Love Island Take | We Need to Stop Judging Relationships by Age

Watching the conversation around Jasmine and Kavan on Love Island reminded me of something I see all the time in my coaching work.

People become fixated on the age gap instead of asking the questions that actually determine whether a relationship is healthy.

We’ve been taught to fear age gaps more than we fear unhealthy relationships. The number attached to someone’s age often becomes the headline, while the qualities that sustain love are overlooked.

Maturity Isn’t Measured in Years

When Maya Jama responded to Jasmine by saying, “Maybe it depends on maturity,” I thought she captured something important.

Maturity isn’t about how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.

It’s about:

• How you communicate when you’re upset.
• How you navigate conflict.
• Whether you take accountability.
• Whether your partner feels emotionally safe with you.
• Whether you’re willing to grow.

I’ve met people in their twenties with remarkable emotional intelligence.

I’ve also met people decades older who still avoid difficult conversations, struggle with accountability or repeat the same relationship patterns.

Age can bring experience.

It doesn’t automatically bring growth.

We Often Confuse Time with Transformation

One of the biggest misconceptions I see as a life coach is the belief that getting older naturally makes someone wiser.

Time passing does not guarantee healing.

Experience does not automatically create self-awareness.

Growth comes from doing the inner work, taking responsibility for your patterns and developing the emotional capacity to love another person well.

Without that work, people simply carry the same wounds into older bodies.

What We Actually Mean When We Talk About “Aura”

Jasmine described Kavan as having “a lot of aura.”

I don’t think people are actually attracted to age.

I think they’re attracted to emotional presence.

Someone who knows who they are.

Someone who isn’t performing.

Someone whose confidence feels grounded rather than loud.

Those qualities can exist at 24, 34 or 54.

The Better Question to Ask

Instead of asking:

“Are they too young?”

Perhaps the better question is:

“Can they meet each other where they are?”

Compatibility isn’t built on birthdays.

It’s built on shared values, emotional maturity, communication, accountability and a willingness to grow together.

Those qualities will always predict relationship success more than an age gap alone.

The healthiest relationships aren’t built between two people who are exactly the same age.

They’re built between two people who continue choosing growth, honesty and each other.