Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang

  • 16: Relationships as Mirrors

    Episode Summary of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 16: Relationships as Mirrors

    The final episode of the L💘VE SERIES. This episode is all about the purpose of love. Why do we love? We learn how relationships are a mirror of ourselves and the seven essene mirror principles.

     

    What you'll learn from this episode

    • What is the purpose of love
    • Twin Flames as Mirrors 
    • How relationships are mirrors
    • The importance of mental mirrors and physical mirrors
    • The 7 Essene Mirror Principles

    Key Quotes from this Episode

    Healthy relationships don’t happen by chance, they happen by awakening.

    Phi Dang

    Just like how mirrors in a gym provide a reference point to yourself, relationships are a reference point to yourself internally.

    Phi Dang

    Relationships make you see things in yourself that you might not see if you are single and alone.

    Phi Dang

    Featured Resources on the episode

    The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 16: Relationships As Mirrors

    You are listening to Episode 16 of the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang: Relationships as Mirrors.

    [Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:

    Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.

    Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.

    My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”

    My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.

    Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.

    This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.

    Ready to grow? Let’s grow!

    [Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]

    [Episode 16 – Relationships as Mirrors Begins]

    Relationships as Mirrors Introduction

    Hello beautiful soul!

    What a journey it has been for the love series.

    Thank you all for your kind words on the Instagram posts, reels and podcasts so far. I appreciate it so much.

    Thank you all for reaching out to me in the DMs on Instagram, I reply to all my DMs (unless you’re cold selling to me or begging me to follow you back sorry I’m not about that!) and love speaking to each and every one of you.

    Thank you to all my clients, it’s an honour to be part of your life and journey in this very moment. Love and relationships are a key area of my coaching and I am seeing incredible transformations across the board.

    Client Wins in Relationships, Dating and Love

    One of my clients was a self professed crying, heartbroken wreck from an unexpected breakup a few months ago. Two months into our coaching, she attended a party where her ex showed up and she felt like a whole new person – calm, so deeply in love with herself and unaffected by his presence. 

    Another two of my clients have transitioned from casual relationships to committed relationships with their flings and friends with benefits through the incredible work they’ve done working on themselves particularly self love and stepping up through their communication which is amazing, I am so proud of them.

    For my other clients we are working through heartbreak whether that’s moving on from past relationships or breaking up with partners in relationships that no longer serve them. On that I wanted to share, when you do the work and start shifting stagnant energy, don’t be surprised when you find yourself attracted to new energies in your life whether that’s in love, relationships, friendships or your career! I see it happen all the time with myself and my clients.

    If the love series has been really resonating and vibing with you, if my client’s successes are what you want, I invite you to DM me on Instagram – let’s chat about 1:1 coaching and working together. I offer a complementary 45 minute call no strings attached to see if we are the right match for each other, you have nothing to lose, so get it on it beautiful soul – I look forward to speaking with you. 

    The final podcast for the series, the purpose of love

    On today’s episode – I can’t believe we are on our final instalment of the series! We’ve gone from episode 13 on love mindset, to self love on episode 14, to the energetics of love on episode 15 now to ending with the thought around the purpose of love.

    Oh yes we go deep!

    Over the weekend I celebrated a beautiful friend’s birthday and I got speaking to another girl on the trip who is in a place of conflict at the moment.

    She’s not sure about the guy she’s dating. Are they meant to be or not?

    I think we have all been there and then she brings up something interesting.

    He might be her twin flame. 

    It feels like a lifetime ago when I think about twin flames.

    Twin Flames as Mirrors

    I think I met mine at the beginning of my spiritual awakening.

    For those who don’t know what a twin flame is, it’s a very intense soul connection with another to the point you are thought to be another person’s half. The idea of a twin flame is that you are part of one original soul that has been split into two bodies.

    He gave me the book, The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle and the rest is history. In fact I am re reading the book 8 years later and it truly resonates with me now more than ever. To be honest, back then I was only really starting to understand spirituality whereas now I practice it. 

    I fell so deeply and passionately for him but it wasn’t meant to be.

    He was definitely emotionally unavailable and I triggered him big time – especially going through my dad being very ill and passing away. 

    In fact it was very short lived but it served a huge purpose.

    I am so thankful to him that I got to wake up before my dad passed and to share with him I finally understood all the consciousness principles he would speak about long before I even knew what it meant to be awake and conscious. 

    I’ve always been under the belief that we are not meant to be with our twin flames in a lifetime, rather they are a mirror to yourself. A catalyst for your soul growth.

    I believe relationships are some of our biggest spiritual assignment. Healthy relationships don’t happen by chance, they happen by awakening.

    Relationships are reference points

    Relationships make you see things in yourself that you might not see if you are single and alone. You have no reference point. Others can give us a reference point in fact from the beginning of our lives our parents do.

    “You’re such a good girl or boy”

    “You are growing so quickly”

    “It was only yesterday you were a baby!”

    This brings us to today’s episode which is all about relationships as mirrors.

    The purpose of mirrors

    When you go to the gym, there are so many mirrors around. So why all the mirrors?

    Well, for one you can see your form, your technique, if you are doing something properly.

    Two, it’s an ego boost right? Right in front of you, you can see how your body is shaping, yes looking good girl and what your body looks like when you’re working out.

    Just like how mirrors in a gym provide a reference point to yourself, relationships are a reference point to yourself internally. 

    Every relationship we have is a mirror whether it’s romantic or not, whether you are single or not.

    This means your friend, your sibling, your family, your partner, your colleague and so forth. 

    What do you mean a mirror?

    What do I mean by a mirror?

    Well, every quality you see in another whether you like it or not, is a reflection of yourself. Attitudes, behaviours, beliefs, values, programming. In order to recognise a certain quality, you must be able to see it within yourself. What the mirror reflects, you may be aware or unaware of within yourself.

    Once you do the work and you’re aware, you can’t just stop there. It’s one thing to be aware and it’s another thing to do the damn work! If you don’t like what you see in the mirror, don’t get mad at the mirror, clean the mirror.

    And here’s some even deeper insight for you.

    We subconsciously seek out what we need to heal in ourselves in relationships so you can be at ease with mistakes you’ve made. It’s okay, in fact they needed to happen, to teach you, to wake you up no matter how many you make. 

    My personal example of mirroring in relationships

    After all I needed to make mistakes and learn so much when I was single for 8 years!

    A personal example I share with you is that I used to date all the wrong people. In these relationships I felt lonely – I didn’t feel like my needs were being met and I felt unheard. It would be so difficult for them to make time for me or consider me a priority in their life. I felt unworthy when they would not commit to a relationship with me or introduce me to their friends. 

    This pattern would play out for many years, I suspected it had something to do with me but I didn’t do the work. I just scratched upon the surface.

    After doing the work and having a coach, I realised that this all reflected my relationship with myself. 

    I didn’t meet my own needs – I never vocalised what I wanted and I wanted someone else to meet my needs for me. Make me feel loved, special and worthy. I didn’t make myself a priority, I would value their time and bend over backwards to make their schedule work with mine. 

    Oh they can’t meet up that day but can do this day? Ahh! I was meant to meet up with this friend, but if I do, I won’t be able to see them so I’d bail on my friend to see them. A big no no! 

    The commitment phobeness? I wasn’t committed to myself and my growth. I was emotionally unavailable, looking for love where deep down I knew I wouldn’t find someone to reciprocate it because if they did I wasn’t ready. They served as a distraction to needing to love myself, needing to be vulnerable with myself. 

    A two way mirror

    Not only that, mirrors aren’t confined they are two way. What you pick up in a business situation may play itself out in the context of a relationship. For example if you find it hard to ask for a pay rise at work, you may find it hard to ask someone for commitment in a relationship. 

    The Seven Essene Mirrors

    To further delve in to the work of relationships and mirrors is to see it from the seven essene mirrors. 

    The ancient Essenes who’s work are the mirrors, are an ancient Jewish group who are the authors of the Dead Sea Scrolls. The Egyptians called them healers back in the day. 

    Their ancient teachings on the following seven mirrors teach us about how our experiences and relationships reflect different aspects of our selves.

    1. The mirror of the moment

    In another, you see yourself in the present moment. What is going on in your inner world now reflects in your outer world. For example if you feel chaotic inside, your reality will be chaotic on the outside.

    2. The mirror of that which is judged

    In another, you see your own biases and judgement particularly big, energetically charged and emotional reactions.

    3. The mirror of which is lost, given away or taken away

    In another, what can you recognise that you have lost, given away or had taken from yourself? This is to do with your relationship with yourself. 

    By seeing what you lose you may be very attracted out his person because they have what you now want and used to have. 

    It will make you confront your regret perhaps around being ungrateful. It could be innocence, kindness, respect, love, compassion, honesty. All of which you think you have lost can be reclaimed.

    4. The mirror of forgotten love

    In another you see a past way of life or an unfinished relationship. This is where we see patterns repeating themselves over and over, particularly compulsive or addictive behaviours. These usually replay over and over until you learn what you need to know and see what you need to see.

    5. The mirror of mother/father

    In another, you can see the unconscious imprinting of your parents – behaviours, beliefs that aren’t yours to begin with. How are you acting in ways that your parents would have in this situation?

    6. The mirror of your quest into darkness

    In another, you can see the most feared aspects of self worth, trust, abandonment and loneliness. This mirror is all about the challenging and dark times in your life. An experience we know as the ‘dark knight of the soul’ Knowing that it is happening for a reason, for your growth. 

    To trust in yourself that you will find the way and come out stronger, wiser. I found this one harder to explain conceptually so to further share I truly experienced this when I lost my dad. I found myself in a very dark place and would pick up on the darkness in others which I saw in myself. 

    This experience deeply changed me as a person, my perception to life in the best way and has helped me help my clients as I am able to hold space for them, I don’t fear the darkness or shadow parts they see in themselves because I also can see it in myself.  

    7. The mirror of self perception

    In another, you can see how you are. Others will perceive you and treat you according to how you perceive and treat yourself.

    If you are have low self esteem and fail to see the good in yourself, you’ll find others struggling to as well.

    If you are angry, bitter and unloving towards yourself, you’ll find others treating you so.

    The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 16: Relationships As Mirrors Close

    This episode definitely calls for self reflection.

    What is the mirror of your life revealing to you – circumstances which are happening, relationships in your life.

    In the mirror of the moment, here in life it self, this ver moment – are you here now?

    If you are looking to further develop your relationship with yourself and others, get in touch with me and let’s chat about working together through 1:1 coaching. 

    Have a fantastic week ahead beautiful soul, speak to you next Tuesday. Love and Positivity.

    [Episode 16 – Mirrors as Relationships Outro]

    Are you wanting to find out more about 1:1 Coaching or working with me? Maybe perhaps you want to know more about me. I’d love to connect with you. You can visit my website phidang.com or connect with me on Instagram @thephidang. Speak to you soon.

    Click here to read more

  • 15: How To Be A Magnet For Love

    Episode Summary of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 15: How To Be A Magnet For Love

    Part 3 of 4 of the brand new L💘VE SERIES. Learn how to be a super charged magnet to attract love into your life in an easy and effortless way through energetic principles.

     

    What you'll learn from this episode

    • How to be a magnet for love to attract love into your life
    • How you co create with the universe
    • The energetics of love

    Key Quotes from this Episode

    You are a co creator with the universe. You work hand in hand with the universe to create your reality through your energy, your being, your presence, how you show up in the world.

    Phi Dang

    You are always magnetic, so what are you pulling into your world?

    Phi Dang

    Love is so abundant. It’s infinite. There isn’t just enough for everyone, there’s more than enough for everyone.

    Phi Dang

    Featured Resources on the episode

    The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 15: How To Be A Magnet For Love

    You are listening to Episode 15 of the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang: How To Be A Magnet For Love

    [Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:

    Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.

    Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.

    My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”

    My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.

    Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.

    This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.

    Ready to grow? Let’s grow!

    [Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]

    [Episode 15 – How To Be A Magnet For Love Begins]

    How To Be A Magnet For Love Introduction

    Hello beautiful soul!

    I am so happy to have you here. Thank you, I appreciate you. I am feeling so good, in flow and ease. I recently made a 4 figure investment into an energetic alignment course that felt uncomfortable and scary but so right. I literally felt my heart tug at me to do it.

    Of course I had all the triggers. What if you are wasting your money. You wanted to save your money for this and blah blah blah. Honestly I could see and feel my scarcity mindset come through and I was not for it.

    It was keeping me stuck and small.

    Hand on heart, I know every investment I make will always have a return. Being a life coach myself it’s so important I am always learning, growing and evolving so that I can be the best life coach. To hold space for my clients. To ask better questions of my clients. To be able to share more with my clients.

    And so, I sat with the feeling. I felt deep into my heart.

    No payment plan, I paid in full. 

    I leaned into the trigger with love instead of running away from it with fear and it felt so delicious. So expansive. So turned on. Just so much yes for it. I am truly leaning into what it feels like in my body, the vibrations, the sensations, the energy.

    It feels so magnetically good. I can’t wait. 

    Celebrating L💘VE SERIES - Win a 1:1 coaching intensive with me

    Before I dive into today’s episode, I wanted to remind you about the celebration I launched for the love series! If you are loving the podcast, I invite you to leave a review, screenshot it and DM it to me on instagram or email it to me at hi@phidang.com for your chance to win a 1:1 75 minute coaching intensive worth $350. Not only that if you say hi, I want to personally thank you!

    A special thank you to my boyfriend

    Just one more thing whilst I remember, today is actually my one year anniversary with my boyfriend. I am so appreciative of you, I appreciate your support, I couldn’t have done it without you… ohhhh

    I totally just caught myself in this moment in this very moment saying “ couldn’t have done it without you…” I feel like society expects us to say stuff like this but he knows this – I totally could have done it without him. It’s just having his support meant so much to me and helped me go through times when it can get tough having your own business so thank you. 

    How To Be A Magnet For Love Foundations

    Today’s episode is the third in the love series and it is all about love and energy, how to be a magnet for love.

    This episode will focus on the energetics of attracting and being a magnet for love. 

    If you haven’t listened to Episode 13 – The Mindset of Love and Episode 14 – How to Make Self Love A Priority, I strongly recommend doing so as they form the foundations required to be the energetic match for love. I’ll make sure to leave episode links in the show notes for you.

    Understanding the thoughts and mindset you need to be in to attract love and if you already deeply love yourself, being a magnet for love is so effortless and easy.

    The energetics of love, you are a co creator with the Universe

    Let’s dive into the energetics of love. 

    You are a co creator with the universe. You work hand in hand with the universe to create your reality through your energy, your being, your presence, how you show up in the world.

    You are always magnetic, so what are you pulling into your world?

    You are always an energetic magnet

    When it comes to love you will always attract like for like.

    It’s the law of attraction in action. 

    If you’re emotionally unavailable, you’ll attract emotionally unavailable. 

    If you’re serious about love, you’ll attract someone serious about love. 

    If you want someone who is really caring and understanding, you have to be caring and understanding.

    If you want someone passionate and fiery, you have to be passionate and fiery.

    If you want someone successful, you have to be successful. 

    Be conscious of the energy you are putting out there. Be conscious of the energy you are receiving. What is it telling you about yourself?

    Phi's personal example

    As an example, personally I used to attract a lot of men who were afraid of commitment for every reason under the sun. Still hurt by an ex. Wanting to play and have it all.

    It was very uncomfortable and confronting to realise the common denominator was me.

    What did it say about the fact I was attracting emotionally unavailable men that I was in fact emotionally unavailable. I thought I wanted love but my actions said otherwise. I was looking for love in all the wrong places, places I knew I would not find love deep down.

    I also used to date a lot very powerful men. Bankers, doctors, lawyers.

    What was this telling me about myself?

    I felt drawn to their power and status because I didn’t feel like I had power and status (even though I did). I was high on their halo effect because dating them made me feel good about myself.

    The secret is to get curious. Awareness if the first step but take it further, okay why am I doing this? Why am I attracting this. What role do I play in this because I always play a role.

    Doing this work showed myself and the universe I was serious about love.

    Are you actually serious about love?

    So I’ve been repeating this concept I’m about to share a lot on Instagram because when you get this concept, you get it! You understand how you are shaping your reality.

    If you’re serious about love and you’re putting it out there in the universe, the universe will hear you. The universe will see you. The universe is so high vibe, loving and abundant. 

    The universe wants to give you what you want.

    The question is are you an energetic match for what you want.

    If you say you’re serious about finding love, do your actions match that?

    Are you open to love?

    Are you meeting new people?

    Are you doing on dates?

    Are you only dating people you know who are also open and ready for love?

    Are you showing up as your best self?

    Or are you hung up in the past. Stuck on an ex. Living in memory lane. Reminiscing. Missing. Stalking on social media.

    Are you dating people who you know deep down aren’t looking for a relationship? Just for fun.

    Are you closed off to love, not giving anyone the opportunity to meet you?

    Mmmm it’s something to think about when it comes to being a magnet for love.

    Disconnect and untether from your past if you want to be a magnet for love

    If you are still stuck in your past when it comes to love, it’s time to disconnect from the past.

    The past is gone.

    It’s already happened, you can’t change it.

    So if you’re feeling stuck and holding on, that’s you.

    Are you aware of that? That it is you keeping you stuck in your past. Not your ex. Not the person you had a thing with, you.

    This stagnant pent up energy is blocking you from magnetising new love.

    The universe demands you learn your lessons before moving forward. 

    How can you disconnect from the past?

    You could visualise scissors cutting you off energetically from the past.

    You could forgive what has happened in the past, not for them but for you. 

    I have a full in depth episode dedicated to forgiveness, episode 6, I’ll put the link in the show notes.

    When you are free from your past, your hurt, your anger, your disappointment, your pain, your heart ache, your sadness, you are open to love.

    You have less baggage, less ties, less heaviness. 

    An open heart is a magnet for love

    Your open heart is a magnet for love.

    Are you tuning into the high vibe, high frequency of love?

    Are you embodying love?

    Are you being love?

    Are you giving love freely without expectation of anything in return.

    Are you loving yourself?

    Are you feeling love in your whole being, in every thing you do?

    Are you giving love to those in your circle?

    Are you grateful for the love you already have in your life?

    Are you radiating love?

    Understand that love is always available and abundant

    Love isn’t just romance. Love is everywhere.

    Love is one of the most powerful and high frequency energies in this universe.

    If you want to be a magnet for it, you’ve got to be equally and energetically there.

    Love is so abundant. It’s infinite.

    There isn’t just enough for everyone, there’s more than enough for everyone.

    It’s over flowing so bathe and bask in the feeling of love. It’s always available. It’s up to you if you are open for it. 

    Love starts with you.

    In loving yourself.

    In forgiving yourself.

    In having deep compassion for yourself.

    In your ability to hold space for yourself.

    Are you open to love?

    Are you open to receiving love?

    Do you think you are worthy of love?

    Be a magnet for love through visualisation

    Visualisation is so powerful for love. It allows you to tap into the feelings of love, to embody love in your body and to magnetise love.

    What does it feel like to be with your person?

    What do you do together?

    What is life like together?

    The more you can flow into this vision, the better.

    The details. The coffee they like to drink. The way they laugh.

    Lean into love and imagine. Allow yourself to feel love and see the love you can have.

    Be a magnet for love by believing, loving letting go and trusting the Universe

    One of the hardest but most important principles in being a magnet for love is to lovingly let go, trust and believe love is coming.

    Seriously, I used to think it was a load of woo but genuinely when I met my now boyfriend I told the universe, I’m serious about love and I’m letting go and trusting you.

    When I wasn’t looking for him, he came to me. Just like that, after 8 years being singled.

    I had finally shown and proven to the universe that I was ready because I was!

    I did the hard work, confronting myself – the thoughts I had that kept me small and blocked from love.

    Finding love is so difficult.

    I’ll be single forever.

    I’ll never find love.

    I overcame these limiting beliefs and backed it up with my actions.

    Going on dates, feeling all the abundance of love in my life already, investing in a dating coach.

    It took me 8 years to get there because I thought I had done the work but I hadn’t. It was superficial. I didn’t go deep enough.

    Be a magnet for love by being who you really are, being authentic

    The final principle I will share on how to be come a magnet for love is being truly authentic.

    Being who you are.

    If you act as someone else, whoever falls in love with you won’t really be falling in love with you but a mask.

    When you are living in authenticity, you will radiate love with ease and be a magnet for love.

    This is because when you are yourself, there is such a palpable energy about it.

    People can’t help but be drawn into it.

    When you can fully love and be yourself, you give out signals to others hey it’s okay to fully love and be yourself too.

    When you speak your truth and from your heart, that is magnetising.

    Pretending and acting gets tiring and wears you down.

    Don’t worry about who you repel, you don’t want them anyway and they don’t want you.

    A recap and summary of how to be a magnet for love

    Recapping it all, the keys to becoming a magnet for love are:

    • Co creating with the universe  
    • Being an energetic match for the love you want, like attracts like
    • Releasing what keeps you stuck in the past
    • Having an open heart
    • Embodying love and expanding into abundance
    • Visualising with great detail the love you desire
    • Trusting the universe and letting go with love 

    The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 15: How To Be A Magnet For Love Close

    Beautiful soul, I hope you enjoyed today’s beautiful episode. 

    If this episode really resonated with you, I invite you to hop on a free 45 minute call with me to chat about working together through 1:1 coaching. Give yourself so much love by investing in yourself. Working together means rapid expansion and growth. Abundant love. Feeling so good, whole and free. Feeling in divine alignment and unshakable confidence in yourself to handle anything life throws your way. DM me on instagram or find out more on my website phidang.com

    Next week’s episode will be the last instalment of the love series on the purpose of love. I’ll speak to you then beautiful soul. Love and positivity. 

    [Episode 15 – How To Be A Magnet For Love Outro]

    Are you wanting to find out more about 1:1 Coaching or working with me? Maybe perhaps you want to know more about me. I’d love to connect with you. You can visit my website phidang.com or connect with me on Instagram @thephidang. Speak to you soon.

    Click here to read more

  • 14: How To Make Self Love A Priority

    Episode Summary of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 14: How To Make Self Love A Priority

    This is this second part of four of the brand new L💘VE SERIES. This episode is all about practical tips on how to make self love a priority in your life all day, every day. Everything from priorities to boundaries, you don’t want to miss this episode.

     

    What you'll learn from this episode

    • Why self love is hard 
    • How to make self love a priority in your life
    • Phi’s personal blocks to self love that involve a past relationship 
    • Making time for yourself is important 
    • What happens you don’t love yourself
    • Boundaries
    • Listening to your intuition 
    • Honesty & Authenticity 

    Key Quotes from this Episode

    If you don’t make yourself your own priority who will? It’s not your family, friends or partners job. They don’t live just for you. 


    Phi Dang

    Boundaries are an act of self love and function of self respect.

    Phi Dang

    The most successful people in the world have a team of helpers.



    Phi Dang

    Featured Resources on the episode

    The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 14: How To Make Self Love A Priority

    You are listening to Episode 14 of the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang: The Mindset of Love

    [Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:

    Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.

    Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.

    My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”

    My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.

    Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.

    This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.

    Ready to grow? Let’s grow!

    [Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]

    [Episode 14 – How To Make Self Love A Priority Begins]

    Hi Beautiful Soul! 

    Welcome to the second podcast of the L💘VE SERIES.

     It’s almost Valentine’s Day and love is in the air. I actually attended my cousin’s wedding over the weekend, it was so much fun and moved me to tears to see the love between A&C. Congratulations fam! 

    Love is in the air for my clients

    Love is also in the air for my clients! I recently spoke to one of my old clients, who I worked with to help him move forward from past relationships including a divorce holding him back. We worked on his self love and particularly his boundaries which led to him getting back on the dating scene sooner rather than later. He was ready, he was just scared – as we all would be.

    He is now in the early stages of dating someone who isn’t his usual type which I love because I recall us working together on love manifestation and scripting – to see it come to life is so wonderful. 

    Another beautiful soul who just invested in herself through 1:1 coaching has attracted a beautiful man in her life who shares her values of spirituality – it’s early days but the energy is so good and seeing her smile makes me so happy! 

    It’s so funny how the universe works, it can see you working on yourself, investing in yourself and you just become a magnet for abundance and everything you want. It’s not surprise as you are vibrating on higher frequency. I LOVE IT! These are a few of the love stories unfolding and for my other clients it’s all about self love! This ties in nicely.

    With the Love Series, we kicked it off last week with your love mindset and now we are talking about self love.

    You don't learn about self love when you are younger

    From a young age we are taught to give and extend love toward others. 

    Be kind to your siblings and friends, share your toys and treats but we are never really taught to do the same thing for ourselves.

    This episode is all about how to make self love a priority, how to make self love your priority. 

    Identify your blocks to self love

    So many of us go around listening to the self talk in our heads without ever questioning it. We run with it as if it is the truth. Your thoughts are not facts. To prioritise self love is to figure out what is blocking you from loving yourself.

    This is something I do regularly with my clients, as a life coach having an objective party to listen and support you is something so important.

    Regular block to self love that I see are taking on other people’s labels of you e.g. you are selfish or you are ugly, the past – basing your lovability on how someone has treated you whether that’s your family or past relationships and our up bringing – A time that usually stands out for most people is during high school being surrounded by other kids and the way they treat us.

    Phi's personal example of a block to self love

    I’ll share my personal example with love. Growing up as an only child, I really craved a lot of love and attention. As mentioned the beginning of the podcast not many of us are taught we need to give it to ourselves and it makes sense at a young age it’s hard to grasp and comprehend this concept. So to that I always looked for love outside of myself and I felt that I had to perform to get this love.

    I had to look nice to get compliments or do really well in my studies to get praise. It wasn’t until my first relationship a high school sweetheart that I realised the way I was through his feedback. He used to tell me I was so selfish and I carried that baggage for a long time. I took it as a fact and went onto date people where my boundaries would slip and slide – I was too scared to have my own wants and needs because I was ‘selfish’.

    Now I know that it wasn’t on me to meet his needs and wants because the only person who is responsible for that is you. He expected me to make him happy, to cheer him up when he was sad and to always think of him before me.

    If anyone says that its your responsibility to make them happy, to help them get out of debt, to boost their career whatever the answer is no. It’s on us as self reliant adults to do the work! I came to this place after doing my own personal development and working with mentors such as a life coach. So this leads me into my first point on how to make self love your priority…

    Personal Development always

    Most of us may finish school or university and then we stop working on ourselves. Always strive to keep learning and growing as what this podcast is all about ‘don’t just go through life, grow through it’. It usually takes a huge life event for us to pause and reflect. A death. A break up. A break down. Imagine we took the time to check in with ourselves daily. We would know ourselves much better.

    There are so many ways to work on your self growth and development.

    The fact that you are listening to this podcast is one so kudos to you – well done beautiful soul!

    Podcasts are a great way to soak in knowledge and can easily be done on the go.

    Reflecting is also key and I love doing that through daily journaling.

    There's only so much free stuff you can consume...

    As I’ve said before there is a limit to the free stuff you consume whether it’s podcasts, Instagram posts, YouTube videos and books. If you’re serious about working on yourself and investing in yourself DM me on Instagram as I would love to chat about 1:1 coaching.

    Some of my clients literally come to me saying I’ve watched all the videos and I still feel stuck and the same, the reason is because it’s generalised advice. I offer general tips and strategies here through my podcast and on Instagram but it’s through my 1:1 coaching I get to you know you personally and your life experiences so that I can help you get out of your own way, to identify your limiting self believes and crush them so you can become clear and confident so that no matter what happens in your life, you know you will be able to handle it! 2021 is the year to make it happen, so stop waiting and listen to the pull you feel inside – you won’t regret it.

    You O' Clock

    I coined this term because it’s something I believe in passionately. We live such crazy lives, we have so much going on. Your morning sets your tone. Most of us before we even roll out of bed, reach for our phones and scroll. Perhaps scrolling through your work emails to make sure you didn’t miss anything or getting your fix of social media. Maybe you have to do something for your kids or partner.

    The best thing to do to start your day is have ‘you o clock’ whether it’s 5 minutes or an hour to yourself. You make time for yourself before anyone else. That way you won’t be resentful to anything else because you own yourself and you start the day for yourself. Some days for me this looks like waking up early, watching the sun rise and going for a swim. Other days it’s simply getting up and spending 2 minutes gently stretching.

    Be Your Own Priority - Have 'Me' Time

    Now time for yourself is not just for the start of the day. It’s an everyday thing and not just one moment. If you don’t make yourself your own priority who will? It’s not your family, friends or partners job. They don’t live just for you.

    When we don’t make time for ourselves we become sloppy and feel sorry for ourselves.

    We burn out from the stress of our lives. We eat too much. We drink too much. We don’t exercise. We don’t work on ourselves at all mentally, physically or emotionally.

    To make self love a priority in your life is to make time for yourself.

    Your ‘me’ time is just like any other important meeting whether it’s a doctor’s appointment or a dinner date. It’s solid time blocked off just for you and to ensure your mind rewires to understand how important your me time is – block out time in your calendar, make it in your calendar with a reminder and make sure you see it on the to do list.

    I love to make ‘me’ time super indulgent in the sense I don’t think about anyone else and I can go into my own world. Some nights maybe I’ll have a block of chocolate and really savour the flavour and other times I treat myself to Uber Eats and a wine. I love to have ‘me’ time after working so I can have some downtime and feel good to prevent burn out which as happened to me a few times before.

    Shed the guilt!

    I will say it again! There is nothing wrong with loving yourself and putting yourself first. Don’t forget that putting yourself first isn’t selfish, it is necessary.

    Don’t feel guilty. Life can be a rollercoaster of emotions and the last thing you need is to make yourself feel worse by guilting yourself. It isn’t necessary! Why do we take better care of others but not ourselves?

    Put on your own life vest and air supply before you help the people around you. Your health and wellbeing doesn’t come at the expense of others. You aren’t required to help others at the expense of yourself.

    Guilt free living is truly being comfortable with yourself and living in acceptance. Acceptance of who you are and where you are in life. You can only control certain things, you can’t control everything. It is to be at peace with your decisions and being in the present moment. Anything that costs your inner peace including guilt is too expensive. 

    Ensure you have solid boundaries

    Boundaries are an act of self love and function of self respect. Boundaries exist to respect yourself, they aren’t there to hurt or offend other people. If something doesn’t feel right, our to alignment or wrong it’s an alert and warning to your boundaries. Pay attention to your boundaries, don’t override them and dismiss them. Boundaries are trusting your gut and soul over your fears and triggers.

    Boundaries are where we draw the line when it comes to acceptable and unacceptable behaviour in regards to how people behave around you and treat you.

    Having boundaries are non negotiable, you enforce boundaries consistently to show what you will and will not put up with. Even if this means losing someone in your life no matter how much your heart and libidio want otherwise.

     

    Figure out your boundaries and put those babies up!

    Struggling with boundaries?

    Without boundaries you will likely have a low self esteem, feel drained, feel heartbroken and disappointed with yourself.

    If you’re having trouble don’t be too hard on yourself, we aren’t born with boundaries, we learn to develop them initially through the caregivers in our lives like our parents and as adults we learn to fully develop our own boundaries and set them.

    If you’re struggling I feel you, I used to as well as my clients. I would love to help you, send me a DM on Instagram and let’s chat about working out what your boundaries are, the problems popping up and chat about 1:1 coaching.

    Listen to your intuition

    As a life coach I am the first to be like watch your thoughts and do the thought work.

    However it is also so important to tune in with your heart, your soul, your body.

    Often that inner voice of yours will reside in your heart or in your stomach.

    It’s been something I have been working on with clients to strengthen that inner voice who will always have your best interests at heart. The inner voice as been a part of sessions to help a client with business decisions, relationships and when a client feels lost and unsure which direction to go in.

    We are guilty of ignoring gut feelings (which are guardian angels of your intuition, your inner voice) or we push the limits when we are exhausted leading to a lack of sleep, headaches or maybe overdoing it at the gym. This is very much tied into my previous point on ensuring you have boundaries.

    We live in a society that values the head but has forgotten about the heart, I think it is a balance of both. If you stop listening to your intuition it’s strength fades, although never disappears. It’s such an important muscle to build and tune into it for it is your biggest ally.

    Ask for help when you need it

    You are not weak for needing help, in fact you are so strong for doing so.

    The most successful people in the world have a team of helpers.

    I think about celebrities. It takes a team of people to help them to where they are and to look so flawless all the time.

    Someone to help do their makeup.

    Someone to help book their jobs.

    Someone to help raise their children.

    Someone to do their hair.

    Someone to do their makeup.

    It goes on and applies in the business world.

    Someone to do their expenses.

    Someone to book their appointments.

    Someone to reply to emails.

    Someone to research potential clients.

    Someone to sell.

    Success happens with help. Even the most successful people turn to life coaches, psychologists and mentors. Who is in your team of help?

    Be honest with yourself

    Acknowledge when you are at your limits.

    Acknowledge when you are struggling with something.

    Acknowledge when you are hiding behind the same stories and limiting beliefs.

    Sometimes we get so used to labelling ourselves a certain way we fail to realise the label we attach to ourselves is not even true.

    Honesty goes a long way with the self especially self trust.

    At times we are dishonest to protect ourselves but in the end it will suppress and stifle who you truly are at the cost of self denial which leads to shame, a toxic place.

    When we truly deeply and unconditionally love ourselves we are living with true authenticity. We are free from deceit and secrecy. We live with soul, with compassion, we are whole.

    Start with being honest to yourself in your head and heart. Seek to do shadow work which can be confronting. Seek to work on your wounds and trauma. Be kind and gentle with yourself.

    The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 14: How To Make Self Love A Priority Close

    Those are some of my tips on how to make self love a priority for yourself. As I’ve said throughout this episode self love doesn’t come naturally. If you are looking to learn how to love yourself truly, not just say it or assume that a self care sunday makes you love yourself then please get in touch and let’s chat. I would love to help you.

    I will chat to you again next Tuesday beautiful, for the third part of the love series focusing on the energetics of love and self love. Love and positivity.

    I’ve helped clients heal from heartbreak, move on from ex’s, during the dating progress providing support along the way (if you didn’t know, my 1:1 clients also get text support from me between sessions which is so valuable being able to ask me anything from how do I reply to this text message or how do I work on my feelings of jealousy and insecurity). 

    I’ve even had clients call in love through new relationships. So if you’re hearing the call for coaching, please get in touch and let’s make 2021 your biggest year yet for love.

    Next week’s episode will be about self love and I’m really excited to speak to that! 

    Speak to you next Tuesday beautiful soul. Love and Positivity.

    [Episode 14 – How To Make Self Love A Priority Outro]

    Are you wanting to find out more about 1:1 Coaching or working with me? Maybe perhaps you want to know more about me. I’d love to connect with you. You can visit my website phidang.com or connect with me on Instagram @thephidang. Speak to you soon.

    Click here to read more

  • 13: The Mindset of Love

    Episode Summary of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 13: The Mindset of Love

    This is this first part of four of the brand new L💘VE SERIES. We kickstart the series with mindset. Your love mindset. Your mindset impacts every part of your love life. In this podcast I share 7 mind blowing shifts you can to increase the love in your life.

     

    What you'll learn from this episode

    • What is the mindset of love?
    • How your mindset impacts love
    • 7 mind blowing shifts for a love mindset

    Key Quotes from this Episode

    Love exists in so many forms, people are so quick to jump to the thought of a relationship with someone outside of themselves but really love starts with you.

    Phi Dang

    Love and pain exist in the same place within your heart. So when you shut down to pain and fear, you also shut down to love.

    Phi Dang

    If you don’t understand that love is infinite you will always believe you need others to others to be the source of love.

    Phi Dang

    Featured Resources on the episode

    The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 13: The Mindset of Love

    You are listening to Episode 13 of the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang: The Mindset of Love

    [Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:

    Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.

    Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.

    My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”

    My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.

    Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.

    This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.

    Ready to grow? Let’s grow!

    [Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]

    [Episode 13 – The Mindset of Love Begins]

    Hello beautiful soul and welcome to February oooh la la the month of love!

    So you know how in last week’s episode I scratched my original idea on your brain is a liar and felt called to speak about understanding your negative emotions… well it’s happened again because February is all about love. 

    For the last few weeks I’ve been in a draining and limiting energy, feeling pressured by needing to this and feeling like I should do that but this? This has shifted the energy. Love has transcended the energy. Love has triumphed. Love! I want to do this!

    It’s been a shift in gears to drop out of my head and into my body. Feel deeply into my heart through a lot of embodiment work and movement (I’m loving gentle stretches at the moment and of course cold swims – you feel so alive – cool, refreshing – seriously the colder the better). [Note: Read more about my Wim Hof cold experience where I attended the World’s First Women’s Wim Hof Retreat in the world!]

    I’m tapping into my feminine energy – the emotive, the fluid and leaning into my heart, to what feels right. Listening to my body’s signals, reconnecting with my intuition and I felt called upon to do this new Love Series which you may have seen launch yesterday on my Instagram @thephidang.

    So what is the L💘VE SERIES?

    It’s all about love.

    Love exists in so many forms, people are so quick to jump to the thought of a relationship with someone outside of themselves but really love starts with you. Loving yourself is love. Loving your pet is love. Loving your family is love. Loving your friends is love. Loving your job is love. Loving the ocean is love. Love is everywhere. Love is infinite, love is abundant. Love is your trust nature, the essence of who you are.

    Love is the most beautiful expansive energy, it’s connection, it’s wholeness, it’s light, it’s happiness.

    Love feels like floating in the sky. Love feels warm in your heart. Love transcends time and space. Love is one of the highest frequencies you can vibrate in.

    So why the L💘VE SERIES?

    Valentine’s Day is around the corner which has many of us thinking about love. Reflecting upon love whether you are single or in a relationship. 

    For 8 years of my life, I was single. I remember struggling and wishing I had someone to talk to (which I eventually did – my first life coach was a dating coach fun fact. Thank you V – you changed my life!). I remember feeling alone, even though I wasn’t. I can assure you also as a coach I have heard many client experiences and so many overlap. 

    Most of us have been there. Hating yourself and trying to convince yourself that you do love yourself. Experiencing heartbreak. Feeling numb, cold and closed off. Wanting a relationship so badly. Trying to change ourselves for someone. Feeling jealous and insecure. Unrequited love. Wanting to go back to an ex. Getting back with an ex. Being with someone who is just so wrong for you but it feels so good (sometimes!). Wanting to define the relationship. Being in a situationship. Friends with benefits but you want more, dealing with cheating … The love list goes on.

    The Love Series exists so I can share with you how to approach love through the key pillars of 1:1 coaching: mindset, self love, energy and purpose. To help you feel more love in your life by removing and melting obstacles in your way. To shed your pain and fears. That’s why the love series exists. 

    L💘VE SERIES Competition - Win a 75 minute 1:1 coaching intensive

    I’m so excited for you to join me over the next 4 weeks as I discuss all things love here on the podcast and on my Instagram @thephidang daily in the feed and stories. Announcing here first, to celebrate the launch of the L💘VE SERIES, I am giving away 3 x 75 minute 1:1 coaching intensives with me worth $320 each. Everyone who writes one I will also personally write you a love letter to thank you! It would mean so much to me and I really appreciate it.

    All you have to do is leave a review in Apple Podcasts during this month February 2021 you will go into the random draw to win. Screenshot your review and DM it to me @thephidang or send it to my email hi@phidang.com. The competition closes 1st of March 2021 [Australian Eastern Standard Time]. Good luck beautiful souls! 

    The Love Mindset

    Be love. Do love.

    Every time you do something out of love, it raises the vibration of the entire universe. 

    Return home to love because love is the essence of your being.

    Be the person you want to be with.

    True, pure love is unencumbered from wanting something in return or having love with conditions.

    If you are familiar with the bible, a Corinthians verse encapsulates love beautifully. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 

    What a beautiful description of what love is.

    Such as a beautiful selflessness, it’s just so much love brimming and flowing from out of you.

    It’s such a natural high.

    Love is without ego. Love is just pure love, it’s always in the best interest, you know – out of love.

    Love is a journey, it won't always be smooth

    I heard this very cheesy corny line but really it’s true:

    "Love is a journey starting at forever and ending at never.”

    Unknown

    Really it’s true though (it is corny!)

    Whether you are single or in a relationship, love is a life long journey.

    Even in love, there is always more love to give beyond a partner.

    When single, love is the journey of self discovery and dating.

    In this journey, it is inevitable to experience heart ache but see it as this.

    See rejection and heartbreak as redirection. 

    Enjoy the journey and you’ll always be in love.

    Stop searching for love outside of yourself only

    Classic movies and fairytales have led us astray when it comes to love. It’s set up unrealistic expectations about love.

    Prince Charming will rescue you.

    When you are in love everything will be better. You will be happier.

    You need someone to complete you.

    Love happens at a young age.

    When you look for love outside of you it will always be out of control and you will always see yourself as a victim. At the mercy of outside external influences.

    Choose to see the other lessons in these tales.

    Be true to yourself (Ariel in the Little Mermaid).

    Give your relationship room to grow (Beauty and the Beast).

    Honesty is the best policy (Mulan).

    Don’t forget about your friends (Snow White).

    The past is in the past. Let it Go (Frozen).

    As you can see I am a massive fan of Disney and it’s so lovely to rewatch the movies as an adult. To see the different lessons you can notice compared to when you were a kid, you just pick up on so much more.

    You have to let love in

    When your heart is closed because you are scared, because you don’t think you are worthy, because you are protecting yourself, you are closing the door to love. 

    Love cannot enter your heart to heal, to restore, to strengthen. 

    Love and pain exist in the same place within your heart. 

    So when you shut down to pain and fear, you also shut down to love.

    Believe you are worthy of love

    Seriously because you are. 

    The biggest block I see with clients is a deep subconscious belief that for some reason they are not good enough or not worthy of love. Love is your birth right. You do not have to do anything to be loveable or worthy of love. 

    The analogy I like to use is that of babies. When babies are born, we immediately love them. 

    We don’t not love them because they can’t do anything or because they cry and can’t control when they go to the bathroom. 

    We just love them.

    They don’t need to do anything to be lovable. 

    You were a baby once, therefore you are already lovable. 

    You don’t have to be a ‘good’ girl or boy, to follow the rules. You don’t have to do a certain job, look a certain way, be a certain weight. You don’t have to be perfect.

    If you aren’t there yet, start asking yourself: 

    If I truly believed I was worthy of love, the love I want, what would I do? How would I act? Would I accept this behaviour?

    Phi Dang

    Infinite love exists

    There seems to be a limiting belief amongst many that love is limited. That it is finite. To that, I want to share with you a Chinese Proverb with you.

    “Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Love never decreases by being shared.”

    Chinese Proverb

    Such a beautiful analogy.

    Love is not scarce for love is abundant.

    An abundant love mindset reminds you that there is not only someone else out there but multiple people out there when you are heartbroken.

    An abundant love mindset reminds you that when it seems like everyone else is coupled up, there are so many out there for you – you just haven’t met them yet.

    An abundant love mindset reminds you not to settle and to expect the best when it comes to love.

    An abundant love mindset doesn’t care how many dates it has to go on, it knows every date is one step closer to the one.

    An abundant love mindset feels whole, full, brimming with love to share.

    If you don’t understand that love is infinite you will always believe you need others to others to be the source of love.

    You get to choose love, you don’t have to wait for it to choose you

    In each and every moment, you can choose love. 

    You can choose love after your heart breaks and you open up again. 

    You start dating again. You let down your walls. In your vulnerability, you choose love. In your hope, you choose love. In your second love, you choose love.

    You can choose love over fear. 

    You choose love when you take the leap of faith. You choose love in believing there is more than one person out there for you. That no two loves will ever be the same but there is so much abundance with love. You may not have even experienced the depths of love. That a love exists out there beyond your comprehension and dreams.

    You can choose love over hate. 

    You choose love when you decide to not seek revenge. You choose love when you forgive. You choose love when you let go. You choose love when you see the positivity.  You choose love when you speak out. 

    You choose love in the little things.

    Love is in the small things. Making dinner. Asking how their day was. Listening. Falling asleep together. Sunday morning. Forehead Kisses. Coffee and Pancakes. 

    The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 13: The Mindset of Love Close

    Ah my heart is seriously filled with so much joy from today’s episode. If you’re feeling called to work on your love mindset, please DM me on Instagram @thephidang as I can help you and would love to. 

    I’ve helped clients heal from heartbreak, move on from ex’s, during the dating progress providing support along the way (if you didn’t know, my 1:1 clients also get text support from me between sessions which is so valuable being able to ask me anything from how do I reply to this text message or how do I work on my feelings of jealousy and insecurity). 

    I’ve even had clients call in love through new relationships. So if you’re hearing the call for coaching, please get in touch and let’s make 2021 your biggest year yet for love.

    Next week’s episode will be about self love and I’m really excited to speak to that! 

    Speak to you next Tuesday beautiful soul. Love and Positivity.

    Click here to read more

  • 12: Understanding Your Negative Emotions

    Episode Summary of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 12: Understanding Your Negative Emotions

    This episode gets real on negative emotions despite society where we avoid negativity and put up a front of positivity always. Learn about why you have negative emotions and how you create negativity in your mind. We also delve into practical tips and strategies on how to be less negative.

    What you'll learn from this episode

    • Why we feel negative emotions
    • How you create negativity in your mind
    • The role and impact of attention and focus on negativity
    • An instant life hack on being less negative
    • How a simple shift in mindset can change your perspective on negativity

    Key Quotes from this Episode

    Now when you understand that your thoughts determine your reality, you can understand how to make yourself feel certain emotions, you can generate how you want to feel.

    Phi Dang

    Energy flows where focus goes.

    Phi Dang

    You can focus on emotions you don’t want or focus on emotions you do want.

    Phi Dang

    Featured Resources on the episode

    The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 12: Understanding Your Negative Emotions

    You are listening to Episode 12 of the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang: Understanding Your Negative Emotions.

    [Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:

    Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.

    Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.

    My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”

    My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.

    Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.

    This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.

    Ready to grow? Let’s grow!

    [Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]

    [Episode 12 – Understanding Your Negative Emotions Begins]

    Hi Beautiful Soul, so glad you’re here. 

    I want to start this episode with flagging I’m recording in a new location for the podcast so there may be a little background noise a car and bird chip here or there but I didn’t want that to stop me from recording and releasing a new podcast for you.

    Genuinely I usually record in a my clothes wardrobe nook but I’ve been barred from that because my boyfriend is currently ill and so I’m in the office recording it.

    A wardrobe nook – yes it’s actually the best place to record because it keeps all the sound insular and all my clothes muffles background noise. A sneak peak into life now – I love it because one day I know I’ll have my own pro podcasting room in the future – it’s on my manifestation list.  

    How are you doing today? Really how are you doing?

    I have something to confess I had a whole other episode scripted and ready to go but an immense wave of grief hit me.

    It was as to no surprise for it was my dad’s birthday the other day, he would have been in his late sixties.

    It was such a wave of grief that I truly struggled, I felt very low and I have to say every day I cried. 

    Now? I feel okay. I’m good and it’s because through self development and having a coach myself I have learnt to navigate negative emotions. 

    To add to this, this time, last year, whilst I also cried I didn’t feel as low, I was feeling quite upbeat and positive.

    And that’s emotions for you.

    They are waves, they’ll always go up and down, some will be high and low, other times still and flat.

    One thing is for sure, in life you will always be navigating emotions and negativity more often than not given our brain is negatively biased to protect us.

     

    Getting real on social media - the truth about positivity

    As a life coach and as someone with a large community of over 10,000 followers on Instagram – I have made a commitment to myself, my clients and community to always be honest and true. That is to not pretend on social media and in real life that life is all sunshine, rainbows and unicorns because it’s not.

    On social media there is a facade of perfection we put up highly stylised images, we always look happy, in fact we curate so much of it. What images we select, how we portray ourselves and somewhere along the line some of us have believed that it’s real.

    Always happy, always camera ready, always positive. I stand for positivity, authenticity and integrity. To be true. To show you when I feel the lows – what it’s really like and it is sometimes a chaotic mess, a roller coaster. Even as someone is known as the Positivity Queen, I still feel negative sometimes because I am human and positivity doesn’t exclude negativity exclusively. 

    I’ll repeat that again because that’s an important distinction: positivity doesn’t exclude negativity. They require each other. More on that later.

    There’s a misconception as a life coach that all we preach is being happy and positive all the time however that’s not the case. As a life coach I teach my clients to feel the full spectrum of their emotions and practical tools and strategies to understand and navigate their emotions.

    Let it also be known even when you learn tools and strategies, how your mind works though brain based coaching there will still be times you feel negative.

    I have talked to people and have clients who you would think have perfect lives on the outside but on the inside it’s a different reality. Don’t let appearances or social media fool you. 

    Social media along with the media in general – TV shows, movies, radio has somehow led us all to believe that we are always so happy farting rainbows and glitter or that sadness is glamourised in this aching, cool way.

    I want to talk about what other people don’t talk about or are scared to and that is negative emotions because we all go through it.

    So let’s get real on negative emotions on understanding them and owning them.

    Negativity by default

    When I first start working with clients, a lot of the time they think they are just negative by default which is true. Yes. Humans have a negative bias which is evolutionary to keep us safe, being negative compelled us into instant action in an immediate return environment.

    Rustle in the bushes defaults to dangerous animal, take instant action flee which means you are safe. Interpret the rustle as just wind meant no action meant potential of death if that was in fact a dangerous animal.

    For more on this concept, listen to Episode 10 of the Podcast, How to be a Warrior Not Worrier.

    How you create negativity is through your thoughts

    Now acknowledging we have a negative bias, we create our own negativity through our thoughts.

    The world is nothing but neutral circumstances, it is our thinking that determines our feelings of positivity or negativity.

    For example, rain on a weekend is a natural circumstance. 

    Your thinking would determine if that’s a positive or negative, on person may jump to a negative because they can no longer have a picnic outside whereas someone else sees it as a positive – they don’t have to water the plans outside.

    So bring awareness and to attention to your thoughts. How do they create your reality?

    Negativity isn’t only created by overt thoughts in your mind, negativity creeps in through subtle ways.

    Judging others. Criticising others. Shaming. Jumping to conclusions…

    “That won’t work for me”

    “I can’t do that”

    “I don’t like”

    “I’m too tired”

    “It’s too hard” 

    “I’ve never been able to”

    And of course the number 1 way negativity builds in to your life: Complaining.

    Try cutting out complaining for one whole day and see how you feel.

    Now when you understand that Your thoughts determine your reality, you can understand how to make yourself feel certain emotions, you can generate how you want to feel.

    Is it easy? No. Is it possible, yes.

    The impact of attention and focus on negativity

    Energy flows where focus goes. 

    Simply put, focus on the negative and you have a negative mindset. Focus on the positive and you have a positive mindset.

    You can focus on the fact how much you hate mint ice cream or focus on how much you love honeycomb.

    You can focus on everything that’s going wrong in your life or focus on everything that is going right in your life.

    You can focus on emotions you don’t want or focus on emotions you do want.

    Don’t just focus on what you want, find what you want.

    Find something everyday to be positive about.

    Have an open mind, allow yourself to feel positive. Look at kids, they are always so open and get ridiculously happy and excited about what we consider the small things: sand, waves, puppies, butterflies, being outside…

    Why it's hard not to be negative

    For many it’s easy to be negative – to criticise, to dismiss, to be skeptical. It’s harder to consciously and intentionally to do the work to be positive – to acknowledge the good, to purposely change your thoughts. Thinking on purpose requires relentless consistency and it can be exhausting. You have to catch yourself having the thoughts and not only decide to change but to do the work to make the change happen.

    It’s like what Socrates says “the secret to change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but building the new.”

    It doesn’t help that your brain is also lazy but it’s understandable it takes up so much energy on a subconscious level you don’t even realise. The brain is pumping your blood around your body, breathing automatically, blinking automatically… it can’t help but be a bit lazy and want to do things efficiently.

    It’s easier for your brain to give into the negativity, to wallow even though it knows if it does the work it can be more positive. The thoughts you’ve been thinking repeatedly are so comfortable and easy like taking the same route to work everyday vs trying a new one which many cut down minutes off your commute but that involves energy, effort and time upfront. 

    Thought work on negativity

    https://phidang.com/05-river-of-misery/You can even get caught in a place where you catch your thoughts, you intellectually understand you are having a negative thought but you feel stuck because you feel like you can’t change it. That’s the real catch you can. You only can’t at this moment because you believe the thought, that because you thought it, it must be real and you aren’t open to other possibilities such as the thought isn’t true or that the thought isn’t a fact or maybe even that you are wrong (oh hello ego!). More on this on Episode 5, River of Misery. 

    All of the thought work it takes to overcome negativity requires tiny leaps of faith. To be willing to feel your emotions and realise it won’t kill you and that you could be wrong. To be willing to do the work knowing it feels terrible right now but will become easier and second nature like working out. Lifting the weights feels impossible and heavy at first, but over time with consistent practice, it becomes effortless until it’s time to reach the next level.

    Negativity isn't all bad, negativity serves a purpose

    https://phidang.com/03-beyond-the-law-of-attraction-the-12-universal-laws/I’ll let you ponder on that for a moment whilst I state the fact that negativity itself isn’t all bad, in fact it serves a purpose.

    Positivity doesn’t exist without negativity.

    Light doesn’t exist without dark.

    It’s Ying and Yang, the law of correspondence (more on that on Episode 3 Beyond the Law of Attraction, the 12 Universal Laws).

    How would we know happiness without sadness?

    What would life be to you if you were only happy all the time?

    Negativity raises our self awareness and like our cave man ancestors it drives us to take action.

    If we feel unhappy it forces us to look at our lives, to see what we want and don’t want, to drive us to create an intentional life where we are being our must truest and authentic selves. 

    Resisting negativity makes life harder and more negative

    Negativity has become a huge force that messes with our minds nowadays because we cocoon ourselves in double negativity.

    We make it more negative by resisting.

    I’m not meant to feel negative.

    I can’t feel negative.

    I shouldn’t feel negative.

    These negative thoughts mean there’s something wrong with me.

    Think about if if you are already feeling negative and then judge yourself on being negative, you are in a double negative situation.

    It’s unnecessary for you to beat yourself up about feeling negative because it doesn’t help.

    In fact the more you resist, the more it persists. 

    I think about waves. Imagine how much harder it is to swim against the current and tide as opposed to just going along with it and seeing where it takes you.

    How does it feel to resist as opposed to allow.

    Allow feels much nicer for me, much calmer. My mind is at peace. 

    The energy is completely different. 

    Most of us don’t allow our emotions, we don’t feel it the full way through so it’s weird sometimes we don’t actually know how it fully feels. We resist which creates suffering, we get scared of the suffering, we future predict all the discomfort we will feel and we resist.

    Instead of resisting and wanting yourself to be positive, can you find the neutral ground?

    Neutralising negativity, the first step to being less negative

    For example if you think you’re not good enough, it takes a huge leap to suddenly say I am the most amazing person but it’s much easier to have a neutral thought like “I don’t feel good enough right now and that’s okay. I am human”.

    That thought is more neutral, there is acceptance in there and the thought opens up possibilities to the fact hey maybe I’m not good enough isn’t true. 

    It’s like on a scale going from a -5 to a -3, that in itself is progress. 

    Try it! It’s like an instant life hack, allow the thought, drop the I should feel this instead or I shouldn’t feel this or it should be different and the edge of suffering melts away. 

    Allowing over resisting.

    If there was a free voucher for bungee jumping it’s much easier for someone who loves heights and adrenaline to take it up then someone who is terrified of heights.

    Allowing over resisting. 

    Allowing is tolerating. Yes there may still be slight discomfort like an ache or headache but that’s okay. It won’t kill you. You will live, you can go on with life.

    Negativity can become automatic

    That’s the funny thing about our minds. It automatically jumps to the conclusion and equates negativity with suffering.

    It makes sense.

    If every time you ate carrot cake and felt sick, your mind equates carrot cake to making you have a bad reaction, that’s your only experience at current. 

    This is the same with feeling negativity automatically makes you suffer.

    However imagine we found out that it was the flour making you sick and replace it with gluten free flour. At first your mind will still be like no i’m not eating the carrot cake, every time I do it makes me sick. It’s understandable because your mind has never had the experience that carrot cake won’t make you sick. Your brain panics and resists the new carrot cake.

    It takes a little tiny leap of faith knowing that this new cake won’t because it has gluten free flour. Once you do you realise oh I don’t feel sick and it’s okay.

    That’s the same with allowing yourself to feel your negative emotions. You think it will be awful but in reality its okay. It’s uncomfortable, it’s hard but you are capable. You can feel hard things. 

    Approaching negativity with curiosity

    To make this process easier, shift your mindset from one of judgement of yourself for the emotions you have to curiosity.

    Sit with the emotions, welcome them, get curious to see what emotions mean.

    What are they telling you about what is going on in your life?

    How can you see your emotions as an ally not a foe?

    How can you learn and grow from the current emotions at present? 

    The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 12: Understanding Your Negative Emotions

    If it’s one thing you practice from this podcast is to try allowing over resisting.

    If you’re listening along and thinking “I’m so sick of having negative thoughts on repeat all the time”

    Do you identify yourself as a negative person and feel stuck and helpless, as if you will be negative for the rest of your life?

    Do you want to wake up feeling confident and assured that no matter what happens you will be able to handle it?

    If you are, let’s chat visit my website phidang.com or DM me on Instagram @thephidang because I can help.

    I’ve gone from the depths of anxiety, depression and grief to someone who is able to navigate the hardest of emotions from the grief of losing my dad at the age of 20 and experiencing life in negativity and being numb and emotionless.

    I can teach you how to rewire your brain for positivity as I do with my clients. I’ve only got 3, 1:1 coaching spots left so get in touch with me now. 

    Enjoy your day beautiful soul, next week’s episode will be the one I actually scripted for this week “Your Brain is a Liar”. It’s an eye opening episode where you realise how often your brain lies to you… Speak to you next Tuesday. Love and positivity.

    [Episode 12 – Understanding Your Negative Emotions]

    Are you wanting to find out more about 1:1 Coaching or working with me? Maybe perhaps you want to know more about me. I’d love to connect with you. You can visit my website phidang.com or connect with me on Instagram @thephidang. Speak to you soon.

    Click here to read more

  • 11: Bringing Awareness To Your Inner Child

    Episode Summary of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 11: Bringing Awareness To Your Inner Child

    This episode brings to your attention your inner child – the most innocent and pure essence of who you are. We delve into why the way you are today and how an inner child can be wounded. The episode also discusses your personal responsibility to work on and heal your inner child.

    What you'll learn from this episode

    • How the inner child impacts your life now as an adult
    • What is the inner child
    • Ways an inner child becomes wounded

    Key Quotes from this Episode

    The cry we hear from deep in our hearts comes from the wounded child within.

    Thich Nhat Hanh

    Whilst you can’t change your genetics or the past, you have the power to change now.

    Phi Dang

    Doing work on your inner child is coming home to you.

    Phi Dang

    Featured Resources on the episode

    The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 11: Bringing Awareness To Your Inner Child

    You are listening to episode 11 of the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang: Bringing Awareness To Your Inner Child.

    [Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:

    Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.

    Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.

    My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”

    My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.

    Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.

    This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.

    Ready to grow? Let’s grow!

    [Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]

    [Episode 11 – Bringing Awareness To Your Inner Child Begins]

    Hello beautiful soul, I’m so excited to bring to you another episode of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang. 

    Today’s episode requires going back in time. Back in time to when you were a child.

    Bet you hadn’t thought about that in a while right? How long ago was that for you?

    It’s interesting as adults we hardly revisit or think about ourselves as a child. 

    By child – the full spectrum from the early years of our life to when we hit puberty to when we become an independent adult.

    Psychologically so much of who we are has been shaped by these early years of life.

    What’s prompted this episode is the work I’ve been doing with a few of my clients.

    We are exploring how the inner child can impact who we are today.

    It shows up in relationships – our fears and what keeps us from being open and vulnerable. For my clients its manifested in feeling like you need someone to complete you, to save you, that everything in your life will be instantly better when you are in a relationship. It shows up in anger and resenting a partner for not meeting your needs, feeling the need to be the caretaker or parent of your partner and being scared of rejection and abandonment.

    It shows up in our belief systems – a client recalls how her parents migrating to Australia have shaped her view of what it means to have a job, career particularly as a woman. Another on how it’s shaped the way she sees money, how hard it can be to make money, how money always feels scarce even when it’s not. Fears around investing money and spending money.

    What is the inner child? What does inner child mean?

    The term inner child is an archetype that stems from famous psychologist Carl Jung. 

    He rejected the idea that we come into this world with a blank slate and have a ‘predestined primordial image’ derived from the collective unconscious.

    Nowadays when it comes to the inner child, it refers to the unconscious sub-personality in our early years of life. This inner child develops from the world around us. At young ages we are like sponges soaking in everything especially based on our parents or caregivers. The absence of this also shapes how we develop.

    When we want to understand ourselves deeper, to understand why we are the way we are by default, to understand our triggers that unleash that ‘child like’ behaviour e.g. tantrums, running away, hiding – we must reconnect with our inner child.

    The inner child is the essence of who you are. Your inner child is so pure and innocent. 

    You only have to look at a child to understand why.

    Children have so much joy, they beam, they smile, laugh and play.

    They are fearless, they go into the world with such an openness – to experience the world, to have adventures, to unleash their creativity. They are so open, honest and curious. A child is a true free spirit.

    Children fully express themselves whether its joy, anger or sadness. They feel deeply and are sensitive. They crave affection, attention, connection, love and safety. 

    Our inner child is vulnerable. Children depend on others to ensure their survival. Children look to others to understand the world and how to behave – what to do, what not to do. As children we are malleable to outside forces.

    Inner Child Wounding

    Sometimes and the majority of us will experience our inner child being wounded. 

    Our wounded inner child is the part or parts of us that feels ashamed, left behind, neglected, unseen, abused, the something I can’t quite pick is wrong with me.

    Global spiritual leader Thich Nhat Hanh encapsulates the wound energy well,
    “The cry we hear from deep in our hearts comes from the wounded child within.”

    Common occurrences that cause wounds include but are not limited to:

    • You were taught it’s not okay to have your own opinions
    • Being told you need to make your parents happy
    • You got punished for speaking up or acting of your own free will and accord
    • Being told that sex is bad and sinful
    • You were taught not to show emotions, to keep things to yourself
    • Having fun and playing were discouraged
    • Being shamed, criticised and punished
    • Feeling responsible, having to grow up quicker to be an adult to care for your parents or siblings
    • Having affection withheld such as hugs, kisses, cuddles, compliments, support, engagement

    The neglect which causes wounds to the inner child stems from parents and caregivers when they:

    • Invalidating your emotions – you can’t feel that, you shouldn’t feel that leading to self doubt
    • Unreasonably high expectations and always comparing you to other children leading to always comparing yourself to others and jealousy
    • Not having your physical needs met of safety and nourishment. It doesn’t just mean not having food and water, it encompasses forms of abuse which lead to low self esteem, eating disorders, self harm, addictions, violence and sexual dysfunction.
    • Not meeting needs of support, respect and love can lead to low self worth, repression of emotions, ignoring your own needs, depression, anxiety, fear of intimacy
    • Psychological neglect through name calling, insults, yelling, gaslighting, threatening causing deep seated feelings of anger, trouble having a healthy relationship, difficulty with self love and loving to name a few

    How your parents or caregivers influence and impact your inner child

    Now yes it is highly shaped by your parents or whoever took care of you. 

    It’s not to say to blame and get angry at your parents but more to bring awareness and understanding to who you are and your inner child.

    Most parents have the intention of doing their best to raise their child and children. That does not mean they are perfect, no one is, perfection is impossible. It does not mean they are bad parents, they did the best they could under circumstances. Often parents relive out parenting styles they experienced as child and this passes on from generation to generation.

    I recently spoke with a client on this and shared with him that whilst to understand why you are they way you are based on your inner child and upbringing is wonderful and a step in the right direction – it’s not okay to remain a ‘child’ to continue blaming your parents. When you continue to hold the blame on your parents, you are returning to the wounded child mindset.

    You are not entitled to have your parents or anyone fix you. You are responsible for yourself as an adult. 

    Now that you are an adult, a conscious adult, it’s your personal responsibility to do the work and reparent himself. To be the adult you needed as a child. To step up and become the person you want to be. To not just sit back and blame, to stand up and take action.

    Amongst well intended parents, there are also parents who are absent, parents who were severely underprepared for children, abusive parents, narcissistic parents, controlling parents, parents paralysed by perfection – different types of parents who shape who you are.

    Healing your inner child is your responsibility

    No matter what – this holds universally true.

    That does not determine and set who you are.

    Whilst you can’t change your genetics or the past, you have the power to change now. You are safe and strong. You can heal your inner child with great love and compassion.

    As an adult now, to understand who we are and to take action is to learn how to reparent yourself. To be the adult you needed as a child.

    These wounds charge us into protection mode. We are always looking out for ourselves and danger. 

    Now this will bring out my inner Harry Potter nerd (which I happened to love as a child) – the visual representation I imagine is from the Harry Potter world, particularly in the film Fantastic Beasts embodied by the character Credence played by Ezra Miller. An uncontrollable dark unstable force that attacks then vanishes. It lashes out of repression, it feels ‘dark’ and ‘parasitic’.

    We put up walls and get defensive behind our armour and masks. We protect instead of connecting.

    As a child, it is not your fault that you were wounded as a child

    It’s not your fault that you were wounded as a child.

    As a child, it was never your fault that you felt unloved.

    As a child, it was never your fault that you weren’t comfortable in your own skin.

    As a child, it was never your fault that you weren’t able to fully express yourself.

    As a child, it was never your fault that you didn’t have a safe environment to grow up in.

    As a child, it was never your fault that your parents weren’t together or broke up.

    As a child, it was never your fault that your parents weren’t there for you.

    As a child, it was never your responsibility to care for, heal or fix your parents. 

    As children we learn what we live.

    Doing the work on your inner child

    Doing work on your inner child is coming home to you.

    All of you.

    The whole of you.

    The inner child often hijacks adult relationships. I personally become aware of my inner child from the work I did delving into my dating and relationship patterns and experiences.

    Understanding why I had an anxious attachment style previously, craving love and looking for it outside of myself – making it someone’s responsibility when really it was mine.

    This is common. The attachment patterns you formed as a child are often mirrored in your adult relationships too. A secure attachment styles is a result from having a parent who was responsive to your needs and emotionally available.

    What you need to remember is that when it comes to healing your inner child is that it starts with you and only you.

    Don’t fall for the Disney fairytale or movie fairytales, this is not Sleeping Beauty. 

    No Prince or Princess Charming is coming to rescue and save you. You are your own hero. 

    The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 11: Bringing Awareness To Your Inner Child Close

    If you are interested in exploring your inner child in a safe and support space with guidance, if you are interested in learning practical ways to reconnect with your inner child and reparent yourself, please book a complementary session with me on my website phidang.com or via my Instagram @thephidang.

    This brings a close to episode 11: Bringing Awareness to the Inner Child. I hope you reconnect with your inner child today and explore how your inner child has shaped who you are. I’ll speak to you next Tuesday beautiful soul as usual. Love and Positivity. 

    [Episode 11 – Bringing Awareness To Your Inner Child]

     

    Are you wanting to find out more about 1:1 Coaching or working with me? Maybe perhaps you want to know more about me. I’d love to connect with you. You can visit my website phidang.com or connect with me on Instagram @thephidang. Speak to you soon.

    Click here to read more

  • 10: How to be a Warrior not a Worrier

    Episode Summary of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 10: How to be a Warrior not a Worrier

    Learn the biological and evolutionary reason as to why you worry. Find out what it means to have a warrior mindset in addition to practical ways you can be a warrior not a worrier.

    What you'll learn from this episode

    • The biological and evolutionary reason why humans worry
    • What a warrior mindset means
    • Practical strategies to be a warrior not a worrier

    Key Quotes from this Episode

    Don’t let others or society define it for you, figure out what success is for you.

    Phi Dang

    Don’t let others or society define it for you, figure out what success is for you.

    Phi Dang

    Don’t let others or society define it for you, figure out what success is for you.

    Phi Dang

    Featured Resources on the episode

    The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 10: How to be a Warrior not a Worrier

    You are listening to episode 10 of the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang: How to be a Warrior not Worrier.

    [Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:

    Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.

    Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.

    My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”

    My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.

    Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.

    This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.

    Ready to grow? Let’s grow!

    [Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]

    [Episode 10 – How to Create and Have Success in 2021 Begins]

    Hello beautiful souls! How are you going today? So happy to have you join me on another episode of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.

    It’s been a busy start to 2021 for me with all things coaching and I wanted to shout out some of the incredible wins my clients are having.

    Shout out to M, after one week of coaching we are already seeing huge shifts. When we first spoke, he described feeling numb when it came to dating women and he’s already called in a second date with a lovely lady who’s stirred some feelings within him!

    Shout out to J, a long time client who I recently reconnected with, he is continuing to work through his journey of his past with his family and past relationships. He’s recently opened up new perspectives after feeling very stuck for the last couple of years.

    Shout out to another J, a new client who after one session she’s put into practice her insights from our session and made 3 new groups of friends and did a huge social media clean up, the final step of letting go of her recent break up and channeling all of that time and energy to herself and her growth. All amazing wins I am so happy to share!

    If you are thinking about working with me, I’d love to chat and be shouting out your inevitable wins on the podcast sometime soon too! Details in show notes as usual or you can connect with me on my website phidang.com or instagram @thephidang.

     

    On worry in relation to your family and self

    Today’s episode is titled “How to be a warrior, not a worrier”. I saw this quote online and it really resonated with me. It’s a gem of a quote and shifts your mindset to one of power and confidence – that is something that I am all about. 

    My parents, particularly my mum, used to worry about me and I feel this was exacerbated by the fact that I am an only child.They would worry about life in general – what’s going on in the world, reading newspapers daily and watching the news every night including all weather updates, having enough money to pay bills, being safe from danger (stay away from this, don’t do that) and so forth. The constant worrying was most certainly passed down to myself as a personality trait. 

    I still do worry from time to time but to be honest I don’t really any more as I have full faith and confidence in myself and my capabilities. However rewind time to even 3 or 4 years ago, when I was younger I used to worry a lot.

    Will he like me? Will I be alone forever? Will anyone want to date me?

    Will I pass this test? Will I get this job? Will I be stuck in this job forever?

    Is my outfit okay? Will people notice this on my face?
    Am I really sick? Will I die? Do I have cancer? Is what I have something that has no cure? 

    If I spend this money, will I get my money’s worth? What if I wasted my money?

    And the list goes on… in fact sometimes I would end up in worry loops about worry!

    Am I worrying too much? Worrying doesn’t help and I logically know that so why am I worrying? Is something wrong with me? And then it loops round and round.

    Are you nodding your head along? Your parents worried a lot? You worry a lot? There’s an actual reason as to why this is. Humans are wired to worry. Worrying is a part of human biology and human evolution.

    The biological and evolutionary reason why you worry and why humans worry

    Worrying itself is not a problem, in fact worrying serves a purpose: to keep you safe and process potential threats. Worrying is a problem when it interferes with your life, is acutely intense and lasts longer than it usually does for you. 

    The theories of immediate-return environment and the delayed return environment are used to explain why humans worry.

    Immediate-return environment

    Humans used to live in an immediate-return environment, 500 years ago – In reference to time and history, 500 years is relatively recent.

    Our worries were immediate in nature as cavemen lived a hunter-gatherer lifestyle. Worrying was very useful in the moment as it helped us take action in the moment rather than later for survival. 

    Your stomach grumbles > you feel worried about food > you find food > your worry is relieved.

    Your mouth feels parched and dry > you haven’t drunk enough water today > you feel worried and dehydrated > you find water > your worry is relieved

    You hear a storm brewing > you worry about getting wet and being cold > you find shelter > your worry is relieved.

    You feel cold > you worry about dying > you light a fire > your worry is relieved.

    All of the actions you take deliver immediate results, gratification and therefore you lived in the present moment.

    In fact animals still live in an immediate-return environment. As Duke University professor Mark Leary put it, “A deer may be startled by a loud noise and take off through the forest, but as soon as the threat is gone, the deer immediately calms down and starts grazing. And it doesn’t appear to be tied in knots the way that many people are.”

    Delayed return environment

    Nowadays we live in a delayed return environment where our decisions don’t immediately benefit us in in the moment.

    Some examples for you. 

    When you work, you get paid either fortnightly or monthly. When you work hard, you don’t get promoted immediately, you do after hitting your key performance indicators over time.

    If you save money now, you’ll have enough for when you retire later in life.

    When you start exercising and eating healthier foods, you’ll see results over time, you don’t lose weight or get fit immediately. 

    The nature of a delayed return environment results in uncertainty as a great source of worry. There are no guarantees to most things we do and in fact most of the choices we make today won’t immediately benefit us. 

    Going to school and university doesn’t guarantee you’ll get a job.

    Going on a date doesn’t mean you will meet the one, your soul mate. 

    Investing in stocks, doesn’t guarantee you’ll make returns. 

    Put simply, our brain is not designed to solve the problems of a delayed return environment. Our environment and way of living has changed rapidly, but our brains have not. Our brain hasn’t evolved to live in a delayed return environment.

    Now you know the biological and evolutionary reason as to why we worry, let’s talk about being a warrior not a worrier.

    What is the Warrior mindset?

    Before I share how you can be a warrior, not a warrior, let me set up the stage, what is the warrior persona?

    A warrior triumphs whereas a worrier cowers. A warrior has the rock solid, unshakable belief in them-self. They know how to handle anything that comes their way. A warrior is brave, they are not afraid of the unknown and even if they are, they put themselves out there. They confront and face their fears. They are not scared of challenges because they know they will rise to the challenge. In fact, warriors embrace all opportunities to grow because they know they have so much to gain. Warriors win massive wars, by focusing on winning one small battle at a time.

    Now we’ve established the warrior persona, I’m going to share 5 ways how you can be a warrior not a worrier.

    5 ways on how to be a Warrior not a Worrier

    1. Recognise that behind every emotion including worry, lies a thought.

    Your emotions are a result of your thoughts. Therefore if you want to change your emotions, you have to change your thoughts. 

    Bring awareness to your thoughts. Consciously choose to accept and run with a thought or reject and deny a thought. 

    Slice through unhelpful thoughts like a warrior with your sword of evidence. 

    Our thoughts are often stories or assumptions we create so question the thought – is there factual evidence to support this thought or am I making something up?

    2. Focus on what you can control and accept what you cannot change.

    I have two great exercises to share with you to help. The first is the dichotomy of control circles.


    On a piece of paper you draw two circles. The first being what you can control and the second being what you can’t control. No point worrying about what you can’t control because nothing you do will influence it. A super simple exercise.

    The second exercise I have for you to be a warrior and not a worrier is the circles of control. On a piece of paper draw a giant circle, a circle within that and a small circle within that. All in all it looks like a bullseye.

    The centre is what you can control – the circle of control. This is all within you that you can directly control such as your thoughts, your behaviour, your attitude, your effort, your energy, your actions and so forth.

    The circle outside the centre circle is the circle of influence, what you can influence such as your network and relationships. Emphasis on influence – you can’t make or force it. For example you can talk to the people you know and try convince someone, if you’re looking at a promotion you can influence this by building strong relationships with colleagues, putting yourself out there for more projects to take on and so forth.

    The largest is everything else outside of your control and influence. For example things like a global pandemic like coronavirus, the weather, strangers you don’t know, traffic, the economy, policies, the media and so forth.

    Onto the third way to be a warrior and not worrier.

    3. Be strategic, have a game plan and take action.

    Always be prepared. Identify what worries you and create a solution to the worry. It’s not enough to just create the game plan, you also have to take action.

    For example, if you are worried about getting a job, create an actionable plan on how to get a job. Chunk it down so it’s not overwhelming. For example if you want to get a job you need to apply for jobs. In order to apply for jobs you need a cover letter and resume. Start there! When you break it down it’s not so intimidating. 

    Another example is if you are worried you won’t have a partner, create an actionable plan on how to get a partner. In order to have a partner, you need to go on dates. In order to go on dates, you need to meet people. People are candidates for partners. How do you meet people? You can do that by going outside your house or within your home through applications and websites.

    A game plan also involves having coping strategies for worry such as setting aside time to worry such as 10 minutes then moving on as an example and a support network you can turn to when it becomes all overwhelming.

    If you need help creating a personalised game plan, strategies to cope and support, let’s chat. I work with clients to create a specific, actionable plan with clear steps that can be measured in order to achieve their goals. 

    Whether that’s getting a promotion, changing jobs, finding a partner, becoming an entrepreneur to make money online – anything is possible. A life coach is all about life! Just to add, not many people know that as part of my coaching, you’ll have access to me Monday to Friday so I can answer any questions or concerns that pop up along your journey to hitting your goals and up levelling your self! 

    4. Believe in yourself

    You are an amazing person. You’ve gone through so many hard things, times you didn’t think you would make it yet here you are. 

    This wasn’t by accident or change, this is because of you. You are strong, you are smart, you are capable and you are resilient. You know how to overcome obstacles and challenges.

    In fact when a worry comes up, repeat this mantra: I am a warrior, not a warrior.

    5. Work on your strength

    I mean strength physically and in your mind.

    It’s well known that exercise can alleviate anxiety. Exercises alleviates stress, provides a beneficial distraction and boosts your feel good endorphins. The high from accomplishing exercise will fuel you to conquer not only workout but whatever else is on your mind too. Physically you’ll even start to take the form of a warrior by getting super fit.

    Mentally, to work on your strength is to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Do something small everyday that makes you feel uncomfortable to work on your mental strength such as running for an extra 5 minutes to keep your heart-rate going or try a cold shower!

    The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 10: How to be a Warrior not a Worrier - Close

    To wrap it all up there are 5 ways to be a warrior not a worrier.

    1. Recognise that behind every emotion including worry, lies a thought.

    2. Focus on what you can control and accept what you cannot change.

    3. Be strategic, have a game plan and take action.

    4. Believe in yourself

    5. Work on your strength

    Be a warrior not a worrier! Every warrior has their teacher, so if you’re looking for your teacher, it would be an honour to be your teacher. 

    Thank you so much for joining me today beautiful souls. If you’ve enjoyed listening along, I would appreciate you sharing this with your friends or leaving a review, it would really help me to spread the word on personal development. 

    I’ll catch you next Tuesday with a new episode of the Grow Through It Podcast.

    Love and Positivity.

    [Episode 10 – How to Be a Warrior not  a Worrier Ends]

    Are you wanting to find out more about 1:1 Coaching or working with me? Maybe perhaps you want to know more about me. I’d love to connect with you. You can visit my website phidang.com or connect with me on Instagram @thephidang. Speak to you soon.

    Click here to read more

  • 09: How to Create and Have Success in 2021

    Episode Summary of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 09: How to Create and Have Success in 2021

    Learn about the #1 Mistake people make when it comes to success in addition to practical tips and strategies on how to create and have success. I also do a Q&A on all things success from how to stay motivated, being successful during times of uncertainty and a lack of resources such as money when it comes to having success.

    What you'll learn from this episode

    • The #1 Mistake People Make When it Comes to Creating Change and Success
    • Why Getting Started is Always the Hardest 
    • Why There is No Such Thing As Success Without Failure
    • How to Achieve Your Goals and Success
    • Habit Stacking
    • How to Prioritise Your Goals and Success
    • How to Stay Motivated To Hit Your Goals
    • How to Achieve Your Goals and Be Successful during Times of Uncertainty
    • How to Achieve Your Goals and Be Successful without Resources such as Money

    Key Quotes from this Episode

    Don’t let others or society define it for you, figure out what success is for you.

    Phi Dang

    The outer world is a reflection of your inner world.

    Phi Dang

    You can create the reality and results you want. But guess what? You aren’t entitled to that without doing the work.

    Phi Dang

    Featured Resources on the episode

    The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 09: How to Create and Have Success in 2021 - Show Transcript

    You are listening to episode 9 of the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang: How to Create and Have Success in 2021.

    [Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:

    Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.

    Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.

    My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”

    My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.

    Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.

    This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.

    Ready to grow? Let’s grow!

    [Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]

    [Episode 09 – How to Create and Have Success in 2021 Begins]

    Hello beautiful souls.

    Happy 2021! 

    This is going to be your best year yet, I just know it. 

    If anyone hasn’t told you already, I have full faith in you.

    I have full faith because you are here, listening to the first episode for 2021 of the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang. 

    By doing this, you are intentionally setting time aside for you. 

    To work on yourself, to create success for yourself – so congratulations, I’m proud of you! 

    A mindset open to learning and prioritising their self development and growth is always going to be successful.

    People like you, are the people I love to work with in my 1:1 coaching program. 

    If you are the type of person who loves personal development through books, courses and podcasts and you are ready for the next step, to supercharge and accelerate your growth, let’s chat – I have limited 1:1 coaching spots left for this first quarter of this year as I am so happy to have 3 of you beautiful souls join me last week! 

    Now as you gathered from the title, this podcast is all about creating and having a successful 2021. 

    In this modern day and age, we know that success looks different to everyone, it’s a matter of defining your success. For some it will be money, for others it will be a running a huge marathon.

    Don’t let others or society define it for you, figure out what success is for you.

    When we talk success, in this episode its in the framework of achieving your goals because I know goals are at the top of many people’s minds when it come to a new year.

    Now I also know a lot of other podcasts and all the freebies, motivational speakers and influencers talk about how to create successful goals, for me that’s something that I do with my 1:1 coaching clients as it’s very personal. This podcast will focus more on the journey of achieving goals and your success. 

    So let’s begin.

    The #1 Mistake People Make When it Comes to Creating Change and Success

    I want to lay down for you a foundational base for creating success. To do that I want to first of all address the #1 mistake people make when it comes to creating change based on my experience as a life coach with clients from all over the world.

    People try to change their reality by changing the outside world.

    This is a thought error.

    The outside world is just circumstances.

    Circumstances are neutral.

    The factor that will truly shift and create change for you is your thoughts. 

    Your thoughts cause your feelings.

    Your feelings cause your actions.

    Your actions cause your results.

    So to truly change anything it begins in your thoughts because your thoughts are in your control.

    If you don’t agree with my statement, you have work to do. 

    If you don’t understand why, let’s chat because this is the realm I work within as a life coach.

    Most people go around this world on auto-pilot dangerously in their mind. They believe whatever goes on in their brain and they don’t intentionally choose their thoughts!

    When you don’t intentionally choose your thoughts, you choose to believe the negativity that goes in on your mind that’s formed over years of subconscious programming.

    Then you go around life not knowing why you feel bad on a regular basis and you don’t know what to do with those thoughts. The lines become blurry. You don’t know how to change your thought process or how to process your emotions.

    It’s not a surprise and it’s not your fault. We don’t learn about this at school, at university or even in our jobs.

    We only truly learn about this when we work on ourselves through personal development, when we invest in a coach.

    Your thoughts are your inner work.

    The outer world is a reflection of your inner world.

    For example if you have a chaotic mind, you’ll find more often than not a messy, disorganised home.

    If you’re finding it hard to find love, it’s because you don’t truly love yourself.

    If you’re finding it hard to make money, it’s because you have a scarcity mindset.

    Trying to change your reality by changing the outside world, is like trying to change white wine to red wine by adding food colouring. 

    If you want actual change, you have to go to the source.

    If you want the wine to actually change, you have to use a different variety of grapes.

    If you want your reality to change, you have to fo the source: you, your thoughts. 

    Zero to One

    In the journey for change and success, the first step is always the hardest.

    First of all, when you want to do something new, you’re starting at zero.

    You have no track record or experience.

    You have no momentum.

    There’s nothing.

    More than anything, it takes determination, energy and effort to go from zero to one than it does to get to get from any other steps after that.

    After that, every step is easier than the first.

    You can achieve the goals you set.

    You can create the reality and results you want.

    But guess what? You aren’t entitled to that without doing the work.

    You have the do the work.

    You have to earn your results.

    Now zero to one is the hardest but don’t let that stop you.

    You can do hard things.

    You were made for hard things.

    There is no such thing as success without failure

    We cannot discuss success without failure.

    Guess what, success and failure go hand in hand.

    You can’t choose whether you will succeed or fail because failure is always going to be a part of success. You can only choose what kind of failure you are going to have.

    The only real failure in my eyes is to not try at all or to use it as an excuse to quit.

    Further to this, allow yourself to grow. Give yourself permission to grow.

    When you plant seeds in the garden, you don’t check every day to see if they have instantly bloomed.

    You simply water them everyday, clear the weeds and know that in time they will grow.

    Breathe easy beautiful soul, it will happen – let things unfold as they are meant to.

    How do you achieve your goals?

    If anyone tells you there’s a secret to making it happen, there isn’t.

    There’s no magic formula or button, it truly is just doing the work.

    It is overwhelming to go from 0 to 100 but it’s much easier to go from 0 to 1 to 2 to 3.

    The key to success is consistency and knowing that every little bit counts even just 1%.

    The pain you feel today, becomes the strength of your tomorrow 

    What can you do everyday to get you one step closer to your goal?

    Think of success like a ladder.

    To get to the top of the ladder sure you could leap from 0 to 4 rungs or even jump from rung 3 to rung 7 but when you do that, not only is it harder and requires more energy, you may fall in the process of doing so.

    Consistency on the ladder is going up steadily one rung at a time..

    Accountability

    Further to this, let us sprinkle accountability into the mix.

    How different is it when you write down a goal in your journal and tell no one vs have a life coach checking in with you weekly asking if you’ve done what you needed to do that week to make your goal happen and post about your goal openly on social media?

    Very different right?

    Studies have shown that when you share your goals with others, you are twice as likely to achieve them than if you keep the goals to yourself. 

    When you don’t share your goals in some way, you aren’t truly committed to them. It’s very easy to give up because it’s like they never really existed.

    Another reason why accountability works is well we are human and we want to save face.

    Your reputation is on the line to loved ones, to people you know, to strangers on the internet. You want to fulfil the expectations that others have of you. 

    A life coach is worth the investment as there isn’t the strain of telling a loved one or friend. A coach does not judge, scold or blame, your coach is there to support you every step of the way, help you develop strategies to overcome obstacles and help you realise what works for you and what does not.

    So far everything I’ve discussed cements the fact that success is not an accident.

    Success is intentional.

    Habits play deeply into success as they account for about 40 percent of our behaviours on any given day. 

    Let’s pause for a moment to consider this.

    Almost half of the things you do on any day isn’ a result of conscious decisions but behaviours that you have repeated so many times they have become more or less automatic. 

    You no longer think about them, there’s no mind drama, you just do them.

    It has been widely said that it takes 21 days to make a habit, so I’m not going to go into this.

    Rather I want to introduce the concept of habit stacking with you

    Habit Stacking

    Habit stacking uses the habits you already have and using the power of connection to create new habits.

    It makes sense right, you’ve already done something so much it’s almost auto pilot – if you use that as a foundational base to make a new habit, it’s more likely to stick.

    Habit stacking goes like this

    After or Before [CURRENT HABIT], I will [NEW HABIT].

    Simple examples could be:

    Before I eat breakfast, I will write down 3 things I am grateful for.

    After I brush my teeth, I will take a minute to meditate.

    Before I check my phone in the morning, I will stretch for 5 minutes. 

    So when I discussed the topic of goal setting and success on my Instagram you beautiful souls had a variety questions that I would like to answer. A Q&A a on goal setting and success.

    How do you prioritise your goals and success?

    When it comes to prioritising, think of it like this.

    Everyone in the world has 24 hours including Beyonce, Oprah, Elon Musk. What are you doing with every hour you get?

    Is what you are doing helping you get closer to your goal? 

    Another useful tool is to use a decision matrix, how important is the task and how urgent is the task? 

    How do you stay motivated towards your goals and success?

    Always know your purpose.

    A great exercise for this is something I learnt from The Life Coach school. It’s called the 3-2-1 method.

    Everyday write down your goal followed by 3 reasons why it is important to you, 2 reasons why you are equiped to make it happen and 1 thing you’ll do today to move closer to making it happen.

    If you’re struggling to understand the purpose of your goal, use the 5 whys technique. 

    Ask yourself why, 5 times until you distill it down.

    For example:

    I want to get fit

    1st why? To be skinnier

    2nd why? So I can fit into my clothes

    3rd why? So I can wear the new clothes I bought

    4th why? These new clothes make me feel attractive and confident

    5th why? They show off my figure. I want to feel attractive and confident to call in a relationship into my life. To feel so much love not only for my partner but for me too.

    Realise this, when you chase a goal you’re chasing the feeling you get by achieving the goal. Most of the time it’s about feeling good.

    The great thing about feelings is you can also conjure up feelings by recalling memories right?

    If you want to feel happy, think about times where you have felt so much joy, you were laughing.

    If you want to feel sad, think about times where you have experienced heart ache and pain.

    If you want to feel confident, think about times where you felt at your best.

    Let’s tie this into achieving our goals and the realm of success.

    Let’s time leap and think about the you who achieves your goals this year.

    What does the future you who achieved your goal think?

    How does the future you who achieved your goal feel?

    What does the future you do?

    Taste it for a moment.

    Your subconscious can’t help but latch on and work in the background to find a way to make it happen.

    Not only that, how do you embody future you right now?

    What about achieving your goals and having success during times of uncertainty?

    Life is always going to be changing, change is the only constant.

    No matter what you need to have confidence in yourself.

    When you are confident in yourself, it doesn’t matter what is happening in the external world.

    The outside world doesn’t define who you are and what you can do, you do.

    Your job doesn’t define you, how much money you make, your relationship, how much you do, you do.

    You control your thoughts, you control your belief, you control your decisions.

    You know you can do hard things.

    You know you will find a way to make it happen.

    You know that you will figure it out.

    Self confidence is having belief in yourself.

    It’s taking the leap through the faith.

    Is reality controlling you or are you making the most of the current reality? 

    Think about this analogy, that you are at a casino playing blackjack.

    Whatever cards you get, your goal is to win. 

    You can’t control the cards you are being dealt, but what you do with those cards you control that. You also control your appearance, do you look confident with your hand or are you truly confident with your hand. Do you look defeated by your cards but secretly you know you have been dealt amazing cards?

    That doesn’t mean you’ll always win with every hand but thats okay right? Just because you lose one round doesn’t make you a terrible player. Just because you’ve been losing consistently doesn’t mean you’ll always lose. The tides turn. After all you can win big in just one round and leave.

    What if I don't have enough resources to make my goals happen and be successful?

    This one really ties into a scarcity vs abundance mindset.

    Scarcity says why is this happening to me. Abundance says what is here for me.

    Focus on what you do have, when you notice the good things in your life, you can’t help but feel more abundant. 

    An abundant mindset looks for opportunities and understands the more you give, the more you will get.

    For example, if it’s money – the most incredible thing of our time is the internet. There are SO many free resources out there. In exchange for money, you may exchange time because you need to filter out all the information to find out work best for you, you need to try and learn along the way.

    Instead of I can’t afford that, think how can I afford that.

    Are you conscious of where your current resources are going? Your time, your effort, your energy?

    Most of the time we think we are but we can’t account for minute to minute of our time or dollar to dollar. 

    This truly is a hard one but I truly understand. 

    In 2020 I spent $10,000 on my self development during a global pandemic. What I realised though is I had more money than I thought. The money that I used to use on frivolous things like new clothes, Ubers, dining out and takeaway was now funding my development as a life coach through taking courses and having my own coaches.

    The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 09: How to Create and Have Success in 2021 - Close

    This episode has been like a mini intensive on how to set yourself up for success in 2021. 

    I wanted to close this episode with some quotes and food for thought.

    “There is no elevator to success, you have to take the stairs.”

    “The road to success and the road to failure are almost exactly the same.”

    “Successful people do what unsuccessful people are not willing to do. Don’t wish it were easier; wish you were better.”

     “If you are not willing to risk the usual, you will have to settle for the ordinary.”

    “I never dreamed about success, I worked for it.”

    Thank you so much for listening to this episode on creating success in 2021. I am so excited for all the things to come this year. Watch this space! If you have any episode suggestions, please get in touch as I’m always looking for new ideas to explore.

    Not only that, as I mentioned earlier, I have limited 1:1 coaching spots left so if you are interested and want me by your side in 2021, let’s chat, I would love to help you.

    I hope you all have an absolutely incredible 2021 full of joy and success.

    Love and positivity, chat to you next Tuesday.

    [Episode 09 – How to Create and Have Success in 2021 Ends]

    Are you wanting to find out more about 1:1 Coaching or working with me? Maybe perhaps you want to know more about me. I’d love to connect with you. You can visit my website phidang.com or connect with me on Instagram @thephidang. Speak to you soon.

    Click here to read more

  • 08: 20 Eye Opening Lessons Learnt in 2020 – A Year Like No Other

    Episode Summary of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 08: 20 Eye Opening Lessons Learnt in 2020 - A Year Like No Other

    2020 has been a year like no other. In this episode I share 20 eye opening lessons I learnt in 2020 covering mindset, perspective, energy, self love and purpose.

    What you'll learn from this episode

    • Insights from a life coach (myself) on what I’ve learnt in 2020, a year like no other dealing with the global pandemic: Coronavirus. 
    • An opportunity for meaningful reflection along side me
    • Discussing new perspectives and opportunities 2020 brought us
    • What is positivity

    Key Quotes from this Episode

    There are no guarantees in life so live each moment in the present. Enjoy it, savour it and appreciate it. You never know when something as simple as breathing outside without a mask on or toilet paper could be taken away from you.


    Phi Dang

    Change isn’t dependent on time, change is dependent on actions.

    Phi Dang

    Why are you so happy to spend money on others, on clothes, on cars, on houses, on vacations, on experiences yet you squirm at the thought of directly investing in yourself?

    Phi Dang

    Featured Resources on the episode

    The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 08: 20 Eye Opening Lessons Learnt in 2020 - A Year Like No Other - Show Transcript

    You are listening to episode 8 of the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang: 20 Eye Opening Lessons Learnt in 2020 – A Year Like No Other.

    [Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:

    Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.

    Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.

    My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”

    My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.

    Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.

    This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.

    Ready to grow? Let’s grow!

    [Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]

    [Episode 08 – 20 Eye Opening Lessons Learnt in 2020 – A Year Like No Other]

    Hello beautiful souls! 

    In less than a few days, a year like no other 2020, will wrap up and tick over to 2021. A year that started off with bushfires and floods in Australia, to a global pandemic that is still on going. Can I first just say if you are listening, congratulations on how far you’ve made it through 2020 and how incredible you are doing? Give yourself a pat on the shoulder and celebrate. It has been a tough year!

    When 2020 comes to mind, many will be quick to label it as horrible, the worst but as the Positivity Queen, I’m here to remind you that 2020 hasn’t been all bad. In fact so many beautiful things have happened. 



    We’ve seen people and communities come together to support one another. 



    We’ve seen people slow down and have time to realise what is truly important to them.

    We’ve seen people connect in ways we haven’t seen before.



    We’ve seen beautiful acts of generosity for one another through donations and volunteering.

    We’ve seen the fight for equality and justice rise to the mainstream through the Black Lives Matter Movement.

    We’ve seen Kamala Harris become the first female, first Black, first South Asian US Vice President-Elect.

    We’ve seen incredible essential workers recognised for what they do and all they do.


    We’ve seen greater flexibility than ever before with the working from home revolution.



    We’ve seen carbon emissions fall by the largest amount ever recorded.

    Phi's 2020

    For me personally, 2020 has been a rollercoaster like many.

    The thing I am most grateful was is time! 

    I had time to start an Instagram page on mental health which led me to become a Confidence and Clarity Life Coach. Words truly cannot describe the gratitude and love I have for my clients. 

    Two recent testimonials I received truly touched my heart and soul.

    “You have had the biggest impact on my life Phi. I would not be where I am mentally without you. I am starting to trust my own judgement and enjoy being in my own head again. I am so much more confident in so many ways and owe it all to you”

    “In a time where my thoughts were cloudy and I wasn’t sure how to navigate the next chapter of my life, Phi was there to provide support and guidance. Thanks to Phi, I have achieved so much in the past two months, by following the advice Phi gave me I am thinking healthier thoughts and working wards being the best version of myself. I couldn’t recommend Phi enough for her honesty, mentorship, ways of coaching, she really has changed my life for the better”

    Reflecting upon 2020, I have helped my clients ramp up their self love and realise their self worth, clients kickstart businesses from self care goods to coaching, forgive those who have hurt them whether it’s family, friends or even themselves, move on from exes and relationships which caused heartache and pain, find love and get into relationships that feel so damn good and nourishing, sleep easier at night, excel in their internships, move on from jobs that kept them feeling stuck and stale… truly a testament to the power that is life coaching. 

    The power of life coaching

    Life coaching is life changing. 

    Life coaching is a powerful investment in you.

    Your brain is truly your greatest asset, but it doesn’t come with a manual on how to use it. A life coach like myself can help you harness the power of this amazing tool that you already have. To learn practical tips and strategies so you can achieve your goals whilst feeling clear, confident and empowered. 

    Coaching creates so much more in your life, for my clients that’s more self love, more self belief, more self trust, more money, more love, more happiness, more confidence, more clarity… it truly adds so much to your life.

    If you are interested in upleveling your mind and your life, let’s chat. I would love to help and support you. Let’s make 2021 your greatest year yet!

    The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 08: 20 Eye Opening Lessons Learnt in 2020 - A Year Like No Other - Episode Set Up

    Now to the 20 Eye Opening Lessons Learnt in 2020 – A Year Like No Other. As I discuss the 20 lessons, I would love for you to actively reflect along.

    What are your thoughts on what I’m saying, does it resonate with you?

    Would you add anything else to what I’m saying? Use this time listening to this podcast to be purposeful with your reflection. 

    Number 1: There is no good or bad, only circumstances. It’s your thoughts that make something good or bad.

    One of the core pillars of mindset work is understanding the power of our thoughts, we have 60,000 a day! 

    Most of the time we aren’t aware and conscious of them, we run on autopilot and let them do their thing. 

    This is why I love coaching because I teach my clients to be conscious of their thoughts and the power of our thoughts. 

    As earlier in the podcast – what do you think of 2020? Well it’s up to you. If you focus on the positive, guess what in your reflection 2020 was an amazing year! Conversely if you focus on the negative, 2020 was a horrible year.

    Number 2: There are no guarantees in life yet we have many expectations. 


    2020 truly showed us that anything can change and happen at any time. 

    In life we expect so much. 

    We expect to have a job. We expect to celebrate occasions such as birthdays and weddings with loved ones. We expect to wake up everyday. We expect we will be healthy always. We expect to be able to exercise outside anytime and anyway we want. We expect to be able to dine out in restaurants. We expect to have access to basics like food and toilet paper. 

    2020 truly flipped this on its head. There are no guarantees in life so live each moment in the present. Enjoy it, savour it and appreciate it. You never know when something as simple as breathing outside without a mask on or toilet paper could be taken away from you.

    Number 3: Instead of 2020 being the year we got everything we wanted, it turned out to be the year we appreciate everything we already had.

    Gratitude truly is a magnet for more abundance in our lives. Further to that it takes absence to truly appreciate presence. 

    Number 4: Planning is a privilege.

    2020 saw so many plans shifted, sidelined or cancelled. Being able to plan ahead is a privilege because we expect most things to remain unchanged and that we are secure. 

    The fact we can expect things to remain the same without major changes is a privilege. 2020 forced us to be flexible and adapt to ever-changing circumstances.

    So many people in the world live this way that we never even think of: those who are chronically ill, disabled, in poverty = they cannot plan ahead like we do for they don’t know how much energy, time, money, resources they may have in a week yet alone a month or year.

    Number 5: You don’t need a lot of time for change to occur.



    Now this is a good or bad thing depending on how you see it. I want to offer you a perspective.

     In a matter of months, the pandemic changed everyone’s life globally. 

    What can you do in a matter of  months? 

    Change isn’t dependent on time, change is dependent on actions. In a matter of months my clients have left jobs and found new ones, let go of old relationships and start a new relationship, went from hating themselves to liking themselves – What can you do in months? Minutes? Seconds?

    Number 6: You are stronger than you think.

    Look back at all the days this year you thought you may not make it through, that it would break you but here you are. Still standing. Stronger than ever. Wiser than ever. More resilient than ever. You are living through a more often than not, once in a lifetime global pandemic.

    Number 7: Health is Wealth. Your mental health matters just as much as your physical health. 


    Your health isn’t a given, it’s a privilege. Just like you regularly work out at the gym or exercise, don’t forget to invest time, energy and money into your mental health. Without your mental health you can’t live life or even go to the gym if you wanted to. Build inner peace or fall to outer chaos.

    Number 8: Focus on what is in your control… Learn to adjust your sails because you have no control over the wind. 


    Whilst you couldn’t control the pandemic happening, what could you control? Your attitudes towards it. Your perspective on it. What you did with the time given through it. Did you see it as opportunity? Did you see it as abundance? 

    Number 9: 2020 wasn’t about cancelling, 2020 was about awakening.



    Weddings were cancelled, but love was not.
    Gatherings were cancelled, but friendship was not.
    Parties were cancelled, but celebrating was not. 
    Gigs and festivals were cancelled, but music was not.
    Gyms were cancelled but fitness was not. 
    Cinemas were cancelled but movies were not.

    Number 10: In life you are either the pilot or the passenger.

    So who are you?

    Is life happening for you or to you?

    It’s a matter of perspective.

    If something is in your control it means you can change it, you have the power. Apply this to your areas of life. 

    Did the pandemic drive your life or did you thrive during a pandemic?

    Number 11: You are the most valuable investment you will ever make.



    Why are you so happy to spend money on others, on clothes, on cars, on houses, on vacations, on experiences yet you squirm at the thought of directly investing in yourself?

     Whether that’s self care through time of work or investing in life coaching to help you understand and reprogram your thoughts? 

     You are the most valuable investment you will ever make. 

    Yes it can feel scary to do so but yes it is worth it. 

    You are worthy. You are a priority. Don’t forget to make time, money, energy and effort for yourself too. 

    Number 12: Your worth is not measured by your productivity.

    It’s not what you do. It’s not what you accomplish. It’s not what you create.  It’s not what you produce. In fact you don’t have to do anything or be anything to be worthy. You are already worthy as you are right now.

    Number 13: Love loudly.

    The Coronavirus may have prevented us from hugging and embracing each other but that doesn’t mean we don’t love. You also never know when someone you love may pass so never miss a chance to tell and show someone you love them. Why are we so scared of feeling? To feel is to be human. 

    Number 14: You need a lot less than you have.

    In 2020, I thought I needed to go to travelling to Japan when really all I needed was to take time off work and spend time with my family.

    In 2020, I thought I needed to eat at all the newest and trendiest restaurants when really all I needed was food to eat.

    In 2020, I thought I needed to get promoted and paid more at work when really all I needed was a job and stable income.

    In 2020, I thought I needed to new outfits to wear going out and get snapped in when really all I needed was clothes to wear at home (hello sweatpants and oversized tees!)

    In 2020, I thought I needed to do more and achieve more when really all I need was rest and relax.

    Number 15: Your house can be your oyster.

    In 2020, our houses became more than our homes. We turned our homes into offices, makeshift gyms, art and yoga studios, cinemas, gourmet kitchens, trendy bars. We adapted our homes to meet our needs, we became more resourceful.

    Number 16: Happiness isn’t complicated, it can be found in the simple things.


    Fresh air outside. Sunshine. The ocean. Seeing someone you love in person. Breathing. Cuddling your pet. Hugging a loved one. Reading a book. Having a roof over your head. Reconnecting with old friends. Indoor dance parties. 

    Number 17: There is always a silver lining.

    Redundancies launched new businesses, created side hustles, turned side hustles into full time hustle.

    Reduced work time meant more time for parents to spend time with kids, more time for your partner, more time for your family, more time to reconnect with old friends.

    Less global movement meant more animals homes saved, a healthier and happier environment with less emissions. 

    Not being able to dine out meant we appreciated simple things like eating outside of our homes. Supporting small, local businesses. 

    Number 18: Struggling doesn’t mean you are failing.

    In fact it means the opposite. Struggling means trying. Trying is not failure. 

    When you try, it means you are putting in effort and energy. 

    It means you are giving what you have, you are doing what you can. 

    You could simply do nothing at all, that is failure, to not even try. 

    Where there is struggle, there is growth. Where there is growth, there is also success. Keep going!

    Number 19: Have multiple sources of income.


    When we go to high school or even university, never does anyone outrightly talk about money and finances, not in my experience. 

    If you subscribe to society’s timeline it’s have a good job and career. It doesn’t tell you what to do if a pandemic happens and you lose your job or your pay gets reduced. If you’ve been living pay check to pay check where is your money going to come from? 

    2020 is truly the year I opened my eyes to my finances and realised this. Don’t just rely on your job for income, where else can you turn to whether it’s stocks, money from rentals, a side-hustle, savings etc.

    Number 20: Happiness is a mood. Positivity is a choice, mindset and lifestyle.


    It truly is that simple, it is up to you.

    What are you choosing to focus on?
    Are you choosing to be grateful?

    Are you choosing to be thankful?
    Are you seeing the good in everything?

    The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 08: 20 Eye Opening Lessons Learnt in 2020 - A Year Like No Other - Close

    If it’s one thing 2020 reaffirmed, we never stop learning and growing from our experiences.

    Thank you so much for listening beautiful soul.

    I hope you enjoyed the last episode of Grow Through It with Phi Dang for 2020 and the rest of your year.

    Before we part ways, I’m about to tell you the mantra and energy we are bringing into 2021.

    Are you ready?

    You don’t need to get ready for 2021 because 2021 has to get ready for you!

    Speak to you in the new year beautiful soul, love and positivity. 

    [Episode 08 – 20 Eye Opening Lessons Learnt in 2020 – A Year Like No Other: Ends]

    Are you wanting to find out more about 1:1 Coaching or working with me? Maybe perhaps you want to know more about me. I’d love to connect with you. You can visit my website phidang.com or connect with me on Instagram @thephidang. Speak to you soon.

    Click here to read more

  • 05: River of Misery

    Episode Summary of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 05: River of Misery

    This episode is all about the river of misery. A deeply uncomfortable place between where you start and where you want to be. I talk about different scenarios where the river of misery happens such as in dating, relationships, ex partners, health, weight and fitness. I share practical tips on overcoming the river of misery too.

    What you'll learn from this episode

    (01:32) Why I am talking about the river of misery
    
(02:00) How you feel in the river of misery

    (02:26) What is the river of misery?

    (02:51) The pond of misery (ain’t just a river of misery!)

    (03:43) Example of river of misery (e.g. dating a commitment phobe, someone who won’t commit to you, an ex partner)

    (06:59) A willing river of misery, my battle with my weight and fitness 
    (09:47) My river of misery when I got myself got stuck (relationships related)
    (12:40) Dealing with feelings of shame, embarrassment and disappointment
    (13:23) Falling into old habits and ways of thinking

    (13:42) The hardest part of being in the river of misery

    (14:27) Truth bomb on the river of misery

    (15:42) The brain and the river of misery

    (17:39) Getting out of the river of misery

    Key Quotes from this Episode

    Featured Resources on the episode

    The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 05: River of Misery​, Show Transcript

    You are listening to episode 5: River of Misery.

    [Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:

    Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.

    Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.

    My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”

    My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.

    Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.

    This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.

    Ready to grow? Let’s grow!

    [Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]

    [Episode 05 – River of Misery: Begins]

    Hi beautiful soul, are you feeling stuck and frustrated right now? Perhaps overwhelmed by everything going on in your life. If not, can you think back to a time when you were?

    Why am I asking you these questions? Well this podcast episode is all about the river of misery. Oh yes, the river of misery.

    When I first started to think about this episode I didn’t know where to begin or if I had enough material. Turns out I have a lot of information, practical examples and juicy insights to share so this episode may be on the longer side to manage your expectations.

    The reason I’m talking to you about the river of misery today is that it continually pops up in my life coaching, when I talk to my clients and loved ones. At one point or the other whether they come to me as they are in the river of misery or experience it on the journey to making their goals and dreams happen, the river of misery is something we can all relate to at some point in our lives and it is not enjoyable.

    When I think of the river of misery, I feel as if there is a lot going on against me and I feel overwhelmed. It feels like a river full of rapids coming at full force towards me and I’m struggling to stay afloat. The whole time I just feel just so damn uncomfortable. I feel tired and I just want it to end.

    It’s a horrible place to be because you feel so frustrated, trapped and annoyed.

    What is the river of misery?

    The river of misery is place where you feel deeply uncomfortable and overwhelmed by everything that’s happening in your life.

    How you end up in the river of misery may be by choice or not, but whether you continue to stay in the river of misery and end up stuck there… that’s a choice.

    Let me run you by some scenarios of how this comes to be.

    Pond of Misery

    The pond of misery is well, safe. You know what to expect in the pond. Nothing drastic is happening, nothing is going to harm you. It’s not terribly uncomfortable like a river of misery but it’s unsatisfactory. Things could be better than being in the pond at all.

    To get to where you want to be, now that’s a river of misery.

    The river of misery involves being uncomfortable and doing hard things to get the result you want.

    All these thoughts push against you going into this river for your safety, after all your brain has evolved to protect you. Your brain is always looking for danger.

    “It is going be a lot of hard work”

    “It is going to take a lot of investment. Time, energy, effort, money”

    “What if I do all this stuff and it doesn’t work out, what if it is not worth it?”

    “The pond is not that bad is it…? It’s not that bad… it’s not that bad you try to convince yourself.”

    First type of river of misery and a river of misery scenario: Dating, relationships, ex partners

    Let’s apply this example to a real life scenario such as getting stuck in and involved in an entanglement with someone you are seeing who won’t commit to being in a relationship with you or an ex partner even.

    You’re not happy with the situation, this person you’re seeing is also dating other people and you’re probably fifth priority after their work, family, friends and other people they are dating.

    I mean at least you get the occasional cuddle, probably the non strings attached intimacy (lets be real there are a lot of strings!!!), hey maybe they’ll even reply back to a text quickly once in a while.

    It’s miserable to do a degree, but you’re some what used to it and familiar with it even though you are craving a fulfilling and committed relationship where you are a priority, when they make time for you, when you feel so loved and secure.

    So in this pond of misery, no one is putting a gun to your head saying you have to keep seeing this person. Can you see the only person who got you in this pond of misery and is keeping you there is you?

    So how do you get out of this pond of misery? Jumping into the river of misery to get to the other side: land.

    The river of misery kicks it up a notch, you’re not dealing with a pond anymore, you’re dealing with a rapid river.

    The river of misery for this scenario means letting go and cutting off the person you are dating. It means being alone for the time being. It means working on yourself and reflecting on how you got into this situation. Why you are in this situation. It means eventually having to start meeting people and going on dates again. It means opening up with new people as you date.

    Your brain in this scenario starts panicking. This is hard! This is a lot of work! Let me go back to the pond! I wasn’t happy there but at least I was comfortable. I accepted it, I got used to it.

    The river of misery won’t be comfortable or cruisy. I won’t lie to you, it’s called the river of misery for a reason. But what if you knew that going through the river of misery was worth it? That on the other side on the land, is a loving person who is ready to commit and have a beautiful relationship with you.

    Are you willing to swim the river of misery and go through temporary discomfort and pain to get what you want? Like I mentioned in the previous episode number 4 on mental fitness and taking your brain to the gym, discomfort is the currency of your success just like working out at the gym to get fitter, leaner and stronger.

    So back to the river of misery. It won’t last forever.

    Eventually it gets easier as you get used to it. But in order to get to this place, you have to start in the deep end of the river of misery and swim towards land. You have to be willing to endure the river and to keep swimming until you get to the land. If you swim back to the pond, you’ll lose progress, battle the river and have to start again.

    The brain likes security and comfort, that is how it’s hardwired. Can you reassure your brain that you are going through the river of misery for a purpose?

    Can you put your purpose at the forefront of your mind? Can you feel and visualise how amazing it is going to be when you make your dreams come true?

    My river of misery: health, fitness and weight

    I’ve been in this type of river of misery lately.

    My pond was being unhappy with my body and fitness levels.

    To be completely transparent with you since COVID-19 hit, I stopped going to the gym 4 times a week where I used to weight train and do cardio based classes and now I don’t do any any exercise at all except walking and swimming.

    I started eating a lot more because I was either bored or wanted comfort during hard times. I gained weight, in fact I am the heaviest I have ever been in my life. And not it’s definitely muscle, it’s definitely fat I think.
    
Some of the clothes I own, I can no longer fit into or I have to really suck in my belly the whole time I’m wearing them – not fun and super uncomfortable.

    Sure, a quick fix is to buy bigger clothing sizes but that doesn’t address the core issue.

    Addressing the core issue is working on my mindset and getting fit – jumping into the river of misery by choice. The land is being happy, healthy and fit. So what does this river involve?

    Waking up earlier to do some exercise before work. Making time to do grocery shopping on the weekend so I can prepare healthy meals instead of turning to instant food or processed food I can reheat. I’m embarrassed to admit this to you but I always have cans of chicken noodle soup at home for when I am too busy to cook! Let’s not forget the frugal favourite Mi Goreng too – 2 minute noodles. Can you tell I really like noodles? 

    Anyway back to it.

That in itself is a river of misery, adapting to changing tastes (because I wish salads tasted as good as instant noodles or frozen pizza for lunch especially on a really busy day when it’s so comforting). 

    There is a river of misery working on my mindset, why I can’t be happy now at my body is and why it has to be when certain criteria is met. 

This whole situation is a river of misery but its worth it knowing my end result, happy, healthy and fit!

    The second type of river of misery: being stuck

    Now there’s also another river of misery which is when you are just stuck because you are so miserable with how you are, your thoughts and the world around you.

    I’ve seen this with my clients who are stuck in their past and finding it hard to get over someone because they thought they were the one. I’ve seen this in clients who think that they can’t be positive because they just have so many negative thoughts all the time and they think they are powerless to change it. I’ve seen this with my clients who continually compare themselves to other people and end up feeling insecure and jealous all the time.

    My second type of river of misery: being single

    I remember being in this type of river of misery because well I got myself there and I was keeping myself stuck (even though it took me a while to consciously and truly realise what I was doing!).

    At one point in my life when I was single, I was so frustrated and sick of dating because nothing seemed to be working out for me. At the time I felt I just kept dating people who weren’t looking for a relationship time and time again. This really sucked for me. It was made harder by the fact I had been single for long stretches of time, years!

    To get to the other side where I was happy dating and enjoying dating I needed to do the hard work to figure out why this was happening to me. After all the common denominator in all the scenarios was well… me!

    It was easy to just blame anything and everything outside of me, to be honest.

    “Oh there’s no good people to do date out there, they are all taken”

    “Everyone is a commitment phobe these days, everyone always thinks that the grass is greener on the other side”

    “It’s so hard to find a relationship these days”

    “Are there any decent and respectful people out there dating anymore?”

    Do you know what was hard, really hard?

    Realising it wasn’t any of these things at all.

    That in fact, it was in fact my thoughts.

    That was a bitter pill to swallow but do you know what was even harder than this realisation?

    Jumping into the river of misery.

    Doing the work to get to a place where I was in a good mindset, enjoying dating and seeing it as a fun journey.

    Doing the work meant confronting myself. Being honest with myself. Not pretending or saying the right things. Pure honesty.

    What was I really looking for?

    Why did I want a relationship?

    Was I looking for love outside myself before being getting to be in love with who I was and who I am?

    Did I know my worth? Did I actually think I was worthy of happy, loving and healthy relationship?

    Why was I dating people who weren’t looking for a relationship?

    Why was I choosing these people?

    I had to start moving and swimming in the river of misery instead of just staying put in the same spot of the river of misery.

    I had to be intentional with dating. I had to consciously vet out people who weren’t in alignment with what I wanted and who I wanted to be with no matter what. I had to stop settling for less then I deserved. I had to stop making excuses for people. I had to put myself out there and be vulnerable. I had to make an effort to go on dates again and get to know someone. I had to open up to people. I had to walk the walk and talk the talk.

    At first moving in the river of misery was hard. I had admit things to myself that I didn’t want to because I was ashamed of myself, I was embarrassed about my situation, I felt disappointed in myself for making mistakes and being in this situation longer than I wanted to.

    And it’s okay to feel this way, we are only human after all. Always be kind to yourself. Always do things out of love to yourself. Even though I wasn’t in my ideal situation I was and am still loveable and so are you whatever scenario you are in. Lead with love not hate.

    I had to swim through those hard emotions. At times moving in the river meant I would go backwards and fall into old habits and ways of thinking. But that’s okay, you catch yourself or make a mistake and keep moving forward. Sometimes you drift backwards a bit and then make up for it and move even more towards the land.

    The hardest part of the river of misery

    One thing is for sure the hardest part is just getting started, once I got started doing the work it got easier. An analogy of this is that it’s hard to go on your first date after you haven’t been on one in a long time. Once you’ve got on that first date, going on more dates doesn’t seem as hard as that first date.

    Another example is that it’s hard to get motivation to start going to the gym once you’ve had a long time off but it’s easier to add weights to your fitness routine or run a longer distance once you are already exercising.

    A hard truth about the river of misery

    Back to the river of misery in this scenario, I’m going to drop a truth bomb.
    
Do we stay stuck in the river of misery well because we enjoy being in misery?

    Hear me out. If you have been miserable for a while, misery starts to get comfortable. After all you are used to being miserable to the point where it becomes a part of your identity. 



    Poor me, I’m miserable. I’m miserable all the time. Misery is who I am.



    When you’re in misery it gives your brain a reason as to why you are in misery. You can them blame all of the circumstances for causing your misery. Have you ever considered if you are a source of your misery? Have you ever tried to turn the focus from everything happening to you and turn it inward? What is happening inside you to keep the misery going on?

    Can I offer you a radical thought? What if you chose to step away from the identity of being miserable. You radically actually chose to not be miserable. You choose to stop making excuses and blaming external factors and turn inwards. Take responsibility for your happiness, you aren’t stuck. Get out of the river of misery by swimming!

    Getting out of the river will feel uncomfortable but it will be worth it.

    Your brain and the river of misery

    Remember, the brain likes to be efficient. It likes routines. It likes easy. So when you break routine, when you challenge ways of thinking your brain doesn’t like it. Your brain will probably say to you “Hey you know what, you don’t have to be uncomfortable if you just stay stuck. Stop wanting more or different. Let’s continue with this current way of thinking, after all you have thought like this for ages and let’s stay comfortable doing nothing different.”

    Moreover your brain has confirmation bias, it wants to prove itself right. So if you keep on believing your thoughts keeping you stuck, your brain will continue to find evidence of your limiting beliefs and as a result you stay stuck.

    Let’s add in the fact as mentioned earlier that your brain is trying to protect you from danger too and guess what? Doing new things, having new thoughts, new actions is perceived as dangerous to your primitive mind. The cave man mind. The cave man mind was always on alert, there was always threats around without modern technology and evolution!

    You have to understand that if you want change, it means doing something different. Whatever you are doing right now is keeping you in the river of misery.

    There is no circumstance which means you can’t get out of the river of misery, as I always tell me clients – you can always do something. If you can’t change whatever is happening, you CAN change your mind.

    It means changing your thoughts intentionally. It means taking action. It means hard work. It means getting out of your comfort zone. Trust in yourself, you can do hard things. Do this for future you. Do it for you!

    If you’re in a river of misery, you can get out of there. I promise you, you can.

    Do the hard work and you get get out of there.

    Struggling in the river of misery? Need Help?

    If you’re struggling let’s chat, I’d love to connect with you this is what coaches do. A life coach helps you cross the river. A life coach shows you how you are stuck in a pond of misery. A life coach helps you master your thoughts to get across the river easier. A life coach will throw in the emergency buoy and help you.

    I am a life coach and I can help you. I have helped many people from the river of misery to land. Now? They thrive and conquer anything including rivers of misery.

    The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 05: River of Misery​ close

    Whatever you do, just keep swimming! You’ve got this.

    I’ll see you in the river of misery and I’ll see you on the land!

    Chat to you next Tuesday for the next episode of The Grow Through it Podcast with Phi Dang.

    Thanks for listening, speak soon.

    Love and Positivity.

    [Episode 05 – River of Misery: Ends]

    Are you wanting to find out more about 1:1 Coaching or working with me? Maybe perhaps you want to know more about me. I’d love to connect with you. You can visit my website phidang.com or connect with me on Instagram @thephidang. Speak to you soon.

    Click here to read more