83: Navigating Identity Shifts: Embracing Change
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Are you feeling like you are changing? You might be going through an identity shift. This episode is all about what is an identity shift, why an identity shift may occur, the emotions that can come up when going through an identity shift as well as practical tips and mindset perspectives on how to navigate and embrace an identity shift happening.
Resources from today's episode
Human Design, Identity Shift and The Great Unlearning
Hello beautiful souls, and welcome to today’s episode inspired by the 8 beautiful women I am taking on retreat to Bali in less than 3 weeks! A beautiful golden thread that weaves amongst us all is that we are all navigating and relating identity shifts whether its in regards to different stages of life or a coming of ages for example.
It’s so interesting for me to speak about it especially given my human design personally I have a completely open and undefined g centre and with that comes a common misconception especially for reflectors that it means you have no identity which isn’t true. I definitely have one and if you were to ask people who is Phi I think you’d find they would say human design expert, life coach, positivity queen, beach living, the colour orange, sunflowers and so fourth.
Thus we have this concept of self appointed identity and your true identity. There’s so many layers to this and I delve into this in greater depth in Chapter 7 Self Identity of my book The Great Unlearning available as a physical book, e book and audiobook too by the way!
I write that learning is that
You are (insert name). You are (insert number) years old. You are a (insert job here).
Who are you? Who are you really? Are you you because of you or because the world made you this way? Do you know your place in this world? How do you answer those awkward ice breakers in a group environment? Fun fact about yourself? (Cue the anxiety racking your brain for one.) Two truths and a lie? What makes you, you? You are normal, right?
Human Design as a tool to navigate an identity shift
We have labels and ways we attempt to understand ourselves ultimately as a divine soul having a human experience. Our identity is one of those ways we make sense of the world and the best tool, modality and framework for that in my opinion is human design because it’s so incredibly powerful. It’s a map and guide to who you are through the lens of your energy, personality, where energy flows between different parts of who you are, life themes and amongst a diverse and rich set of information found in your human design blueprint which I’ll add I do readings as well as online blueprints which you can find on my website and to book in a reading with me.
Saturn Return and Identity Shift
So how did identity shifts come into the fold of conversation well the other day last week I found myself at the beach on the sand after I swim where I used to live for four years and it dawned on me that I hadn’t been back since I moved out off the back of the breakup 2 years ago with my ex partner of 3 years.
I had this moment where I was like wow I am so different to the girl who used to come to this beach everyday whether it was 5am before work and side hustle life coaching or 11am on a Monday to soak in my new found freedom running my own business.
That in itself I had so many identities tied to this one moment time and strangely but not really because nothing is a coincidence is it, that hey I happened to also end up at this beach around the time we parted ways for good when my ex partner moved back to England.
A few of the identity interplays I had back then:
I was going through my Saturn Return at around the age of 27. Before my Saturn Return begun I had just moved to my own two bedroom apartment and planned to have a hot girl single summer before I ended up meeting my ex partner, falling in love and he moved in with me. I was in a high flying corporate job as a brand strategy manager when the pandemic happened and with reduced work hours I had the downtime to start my passion project my Instagram which led to my side hustle as a life coach by demand and now it’s almost three years full time as a life coach in my own business.
By the end of my Saturn Return my ex partner and I broke up and I moved to my dream apartment at a neighbouring iconic beach. If we take Saturn Return to extend to 31 for it’s final completion that’s still underway but here I am thriving and loving life three years as a life coach, have written a book, made multiple 6 figures in my business, about to take a group of incredible 8 women on retreat to Bali and recently celebrated one year with my new partner. Whewwww Saturn Return I know. As you can see so many different identities here: single, in a relationship, corporate identity, employee, self employed like even the suburbs I lived in previously was more a beach lifestyle, chilled settled down community to iconic, busy and bustling.
Unlearning like a phoenix with your identity
It aligns and makes sense to me of course that my book is The Great Unlearning: Awakening to living an Aligned and Authentic Life with the symbol being that of a phoenix. See that as a parallel to our identities within a life time, dying to rise and reborn from the ashes of our previous.
Such a worthwhile, life changing experience of identity shifts but not without it’s challenges, I think these two quotes could summarise my experience:
“Growth is painful. Change is painful. But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don’t belong.”
“We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”
What is an identity shift?
Identity shifts refer to significant changes in the way individuals perceive themselves and how they define their roles, values, and beliefs. These shifts can occur gradually or suddenly and can be influenced by various internal and external factors. They often involve a reevaluation of one’s self-concept and can lead to a transformation in behavior, attitudes, and life choices.
Why do identity shifts happen?
Life Transitions
Major life events such as marriage, divorce, becoming a parent, or experiencing the death of a loved one can trigger identity shifts.
These transitions often require individuals to adapt to new roles and responsibilities, leading to a redefinition of their self-identity.
“Grief does not change you, Hazel. It reveals you.”
When my Dad was ill and passed away when I just turned 20 I became someone who lives life to the fullest, travel, try things I would never do such as when he was sick backpacking around Europe at 18/19 solo. Going to a festival by myself at Tomorrowland. Opening myself up to new experiences I previously said I would never do or consider.
Personal Growth
As people grow and mature, their values, beliefs, and priorities can change.
Personal development activities, such as education, therapy, or spiritual practices, can facilitate self-discovery and identity shifts.
Coming out of spiritual closet, feel more comfortable once I left my corporate job for example but if I’m honest it started earlier with me sharing updates on the moon.
Career Changes
Changing careers or job roles can significantly impact one’s sense of identity.
Entrepreneur the way I see money e.g. investment vs a debt.
Moving from a familiar profession to a new one can lead to a reassessment of skills, strengths, and professional identity.
Going back to school, higher education.
Cultural and Social influences
Migration, exposure to different cultures, or changes in societal norms can prompt identity shifts.
Adapting to new cultural environments can lead to a blending or reevaluation of cultural identities.
Going back to Vietnam sparked this in me. A sense of pride, understanding my family more, my roots, ancestry and lineage.
Health and Wellbeing
Experiencing a major health crisis or achieving significant health goals can alter self-perception.
Overcoming illness or making substantial lifestyle changes can lead to a renewed sense of self.
Relationships
Entering or leaving significant relationships can prompt identity shifts.
Interactions with new social circles, partners, or mentors can influence one’s self-concept.
Psychological
Comparison to other people, self discovery
Inner reflections, midlife crises, or existential questions can lead to identity shifts.
Individuals might seek deeper meaning and purpose, prompting a reevaluation of their identity.
Identity Shift and Emotional Journey
1. Confusion and Uncertainty
- Loss of Familiarity:
- Individuals may feel disoriented as they navigate new roles and identities, leading to a sense of loss regarding their former self.
- Questioning Self-Worth:
- During the transition, self-doubt and uncertainty about one’s abilities and value can emerge, challenging self-esteem.
2. Anxiety and Stress
- Fear of the Unknown:
- The unpredictability associated with identity shifts can cause anxiety, as individuals worry about adapting to new circumstances and the potential for failure.
- Pressure to Adapt:
- The need to quickly adjust to new roles or environments can be stressful, particularly if external expectations are high. You want to be like a duck on water already but it takes time.
3. Grief and Loss
- Mourning the Old Identity:
- Letting go of a previous identity can evoke feelings of grief and loss, similar to mourning a significant life change.
- Sense of Nostalgia:
- Reflecting on past roles and experiences can trigger nostalgia, sometimes making it difficult to fully embrace the new identity.
4. Excitement and Empowerment
- Opportunities for Growth:
- Identity shifts often present opportunities for personal and professional growth, leading to feelings of excitement and anticipation.
- Sense of Achievement:
- Successfully navigating an identity shift can boost confidence and a sense of accomplishment, reinforcing self-efficacy.
5. Resilience and Adaptability
- Building Resilience:
- Overcoming the challenges of an identity shift can enhance resilience, as individuals learn to adapt and thrive in new circumstances.
- Strengthening Coping Mechanisms:
- Developing new coping strategies during the transition can improve overall emotional and psychological well-being.
6. Identity Confusion and Crisis
- Struggle with Self-Concept:
- Identity shifts can lead to an identity crisis, where individuals struggle to reconcile different aspects of their self-concept.
- Existential Questions:
- Deep questioning of one’s purpose, values, and life direction can arise, leading to a period of introspection and self-exploration.
7. Improved Self-Awareness
- Enhanced Self-Understanding:
- The process of navigating an identity shift can lead to greater self-awareness and a deeper understanding of one’s values, strengths, and passions.
- Clarified Life Goals:
- Reassessing one’s identity often results in more clearly defined life goals and a stronger sense of direction.
8. Social and Relational Impacts
- Changes in Relationships:
- Identity shifts can alter dynamics in personal and professional relationships, as others adjust to the individual’s new identity.
- Seeking Support:
- Building a supportive network of friends, family, or professional counselors can be crucial in managing the emotional impacts of the transition.
- Building a supportive network of friends, family, or professional counselors can be crucial in managing the emotional impacts of the transition.
9. Emotional Rollercoaster
- Fluctuating Emotions:
- The journey through an identity shift is often marked by fluctuating emotions, including moments of joy, frustration, hope, and despair.
- Navigating Ambiguity:
- Learning to navigate the ambiguity and mixed emotions associated with identity shifts is a key part of the process.
10. Acceptance and Integration
- Embracing Change:
- Gradually accepting and integrating the new identity can lead to a sense of peace and wholeness.
- Authentic Self-Expression:
- The culmination of an identity shift often results in more authentic self-expression and a more cohesive sense of self.
Identity Shift Process; Framework of Stages
- Disruption:
- An event or realization disrupts the current sense of identity.
- This can cause feelings of confusion, anxiety, or loss.
- Exploration:
- Individuals begin to explore new roles, beliefs, and values.
- This phase involves self-reflection, experimentation, and seeking new experiences.
- Integration:
- New aspects of identity are integrated into the self-concept.
- This stage involves accepting and embracing the new identity, leading to a more cohesive sense of self.
- Stabilization:
- The new identity becomes more stable and consistent.
- Individuals feel more comfortable and confident in their new roles and self-perception.
Mindset perspectives on identity shifts
"In any given moment we have two options: to step forward into growth or step back into safety."
“To change who you are, change who you think you are.”
Who are you being? What would your highest self do?
“The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do.”
“Change is inevitable. Growth is optional.”
Other points Phi discusses:
- Seek support
- Practice self care and patience
- Self reflection and awareness: having consistent practices such as journaling
- Values work
- An open growth mindset
- The past, present and future integration
- Balancing reflection and taking action
"Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we’ll ever do"