Lorenzo has become one of the most talked-about contestants on Love Island, and I think it’s because he highlights something we rarely discuss.
Someone can be emotionally intelligent in one area of life and emotionally unavailable in another.
Those two things are not opposites.
They’re often found in the same person.
Emotional intelligence isn’t one skill
We often describe someone as either emotionally intelligent or emotionally immature.
In reality, emotional intelligence is made up of different abilities.
Someone might be exceptional at reading a room, supporting friends and giving thoughtful advice.
Yet when it’s time to be vulnerable themselves, offer reassurance or navigate romantic conflict, they freeze.
The same person can be incredibly emotionally aware and still struggle with emotional intimacy.
A great friend doesn’t automatically make a great partner
Friendships and romantic relationships ask different things of us.
A friend can make you laugh, give perspective and help you through difficult moments.
A partner needs to do all of that while also creating emotional safety.
Romantic relationships require vulnerability, reassurance, repair after conflict and the willingness to stay emotionally present when things become uncomfortable.
Those are different skills.
Someone can thrive in one role while still learning the other.
Understanding emotions isn’t the same as expressing them
One thing I’ve noticed is that some people are brilliant at understanding how everyone else feels.
But when it’s their own emotions, they become overwhelmed, detached or avoidant.
They solve problems instead of sitting with feelings.
They manage situations instead of comforting people.
They stay calm externally while disconnecting internally.
Being emotionally calm doesn’t always mean someone is emotionally available.
Emotional availability looks different
An emotionally available partner doesn’t always know the perfect thing to say.
They don’t always get it right.
What matters is that they stay present.
They listen without trying to fix.
They offer reassurance instead of distance.
They repair after conflict instead of pretending nothing happened.
They let you see what’s happening inside them instead of keeping every feeling behind closed doors.
The strongest relationships need both friendship and romance
People often say you should marry your best friend.
I think that’s only half the story.
The healthiest relationships are built on friendship, but they don’t stop there.
A lasting relationship needs someone who can:
- Listen like a friend.
- Support like a teammate.
- Comfort like a safe place.
- Communicate like a partner.
Friendship is the foundation.
Emotional intimacy is what turns that foundation into love.
Final thoughts
Sometimes the person everyone loves socially isn’t the person who can give you what you need romantically.
That doesn’t make them a bad person.
It simply means they may still be developing the emotional skills that romantic relationships require.
Being a great friend is a wonderful quality.
But a healthy relationship asks for something more.
Not just emotional awareness.
Emotional availability.
love & positivity ✨ phi
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