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  • 45: Courtney Wallbank Proudly Imperfect Podcast

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    This episode features Courtney Wallbank from the Proudly Imperfect Podcast. In this episode we talk all things anxiety, self love, perfectionism, fear of failure, money mindset, moving countries and so much more. You’re in for a juicy episode as Courtney shares more on how to truly be proudly imperfect as well as Grow and Glow!

    Resources from today's episode and connect with Courtney Wallbank from the Proudly Imperfect Podcast

    Chatting to Courtney Wallbank from the Proudly Imperfect Podcast

    • Courtney’s Human Design: 5/1 Sacral Generator

    Hi beautiful souls, I am so happy today to have Courtney Wallbank on the Grow Through it Podcast. I was recently on her podcast Proudly Imperfect. Courtney is a NLP and Mindset Coach who helps you break free from the chains of anxiety and fear so you can grab life by the tits and be unapologetically you.

    Would you be able to let everybody know in your own words who you are?

    We discuss how we met by Courtney sending me a message in 2021 when I announced I was going from my full time corporate job and you were at the beginning of your journey. She was part of a free masterclass week I held and won a human design reading.

    We also cover how Courtney got into personal growth, her journey, handling projections, shadow work, self love, money mindset, being proudly imperfect, perfectionism: that it’s a learned behaviour and you have the power to unlearn it. It can also be interpreted as a trauma response as a coping mechanism.

    Courtney shares her tips about perfectionism, how she personally handles perfectionism, the fear of failure as well as her Instagram handle of Grow and Glow.

    Not only that we talk about anxiety, her brave move from Manchester in the UK to Sydney Australila.

    Click here to read more

  • 40: Goddess Kali

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    This episode is all about the Goddess Kali, known for death, destruction and rebirth. She is the epitome of raw power. The dark divine feminine. Learn how to channel your inner Kali to overcome obstacles in your life.

    Featured Resources on the episode

    Kali in a dream - her meaning

    Hello beautiful soul,

    What an eclipse season it has been! I’ve been called to chat about Kali in today’s podcast episode. She came to me vividly during eclipse season and called upon me to share more about her and that I will do! I actually had a dream where she was eating me alive and instead of resisting, I leaned into the experience only for us to make love — yup! Felt like a real metaphor for surrendering to change, including what can seem ‘bad’ but actually ultimately becomes ‘good’ because you learn, you grow and you expand. 

    Who is Kali? The Hindu Goddess

    Kali is a Hindu Goddess who is quite misunderstood. Visually she’s so striking, often portrayed with vibrant blue skin sticking her tongue, sometimes with multiple heads, out holding her sword and decapitated head or wearing a necklace strung with severed heads. Kali was born during a battle with evil demons and defeated them, hence this imagery. 

    She is said to be a form of Pavarti, a benevolent sweet, loving, gentle goddess. Kali is true authenticity and power, she isn’t here to be like or traditionally beautiful. She isn’t here to be subservient to men, subtle, submissive or dutiful. She isn’t the performative feminine. She is raw. She is untamed. 

    Kali is powerful

    She’s truly powerful, fierce and ferocious. She symbolises death, destruction as well as rebirth and is seen as a keeper of time too. She is the counterpart of Shiva the destroyer, bringing death to ego and attachment. She’s scary because she brings about change. Not one to be complacent, she ushers in massive changes instantly, as if all at once. Life changes at the blink of an eye without warning. She brings upon your next level. 

    Kali is a force

    Kali is a force to be reckoned with and she comes into your life to destroy anything that is not serving you. It’s often not subtle either. She enters your life as a force. You often don’t call upon her, she calls upon you. I’ve personally never called her into my life, she’s come to me. 

    Take warning, if you call her into your life this isn’t child’s play, she truly means business as the goddess of war and battle too. She’s tough love. She reminds us that we need destruction in our lives, to let go of the old, have a clearing for the new to come in. Death is a natural part in the cycles of life. At times she sees things that are hidden, that we not be able to perceive as we are blinded or ignorant. 

    Kali helps you let go and surrender

    Kali in practical terms is the archetype of surrendering, letting go of what no longer serves you and if you cannot take action, she will take it upon your behalf and make it happen. She helps us break free from attachments. Kali is a protective divine mother. She shows us that even in painful times, there is always purpose. 

    Kali is the dark divine feminine

    What really strikes me about Kali is that she is the divine dark feminine, shakti but not as what we know it. She shows the fierce power of the feminine. She gives us what we need, not necessarily what we want. She’ll strip away your comfort, taking away the safety blanket to help us navigate the waters of the uncomfortable. 

    How to channel your inner Kali

    Sometimes we need to channel our inner Kali, to be strong, to be unchained, wild, free, liberated. Unleash your inner Kali when it’s time to be bold and brave. 

    To speak your truth. To face your demons. To stand in your power. To release what you struggle to. To feel the more difficult emotions: rage, anger, bitterness, grief, depression and  numbness. 

    Kali is to be liberated by your limits and what holds you back. It’s transmuting and transforming your anger in a healthy, conscious way. 

    She is the medicine to channel when we face crisis, we are stuck in a rut, when we need a huge shake up in our lives. She awakens us, bringing the darkness to the light, to set us free. To bring awareness and consciousness to illusions and fantasies, bringing home the truth. 

    How Kali can impact your life

    When working with clients I’ve seen Kali most powerful at shaking lifelong habits that don’t serve, exiting toxic relationships and cycles, finally leave toxic jobs and situations, take off hiding behind masks and clinging onto ego. 

    Kali helps you set strong and firm boundaries. Kali helps you to call in and take back your power in any situation, to break free from a victim mentality and mindset. She is an ally for unexpected changes, to confront your fears head on. 

    She is the rage to channel inspired action when you are underestimated, walked all over, blocked, challenged and confronted. She helps us rise up. 

    How to work with Kali the goddess

    If you are feeling the call to work with Kali, her mantra to chant is ‘Kreem’ giving you power, strength and wisdom. You can also chant the mantra ‘Om Krim Kali.’ When chanting, the magic number is 108 times. You can also visualise her during meditation or as mentioned channel the wild, raw, power of the feminine it could be through expressing your rage through art or dance as examples. To let yourself go and be free. 

    On closing this Kali podcast episode

    I talk more about working with goddesses and divine feminine archetypes in my upcoming book The Great Unlearning: Awakening to Living an Aligned and Authentic Life. I am so excited because it’s around 1 month until it’s released on the 23rd of June 2023. 

    I cannot wait for you to read my book! To close off this episode due to demand, I have started opening up human design readings on the weekends too. You can book a reading with me through my website phidang.com and I also have 1:1 coaching spots available. 

    Thank you for listening beautiful soul, I’m truly grateful, until next time!   

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  • 39: Divine Feminine Day Retreat and Scorpio Full Moon in May 2023

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    This Saturday May 6th, I will be holding an in person Divine Feminine Day Retreat in Newtown, Sydney, Australia with my beautiful friend energy healer, yoga & meditation teacher Japna Singh Dussol. It happens to align and coincide with the Scorpio Full Moon Lunar Eclipse (unplanned but so divine!) This episode provides more information about the event and the energies at play at the moment (tiring and emotional!).

    Featured Resources on the episode

    The Divine Feminine Day Retreat Series - Autumn May 6th 2023: Newtown, Sydney, Australia

    Magic happens when women gather in circle.

     

    Honour your heart and soul with a nourishing day retreat with like minded women to rest and recalibrate with the changing of the seasons.

    With the end of summer, the days are getting cooler, the nights are getting longer and we are being called to journey within.

    To align with the rhythm and cycles of nature, the winds of change are here.

    Autumn is upon us, as we prepare for a period of rest with Winter. We are invited to slow down and surrender.

    To reflect and find balance: masculine and feminine, light and dark, past and future.

    To land here in the present and be grounded after the intense energies to kickstart 2023.

    Unwind, relax and release as we dedicate a day to self care. To let go of what no longer serves you, like the falling of leaves, bringing balance back into your mind, body and soul. To be held and supported in safe, sacred space and shift into a new energetic season.

    Your day retreat will include:

    – share circle and seasonal masterclass (letting go and surrender)

    – gentle yoga and meditation

    – sound energy healing

    – yoni steaming circle and sacred ceremony

    – connection to Mother Earth

    – journal prompts

    – morning tea and lunch

    Other details:

    When: Saturday 6th May 2023

    Where: 11-13 Darley Street, Newtown, Sydney

    Investment: $250 AUD

    We look forward to holding space for you! If you have any questions, reach out to either of us:

    Instagram: @thephidang or @japnasinghdussol

    Email: [email protected] or [email protected]

    Buy tickets by clicking here.

    Scorpio Full Moon Lunar Eclipse Energy Update

    We’ve had the new moon solar eclipse in Aries last week and now we are heading into a lunar eclipse full moon with Scorpio (which happens to be my sign!).  This eclipse is linked to the previous one because it’s the perfect time to let go of anything that arose back then and is part of a long series of Taurus and Scorpio eclipses, in fact the second last marker in this journey that began in November 2021 and will end in October this year around my birthday too, so I’m all too well of the feelings and energies of this one. 

    Take a moment to reflect on what was unfolding in your life since and back in November 2021 to zoom out and shed light on the storyline that is being divinely created and orchestrated in your life for your highest growth and expansion. 

    Scorpio represents the south node which is karmic and the past therefore it can particularly stir up karmic relationships and situations, residuals that may have previously begun with the solar eclipse last week to fall away because it no longer serves you. Think of it as a spiritual karmic detox and purge. I’m personally really getting the download for anyone listening here to pay attention to karmic relationships whether that be romantic, family, colleagues or friends. 

    The solar eclipse is about new energy and beginnings whereas a lunar eclipses is about completion or moving into a new direction. The moon represents the subconscious and feminine, so one can expect this full moon eclipse to be emotionally charged in some way. Eclipses often reveal things and with Mercury Retrograde about, as well as another retrograde in Pluto, expect the unexpected. Expect wildcards and curveballs thrown at you. Who knows what information could arise to the surface that could catch you off guard or perhaps even shocked. This is to say, it’s not all negative! It could be life altering, positive news too. 

    It’s the perfect storm one could say because Pluto actually rules Scorpio, alongside co-ruler Mars. To dive deeper into the influence of Pluto think back to around the 22nd/23rd of March when Pluto moved into Aquarius for the first time in our lives! Pluto energy is very aligned with Scorpio so the usual suspect themes: destruction, death, rebirth, the subconscious and transformation. With it moving into Aquarius it also brings about the themes of change, innovation, freedom, liberation, equality and the collective.

    Both planes aren’t known for being shy, if anything they are bold and out there so expect the revelations, energy and feelings accompanying the moon to be the same. The major theme I see arising from this transit is it’s asking for us to let go and master the art of emotional alchemy. Again if your feelings and energies are all over the place, a full moon has a strong influence alone let alone a lunar eclipse which is the energetic equivalent of 10 full moons at once so yes your feelings may be magnified, your feelings may be intensified and it can be temporarily destabilising.  

    To tune into our emotions and intuition. To face our emotions and feel them instead of running away, repressing, ignoring and blocking as we’ve been conditioned to. To transform our pain into power, wounds into wisdom and grief into gold (yep took that line straight of my book the Great Unlearning). Our feelings aren’t to be feared, they can be incredible portals of transformation and springboards for creativity. 

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  • Presence is a present…

    Be here right now...

    they say you never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory… 💭

    life is so precious, this present moment right here and right now… you will never relive or get again.

    sure you may do similar things but it will never be the exact same…

    your mind and thoughts will change…

    how you feel will change…

    who you are will change…

    don’t take the present for granted…

    presence is a present for a reason…

    live and love fully beautiful soul.

    be here right now 🧡

    the audio is an excerpt by Caroline Myss her full Ted talk is “choices that can change your life” – I highly recommend listening.

    love & positivity ✨ phi

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  • Let go and trust the process

    Trust the process

    Trust the process.

    You don’t need to fully understand the process to. 

    Everything you have wished for, asked for, intended, manifested and visualised is on its way.

    The learning curve may be steep but it’s all part of the journey.

    This journey is not linear.

    It is a dance with life.

    Backwards and forwards.

    To the side and back.

    Up and down.

    Stopping and starting.

    All over the damn place.

    That’s the process.

    In this process know that you are healing and you are loved.

    You don’t have to have it all figured out and perfect to be loved.

    Let go. It’s okay to.

    Surrender your fears and control to the process.

    Let go of your expectations and timing.

    And so, when you arrive it will all make sense.

    You just had to trust the process.

    Letting go...

    It’s not easy to trust the process. Your mind will put up a fight. It wants to know everything. Every single detail. Why? How does it come together? When?

    The process doesn’t involve the mind.

    Letting go of the mind.

    The process involves the heart.

    Trusting.

    Having faith.

    You can antagonize and ache over the why, how and details yet you will feel no closer to the destination.

    Can you give yourself more ease, grace, love and compassion by trusting the process.

    Knowing that everything is unfolding perfectly as it should?

    Knowing that it is being orchestrated with divine perfection and insight?

    It will make sense one day.

    But for now, trust the process 🧡

    love & positivity ✨ phi

    Want to work with me? I do 1:1 coaching and human design readings. 

    My book is coming soon – June 2023 📖

    Click here to read more

  • 07: Christmas Holiday Survival Guide

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    Episode Summary of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 07: Christmas Holiday Survival Guide

    This episode covers everything you need to know about the chaos and anxiety that can be Christmas. This episode provides practical tips and strategies to cope and have a calm Christmas. It covers everything from expectations, feeling distant from people, not physically being with your family and crazy families.

    What you'll learn from this episode

    • Expectations, what is reasonable and what is not
    • Worrying about Christmas and the future doesn’t usually help – how to make it so!
    • Set yourself up for a calm and drama free Christmas
    • The best things you can do to survive Christmas hint: prepare
    • Surviving family time together 
    • Coping mechanisms for Christmas
    • Feeling distant from family and loved ones
    • Not feeling good enough during Christmas
    • Difficult feelings that arise during Christmas
    • Being physically distant from family
    • Loss of family and Christmas
    • Crazy families

    Key Quotes from this Episode

    Forgiveness isn’t created through holding onto your negative feelings. 


    Phi Dang

    Forgiveness isn’t created through holding onto your negative feelings. 


    Phi Dang

    Forgiveness isn’t created through holding onto your negative feelings. 


    Phi Dang

    Featured Resources on the episode

    The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 07: Christmas Holiday Survival Guide, Show Transcript

    You are listening to episode 7: Christmas Holiday Survival Guide.

    [Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:

    Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.

    Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.

    My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”

    My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.

    Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.

    This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.

    Ready to grow? Let’s grow!

    [Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]

    [Episode 07 – Christmas Holiday Survival Guide: Begins]

    Hi beautiful souls, can you believe it’s almost Christmas!? What a year it has been, we’ve had so much happen and here we are almost at the end of 2020. Thinking about Christmas, it brings so much joy to many people but for some it can also bring anxiety and sadness.

    For me it’s mixed. My dad passed away close to Christmas 7 years ago, so I often feel sad as I miss him and reflect upon that. In fact it was a few days ago and I have just come back from a weekend away. It was so nice to disconnect from everyday routine and social media in order to reconnect with myself.

    In honour of this experience and loss, I wanted to speak about the Christmas Holiday season which brings mixed feelings for many. The end of the year and time off work often gives us time to reflect as well which can bring up all sorts of feelings.

    Before I dive into it I want to give so much appreciation to you listening to this, so much love and positivity. If you are loving the podcast, please rate the podcast 5 stars and leave a review – it would help so much to spread the message on mindset, self love, energy, purpose and mental health. Huge shout out to Ash who said “I wish I had this podcast when I was younger!” – thank you so much Ash. It doesn’t matter how old you are, you can start at any time, at any age to change your life. 

    Now let’s told holiday season. When I asked about struggles with the holiday season on my Instagram, there were 4 things that came up that I am going to speak about today: Expectations, Feeling detached from friends and family in combination with not feeling like you are enough, not being with your whole family and crazy families.

    All of this sounds like stress, sadness and mental breakdowns. Fear not though, I’ve got you.
    I’m about to provide you with some practical tips and tools to get through these struggles to create a drama free holiday season that is easy and smooth.

    Let’s dive into it.

    Expectations

    It’s funny, the Christmas holiday period we all have this expectation that during this time it will be happy and merry and all problems will disappear. If only, this is life and this is reality, these days are just like any other except for the emphasis and expectations we put on it.

    Something that is discussed at The Life Coach School is that many of us aren’t aware that we have a manual that we have created based on our beliefs, experiences and upbringing. It’s a set of rules that we think everyone needs to abide by and how they should behave.

    Examples of this are:

    • My partner needs to buy me a Christmas present and they should know what I want 
    • My family must be kind and loving to me during Christmas no matter what
    • My friends must spend at least $100 on my Christmas present

    It’s interesting because we think these things but often we never actually express these expectations or thoughts to the people around us. 

    These manuals are so evident in our head, yet we never share. How can we expect someone to behave accordingly if they don’t know your expectation? If you don’t communicate your expectation, you are setting yourself and others up for failure.

    So what can we learn from this?

    Communicate clearly. Tell someone what you would like and explain why. Often when our needs aren’t met we will resent someone yet we don’t even tell them.

    People cannot mind read. 

    People act out of their own will and freedom. 

    Trust the person that if they love and care about you, they will be open to listening to what you want and then it’s up to them if they want to meet your need or not. Simple but we complicate things by not communicating clearly and keeping expectations in our head.

    Let’s also emphasise the clear part of communicate clearly. I think many of us are guilty for dropping hints or thinking someone is absorbing every little thing we say or do – not really. 

    Say it clearly so the person knows exactly what you want. You don’t have to feel weird, awkward, selfish or embarrassed. By doing this you are communicating clearly so that there aren’t mixed signals or hints that go missed because that would result in you getting upset and them dealing with the consequences of that. So really by doing this you are helping yourself and them.

    So when we have expectations, when we have our manual, we have to remember that the only person who can meet our needs that is in our control is ourselves. 

    We cannot control other people. As I mentioned before everyone acts out of their own will and freedom, I want that, you want that, so no one wants that taken away from them. Think about how hard it is for you to control and change yourself let alone someone else. We can’t expect others to do something we would not.

    Expectations on feelings

    Another expectation that pops up during Christmas holidays is the expectation of feeling. Feeling merry. Feeling jolly. Feeling generous. We are attached to the expectation of happy and celebration.

    I want you to remember that we aren’t meant to be happy all the time, in fact you don’t have to be happy all the time! Just because it’s Christmas it doesn’t mean you suddenly have to be happy just like any other time of the year. There’s no magic switch that says on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day everyone in the world will be happy and get along. Life doesn’t work life that, we are human! 

    If you are going to have expectations make sure they are reasonable and realistic – don’t go into the holidays with blinkers on, thinking it will be joyful and merry. If you go in expecting a few challenges may pop up you will feel better because when they happen they aren’t out of the blue. Be in acceptance, it’s when we resist we cause ourselves pain and heartache.

    In fact why not use it to your advantage? If you are expecting certain things will happen, use it to your advantage and be prepared ahead of time. 

    You get anxious about future feelings, feelings you don’t want to feel like being annoyed or upset. 

    How are these feelings created? Your thoughts.

    By worrying or being anxious about the future, you feel like you’re in control but you’re not. No worrying or anxiety about it will change it. Only your deliberate thoughts will.

    Expectations Scenario on Christmas - Comments on Weight

    Let’s use this scenario, I have an Aunt who often says to me that I’m looking chubby and I could lose a bit of weight. If I accepted what she says and take that on board, I feel terrible. I feel guilty that I’ve eaten a lot and in fact ashamed. This is a result of accepting her thought and running with it.

    Instead I choose to accept the thought because it’s her free will but I am not running with it.

    My aunt can can say what she wants, as ridiculous as it is, even if it’s not true and that’s okay. 

    When the moment happens I prepare myself. 

    I am expecting her to say that she think’s I’m chubby and that I need to lose weight and so instead of thinking yes she’s right and feeling ashamed, I’m going to to decide ahead of time to think: okay, she wants to say that, and that’s okay. Maybe it’s because when she was growing up people used to talk about her weight all the time and she’s super conscious of it mostly in herself. As a result that reflects in her view of others around her such as me. 

    With all this, I am going to make the decisions not to take her thought on board as my thought though. 

    If I believe what she says I am going to feel upset and ashamed. 

    Hence think-ception occurs. 

    I know what to think ahead of time that it’s a reflection of her upbringing and experiences and I don’t have to accept the thought. As a result I don’t feel upset and ashamed. If anything I feel compassion for her that would be a hard experience being ridiculed for your weight and in turn judging others upon your thoughts about weight.

    Instead of feeling upset and ashamed if I ran with her thoughts, I am to decide to embody and feel so much love and appreciation for my body as it is right now based on my thoughts.

    You can apply this principle to any feelings in life, not just holiday Christmas ones. It’s a useful tool to have, prepare your thoughts, prepare your feelings and prepare your results. 

    Feeling detached from friends and family, and not feeling good enough

    The holidays can be so hard when you don’t feel close to your family and friends. Being around them and talking about your lives, the year that’s been and what you are up to can be anxiety inducing. If you don’t feel enough, that will come up through these conversations.

    I want you to remember that no one can make you feel anything. I’ve said this time and time again that your thoughts create your feelings and in turn your actions or inaction leading to your results. If you are feeling detached or not enough it’s because you are thinking thoughts to make you feel that way.

    What thoughts can you have instead that make you feel more connection with the people you are around? If you think thoughts such as it is possible to find a connection than that will influence your actions. Perhaps you will get more involved in festivities or make more effort to strike a conversation with someone.

    Perhaps your thoughts lead you to define Christmas and the holiday season. What does it mean for you? Connection exists beyond the family and friends we spend time with. Do you want to contribute to the holiday season in a different way by perhaps volunteering? Or connecting with individuals online too? What meaning can you make of Christmas? 

    For some it may not even be about connection, it may be simply rest, for others it’s taking time for themselves or perhaps it’s about generosity and helping others in need.

    Further to that, the end of the year is always a time of reflection but I want you to know you are enough as you are. Right now. You don’t have to do anything to be enough. You are already enough as you are, you are a part of this amazing world, you are here living and breathing. You are enough. 

    You get to decide you are enough. You can decide right now you are enough. Being enough is self belief, you determine that no one else but you. Think about this sentence, “If I believed I were enough, I would ______”.

    I bet so much came up for you right? Start believing it! The only person who has the power to make you feel that you are enough is you, no one else! 

    The secret to being enough isn’t that you have to do something, to achieve something or to be a certain way truly it’s believing you are enough.

    Not being physically with your family during Christmas

    With the virus, it’s to be expected certain friends and family may not be around due to circumstances out of our control. Think about what is in your control? Your thoughts.

    Turning to gratitude is always a saving grace. What can you be thankful for such as the family and friend who you are able to be there with physically. Can you be thankful that if they are alive, at least they are although it’s sad they can’t be there with you? If they aren’t here, can you be grateful for the memories you did share together? 

    Can you do something in honour of people who are not present this year? My family put up a framed photo of my dad and leave him a plate of food.

    Alternatively is there a way to connect with them without them physically being there whether that’s a phone call or through a video chat? Whilst these will never replace being physically there, it does help with missing them.

    Be compassionate with yourself, it’s normal to miss people when we can’t be with them. What’s important is to be present and appreciative of the people that you can be with. After all some may be lonely out there without friends and family others grieving the loss of loved ones this year. 

    When it comes to loss, a holiday can sure amplify those feelings of loss or missing. Be sure to take care of yourself. To make time for yourself. I find journaling really helps to release your thoughts and feelings out of your head and body.

    Dealing with crazy families

    I think we can all attest to the fact we all have unique and different families. Families are made up different personalities and there’s always bound to be someone you deem crazy or hard to get along with.

    The first point of call on this topic is to remember that you can only control yourself, your own behaviour and thoughts. You can’t control anyone else. Even what you think is reasonable may not reasonable for them just like their thoughts of reasonable may not be for you.

    Most of the time, it’s only once a year you have to encounter these family members, so in the grand scheme of life that’s not too bad right? Can you be empathetic towards them, perhaps why they are acting the way they are? Can you tolerate it for one or two days of the year? 1 out of 365 thats such a tiny fraction of a percentage of your whole year.

    Another thing to note. When it comes to ‘crazy’ families its important to remember you don’t have to like everyone and everyone doesn’t have to like you. 

    If you don’t like everyone, why do you expect everyone should like you? 

    There is no rule that says you have to like your family. If you think it is, you are operating from your manual, your rule book. Connection is multifaceted. You may not like someone yet still love them or you may not like someone and not love someone. That’s okay!

    Another tip for crazy families is to go into the situation prepared going back to what I spoke about earlier in the podcast about expectations. Accept that the day may not go perfectly and that’s okay. Accept that there may be tension or awkwardness. Be prepared with a coping mechanism, whether that’s taking a walk if someone annoys you or taking 5 deep breaths before responding as examples.

    Additionally I think it’s important to note that whatever people say or do is a reflection of their world. It hasn’t got anything to do with you. It’s a reflection of their mind, their world, their manual. 

    The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 07: Christmas Holiday Survival Guide close

    Thank you for listening beautiful soul, I hope you found some useful insights for your Christmas Holiday. Merry Christmas and I hope you have a wonderful time.

    If you’re anticipating struggling with Christmas or many emotions being evoked post Christmas, let’s chat because I’m here to support. We can discuss your individual scenario to have you better prepared for Christmas and post Christmas. I have limited 1:1 coaching spots still available, so please get in touch if you are interested. You are not alone and I can help you.

    That’s it for this episode beautiful souls, I’ll chat to you next week for the last episode for the year where we will reflect on 2020! 

    [Episode 07 – Christmas Holiday Survival Guide: Ends]

    Are you wanting to find out more about 1:1 Coaching or working with me? Maybe perhaps you want to know more about me. I’d love to connect with you. You can visit my website phidang.com or connect with me on Instagram @thephidang. Speak to you soon.

    Click here to read more

  • 06: Forgiveness

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    Episode Summary of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 06: Forgiveness

    This episode covers everything you need to know about forgiveness. What truly is forgiveness, how to forgive using one powerful and free tool you already have, whether anything and everything is forgivable, how to forgive yourself and conundrums and quarrels that come up when forgiving.  

    What you'll learn from this episode

    • What truly is forgiveness
    • Misconceptions about forgiveness
    • How to forgive through practical tools and strategies
    • The magic question to ask yourself why it’s difficult for you to forgive
    • Why forgiving is important 
    • Practical example on forgiving (cheating in relationships and dating)
    • Is everything and anything forgivable? 
    • Conundrums and quarrels when forgiving
    • Why forgiveness might not even be a thing!

    Key Quotes from this Episode

    Forgiveness isn’t created through holding onto your negative feelings. 


    Phi Dang

    When you feel angry and resentful towards someone, they don’t experience it as you do. In fact all they do is experience the result of your behaviour because you feel angry and resentful.

    Phi Dang

    Right now in this moment, the past has no power over you unless you choose to let it. The events that happened in the past, are in the past. They are only present now, if you make it present.

    Phi Dang

    Featured Resources on the episode

    The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 06: Forgiveness, Show Transcript

    You are listening to episode 6: Forgiveness

    [Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:

    Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.

    Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.

    My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”

    My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.

    Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.

    This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.

    Ready to grow? Let’s grow!

    [Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]

    [Episode 06 – Forgiveness: Begins]

    Hello hello beautiful soul, so happy you’re here! Another week, another new episode. How are you all feeling as it gets closer to Christmas? How fast has the year flown!? What a year it has been.

    Today’s episode is all about forgiveness. Thank you to Bee who submitted his thoughts on what he wanted to see on the podcast on my instagram – if you too have something you’d love for me to speak about please get in touch via my DMs or on my website. 

    If you didn’t know I had an Instagram – yes I do, I share on my instagram daily inspiration and motivation to live your best life and a behind the scenes of my coaching – juicy insights from sessions with my clients and of course the amazing results my clients have.

    I always get so excited to share this at it shows you what you can achieve when you work on yourself and when you invest in yourself.

     

    What are the wins my clients have been having lately?

    One of my clients absolutely aced her internship and was offered a job role after it! The real clincher? Her supervisors said what made her stand out was her mindset. Boom!

    Another one of my clients has let go of a relationship despite her fears and past coming out. We really worked through past trauma from previous relationships that showed up.

    Another client is a stunning model using her online platform after being bullied to help others and speak out against bullying – which is not okay at all.

    Another beautiful soul is moving past her fears of being judged and imposter syndrome to showing up on her Instagram community of 80,000 and building her business empire.

    So, so magical. I am so proud of them, there are many more wins but I could talk for a whole episode on that. If you’re interested in coaching, let’s chat as I would love to be here someday soon speaking about your wins!

    Segway into forgiveness

    So back to forgiveness, Bee said that he wanted to know more about forgiveness that allows for growth but is stunned by conundrums or quarrels with friends, family and strangers.

    So let’s dive into forgiveness. It’s a big topic. I want to flag in no way is forgiveness easy but it’s an important mental muscle to work on for your emotional health and wellbeing – more on that later in the podcast.

    What is forgiveness?

    There are many definitions but out of reading and researching several definitions, the main common thread between definitions is that forgiveness is a voluntary and internal process of letting go of negative feelings such as anger, resentment and bitterness and in turn the potential desire for revenge.

    Let’s break it down: voluntary – you have to decide, no one else can for you and the internal process of letting go – yes you have to use your thoughts to get to the destination: letting go.

    It’s a process – again it won’t just suddenly happen, you have to work through your thoughts and in turn your feelings to get there. Forgiveness is a journey to which you commit to.

    Forgiveness is actually quite stealthy. Forgiveness happens when you’re sleeping, when you’re brushing your teeth, when you’re journaling, when you’re making a cup of tea, when you’re making lunch, when you’re working… it’s happening not only on a conscious level but on a subconscious level too.

    Forgiveness isn’t easy or instant, like taking a pill or pushing a button. In fact forgiveness is like pushing a boulder up a hill – it will take work and it’s going to be hard. As Robert Muller says “Only the brave know how to forgive. A coward never forgives. It’s not in his nature.”

    Addressing the potential desire for revenge: your thoughts create your feelings so when you work on letting go of these negative feelings, the actions you wanted to take previously also change.

    That’s it. Simple but our brains make forgiveness complicated.

    Forgiveness is just as our earlier definition – a voluntary internals process of letting go of negative feelings. That’s all it is.

    Misconceptions about forgiveness

    Forgiveness doesn’t mean anything else but our brains create thought stories that say otherwise.

    • Forgiveness does not mean you forget what they did.
    • Forgiveness does not justify what they did.
    • Forgiveness does not mean you accept or condone what they did.
    • Forgiveness does not excuse the harm done.
    • Forgiveness does not mean that they were right and you were wrong.
    • Forgiveness does not mean that you trust them again.
    • Forgiveness does not mean that they are good person.
    • Forgiveness does not restore your full faith and trust in that person.
    • Forgiveness does not mean reconciling.
    • Forgiveness does not mean that person will still be in your life.

    All this other stuff is thoughts you are creating, stories you are creating.

    Summing it up forgiveness is for YOU, no one else by you, As Louis B Smedes say “to forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”

    So how is forgiveness created?

    It’s all through your thoughts because your thoughts create your reality. They impact how you feel and in turn what actions you take or do not take that lead to a result.

    When you are in a position to be either thinking about forgiving someone, wanting to forgive someone or not forgiving someone you are in a state of negative thoughts and feelings right? Because if you weren’t feeling negative, you wouldn’t need to forgive someone.

    When it comes to other humans things are bound to be emotional as we are emotional beings. For example if you trip over a rock, you wouldn’t even be asking the rock for forgiveness would you? But let’s change the scenario what if someone you knew accidentally tripped you over?

    Given that your thoughts are linked to your feelings, I want to state the obvious.
    Forgiveness isn’t created through holding onto your negative feelings.

    When you feel angry and resentful towards someone, they don’t experience it as you do. In fact all they do is experience the result of your behaviour because you feel angry and resentful. Maybe you are giving them the silent treatment, ignoring them or maybe you are shouting at them and being short with them. Remember: resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.

    Further on this, particularly on the feeling of resentment, it keeps you stuck in the past as you are constantly reliving the scenario, the thoughts and the feelings. Remember the past is a construct in your head, your mind and body doesn’t know. So when you keep reliving the thoughts and feelings, you are making your brain go through the experience over and over again. Right now in this moment, the past has no power over you unless you choose to let it. The events that happened in the past, are in the past. They are only present now, if you make it present.

    So how do you forgive someone?

    It is important to have at the forefront of your mind the purpose of forgiveness. Ultimately forgiveness is for you. You not them. You. I mean, the person you are forgiving doesn’t even need to know you are forgiving them really, forgiveness is for YOU.

    As established earlier the path to forgiveness starts with your thoughts.

    Let’s go back to the definition of forgiveness, it is a voluntary process emphasis on that again voluntary process. Going back to episode 4 where I speak about mental fitness and taking your brain to the gym, think of forgiveness as an important muscle that is needed to keep your emotional self healthy and strong.

    First question is to ask yourself why do you feel angry, why do you feel resentful. Remember everything in life is circumstances and its your thoughts the create reality. So whilst you can say they did this to me or didn’t do this… really it’s your thoughts about the situation which create your feelings and behaviour.

    So what thoughts are you having about why you feel angry and resentful. In order to forgive someone, you have to change your thoughts. So figure out why you feel the way you do. The number one question I like to get my clients to ask themselves is “so what?”. That’s the magic question to delve deeper into your thoughts and feelings.

    Your ex cheated on you. So what? Now you feel like you’re not good enough and perhaps you are not good looking enough for them. Your thoughts are creating a story about someone else’s actions even though you can’t mind read! Since you can’t mind read, you are creating a story that you are self perpetuating. You will never truly know why someone does something but you are creating meaning through your thoughts.

    Your friend gaslit you. So what? You don’t know what’s real and what’s not. You are in a state of shock and you can’t believe it happened to me. How did you let this happen? As a result of your thoughts on their behaviour, you feel like you don’t trust yourself and you don’t feel confident about the decisions you are making. You question yourself a lot.

    Your business partner took all of your money. So what? Now you feel unstable and insecure. You don’t have enough money to buy that car you want and you may be struggling to pay for rent and groceries. You feel anxious and worried about money. Again the story here is it’s because your thoughts are blaming that person for taking all your money and putting you into negative feelings through feeling stressed about money.

    Your dad abandoned you when you were 8. So what? You feel unlovable and unworthy, you feel that it is your fault that he left. Now you are older and wiser, have you ever had the thought that the way your dad is has nothing to do with you. Maybe he left because of his own fears of being a terrible dad. Maybe he left because he had a horrible gambling addiction and didn’t want you in the mix.

    It’s all about being aware of how your thoughts are creating your feelings about this person. Your thoughts are making you suffer and feel wronged. If you think different thoughts, you will have a different outcome.

    Forgiveness scenario: Cheating in relationships and dating

    Let’s take the cheating scenario as it is a common one and I have been cheated on through my own life experiences.

    You can choose to have the thoughts oh this says something about me, I’m not loveable enough, I wasn’t a good partner, I am not good enough and blame your partner, they ruined your life and so forth. That makes you feel tired, angry, resentful, awful to be honest or you can choose to have the thoughts oh this says nothing about me and everything about them.

    The relationship has unfolded the way it was meant to, nothing lasts forever, this chapter is closed and I’m ready to move forward and have a partner who values commitment and loyalty. You don’t feel angry anymore. You don’t feel resentful anymore. No more bitterness. Initially it will likely be working through sadness and betrayal but then feeling so hopeful and excited to move forward with your life.

    It’s all in the thoughts.

    It can also help to seperate the actions from the person who did what they did. For example good people do bad things – it’s not black and white. We have all made mistakes or done things we aren’t proud of but that doesn’t mean we are bad people overall. In fact there are more good people who make mistakes and do “bad things” vs bad people overall.

    One thing to also keep in mind is hurt people, hurt people. There is often a reason as to why someone has done something.

    The person that cheats on someone is because they feel lonely and insecure. It doesn’t make cheating right, but we can see why they did it and we are separating the action from the person.

    The person that scams people out of money because they needed to feed their family and keep a roof over their head. Again, not right but we can see why they did it and have some empathy.

    Empathy is a useful aid in forgiving someone. Can you put yourself in their shoes to understand why they did it?  Can you image the other as an innocent child needing love and support? How would you like to be treated if you made a mistake?

    One important thing to remember is that forgiveness is truly about your feelings and not your actions. You aren’t really forgiving someone if you are taking actions to say that you are for example saying “it’s okay now, I forgive you” and then you are still harbouring feelings of anger and resentment deep down inside. Telling someone you forgive them not akin to being forgiving unless its truly about the feeling.

    Sometimes we don’t forgive someone because you want to hold onto anger and resentment, thinking that you are punishing them. Like I said earlier, no you holding onto the feelings of anger and resentment is like taking poison and waiting for them to die. The only person you are hurting is yourself. You are giving this person or people too much power over your life.

    Not only that you can forgive and move on. Forgiving doesn’t automatically mean your feelings shift from anger and resentment to forgiveness and then it’s like nothing happened and you continue to see the person or interact with them. It’s your life and its your boundaries and what you feel comfortable with.

    Questions on forgiveness.

    Is anything and everything forgivable?


    The answer is yes because going back to the definition of forgiveness at the beginning of this episode it’s a voluntary process. You choose. You decide. There are instances of people forgiving those who have wronged them such as murdering a loved one or killing their family. It’s up to you.

    Another common theme that comes up with my coaching clients is what about if the person I am trying to forgive is myself?

    It’s the same process as outlined earlier with they key being:
    1) You are not your actions
    2) Empathy for yourself – you are human. We all make mistakes. We have all done things we aren’t proud of. It’s a part of being human.

    Self forgiveness is hard as the mistakes you make often become attached to underlying beliefs you have. Your brain uses it as evidence for a self fulfilling prophecy. If your brain thinks your bad with money guess what? It’ll interpret every action you do with money as bad. 

    You could invest $2,000 in coaching to transform your life, get unstuck and move forward with your life but since you think you’re bad with money, your brain will weave a story that you’re bad with money – it’s not an investment, you’re just frivolously spending when you’re not.

    Also ask yourself what does hating yourself and punishing yourself do? Not much. It would be more productive to take actions to improve and learn from the experience right?

    That’s why it’s great to work with someone to delve deep into these beliefs you may not be aware of – it’s something I do often with my clients. Most of the time my clients aren’t conscious of it but when I listen, I guide them to piece all their jigsaw pieces together so they become aware of it.

    Conundrums and quarrels when it comes to forgiveness.

    Diving into Bee’s question, who initially asked what about conundrums and quarrels when it comes to forgiveness. What I can tell you is that you learn a lot about yourself and others when you disagree on something. Are you being constructive, coming from a place of love and understanding or is it destructive? Resorting to actions like shouting and criticising someone?

    I want everyone to remember, not every one thinks like you. We live lives from our prospective, we are the frame of reference in the same way everyone else does to them. Other people have their frame of reference. You are the way you are because of your values, your family, your beliefs, the way you were raised, your life experiences – no one person has the exact identical experiences therefore we all see the world differently. 

    Whenever I get frustrated that people can’t see my point of view I remember that. For example I get frustrated when people don’t make the most out of life and they just stay in a rut and that’s because I experienced my dad passing away at a young age which made me realise life is fragile there is no guarantee. So I don’t like to waste my time, especially being stuck.

    Before that YOLO (you only live once) was just a phrase to me and a concept I understood theoretically but until I truly experienced it through a life event – that’s when my perspective shifted. 

    So when someone is stuck, I can help them and I can say and do all these things but ultimately its up to that person to decide to get unstuck and to get help. Very much like my clients, I can guide them, give them the tools but ultimately they are the ones who will get themselves unstuck.

    When you quarrel or argue without someone, ask yourself, what is my true intention here. Are you trying to get a message across to help or are you trying to be right? Is your ego inflating itself being like “I have to be right, I have to have the last say?”.

    I would also ask yourself is the quarrelling worth it? Quarrelling can be very draining and toxic to your energy and you can also lose a relationship over it. Is what you are fighting about worth it? Ask yourself what is worth more to you, inner peace or being right?

    I love these quotes to further reinforce my point. Firstly by Amit Kalantri, “Ultimately all kinds of fights end at forgiveness.” Secondly by Byron Katie, ““Peace doesn’t require two people; it requires only one. It has to be you. The problem begins and ends there.”

    Radical thought: Forgiveness does not need to exist

    Speaking of Byron Katie, she is a is huge pioneer in the field of forgiveness.

    In fact she says “Forgiveness is the discovery that what you thought happened, didn’t.”

    This is a radical thought to drop in your mind.

    In short what she is saying is that we create conditions for how life should be and unfold so when these conditions are broken by someone else we demand forgiveness.

    Mind blowing but so true. Simple. There are no rules, there are no set ways to behave – we create this in our mind through our thoughts. Thoughts are truly so powerful.

    The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 06: Forgivness close

    What a way to end this episode, a true journey on all things forgiveness. Summing it up forgiveness starts in your thoughts, your mindset.

    Are you are you struggling with forgiving in your life whether it’s with others or yourself? Want help learning step by step how to change your thoughts? Change your thoughts and change your life.

    I have limited 1:1 coaching spots left. With 2021 on the horizon, get help and improve your life now. Not in 2021. Now! Links in the show notes on how to contact me and work together.

    Thank you so much for listening beautiful soul. The next two episodes of the podcast I’ve decided will be about our feelings towards Christmas and coping with the holiday season and of course reviewing and reflecting about your year as we gear up for a brand new year, 2021!

    Wishing you inner peace always. Chat to you next Tuesday. Love and Positivity.

    [Episode 06 – Forgiveness: Ends]

    Are you wanting to find out more about 1:1 Coaching or working with me? Maybe perhaps you want to know more about me. I’d love to connect with you. You can visit my website phidang.com or connect with me on Instagram @thephidang. Speak to you soon.

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