99: There Really Are Good Men: Releasing Cynicism & Expanding to Love
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In this empowering episode, we dive deep into the truth about good men and why many women struggle to believe in them. From societal conditioning to past heartbreak, we explore the barriers that keep us from trusting and attracting healthy, loving relationships. Tune in for practical mindset shifts and inspiring insights that will help you embrace vulnerability, heal past wounds, and open your heart to the good men already in your life. If you’re ready to shift your perspective and invite real love and connection into your world, this episode is for you!
Resources from today's episode
Work with Phi
- Learn more about 1:1 Coaching with Phi here.
- Apply for 1:1 Coaching with Phi here.
- Book a Human Design Reading with Phi here.
- Phi’s book; The Great Unlearning: Awakening to Living an Aligned and Authentic Life.
- Flow – Vietnam Retreat May 2025
Recharge and Renew – Bali Retreat August 2025 - Message Phi on Instagram
- Email Phi
The cynicism of men
Hey, beautiful souls, and welcome back to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang (that’s me). With Valentine’s Day around the corner, I know this time of year can bring up all kinds of emotions—love, longing, frustration, and maybe even cynicism. You might be thinking, ‘Where are all the good men?’ or ‘Why does everyone else seem to find love but me?’ Or maybe you’re in a relationship and you’re unhappy or even if you are, aside from your partner or a few friends perhaps you’ve lost your faith in men. If that sounds familiar, this episode is for you.
My own personal example of good men
This episode came to me like a lightning bolt and the urge to do it perhaps because I am on my own journey. I came out of a relationship last year and it was challenging to be honest with you and it tested my good faith in men through my own projections. Recently I had an incident with my car at the beginning of the year going 100km an hour towards the beach down south here luckily on a country road because I must have run over something and it shredded my tire. I mean shredded. Only the central metal bit left. I panicked because I have no idea how to fix a tire, I was in the middle of no where, what was I to do?
I kid you 5 minutes later, a man pulled over to help me. He was in his SUV with like 4 children and without any hesitation helped me. I was so grateful and he said to me, I wanted to show my children this is what good men do, good humans really. I want to especially show my boys what it is to be a good man and I did the very thing I would do for my daughters and want other men should they be in your situation. Honestly it moved me to tears.
With my spare tyre in fact I got to the petrol station to sort it out because the rear end of my car came off and unexpectedly two men which I would stereotypically class as “bikies” helped me they were again so sweet and gave me a specific tape for cars in case something else happened when they left.
From that moment I’ve had really lovely interactions with men, I mean to the point of a nice man randomly buying me a coffee and pastry the day I had to take me car in for a service all stressed.
Why women don't believe in good men: disappointment and hurt
Many women feel disillusioned about love, especially if they’ve been hurt or let down before. Maybe you’ve given your heart to someone who didn’t handle it with care. Maybe you’ve been strung along, ghosted, or left wondering why you weren’t “enough” for someone to stay. Or maybe you’ve witnessed relationships around you that only rein forced the idea that love is hard, unreliable, or even painful. Over time, these experiences can build up, creating an invisible wall between you and the kind of love you truly desire.
Social media, men suck and no good men are out there
And then there’s social media—a place where heartache is turned into entertainment. Everywhere you look, there are jokes about how “men ain’t sh*t,” how modern dating is a dumpster fire, and how settling is the only option if you don’t want to end up alone. It’s easy to laugh along, repost the memes, and bond with friends over shared frustration. But what if that belief is keeping you stuck? What if, every time you reinforce the idea that “good men don’t exist,” you’re unintentionally closing yourself off to the very thing you want most?
Duality and reality of good men
This episode isn’t about pretending that bad experiences don’t exist. You’ve been hurt, and that hurt is real. It’s valid to feel frustrated, disappointed, or even wary when it comes to love. But what if you could honour your experiences without letting them define your future? What if, instead of carrying those wounds as proof that love is doomed, you allowed them to be stepping stones toward a deeper understanding of what you truly need?
Today, we’re shifting the focus. Instead of asking, “Why does this always happen to me?” we’re exploring, “How can I open to love in a way that feels safe, nourishing, and real?” Because love is real. Good men do exist. And the more you allow yourself to believe that, the more likely you are to recognise love when it arrives.
In a relationship but doubt good men
Maybe you’re already in a relationship, but you still find yourself questioning whether good men really exist. Perhaps your partner is loving and supportive, yet deep down, you struggle to fully trust it. Maybe past wounds make it hard for you to receive love without skepticism, or you catch yourself waiting for the other shoe to drop. It’s not that your partner has done anything wrong—it’s just that part of you is still carrying the weight of old heartbreaks, making it hard to relax into the love that’s already here.
In a relationship but unhappy
Or maybe you’re with someone who isn’t showing up the way you need, and you’re wondering if settling is just part of the deal. You see other women sharing stories about their incredible, emotionally available partners, and instead of feeling inspired, you feel disheartened. Does love like that really exist, or is it just luck? Am I asking for too much? These questions can be painful, but they also hold power—because they invite you to examine what you believe about love and what you are willing to accept.
Being in a relationship doesn’t automatically erase doubts, fears, or past conditioning about love. Sometimes, it brings them even more to the surface. If you’re with a partner who treats you well, this episode is an opportunity to soften and truly receive the love you have—without fear, without suspicion, without waiting for it to disappear. And if you’re in a relationship where you don’t feel cherished, this is a chance to reflect on whether you are settling out of fear that something better doesn’t exist. Because here’s the truth: good men exist, and you deserve to be with one.
Unlearning societal conditioning around men
Society feeds us cautionary tales about men being untrustworthy, emotionally unavailable, or selfish. From a young age, we’re conditioned to be on guard—to protect our hearts, to expect disappointment, and to believe that love is always a little bit dangerous. These messages are everywhere, subtly shaping the way we view relationships.
Pop culture often glorifies toxic dynamics—the “bad boy” who eventually changes for the right woman, the emotionally distant man who needs to be chased, the love that only becomes real after struggle and heartbreak. We’re told that passion is in the push-and-pull, that chaos is exciting, and that if a man is too kind, too available, or too stable, he must be boring. The stories we absorb through movies, music, and even social media normalise dysfunction to the point where healthy love can feel unfamiliar—or even suspicious.
Unlearning family cultural conditioning around men
Many of us also grew up hearing limiting beliefs about men from the women around us. Maybe it was an aunt who told you, “All men cheat, it’s just a matter of time.” Or a friend who insisted, “You have to lower your standards if you actually want a relationship.” Or even the quiet but persistent idea that “Men are scared of commitment,” so you have to be careful not to be too much or too needy if you want one to stay. These narratives become ingrained, making it easy to approach relationships with doubt, guardedness, or the assumption that disappointment is inevitable.
But what if those beliefs aren’t truth—just echoes of other people’s experiences and fears? What if they were passed down as protection, but they’re actually blocking you from seeing the full picture? Yes, some men are emotionally unavailable, and yes, heartbreak exists. But so does deep, healthy, reciprocal love. And there are men who are present, committed, emotionally intelligent, and genuinely invested in building something real. The key is learning to tell the difference between a belief shaped by fear and a truth shaped by experience.
I love men - seriously I do!
Some of the best men I know are my friends and clients. They are men who listen, who communicate, who care about their partner’s emotional world. They are men who prioritise growth, who work through their own wounds so they don’t project them onto others, and who want to build relationships based on trust, respect, and genuine connection.
I’ve seen men support their partners through life’s hardest moments—holding space for their emotions, cheering them on when they doubt themselves, and making love feel like a sanctuary instead of a battleground. I’ve worked with men who are deeply introspective, who want to unlearn harmful conditioning, and who are actively working to show up as better partners, fathers, and friends.
But these men don’t always fit the stereotype of what we’ve been told to expect. They aren’t always flashy. They don’t always dominate the conversation or make grand gestures. Sometimes, they’re the ones quietly showing up, day after day, doing the work of loving with presence and consistency. And the more you train yourself to see and believe in the existence of good men, the easier it becomes to recognise them in your own life.
So if you’ve been telling yourself that love is hopeless or that good men don’t exist, I invite you to question that belief. Not by forcing toxic positivity, but by expanding your perspective. Look around. Pay attention to the men who show up, not just in relationships but in friendships, in family dynamics, in everyday moments. You might be surprised at what you start to notice.
I really do love men because what would life be literally without them and in so many other aspects.
Healthy masculine in good men
When you take a step back and really look, you’ll see that healthy, present, emotionally intelligent men do exist—and they bring incredible value to relationships.
Men have a natural protective instinct—not in a controlling or possessive way, but in a way that makes you feel safe, both emotionally and physically. The right man wants to shield you from harm, to make sure you’re supported, and to stand beside you as a steady presence when life feels overwhelming. His protection isn’t about dominance—it’s about care.
Many men are solutions-driven. They want to fix things, to find a way forward, to make life easier for the people they love. While this can sometimes feel frustrating when all you want is to be heard, it comes from a deep desire to help. When you learn to see this trait as an expression of love, rather than a dismissal of your emotions, it becomes clear that his need to “solve” isn’t about avoiding feelings—it’s about wanting to ease your burden.
And then there’s the beautiful balance between masculine logic and feminine emotion. A good man doesn’t suppress your feelings or tell you to “calm down”—he grounds you. When you’re overwhelmed, he reminds you to breathe. When emotions run high, he brings perspective and steadiness. Not in a way that dismisses or diminishes your experience, but in a way that helps you feel everything while knowing you’re safe. His presence doesn’t dull your emotions—it gives them a foundation to rest upon.
The more you shift your focus to the good in men, the more you’ll start to see it. The more you believe in the existence of healthy, loving, protective, and emotionally available men, the more likely you are to welcome one into your life—or recognise and appreciate the one you already have.
Vulnerability with men
Allowing yourself to believe in good men requires vulnerability. It’s often easier to protect ourselves from further pain by closing off emotionally, especially after we’ve been hurt in the past. Vulnerability feels like an open wound—it’s raw, unguarded, and scary. When we’ve experienced heartbreak, betrayal, or emotional neglect, the instinct to build walls around our hearts becomes a defence mechanism. We tell ourselves it’s better to be guarded than to risk feeling that pain again.
But the truth is, those walls that protect us also keep out the love, connection, and intimacy we deserve. While our mind might think we’re safeguarding ourselves from further hurt, our hearts are also being kept from experiencing the beautiful potential of authentic, fulfilling relationships. These walls act like a filter, blocking out anything that feels too close, too deep, or too vulnerable.
The problem with staying guarded is that it limits our ability to connect on a meaningful level. When we don’t allow ourselves to be vulnerable, we miss out on the potential for real love to blossom. It’s not just about romantic relationships—being open and vulnerable allows us to form deeper connections in all aspects of life, whether it’s with friends, family, or even ourselves. The act of lowering our defences requires trust, but trust is what allows relationships to thrive.
In order to believe in good men, we need to trust that not all experiences will repeat, and not every person is going to hurt us. This doesn’t mean ignoring past pain or pretending it didn’t happen—it means choosing to trust that healing is possible, and that love can be safe again. Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable opens the door to real connection, but it also invites us to receive love in a way that nurtures our hearts instead of protecting them.
Male role models
If you haven’t had strong male role models in your life, it can feel challenging to believe that good men exist, let alone trust them. For many women, early experiences with men—whether form the foundation for how they perceive men in adulthood. If those early relationships were fraught with disappointment, neglect, or lack of emotional availability, it can leave lasting scars on the heart. Without seeing healthy relationships modelled in real life, it’s hard to know what a good, loving, committed man even looks like.
When there are no positive examples to draw from, we can easily fall into the belief that men are inherently unreliable, emotionally distant, or self serving. We don’t have a reference point for what true love, respect, and care can look like from a man. Without seeing men who are kind, compassionate, loyal, and willing to commit, it’s easy to generalise all men based on our experiences, or worse, based on societal stereotypes.
The absence of strong male role models can also mean that we’re not taught how to engage with men in a healthy, balanced way. We might unknowingly carry fears or misconceptions into new relationships, expecting them to mimic past patterns of disappointment or dysfunction. And without the guidance of a positive male figure, we might not even know what qualities to look for in a healthy partner.
But the good news is that you can choose to start seeing positive examples in your life now, even if they weren’t modelled for you growing up. Start by looking at the men around you—whether it’s friends, colleagues, mentors, or even positive portrayals in the media. The more you expand your view of men, the more you’ll see that good, kind, and loving men are out there.
How to see the good in men practical exercises what you can do
As a life coach you know I’m not just going to talk but get into the practical. If you’re single: ”What if, instead of asking, ‘Where are all the good men?’—you started asking, ‘How can I align with healthy love?’
Expand Your Awareness
For the next week, make it a daily practice to notice examples of good men around you. This could be:
- The father at the grocery store patiently helping his child.
- The older man who holds the door open for a stranger.
- A friend’s partner who supports her career and personal growth.
- A male colleague who uplifts others and creates a positive work environment.
Write down at least three examples per day. The more you train your brain to notice, the more you’ll start to see.
If this conversation has resonated with you and you’re ready to dive deeper into transforming your relationship with love, trust, and your beliefs about men, let’s work together. Life coaching can help you unpack the layers of past experiences, shift limiting beliefs, and step into a space where you fully embrace the love you deserve.
Together, we’ll explore what’s been holding you back and create a path forward, one where you trust yourself and your ability to attract and nurture healthy relationships—whether with yourself, others, or the right partner.
Don’t let old narratives keep you stuck in patterns that no longer serve you. If you’re ready to start seeing and attracting the good, let’s connect. Reach out today, and let’s begin the journey to deeper self-love, trust, and fulfilling relationships.
If you’ve been feeling called to reconnect with your feminine energy, embrace self love, and deepen your trust in yourself and your relationships, the flow retreat in Vietnam this May 25th to 31st, 2025 is the perfect opportunity to step into your full power.
This retreat is all about creating space for you to explore your feminine essence—nurturing it, understanding it, and reclaiming it. Together, we’ll dive into practices that honor your intuition, your heart, and your body, while also allowing you to release limiting beliefs and old wounds that have kept you from fully stepping into your radiance.
If you’re ready to experience a transformative journey in a luxurious, supportive environment, this is your invitation to take the leap. It’s time to nourish yourself in ways that will shift the trajectory of your life.
Join me in Vietnam this May, where we’ll cultivate deep connection, healing, and empowerment. Let’s work together to awaken your feminine energy and create lasting change.
Spaces are limited—only a few spaces remain reach out today to reserve your spot and start this incredible journey with me and other like minded women.
Happy Valentine’s Day my love.
Until next time.
Love & positivity, Phi
