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Episode Summary of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 14: How To Make Self Love A Priority
This is this second part of four of the brand new L💘VE SERIES. This episode is all about practical tips on how to make self love a priority in your life all day, every day. Everything from priorities to boundaries, you don’t want to miss this episode.
What you'll learn from this episode
- Why self love is hard
- How to make self love a priority in your life
- Phi’s personal blocks to self love that involve a past relationship
- Making time for yourself is important
- What happens you don’t love yourself
- Boundaries
- Listening to your intuition
- Honesty & Authenticity
Key Quotes from this Episode
If you don’t make yourself your own priority who will? It’s not your family, friends or partners job. They don’t live just for you.
Boundaries are an act of self love and function of self respect.
The most successful people in the world have a team of helpers.
Featured Resources on the episode
The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 14: How To Make Self Love A Priority
You are listening to Episode 14 of the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang: The Mindset of Love
[Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:
Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.
Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.
My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”
My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.
Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.
This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.
Ready to grow? Let’s grow!
[Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]
[Episode 14 – How To Make Self Love A Priority Begins]
Hi Beautiful Soul!
Welcome to the second podcast of the L💘VE SERIES.
It’s almost Valentine’s Day and love is in the air. I actually attended my cousin’s wedding over the weekend, it was so much fun and moved me to tears to see the love between A&C. Congratulations fam!
Love is in the air for my clients
Love is also in the air for my clients! I recently spoke to one of my old clients, who I worked with to help him move forward from past relationships including a divorce holding him back. We worked on his self love and particularly his boundaries which led to him getting back on the dating scene sooner rather than later. He was ready, he was just scared – as we all would be.
He is now in the early stages of dating someone who isn’t his usual type which I love because I recall us working together on love manifestation and scripting – to see it come to life is so wonderful.
Another beautiful soul who just invested in herself through 1:1 coaching has attracted a beautiful man in her life who shares her values of spirituality – it’s early days but the energy is so good and seeing her smile makes me so happy!
It’s so funny how the universe works, it can see you working on yourself, investing in yourself and you just become a magnet for abundance and everything you want. It’s not surprise as you are vibrating on higher frequency. I LOVE IT! These are a few of the love stories unfolding and for my other clients it’s all about self love! This ties in nicely.
With the Love Series, we kicked it off last week with your love mindset and now we are talking about self love.
You don't learn about self love when you are younger
From a young age we are taught to give and extend love toward others.
Be kind to your siblings and friends, share your toys and treats but we are never really taught to do the same thing for ourselves.
This episode is all about how to make self love a priority, how to make self love your priority.
Identify your blocks to self love
So many of us go around listening to the self talk in our heads without ever questioning it. We run with it as if it is the truth. Your thoughts are not facts. To prioritise self love is to figure out what is blocking you from loving yourself.
This is something I do regularly with my clients, as a life coach having an objective party to listen and support you is something so important.
Regular block to self love that I see are taking on other people’s labels of you e.g. you are selfish or you are ugly, the past – basing your lovability on how someone has treated you whether that’s your family or past relationships and our up bringing – A time that usually stands out for most people is during high school being surrounded by other kids and the way they treat us.
Phi's personal example of a block to self love
I’ll share my personal example with love. Growing up as an only child, I really craved a lot of love and attention. As mentioned the beginning of the podcast not many of us are taught we need to give it to ourselves and it makes sense at a young age it’s hard to grasp and comprehend this concept. So to that I always looked for love outside of myself and I felt that I had to perform to get this love.
I had to look nice to get compliments or do really well in my studies to get praise. It wasn’t until my first relationship a high school sweetheart that I realised the way I was through his feedback. He used to tell me I was so selfish and I carried that baggage for a long time. I took it as a fact and went onto date people where my boundaries would slip and slide – I was too scared to have my own wants and needs because I was ‘selfish’.
Now I know that it wasn’t on me to meet his needs and wants because the only person who is responsible for that is you. He expected me to make him happy, to cheer him up when he was sad and to always think of him before me.
If anyone says that its your responsibility to make them happy, to help them get out of debt, to boost their career whatever the answer is no. It’s on us as self reliant adults to do the work! I came to this place after doing my own personal development and working with mentors such as a life coach. So this leads me into my first point on how to make self love your priority…
Personal Development always
Most of us may finish school or university and then we stop working on ourselves. Always strive to keep learning and growing as what this podcast is all about ‘don’t just go through life, grow through it’. It usually takes a huge life event for us to pause and reflect. A death. A break up. A break down. Imagine we took the time to check in with ourselves daily. We would know ourselves much better.
There are so many ways to work on your self growth and development.
The fact that you are listening to this podcast is one so kudos to you – well done beautiful soul!
Podcasts are a great way to soak in knowledge and can easily be done on the go.
Reflecting is also key and I love doing that through daily journaling.
There's only so much free stuff you can consume...
As I’ve said before there is a limit to the free stuff you consume whether it’s podcasts, Instagram posts, YouTube videos and books. If you’re serious about working on yourself and investing in yourself DM me on Instagram as I would love to chat about 1:1 coaching.
Some of my clients literally come to me saying I’ve watched all the videos and I still feel stuck and the same, the reason is because it’s generalised advice. I offer general tips and strategies here through my podcast and on Instagram but it’s through my 1:1 coaching I get to you know you personally and your life experiences so that I can help you get out of your own way, to identify your limiting self believes and crush them so you can become clear and confident so that no matter what happens in your life, you know you will be able to handle it! 2021 is the year to make it happen, so stop waiting and listen to the pull you feel inside – you won’t regret it.
You O' Clock
I coined this term because it’s something I believe in passionately. We live such crazy lives, we have so much going on. Your morning sets your tone. Most of us before we even roll out of bed, reach for our phones and scroll. Perhaps scrolling through your work emails to make sure you didn’t miss anything or getting your fix of social media. Maybe you have to do something for your kids or partner.
The best thing to do to start your day is have ‘you o clock’ whether it’s 5 minutes or an hour to yourself. You make time for yourself before anyone else. That way you won’t be resentful to anything else because you own yourself and you start the day for yourself. Some days for me this looks like waking up early, watching the sun rise and going for a swim. Other days it’s simply getting up and spending 2 minutes gently stretching.
Be Your Own Priority - Have 'Me' Time
Now time for yourself is not just for the start of the day. It’s an everyday thing and not just one moment. If you don’t make yourself your own priority who will? It’s not your family, friends or partners job. They don’t live just for you.
When we don’t make time for ourselves we become sloppy and feel sorry for ourselves.
We burn out from the stress of our lives. We eat too much. We drink too much. We don’t exercise. We don’t work on ourselves at all mentally, physically or emotionally.
To make self love a priority in your life is to make time for yourself.
Your ‘me’ time is just like any other important meeting whether it’s a doctor’s appointment or a dinner date. It’s solid time blocked off just for you and to ensure your mind rewires to understand how important your me time is – block out time in your calendar, make it in your calendar with a reminder and make sure you see it on the to do list.
I love to make ‘me’ time super indulgent in the sense I don’t think about anyone else and I can go into my own world. Some nights maybe I’ll have a block of chocolate and really savour the flavour and other times I treat myself to Uber Eats and a wine. I love to have ‘me’ time after working so I can have some downtime and feel good to prevent burn out which as happened to me a few times before.
Shed the guilt!
I will say it again! There is nothing wrong with loving yourself and putting yourself first. Don’t forget that putting yourself first isn’t selfish, it is necessary.
Don’t feel guilty. Life can be a rollercoaster of emotions and the last thing you need is to make yourself feel worse by guilting yourself. It isn’t necessary! Why do we take better care of others but not ourselves?
Put on your own life vest and air supply before you help the people around you. Your health and wellbeing doesn’t come at the expense of others. You aren’t required to help others at the expense of yourself.
Guilt free living is truly being comfortable with yourself and living in acceptance. Acceptance of who you are and where you are in life. You can only control certain things, you can’t control everything. It is to be at peace with your decisions and being in the present moment. Anything that costs your inner peace including guilt is too expensive.
Ensure you have solid boundaries
Boundaries are an act of self love and function of self respect. Boundaries exist to respect yourself, they aren’t there to hurt or offend other people. If something doesn’t feel right, our to alignment or wrong it’s an alert and warning to your boundaries. Pay attention to your boundaries, don’t override them and dismiss them. Boundaries are trusting your gut and soul over your fears and triggers.
Boundaries are where we draw the line when it comes to acceptable and unacceptable behaviour in regards to how people behave around you and treat you.
Having boundaries are non negotiable, you enforce boundaries consistently to show what you will and will not put up with. Even if this means losing someone in your life no matter how much your heart and libidio want otherwise.
Figure out your boundaries and put those babies up!
Struggling with boundaries?
Without boundaries you will likely have a low self esteem, feel drained, feel heartbroken and disappointed with yourself.
If you’re having trouble don’t be too hard on yourself, we aren’t born with boundaries, we learn to develop them initially through the caregivers in our lives like our parents and as adults we learn to fully develop our own boundaries and set them.
If you’re struggling I feel you, I used to as well as my clients. I would love to help you, send me a DM on Instagram and let’s chat about working out what your boundaries are, the problems popping up and chat about 1:1 coaching.
Listen to your intuition
As a life coach I am the first to be like watch your thoughts and do the thought work.
However it is also so important to tune in with your heart, your soul, your body.
Often that inner voice of yours will reside in your heart or in your stomach.
It’s been something I have been working on with clients to strengthen that inner voice who will always have your best interests at heart. The inner voice as been a part of sessions to help a client with business decisions, relationships and when a client feels lost and unsure which direction to go in.
We are guilty of ignoring gut feelings (which are guardian angels of your intuition, your inner voice) or we push the limits when we are exhausted leading to a lack of sleep, headaches or maybe overdoing it at the gym. This is very much tied into my previous point on ensuring you have boundaries.
We live in a society that values the head but has forgotten about the heart, I think it is a balance of both. If you stop listening to your intuition it’s strength fades, although never disappears. It’s such an important muscle to build and tune into it for it is your biggest ally.
Ask for help when you need it
You are not weak for needing help, in fact you are so strong for doing so.
The most successful people in the world have a team of helpers.
I think about celebrities. It takes a team of people to help them to where they are and to look so flawless all the time.
Someone to help do their makeup.
Someone to help book their jobs.
Someone to help raise their children.
Someone to do their hair.
Someone to do their makeup.
It goes on and applies in the business world.
Someone to do their expenses.
Someone to book their appointments.
Someone to reply to emails.
Someone to research potential clients.
Someone to sell.
Success happens with help. Even the most successful people turn to life coaches, psychologists and mentors. Who is in your team of help?
Be honest with yourself
Acknowledge when you are at your limits.
Acknowledge when you are struggling with something.
Acknowledge when you are hiding behind the same stories and limiting beliefs.
Sometimes we get so used to labelling ourselves a certain way we fail to realise the label we attach to ourselves is not even true.
Honesty goes a long way with the self especially self trust.
At times we are dishonest to protect ourselves but in the end it will suppress and stifle who you truly are at the cost of self denial which leads to shame, a toxic place.
When we truly deeply and unconditionally love ourselves we are living with true authenticity. We are free from deceit and secrecy. We live with soul, with compassion, we are whole.
Start with being honest to yourself in your head and heart. Seek to do shadow work which can be confronting. Seek to work on your wounds and trauma. Be kind and gentle with yourself.
The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 14: How To Make Self Love A Priority Close
Those are some of my tips on how to make self love a priority for yourself. As I’ve said throughout this episode self love doesn’t come naturally. If you are looking to learn how to love yourself truly, not just say it or assume that a self care sunday makes you love yourself then please get in touch and let’s chat. I would love to help you.
I will chat to you again next Tuesday beautiful, for the third part of the love series focusing on the energetics of love and self love. Love and positivity.
I’ve helped clients heal from heartbreak, move on from ex’s, during the dating progress providing support along the way (if you didn’t know, my 1:1 clients also get text support from me between sessions which is so valuable being able to ask me anything from how do I reply to this text message or how do I work on my feelings of jealousy and insecurity).
I’ve even had clients call in love through new relationships. So if you’re hearing the call for coaching, please get in touch and let’s make 2021 your biggest year yet for love.
Next week’s episode will be about self love and I’m really excited to speak to that!
Speak to you next Tuesday beautiful soul. Love and Positivity.
[Episode 14 – How To Make Self Love A Priority Outro]
Are you wanting to find out more about 1:1 Coaching or working with me? Maybe perhaps you want to know more about me. I’d love to connect with you. You can visit my website phidang.com or connect with me on Instagram @thephidang. Speak to you soon.
