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Phi returns to the podcast and shares super exciting life updates including something very special and spills the tea on what happened during her month away in Vietnam and Bali.
As she’s turned 30, she also shares the top 10 juiciest things she had to unlearn in her 20’s to be the happiest in her life she’s ever been.
Resources from today's episode
- Learn more about 1:1 Coaching with Phi here.
- Apply for 1:1 Coaching with Phi here.
- Book a Human Design Reading with Phi here.
- More on a Saturn Return Human Design Reading and booking a reading with Phi.
- Phi’s book; The Great Unlearning: Awakening to Living an Aligned and Authentic Life.
- Saturn Return Podcast Episode (34)
Episode Introduction
So usually when you turn 30 you see those top 30 things I learnt by 30 or what I wish I knew in my 20’s – but in Phi Dang style, of course I’m going to share the top 10 things I unlearnt by 30 to honour my book The Great Unlearning.
The book really does capture my 20’s if you’re interested and has 29 full chapters of unlearning. These are my own musings pulling from the book and reflections in this present moment. It’s honestly so hard to pick only 10 so I’m going to tune in and trust my intuition that I’ve chosen these specifically to resonate with you listening to this podcast!
1. Timelines
THE LEARNING
There’s a set timeline of key milestones in life you need to achieve in order to be happy and fulfilled.
THE UNLEARNING
There are no set timelines in life.
Truly because I think 30 is one of those ages we build up in our heads and decide we have to get everything done, yet funnily enough the less pressure I put on myself, trusted in my own path and timeline, the more amazing things I’ve achieved unexpectedly. I mean my unexpected biggest month in business happened only a few months before turning 30! Anything can happen.
Some excerpts from the book to share:
“Timelines have been mostly imprinted subconsciously on our minds. We seem to be always working towards a timeframe, often speeding towards it. In fact, it’s made us feel like we’re always rushing to hit our next life milestone, whether it’s love, money or career.”
“The problem is that when we don’t hit these timelines, we feel like failures. We feel like we’re moving slower than those around us and it quickly turns into a crippling game of comparison. It’s important to remember that life isn’t a race and it isn’t a competition.”
2. Success
THE LEARNING
Success means having money, being in a relationship and at the peak of your career.
THE UNLEARNING
Success isn’t clear-cut or one size fits all, it’s something you define on your own.
The old status symbols for success were a fast car, a big house and millions… billions of dollars.
The ultimate new flex is freedom, joy and inner peace—to live a life where your soul is pure love and happiness; where your highest self is realised; where your inner child is seen, heard and loved; where you find security in yourself and not others or things. It’s a life that your ancestors would be proud of; a life that’s a dream. Unlearn what you think you know is success and redefine what it means to you.
Some excerpts from the book to share:
“A lot of sayings we know are for a reason and it really is true. You hear it thrown around casually and in all the self-development books that money doesn’t buy you happiness. I would always roll my eyes and think deep down well, maybe not, but I’d rather cry in a mansion and Ferrari, that’s for sure. However, have you ever actually stopped for a moment to consider what your definition of success is and why?”
“Having had the taste of success, money, status and achievement at the height of my career – something still felt missing. Being in a relationship with what on the outside superficially a handsome man that loved me – something still felt missing. I mean even the bloody beginning of this year everything except a partner – something still felt missing. It had to hit home time and time again, success isn’t what it looks like and what you have. For me it really is a feeling and ultimately that feeling is inner peace, being content and self love. Not only that success is different for everyone, I never thought I could work for myself doing what I love yet again here I am! Success beyond what I thought was possible for me”.
3. Money
THE LEARNING
Money is hard to make but it will solve all my problems.
THE UNLEARNING
Money doesn’t have to be hard to make, but it won’t solve all your problems either. Wealth is the consciousness of abundance and poverty is the consciousness of lack.
Do yourself a favour and seriously understand that money is mindset led. Once you can identify and understand your beliefs you can do amazing work to unlearn limiting money beliefs.
I used to be someone so scarce all the time and hoarding money. Now I don’t even need to check my bank account for purchases. Everything I want, I can afford. Do I buy everything? No because I have different priorities.
Right now in my life I am in the enjoying phase because why work hard not to harvest the bounty you planted (which is also why I’ve been less online social media and more living life and actually coaching/working with clients).
What I will also say is that throughout by 20’s I’ve been a lot of debt and I’ve had a lot of money, it continues and will continue to fluctuate. I don’t attach myself so deeply to money, I’m in flow with it, I trust it and somehow always it comes to me in any way!
I remember being petrified going full time in my business, being afraid I’ll have no money and die. I told myself I can get a part time or casual job to support myself in the worse case scenario… two years later that’s never happened. I’ve always been financially supported by my business.
4. Having it all
THE LEARNING
You can’t have it all.
THE UNLEARNING
You CAN have it all.
Seriously here right now in this moment, I have it all. I have everything I desire and dream of. I write in my book The Great Unlearning, We’re conditioned to have things in life as ‘good enough’—good enough sex, good enough money, good enough relationships, good enough jobs. But what about great? What about excellent? In fact, we’re shamed for wanting more—more pleasure, more money, more appreciation.
We’ve been conditioned to equate wanting more as superficial, dirty and to the detriment of others. We’re told it’s ridiculous to believe we can be an amazing partner, mother and career woman at the same time.
Our culture celebrates sacrifice through these beliefs: If you want lots of money, you have to work lots. If you want to be successful at work, you have to spend less time with loved ones.’ I say screw that you can.
At times this changes, everyone’s definition is different, maybe you have the majority of what you want at one moment in time and that flips in another… but for you listening I dare you to not only dream of having it all but know that you can have it all.
If I can, so can you, why not?
5. Self-identity
THE LEARNING
You are (insert name). You are (insert number) years old. You are a (insert job here).
THE UNLEARNING
You are a soul having a human experience. Your identity is a costume you wear and you’re the one that gets to decide what that looks like.
I think in your 20’s it’s a normal and common experience to question who you are (especially my fellow open g centres in human design). Again through conditioning I felt as if I had to know who I was? But I can say I’ve changed every year in my 20’s leading up to my 30’s.
I used to identify so much with my material possessions and appearance in my early 20’s then in my mid 20’s to end my career… now I just know who I am and I know I am beyond all of this stuff which is human.
I’m a soul underneath it all. I honestly didn’t have it figured out for a long time and that’s okay, embrace the unknown and process of figuring it all out in your 20’s.
So I ask you… Who are you? Who are you really? Are you you because of you or because the world made you this way? Do you know your place in this world? What makes you, you?
6. Self love
THE LEARNING
It’s easy to love others but hard to love yourself.
THE UNLEARNING
What if it’s not about loving yourself but loving being yourself?
Self love has evolved rapidly in my 20’s to now being 30. At times even in the book I mention feeling sad and now ultimately having so much compassion for myself in my 20’s in my self love journey.
I used to be someone who needed to be externally validated especially by men and social media. It’s funny that this year I’ve been on social media less in my business yet incredibly abundant despite changing algorithms too. I’ve been less on social media in personal life and more happier and carefree than ever too. Again not to go to extremes because I also love social media as a conscious tool to connect and help people!
Something that really made me question things is how I start the Self Love chapter in The Great Unlearning.
“If I were to ask you to name all the places, things and people you love, I can almost guarantee that your name is last, if it is even on the list at all. It’s about unlearning that self love can’t be bought. It can’t be earned by being pretty, smarter, more successful and so fourth. Self love takes work. Self work is a conscious on going journey”.
7. Your Thoughts
THE LEARNING
Everything you think is a fact and must be true.
THE UNLEARNING
Your thoughts are not facts, but they do form your reality.
A simple game changer for me that really unlevelled my awareness and consciousness.
At the end of the day, your thoughts are just thoughts. We are conditioned to believe our thoughts should be or need to be a certain way but they don’t. Our minds are great storytellers!
8. Happiness
THE LEARNING
You should be happy all the time (everyone else is!).
THE UNLEARNING
You don’t have to be happy all the time. You say you want to be happy but only when you’re a certain way or something in particular has happened in your life. That’s not happiness. That’s self-imprisonment.
This stemmed from toxic positivity culture and well-meaning socio-cultural conditioning having been raised Vietnamese Chinese in Australia. It was so freeing to understand it’s okay not to be happy all that time and it’s normal not to be happy all the time.
Sure, you can chase happiness but really it can’t be bought, caught or obtained. You see, so many people seem to miss that happiness doesn’t suddenly start in the relationship, the job, the degree or money… happiness isn’t an object.
Which goes in to my next unlearning.
9. Feelings
THE LEARNING
Feelings are scary and should be avoided at all costs.
THE UNLEARNING
Feelings aren’t scary. They are what make us human.
We live in a society that is ruled by the mind. We must do the logical thing. We must analyse it. Feelings have become foreign. We are scared of feelings. Feelings are uncomfortable.
Again learning my human design was a game changer – I am an emotional authority. We are all built to feel our feelings that’s why we are humans and especially as an emotional authority my soul has been designed and orchestrated to really feel it all as part of my life’s storyline in this lifetime. That yes indeed sensitivity isn’t a curse it’s a superpower and blessing.
My sensitivity helps me attune to clients energy and channeling to receive messages for them. My sensitivity is beautiful because I get to feel the lowest of lows and highest of highs. The two go hand in hand. Duality.
Leading to…
10. Spiritual Breakthroughs
THE LEARNING
Spiritual breakthroughs are sudden epiphanies after dedicated practice and learning.
THE UNLEARNING
Your biggest spiritual breakthroughs won’t be found on a yoga mat or in meditation. You’ll find them through the greatest spiritual practice of all: your life.
I chose this unlearning to best encapsulate the majority of my life experiences navigating difficult circumstances, tough emotions and moving through mental health whether it be deep grief from losing my dad at 20 or the grief that came with leaving my corporate job even though it was what I wanted, my ego death of who I thought I was before becoming a life coach, the end of a three year relationship, moving out of my dream home at the time that had so many significant memories such being able to afford an apartment by the beach due to a promotion and pay rise in my corporate career, as where I started my side hustle turning business/career, where I first lived with a partner for 3 years.
My biggest breakthroughs happened in my biggest breakdowns.
We can know this and still feel how difficult it is because alas the experience of being human.
The Wrap Up
This leads to my wrap up in a big beautiful bow because turning 30 coincides with the end of your Saturn Return which is the equivalent of turning 21 spiritually.
Thus turning 30 this is only the beginning… I’m sure many more unlearning are to come and be shared with you.
If you are in your 20’s and 30’s wanting help, guidance and support from me I strongly recommend reading my book The Great Unlearning which can be purchase online via Amazon and other retailers, as well as in store (you can get your book store to order it!) as well as getting a Saturn Return reading with me and 1:1 coaching.
All details can be found on my website otherwise you can DM me on Instagram @thephidang or email me [email protected].
