. So I thought that was really interesting. And I guess thinking about that, like my clients experience, so some of my clients are male.

    TJ Shana on self love for males

    Phi: I know that we just spoke about self love on our Instagram live. And I would love to hear your perspective as a man on the concept of self-love, because I think people bucket, self love is a very girly and feminine energy, which I would agree it’s feminine energy, but it doesn’t mean it’s not for men too.

    TJ: Yeah. Yeah, I think so. Self-love yeah, it’s a, it’s one of those things we think, uh, when many of you, the word self-love, you know, we think a bubble box and candles and pets, flower petals in the bath and that sort of thing, but it doesn’t really have to be there. They can be though, and it’s a great thing, you know, but that being said, I think self-love has to be the self-love is one of those things that have to be very personalized.

    And I, I gave you an example. One of the ways I practice self-love is I will throw on a, I actually have a record collection, so I’ll play the old Michael Jackson thriller album and just dance by myself in the house. No one there to watch me with my really, really bad dad. And I enjoy myself. Right? So for someone else that could be fishing for someone else to be going, you know, playing golf for someone else, it might be.

    It doesn’t really have to be anything that you particularly good at, you know, but it’s, it has to be something that makes you feel as though it makes you not only feel good, but it makes you feel as though you’ve had an outlet. You know, I have a friend of mine who’s, uh, one, one way in which he practices self-love is boxing.

    You know, he, you know, he goes into the rain spars with someone and, you know, And that’s it. He enjoys himself, you know? So I think that at the end of the day, self love doesn’t have to be, um, we don’t have to put it to within this container of it has to look like this at the end of the day, it has to be more an issue of what works for you and do what doing what works for you.

    Phi: So, yeah, that’s how I see it. Yeah. And we definitely discussed about how we were saying that love is just such this abundant thing. It’s like everywhere. But for some reason, people think that love is finite and it’s not out there, but it’s also because like, we’ve just discussed, like, love can be in any forms, whether it’s romantic or friendship, there’s just so much love out there, whether it’s for other people or yourself.

    TJ: Right. Because at the end of the day, we are infinite. Like I said before, we are infinite. Creatures, right. We’ve got infinity within our hearts, within our souls. The soul is an infinite space. That’s what I believe. So that one of things, um, I, I’m very conscious of the fact that I have got infinite love within me.

    No one can actually cannot run out of love, you know? So if, if I, um, I just need to be conscious of that and, you know, give it to myself. You know, a lot of, I think one of the biggest downfalls for a lot of us and myself included, you know, I’ve experienced, it is very bad. Your self-talk is an indicator of yourself.

    Love in my experience, you know? And I tell people if you would never say it to someone that you love or to a little kid, why would you say to yourself. Because a lot of people go through life saying, no, no, you can’t do it. Oh, I’m too ugly. Or I’m too, this I’m too short. Or, you know, I’m not skilled enough.

    But if the person you love was to come to you with an issue, uh, where there’s some self-loading or self-doubting you would encourage them, like, no, you can’t do it, go for it. You know, it’s okay to fail. So if you would say that to someone else, why would you say, why would you expect or say anything less to yourself?

    TJ Shana on the best advice he has received

    Phi: Yeah, that’s really true. Thank you. And I guess I’ve kind of wanted to end it today’s podcast with, I just what’s been the best advice you’ve ever been given by who and what did they say to you? Wow. I’m ending it because to sustain this energy because we’ve literally been talking about such grand topics and really getting introspective. So there would be no other end, but this to end on something like that best advice that anyone has ever you.

    TJ: Wow, Uh, I think the best piece of advice that anyone’s ever given me was actually forget who, who actually told me this.

    I forget his name, actually. Uh, he was an older man that, um, I interacted with a few years ago. I think at a shop. I love that. It’s always random. Yeah. It’s all these random. And we were talking and he said to me, it’s like, you know, um, one of two things you need to realize in life is no one owes you.

    Anything never, ever, go through life, expecting people to just hand things to you. If you want something, you have to not only go after it, but you need to create the kind of energy that attracts what it is that you want. And what he meant by that is you need to be deserving of that. You know, because for example, you know, we want love, but we’re not.

    We’re not embodying love in our own personal lives. You know, you want to get into a relationship with this, um, with this gorgeous human being. Who’s awesome. Who’s honest, who is this with that? But you, you, yourself, you don’t deserve love because you’re not embodying that. So at the end of the day, I think that that really impacted me because it made me realize that at the end of the day, I might want something, but I need to embody what it is that I want before I get it, you know?

    Phi: Yeah. Such wise words. And I love that. That’s how the world works. It’s always some random interaction that you don’t think that would change your life. But obviously this interaction with that, man, he gave you that piece of advice and it stuck with you and you still don’t, you don’t even know who he is.

    And I guess it shows that you never know the impact that people make in your life. And you never know the impact that you’ll make on someone’s life. Right. I wanted to end the note because where can people find you TJ? Because you’ve been absolutely amazing in this podcast. I think people are going to want to see your content.

    How to find TJ and what he is up to

    Phi: Tell us how can we find you? What are you working on? Tell us more. 

    TJ: Well, I’m working on a few projects that will be out later on this year. So, definitely tools that will, uh, help individuals to take the first step. I’m all about the first step. So that could be anyone that is, um, you know, starting to get out of, you know, taking the first steps towards getting out of depression or someone who’s just gone through a breakup or whatever.

    It’s these are going to be tools that will help that person, uh, to take the first step. So that’s a promise that’s guaranteed. Um, but where they can find me, TJshanaofficial on Instagram. Uh, it’s all one word. Uh, um, I posted pretty, pretty regularly and there’ll be more video content coming up.

    There is a podcast in the works as well. Yeah. Yeah. I’ll definitely hit you up. 

    The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 20: TJ Shana Close

    Phi: Well, thank you so much for being on the podcast. TJ, I will drop all the links in the show notes for everybody to get in touch with you because you’re a fantastic soul and people need to get to know you. So thank you so much for being on the show.

    I really appreciate it. Thank you so much. We really appreciate it. Thanks, bye.

    [Episode 20 -TJ Shana Outro]

    Are you wanting to find out more about 1:1 Coaching or working with me? Maybe perhaps you want to know more about me. I’d love to connect with you. You can visit my website or connect with me on Instagram @thephidang. Speak to you soon.

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