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Episode Summary of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 10: How to be a Warrior not a Worrier
Learn the biological and evolutionary reason as to why you worry. Find out what it means to have a warrior mindset in addition to practical ways you can be a warrior not a worrier.
What you'll learn from this episode
- The biological and evolutionary reason why humans worry
- What a warrior mindset means
- Practical strategies to be a warrior not a worrier
Key Quotes from this Episode
Don’t let others or society define it for you, figure out what success is for you.
Don’t let others or society define it for you, figure out what success is for you.
Don’t let others or society define it for you, figure out what success is for you.
Featured Resources on the episode
- Learn more about 1:1 Coaching with Phi here.
- Follow Phi on Instagram here.
- For more on chunking and the 1% method to make your goals achievable – Episode 9 of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang: How to Create and Have a Successful 2021
- Mark Leary – Social and Personality Psychologist
- How exercise helps with stress and anxiety. Exercise and stress: Get moving to manage stress – Mayo Clinic.
The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 10: How to be a Warrior not a Worrier
You are listening to episode 10 of the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang: How to be a Warrior not Worrier.
[Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:
Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.
Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.
My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”
My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.
Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.
This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.
Ready to grow? Let’s grow!
[Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]
[Episode 10 – How to Create and Have Success in 2021 Begins]
Hello beautiful souls! How are you going today? So happy to have you join me on another episode of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.
It’s been a busy start to 2021 for me with all things coaching and I wanted to shout out some of the incredible wins my clients are having.
Shout out to M, after one week of coaching we are already seeing huge shifts. When we first spoke, he described feeling numb when it came to dating women and he’s already called in a second date with a lovely lady who’s stirred some feelings within him!
Shout out to J, a long time client who I recently reconnected with, he is continuing to work through his journey of his past with his family and past relationships. He’s recently opened up new perspectives after feeling very stuck for the last couple of years.
Shout out to another J, a new client who after one session she’s put into practice her insights from our session and made 3 new groups of friends and did a huge social media clean up, the final step of letting go of her recent break up and channeling all of that time and energy to herself and her growth. All amazing wins I am so happy to share!
If you are thinking about working with me, I’d love to chat and be shouting out your inevitable wins on the podcast sometime soon too! Details in show notes as usual or you can connect with me on my website phidang.com or instagram @thephidang.
On worry in relation to your family and self
Today’s episode is titled “How to be a warrior, not a worrier”. I saw this quote online and it really resonated with me. It’s a gem of a quote and shifts your mindset to one of power and confidence – that is something that I am all about.
My parents, particularly my mum, used to worry about me and I feel this was exacerbated by the fact that I am an only child.They would worry about life in general – what’s going on in the world, reading newspapers daily and watching the news every night including all weather updates, having enough money to pay bills, being safe from danger (stay away from this, don’t do that) and so forth. The constant worrying was most certainly passed down to myself as a personality trait.
I still do worry from time to time but to be honest I don’t really any more as I have full faith and confidence in myself and my capabilities. However rewind time to even 3 or 4 years ago, when I was younger I used to worry a lot.
Will he like me? Will I be alone forever? Will anyone want to date me?
Will I pass this test? Will I get this job? Will I be stuck in this job forever?
Is my outfit okay? Will people notice this on my face?
Am I really sick? Will I die? Do I have cancer? Is what I have something that has no cure?
If I spend this money, will I get my money’s worth? What if I wasted my money?
And the list goes on… in fact sometimes I would end up in worry loops about worry!
Am I worrying too much? Worrying doesn’t help and I logically know that so why am I worrying? Is something wrong with me? And then it loops round and round.
Are you nodding your head along? Your parents worried a lot? You worry a lot? There’s an actual reason as to why this is. Humans are wired to worry. Worrying is a part of human biology and human evolution.
The biological and evolutionary reason why you worry and why humans worry
Worrying itself is not a problem, in fact worrying serves a purpose: to keep you safe and process potential threats. Worrying is a problem when it interferes with your life, is acutely intense and lasts longer than it usually does for you.
The theories of immediate-return environment and the delayed return environment are used to explain why humans worry.
Immediate-return environment
Humans used to live in an immediate-return environment, 500 years ago – In reference to time and history, 500 years is relatively recent.
Our worries were immediate in nature as cavemen lived a hunter-gatherer lifestyle. Worrying was very useful in the moment as it helped us take action in the moment rather than later for survival.
Your stomach grumbles > you feel worried about food > you find food > your worry is relieved.
Your mouth feels parched and dry > you haven’t drunk enough water today > you feel worried and dehydrated > you find water > your worry is relieved
You hear a storm brewing > you worry about getting wet and being cold > you find shelter > your worry is relieved.
You feel cold > you worry about dying > you light a fire > your worry is relieved.
All of the actions you take deliver immediate results, gratification and therefore you lived in the present moment.
In fact animals still live in an immediate-return environment. As Duke University professor Mark Leary put it, “A deer may be startled by a loud noise and take off through the forest, but as soon as the threat is gone, the deer immediately calms down and starts grazing. And it doesn’t appear to be tied in knots the way that many people are.”
Delayed return environment
Nowadays we live in a delayed return environment where our decisions don’t immediately benefit us in in the moment.
Some examples for you.
When you work, you get paid either fortnightly or monthly. When you work hard, you don’t get promoted immediately, you do after hitting your key performance indicators over time.
If you save money now, you’ll have enough for when you retire later in life.
When you start exercising and eating healthier foods, you’ll see results over time, you don’t lose weight or get fit immediately.
The nature of a delayed return environment results in uncertainty as a great source of worry. There are no guarantees to most things we do and in fact most of the choices we make today won’t immediately benefit us.
Going to school and university doesn’t guarantee you’ll get a job.
Going on a date doesn’t mean you will meet the one, your soul mate.
Investing in stocks, doesn’t guarantee you’ll make returns.
Put simply, our brain is not designed to solve the problems of a delayed return environment. Our environment and way of living has changed rapidly, but our brains have not. Our brain hasn’t evolved to live in a delayed return environment.
Now you know the biological and evolutionary reason as to why we worry, let’s talk about being a warrior not a worrier.
What is the Warrior mindset?
Before I share how you can be a warrior, not a warrior, let me set up the stage, what is the warrior persona?
A warrior triumphs whereas a worrier cowers. A warrior has the rock solid, unshakable belief in them-self. They know how to handle anything that comes their way. A warrior is brave, they are not afraid of the unknown and even if they are, they put themselves out there. They confront and face their fears. They are not scared of challenges because they know they will rise to the challenge. In fact, warriors embrace all opportunities to grow because they know they have so much to gain. Warriors win massive wars, by focusing on winning one small battle at a time.
Now we’ve established the warrior persona, I’m going to share 5 ways how you can be a warrior not a worrier.
5 ways on how to be a Warrior not a Worrier
1. Recognise that behind every emotion including worry, lies a thought.
Your emotions are a result of your thoughts. Therefore if you want to change your emotions, you have to change your thoughts.
Bring awareness to your thoughts. Consciously choose to accept and run with a thought or reject and deny a thought.
Slice through unhelpful thoughts like a warrior with your sword of evidence.
Our thoughts are often stories or assumptions we create so question the thought – is there factual evidence to support this thought or am I making something up?
2. Focus on what you can control and accept what you cannot change.
I have two great exercises to share with you to help. The first is the dichotomy of control circles.
On a piece of paper you draw two circles. The first being what you can control and the second being what you can’t control. No point worrying about what you can’t control because nothing you do will influence it. A super simple exercise.
The second exercise I have for you to be a warrior and not a worrier is the circles of control. On a piece of paper draw a giant circle, a circle within that and a small circle within that. All in all it looks like a bullseye.
The centre is what you can control – the circle of control. This is all within you that you can directly control such as your thoughts, your behaviour, your attitude, your effort, your energy, your actions and so forth.
The circle outside the centre circle is the circle of influence, what you can influence such as your network and relationships. Emphasis on influence – you can’t make or force it. For example you can talk to the people you know and try convince someone, if you’re looking at a promotion you can influence this by building strong relationships with colleagues, putting yourself out there for more projects to take on and so forth.
The largest is everything else outside of your control and influence. For example things like a global pandemic like coronavirus, the weather, strangers you don’t know, traffic, the economy, policies, the media and so forth.
Onto the third way to be a warrior and not worrier.
3. Be strategic, have a game plan and take action.
Always be prepared. Identify what worries you and create a solution to the worry. It’s not enough to just create the game plan, you also have to take action.
For example, if you are worried about getting a job, create an actionable plan on how to get a job. Chunk it down so it’s not overwhelming. For example if you want to get a job you need to apply for jobs. In order to apply for jobs you need a cover letter and resume. Start there! When you break it down it’s not so intimidating.
Another example is if you are worried you won’t have a partner, create an actionable plan on how to get a partner. In order to have a partner, you need to go on dates. In order to go on dates, you need to meet people. People are candidates for partners. How do you meet people? You can do that by going outside your house or within your home through applications and websites.
A game plan also involves having coping strategies for worry such as setting aside time to worry such as 10 minutes then moving on as an example and a support network you can turn to when it becomes all overwhelming.
If you need help creating a personalised game plan, strategies to cope and support, let’s chat. I work with clients to create a specific, actionable plan with clear steps that can be measured in order to achieve their goals.
Whether that’s getting a promotion, changing jobs, finding a partner, becoming an entrepreneur to make money online – anything is possible. A life coach is all about life! Just to add, not many people know that as part of my coaching, you’ll have access to me Monday to Friday so I can answer any questions or concerns that pop up along your journey to hitting your goals and up levelling your self!
4. Believe in yourself
You are an amazing person. You’ve gone through so many hard things, times you didn’t think you would make it yet here you are.
This wasn’t by accident or change, this is because of you. You are strong, you are smart, you are capable and you are resilient. You know how to overcome obstacles and challenges.
In fact when a worry comes up, repeat this mantra: I am a warrior, not a warrior.
5. Work on your strength
I mean strength physically and in your mind.
It’s well known that exercise can alleviate anxiety. Exercises alleviates stress, provides a beneficial distraction and boosts your feel good endorphins. The high from accomplishing exercise will fuel you to conquer not only workout but whatever else is on your mind too. Physically you’ll even start to take the form of a warrior by getting super fit.
Mentally, to work on your strength is to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Do something small everyday that makes you feel uncomfortable to work on your mental strength such as running for an extra 5 minutes to keep your heart-rate going or try a cold shower!
The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 10: How to be a Warrior not a Worrier - Close
To wrap it all up there are 5 ways to be a warrior not a worrier.
1. Recognise that behind every emotion including worry, lies a thought.
2. Focus on what you can control and accept what you cannot change.
3. Be strategic, have a game plan and take action.
4. Believe in yourself
5. Work on your strength
Be a warrior not a worrier! Every warrior has their teacher, so if you’re looking for your teacher, it would be an honour to be your teacher.
Thank you so much for joining me today beautiful souls. If you’ve enjoyed listening along, I would appreciate you sharing this with your friends or leaving a review, it would really help me to spread the word on personal development.
I’ll catch you next Tuesday with a new episode of the Grow Through It Podcast.
Love and Positivity.
[Episode 10 – How to Be a Warrior not a Worrier Ends]
Are you wanting to find out more about 1:1 Coaching or working with me? Maybe perhaps you want to know more about me. I’d love to connect with you. You can visit my website phidang.com or connect with me on Instagram @thephidang. Speak to you soon.
