Episode Summary of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 16: Relationships as Mirrors

The final episode of the L💘VE SERIES. This episode is all about the purpose of love. Why do we love? We learn how relationships are a mirror of ourselves and the seven essene mirror principles.


What you'll learn from this episode

  • What is the purpose of love
  • Twin Flames as Mirrors 
  • How relationships are mirrors
  • The importance of mental mirrors and physical mirrors
  • The 7 Essene Mirror Principles

Key Quotes from this Episode

Healthy relationships don’t happen by chance, they happen by awakening.

Just like how mirrors in a gym provide a reference point to yourself, relationships are a reference point to yourself internally.

Relationships make you see things in yourself that you might not see if you are single and alone.

Featured Resources on the episode

The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 16: Relationships As Mirrors

You are listening to Episode 16 of the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang: Relationships as Mirrors.

[Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:

Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.

Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.

My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”

My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.

Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.

This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.

Ready to grow? Let’s grow!

[Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]

[Episode 16 – Relationships as Mirrors Begins]

Relationships as Mirrors Introduction

Hello beautiful soul!

What a journey it has been for the love series.

Thank you all for your kind words on the Instagram posts, reels and podcasts so far. I appreciate it so much.

Thank you all for reaching out to me in the DMs on Instagram, I reply to all my DMs (unless you’re cold selling to me or begging me to follow you back sorry I’m not about that!) and love speaking to each and every one of you.

Thank you to all my clients, it’s an honour to be part of your life and journey in this very moment. Love and relationships are a key area of my coaching and I am seeing incredible transformations across the board.

Client Wins in Relationships, Dating and Love

One of my clients was a self professed crying, heartbroken wreck from an unexpected breakup a few months ago. Two months into our coaching, she attended a party where her ex showed up and she felt like a whole new person – calm, so deeply in love with herself and unaffected by his presence. 

Another two of my clients have transitioned from casual relationships to committed relationships with their flings and friends with benefits through the incredible work they’ve done working on themselves particularly self love and stepping up through their communication which is amazing, I am so proud of them.

For my other clients we are working through heartbreak whether that’s moving on from past relationships or breaking up with partners in relationships that no longer serve them. On that I wanted to share, when you do the work and start shifting stagnant energy, don’t be surprised when you find yourself attracted to new energies in your life whether that’s in love, relationships, friendships or your career! I see it happen all the time with myself and my clients.

If the love series has been really resonating and vibing with you, if my client’s successes are what you want, I invite you to DM me on Instagram – let’s chat about 1:1 coaching and working together. I offer a complementary 45 minute call no strings attached to see if we are the right match for each other, you have nothing to lose, so get it on it beautiful soul – I look forward to speaking with you. 

The final podcast for the series, the purpose of love

On today’s episode – I can’t believe we are on our final instalment of the series! We’ve gone from episode 13 on love mindset, to self love on episode 14, to the energetics of love on episode 15 now to ending with the thought around the purpose of love.

Oh yes we go deep!

Over the weekend I celebrated a beautiful friend’s birthday and I got speaking to another girl on the trip who is in a place of conflict at the moment.

She’s not sure about the guy she’s dating. Are they meant to be or not?

I think we have all been there and then she brings up something interesting.

He might be her twin flame. 

It feels like a lifetime ago when I think about twin flames.

Twin Flames as Mirrors

I think I met mine at the beginning of my spiritual awakening.

For those who don’t know what a twin flame is, it’s a very intense soul connection with another to the point you are thought to be another person’s half. The idea of a twin flame is that you are part of one original soul that has been split into two bodies.

He gave me the book, The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle and the rest is history. In fact I am re reading the book 8 years later and it truly resonates with me now more than ever. To be honest, back then I was only really starting to understand spirituality whereas now I practice it. 

I fell so deeply and passionately for him but it wasn’t meant to be.

He was definitely emotionally unavailable and I triggered him big time – especially going through my dad being very ill and passing away. 

In fact it was very short lived but it served a huge purpose.

I am so thankful to him that I got to wake up before my dad passed and to share with him I finally understood all the consciousness principles he would speak about long before I even knew what it meant to be awake and conscious. 

I’ve always been under the belief that we are not meant to be with our twin flames in a lifetime, rather they are a mirror to yourself. A catalyst for your soul growth.

I believe relationships are some of our biggest spiritual assignment. Healthy relationships don’t happen by chance, they happen by awakening.

Relationships are reference points

Relationships make you see things in yourself that you might not see if you are single and alone. You have no reference point. Others can give us a reference point in fact from the beginning of our lives our parents do.

“You’re such a good girl or boy”

“You are growing so quickly”

“It was only yesterday you were a baby!”

This brings us to today’s episode which is all about relationships as mirrors.

The purpose of mirrors

When you go to the gym, there are so many mirrors around. So why all the mirrors?

Well, for one you can see your form, your technique, if you are doing something properly.

Two, it’s an ego boost right? Right in front of you, you can see how your body is shaping, yes looking good girl and what your body looks like when you’re working out.

Just like how mirrors in a gym provide a reference point to yourself, relationships are a reference point to yourself internally. 

Every relationship we have is a mirror whether it’s romantic or not, whether you are single or not.

This means your friend, your sibling, your family, your partner, your colleague and so forth. 

What do you mean a mirror?

What do I mean by a mirror?

Well, every quality you see in another whether you like it or not, is a reflection of yourself. Attitudes, behaviours, beliefs, values, programming. In order to recognise a certain quality, you must be able to see it within yourself. What the mirror reflects, you may be aware or unaware of within yourself.

Once you do the work and you’re aware, you can’t just stop there. It’s one thing to be aware and it’s another thing to do the damn work! If you don’t like what you see in the mirror, don’t get mad at the mirror, clean the mirror.

And here’s some even deeper insight for you.

We subconsciously seek out what we need to heal in ourselves in relationships so you can be at ease with mistakes you’ve made. It’s okay, in fact they needed to happen, to teach you, to wake you up no matter how many you make. 

My personal example of mirroring in relationships

After all I needed to make mistakes and learn so much when I was single for 8 years!

A personal example I share with you is that I used to date all the wrong people. In these relationships I felt lonely – I didn’t feel like my needs were being met and I felt unheard. It would be so difficult for them to make time for me or consider me a priority in their life. I felt unworthy when they would not commit to a relationship with me or introduce me to their friends. 

This pattern would play out for many years, I suspected it had something to do with me but I didn’t do the work. I just scratched upon the surface.

After doing the work and having a coach, I realised that this all reflected my relationship with myself. 

I didn’t meet my own needs – I never vocalised what I wanted and I wanted someone else to meet my needs for me. Make me feel loved, special and worthy. I didn’t make myself a priority, I would value their time and bend over backwards to make their schedule work with mine. 

Oh they can’t meet up that day but can do this day? Ahh! I was meant to meet up with this friend, but if I do, I won’t be able to see them so I’d bail on my friend to see them. A big no no! 

The commitment phobeness? I wasn’t committed to myself and my growth. I was emotionally unavailable, looking for love where deep down I knew I wouldn’t find someone to reciprocate it because if they did I wasn’t ready. They served as a distraction to needing to love myself, needing to be vulnerable with myself. 

A two way mirror

Not only that, mirrors aren’t confined they are two way. What you pick up in a business situation may play itself out in the context of a relationship. For example if you find it hard to ask for a pay rise at work, you may find it hard to ask someone for commitment in a relationship. 

The Seven Essene Mirrors

To further delve in to the work of relationships and mirrors is to see it from the seven essene mirrors. 

The ancient Essenes who’s work are the mirrors, are an ancient Jewish group who are the authors of the Dead Sea Scrolls. The Egyptians called them healers back in the day. 

Their ancient teachings on the following seven mirrors teach us about how our experiences and relationships reflect different aspects of our selves.

1. The mirror of the moment

In another, you see yourself in the present moment. What is going on in your inner world now reflects in your outer world. For example if you feel chaotic inside, your reality will be chaotic on the outside.

2. The mirror of that which is judged

In another, you see your own biases and judgement particularly big, energetically charged and emotional reactions.

3. The mirror of which is lost, given away or taken away

In another, what can you recognise that you have lost, given away or had taken from yourself? This is to do with your relationship with yourself. 

By seeing what you lose you may be very attracted out his person because they have what you now want and used to have. 

It will make you confront your regret perhaps around being ungrateful. It could be innocence, kindness, respect, love, compassion, honesty. All of which you think you have lost can be reclaimed.

4. The mirror of forgotten love

In another you see a past way of life or an unfinished relationship. This is where we see patterns repeating themselves over and over, particularly compulsive or addictive behaviours. These usually replay over and over until you learn what you need to know and see what you need to see.

5. The mirror of mother/father

In another, you can see the unconscious imprinting of your parents – behaviours, beliefs that aren’t yours to begin with. How are you acting in ways that your parents would have in this situation?

6. The mirror of your quest into darkness

In another, you can see the most feared aspects of self worth, trust, abandonment and loneliness. This mirror is all about the challenging and dark times in your life. An experience we know as the ‘dark knight of the soul’ Knowing that it is happening for a reason, for your growth. 

To trust in yourself that you will find the way and come out stronger, wiser. I found this one harder to explain conceptually so to further share I truly experienced this when I lost my dad. I found myself in a very dark place and would pick up on the darkness in others which I saw in myself. 

This experience deeply changed me as a person, my perception to life in the best way and has helped me help my clients as I am able to hold space for them, I don’t fear the darkness or shadow parts they see in themselves because I also can see it in myself.  

7. The mirror of self perception

In another, you can see how you are. Others will perceive you and treat you according to how you perceive and treat yourself.

If you are have low self esteem and fail to see the good in yourself, you’ll find others struggling to as well.

If you are angry, bitter and unloving towards yourself, you’ll find others treating you so.

The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 16: Relationships As Mirrors Close

This episode definitely calls for self reflection.

What is the mirror of your life revealing to you – circumstances which are happening, relationships in your life.

In the mirror of the moment, here in life it self, this ver moment – are you here now?

If you are looking to further develop your relationship with yourself and others, get in touch with me and let’s chat about working together through 1:1 coaching. 

Have a fantastic week ahead beautiful soul, speak to you next Tuesday. Love and Positivity.

[Episode 16 – Mirrors as Relationships Outro]

Are you wanting to find out more about 1:1 Coaching or working with me? Maybe perhaps you want to know more about me. I’d love to connect with you. You can visit my website phidang.com or connect with me on Instagram @thephidang. Speak to you soon.

Phi Dang