20: TJ Shana
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Episode Summary of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 20: TJ Shana
The first guest ever on the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, is TJ Shana.
TJ is a personal growth champion. He is all about inspiration and motivation to help you take the first step towards being your best self.
What you'll learn from this episode
- How TJ Shana manifested this collaboration opportunity with me!
- TJ Shana on what has made him grow through life – loss and death particularly an insight into Zimbabwean culture and sayings.
- TJ Shana on his mission to help people take the first step to being their best selves
- TJ Shana on experiencing depression
- TJ Shana on grief and his journey with grief
- TJ Shana on feeling your emotions and men’s mental health
- TJ Shana on how to best support someone going through a tough time
- TJ Shana on manifestation, law of attraction, spirituality and energy
- TJ Shana on how he came from Zimbabwe to Australia
- TJ Shana on staying connected to his family overseas
- TJ Shana on what COVID-19 has taught him
- TJ Shana’s favourite books
- TJ Shana’s thoughts on motivation
- TJ Shana on self love for males and how he gives himself love
- TJ Shana shares the best advice he was given
Key Quotes from this Episode
Energy knows no bounds
One of the things that drives me is the fact that I am going to die.
Your emotional life is like a house.
Featured Resources on the episode
- You can find TJ here on his instagram: Tjshanaofficial
- TJ’s instagram Reroute – Inspiration | Motivation | Good News
- Please note the book recommendations below are our recommendations truly with an affiliate link, you pay a normal price and we get a small payment by freely recommending 🙂 <3
- Phi’s book recommendation on trauma in the body: The Body Keeps the Score: Mind, Brain and Body in the Transformation of Trauma
- Rich Dad Poor Dad: What the Rich Teach Their Kids About Money That the Poor and Middle Class Do Not!
- Can’t Hurt Me: Master Your Mind and Defy the Odds
- Atomic Habits: the life-changing million-copy #1 bestseller
- Learn more about 1:1 Coaching with Phi here.
- Follow Phi on Instagram here.
The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 20: TJ Shana
Please note the following transcript was automatically generated.
[Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:
Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.
Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.
My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”
My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.
Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.
This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.
Ready to grow? Let’s grow!
[Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]
[Episode 20 – TJ Shana Begins]
An introduction to TJ Shana
Phi: Hi, beautiful souls. It’s so good to see you again. Well I mean hear you again. Or you can hear me. Today, as I mentioned on the last episode of the growth or podcast, I have a very special guest with me. His name is TJ. He’s the first guest ever on this podcast. I have been dying for him to come on. He is so awesome.
We actually crossed paths on Instagram. When I saw his posts, they really resonated with me. He is such a beautiful human with such a beautiful soul. I can’t wait for you guys to get to know him and I’m still getting to know him. I think he’s awesome. So I’m going to bring him on, so please everybody welcome TJ.
He is known for helping you take your first step in the path to self-growth. He’s a personal growth champion, TJ, thank you so much for coming on the podcast.
TJ: Hey, how you doing? Thank you for having me. Thank you so much for having me.
TJ Shana on manifesting this collaboration opportunity
Phi: I’m happy to, we had such a good Instagram live and TJ shared this really funny story because I’ve been talking about manifesting and I wanted to hear it from TJ. Could you please share that story about how you came across me and working with me. Cause I think it’s just such a cute and funny story.
TJ: Here’s the thing it’s weird, right? Like the world, the world works in weird ways. Um, the first ever time that I saw, um, any of your posts, I don’t even remember what the post was, to be honest.
I remember how it felt and that’s that, you know, you know how we hear a lot of people say, people don’t care as much how, what you do as opposed to how you make them feel. That was me in that moment. I remember how I felt and I remember thinking to myself, I’m like, you know what, she’s going to be my friend, number one, number two, I’m going to collaborate with her.
And, you know, I’m, you know, I’m just going to feed as much, um, feed from her energy as much as possible because, you know, I, I really, really did feel your energy and. This was, this is way before, you know, we started talking and it just, it just happened very organically. And I’m very, very thankful. I think that’s one of the reasons why I’m always so excited.
Um, not only about your posts and listening to your podcasts, but I was also very excited about being here because this is literally, you know,
Phi: Here it is, it is a testament to you. Thank you so much for your kind words. It’s so true. I agree with you. You never can remember things, but you’re always remember how you feel. And I think the great thing is when I see your posts, I get very inspired to create my own content. I feed off your energy and it makes sense.
Phi Dang x TJ Shana Instagram Live on Self Love
TJ Shana on what has made him grow through life - loss and death
Phi: We’re such energetic beings. So I would love for you to share with everyone, on the podcast: a bit more about yourself and, as you know, the name of the podcast is the Growth Through It Podcast. perhaps some experiences that have really happened in your life that have made you grow and become who you are today right now.
TJ: Okay. Um, I think the biggest thing that had a huge impact on my life was firstly, the, the debt, the, you know, the passing on of my dad, that’s when it was involved. Six years old and you know, being kids, you don’t understand it. You don’t understand what’s going on. And in my culture, Um, I grew up in Zimbabwe and our culture.
We don’t show a lot of emotions, particularly men, ladies it’s okay for them. But for us men, we are told to be strong. We are told to suck it up and just move on with life. And so this, this is, you know, this is what happened in the, I just had to internalize it. Be strong for, um, for my mom and my younger brother, cause my mom wasn’t dealing with it very well.
So I had to, as a kid, try to, you know, be a comfort and, you know, be there for my younger brother as well, who did not understand what was going on. So that had a very big, big impact in shaping how, um, how I function, how I interact with the people it’s. Uh, you know, affected how I see life as well. And, you know, the second biggest thing that affected my life was my mom two years ago.
And so now you see that, you know, dealt with grief from two very different angles, one as a kid and one as an adult and as a very two very different things. And. You know, I felt a lot of guilt about that because when my mom passed away, I hadn’t seen it in close to like 10 years. And there’s lots of stuff that we hadn’t resolved.
We were meaning to resolve it when I was going to fly over to South Africa and see her. But she passed on before I had the opportunity to get there. So there is so much that was just placed on me. Yeah. And I was like, Oh, you know, oldest pain, all this, um, grief. And I didn’t know what to do with it. And so that’s one of the reasons why I, um, you know, started the, you know, the Instagram page because I was using it as an outlet because one of the things I believe sometimes in order to receive, you need to give.
TJ Shana on what has made him grow through life - having experienced depression
TJ: I’m hoping other people and, you know, you know, as a result, it comes back to me, you know, sewing and reaping. So that’s one of the biggest reasons why I started the page. Another reason why I started the page is, you know, I I’ve experienced depression in my life as well, about six years ago. And you know, I got out of that then God, but someone else does it have, um, the.
The restraints who go through what they’re going through and they just need someone to help them out. And that’s the reason why I am such a big believer in helping people take the first step, because the first step for a lot of people is the most important step. It’s it’s make or break. Some people fail to take the first step and then it leads to very, very bad situation.
So for me, I’m all about the first step and then point people in the right direction. Like, Hey, you know, uh, Is content from this creator or this book, or, you know, I believe in pointing people in the right direction. I’m just a signpost. So that’s my question. I love that TJ sign price is so important because people are looking for that.
TJ Shana on what has made him grow through life - grief
Phi: And I love that you turned your experiences to help others. I think that’s such an amazing thing that you do and give people that first step, because it is the hardest. So if anyone’s listening. The first step is always the hardest, but it’s so rewarding and there’s people out there that can help you.
And I think one thing that really connects us together is experiencing grief, right? We, I mean, you’ve lost both. I’ve lost my dad and you’re actually wow. You know, having that experience as a kid and as an adult, I would love for you. Um, if you feel comfortable to kind of share maybe like two things that you really learned from your experiences with grief.
TJ: I think that the first thing is it’s important to feel what you need to feel. Right? Grief, grief is different for different people. Um, that we have a saying in and back home where, where we say, um, and I’m translating it roughly hope it translates properly into English, but we say, uh, grief has no.
Practice match. You cannot practice a quiz before you actually got through. And it’s one of those things it’s going to be, you know, it’s going to be very different for everyone. Some people are going to experience anger. Some people are gonna experience guilt. Some people are going to experience intense sorrow, but that being said, when you allow yourself to feel that also remind yourself that it’s also important to.
To grow through it as the name of the podcast is, you know, I’m a very big believer in that because I have seen, um, I have seeing the effects of not breathing properly, um, to my mom. My mom was a great month, phenomenal woman, you know, she’s a very strong woman, but one of the things that really affected my younger brother and I was, she.
Her grief, uh, stopped her from being able to. Be in the moment with us as her children, you know, and, you know, I, I believe maybe just because, you know, she didn’t have, you know, as a mini, as much of a support system or she didn’t have, you know, some of the right tools, but there are people out there that can help.
If you are going through grief, be willing to accept, help from other people. It’s not your journey alone to go through you. Um, it’s, it’s a shared experience so that those are some of the things that I’ve learned through the grief. Yeah, thank you so much. I really felt the emotion and the loving saying and what you were saying.
Phi: And I think that, yes, you’re not alone, like even us, right? Like we have a shared experience and I’m showing you went through is I felt like I was alone. I’m like, no one knows what it feels like, but they do. And they’ll always be connection points with people, whether that’s grief or something else, like soccer or food or something, there’s always something to connect us.
TJ Shana on feeling your emotions, men's mental health
Phi: And I kind of want to. Pull some pieces of what you said together, especially when it comes to feel your emotions. I agree with you. You have to feel them. And I wanted to get your perspective as a man, because I know, you know, I’m very passionate about men’s mental health as well. And I’d love to hear your perspective on men’s mental health and what you kind of have to say around the topic.
TJ: Men’s mental health, um, men as men, we’re very simple creatures and yet very complex as well. Uh, in the sense that, because we are. Society has trained us to internalize everything and I’m still on this journey. So I’m, I wouldn’t say I’m an expert. I am, I’m also learning. Um, but one of the things that I’ve noticed is that as men, we need to be more willing to open up, you know, um, what we, the things that we deem as weakness, aren’t really weakness.
Sometimes it’s okay to cry sometimes it’s okay to feel. A type of way, you know, and a lot of, a lot of us men are dealing with stuff and, you know, we don’t speak out and it results in so much, um, so much, uh, Pain. I don’t know, not only in pain, but we acted out, we use the oldies, bring these mechanisms that aren’t that healthy.
You know, you find, um, some guys ended up, you know, uh, indulging in too much alcohol or promiscuity and all of that things because we are trying to find a way to heal and we just don’t know how to, you know, how to do it. So I think that, you know, as men need to learn to open up and as a society, we need to get to a point where we allow men to say their stories, you know, and remove that stigma that comes with, um, allowing yourself to be vulnerable.
TJ Shana on how to best support someone going through a tough time
Phi: I agree with you. I think it’s really important to fight the stigma for men, for everyone really, but in particular men with all the alarming suicide rates out there, and I wanted to get your perspective, you know, how do you best support someone, whether it’s a man or a woman or somebody, you know, that you feel like they’re going through a tough time?What advice would you give them?
TJ: I think the first thing before we even get to the advice is. Making them feel heard. That’s one of the biggest, um, challenges that for us, men that we experience is that when we, because it takes a lot to get to the point where you actually say what’s on your heart, but.
Feeling heard, feeling heard. It’s going to make the difference between between going forward with being vulnerable or closing that cup because closing that cup is more comfortable for most guys. Right. So I think feeling heard is the most important part. So for me personally, when I am, when I’m speaking to someone, I think the first thing that I’ll do is, you know, Make them know that this is a safe environment and my energy has to match that and say, you know what?
We are here to help each other. It’s a journey. It’s okay for you to go through what you’re going through, um, and actually wants to be better and feel, you know, so I think that’s the first thing. And then the second thing is that, um, I think it’s important to, to let it all out. You know, um, identify, I, I spoke, uh, when you’re alive, just now I, we talked about, um, we talked about a house, how your life would be emotional life is like a house where you’ve got all these closed rooms and sometimes you can’t open these rooms.
You don’t seem to have the keys to these rooms. A lot of the times what happens is that we live in these houses, these emotional houses that. Uh, dirty and be crying over that spilt milk. We cry over that trauma, but we’re not taking the initiative to clean up that mess, you know? And I think the thing about it is when you open up and when you let it all out, you start, you’re going through the process of cleaning out that whole mess.
And I think it’s important to, you know, just. You know, allow yourself to let it all out. Even the things that you think are uncomfortable, even things that you feel are, um, uh, embarrassing or shameful, it’s important to let it all out. And then the healing can start from there, you know? Yeah, I love that you brought that up.
Phi: I was actually going to ask you to share that analogy cause we really bounced off that in the Instagram live and it was kind of like what the book I was telling you about how trauma is stored in your body and running on your analogy about the house. Like yes. Maybe you didn’t cause the room to be closed because most often it’s like programming or based on your upbringing, but you always have the monster cage.
It’s up to you, whether you want to open the door, you know, tidy it up or whatever, you have so much more power than you think. And I thought it was really interesting that you mentioned that you kind of want it to be an energy match when you are listening to somebody to make sure that they are heard.
TJ Shana on manifestation, law of attraction and energy
Phi: And I’d love to, um, get your take on it because I’m quite a spiritual being. I think people say I’m in the “woo”, cause I really love energy and it’s one of those things people can’t explain sometimes. So I would love to know your perspective on energy and things like that. You know, like whether it’s manifestation law of attraction, feeling other people’s energies, what’s your tech TJ.
TJ: Okay. Um, I’m also a very spiritual person. Um, And the, one of the things I believe about energy, energy knows no bounds. I was thinking about this. Um, I think last week when we discussed, you know, coming on the podcast, I was thinking about how I was just reflecting on how. I thought about this. I was like, you know what, I’m going to be on live with fi and we’re going to have a good time.
We’re going to vibe. This is before we actually, you know, we actually discussed that. And the reason why I was thinking about it was like, Oh, okay, I will any of these in Sydney and underplay thousands of miles away, but we. Because the energies are aligned, it’s we connect for some reason, you know? Um, I’m, I’m by no means I’m not an expert on AGS or anything like that, but I do believe that, um, we have the ability to lift up the vibrations in our own lives or within our own surroundings and will affect.
You know, not only, um, the people around us that can affect someone else that you connected connected from, you know, another part of the world. I also do believe in the law of attraction, uh, scripture calls it the law of faith. You know, I believe it’s just the same thing. Um, because at the end of the day, We have the ability to speak certain things.
They become. Uh, I was reading a book. Uh, I forget who it is. I’ll tell you. But later on, if I remember, and, um, at the end of the day, because the world is made out of. Vibration and energy. Right? And so when we speak, we are letting out energy. We are, we are creators, we’ve got the ability to create from our mounts.
And that’s one thing that I’m a very big believer in our speak, certain things. And some, some things have taken years and years and years to manifest, and some things have taken weeks, but at the same time, I believe that it’s all built up, but then that being said, there has to be action that goes along with it, because you can’t say I embody this energy, but the way that you act is really different.
TJ Shana on how he came from Zimbabwe to Australia
Phi: So yeah. That’s how it is. Just how I see it. Yeah, I definitely agree with you there. Like that’s what we say is inspired action. You can’t just like wish in a way you kind of have to also compel yourself to do things. And I love what you said about energy having no bounds and, you know, cause you’re in Perth, I’m in Sydney, we’re on the same continent.
And I mean, I would love for you to share how you came from Zimbabwe and ended up in Perth, Australia?
TJ: Well, the way I came to it’s weird because that was that’s another. Whole situation with manifesting because what happened was after my dad passed away, one of the one, one, one month, the people that took a father role is my dad’s younger brother.
And I lived with him for, you know, throughout high school and whatnot. And, you know, he was working in Zimbabwe. Uh, you know, if you are, if you do know about some, about where the economy tax, uh, in the early two thousands, and he was looking for a job. And I remember speaking to him and I was like, Hey, why not try Australia?
And it’s like, nah, he wasn’t, he wasn’t too keen on that. And. I remember because she didn’t like, I think we went for like two years back and forth about that. And I was like, yeah, why not? Because for some reason in my heart, I felt that, you know, Australia was going to be home at some point because I envisioned it.
I don’t know how, yeah. It just, it just happened unconsciously. And one day he just found a job. It just all happened. And then I came over with him and the rest is history, you know? So that’s, that’s how I wound up here.
Phi: That’s amazing. And I think like something from me, cause I was born in Australia, but I have a Vietnamese Chinese background.
So I was thinking about like, how do you, how does culture like from Zimbabwe kind of play into your life, do you feel very connected to back home? Do you feel like you’re more Australian? I just always get so curious about other people that have different heritages and ways of life and where they’ve lived.
I find it so fascinating.
TJ: I think it’s weird because one of the ways, how I see I’m more. Uh, I, I do definitely see, uh, Australia and particularly at home. I absolutely love the city. I love the fact that I love where I live because it’s so for the beaches are gorgeous and whatnot, but more so, I think. It’s more about family than everything else.
I think cause my, one of my biggest values is family and I’ve managed to create a lot of relationships, both here in Australia and back home living. The only person who is in Zimbabwe at the moment is my younger brother, everyone else’s in other parts of the world. Um, but in terms of where I feel rooted because I, because I also do believe in energy, I think that.
If I’m to move into, go to any part of the world, I think I’d be fine because I somehow feel connected with the people I’m connected to too, if that makes yeah. I love that. No, that makes sense. For sure. Yeah. So for example, like, uh, you and I, you know, we’re friends. Uh, but I feel connected with you. I feel like, you know, we, you know, we get bouncing off each other’s energies.
Um, I’ve got family in Swazi land. I’ve got family in different parts of the world, but the, it, the people that I’ve got a strong bond with. You know, they, um, they act no matter where, so that’s, I see, that’s so nice and really comforting for those listening, who aren’t in Australia. And it’s very affected by COVID-19, which has kind of happened and all of that.
And I think that’s so important to take note of, and I wanted to see what your like, kind of learnings have been from the global pandemic and how it’s impacted your life. Well, I think to begin with, um, the biggest symptom to me for, um, with regards to the pandemic is grad student. Firstly, because of the fact that I happened to live in Paris, I’m very lucky to be here.
And we haven’t had as much of an outbreak as other parts of the world because Pratt is so isolated. The parents, they say we are the biggest, we’re the most isolated big city in the world, you know, so we haven’t experienced much of the shutdowns as compared to other people. And I’m very, very grateful for that.
Um, but that being said, I think that has, uh, taken away a lot of the things that we, um, a lot of things that really don’t matter as much, um, uh, in terms of, you know, when you get to a point where you are facing or, um, you are polygamous. You are facing a situation where you have to confront your own mortality. A lot of the things that you think matter, don’t matter as much, you know, you realize that, you know, money isn’t as important as we think it is.
We realize that looking good isn’t as important as it is, realize that family and relationships are actually much higher on the totem pole than, you know, then they should, then, then, you know, then we have been placing them. So, um, I think that that separation from each other has connected a lot of people much more in certain ways, because we’ve realized how important human connection is.
So for when, when, when the world opens up in different parts of the world, we will appreciate human interaction and people much more. So for those that, um, are, uh, Uh, uh, conscious of that fact, they’ll allow the set themselves to, you know, enjoy the moment when they are interacting with people and not just, you know, be drones out there in the world, you know, it will allow us to connect much more.
TJ on gratitude and mortality
Phi: That’s just how it is. Yeah. I love that. And I started, remember you did a poster in Christmas that really inspired me. I think you were talking about how we should be grateful all year round, not just during Christmas. And that really inspired me. And something else I’ll add is when you talked about mortality and it’s like, yeah, it is super confronting.
Right? I think even people listening to our podcast, it can be confronting because we’ve both experienced grief and death. And one thing I learned from my experience with losing my dad is I’m so grateful to be alive, like gift of life. Like you just think, especially, um, I lost my dad when I was 19. I was like, Oh, like, I didn’t know, people.
You know, I thought we will live forever, like invincible, especially our parents. And I’m like, what, what do you mean? Like, he didn’t get sick, he ain’t get cancer. And, you know, I was wondering what you kind of like maybe, um, a taker that you got from your experience from your parents or your family. Like what have you kind of learned about whether it’s like mortality or life itself?
TJ: I know very, very deep question, but something I’m very curious about. Very, very important question in blockchain. An interview by Gary V at some point, um, a few weeks ago. And, and the, the guy asked him, he said, what, what gives you drive every day? And he says, you know how Gary B, he is very blunt to read. One of the things that drives me is the fact that I am going to die.
Right. And he’s accepted. That fact is accepted the fact that I’m not going to be here forever. So I might as well make the most of. You know, most of the time that I have, and that’s just how I see things as well. Like I have gotten to the point where I’m getting much have been much more, um, I’ve accepted the fact that I’m not going to be here forever.
And with the time that I have, I have to make sure not only that I enjoy my life, but I impact people as much as possible. You know, I make a positive impact in people’s lives. So that could be, you know, I don’t have to be, um, uh, Nelson Mandela in order to affect people’s guns in order to affect people’s lives, it can be your family.
You know, it could be your friends, but wherever you go be the kind of person who brings, brings the like Brendon Burchard says, he says, bring the joy. Right? So I haven’t learned to. Embody that to bring the joy, bring that positive energy because I’m not going to be here forever. And if there’s anything that I want to be remembered for, it’s for helping people be better people, you know?
TJ Shana's favourite books
Phi: Thank you for sharing that. Cause I know it can be quite. Yeah, personal and things like that. And I want to throw it back because we just did a live. And you asked me my three favourite books. I would like to ask you the question now.
What are your favorite three books?
TJ: Whoa. Okay. Three books that have changed my life three. Okay. I think number one. Rich Dad, Poor Dad. That’s my absolute favourites. Finance book. Um, it has taught me a lot in terms of, you know, even just personal finance. Um, and it’s made me realize that the way I interact with money is more an issue of the mind than the money itself I mind is going to affect, you know, my spending habits, et cetera, et cetera.
The second, my second favourite book was, Can’t Hurt Me by David Goggins. I don’t know if you’ve read that one. That’s an absolute, if you haven’t, if you haven’t, I suggest you actually get the audio because audio is really, really good. So it talks about all these traumas that she has gone through in his life.
And this guy is. Uh, he came from a very poor background and he eventually became a mistaken and, you know, he just Rose up through the ranks. He’s faced so much and he has come up much stronger. So that’s that’s number two. And my third favourite book is Atomic Habits. Which I’m using it for the third time.
And I think the biggest takeaway from that book is the statement that James clear says. He says we don’t rise to the level of our goals before to the level of our systems. Oh, that’s a good one. And that has changed. Like when I heard that for the first time I’m a mind was blown and it’s one of those things that.
Every single time that I have taken my eyes off the system and put my eye only on the goal, I’ve realized that I don’t succeed as much or I film. But when I focus on the system, I go much, much further. And I think that’s a teaching that a lot more people need to hear about, you know.
TJ Shana on motivation
Phi: Can you share a bit more on that and kind of like obviously us being in the spheres of personal development, growth and spirituality, what’s your take on motivation? I think that’s a really hot topic for everybody.
TJ: Well, what’s my take on motivation. I think the motivation is I like the way Les Brown puts it.
He said it could be less Brown or. I’m not sure, but anyway, say, uh, motivation is one of those things that, um, you do you, how does he put it? It’s like taking a bot needs to do it every day. If you, if you stop doing it, if you stop partying for one or two days, you can get away with it. But eventually it’s going to show motivation needs to motivate yourself daily.
But that being said, I think that motivation within, within, you know, by itself, Isn’t going to take you as far. I think, uh, motivation has to be connected with an intense, um, passion for life. You know, that you love, it’s easier to be a motivational quote, motivated to do those things that you know, that you need to do.
Um, regardless of whether the boring or exciting or whatever, you know. So I think that at the end of the day, I think for me, the bigger thing than motivation, it’s just having a passion for life, having, uh, doing things that you love, you know, cause a lot of people try to be motivated to do. The wrong thing, you know?
Um, and by the wrong thing, I mean, you know, you are, uh, going after a goal that you’re not passionate about it. It’s not your life, you know? So at the end of the day more with your why you’re more likely to, you know, to keep on. Keep on going. Yeah.
Phi: Yeah. It’s so true. Cause sometimes I ask my clients, I’m like, do you actually want this?
Or is this what you thought you wanted? And maybe you’ve changed your mind, but you’re still chasing it because you think you have to, or you should, or because your family wants you to, or your partner or whatever. So I thought that was really interesting. And I guess thinking about that, like my clients experience, so some of my clients are male.
TJ Shana on self love for males
Phi: I know that we just spoke about self love on our Instagram live. And I would love to hear your perspective as a man on the concept of self-love, because I think people bucket, self love is a very girly and feminine energy, which I would agree it’s feminine energy, but it doesn’t mean it’s not for men too.
TJ: Yeah. Yeah, I think so. Self-love yeah, it’s a, it’s one of those things we think, uh, when many of you, the word self-love, you know, we think a bubble box and candles and pets, flower petals in the bath and that sort of thing, but it doesn’t really have to be there. They can be though, and it’s a great thing, you know, but that being said, I think self-love has to be the self-love is one of those things that have to be very personalized.
And I, I gave you an example. One of the ways I practice self-love is I will throw on a, I actually have a record collection, so I’ll play the old Michael Jackson thriller album and just dance by myself in the house. No one there to watch me with my really, really bad dad. And I enjoy myself. Right? So for someone else that could be fishing for someone else to be going, you know, playing golf for someone else, it might be.
It doesn’t really have to be anything that you particularly good at, you know, but it’s, it has to be something that makes you feel as though it makes you not only feel good, but it makes you feel as though you’ve had an outlet. You know, I have a friend of mine who’s, uh, one, one way in which he practices self-love is boxing.
You know, he, you know, he goes into the rain spars with someone and, you know, And that’s it. He enjoys himself, you know? So I think that at the end of the day, self love doesn’t have to be, um, we don’t have to put it to within this container of it has to look like this at the end of the day, it has to be more an issue of what works for you and do what doing what works for you.
Phi: So, yeah, that’s how I see it. Yeah. And we definitely discussed about how we were saying that love is just such this abundant thing. It’s like everywhere. But for some reason, people think that love is finite and it’s not out there, but it’s also because like, we’ve just discussed, like, love can be in any forms, whether it’s romantic or friendship, there’s just so much love out there, whether it’s for other people or yourself.
TJ: Right. Because at the end of the day, we are infinite. Like I said before, we are infinite. Creatures, right. We’ve got infinity within our hearts, within our souls. The soul is an infinite space. That’s what I believe. So that one of things, um, I, I’m very conscious of the fact that I have got infinite love within me.
No one can actually cannot run out of love, you know? So if, if I, um, I just need to be conscious of that and, you know, give it to myself. You know, a lot of, I think one of the biggest downfalls for a lot of us and myself included, you know, I’ve experienced, it is very bad. Your self-talk is an indicator of yourself.
Love in my experience, you know? And I tell people if you would never say it to someone that you love or to a little kid, why would you say to yourself. Because a lot of people go through life saying, no, no, you can’t do it. Oh, I’m too ugly. Or I’m too, this I’m too short. Or, you know, I’m not skilled enough.
But if the person you love was to come to you with an issue, uh, where there’s some self-loading or self-doubting you would encourage them, like, no, you can’t do it, go for it. You know, it’s okay to fail. So if you would say that to someone else, why would you say, why would you expect or say anything less to yourself?
TJ Shana on the best advice he has received
Phi: Yeah, that’s really true. Thank you. And I guess I’ve kind of wanted to end it today’s podcast with, I just what’s been the best advice you’ve ever been given by who and what did they say to you? Wow. I’m ending it because to sustain this energy because we’ve literally been talking about such grand topics and really getting introspective. So there would be no other end, but this to end on something like that best advice that anyone has ever you.
TJ: Wow, Uh, I think the best piece of advice that anyone’s ever given me was actually forget who, who actually told me this.
I forget his name, actually. Uh, he was an older man that, um, I interacted with a few years ago. I think at a shop. I love that. It’s always random. Yeah. It’s all these random. And we were talking and he said to me, it’s like, you know, um, one of two things you need to realize in life is no one owes you.
Anything never, ever, go through life, expecting people to just hand things to you. If you want something, you have to not only go after it, but you need to create the kind of energy that attracts what it is that you want. And what he meant by that is you need to be deserving of that. You know, because for example, you know, we want love, but we’re not.
We’re not embodying love in our own personal lives. You know, you want to get into a relationship with this, um, with this gorgeous human being. Who’s awesome. Who’s honest, who is this with that? But you, you, yourself, you don’t deserve love because you’re not embodying that. So at the end of the day, I think that that really impacted me because it made me realize that at the end of the day, I might want something, but I need to embody what it is that I want before I get it, you know?
Phi: Yeah. Such wise words. And I love that. That’s how the world works. It’s always some random interaction that you don’t think that would change your life. But obviously this interaction with that, man, he gave you that piece of advice and it stuck with you and you still don’t, you don’t even know who he is.
And I guess it shows that you never know the impact that people make in your life. And you never know the impact that you’ll make on someone’s life. Right. I wanted to end the note because where can people find you TJ? Because you’ve been absolutely amazing in this podcast. I think people are going to want to see your content.
How to find TJ and what he is up to
Phi: Tell us how can we find you? What are you working on? Tell us more.
TJ: Well, I’m working on a few projects that will be out later on this year. So, definitely tools that will, uh, help individuals to take the first step. I’m all about the first step. So that could be anyone that is, um, you know, starting to get out of, you know, taking the first steps towards getting out of depression or someone who’s just gone through a breakup or whatever.
It’s these are going to be tools that will help that person, uh, to take the first step. So that’s a promise that’s guaranteed. Um, but where they can find me, TJshanaofficial on Instagram. Uh, it’s all one word. Uh, um, I posted pretty, pretty regularly and there’ll be more video content coming up.
There is a podcast in the works as well. Yeah. Yeah. I’ll definitely hit you up.
The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 20: TJ Shana Close
Phi: Well, thank you so much for being on the podcast. TJ, I will drop all the links in the show notes for everybody to get in touch with you because you’re a fantastic soul and people need to get to know you. So thank you so much for being on the show.
I really appreciate it. Thank you so much. We really appreciate it. Thanks, bye.
[Episode 20 -TJ Shana Outro]
Are you wanting to find out more about 1:1 Coaching or working with me? Maybe perhaps you want to know more about me. I’d love to connect with you. You can visit my website phidang.com or connect with me on Instagram @thephidang. Speak to you soon.
