Relationships

  • 17: The #1 Barrier To Love

    Episode Summary of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 17: The #1 Barrier To Love

    This episode pulls together all the learnings of the L💘VE SERIES from mindset, self love, energy and purpose. Find out what is the #1 barrier to love. What is blocking you from love and why it is blocking you from love.

     

    What you'll learn from this episode

    • The #1 barrier to love in your life
    • The three things that block love from your life

    Key Quotes from this Episode

    Your job isn’t to find or look for love. It’s for you to figure out how you can be more open to love. To let more love in. How are you creating blockages when it comes to love?

    The ego, the mind - we attach ourselves to the concept of love and by doing so, it no longer is love.

    If it’s meant to be it will be, even if it’s in a year, ten years, twenty years.

    Featured Resources on the episode

    The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 17: The #1 Barrier To Love

    You are listening to Episode 17 of the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang: The #1 Barrier To Love

    [Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:

    Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.

    Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.

    My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”

    My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.

    Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.

    This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.

    Ready to grow? Let’s grow!

    [Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]

    [Episode 17 – The #1 Barrier to Love Begins]

    Relationships as Mirrors Introduction

    Hello beautiful soul and hello March! 

    Say whaaat yes, two months down of the year and it’s already March. I have a cheeky confession, the love series was meant to the for month of February but I haven’t said all I needed to say on it. 

    Oops and In fact can I ever? There is always so much to talk about when it comes to love. Especially for me – It’s been such a big theme of my life I swear I could talk endless hours on it. So many stories. So many experiences. So many insights from working with clients.

    That being said for now I do see this as the last week I concentrate on love so see this podcast as bringing everything together from the love series that we have covered mindset, self love, energy and purpose. 

    The series is still going on Instagram until the end of the week through posts, lives and reels. I popped up randomly to do a live on Instagram today about the purpose of love and I’ll probably circle back and talk about love mindset, self love and love energetics as well to close the loop.

    My world - Intuitive card pulls

    So what’s going on in my world and my clients? If you follow me on Instagram you may have seen I started doing intuitive card pulls for the community which have been really amazing. They have been very successful with people saying eerily accurate, overwhelmingly spot on and just how deeply the card pulled resonates with them. It might turn into a thing it might not but it’s been really fun to tap into my intuition and be a channel for spirit.

    Client Wins in Relationships, Dating and Love

     

    Shall we talk about love and clients?

    I had a beautiful client who ended up in the arms of an ex and has had a massive breakthrough realising it was her old programming and past coming through with a new love potential already! 

    I’ve had another client work through her own pain and triggers coming up in her relationship which has been a huge portal to self discovery. Another break up with her boyfriend which was scary and uncomfortable but realising everything on her path in life is happening for a reason, for her growth and expansion. 

    For another client he’s realising he can love how he wants to, you don’t have to follow what society puts out there and tradition. You don’t have to get married. You don’t even have to be monogamous. You don’t even have to use labels. It’s all up to you – really, it is.

    If you’re feeling pulled and called to work on the love in your life whether that’s your mindset around love, self love, the energy of love and what you’re attracting into your life or the purpose of love, get in touch, let’s chat as I would love to help you.

    What is the #1 barrier to love?

    Now let’s get into today’s episode The #1 Barrier To Love. Boom, yep it’s a big title but truly it’s the biggest barrier I’ve seen working with multiple clients, males and females, all ages and all over the world.

    It may or may not surprises you. The biggest barrier to love is you.

    Yes you.

    We are our own worst enemy because we block love.

    So how do you block love?

    1. Constraints to love

    Love is this beautiful, abundant, expansive energy.

    It’s always available yet our minds, the ego says otherwise. There’s not enough love to go around. The old scarcity story coming up.

    Love isn’t only in a romantic sense, someone to complete me and make me feel whole. Nope, love isn’t just a relationship in a romantic sense. Love is always around, in yourself – self love, in your friends, family, career, passion, hobbies.

    It’s your mind that creates the construct. I only want love this way. My way or it’s no way.

    Love has to happen by this date and look like this and feel like this.

    That’s you creating constraints!

    Another way you do it?

    I’m only worthy of love when I’m like this or do this or be like this or weigh like this or look like this.

    Who determines that? 

    You.

    Again you are creating constraints to love by having to be a certain way before you accept love – it’s conditional… 

    Open your heart, love is everywhere. Like I said on my Instagram post the other day, your job isn’t to find or look for love. It’s for you to figure out how you can be more open to love. To let more love in. How are you creating blockages when it comes to love?

    2. Attachment to love

    The ego, the mind – we attach ourselves to the concept of love and by doing so, it no longer is love.

    Love is like the Corinthians bible verse.

    Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

     

    Love is free. Love is non attachment.

    Yet we constrain it like I said earlier or we become attached.

    We want to control.

    Love isn’t controlled.

    Love is free.

    I love the following quotes as I feel they truly embody love.

     

    Quotes that embody love

    If you love something set it free. If it comes back it's yours. If not, it was never meant to be.

    Mmmm this one hits home. That’s why I always trust in myself and what is meant to be when it comes to love. The one who seemed to get away. The one you couldn’t get your mind off. The one who crushed your damn heart. The one who couldn’t commit.

    It. doesn’t. matter.

    If it’s meant to be it will be, even if it’s in a year, ten years, twenty years.

    I have so much unshakeable faith and trust in this and I have so much inner peace in my being knowing this.

    This Osho quote has always stuck by me:

    If you love a flower, don't pick it up. Because if you pick it up it does and it ceases to be what you love. So if you love a flower, let it be. Love is not about possession. Love is about appreciation.

    Oh yes! How we want someone to change for us or we try to change for someone else.

    Love is right now, as is. No need for change.

    What really opened my eyes on this is well hey, I love someone and they aren’t perfect in fact for from it so that would of course apply to me. Someone is going to love me exactly as I am right now, flaws, beauty and all.

    3. Closing our eyes to ourselves

    The third reason why we are our own barrier to love? It’s closing our eyes to our selves. Not getting to know ourself. Being unconscious in the sense we aren’t aware of something.

    If you are unaware you aren’t in the wrong because you don’t know about it and that’s okay. We can’t judge others because we always have something to learn, to grow, to expand ourselves. 

    This unwillingness to see manifests when you jump from relationship to relationship or numb yourself to the pain and learnings of a past relationship through meaningless empty hook ups or getting so drunk you can’t remember anything and waking up dazed and confused. Maybe its by throwing yourself into your job, extra projects and hours or constantly going to the gym and being meticulous with what you eat.

    It’s all a distraction. It’s all a buffering from feeling what we need to feel.

    The so called negative emotions awaken us. Pain. Suffering. Negativity. Heartbreak. Disappointment. Betrayal.

    They awaken us, to find ourselves. To understand ourselves better.

    When you are aware of how you are, when you do the work, the reflecting you realise the stories you have, the beliefs, the values, perceptions, experiences how all of this makes up your programming and how your mind thinks.

    When you are aware you can’t turn back, change is inevitable. Opening up to love is inevitable otherwise you are creating your own suffering.

    So really how I am wrapping up the learnings of the love series is love is everywhere, it’s ready and open to you right now the question is, are you truly open to love? Are you getting out of your own way?

    The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 17: The #1 Barrier To Love Close

    Ahhh seriously this feels like such a soul satisfying way to end the series.

    Being conscious of your mindset, your thoughts around love.

    Being love, your true state as Eckhart Tolle says:

     

    Love is a state of being. Your love is not outside, it is deep within you. You can never lose it, and it cannot leave you.”

    The self love. Really transcending that it isn’t even self, it’s just pure love.

    The energetics of love, understanding how you are always a magnet and pulling in a vibrational match for what is going on internally.

    The purpose of love, how everyone we interact with is a mirror. That our purpose isn’t that we were born to be in a relationship, it goes on beyond that so much more. If you think that’s your purpose, here’s a truth bomb you are lacking purpose and meaning in your life.

    Here’s to love because it truly is so incredible and expansive.

    I truly hope you’ve enjoyed the love series as much as I have and based on all your lovely DMs and comments I can just feel all the love for this. So much love and appreciation for you beautiful soul. Until the next Tuesday, we’ll speak again. Love and Positivity. 

    [Episode 17 – The #1 Barrier To Love Outro]

    Are you wanting to find out more about 1:1 Coaching or working with me? Maybe perhaps you want to know more about me. I’d love to connect with you. You can visit my website phidang.com or connect with me on Instagram @thephidang. Speak to you soon.

    Click here to read more

  • 16: Relationships as Mirrors

    Episode Summary of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 16: Relationships as Mirrors

    The final episode of the L💘VE SERIES. This episode is all about the purpose of love. Why do we love? We learn how relationships are a mirror of ourselves and the seven essene mirror principles.

     

    What you'll learn from this episode

    • What is the purpose of love
    • Twin Flames as Mirrors 
    • How relationships are mirrors
    • The importance of mental mirrors and physical mirrors
    • The 7 Essene Mirror Principles

    Key Quotes from this Episode

    Healthy relationships don’t happen by chance, they happen by awakening.

    Just like how mirrors in a gym provide a reference point to yourself, relationships are a reference point to yourself internally.

    Relationships make you see things in yourself that you might not see if you are single and alone.

    Featured Resources on the episode

    The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 16: Relationships As Mirrors

    You are listening to Episode 16 of the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang: Relationships as Mirrors.

    [Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:

    Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.

    Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.

    My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”

    My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.

    Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.

    This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.

    Ready to grow? Let’s grow!

    [Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]

    [Episode 16 – Relationships as Mirrors Begins]

    Relationships as Mirrors Introduction

    Hello beautiful soul!

    What a journey it has been for the love series.

    Thank you all for your kind words on the Instagram posts, reels and podcasts so far. I appreciate it so much.

    Thank you all for reaching out to me in the DMs on Instagram, I reply to all my DMs (unless you’re cold selling to me or begging me to follow you back sorry I’m not about that!) and love speaking to each and every one of you.

    Thank you to all my clients, it’s an honour to be part of your life and journey in this very moment. Love and relationships are a key area of my coaching and I am seeing incredible transformations across the board.

    Client Wins in Relationships, Dating and Love

    One of my clients was a self professed crying, heartbroken wreck from an unexpected breakup a few months ago. Two months into our coaching, she attended a party where her ex showed up and she felt like a whole new person – calm, so deeply in love with herself and unaffected by his presence. 

    Another two of my clients have transitioned from casual relationships to committed relationships with their flings and friends with benefits through the incredible work they’ve done working on themselves particularly self love and stepping up through their communication which is amazing, I am so proud of them.

    For my other clients we are working through heartbreak whether that’s moving on from past relationships or breaking up with partners in relationships that no longer serve them. On that I wanted to share, when you do the work and start shifting stagnant energy, don’t be surprised when you find yourself attracted to new energies in your life whether that’s in love, relationships, friendships or your career! I see it happen all the time with myself and my clients.

    If the love series has been really resonating and vibing with you, if my client’s successes are what you want, I invite you to DM me on Instagram – let’s chat about 1:1 coaching and working together. I offer a complementary 45 minute call no strings attached to see if we are the right match for each other, you have nothing to lose, so get it on it beautiful soul – I look forward to speaking with you. 

    The final podcast for the series, the purpose of love

    On today’s episode – I can’t believe we are on our final instalment of the series! We’ve gone from episode 13 on love mindset, to self love on episode 14, to the energetics of love on episode 15 now to ending with the thought around the purpose of love.

    Oh yes we go deep!

    Over the weekend I celebrated a beautiful friend’s birthday and I got speaking to another girl on the trip who is in a place of conflict at the moment.

    She’s not sure about the guy she’s dating. Are they meant to be or not?

    I think we have all been there and then she brings up something interesting.

    He might be her twin flame. 

    It feels like a lifetime ago when I think about twin flames.

    Twin Flames as Mirrors

    I think I met mine at the beginning of my spiritual awakening.

    For those who don’t know what a twin flame is, it’s a very intense soul connection with another to the point you are thought to be another person’s half. The idea of a twin flame is that you are part of one original soul that has been split into two bodies.

    He gave me the book, The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle and the rest is history. In fact I am re reading the book 8 years later and it truly resonates with me now more than ever. To be honest, back then I was only really starting to understand spirituality whereas now I practice it. 

    I fell so deeply and passionately for him but it wasn’t meant to be.

    He was definitely emotionally unavailable and I triggered him big time – especially going through my dad being very ill and passing away. 

    In fact it was very short lived but it served a huge purpose.

    I am so thankful to him that I got to wake up before my dad passed and to share with him I finally understood all the consciousness principles he would speak about long before I even knew what it meant to be awake and conscious. 

    I’ve always been under the belief that we are not meant to be with our twin flames in a lifetime, rather they are a mirror to yourself. A catalyst for your soul growth.

    I believe relationships are some of our biggest spiritual assignment. Healthy relationships don’t happen by chance, they happen by awakening.

    Relationships are reference points

    Relationships make you see things in yourself that you might not see if you are single and alone. You have no reference point. Others can give us a reference point in fact from the beginning of our lives our parents do.

    “You’re such a good girl or boy”

    “You are growing so quickly”

    “It was only yesterday you were a baby!”

    This brings us to today’s episode which is all about relationships as mirrors.

    The purpose of mirrors

    When you go to the gym, there are so many mirrors around. So why all the mirrors?

    Well, for one you can see your form, your technique, if you are doing something properly.

    Two, it’s an ego boost right? Right in front of you, you can see how your body is shaping, yes looking good girl and what your body looks like when you’re working out.

    Just like how mirrors in a gym provide a reference point to yourself, relationships are a reference point to yourself internally. 

    Every relationship we have is a mirror whether it’s romantic or not, whether you are single or not.

    This means your friend, your sibling, your family, your partner, your colleague and so forth. 

    What do you mean a mirror?

    What do I mean by a mirror?

    Well, every quality you see in another whether you like it or not, is a reflection of yourself. Attitudes, behaviours, beliefs, values, programming. In order to recognise a certain quality, you must be able to see it within yourself. What the mirror reflects, you may be aware or unaware of within yourself.

    Once you do the work and you’re aware, you can’t just stop there. It’s one thing to be aware and it’s another thing to do the damn work! If you don’t like what you see in the mirror, don’t get mad at the mirror, clean the mirror.

    And here’s some even deeper insight for you.

    We subconsciously seek out what we need to heal in ourselves in relationships so you can be at ease with mistakes you’ve made. It’s okay, in fact they needed to happen, to teach you, to wake you up no matter how many you make. 

    My personal example of mirroring in relationships

    After all I needed to make mistakes and learn so much when I was single for 8 years!

    A personal example I share with you is that I used to date all the wrong people. In these relationships I felt lonely – I didn’t feel like my needs were being met and I felt unheard. It would be so difficult for them to make time for me or consider me a priority in their life. I felt unworthy when they would not commit to a relationship with me or introduce me to their friends. 

    This pattern would play out for many years, I suspected it had something to do with me but I didn’t do the work. I just scratched upon the surface.

    After doing the work and having a coach, I realised that this all reflected my relationship with myself. 

    I didn’t meet my own needs – I never vocalised what I wanted and I wanted someone else to meet my needs for me. Make me feel loved, special and worthy. I didn’t make myself a priority, I would value their time and bend over backwards to make their schedule work with mine. 

    Oh they can’t meet up that day but can do this day? Ahh! I was meant to meet up with this friend, but if I do, I won’t be able to see them so I’d bail on my friend to see them. A big no no! 

    The commitment phobeness? I wasn’t committed to myself and my growth. I was emotionally unavailable, looking for love where deep down I knew I wouldn’t find someone to reciprocate it because if they did I wasn’t ready. They served as a distraction to needing to love myself, needing to be vulnerable with myself. 

    A two way mirror

    Not only that, mirrors aren’t confined they are two way. What you pick up in a business situation may play itself out in the context of a relationship. For example if you find it hard to ask for a pay rise at work, you may find it hard to ask someone for commitment in a relationship. 

    The Seven Essene Mirrors

    To further delve in to the work of relationships and mirrors is to see it from the seven essene mirrors. 

    The ancient Essenes who’s work are the mirrors, are an ancient Jewish group who are the authors of the Dead Sea Scrolls. The Egyptians called them healers back in the day. 

    Their ancient teachings on the following seven mirrors teach us about how our experiences and relationships reflect different aspects of our selves.

    1. The mirror of the moment

    In another, you see yourself in the present moment. What is going on in your inner world now reflects in your outer world. For example if you feel chaotic inside, your reality will be chaotic on the outside.

    2. The mirror of that which is judged

    In another, you see your own biases and judgement particularly big, energetically charged and emotional reactions.

    3. The mirror of which is lost, given away or taken away

    In another, what can you recognise that you have lost, given away or had taken from yourself? This is to do with your relationship with yourself. 

    By seeing what you lose you may be very attracted out his person because they have what you now want and used to have. 

    It will make you confront your regret perhaps around being ungrateful. It could be innocence, kindness, respect, love, compassion, honesty. All of which you think you have lost can be reclaimed.

    4. The mirror of forgotten love

    In another you see a past way of life or an unfinished relationship. This is where we see patterns repeating themselves over and over, particularly compulsive or addictive behaviours. These usually replay over and over until you learn what you need to know and see what you need to see.

    5. The mirror of mother/father

    In another, you can see the unconscious imprinting of your parents – behaviours, beliefs that aren’t yours to begin with. How are you acting in ways that your parents would have in this situation?

    6. The mirror of your quest into darkness

    In another, you can see the most feared aspects of self worth, trust, abandonment and loneliness. This mirror is all about the challenging and dark times in your life. An experience we know as the ‘dark knight of the soul’ Knowing that it is happening for a reason, for your growth. 

    To trust in yourself that you will find the way and come out stronger, wiser. I found this one harder to explain conceptually so to further share I truly experienced this when I lost my dad. I found myself in a very dark place and would pick up on the darkness in others which I saw in myself. 

    This experience deeply changed me as a person, my perception to life in the best way and has helped me help my clients as I am able to hold space for them, I don’t fear the darkness or shadow parts they see in themselves because I also can see it in myself.  

    7. The mirror of self perception

    In another, you can see how you are. Others will perceive you and treat you according to how you perceive and treat yourself.

    If you are have low self esteem and fail to see the good in yourself, you’ll find others struggling to as well.

    If you are angry, bitter and unloving towards yourself, you’ll find others treating you so.

    The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 16: Relationships As Mirrors Close

    This episode definitely calls for self reflection.

    What is the mirror of your life revealing to you – circumstances which are happening, relationships in your life.

    In the mirror of the moment, here in life it self, this ver moment – are you here now?

    If you are looking to further develop your relationship with yourself and others, get in touch with me and let’s chat about working together through 1:1 coaching. 

    Have a fantastic week ahead beautiful soul, speak to you next Tuesday. Love and Positivity.

    [Episode 16 – Mirrors as Relationships Outro]

    Are you wanting to find out more about 1:1 Coaching or working with me? Maybe perhaps you want to know more about me. I’d love to connect with you. You can visit my website phidang.com or connect with me on Instagram @thephidang. Speak to you soon.

    Click here to read more

  • 13: The Mindset of Love

    Episode Summary of The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 13: The Mindset of Love

    This is this first part of four of the brand new L💘VE SERIES. We kickstart the series with mindset. Your love mindset. Your mindset impacts every part of your love life. In this podcast I share 7 mind blowing shifts you can to increase the love in your life.

     

    What you'll learn from this episode

    • What is the mindset of love?
    • How your mindset impacts love
    • 7 mind blowing shifts for a love mindset

    Key Quotes from this Episode

    Love exists in so many forms, people are so quick to jump to the thought of a relationship with someone outside of themselves but really love starts with you.

    Love and pain exist in the same place within your heart. So when you shut down to pain and fear, you also shut down to love.

    If you don’t understand that love is infinite you will always believe you need others to others to be the source of love.

    Featured Resources on the episode

    The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 13: The Mindset of Love

    You are listening to Episode 13 of the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang: The Mindset of Love

    [Introduction to the Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang plays – Background Music: upbeat, confident, rising beat]:

    Don’t just go through life, grow through it. Don’t just go through life, grow through it.

    Hi and Welcome to the Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang.

    My name is Phi and I am a Clarity and Confidence Life Coach known as the “The Positivity Queen.”

    My passion is to help you go from stuck and self critical to courageous and empowered so you can conquer anything.

    Join me, every Tuesday, as I discuss all things mindset, self love, energy and purpose.

    This podcast won’t just inspire and motivate you, it will also provide practical tips and strategies you can implement in your daily life.

    Ready to grow? Let’s grow!

    [Grow Through It Podcast With Phi Dang End of Intro]

    [Episode 13 – The Mindset of Love Begins]

    Hello beautiful soul and welcome to February oooh la la the month of love!

    So you know how in last week’s episode I scratched my original idea on your brain is a liar and felt called to speak about understanding your negative emotions… well it’s happened again because February is all about love. 

    For the last few weeks I’ve been in a draining and limiting energy, feeling pressured by needing to this and feeling like I should do that but this? This has shifted the energy. Love has transcended the energy. Love has triumphed. Love! I want to do this!

    It’s been a shift in gears to drop out of my head and into my body. Feel deeply into my heart through a lot of embodiment work and movement (I’m loving gentle stretches at the moment and of course cold swims – you feel so alive – cool, refreshing – seriously the colder the better). [Note: Read more about my Wim Hof cold experience where I attended the World’s First Women’s Wim Hof Retreat in the world!]

    I’m tapping into my feminine energy – the emotive, the fluid and leaning into my heart, to what feels right. Listening to my body’s signals, reconnecting with my intuition and I felt called upon to do this new Love Series which you may have seen launch yesterday on my Instagram @thephidang.

    So what is the L💘VE SERIES?

    It’s all about love.

    Love exists in so many forms, people are so quick to jump to the thought of a relationship with someone outside of themselves but really love starts with you. Loving yourself is love. Loving your pet is love. Loving your family is love. Loving your friends is love. Loving your job is love. Loving the ocean is love. Love is everywhere. Love is infinite, love is abundant. Love is your trust nature, the essence of who you are.

    Love is the most beautiful expansive energy, it’s connection, it’s wholeness, it’s light, it’s happiness.

    Love feels like floating in the sky. Love feels warm in your heart. Love transcends time and space. Love is one of the highest frequencies you can vibrate in.

    So why the L💘VE SERIES?

    Valentine’s Day is around the corner which has many of us thinking about love. Reflecting upon love whether you are single or in a relationship. 

    For 8 years of my life, I was single. I remember struggling and wishing I had someone to talk to (which I eventually did – my first life coach was a dating coach fun fact. Thank you V – you changed my life!). I remember feeling alone, even though I wasn’t. I can assure you also as a coach I have heard many client experiences and so many overlap. 

    Most of us have been there. Hating yourself and trying to convince yourself that you do love yourself. Experiencing heartbreak. Feeling numb, cold and closed off. Wanting a relationship so badly. Trying to change ourselves for someone. Feeling jealous and insecure. Unrequited love. Wanting to go back to an ex. Getting back with an ex. Being with someone who is just so wrong for you but it feels so good (sometimes!). Wanting to define the relationship. Being in a situationship. Friends with benefits but you want more, dealing with cheating … The love list goes on.

    The Love Series exists so I can share with you how to approach love through the key pillars of 1:1 coaching: mindset, self love, energy and purpose. To help you feel more love in your life by removing and melting obstacles in your way. To shed your pain and fears. That’s why the love series exists. 

    L💘VE SERIES Competition - Win a 75 minute 1:1 coaching intensive

    I’m so excited for you to join me over the next 4 weeks as I discuss all things love here on the podcast and on my Instagram @thephidang daily in the feed and stories. Announcing here first, to celebrate the launch of the L💘VE SERIES, I am giving away 3 x 75 minute 1:1 coaching intensives with me worth $320 each. Everyone who writes one I will also personally write you a love letter to thank you! It would mean so much to me and I really appreciate it.

    All you have to do is leave a review in Apple Podcasts during this month February 2021 you will go into the random draw to win. Screenshot your review and DM it to me @thephidang or send it to my email [email protected]. The competition closes 1st of March 2021 [Australian Eastern Standard Time]. Good luck beautiful souls! 

    The Love Mindset

    Be love. Do love.

    Every time you do something out of love, it raises the vibration of the entire universe. 

    Return home to love because love is the essence of your being.

    Be the person you want to be with.

    True, pure love is unencumbered from wanting something in return or having love with conditions.

    If you are familiar with the bible, a Corinthians verse encapsulates love beautifully. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 

    What a beautiful description of what love is.

    Such as a beautiful selflessness, it’s just so much love brimming and flowing from out of you.

    It’s such a natural high.

    Love is without ego. Love is just pure love, it’s always in the best interest, you know – out of love.

    Love is a journey, it won't always be smooth

    I heard this very cheesy corny line but really it’s true:

    "Love is a journey starting at forever and ending at never.”

    Really it’s true though (it is corny!)

    Whether you are single or in a relationship, love is a life long journey.

    Even in love, there is always more love to give beyond a partner.

    When single, love is the journey of self discovery and dating.

    In this journey, it is inevitable to experience heart ache but see it as this.

    See rejection and heartbreak as redirection. 

    Enjoy the journey and you’ll always be in love.

    Stop searching for love outside of yourself only

    Classic movies and fairytales have led us astray when it comes to love. It’s set up unrealistic expectations about love.

    Prince Charming will rescue you.

    When you are in love everything will be better. You will be happier.

    You need someone to complete you.

    Love happens at a young age.

    When you look for love outside of you it will always be out of control and you will always see yourself as a victim. At the mercy of outside external influences.

    Choose to see the other lessons in these tales.

    Be true to yourself (Ariel in the Little Mermaid).

    Give your relationship room to grow (Beauty and the Beast).

    Honesty is the best policy (Mulan).

    Don’t forget about your friends (Snow White).

    The past is in the past. Let it Go (Frozen).

    As you can see I am a massive fan of Disney and it’s so lovely to rewatch the movies as an adult. To see the different lessons you can notice compared to when you were a kid, you just pick up on so much more.

    You have to let love in

    When your heart is closed because you are scared, because you don’t think you are worthy, because you are protecting yourself, you are closing the door to love. 

    Love cannot enter your heart to heal, to restore, to strengthen. 

    Love and pain exist in the same place within your heart. 

    So when you shut down to pain and fear, you also shut down to love.

    Believe you are worthy of love

    Seriously because you are. 

    The biggest block I see with clients is a deep subconscious belief that for some reason they are not good enough or not worthy of love. Love is your birth right. You do not have to do anything to be loveable or worthy of love. 

    The analogy I like to use is that of babies. When babies are born, we immediately love them. 

    We don’t not love them because they can’t do anything or because they cry and can’t control when they go to the bathroom. 

    We just love them.

    They don’t need to do anything to be lovable. 

    You were a baby once, therefore you are already lovable. 

    You don’t have to be a ‘good’ girl or boy, to follow the rules. You don’t have to do a certain job, look a certain way, be a certain weight. You don’t have to be perfect.

    If you aren’t there yet, start asking yourself: 

    If I truly believed I was worthy of love, the love I want, what would I do? How would I act? Would I accept this behaviour?

    Infinite love exists

    There seems to be a limiting belief amongst many that love is limited. That it is finite. To that, I want to share with you a Chinese Proverb with you.

    “Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Love never decreases by being shared.”

    Such a beautiful analogy.

    Love is not scarce for love is abundant.

    An abundant love mindset reminds you that there is not only someone else out there but multiple people out there when you are heartbroken.

    An abundant love mindset reminds you that when it seems like everyone else is coupled up, there are so many out there for you – you just haven’t met them yet.

    An abundant love mindset reminds you not to settle and to expect the best when it comes to love.

    An abundant love mindset doesn’t care how many dates it has to go on, it knows every date is one step closer to the one.

    An abundant love mindset feels whole, full, brimming with love to share.

    If you don’t understand that love is infinite you will always believe you need others to others to be the source of love.

    You get to choose love, you don’t have to wait for it to choose you

    In each and every moment, you can choose love. 

    You can choose love after your heart breaks and you open up again. 

    You start dating again. You let down your walls. In your vulnerability, you choose love. In your hope, you choose love. In your second love, you choose love.

    You can choose love over fear. 

    You choose love when you take the leap of faith. You choose love in believing there is more than one person out there for you. That no two loves will ever be the same but there is so much abundance with love. You may not have even experienced the depths of love. That a love exists out there beyond your comprehension and dreams.

    You can choose love over hate. 

    You choose love when you decide to not seek revenge. You choose love when you forgive. You choose love when you let go. You choose love when you see the positivity.  You choose love when you speak out. 

    You choose love in the little things.

    Love is in the small things. Making dinner. Asking how their day was. Listening. Falling asleep together. Sunday morning. Forehead Kisses. Coffee and Pancakes. 

    The Grow Through It Podcast with Phi Dang, 13: The Mindset of Love Close

    Ah my heart is seriously filled with so much joy from today’s episode. If you’re feeling called to work on your love mindset, please DM me on Instagram @thephidang as I can help you and would love to. 

    I’ve helped clients heal from heartbreak, move on from ex’s, during the dating progress providing support along the way (if you didn’t know, my 1:1 clients also get text support from me between sessions which is so valuable being able to ask me anything from how do I reply to this text message or how do I work on my feelings of jealousy and insecurity). 

    I’ve even had clients call in love through new relationships. So if you’re hearing the call for coaching, please get in touch and let’s make 2021 your biggest year yet for love.

    Next week’s episode will be about self love and I’m really excited to speak to that! 

    Speak to you next Tuesday beautiful soul. Love and Positivity.

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  • You don’t need someone, you want someone

    You don’t need someone.

    You are your own person.

    You have your own thoughts and opinions.

    You have your own goals.

    You have your own life.

    Your own dreams.

    You want someone.

    Love is everywhere, it isn’t just in a partner. Love is there with your friends and with your family. Love is there when you take a fresh breath, when you feel the ocean breeze, when you watch the sunrise.

    Love is there when you watch the clouds go by, when you see the stars twinkle in the night sky, when water falls from the sky, when dew forms on a fresh blade of grass, when your heart races on an adventure into the unknown, when you take a small sip of piping hot coffee, when you soak in the sunshine.

    You don’t need someone, you want someone.

    Not just anyone.

    You want a partner to share your life with.

    Someone who recognises how special you are, how incredible you are, how beautiful you are, how strong you are, how intelligent you are and how loving you are.

    Someone who looks into your eyes and sees your magic, your heart and your soul.

    Someone who wants to grow with you, learn with you and do life with you.

    The difference between needing someone and wanting someone

    Needing someone is wanting to be in a relationship / Wanting someone is only being in a relationship if you are compatible and they are right for you.

    Needing someone is feeling as if you can’t live without them / Wanting someone is knowing you can live without them but you don’t want to.

    Needing someone means you aren’t ready for a fulfilling relationship / Wanting someone means you are ready for relationship because you choose and feel ready to do so.

    Needing someone means you need to work on loving yourself / Wanting someone is loving who you are and wanting someone who will accept you completely.

    Needing someone makes you feel desperate and clingy / Wanting someone makes you feel empowered.

    Needing someone is wanting to feeling complete / Wanting someone is someone who loves all of you (flaws and all).

    Needing someone is to say what you think they want hear / Wanting someone is speaking your truth, being a voice and not an echo.

    Needing someone is doing anything for someone / Wanting someone is letting them do some things for you.

    Needing someone makes you feel anxious / Wanting someone is knowing you are already worthy of love no matter what.

    Needing someone feels like you want to see them everyday / Wanting someone means you’d like to see them regularly and still have time for yourself

    Needing someone is giving up your power and putting someone on a pedestal / Wanting someone is finding someone who is on your level

    Needing someone feels like making excuses for poor behaviour and red flags / Wanting someone is being with someone if they treat you well and reciprocate your feelings,

    Needing someone is being completely dependent / Wanting someone is being independent and being dependent at times.

    Needing someone is being validated by them / Wanting someone is being self confident and validating yourself.

    Additional reading on you don’t need someone, you want someone

    The Difference Between Needing, Wanting And Loving SomebodyKeay Nigel, Medium

    The Difference Between Wanting Someone And Needing ThemMichaela Rollings, Thought Catalog

    Are You in Love or in Need?Uplift

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  • A guide on how to use love languages

    An introduction on how to use love languages

    With my deepest love and sincerity, it is my hope this guide will help you learn how to use love langauges.
    Love langauges will help you better understand your partner and as a result improve how you communicate. It is important to note they can also help you understand yourself.

    What are love languages?

    Whilst love is a universal language, there are various branches within the expansive force that is love. Love languages are a powerful resource to understand how your partner likes to receive love.
    They also assist in helping us to better understand ourselves and how to communicate to our partner what makes us feel appreciated. Their origins are from the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.

    Why are love languages important?

    They help us:

    + Deepen our connection with our partner

    + Understand our partner and show love in a meaningful way

    + Communicate our desires and needs within a relationship

    + To be thoughtful, attentive and mindful of our partner

    + Strengthen the bond with our partner

    + Maintain a close and intimate relationship with our partner

    What are the love languages?

    • 1. Words of affirmation
    • 2. Quality time
    • 3. Receiving gifts
    • 4. Acts of service
    • 5. Physical touch

    A quick summary of the love languages:

    • 1. Words of affirmation: These tacos taste delicious, thank you!
    • 2. Quality time: Lets go get tacos together on Friday night.
    • 3. Receiving gifts: Here, I have some tacos for you because you mentioned how much you were craving them the other night.
    • 4. Acts of service: I made you some tacos because I can see you don’t have time to make lunch.
    • 5. Physical touch: Let me wrap my arms around you like a taco.

    Love Language: Words of affirmation

    Using our words to build our partner up. It is important to be authentic and genuinely mean what we say. The intention and emotion further support what we say.

    Recognising the words of affirmation love language:

    + They smile ear to ear when praised or told compliments.

    + Love public acknowledgement.

    + Often show appreciation

    + Enjoy sentimental posts and acknowledgement on social media

    It is important to note if your partner has the love language of words of affirmation:

    + Acknowledge and validate how our partner feels.

    + Be their biggest supporter and encourage them to be their best selves in a loving and respectful manner.

    + Be mindful of what we say and how it is said (tone, use of words, timing, attitude etc.)

    Examples of what to say to show love to your partner who has the love language of affirmation of words:

    + I really appreciate having you in my life.

    + I am so lucky to have you as my partner.

    + Wow you look incredible.

    + I believe in you. You’ve accomplished so much in your life and you will continue to do so!

    + I can completely understand why you would feel that way.

    + I hear you.

    Examples of actions to show love to your partner who has the love language of affirmation of words:

    + Talk to them directly face to face.

    + Compliment them.

    + Write them a love note.

    + Surprise them with a heart felt text message.

    + Speak highly of them to family, friends, colleagues etc.

    + Use a sincere and loving tone at all times.

    + Be vocal in the bedroom.

    Avoid these actions if your partner has the words of affirmations love language:

    – Criticising your partner with strong, aggressive language e.g. expletives.

    – Failing to recognise what they do for you.

    – Insulting your partner such as name calling.

    After conflict with your partner who has the words of affirmations love language?

    + A sincere and heart felt apology face to face acknowledging and taking responsibility for your actions.

    + Reminding them why you love them so much through your words such as a handwritten letter.

    + Writing a poem on why you appreciate them.

    Love Language: Quality time

    Time is not only invaluable, it is irreplaceable. It is one of the most precious gifts we can give anyone. The love language of quality time means to give your partner your full, undivided attention, to prioritise them and to share rich experiences together.

    Recognising the love language of quality time:

    + They use a diary, planner or calendar to organise their schedule and week.

    + They aren’t easily distracted.

    + They make time for loved ones such as travelling far distances to visit, rearrange their schedule, plan in advance etc.

    + Feel enriched and nourished by experiences.

    Actions your partner will love if they have the love language of quality time:

    + Plan a day trip or weekend away

    + Go for a holiday together

    + Cook dinner together

    + Go for a walk together

    + Take a moment to ask how their day was to spark a meaningful conversation

    + Give them your full presence by putting your phone away, turning off the TV etc.

    Avoid these actions if your partner enjoys quality time:

    – Distractions such as constantly using your phone

    – Failing to prioritise and make time for them

    – Going a long time without seeing them

    – Not making eye contact

    – Failing to actively listen

    – Ignoring your partner, stonewalling, the silent treatment.

    After conflict with your partner who values quality time?

    + Plan a date night

    + Engage in quality conversation

    + Be deliberate with your time

    Love Language: Receiving gifts

    Expressing your love with a thought out item which symbolises love and appreciation. It is not to be confused with materialism, the price of the item is not the value of the gift. It is about the sentiment of the gift. A token of affection. It is about putting yourself in their shoes to show them how attentive you are. It truly is the thought that counts.

    Recognising the love language of receiving gifts:

    + They give sentimental gifts e.g. custom items, handmade items, antique items.

    + Spoil people with gifts.

    + Bring back souvenirs from holidays.

    + Enjoy shopping.

    + Always have wrapping paper, ribbon, gift bags, gift tags and cards on hand.

    How to make your partner feel loved if they value receiving gifts:

    + Take notice of what makes them smile and sparks joy. What do they mention in passing?

    + Personalising gifts

    + Surprise gifts such as flowers

    + A homemade card or scrapbook

    + An item that can be worn everyday as a daily reminder of love such as jewellery
    Avoid:

    – Forgetting a special occasions such as your anniversary, birthdays and Valentine’s Day

    – Awkward timings of gifts e.g. a grand gesture early on in the relationship

    After conflict with someone who values gift receiving?

    + A token of love. Even better it could be something sentimental and dear to them.

    Acts of service

    Actions speak louder than words. Help alleviate stress and spark joy in their lives, by sharing the responsibilities of life with your partner.

    Your partner has the love language of acts of service if they have:

    + They have discussed or set up a plan to share chores.

    + They always thank you after you have helped around the house and tell you how much they appreciate it.

    + The undertake household tasks without you asking.

    + Spend lots of time undertaking tasks.

    + Speak about how much they have to do.

    How to make your partner feel loved if they have the love language of acts of service:

    + Proactively notice tasks that need to be done.

    + Household chores such as taking out the rubbish, tidying any mess, vacuuming and mopping the floors, cleaning the bathroom, ironing, folding the laundry etc.

    + Making dinner when they’re home late because of work.

    + Making a coffee in the morning when they are rushing to work.

    Avoid these actions if their love language is acts of service:

    – Failing to follow through with what you promise to do.

    – Being ambivalent.

    – Not being there for your partner to support.

    – Being lazy.

    – Creating more work for your partner e.g. spilling something and not cleaning it up, leaving dishes at the sink etc.

    After conflict with someone who has the love language of acts of service?

    – Taking action to change behaviours based on their feedback.

    Physical touch

    How to recognise if your partner has the love language of physical touch:

    + They enjoy PDA; public displays of affection such as holding hands and kissing in public.

    + Enjoy massages.

    + Smile ear to ear when you kiss or hug them.

    + Give firm, lingering hugs.

    + Always greet you with a kiss.

    + Enjoy cuddling and spooning.

    + Frequently lovingly touch you e.g. light touches on your leg, running their hands on your back or through your hair

    How to make your partner feel loved if their love language is physical touch:

    + Holding hands.

    + Kissing.

    + Touching.

    + Hugging.

    + Massages.

    + Spooning.

    + Sexual Intercourse.

    + Initiating touch.

    + Dancing together.

    Avoid these actions if your partner has the love language of physical touch:

    – Long moments of time without intimacy.

    – Withholding affection.

    – Physical neglect or abuse.

    After conflict with your partner who has the love language of physical touch?

    – Cuddling. Holding each other without speaking.

    – Make up sex.

    In conclusion about love languages:

    Love languages help us identify how to best love our partner. They also help us understand our own love language so that we are able to communicate to our partners on how to best love us. 

    Further resources:

    By extension, the importance of loving yourself, 46 affirmations to radiate self love and the power of being in a mindset of vitality.

    A quiz to understand what love language you are 5 Love Languages

    Frequently asked questions such as if your love language changes as you get older?

    Do love languages actually matter? Psychologists weigh in – Mic

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